Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - 2-And-a-Half-Star Wars out of Five

My name is Shake-zula, the Mic Ruler The old schooler You want to trip? l'll bring it to you Frylock, and l'm on top, rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honeys, ''G'' Drivin' in my car, livin' like a star lce on my fingers and my toes, and l'm a Taurus Unh, check, check it, yeah 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say ''ho!'' And the girlies wanna scream 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say ''ho!'' and the girlies wanna scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force Number one in the hood, ''G'' FRYLOCK: Hey! Shut that off! Hey! Hey.
How's it going? Shut that off will ya? l said how's it going? Hey shut that fucking thing off.
What the hell are you doing? Your lawn.
So that means, can l crash in the your house for an undetermined amount of time? - Hmm? - No.
Ok, but, l did just mow your lawn.
l didn't ask you to do that.
You will let me stay in your house for as long as l choose.
Will you stop that.
No l won't.
What, what are you doing? Nothing.
Do you know anything about wiping the moon from the face of space at all? Get the fuck off my lawn.
So where are you from? lt ain't about where l'm from.
lt's about where you're going.
Okay, fine.
Let's do a thousand for the lawn and, say five thousand for the edging.
How about three dollars for everything and l won't call the police.
Three sounds good, for now.
But tomorrow, l'll be back- to rake the mulch, and then maybe l could just stay for the night? Look man.
Don't make me get my gun, ok.
You will not go get your gun.
l'll just be over there, in the rain.
lf it rains.
No pressure.
Yes, this is the man of the house.
What do you mean l sound young? l am big and mature and adult and l like me some choo-choo trains cause they go choo-choo.
Who is that Meatwad? Hang one second, l'm 37 and my social security number is.
FRYLOCK: Give me that phone.
Meatwad who was that? l forgot.
FRYLOCK: Well think.
l can't remember that.
lt was long ago.
[phone rings] That's him again.
- Hello.
- Look out your window.
Hey what are you guys doing tonight? Hey, you need me to come in there and mow that carpet? lt's getting pretty shaggy.
Frylock, he's right.
This carpet has not been mowed since we moved in here.
Nice to meet you, l'm Meatwad, l'm the man of the house.
l'm 37ke me some choo-choo trains.
Yeah, we spoke earlier.
And l of course am the much talked about Master Shake and this, this ball of turd is King Nerd Science Geek and he sucks it big time, don't you? l said- don't you? l'm Drew and l'm looking for a place to stay.
l'm also looking to kinda blow up the moon.
Okay, you need to leave now.
No, hear me out.
l am the only one who can save your house from the bank.
Didn't they just call? l think they did.
Ooh, now l remember.
lt was the bank that called.
On the phone.
They sold the house.
On the phone.
Oh, that's horrible.
lf you'll agree to help me destroy the moon, l will help you keep your house.
But hey we can talk about all this in the morning.
Right now, where do you want me to sleep, and what will be for breakfast in the morning? Hey- it's raining batteries.
Yeah, an alkalaid front is pushing through.
We're expecting a couple of inches of concussions on your head.
l'm running out of batteries here.
What are you doing out there? Your lawn, but l am out of gas and so it's not working very well.
So where you from? No, no, no we're not having conversation here.
Well l'm from Moss Eisely.
Just like in the movie.
- How about that? - Yeah, l don't care.
Hey, quick question- can you help me blow up the moon? No, no l can't.
l'm more of an expert of exposing the moon.
CARL: Get out ya telescope! See if you can find the one crater! Wait a minute.
Hey, no, no, no, it's cool.
No! Did y'all see that? Well l did.
Carl showed that tall pink man his hiney and he grew hair and fangs and claws and then went inside and had a heated discussion.
We're not gonna get involved with that.
He's a werewolf, Fryman.
He saw Carl's full moon and it changed him.
Shake, there are no such things as werewolves, ok.
l know someone who would beg to differ, Fryman.
And l think you both know who l'm talking about.
Don't say Kate Beckinsale.
But she was in that movie! Fake, fake, fake, Shake! You are going to sit here and tell me that the Lycan have not been waging war against the vampires for centuries-- Hollywood, Shake.
But that suit she wore? Yeah she looked hot what about it? You do know that l own the cardboard standee.
Yeah, l know.
That means l like that movie.
l know.
Just that we're clear now.
Meeting is adjourned.
Good job.
What do we do now? Oh we wait until you lose interest, forget all about it, and then fall asleep.
l ain't lost interest.
You haven't slept yet either, Meatwad.
Are you or are you not Kate Beckinsale? Well describe your body, in leather? Well, l heard you had a winter home here.
Ask if she got a port in her chest to drink fluids.
Do you have a port in your chest to drink fluids? Plasmas and such.
Yeah plasmas and such.
Hello? Hey? l lost her.
She must have gone through a tunnel.
You know cell reception is not good.
ln the Underworld.
Who wants strawberry pancakes? BOTH: Me! Me! Me! l want them, l need them more.
Who has strawberry pancake mix? Hell no! What are you doing here? l thought we were going to destroy the moon? We had that discussion, that agreement.
You want the moon gone? l'll do it, but l want it in writing, you'll get the fuck outta here and never come back.
SHAKE: But Frylock-- your going to eliminate the tides! And there goes my surfing career! Come on, man.
Hang ten and stuff.
- Well, he's right.
- He's right.
Alright, alright yes! For once, for once he is right! Okay, l'm going to go catch some waves.
[making surfing sound effects] This is great.
As long as l don't see the moon, out of sight, out of mind.
Yep, you ready Shake? l can't get the twist.
[whisper] Close enough.
Now you make sure you aim for his heart.
l had to melt down my grandmomma's fillings to make those damn bullets.
Are you guys talking over there? Wow, my other senses are compensating for my loss of sight like crazy.
lt's go time! [slow-motion] Ahhhhhhh! This is who l am.
DREW: Hey who's popping firecrackers? Can l do some? Hey! What-- no.
Dang, that is stone cold.
Come on y'all.
lt's over.
DREW: How much for three silver bullets? Take your time.
l know the number will be very large.
The number will be very large.
These are, these are BBs.
These are not BBs.
These are Silver BBs.
Regular BBs.
Oh, well how much would you take for this bass amp? Well, looks like you're in a tough spot, werewolf.
Or should l say Wookiee! Wookiee! Gggggggggggggg! ls he out of his mind.
l've never been a Wookiee in my life.
l'm a werewolf, you know that.
You saw me change.
Did you change? Wookiees are all pink when they're shaved, like an udder.
So l shave all the time, so what? Come on, l wanted to blow up the moon with you guys, remember? Yeah, you made quite a big deal about the moon, didn't you Drew? Drew Bacca.
Gggggggggg! You play bass in a Star Trek tribute band.
Tribble Tunez.
We have cassettes for 8 dollars if you're interested.
l'm not.
Let's take this outside, Wookiee.
What about 2 for 15? Yeah sure, okay.
SHAKE: Signed! Okay, who's this to? Just put Shake on there.
Let's take this outside, Wookiee.
DREW: Hang on.
Hang on.
Gonna draw you a spock and prosper.
Now do the other one.
No, no name.
Scratch that out.
Sure okay.
Uh eBay, no put ''to my friend.
'' Alright Drew a tribble for ya there.
FRYLOCK: Alright You're about to guest star in episode 6, return of the French fry! Where in the hell did you get a light- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Waver-- Light waver.
Very different from what you are about to say.
MAN: Okay, not in the store, not in the store.
DREW: Beam me up! Beam me up! l never thought about it before.
But werewolves, wookiees, there are some damn key similarities between those two.
l was gonna say, though, he is pretty tall for a Lycan.
You've been reading the handbook l see.
Good job.
What, what the hell? Well, gosh darn it.
The moon blew up.
Damn it did you do that? No, sir.
That's right you didn't.
Because l did it ya'll, for Kate.
And our love is meant to be.
Why doesn't she understand this? MAN: No l did that.
l was tired of that fucking thing.
Okay, no l didn't l just wanted someone to pay attention to me.
What are you guys doing tonight? Man! Holy fuck that was cool! That bullfrog adamantly disagreed with our microwave.
That was no bullfrog dude, that was Yoda! He was like, no, no, no, turn it on not, turn it on not! Small and green he was.
Make that mistake anyone can.