Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Fry Legs

Unh, check, check it, yeah 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say ''ho!'' And the girlies wanna scream 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say ''ho!'' and the girlies wanna scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force Number one in the hood, ''G'' [ loud whirring and clanking ] Hey, what you watching fellas? My God.
Yeah.
Top Chef.
Uh, sure is a nice day for a walk.
Off a short pier.
lf your name is Frylock.
Wait! Frydick! Let me do that again.
Well, l mean, l might do some, um, some squat thrusts.
Mm-hmm.
Or even some knee bends.
You know, with my knees.
Sorry, what? Damn it, look at my legs! l got new legs.
Whoa! Looks like Jesus is pissed off at you, buddy.
Where's your dang potatoes? Look, l don't always have them, okay.
Sometimes l take them out.
When? When the hell do you take me out? You never take 'em out.
Hey, hey look.
lt ain't always about the fries.
This time it's about my legs.
[ doorbell rings ] All right, y'all get the fuck outta here.
Okay.
You don't tell me to go.
l tell you to go and what to cram and where to cram it, and at what force it should be crammed.
Aah! [doorbell rings] And now, l'm electing to go of my own volition.
[ romantic music ] Well, look who's here.
What are you doing in this neck of the woods? Still, uh, having that same problem with the old computer? You know, l cannot figure it out.
Will you please come on inside? lt is as hot as the dickens out there.
Can l get you some ice water? Or how about a nice glass of wine.
l have a wonderful Chardonnay.
lt's chilled.
Not while l'm on duty.
Maybe l should have some ice water.
Whoo! 'cause you know what? lt's getting sticky in here Might take off my underwear you like music? Yeah, um.
Hey, where's your computer? Oh, right.
Yeah, down to business.
l like a woman who will go down.
To business, right down to business.
The computer's in my room, next to my bed.
Follow me, and my legs.
Whoa! Um, you need some help? Whoa! The darn things are so muscular, l didn't see where l was going.
[ nervous laughter ] Yeah, l've had these legs for a while.
Yeah, you know l'm just gonna go start working on the computer.
Come when you're ready.
[ murmuring ] So, uh, here's your problem.
lt's not plugged in Again.
Well, you might have to take my hand and show me how to plug it in.
Just push the thing there in those holes.
Ooh, really? But it's not on.
[ sighs ] Then you press this button.
Damn, you are smooth.
l mean, smart.
Yeah, smart.
So how are things going with Ray? Wait, how do you know about him? Oh, l don't! l don't! Why? l mean, you date someone named Ray? Really? Why, l just threw a name out there.
What a coincidence.
Yeah, so your computer works.
Well, thanks.
Oh, wait.
What the hell? Oh, shoot! lt's off again.
Because you pressed the ''off' button.
Press it again.
Oh, look, it's on! Gimme a hug.
Don't touch me, please.
This isn't appropriate.
l won't tell if you won't.
Come on, l've got protection.
Gross.
Hey, you know what l'll just send you an invoice all right?! Wait! Wait! l'm just so lonely! That's gotta sting.
Would you call that disgust or terror? You hear them tires squeal? You blew it! You couldn't close the deal! She's just not that into you.
Oh, yeah? Then why does she keep coming back here, huh? lt's because you keep paying her $87 to turn on your computer.
We'll see about that.
lt's the 10th time l've been over there for the same problem.
l think maybe l'm just not explaining it properly.
Honey, your mouth's only good for one thing -- explaining.
lf old freedom fry doesn't understand no means no, then he's just not listening.
Shhh! Shh! Shut up, Ray! He's coming.
[ whirring and clanking ] Hey, l saw you leaving the house and thought you were coming here.
You must be Ray.
Yeah.
l'm Ray.
l've heard so much about you through conversations l've recorded with hidden microphones, but that's not important.
Read my lips, potato face.
You stay away from my lady, understand me?! Oh, you've got me mistaken, Ray.
l'm not a potato.
l'm a man! l'm about to show you how a man kicks a little ass with his man legs! Oh ho, okay! Ray, Ray please.
Let's take this outside, Home Fry.
Oh, it's on.
Later, tater.
How do you like my ray, Ray? Yeah, take that! Oh, God! [ sobbing ] Don't you see, baby? This happened for a reason.
We can always be together now.
Forever.
And live our dreams.
You're an animal! Ray was no good for you.
Don't make me run after you.
[ sirens approach ] [ grunts ] Oh, hell.
Screw this.
Turn off all the lights And lock the doors.
How'd your date go? Look at this, Meatwad.
Somebody got to second base? Did you get a good night kiss? Okay, how was it? Seriously.
l need you to describe what happened in full detail, so that l can, of course, verify it.
Since l have been around all the bases Twice.
What's in the bag? Ooh! Leftovers? Yeah, you could say that.
[ phone rings ] WOMAN: Hey, we can't come to the phone right now, but leave a message, and we'll call you back.
Hey, it's me again.
Let me just start off by saying l am so sorry about what happened at the restaurant.
l mean, l hope this does not negatively impact our relationship in anyway.
l thought a lot about what you told me this afternoon, specifically the ''hell no'' and ''get away.
'' and l totally agree.
We should spend some time apart, think about where this crazy train is going.
l love you so damn bad! Please pick up the phone! Yeah, you know what? l have seen this person before.
He lives here.
You want me to get him? Yeah.
Okay, but first, can l have a ride in your car? No.
Okay.
But l can turn on the siren, right? No.
Make it go woo woo! No.
Okay, all right.
Good answer.
Okay, can l have a ride in your car? Sir, go get your friend.
Who am l getting now? Oh, yeah, this guy.
That's my roommate.
- ls that a real gun? - Yeah.
Can l shoot someone with it? No.
- Well, can l just shoot it in the air? - No, you can't.
- Okay, well how 'bout if l just hold it? - No.
Just pretend like l'm going to shoot you.
Go get your friend.
What friends? l ain't got no friends.
Oh, Frylock.
Yeah, he's my friend.
Wait, is that deodorant? SHAKE: Yes, it's deodorant.
They get hot and sweaty chasing robbers.
Yeah, yeah it's deodorant.
Try some.
Aaaah! That is not deodorant! Oh, God.
Needs a little more pepper.
Listen, you don't go get your friend, we'll be right back here with a search warrant.
And we'll haul your ass to prison for harboring a fugitive.
Frylock! Bunch of cops out here come to see you.
Can l help you? Have you seen this man? French fries! That's ridiculous.
Why would anyone want to date a man with a french fry head? That wasn't my question.
Well, he don't live here.
Okay, neither do l.
Nice to meet you.
l'm Ray.
Bye.
Wait a minute.
You look like the guy who just got killed.
Well, l'm not.
Have a good one! Good luck with your search.
Hey, baby.
l think l'm having computer problems.
Ray? You're alive! But l saw you explode.
After that blast, l realized some things.
Life is short.
And it's too short for us not to spend every minute of it together.
What's up with your voice? Oh well, the blast melted my voicebox and gave it a more manly sound.
Well, what's up with the giant foam novelty cowboy hat? Let me see that -- No, no no! Let's keep that on.
l won it for you.
ln the blast.
l don't know what it is, but you seem different, Ray.
Well, l was exploded.
You saw that.
But look, let's not press charges or anything like that.
Accidents happen.
l just want to move on with my life and make this official.
Let me just get down -- Aaaaaaahhh! Um, Ray, are you okay? Make me the happiest man that's ever lived.
The ring is in my back pocket.
Uh, you know, l don't know.
l'd have to take care of you your entire life.
l mean, you did just rip off both your legs trying to propose.
l'll build new ones.
l'll do anything for you.
ECHOlNG: l'll build new ones.
New ones new ones.
Now pick me up and gimme a hug.
Won't you come over here and give me a hug? Give me a hug.
But, Ray, l've been up here having sex with animals.
lt's pretty much what l'm into.
l can live with that.
We'll go to counseling.
lt's probably my fault.
But also, l do this.
[ roars ] Pretty much whenever l'm exposed to sunlight.
That's fine, we'll live underground.
Who needs light? But also, l'm a chud.
And what's that? Well, if you ever listened or paid attention to me, you would know it's a cannibalistic humanoid underground dweller.
l can't live underground because it directly impacts my chud-like qualities.
Yet you continue to suggest that we live underground.
Uhh, l don't understand.
That's your problem! You don't understand! You never understand! [ grunts ] Right, okay.
Then we'll, uh, take a few days off.
Get some distance.
See where we're at in a week.
l understand.
Love ya, girl! Then she ran off.
Said some crap about l don't listen, or something.
And what did you say to her? Did you say, ''you get over here and job my knob.
'' No, l said let's spend some time apart.
l have another question.
Who are you? Oh, l'm Ray.
l'm Ray now.
And l guess l'm single again.
You know anyone? Yeah, l do, but l was thinking about dating her.
[ grunts ] Hey, l'm having computer problems! Wanna get, um, naked and do it?! Wait wait! [ thudding ] l still need time to find myself! Dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden