Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Live Action (aka The Last One Forever and Ever)

My name is Shake-Zula, the mic ruler The old schooler You want to trip? l'll bring it to you Frylock, and l'm on top, rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honeys, ''G'' Drivin' in my car, livin' like a star lce on my fingers and my toes, and l'm a Taurus Unh, check, check it, yeah 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say ''ho!'' and the girlies wanna scream 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say ''ho!'' and the girlies wanna scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force Number one in the hood, ''G'' FRYLOCK: No! Oh, no, the water's infected! With fire! l gotta tell the others! No, Shake! What? l'm rehydrating.
Aaah! l told you.
Aah, my mouth's on fire.
Let me just put it -- Aaah! That's even worse! Where's Meatwad? We gotta warn Meatwad, Shake.
He's at the car wash! The car wash?! MEATWAD: There we go.
That feels good.
Wait a minute.
No! Carl, you don't understand.
Don't be a douchebag about this.
You have to get out of that pool right now, man.
All right.
Or else what? Or else that dynamite in the pool is gonna go off, Carl.
Along with the entire Eastern Seaboard if you don't get your ass outta there now! Look, l put the dynamite in here for a reason.
That l come up with when l had a lot ot drink.
l didn't want ants to get to it.
l don't know what l was thinking.
[ water bubbles ] [ laughing ] Nachos grande.
[ chuckles ] Uh-oh.
Hold on for it.
[ farts ] [ explosion ] ''And the entire Eastern Seaboard exploded into flames.
Explosions burst the world into flames.
And the flames shoot high into the night, lighting much of the universe into flames.
'' ls that it? [ chuckles ] Yeah.
So What'd you think? l don't think it's very good.
And l don't think you're very good at what you're trying to do here.
That's- that's impossible.
l did read one part here, about um The massive flames? l did see the massive flames.
Yeah, it's a really good ending.
Yeah, that wasn't good either.
Oh, that's not True.
Here's the truth.
This is making you zero money, and you still owe me, the last three months of rent that you've been working on this.
Yeah, but we have -- l told you about the deal.
So we have the deal.
The awesome fantastic percentage deal -- Yeah, which is Bonafide and real.
So every time l sell a story l make money.
And you get a percentage of that money, every single time.
That's awesome.
But 10% of nothing is nothing, Don.
Well, first of all, my percentage deal with you was going to be 15%.
And if those were your ''constructive notes,'' then you can take your aerobics ball and you can get out of my room forever! This is my damn house! And you're sleeping in my exercise room! l hope you never read again! Whoever heard of a brownish aerobics ball anyway? How's that gonna energize you? FRYLOCK: Brownish is my favorite damn color! And it was on sale! So don't talk about my damn ball! Actually, l was, uh hoping to, uh, borrow it to do some situps on it later.
lf that's all right.
With you?! [ panting ] MEATWAD: Hey, boy.
You wanna tighten them abs? l just killed you.
You still writin' them stories? Yeah.
How'd you know? Oh, l see you at the keyboard, oh just a strugglin'.
Well, have you read 'em? Are they the ones that say ''written by Don Shake''? Yeah.
Yeah, they suck.
Have you read this one? Okay.
Turn the page.
Turn another page.
Okay, you read fast.
One more.
Hold it up to me.
Well, did you -- Did you read that one? [ sighs ] lt's no good.
Well, what do you mean? My creativity is ingenuitive.
Listen to me, Don.
You need to go into real estate.
You know how much l cleared last year? l don't know.
Take a wild guess.
That's less.
lt's a lot, though.
l'm rich.
You wanna write you a good story? Yeah, l mean.
Get that keyboard over there.
And listen to me.
l'm gonna tell you a story and l want you to copy it down, Don.
Don't you fucking look at me! Don't you look at me while l'm creating here.
Don't you -- Turn your back to me! Okay.
All right, this story is about a talking yellow sponge and he lives under the ocean.
Hasn't that one been done? No, l don't think so.
Okay, now type this in.
Nicholas Cage is surveying the earth.
Push in on a yellow sponge in his mid-twenties.
'' That's amazing.
''Lanky, in squarish pants.
'' Oh, my God.
''Note to DP We will see his full erect penis.
'' [ dramatic music ] MAN ON PA: Gentlemen! Behold! Adult daiquiri specials from 4:00 to 5:00 only! No lD required! [ maniacal laughter ] So what do you think? Oh, yeah.
Moves fast.
lt's very oily.
Those rubber gloves come out, it really starts to take off! Not this, Carl.
My story.
What do you think about my story? Yeah, well, you know l'm not much of a reader.
l'm more into, uh, photography.
Do you think l can sell it? Do you? Well, do you have any notes? ls there something l should change? You could add some boobs.
And some lesbos, yeah! Then you got it goin' on! Breasts and lesbians.
Yeah, thanks Carl! Whoa whoa, whoa whoa! Where do you think you're going? l was gonna rework the story.
You said -- Oh, no no no.
You see that Latin kid back there? l've been watching him puke in the Knights Chamber for the last five minutes.
You better go hose him off before his parents show up.
Okay, l'll do that, Carl.
MAN ON PA: Cleanup in the Knight's Chamber.
l'm talking to you, Carl! And, Carl.
What? lt really means a lot to me that you appreciate my writing.
Hey, get the fuck off me! ''And the lesbos start going at it and kissing with their boobie--'' This is not what l wrote! Well, yeah.
l got some instructive notes.
lnstructive notes?! You ruined my ending, boy! No, l took some creative liberties.
And fucked it all to hell and back like a stupid sonofabitch! l oughta cut you down where you stand.
[ knock on door ] Don, you in there? Listen here, motherfucker.
You shut the fuck up about this.
Do you understand me? Yes! Come on in.
What's up, buddy? Hey.
How you doin? Uh, good good.
l'm chillin.
l'm just gonn' do some situps.
Stuff like that.
Get my strong on.
[ both laugh ] l'll get out of your way then.
You know, you know, situps.
Yeah, l love 'em.
lt's burning already.
[ groans ] what are you doing over there? Uh, working on my story.
You gonna sell something? ls it gonna make us some money? Probably not.
You better sell something, damn it.
'cause l'm 'bout to throw your ass right up outta here.
Plus, l'm getting stronger now.
So it'll be a little easier.
[ grunts ] [ sighs ] Done.
And, uh, just a thought, you might wanna start packing your shit.
Okay, bye.
All right.
Yeah, bye.
Be safe.
Your story sucks.
What a total jerk.
l think you oughta kill him.
Killing is a sin.
Not in the eyes of the church.
All right.
Then l'll kill him till he's dead.
[ dramatic music ] FRYLOCK: 'Sup, buddy? Hold on one sec.
FRYLOCK: Come to say goodbye? DON: Sort of.
Better make it quick 'Cause l'm on Craigslist looking for a brand-new roommate.
Do it! Do it, boy! Stick it to him! Stick him good! What the hell you doing with that sword, man? Something l should have done a long time ago.
No, Don! No! No! No! Here's your sword.
l found it in my room.
Totally knew that.
l dropped my pen.
That's why l was down there.
Wait! My ending! [ dramatic music ] [ Shake sighs ] Well l guess this is it, Carl.
You know, we never did go to that strip club together.
Does that VCR work? You doing anything that? Yeah, we're we're bringing it with us.
Oh, right.
Yeah, sure.
Mine's broken.
Oh, really? Said it costs $800 to fix.
Yeah, ours works.
We're gonna just go ahead and pack it up and take it with us.
l ain't goin to DVD.
You can do that all day to me.
l'm not going to DVD! We'll see ya.
Tapes are coming back.
Come over here, big boy.
Spread them arms and give me a hug.
No, we're not doing that.
l ain't no homo.
Oh, come on now.
We're friends.
All right, fine.
Drop that sack in my mouth.
Back! Back! Back the fuck up.
Goodbye Carl.
Goodbye forever.
[ starts engine ] Truly they were an Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
[ brakes squealing ] Your emergency brake is on! Don't tell me how to drive, jackass.
Dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden Tonight!