Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Juggalo

My name is Shake-Zula, the mike ruler, the old schooler You want to trip? I'll bring it to you Frylock, and I'm on top, rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honeys, "G" Drivin' in my car, livin' like a star Ice on my fingers and my toes, and I'm a Taurus Unh, check, check it, yeah 'cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say "ho!" And the girlies want to scream 'cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say "ho!" And the girlies want to scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force Number one in the hood, "G" Meatwad: I thought we was coming up here to sight-see.
All I see is a bunch of cars.
Master Shake: Why don't you see this with your sights! Unh! Ah, come on! Meatwad: You missed, boy.
Master Shake: Damn it.
I knew the wind was gonna give me issues today.
Here, help me with this chunk of curb.
Meatwad: No, no, no, no, no.
I ain't into that.
Master Shake: Hey, we're not out here to hurt people.
We just want to create a diversion.
Meatwad: For what? Master Shake: For when I totally streak through town.
I'll do it.
Once we get all the cops here, none of them will be able to bust me there.
On 3.
Meatwad: 3? What is 3? Master Shake: All right, now! [ grunting ] [ tires screeching, metal crunching ] [ horn honking ] Now take off your clothes! Run! Whee! Streakin'! A buh buh buh buh buh! Where are you going? Master Shake: You see that down there? I did it, so I'm getting the hell out of here! Yeah, I was driving.
You did that to me.
I was having the commute of my life.
Meatwad: Who you talking to? An angel.
And you may go.
Master Shake: Go, Meatwad! He says you can go! [ grunts ] [ metal crunching, tires screeching ] awesome! I have other plans for you.
[ monitors beeping ] Master Shake: This is a plan? What the hell is this? Shut up and read, aloud! For his pleasure.
Master Shake: Come on, this guy ain't even awake! Ugh! It smells like hot clam juice in here.
Read to him.
Master Shake: Read this.
Between the lines.
What's it say? All right.
Master Shake: Aah-- ooh, ooh, ooh! Okay, which book?! Show me that book so I can read the book to that guy! The pop-up book.
Master Shake: There's nothing to read.
All the pages are gone.
He won't mind.
He doesn't have any family.
Master Shake: Yeah, because he's boring.
Would you visit this? I wouldn't.
You have to engage people with clever conversation and -- aah! Aah! Aah! Okay, okay! So just the title? "Sammy the Gerbil and His Muffin Adventure.
" Over and over and over again.
Master Shake: "Sammy the Gerbil and His Muffin Adventure.
" Make it your own! Master Shake: "Sammy the Gerbil and His Muffin Adventure.
" Have fun with it! Master Shake: "Sammy the Gerbil and His Muffin Adventure.
" Oh, you're not going to use a solvent on those stains? That's what I used to do on my pool -- when I was alive.
I don't know.
It's not important.
I mean, I'm just saying, let it soak in for a little -- Master Shake: I know! I'm just getting the leaves out first.
Ah, ah, ah.
Let's watch that tongue, or we could always visit the awful place.
Master Shake: Look, you don't want that.
Neither of us want that.
Sorry.
Carl: What are you doing, cup? Master Shake: I'm cleaning your frigging pool.
For you.
Carl: Oh, how sweet.
What's in it for you? Master Shake: Pretty much, so I don't get my ass kicked.
Hey, it's not about that.
It's about doing what's right and what's good.
Master Shake: And because also you're gonna kick my ass.
Carl: All right, who are you talking to now? Master Shake: Uh, my agent.
Yeah, I got a hands-free bluetooth, which is huge in L.
A.
Where my agent and my manager live and call me all the time.
Thou shalt not lie.
Master Shake: Sure, I'll play Thor.
Yeah, close the deal.
Tell them I'll do it for double.
Carl: The Ultimate God of Thunder? You're playing Thor? [ laughs ] That's a laugh.
You ain't greek.
Master Shake: Studio upped their offer.
I got to say yes.
Thou shalt not lie! Master Shake: Okay, fine! Carl, I'm talking to a [bleep] angel! Thou shalt not curse.
Master Shake: I meant that in a good sense.
I curse because I'm so excited.
Now tell him you've changed your life.
Master Shake: I've changed my life.
You've seen the error of your ways.
Master Shake: I've seen the error of my ways.
Now I want you to fart in my mouth.
Master Shake: Now I want you to fart in my -- wait a minute.
I'm just messing with you.
Master Shake: Good one.
Ask Carl if there's anything you can do for him.
Master Shake: Carl, is there anything I could possibly do for you? Carl: Go down to the mall and buy me a half-dozen black graphic tees.
The one with the wings and the barbed wire and they say "choke out!" Master Shake: Are you serious? Ask him what size.
Carl: Aw, these are knockoffs! Read this back to me! What does it say? Master Shake: Surf's up.
Carl: Surf's up! What did I tell you?! I told you I wanted the real ones that say "choke out!" Where have I heard that before? Maybe coming out of my own mouth when we were at the mall looking at the shirts? Master Shake: "Surf's up" were cheaper.
I'm on a fixed budget here, man.
Well I guess we're going back to the mall.
Carl: You go back to the mall! Yeah! That's what I'm talking about! Yeah! Thank him.
Master Shake: For what?! I did that for him! Aah! Aah! Aah! I can do this all day.
Master Shake: Yes.
Yes, of course.
Thank you, Carl, for being there while I replenished your wardrobe with my dangerously overextended credit cards.
Carl: No problem.
Now go get that hose, wash wax it.
It would be your pleasure.
Master Shake: Yes, it would be my pleasure, of course.
Carl: With the undercoating.
Master Shake: Of course.
Thank you, Carl.
Carl: Hey.
Don't talk.
Hop to it.
And how about you install a subwoofer in there, too? Or I will, uh, anger the Gods.
You're giving him the undercoating, right? Master Shake: Why are you doing this to me? Why am I doing this to you? Oh! You killed me.
Remember? Master Shake: Sorry.
My bad.
I will ultimately crush your skull with a piece of concrete.
But for now, let's do this.
Master Shake: My hands are getting really tired.
You know, hold that thought, because I got a touch of angel diarrhea.
Master Shake: Frylock! Come on, get this thing to go! Hurry! Frylock: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't hit it like that.
What are you trying to do? Master Shake: I need to hire a demon immediately! Please! I mean, sir! I mean -- stop being nice! Frylock: You can check out Craigslist.
Master Shake: Good idea! Thanks, man.
I mean, I know that already! Now get out of your room so you can go be stupid somewhere else! Please, jerkface! Why aren't you waxing -- ohh! Oh.
Do you have a bathroom? Frylock: Oddly, no.
Well, how do you -- Frylock: We don't.
What? Uh, I'll be right back.
Frylock: Uh, who was that? Master Shake: You could see him? Hurry up.
How long does angel diarrhea last? Frylock: I don't know.
It probably varies.
Why don't you just google it? Master Shake: Aah! Hey, how do you spell "diarrhea"? Ah, you must be Neil.
I recognize you from your profile.
No, Neelzebub.
Master Shake: Hmm.
How about just "bub"? Neelzebub.
Master Shake: Fine.
Great.
Whatever.
Come on in.
Did you bring references? This spider.
It begged for mercy.
But it would receive none on this day.
Master Shake: Then you are he.
Tell me everything I must do to kill the mighty angel.
Well, angel, we meet again.
But this time, it is I who possess the power.
Isn't that right, neil? Ugh! Neelzebub! Master Shake: Neelzebub, right.
You may be interested to know that I purchased six cases of beer for neelzebub and his underaged friends, and then I am going to drive them all to the insane clown posse show.
And how is that gonna defeat me? Master Shake: That's a pretty good question.
Neil? Hey, guys, you want to see me fart on something? Master Shake: Neil, over here, please.
Oh, God! Read from the scrolls! Master Shake: Hmm.
Vampire.
Bite your neck and set your head on fire.
Are those actual icp lyrics? Master Shake: Yeah.
[ laughs ] "i'll hypnotize you, then bite your neck, then set your head on fire.
" There's, like, one -- one item in there is not necessary at all, and you can take your pick.
Master Shake: Neil, he's not doing anything.
Got nothing here.
It's gonna take a few minutes now, 'cause you weren't standing still and you didn't have your hands up.
So can you, like, drive us to the concert now? Master Shake: But your mom's gonna pick you up, right? Yeah, um, lee's mom.
Master Shake: Leeman the demon? I thought he was grounded.
He's sneaking out.
Wait, wait, wait.
If he's sneaking out, how is his mom going to pick you up? Does he tell his mom he's sneaking out? 'cause then it's not really sneaking out, right? Master Shake: Yeah, neil? She won't know about it.
Uh, well, can you pick us up, also? Master Shake: Both ways?! You're just chauffeuring these guys around.
Master Shake: You never even told lee's mom, did you? Did you?! That was not part of the deal, neil.
Ooh, quick question.
Is this is part of the deal? Whoa! No way! Oh, my God, that's [bleep] awesome.
Master Shake: Aah! Aah! That's your cue, neil! Come on! Whoa! No way! Master Shake: Call upon the power! Aah! Can you show me that? Show me that! You got to show me that! Well, maybe when you're older, tiger.
How old are you, anyway? Master Shake: Neil! You said you were fully licensed to do this! Well, yeah, I said that, but my dad's an attorney, and he says you got to get everything in writing.
Sorry.
Master Shake: Fine.
You know what? I'm ending this now.
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.
Bye.
Master Shake: Nice to meet you all.
I'll see you all in hell.
Mr.
2 Dope, perhaps you would care to read, for the ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the lyrics from your popular song "Blacken Your Eyes.
" [ clears throat ] Filled your head with lead because I want you dead.
Girly, girly bitch.
You [bleep] freaky bitch.
What could possibly be offensive about that? Frylock: [ clears throat loudly ] Oh! I mean, that's deplorable.
Your songs drove my clients' roommate to kill himself.
Would that be an accurate statement? Allow me to interject, please.
We at Insane Clown Posse are very, very active in the community.
We work with a number of local charities.
Yeah, like, we read to dead people.
Sammy the gerbil And his muffin adventure We also spit fire.
Aaaah! No further questions.
Master Shake: Dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden How long do I have to do this? Ooh!