Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Kangarilla and the Magic Tarantula

My name is Shake-Zula, the mike ruler, the old schooler You want to trip? I'll bring it to you Frylock, and I'm on top, rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honeys, "G" Drivin' in my car, livin' like a star Ice on my fingers and my toes, and I'm a Taurus Unh, check, check it, yeah 'cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say "ho!" And the girlies want to scream 'cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say "ho!" And the girlies want to scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force Number one in the hood, "G" Meatwad: I'm swimming! I'm swimming! Look at me! I'm swimming! Look at me over here! I'm swimming! Look, Frylock! [ cellphone beeping ] Frylock: Yeah, yeah Meatwad: No water wings.
No noodle.
I ain't holding the side.
See? I'm swimming.
Swimming all by myself.
Frylock: Yeah.
Meatwad: See? I'm swimming here.
I'm -- oh, no.
Now I'm drowning! I'm starting to go -- I can't breathe! [ beeping continues ] help! Frylock: Ooh, wow.
That's good.
Keep going.
I knew you could do it.
Meatwad: [ coughs ] hey, dang it! Get your head out of that dang phone! I almost died back there! [ beeping continues ] Frylock: Yeah.
Meatwad: Fine.
[ cellphone dials ] [ cellphone rings ] All right.
Pick up the phone.
Pick up the phone.
He's screening me.
Don't you be screening me! Hey -- Frylock: Wazzu-u-u-u-u-u-u-p? If you need to leave a message, just do so after the beep.
[ beep ] Meatwad: Hey, I almost died in that pool over here.
Next to you.
So hit me back on my celly, 'cause I want to yell at you.
And talk about dinner.
All right, later.
Frylock: Yeah.
Master Shake: Your son is drowning.
Meatwad: He knows.
I left him a voicemail.
Master Shake: And you just sit there like a zombie zonedIn on That looks fun.
What is it? Frylock: Look, look, look.
When I do this, he tap dances.
Master Shake: No way.
Wow! Frylock: Yeah, check this out.
[ beeping continues ] Master Shake: [ laughs ] who thinks of that? Meatwad: Can someone fetch me my towel? Oh.
Oh, thank you.
Magical chair.
Master Shake: Hey, do the salamander and put him in those cute little boots.
Frylock: Nah, check it out.
It's a chipmunk.
And when I shake it -- Master Shake: No, if you keep shaking, he does a somersault.
Here, let me show you.
Frylock: No, no, no, no, no.
Don't shake it too much.
Master Shake: Aah! Frylock: I told you! Now I got to go back to tadpole stage, man.
Master Shake: Let me hold it while you do it, but I'll do the left button.
Meatwad: Y'all see all this stuff just floating around? Master Shake: Will you shut up?! We're trying to make this salamander square dance, and your sound vibrations are altering the program.
Frylock: Who are you talking to? Meatwad: Me, dumbass.
I'm over here.
Frylock: Oh.
Well, ain't you doing a good job? You keep on paddling, buddy.
Meatwad: Fine.
I'm gone.
Frylock: Great.
I'm so proud of you.
[ beeping continues ] swim upstream.
Crocodile, 3:00! Look out! Master Shake: Ooh, what's the red battery mean? Frylock: We're running out of battery juice.
We got to find an outlet, quick.
Master Shake: Text Meatwad to bring an extension cord over here.
Do you have another phone we can do that? Frylock: Too late.
Master Shake: Damn it! Always to me! Always! We were this close to getting to the kangarilla.
Your phone sucks.
Now it doesn't suck.
But your mobile device does not allow me for the mobility I prefer.
I need to -- ohh, I got the ruby! Frylock: Double-ruby bonus.
Master Shake: Yeah, brother! Meatwad: Check it out, y'all.
I put my shoes on and now I'm standing on the chair cushion.
And plus the chair is haunted.
Frylock: Good, good.
Get those food pellets, man.
Master Shake: I thought I did it! It didn't go, though! Frylock: Feed the dragon.
Calm him down.
Take him to the store, put him in some new clothes for school.
Master Shake: He needs a cable-knit sweater.
Frylock: Yeah, that's it.
Master Shake: This game is incredible! Meatwad: Look at that! Someone's writing something on the wall now.
In blood.
Frylock: Meatwad.
Go play in your room, okay, and let Frylock do his work.
Master Shake: Double axel with a twist! You're insane! Frylock: You just wait till we get to the tarantula.
It's totally nuts.
You have no control, man.
[ ghostly voice ] Ooooh! Ooooooooh! Look at me-e-e-e-e.
I'm a gho-o-o-o-st.
Meatwad: Frylock Frylock: Turn the tv down, okay? Guy? Master Shake: Yeah, we can't hear the theme to this game.
Banging the po-o-o-t! What the he-e-e-ll? There's only one po-o-o-o-t.
He-e-e-e-y! Look over he-e-e-e-e-re! Look at me-e-e-e-e! Master Shake: Meatwad, will you get shake his earbuds? Thank you.
Hey! How about no-o-o-w? Blood! Blo-o-o-od! Frylock: Damn.
Master Shake: Cool Graphics.
I feel a sensation around my one, thick ankle.
Frylock: Okay, whatever.
Get a load of thi-i-i-i-s! Master Shake: Aaah! These buttons are sticking.
Frylock: Come on! Play through the pain.
Ooooooooooh! [ normal voice ] Ugh, can you please get their attention? Meatwad: Shoot, boy, I've been trying.
I mean, usually when I want attention, I threaten suicide.
And then I get ice cream.
[ ghostly voice ] Go-o-o-od ide-e-e-e-e-a! Meatwad: Hey, y'all.
My life sucks.
I ain't got nothing to live for, and I'm gonna end it now.
[ gun cocks ] [ beeping continues ] Pop off a couple ro-o-o-o-o-unds.
[ gunshot ] [ beeping continues ] Meatwad: I'm soAngry at myself.
I'm so depressed.
He's se-e-e-e-riou-u-u-u-s! Meatwad: And, uh, I'm gonna just end the suffering right now.
[ beeping continues ] [ gunshots ] Oh, well, I missed.
Got to reload now.
[ normal voice ] It's not working.
Meatwad: Screw it.
Just blow up the house, man.
Frylock: Damn it! I signed a two-year contract for that thing.
Master Shake: Piece of crap.
Send it back to China.
It blew up our house.
Frylock: Aw, man, what are we gonna do now? W-with our free time? Master Shake: Let's get together and stare at my hand.
And harken back to the days when we played that cool game.
What up, yo? Frylock: [ gasps ] A ghost! Master Shake: A gay-st.
Meatwad: I told you.
I've been telling you for like [ ghostly voice ] I am from -- [ normal voice ] Look, can I talk normal now? Frylock: Yeah.
I guess.
I'm from Smiley Junction.
Frylock: Smiley Junction? Don't you mean Three-Arm Junction? Meatwad: Three-Arm Junction? What is that? Frylock: Well, I'll tell you, Meatwad.
It was a model community, the city of the future.
Until one day, the U.
Military accidentally tested a nuclear bomb there.
That's not Hawaii.
[ loud explosion ] Frylock: President Truman surrounded Smiley Junction with walls of lead 3-feet thick and Nothing could get in or out.
And everyone died.
Yeah, that was my story.
I was gonna tell it to you, but -- Master Shake: I'm sorry.
I wasn't listening.
What's up, now? Frylock: Get your face out of your hands.
He's a ghost, shake.
Okay? Master Shake: Go back to the beginning.
Just do it all again.
Frylock: So why are you here? Those lead walls.
They kept out all the cellphone signals.
Frylock: Which kill ghosts.
Of course! They do? I didn't know that.
Frylock: Yeah.
I'm pretty sure.
So anyway, what do you want? We just wanted to order pizza and chinese takeout.
And we have no way of ordering it.
Frylock: Uh, you could use a landline.
We thought of that, but look -- the phone company won't come in and install it.
But now that you say that they kill ghosts, well Well, then we want you guys to organize a benefit and get that meat loaf to perform and sing some songs, right, about cellphones and how they kill ghosts and how people should return to the telegraph.
Frylock: Why don't you just open your own pizza place, okay? That'll solve everything, right? Oh.
Good idea.
Meatwad: What about the other thing? The benefit concert with meat loaf? Yeah, well, that's just something I'd like to do, at, well, some point.
I mean -- [ chuckles ] I mean, do y'all know anybody? Anyone who knows meat loaf? Carl: Meatloaf? Funny story, man.
My, uh, second cousin Denise gave him a hand job backstage after the Newark show.
Yeah, she got a couple kids now, so she doesn't tell the story as much, but every time we get together at Thanksgiving, I'm like, "tell the story, Denise, about how when you gave a hand job to Meatloaf.
" She was good-looking when she was 18.
She's a blimp now.
Wait a minute.
That's not a cellphone.
Wait, no! Master Shake: Carl.
Do you have kangarilla on that phone? Carl: Hang on a second.
Denise, hey, you still got Meatloaf's number? Yeah, from that time you gave him a hand job.
[ laughs ] You gave the bass player a hand job at the same time? Oh, wait, no.
I believe it.
You are a whore.
[ ghostly voice ] What up, yo-o-o-o-o! I'm the gho-o-o-st! Carl: It's about respect.
Not just for yourself, but for Meatloaf.
I'm the gho-o-o-st of the gho-o-o-st that was just -- Carl: You've heard "Bat Out of Hell," right? [ normal voice ] Is that a cellphone? Wait, no! Carl: It's awesome.
Master Shake: Carl, I need to borrow your phone.
This is urgent.
I need to lay a game with it.
Frylock: He's right, Carl.
We got to have it.
Carl: In a second.
I'm not done berating her.
He was one of the Lords of Rock.
A hand job ain't enough.
You got to let him bang you.
See, that's why you're still single.
Master Shake: Carl! I need your phone! Carl: Ah, ah! Hands off! Master Shake: I can only be delayed so long.
Carl: Back up! Why did I call? To do this.
I know I ain't talked to you in two years.
But if I want to lay into you, I will, because I'm family and I have that right.
No, d-don't you hang up on me! Master Shake: Awesome.
Do you have kangarilla on that phone? Carl: Hold your horses, there.
I'm calling the bitch back.
[ ghostly voice ] it's me-e-e-e! I'm the gho-o-o-st of the ghost of the gho-o-o-st that was just here.
[ normal voice ] is that a cellphone? Wait, no! [ cellphone rings ] Master Shake: Carl, I need to borrow your phone.
Carl: No! Pick up that phone or I will unleash the venom! [ beep ] denise, this is Carl.
I'm sorry that we had heated words there.
[ ghostly voice ] it's me-e-e-e.
Carl: H-hang on.
I'm the gho-o-o-st of the ghost of the ghost of the gho-o-o-o-- Carl: Uh, call me back if you get a free moment.
I just, uh, wanted to, uh, to lord over you for a little bit longer.
UhI love you.
[ ghostly voice ] it's me-e-e-e! [ ghostly voice ] it's me-e-e-e! [ ghostly voice ] it's me-e-e-e! Master Shake: Dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden