Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Wi-Tri

Unit patrol, unit patrol unit patrol, unit patrol they're back on the beat to make crime disappear beefy disguises from ground-up steer a Sherlock Holmes with laser-beam eyes your own private dick unit patrol, unit patrol Ready! Unit patrol, unit patrol Wider.
Crime doesn't pay unless you get away but you won't 'cause you can't from the aqua unit patrol squad one Tonight's episode "Wi-tri.
" Come and get me! I ain't it.
I'm frozen.
You can't be frozen.
I'm the one who's frozen! That's why you look on my passport, it says "Mr.
" But you tagged me.
Well, boosh! I just unfreezed you.
That ain't in the bylaws.
Uh-huh! Unh-unh! Uh-huh! Unh-unh! Fine! Then we'll consult with the elders.
Shazizzle! Forgive us, elders.
We beseech you.
Oh, elders, I tag him, freezing him, but then he said that he was frozen, so I thawed him with my eye death rays, and he claims that I am it.
And I said, "nuh-unh!" Nuh-unh! Yuh-huh! Nuh-unh! Yuh-huh! Minions of plebos, you have angered Zod with your request! Death comes quickly now! No, wait, don't! We'll figure out something! Frylock.
Come outside! Come o-o-o-o-o-o-n! Someone set your mom on fire! You better hurry! Wait a minute.
He ain't got no mama.
Way to go, Einstein.
You just blew that one, didn't you.
I don't think he's coming.
We should just slip him a note.
What is this, prohibition suddenly? We're gonna text him.
With what, man? I ain't got no phone.
Well, don't look at me like I got one.
It was your idea, man.
Yes, it was my idea, and your job is to execute my ideas, and you have failed miserably once again.
I I can fix this.
Who we know who got a phone? Who has a phone? Hmm.
Ma, you're 87 years old.
You ain't in no condition to mow the lawn by yourself.
Oh, you wanted me to do it? It's a living, breathing thing.
Why you want to kill everything that's alive, starting with me, busting my balls like this?! You still owe me 50 bucks.
No, I know the check come in Tuesday 'cause I called the medicare office, all right? So I'll be down there in five minutes to p pick it up.
Don't be hiding it.
I guess no one.
No one owns a phone.
I know who got a phone.
Steven jobs from apple.
Stop interrupting me.
I was about to say that.
Call him at once! I ain't got no phone.
You know, you're like the repository where my ideas go to die! I'm sorry.
I now have no other choice but to sue you.
Get my lawyer on the phone! Okay, uh, I'll do it, butGuess what.
What? This is a phone.
It's also a camera, it's a web browser, it's a personal home entertainment system, it's a home theater, it's a financial adviser, it's a future planner.
Yep, wi-tri is pretty much anything you would ever need.
I'll tell you what I need.
I need you to put that down and get over here and play some damn freeze tag with us.
Then I guess wi-tri ain't everything you ever need.
That triangle is trying my patience! See what I did? I have a plan.
You know Carl? That guy next door? We can go over there.
Use his toilet.
All right.
Something to do.
Give you that much.
Ha-dow! I-I didn't do that! I-I just grazed it with my shoulder! I think it was like that already! Damn.
You can do that? Yeah, I can do it all.
What do you want? All right.
Say when.
Yeah, boy! Mm-hmm.
Aw, yeah.
Diz-iz-amn, dizawg! Now you know why I don't leave my room.
Hey, triangle, what do you think about pumping up my junk? I want it huge.
There are limits to what wi-tri can do or rather, wants to do.
Damn, son! I want a triangle! Everybody, I got a triangle! Why couldn't I get no wi-tri? 'Cause I don't want you getting tied up in one of those ridiculous contracts like I just did.
You're gonna be much happier with the brick.
The brick is fun, don't get me wrong, but the network for the brick is very limited.
How am I supposed to get my sports scores? Well, you throw the brick at a famous athlete and ask him what time it is.
All right.
Get get your hand off that! I'm supposed to put my wi-tri next to another wi-tri to enhance performance and sync.
Yeah, do exactly what's written there.
Sync, my ass.
I ain't giving you no private information! No, no, no.
We're just supposed to light candles, dim lights, play Marvin gaye, and leave room for no more than three minutes.
Three minutes.
Tell me about it.
Um we could, uh Have a conversation.
That's something, right? Yeah, the time will fly.
All right, damn.
Uh How was the store? Like ass.
Who got kicked off "top chef" last night? What? Try it again.
No, no, no.
You did it wrong.
Who got kicked off "top chef" last night? This brick sucks my ass.
When they putting out the new brick? Awesome! Now we got one for home and business! They must have got together and got married and had a baby while we was gone.
Hey, can you stream live movies over the Internet? Yeah, sure.
But we're also tri-forming your planet for our race of shapes.
Shh, don't tell him.
Food will still exist, but it will be so sharp and pointed, you couldn't possibly don't tell him! Have you ever tried drinking broken glass? Vomiting blood for days.
Stop telling them! You're ruining the big ending! Doesn't really matter.
You could stop us, but you simply don't have the foresight or the discipline.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Triangle, can you get me some shorties in here up all over my junk? Wait.
Wait! No! They're shorties, all right short people.
I'd better do something soon, or the only short thing around here is gonna be my life.
I'm gonna call the elders.
The [Bleep] You are! I got this! Little midgets of the jungle your triangle God is angry! Hey, that's my wi-tri! Shut up, shake.
It looks like they're watching some sort of Jason statham movie.
High voltage," by the looks of it.
I produced that movie! Shh! Leave it, shake! Everybody watching owes me 8 bucks apiece! Shazam! I just saved your ass.
Nuh-unh! Yuh-huh! Nuh-unh! Yuh-huh! Minions of plebos, who dare call upon Zod at this hour, during my sleepy time?! He did.
Nuh-unh! Yuh-huh! Aw, man.
Frylock, get in here! Now how am I gonna roll with my homeys? Frylock, get in here! Look I lost my cankle.
I guess those calf exercises are really paying off, huh? It's the wi-tris.
They must be tri-forming the planet so they can invade and then become the master shape! Wi-tri, come forth! Let me ask you something.
You have season 2 of "entourage" on demand? Yeah, sure.
'Cause I could totally see myself hanging with those guys.
Stop that! Look.
They're mating, man! They're mating! Real classy.
Get a room, you filthy animals! They have a room, shake.
Every room! We'll destroy them! Most of them.
Yeah, shoot them with your eye lasers.
Well, I'm not killing mine, man! I'd kind of like one for my car.
Just shoot them with your eye lasers.
Did you guys say you were gonna watch "entourage"? Um, yeah.
My evil triangle has the first two seasons.
All right, I'll destroy him later.
Right now, let's just watch "entour" You don't understand.
We need to act now.
Otherwise, what kind of planet are we gonna leave for our grandkids? I'll tell you what kind of planet.
A triangle planet.
Damn it! I guess we need to do the right thing here.
I know he's right, too, but [Bleep] Him! Hey, uh, look at this.
We 10,000 Miles away and we got triangles way out here.
Shake, are you gonna help us fish or what? Otherwise, we ain't gonna eat.
I damn told your ass not to bring that! It's just a mini, for emergencies.
Is that "entourage"? What's happening in it? Vince just got in another three-way With drama's old girlfriend! So, how long before you all tri-form the earth, or whatever? I wouldn't worry about it.
You'll be long dead before we finish.
You don't have kids, do you? No.
Nothing to worry about then.
Who turned my friggin' car into a triangle?! They did.
Triangles everywhere! A dream has come to life! My wi-tri fell off the back of my cousin's truck.
You see what I'm sayin'? Porno, go.
It won't do nothin'! That's a that's a shoe box filled with marbles.
Trying to play "gold dust woman"? Gold dust woman Yeah, maybe later.
Right now, I wanted to, uh, turn somebody into a triangle.
I mean, I don't want to kill them or nothin'.
Just, uh, shut them up.
Hey, ma.
I brought you a gift.
Hey, yay! It's a bed warmer.
See, it makes it like a bed like magic fingers.
They said you didn't pay for the meal plan.
Aw, come on.
You think I'm trying to starve you to death? You know I love you.
Who's the geezer? This is my new roommate, Zod.
Core him out! Yeah, right.
Take your pills, big guy.
No! No!