Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Chicken and Beans

I'm the pimp on top, can't never be stopped Frylock is on the bottom, and your mama on my Shakezula is m'elegante de la casa.
El Meatwad es tan grande.
Don't understand why you're [bleep] with a "G" 'Cause Shake got the bait, make a blind man see Meatwad got your mama in my ride Rollin' up the whole up and then keep the hoes high "Aqua Something You Know" Eh, whatever.
Carl, what's up? Hey, you're coming to Meatwad's first gig tonight, right? Yeah, uh, you know, I don't know.
You know, why don't you leave some literature Oh, here you go.
Crap.
What's he do? Like sock puppets or some crap? No, no, I broke off from them guys.
We had some creative differences.
You sing any Sabbath? Eh, mostly originals.
How 'bout Dio, God rest his soul? I don't know.
We might throw in a cover.
You never know.
How about "one," that song where the guy came back from war and he's just an eyeball? I'm not just a singer, man.
Yeah, he writes all his own stuff, you know? Show him, Meatwad.
Chicken and beans Chicken and beans Tthe best-lookin' dinner that I ever seen You better go get you some chicken and beans Chicken and beans.
You cover all beer-related expenses? Oh, yeah.
I got a credit card, but I'll see you there.
All right! We sold a ticket! Look at how many people are here, boring their eyes into your skull! I know.
Dissecting your every move, hoping you fail! Shake, we talked about this.
You talked about it.
Just 'cause my head moves up and down doesn't mean I'm nodding in agreement.
I am super-nervous.
Come on, Meatwad.
As long as I've known you, this has been your dream, man! I can't be pursuing every dream.
I mean, last night, I had a dream where I was swimming with Joey Fatone of 'N Sync, and then he turned into a corn dog and my teeth fell out.
How am I supposed to achieve that? - Your dreams are useless.
- I know it.
Shake, how many times do I have to tell you? It fluctuates but at least 10! Okay.
Coming up next, let's give it up for Me-meal wand? Yeah! Yeah, yeah! That's you.
Go! Oh, that makes sense.
He's gonna melt your faces off! You suck! Boo! Get off the stage, wing nut! Okay.
Okay, howdy.
My name is Meatwad.
Stupid name! I'm gonna do some 'tar for you tonight.
You know, songs about, you know, things that move me and You're the suck! This is about my favorite meal This guy stinks on ice! called Chicken and, uh Chicken and, uh Beans, Meatwad! Chicken and beans! Chicken and beans, Chicken and beans, yes! Yes, "Chicken and beans" is the name of the song.
Okay, here we here we go.
Boo! Hiss! Thank you.
Thank you.
Chicken and beans Chicken and beans The best-looking dinner that I ever seen You better go get you some Chicken and Ch-chicken and Uh, chicken and lime? What is it? - Chicken and what? - Beans, Meatwad! Beans! I don't feel good.
No, no, no, you're doing great.
No, I'm not! - Ohh! - Yeah! Hey, who wants seafood? Aah! See the food! Aah! - Encore! - Aah! Thank you.
Good night.
We're gonna be selling CDs over by the salad bar all night long.
Blaah! That was my one chance.
And I blew it, didn't I? You blew chunks! You did do that.
But there'll be other opportunities, just not at the hoagie place.
We're not allowed back there.
Hey, guys, come and check out this this funny thing that I just found on the Internet.
Chicken and lime Beans, Meatwad! Beans! Someone must have filmed this and uploaded it without authorities permission.
Yeah, well, you know, we got to get a little What? I've only had it up there for one hour! L.
O.
L.
! Look at that guy? Who is that dumbass? Oh, wait.
You're not popular.
Hello? It's for you.
Who is that? It's for Meatwad.
Hello? Oh, that's so sweet.
Thank you.
I'm glad you like my song.
That's a Los Angeles-area code.
Give me that phone! I need to handle this! Well, you know, I like to write what I know, you know, and beans and chicken are two things that I know.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I can throw up on demand.
See, listen here Outside! Get out in the hall, Meatwad, now! How would I like to go on TV with my "Chicken and beans" song? - No! - That sounds pretty neat.
Well, that's that's too bad because I'm I'm taking it off the Internet right now.
- And your dream is shattered.
- It's too late, man.
They've already seen it.
All right, look forward to meetin' you.
Bye-bye.
They sending a limo to pick me up.
I'm gonna be on "Lopez Tonight"! No.
Yeah.
I deserve to be where you are! Now you make sure to call us as soon as you land, okay? And just remember who you are and where you came from.
Who am I? Where'd I come from? Lab accident, chemicals.
Long story.
The limo's coming! Bruschetta Bruschetta nights Bye-bye, y'all! Shake, give me a hug before I go.
Get the [bleep] away from me! I'm gonna be on the TV! Y'all turn on the TV! Good luck, buddy! Call us when you land! Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen! You're a wonderful audience! You done making an ass of yourself? No.
They have my contact info.
Some of these deals, they take time to develop.
The only thing better than a hot dog ween Meatwad's on! Aw, man, you're missin it! and beans Blaah! Shake, come on, man, you're missing it! Oh, I'm sorry.
Something's on? Meatwad's on.
National TV.
Everyone loved him.
TV.
Kind of a dying medium.
Might as well be in the newspaper.
Tell you what, though this is dynamite.
Bruschetta Bruschetta nights Ow! Gonna eat bruschetta all night long I mean, we're already talking 27 hits here.
And that's from this computer alone.
Do the math.
Did you see? Did you see? I was on the TV! It was awesome, buddy! You did great! Oh, I know I did great.
I don't think I needed you to tell me that.
My point is, did you see it? Yeah, I saw it.
And why are you talking to me like that? Look, we want as many eyeballs on me as possible before the album drops in march.
This is about brand recognition and that's all this is about.
Album? Well, I threw on some b-sides and some just random stuff from the studio just to kind of plump it out, but it's more of a soundtrack really to the movie I'm doing Some bullshit about Obama on a set of water skis.
Meatwad, don't sign anything until I read it first, okay.
What, you think I can't read? I know I can't read, but that don't matter.
Me and Charity and Chastity and Prudence and hope got all this figured out.
We got a special relationship, and we don't need no contracts just to please all the Bible-Grippers out there.
Meatwad, where are you? - I need to get you right now.
- Uh, where am I? Where am I? Take a look outside your window, French Fry.
I'm everywhere, bitch.
Everywhere! Did he hang up on you? Ooh! He knows better than that! Look, I told you.
This is just a quick trip to bring him back home.
You barely need to be here.
- And you definitely don't need your guitar.
- I brought all of them.
You know, in case I want to explore some different sounds.
You think about that? While you're thinking, why don't you snag my effects pedals and the acoustics and I'll meet you in the cab? I'll see you at the hotel.
Wait! I have no money! Leave it so I can delete it.
Hey, buddy, it's Shake.
I'm just passing through town.
I saw you were playing with the "hack" eyed peas.
That's what I call them.
Hey, I was just wondering if you had anybody opening up.
No pressure, obviously, but if not, why don't you slide into that slot and I can headline? Just hit me back.
You have my digits.
Shake, he isn't picking up, man.
I just got a text from him "Lick my feet.
" Oh, hilarious! He's being ironic.
We need to get to that show.
Oh, he says he left me some tickets.
I just got to pick them up at ticketmaster.
com.
You want me to see if I can squeeze you in? Chicken and beans Chicken and beans You know what? Screw "chicken and beans.
" I'm done with that.
I ain't no dancing robot.
I'm an artist, and I need to create.
You're just beasts and animals, shakin' the bars and the cages in my zoo, and I'm a magic unicorn astride a golden stallion, picked up by two giant bronze grizzly bears.
Charity, Chastity, blow me before I go onstage.
I got to lose 3 ounces so I can rock these leather chaps right proper.
Hey, who knows that song? Put your hands together, Hollywood.
Come on, yeah! I'm his best friend.
Yeah, there you go.
Little "chicken and beans" up in here? Yeah! You want to hear a little "Chicken and beans" up in here, huh? Then go down to the record store and buy my record! Stop stealing my [bleep].
Yeah, that's right.
I said it.
Throw up! Throw up! Shut up! Shut up! You ain't worth an ounce of my puke.
I puke for friends, and you ain't that.
I'm done.
"F" y'all.
Let me by! I've got a crowd pleaser! Bruschet Wait, no! Uh, excuse me.
Coming through, here.
Meatwad! French Fry.
Did you see my whores over here? They got my briefcase full of pills.
'Cause, uh, I got a medical condition comin' on It's called genius.
You're grounded.
Yeah, that's right.
I said it.
How 'bout you fax that offer to my publicist? And we'll flush it down the toilet in front of you and see if it floats.
No.
I don't believe you heard me.
- I said you're grounded.
- You're bluffing me, French Fry.
Oh, yeah? Try me.
Please don't ground me.
Six weeks.
Aw, man.
Can you believe this? I'm being sued by five Aryan Arachnids for infringing upon the copyright of "Big City Nights," note for note.
Have you ever even heard that song? Only 'cause you play it all the time.
I know.
It's incredible.
And I changed it just enough to make it mine.
This is America.
We do what we want! Hey, can I come out of the quiet corner yet? Yeah, I guess so.
We have to take this jackass to court.
Oh, you're not wearing that.
Forks, yes! We'll see who has the last sting in court, scorpions.
Bruschetta Bruschetta nights Tonight bruschetta all night long Bruschetta Bruschetta nights O-o-o-w-w