Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Shirt Herpes

I'm the pimp on top, can't never be stopped Frylock is on the bottom, and your mama on my Shakezula is m'elegante de la casa.
El Meatwad es tan grande.
Don't understand why you're [bleep] with a "g" 'Cause Shake got the bait, make a blind man see Meatwad got your mama in my ride Rollin' up the whole up and then keep the hoes high "Aqua Something You Know" Eh, whatever.
Hey, big man.
- What's up? - Carl, you came to hang out! - Up top.
- Finally.
Let's open some cold ones.
That's what I'm saying, you know? Did you bring some cold ones? Yeah, I'm not hanging out.
Well, what's the occasion? This shirt.
It's new.
Whoa.
Pretty awesome, ain't it? Now, that is cool.
It's the balls.
"The Interplanetary Insanitarium.
" Is that like a band or a road show or Maybe.
I don't know.
It is a cool shirt, though.
But it's still just a shirt.
What else? Nah, I mean rea really look at this badass shirt.
- We've be cooler than our world, ah! - Yeah, I don't wear shirts.
I can't really find anything in my size big and round, wide collar, no shoulders.
Doesn't matter, 'cause I don't think you could wear this shirt.
'Cause this is a shirt of legends, smithed from iron ore, crafted from liquid magma by one of the three demons, Satan's slaves, in the mind of a volcano.
- Volcanos have minds? - Some do, yeah.
I had no idea volcanos were self-aware.
This one was.
Look, don't interrupt.
- I'm losing momentum, here.
- Okay.
Anyway, demon one.
His name was, uh, Uno, and his brothers was named Yahtzee and Boggle.
They were selected to guard the shirt with their lives, from me.
You were alive back then? I was.
Yes, I was.
I thought you were like in your 40s.
- 40,000 Million.
- Damn, son.
Look, let's go with this.
- No interruptions, please.
- Right on, man.
You know, at that time, there was no such thing as a shirt.
You know, we barely had enough mammoth fur to cover our junk.
But we liked it that way, 'cause it allowed me to showcase my lats, my traps.
And, plus, the women I mean, seriously, it's like they were all strippers.
Strippers everywhere?! Yeah.
And, plus, uh, dragons, too.
Dragon strippers? Holy smokes! I know, right?! I saw that shirt.
I say, "I want that.
" I rode up the volcano on my, uh you know, mythical It was, uh you know.
- One-eyed wonder worm? - Yeah.
That's what I was ridin'.
I've heard you talk about it before.
So, Yahtzee looks up, and he comes at me with a bass solo.
Oh man, sure I've done that.
'Cause I ripped the ax from his clawed fingers, and I swiftly beheaded him.
All this, and I still continued the bass solo from, uh is it like a Geddy Lee deep cut? "Moving Pictures"? Maybe it was "YYZ.
" I don't know.
I didn't miss a note, I know that.
Boggle looks up at me from his drum kit, and he goes, "you don't kill my brother.
" He said something cooler than that.
That was the gist of it.
Yeah, he regretted the day I come to the Interplanetary Insanitarium.
So, then, Uno sees this, right? And he aims all his amps at me, and he tries to bring the thunder.
But I got earplugs in, and it ain't no match for me.
I got my junk ready full-on in chub mode And reflects the thunder back at him.
And it explodes his face, and it melts it off.
So, I wore this shirt, and I ruled the interplanetary insanitarium for a thousand years like a God.
My name the Gorn Lord.
So, this is you on this shirt? I lost a little up top since then.
My point is, a thousand years have passed, and I must pass this shirt down to a new warrior king, a new Gorn Lord who will rule the kingdom of hair Metal Mountain as a mighty God of Rock! Frankly, I don't know anybody like that.
Huh.
Well, good luck with that.
See you later.
Thanks for the story.
Hey, whoa.
No, no, no, no, no.
The shirt It chooses the warrior.
I cannot choose for it.
What are you saying? And bear in mind, I'm in the middle of a television show.
It's pulling me towards you.
It it must want you.
Are you serious? That I might be the warrior for a new generation?! The Gorn Lord of the Interplanetary Insanitarium, destined to live a thousand years and carry the Torch of Rock?! Yeah, that's yeah.
What are you doing?! Don't just stand there! Put it on me! Yeah! That's what I am talkin' about.
- Oh, there we go.
- Yeah, all right.
Live long and prosper.
See you later, dude.
Aah! No, no, no.
Turn around.
Come on.
Jojo, away! Who dares step foot on Metal Mountain? In the Interplanetary Insanitarium! It is I the Gorn Lord, Shake.
Wow.
That's an ugly shirt.
The shirt chose me, to rule over you as a God, as it had chose Carl before me.
Carl bought that outside a gas station on the turnpike along with a set of Molly Hatchet mud flaps.
Mud flaps! But he doesn't drive a truck.
Yeah, he framed them and, uh, put them on his rec-room wall.
Rec ro-o-o-om! Now, wait.
Are you saying that there's more than one of these shirts? No, I'm not saying that.
I'm saying there's about 18 more of those shirts hanging on the rack at the gas station.
So, there are 18 more Gorn Lords I must defeat! No, just shirts.
I think they're giving them away free with a fill-up.
Get out of here, turd.
Tur-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-d! You try to hurt my feelings, but I I don't care.
This shirt's still awesome, and you're jealous.
Will it be awesome when you bathe in the lake of fire? I'm not doing that crap.
- Yes, you are! - No, please! No! Please! Oh, that was close! Hey, um, does this shirt make me look stupid? No, you don't need some shirt to make you look stupid.
Thank you I think.
Those are words I need to think about.
Strange.
This shirt won't come off.
- How you gonna wash it? - Uh, I hadn't planned that far ahead, but it seems this shirt has other plans.
Well, I guess the plans include you.
Hold your insolent tongue, minion! You are speaking to a Gorn Lord! Oh, so good to get rid of that friggin' horrific piece of clothing.
Whoa, Carl! It's like you got a reverse farmer's tan.
D-d-don't come near me with that shirt.
Hey, did this thing come with any directions of how to get it off? No, it don't never come off only if someone accepts it.
See, you got to trick someone less smarter than you to take the shirt.
Well, why would I want to do that? Then they would be the Gorn Lord.
Good point.
You're so smart.
No.
No! Oh, hey, check it out.
We're twins.
Another Gorn Lord is in my midst? What, ho! Didst thou travel across the valley of fire to ascend Metal Mountain? Nah, I went up 95 a little bit.
I guess it was a little off the exit, but Ah.
Your shirt betrays you, my friend.
Yeah, it's a pretty awesome shirt.
I got it for free with a fill-up.
Then we are trapped in this dreamscape together.
But I must warn you.
Beware the demons Uno, Boggle, and Yahtzee.
Oh! Those aren't our names.
Carl just said that 'cause he thought it sounded cool.
- Demons, begone! - You, begone.
We live her-r-r-e! Polyester "trendles" No, polyester tendrils.
Polyester "trendils" have already entered your pores.
Enter the yeah, the pores.
And they are making their way to your hypoth Hypothalamus.
Hypothalamus, which it will shear from your cereb No, cerebellum.
- Cerebellum.
- Good.
- On earth, you will enter a coma - Comatose.
Comatose sleep state forever! That was great! I knew you could do this.
That sounds rather peaceful, demon.
In your mind, you'll be raped repeatedly by this giant octopus.
Dear God.
No.
What's up? I want to get raped by an octopus.
I said it.
Well, come on, then.
This will be great for you! - Cool.
- I don't.
- Hey, I don't! - Then you better get someone to take that shirt.
You don't tell me what to do! I don't have to! Oh, no, no! Seen like you had a bad dream.
Here.
I made you some green tea.
Hey, Meatwad, buddy.
This shirt's pretty rad, right? Yeah, I ain't much a fan of shirts.
I like it when there's a light breeze coming off the coast, and it just kisses my nipples.
What? You don't like this at all? Aw, are you trying to hurt my feelings? Well, I do got that job interview coming up.
That's right.
Most jobs need you to wear a shirt for client relations.
Yeah, but not this one.
I'm applying to be an olympic swimmer.
Listen.
If I don't get this off of me, I'm gonna get raped by an octopus.
Yeah, I highly doubt that.
Well, in my dream, that's exactly what the demons said to me.
Well, I'll be damned.
They're threads from your shirt, and they're working their way to your brain, from what I can tell.
So, just cut it off! You know, around the dragon logo, though I like that.
I can't cut it off.
It's merged with your flesh.
If I do, you'll die.
So, what exactly are you saying? I think I already said it exactly.
Cut the shirt off, you die.
Or you could try to give the shirt to someone.
Nobody wants it, Frylock! Wait.
- You need a shirt of anyone I know.
- No, thank you.
I don't need a new shirt.
Well, this officially sucks.
What you gonna do? Die or get raped by an octopus? I choose No, no, no.
I'm just not in the mood! Look, you spend all day raping me, and that's fine, and then when you're not raping me, you sleep.
We don't have any quality face-to-beak time.
For once, I'd like to look you in the eye.
I've been meaning to talk about this.
I would like maybe I'd liked to get raped by other people.
There's never a good time to tell you, because you're never listening.
Once you start raping, your ears just shut off, like a switch.
Fine.
A quickie.
Oh.
Oww.
Ohhh, there's no getting used to this.
Well, at least I'm not dead!