Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Buddy Nugget

I'm the pimp on top, can't never be stopped Frylock is on the bottom, and your mama on my Shakezula is m'elegante de la casa.
El Meatwad es tan grande.
Don't understand why you're [bleep] with a "g" 'Cause Shake got the bait, make a blind man see Meatwad got your mama in my ride Rollin' up the whole up and then keep the hoes high "Aqua Something You Know" Eh, whatever.
Check it out, yo! It's the Buddy Nugget.
What it do? Well, you click on it and it scans your brain for preferences in life, love, and hobbies.
Then it emits a signal to attract others with similar interests so you can make new buddies.
It's the Buddy Nugget.
Do me.
Let me try.
That won't work.
- Hey! - Whoa! Oh, my ear.
Do that right by my ear.
It works! It works, y'all! Look at this.
Dewy, Vanessa, Squirrely.
I hate that y'all had to move, but you got to go where the jobs are, you know? See? Now you've got a whole group of buddies.
At Buddy Nugget, we call this a buddy basket.
Come on! Let me try it already! Let's crank this bitch up! Wait a minute, you might want to unlock the door so my fans can get in.
- This is weird.
Well, it's a slim broken.
- But it says here likes include money, and your turn-offs are friendship, manners, and people.
- That's about right.
- I like people.
Well, I like the things I get from them.
But that's not what a buddy is, man.
This is the Buddy Nugget.
Well, I call it the Buddy Suckit, 'cause this thing sucks! It's not gonna suck when I make a fortune on it.
Just needs a little more field testing to work the kinks out, you know what I mean? Do it on you.
I want to meet your buddies.
Oh, no, no, no.
I mean, I've done it.
I-it works.
I just don't want them knowing my address.
"Them" who? You know, my buddy.
This ain't gonna give me, like, crotch cancer or nothing, is it? No way, dude.
Not for at least 30 years.
And by then, you'll be dead from cellphone radiation.
Yeah, well, you better be right.
Aah! So, then, this happens and then broads just come up here on their knees to give me oral? Well, it's not really for that, you know.
Then what good is it? Oh, Carl, here comes your first buddy now.
- Watch out, guy.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, Chief! How about you watch where you're walking here? How about you pay attention to where you're standing, asshole? Hey, last time I checked, I own this puppy, huh? I walk where I want.
What's it to you, butt-nut? - You're the butt-nut.
- You want a piece of this? - You want a piece of this? - Whoa, easy, guys.
Hey, hey, hey.
No shoving here.
It says here that you both like sports.
Am I right? Yeah, I like sports.
So what? I like sports.
- My team's the best.
- I know, right? - The giants.
- Giants?! [ Belches ] Jets! J-e-t-s jets, jets, jets, idiot.
Screw you, you fat ginney! - You want to go? - Sorry! - You want to go? - Sure, bubba.
- See? It works! Kind of.
- Make a move.
You like what I do? How about when I do this? What do we got, a gang-bang going on over here, you two? - What did you say? - Yeah, I said it, honey.
- Come over here and say that.
- You step on my friend's lawn, I'm gonna bust your ass! - Your car is badass.
- Yeah, I know.
- Too bad you're a pussy.
- You want some of this? I'll take some.
I'll take some more.
- Who is this guy? - Oh, you want some now? - You getting bored back there? - Make a move.
Is that all you got? 'Cause I just took some of it.
Your product works.
I'm satisfied with the field testing.
So, what's our plan with it? How are we pushing this out to the major markets? Where do we see this in five years? Well, look at Facebook and Twitter.
We start off small, like they did, see? And this goes [belches] huge, I know.
We came up with this, right? Well, technically you know, the Buddy Nugget is - not copyrighted yet, so I - Friendtourage.
Now that our name.
That doesn't involve buddies.
That like one is more important than all the rest.
I mean, not right now, but I'm gonna be.
I don't like that name, man no.
Fair enough.
How about the Self-Importanator! Look, I'll talk branding with you later, okay? But first, I don't want anybody to know about it.
Nobody's gonna know yet.
Damn it, Shake! You promise me, you keeps this under wraps, man! This is not a premiere.
It's a pre-pre-release to generate a little buzz just to fool people into thinking this ain't some hunk of crap.
It isn't a hunk of Flavor Flav? When does he perform? Perform? No, no, no.
He just appears.
Performance is a whole other ball of wax.
So, when does he arrive? That's the beauty of it.
It's whenever he damn well wants.
And this lanyard's gonna get me into the club? Plus two drink tickets! And access to the bottomless cheese tray.
- Oh yeah.
- There you go.
That worked out.
You go right on in there, and you wait for Flav.
There you go.
That's what I'm talking about! All right! Yeah! Shake, you ain't coming in to get your cheese on? No, I'm uh, lactose intolerant.
Weird, coming from a milkshake.
No matter.
, bitches.
No, no, no, no, no.
See, you don't understand.
See, these are my drink tickets right here.
I'm V.
level! You know what that stands for, right? Very Impotent Penis Damn it, Shake! Look, yo.
Bottomless cheese.
I hit rock bottom.
Where the hell is Shake? There goes that cup That mother [bleep] cup.
There goes that cup Shake! Shake! I'm sorry, you're not allowed in here, sir.
Shake, I can see you.
Shake, I see your ass right there.
Oh, hey! How's it going Mr.
? - Yeah.
I read the lanyard.
- Penis, classic.
Hey, cheese tray treating you right? Hey, you want a T-shirt? Hey, give my friend a T-shirt here, will you? Stop with the damn t-shirts! What the hell's going on over here? This is the real premiere party.
I rented that dump next door just to siphon off all the nerds.
Wait, we rented two clubs? And a boat, yes.
- Is that okay with you? - No it's not.
Look, calm down.
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
Here's two drink tickets.
Don't tell anybody I gave them to you, but go next door, and wait for Flav.
And what does M.
stand for, huh? There's, uh there's different levels.
I don't know.
Look, buddy, I'd let you in over here, but we're at capacity, and the fire marshal is pretty strict because of all the smoke machines.
Anyways, text me later when you guys are driving home! Fine! You think you can keep me out? Not today, pal! 'Cause guess who I've got in my buddy basket? This weird scientist guy who is afraid of sunlight! But apparently, we have a lot of other things in common! - Dr.
- Dr.
I remember your name.
Well, do you remember when I said this? "Together, we can dissolve the planet, and everyone who ever betrayed me in gym class will feel a pain unlike any sensation!" No! Please don't! Not in front of the girls' basketball team!" Man, you seemed to be pretty down with that, you know dissolving those guys.
Seemed really into it.
You know, I tracked them down, and I killed their pets.
Then I never hear from you.
Been busy with work, been at the gym, trying to get back in shape, stuff like that.
Well, see, now you told me you didn't have a job and that you didn't even like the gym.
But I'm glad to see you're growing as a person.
I know.
Just please, for right now, can you just use your metal teeth to get me in this club? - Us, right? Get us? - No, of course.
Both of us.
L-l-let's hang.
To the boat! Shake? Shake? He's probably moving to the V.
Dude, you have a V.
boat? - Oh, that's rad.
Let's go.
- Oh, totally.
I was gonna call you, too, Dr.
I totally forgot you moved here to be closer to me.
- We'll see a woman.
- Breakout the schnitzel.
'Cause it's a sausage fest.
Free drinks, I'll bet.
Let's go in and [farts] someone up.
No, no, no.
No one gets in without one of these.
And there's only one of these.
See if my name is on the list.
I'm the one who created the damn thing.
I'll do it, but there's only one name on the list, and it ain't yours.
See if my names on the list.
Meatwad, plus two.
It may be under Dewy or Vanessa.
Look, can you change people's, uh, minds with your metal teeth? Oh, yeah.
That's change.
He's a pudding.
Here's your V.
pass and some drink tickets.
See you on the boat.
Guys, a little bit of a little bit of a roadblock.
Thanks, man.
I'll e-mail you, okay? No, I can't I can't get up the ra- throw some d's on 'em Throw some, throw some d's on 'em There goes that cup Shake, get the hell up.
What are you doing here? The promenade deck is reserved for clients.
You're just the creator.
Look, I created the [belches] thing to give you a [belches] reason to have a [belches] party in the [belches] first place! Flav cannot see a floating box of fries at his party! He's gonna flip out and hit you with his clock! - It ain't his party, Shake! - It is now.
He's got 25% interest in the Flavor Saver.
Flavor Saver? It's the Buddy Nugget.
- We didn't issue any stock! - Well you didn't.
- Hey, are you Flavor Flav? - Oh, no.
No, I'm not.
Oh, okay.
My bad.
Wait, Flav! Come back! It's totally cool! Hey, you're supposed to stay for 15 minutes minimum, mister! Please don't go! Well, I guess the party is over, huh? Get enough buzz for the nugget, huh? Oh, was that Flavor Flav? Or was it was it the "chocolate rain" guy? Either way, big fan of both.
God I've got to get off this boat! Now that you're on it, it's not even cool.
Who put this pudding on the deck? It's damn good.
Look, I've thought a lot about it, and you can have the Buddy Nugget, okay? You do whatever you want to do with it.
Good, because I secured the copyright.
Winning! - Flav! - Hey.
What up, dawg? Wait.
Hang on.
Do I need to pay your appearance fee to be here in my living room? No, no.
It's cool.
We'll do a freebie on this one.
Oh, good.
Wait a minute.
Clock radio.
You're not Flav at all, are you? Okay, you got me.
I'm a celebrity impersonator.
- Aw, man.
- Yo, don't be trippin'.
- I look like Flav, I sound like Flav.
- You're white! I know that, but this is my tribute to public enemy and their message of racial empowerment.
Really? Black face? Well, yeah, if you're gonna say it like that, it sounds bad.
Let's throw some d's on 'em Throw some, throw some d's on 'em Let's throw some d's on 'em Throw some, throw some d's on 'em Let's throw some d's on 'em Throw some, throw some d's on 'em Let's throw some d's on 'em Throw some, throw some d's on 'em Let's throw some d's on 'em Throw some, throw some d's