Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Muscles

Uh-uh-uh, ooh.
Welcome to paradise.
Now, leave all your worries and other TV shows behind, baby.
It's time "Aqua TV Show Show.
" "Aqua TV Show Show.
" "Aqua TV Show Show.
" "Aqua TV Show Show.
" I said "Aqua TV Show Show.
" "Aqua TV Show Show.
" "Aqua TV Show Show.
" "Aqua TV Show Show.
" I said Master Shake, Frylock, my little homey Meatwad Load us on the beats Yeah, we heavy in the streets Got the whole planet in the Palm of our hands, though So get pumped up for the "Aqua TV " Good lord, Shake.
Look at your blood pressure, man.
- It's astronomical.
- Awesome.
I told you I was good, son, and now my blood proves it.
It's bad, Shake.
It's off the charts.
You're just jealous of my live-fast lifestyle.
'Cause I got it all, baby.
And you can suck it.
Not for long, man.
Yes, my friend.
For a very long time.
If both my hands were not tingling and not responding to my brain impulses right now, I would shove you so hard for stepping to me like this.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Your hands are tingling? And so is my face.
You see how my left eye is drooping with rage? Don't press my buttons! Meatwad, call 911! Okay, the cow's on his way with the chicken.
And look here.
He bringin' a dolphin.
What happened? It's okay.
It's okay, Shake.
Just relax.
Lean back.
You collapsed, man.
I must've seen my reflection and gone nuts.
- That's just how it happens to women.
- Here.
Get well soon.
I brung you some flowers from Carl's yard.
And Carl sends his wishes, too.
He said he wished you was dead, 'cause all this here come from Carl's yard.
Okay, look, Shake.
They're gonna let you out of here today, all right? But you need to start exercising, and you need to start changing your diet.
Well, nobody exercises on "Hawaii Five-O.
" - I'm pretty sure they surf sometimes.
- Unh-unh.
That's CG.
And stop throwing "Hawaii Five-O" in my face, okay? That's a terrible argument.
You're right.
It's time for me to stop relying on that "Hawaii Five-O" crutch.
I got to make some changes.
And I need to do it now.
Why would anyone do this?! What are you exercising for? You're just gonna die.
Maybe not me, though.
I'm in good shape.
- How is this so easy for you? - Check this out.
How the hell did you get so buff and ripped, huh? I'm glad you asked.
Muscle beverages.
Singapore muscle beverages.
It's called "Thump," 'cause that's what you do to dudes after you drink this.
Comes in two flavors mango bitchslap and coconut what did you say to me? And you don't have to do, you know, anything? You don't go to the gym you don't do nothin'.
You just pop it open and chug it With vodka.
You know, they taste bad.
- You want to try one? - You'd do that for me? Yeah, absolutely.
$14 cash.
I'm a Thump distributor.
Yeah, I'm feeling it! Whoo-hoo.
You want more, you let me know, 'cause no friggin' stores will take this.
Amazing Grace How sweet the sound That saved a wretch like me Meatwad, how many times have I told you to get off that treadmill? You're grossing it all up, man.
Yeah, I know.
This is a good workout song.
Well, look who's back.
That was a mighty short run.
No, it was a long run, but I'm back quick because I did it fast.
- Nacho chips? - "Nacho" business.
Yeah, I said it.
What? Now walk away.
Walk away before I make it your business.
- Well, at least the confidence is back.
- I'm getting ripped, aren't I? And you can't stand it.
When we've been Here 10,000 years Meatwad, stop.
You're getting meat grease all over the treads.
I know.
It makes me sad, too.
You harmonize with me.
Aah! He said stop running on his treadmill! Damn.
Uh Shake? The words you're looking for are "thank" and "you.
" Put them together.
They make a nice sound.
- You okay out there, Meatwad? - No, man.
He threw me through a damn wall.
Ooh, he broke your treadmill.
So I did.
Do something about it.
- No, no.
It's all right.
- Yeah, that's what I thought.
What the [belch] are you looking at? I'm looking at my, uh, shoes and now at this weird spot on the floor.
I definitely ain't looking at you, sir.
Good, 'cause my ball just went in.
So did this one and this one.
And all of these went in, right? - Right? Right? - E-e-excellent shot.
- What'd you say to me? Huh?! - I said you won.
- What? - You won.
- What?! - You're very good.
What'd you say to me?! And you should take all of this money, and it's getting late, and I should be going home.
- How about a free ride? - Oh, don't do that.
- Hyah! - Ohh! What are you looking at?! You see something you like?! - What are you looking at?! - Aah! Oh! Shake.
Wake wake up, man.
Oh, I slept so hard.
- Did you, uh, go out last night? - No, I didn't.
Question me again, and the sting will come fast.
I'm I'm just saying.
There's this story all over the news this morning about a white milkshake with a pink straw beating the crap out of about 15 guys downtown.
Well, that wasn't me.
So these 15 wallets down here aren't yours, either? - No.
Of course not.
- This one's attached to some jeans.
I wouldn't be caught dead in those jeans.
And these jeans are attached to a A human pelvis.
Look, Shake.
You know I trust you, man.
A-and this doesn't sound like you.
So stop asking, or I'll ask you to leave the room.
And it'll be rhetorical, friend, 'cause you'll already be three blocks away with a caved-in head wearing your ass like a dog collar! Yeah, how about you open your ears, Frylock, and listen to my chest, which is talking? You listen, too, drink cup, 'cause I'm only gonna say this once.
I'm running the show.
And if you cross me, I'll cross your legs in a direction they ain't supposed to go! May I may I ask, please, who who you are? I'm your muscles! You get one question, and you used it.
Next question! - How how did you get there? - I told you one question! But then you said, "next question.
" The next time you open your mouth, it'll be to show the dentist what he's gonna be working on for the next six months [belch] teeth! Frylock.
Will you please ask my muscles a question? - I used all my questions.
- I'd rather not.
Now I ask the questions.
Um Where the [belch] is my muscle beverage? And you better say "close by.
" It's called "Thump," and, uh, Carl has some.
He's, uh, an East Coast distributor, but he doesn't like it when we visit, but that's Absolute we'll just go visit him.
We'll just go, 'cause you really seem intent on meeting him.
Carl! Get your fat ass out here with my muscle juice! Carl, you need to do everything he says as fast as you can.
Uh, hey! Oh, no, no.
Wait! Back away from the home entertainment cen I still got three more payments on that plasma! Shut the word hole in your face before I fill it with angry diarrhea.
I want all the rest of your muscle drink right now! Here.
I got a new New new flavor new flavor, blueberry butt-rape.
Uh, uh, uh.
- Did I stutter? - Oh! Shoot, I don't have $14.
Um Do you have $14? - Don't look at me.
I'm broke.
- Try these.
It's, uh they're muscle mints.
And I've got some vitamins, and they're free, too.
Take them all.
Give me all of them! Um, a little warning? - What the hell did you just do? - They're muscle relaxers, see? Oh, that's good.
I thought you were, like, trying to compete with the muscle mints.
A turf war ain't good for business for neither of us.
How about a little help here? You won't be able to move your muscles, Shake, but it's not gonna last very long, so we need to work fast.
Are you out of your mind?! Listen, when he wakes up, he's gonna kick all our asses.
Not me.
I'll be gone.
So he'll probably take all his frustrations out on you.
And he'll be pissed.
What you gonna do, muscle man? It's all quite simple.
Frylock is going to take my brain and put it into the body of Jay-Z.
- I can't do that.
- Wha oh, you don't know him? I knew him back when he was J-Zimmerberg.
Look, Shake, I have an idea, but you might not like it.
Just answer me this Is it better than putting my brain inside the body of Jay-Z? Uh, it's a little more realistic than that.
You're gonna put my brain inside the body of Schoolly D? Yeah, I could do that for $10,000.
So, this wooden time machine will take me back to before the muscles took over my body? Um no.
This is known as a veal-fattening pen.
So you get to hang out here all day, and the muscles will just melt away.
And you can do this all in one day? Well a lot of days.
Hey, turn on the lights, or I'll turn on your head! I'll turn off your head! The lights will go out in your head, 'cause you'll have energy-saving balls.
I don't have a good saying here, but I'm pissed! - We should go.
- Wait, wait, wait! What's gonna entertain me all day? - Well, your neighbors seem real nice.
- Come on! - They're freakin' cows! - When I get a chance - Hey, Shake.
It's me, Meatwad.
- Oh, bad muscels are gone.
You're free now, Shake.
Shake? Moo! - Oh, no.
He's turned.
- What does that mean? We're gonna get to bring him home, ain't we? Meatwad, I think this is gonna have to be his new home from now on.
Moooo! See, here he can run and be free with his own kind.
But He's our friend.
Well, yes and no.
Come on.
He'll be happier this way.
Goodbye, Shake.
I've never forget you.
Don't look back, Meatwad.
Don't look back.
- He's gonna be okay.
You'll see.
- No, he ain't.
Ew, what's that ripping noise? Like someone's just tearing a nylon tent.
Get in the car.