Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Merlo Sauvignon Blanco

Uh-uh-uh, ooh.
Welcome to paradise.
Now, leave all your worries and other TV shows behind, baby.
It's time "Aqua TV Show Show.
" "Aqua TV Show Show.
" "Aqua TV Show Show.
" "Aqua TV Show Show.
" I said "Aqua TV Show Show.
" "Aqua TV Show Show.
" "Aqua TV Show Show.
" "Aqua TV Show Show.
" I said Master Shake, Frylock, my little homey Meatwad Load us on the beats Yeah, we heavy in the streets Got the whole planet in the Palm of our hands, though So get pumped up for the "Aqua TV " Turn them back on! Where have you been? You know, I told you I was going to night school, for my diploma? Oh, yeah, you're getting a PhD, all right in lies! You smell like clam sauce and horseradish! I may have stopped by a restaurant.
You went to the seafood restaurant, didn't you?! Of course not! I know I'm allergic to shellfish and it's dangerous for me to eat it! Well, that's good.
So, I guess I'll just throw away all these jumbo shrimp! No, don't! Wait! Hang on! Let me let me throw them away! I'll do it! Will you throw away these lobster thermidors I found - in the bushes behind the house? - No, let's not get rid of those.
- And who's bib is this, hmm? - I don't know.
- But can you just wring out that cushion? - Listen to me, Shake.
The only way you can be safe and healthy is to kick shellfish once and for all! I totally will Tomorrow! Fresh start! I'm going cold Turkey, everybody! You keep saying that.
But what happens tomorrow, huh, when a dozen oysters ain't enough, and some cool guy gives you a free prawn on the house? Next thing you know, you're out on the street, turning tricks for crawfish.
Pinching the tail, sucking the head! You're right! It's time to make a change! Okay.
We'll get you the help you need.
- Merlo Sauvingon Blanco, Mindmaster.
- I found him in the back of a Weekly.
No one seemed to like him on the Internet, but the price was right! - So, Shake's in there? - Yeah.
So I can have me these lobsters now? Follow the yo-yo with your eyes.
Watch the yo-yo, pretty yo-yo.
How it dances in the light.
How do you feel? Uh Okay.
Are you prepared to submit to my mental will? - Ye-e-e-e-s-s-s-s.
- And my insane requests?! Probably - You will call me the Mindmaster! - Okay, Mindmaster.
- Do you see this beautiful woman? - Yes, Mindmaster.
She's my ex! - Now, when I say the word shellfish - Shellfish! You will march straight over to that bitch's house Which was my house! And dump this bucket of acid on what should still be my cool-ass crayo Sunsplash! - It's a conversion van.
- Of course, Mindmaster.
You're awake! Alert! Alert to me! You have no memory of what we just spoke of, right? - You better not.
- What we spoke of? What nothing? - Yeah, you're great, pal.
- Are you still craving - Shellfish?! - That bitch! Wait! Wait! How is 11:30 for you tomorrow? - It's open.
- That's good.
That's great.
Well, I will I'll see you then, friend.
- All right.
Sellfish! - For you, Mindmaster.
Oh, God! I wish I could've been there! Now, was Rick there? .
or whatever his name is.
I don't know, Mindmaster! You know he's got grown kids, right? - What future could they have together? - I don't know, Mindmaster! Ah, well, anyways, watch the yo-yo, the pretty yo-yo.
You know the drill.
How do you feel?! As always, I am under your control, Mindmaster! You're god-damn right you are.
Follow the yo-yo.
Follow the yo-yo! Follow the yo-yo.
Don't look at the vagrant! You encourage him.
Look at the yo-yo! Follow the yo-yo.
Watch your step! Car on your left, on your left! Just sit with the yo-yo.
Sit with the yo-yo.
Be back in five.
Back in five! Follow the yo-yo.
Follow the yo-yo.
Just hang on.
Let me let me switch arms.
Should've brought the lighter yo-yo.
The yo-yo has stopped in front of Unbelievable Ron! This unbelievable dick took my weekly gig at the high-roller room.
- Yes, Mindmaster.
- You're awake! Alert! You know nothing! You remember nothing! Where the hell am I? Are you ready for this, ladies and gentlemen? Whoa! He's gonna saw this broad in half? How's that legal?! His show's pretty good! Hey, why are you sitting three rows back, Merlo? - Sh-shut up! I don't know you! - A-one, a-two, a-three! Half a bitch! I'm gettin' paid! I see a turban in the back.
Oh, no! That ain't Merlo, is it? - Topical analgesic! - Topical analgesic! Get the hell back! Get off me, fool! I knew he was using a trapdoor! - What the hell? - What - What's happening to me?! - I-i-it's okay.
It's okay, buddy! Y-you're home.
Home is with me, in my one-bedroom efficiency next to the dumpster behind the place that buys gold! - What? - Come forth, roomie! - And bring your pleated pants! - Pleated pants.
You're a madman! He would never live with you! I'm gonna go live with him, okay? Bye, guys.
I won't let it happen! Oh, well, sounds like someone's hungry for a western omelet! - Western omelet.
- Aah.
Aah! Shake! - He's controlling you! Fight it! - We should listen to some - Merle haggard! - Merle haggard.
Ow! Aah! - Don't listen to him, Shake! - No! Do listen! - Mind Mosquito, suck him dry! - All right.
You'll never get away with this! Oh, no.
Who wants to play a round of golf? - Vegemite sandwich! - Vegemite sandwich.
Yeah, let's go play golf, I guess.
It's boring, expensive, and I got to wear a s-shirt with a collar, but, uh, I like it.
Who's playing golf? Can I play golf? - I love me some golf, y'all.
- No, Meatwad.
I need your help, man! I know, but, see, he needs me to play golf, and - That sound like more fun.
- Don't go! So see you later! Stop hanging near the door, Mind Mosquito! Shoo and do my bidding! - Damn it! - Suck him dry! Wait a minute.
You're not the Mind Mosquito, are you? - Yeah, it's me, bitch! - So that means you're gonna Suck your mind into my brain so I can possess your intelligence, and you will soon be a drooling vegetable? - Yeah, I thought that was just an urban legend.
- It ain't! I have over 300 patents on mind-sucking.
My work has fulfilled my financial dreams 10 times over! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Before you drain my brain, maybe we can work something out, here! Everybody want to work something out of Mind Mosquito.
Come on.
Golf sucks! It's fun! Keep your head down.
Come on! Damn it! Vegemite sandwich.
I can't really focus when you're yelling behind me and I'm in a trance half the time.
You're not in a trance! Vegemite sandwich.
- Oh, you son of a - That's a good try! - Vegemite sandwich! - God, I hate this game! Shake, just settle down.
Just keep your feet shoulder-width apart.
Watch me.
And swing nice and easy.
You ain't got to kill it! That is an excellent shot! You know what?! I'm gonna go find my club! I seem to have lost it! Maybe I'll find that while I'm finding this club! - Maybe they can all go find each other! - Now, don't get down on yourself.
I'm not down on myself I just seem to keep losing my clubs! Vegemite sandwich! I'm getting hungry, y'all for some vegemite sandwich.
Me, too! I say it, and then my mouth just waters for one.
- Mmm.
- Damn it! You seem to really love this game, as I do! I just love to hang out and have fun with fun people.
I get so tired of having to implant suggestive words into people's minds to make people hang out with me.
See, that's the thing I ain't got no mind up here.
What I got in here is .
a rotisserie chicken.
Hey, I've got a crazy idea.
You want to live together? You better believe.
It's simple.
You take down the stars.
I open the window, and you're gone.
Damn it, how 'bout you open the window, then I'll pull the stars out the wall? But I can't open a window until you pull the throwing stars out of the wall.
It's impossible! Does that not make sense to you? So, what's, uh What's the deal with you and Merlo? - You friends with him, or - Merlo is a moron.
I sucked him dry years ago.
He's a walking shell.
How does he keep trapping you in that jar, then? Yo, keep getting smart with me, I'm gon' get smart with your brain.
- Feel me?! - Meaning you're gonna suck out my mind? Then I'll be too stupid to open the window! Any of the minds you've sucked capable of understanding that? It's a lot longer than it looks.
To me, when I use my mind, it looks like a wedge shot.
I say use your driver.
I'll pull you down.
Then you crush me into goo.
- Yeah, right.
- Look, man.
You just gonna have to trust me.
That's what friendship is all about.
You need to trust me, Merlo, 'cause, see, that's what friendship's all about.
Okeydokey! Driver it is! - Whoo! - Good shot.
I don't need friends when I have shellfish! Uh, a little gamey, but They they too big, man! I can't move them! Boom! Gross.
Whew! Thanks, Carl.
Take me down, please, buddy.
These are real asian, not knock-offs.
- Can I keep these? - Uh, sure, Carl.
- Friendship is about trust.
- Friendship ain't about trust.
Friendship is about nunchucks.