Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Skins

Uh-uh-uh, ooh.
Welcome to paradise.
Now, leave all your worries and other TV shows behind, baby.
It's time for "Aqua TV Show Show.
" Frylock: "Aqua TV Show Show.
" Shake: "Aqua TV Show Show.
" Meatwad: "Aqua TV Show Show.
" I said "Aqua TV Show Show.
" Frylock: "Aqua TV Show Show.
" Shake: "Aqua TV Show Show.
" Meatwad: "Aqua TV Show Show.
" [ Rapping ] I said Master Shake, Frylock My little homey Meatwad Lotus on the beats Yeah, we heavy in the streets Yeah, got the whole planet In the palm of our hands, though So give thumbs up for the "Aqua TV --" [ Evil laughter ] [ Brakes squeal ] [ Drums beating rhythmically ] [ Wheels squeaking ] [ Static hisses ] Shake: Sibilance! Sibilance! One, two.
One, two.
Need a little more from this right monitor, please.
Need the sound of my voice! Yeah, that's good.
That's good! Kazoo solo! [ Kazoo playing ] Meatwad on trombone! [ Trombone and kazoo playing ] And here comes the fiddle! [ Music continues ] Frylock, I said, "Here comes the fiddle!" Meatwad: He bounced.
Shake: Is he out of his mind?! We're about to get psyched here! You see this crowd?! I dare not offend you, fair brother, but it's called a drum circle, not a jerk circle.
Shake: Well, how do I get way into this? Oh, come over to my humble market.
I will -- I will show you the way.
Follow my lead.
Fingers, then palm, palm, fingers, palm, back of palm, front of palm, fingertips, finger backage, palm, fingers.
Shake: Palm, palm, fingers.
The palm, palm, fingers.
You got it! Yes, you got it! It's like the call of the tribesmen across the Savanna.
Shake: It's like Neil Peart in rush! Palm, palm, fingers! Yeah, I'm gonna join the circle! No, hold on, bro.
That's a -- that's a $200 authentic Wabosabi bongo.
Shake: Yeah, and it plays like one! No, I need some renumeration, my friend.
Shake: I thought you guys were, like, all natural and used leaves for money and a hug-based currency system, man.
We do, but sometimes we like $200 in cash.
Shake: How 'bout$80? Will that do it? [ Groans ] Hippies.
G-- all right.
We'll do $80 down, Use this card, and you can get instant sandal points.
Shake: All right.
What do I get with that? Get yourself a frisbee with a certain leaf imprinted on it.
[ Drum beating rhythmically ] Shake: Yeah! Get off, man! Throw down! Skin! Skin! Shake: Frylock! Then I play the rhythm, and this freaking creature appears out of nowhere, and he's crying, "My skin! My skin!" - Frylock: Prove it.
- Shake: I will! This happened to me.
You just have the gun ready, okay? [ Drums beating rhythmically ] - My skin! - Shake: Shoot it in the face! Frylock: Okay, okay.
Stop playing.
Stop playing, man.
Okay, I believe you.
I believe you.
What the hell was that thing?! Shake: Rhythm created it from probably my magic playing, like in the -- "The matrixes," when you see the numbers everywhere.
Well, I'm actually the one.
Frylock: Meatwad, you do it.
Meatwad: Let me turn this beat around.
[ Drums beating rhythmically ] Shake: It's supposed to be palm, palm, finger, palm, palm, finger! - Aaah! - Shake: Shoot it in the face! - Frylock: Okay, okay.
- Shake: No, I'm the one! Frylock: You need to take these bongos back.
Carl: Hey, dumb-ass patrol, how 'bout you stick your palm, palm, finger in this freakin' hole?! 'cause I'm in the middle of my water aerobics.
[ Can opens ] Oh, well, hello, friends.
Per chance I could sell you and your red friend a dugout or some clove cigarettes to breathe in from and on and exhale onto this glorious day on earth, mother earth? Frylock: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We want to return this bongo for a full refund.
I'm afraid that won't be possible.
It's not our corporate policy to accept returns.
Frylock: Corporate policy? This is a camper van, man.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
[ Breathes deeply ] Let's breathe deep, brother.
Shake: Come on, Frylock.
Be cool.
I don't want to lose instant sandal points.
Frylock: When we play these drums, a creature comes out of nowhere, wanting our skin.
Ohh! I don't know what that's about! Frylock: All right, fine.
Fine.
You want to see how it works? Sit back and watch.
[ Drums beating rhythmically ] No, please! Don't play the drum.
It's the Wabosabis.
- Frylock: Wabo-what? - Wabosabis.
They're ghosts from space, and they've come back to retrieve their skin.
Frylock: Retrieve? Wait a minute, man.
What do you mean? Why would they want their skin back? Because I-I-I may have torn it off and used it on some drums.
- Frylock: What?! - Look, when they came to me, I was stoned.
I was super, super stoned.
I thought this is nothing but a beautiful daydream, a reverie that this majestic purple dancer -- you should have seen it.
It was this perfect image of peace, making love with this purple woman through this enormous, purple, girthy Peter, and there was purple children living off the land in harmony, so I -- so I slaughtered them and Oh, harsh, dude! like the ancient Iroquois with the buffalo, well, I used every part -- I mean, the skin for the drums and the skulls for tobacco bongs and vaporizers, and the soft, velvety Wabosabi scrotum is just -- ohh! Makes a perfect hacky-sack.
I got to be honest with you.
Meatwad: But ain't you hippies like a vegan? Well, look, it doesn't count if they're from space.
I mean, it's space.
It's not here.
Shake: Let me tell you something.
I'm super grossed out that I put my hand on that.
- I hope that wasn't butt skin.
- Frylock: That's not our point.
Shake: I don't even want to know why all them curly little hairs came off of it.
Frylock: Our point is you'll never get away with it.
What are you gonna do? Are you gonna call the space police, red man? I control a multinational conglomerate of patchouli peddlers.
I have thousands of these rusted RVs around the globe, and if you try to stand in my way, you're gonna get crushed -- under my unwashed, bare feet.
Shake: Oh, yeah?! Well, what you did is wrong! Frylock: That's right, and we're gonna get organized and we're gonna host a benefit on behalf of the Wabosabi! Shake: You know, I was totally done after I yelled at him.
I had full closure.
You know that, right? I was done.
[ Drums beating rhythmically ] Stop the rhythm! Stop the rhythm at once! But the beat -- I thought it -- Shake: I know.
I know.
Goes on.
But this is not what you think! Look.
[ Drums beating rhythmically ] My skin! - I see it.
- Whoa! I see it, too.
I'm pretty sure I see it.
This thing, star shower, not that thing.
Oh, yeah.
I see that, too.
[ Laughs nervously ] You're all hallucinating, guys.
It's -- - Shake: He's lying! - Got hold of a bad tab, I guess.
Shake: The drum is made of Wabosabi skin, and the bongo king is harvesting these purple space creatures to make his homemade hippie drums! He castrates them and sells their glands as hacky-sacks! - Balls? - Balls from space! Nice! But -- but -- but listen.
The Wabosabis are a renewable resource, I remind you.
Shake: Because he breeds them so he can turn Wabosabi baby spines into devil sticks! Babies have spines? Shake: He's a capitalist pig, and I have a petition going around to raise awareness.
And I'm not moving until the bongo king is behind bars! Aah! Ohh! Ohh! You got to have a permit to be here.
Seize him! Shake: Yo, it's the cops! That's not cool! Ahh! Somebody play my drum! Ohh! Ahh! Keep the spirit of the Wabosabi alive! Keep the Wabosabi alive, man! More Wabosabis all the time, man! Frylock: Damn, Shake.
I've never seen you get so passionate about something.
Shake: I know.
I'm deep.
I am an ocean of emotion, and when I care about something, I let people know to look at me, and then I get paid attention to.
Frylock: Well, you've certainly become the loudest voice for the Wabosabi movement.
I'll give you that.
- Shake: You're welcome! - Frylock: How do you plan on getting them off our front lawn? [ Drums beating rhythmically ] Carl: Attention, greasy, dirty, stupid, long-hair wackadoos! Shut down your freaking jungle music! The milkshake, dude, with the straw! Shake: Thank you! Thank you! My album will drop sometime in August! Now, has anyone seen the spirit of the Wabosabi people?! I think he's inside, watching TV.
Shake: Oh, is that right? He's watching that show where they spoil all the magic tricks.
He loves your TV, man.
[ Laughs ] "Celebrity badminton.
" Shake: Hey! Hey! You have any idea how stupid I look, going to jail for you?! I'm out there talking about how barbaric he was with your scrotum, and you're at the freaking mall, getting it pierced! I think it's infected.
Hack attack.
Shake: I am not touching that with my foot again! Shake, I appreciate what you've done for me and my people, but now I want money.
Shake: I thought you live off the land! My new cellphone plan is more than I expected to pay.
Shake: You got a freaking cellphone?! Hell, yeah.
Shake: You've been denied multiple times! Carl: I told you people to shut it down! This is what you get when you don't listen! Losing rhythm! Shake: That's right.
Meatwad, get your golden ax.
[ Trombone and kazoo playing ] And here comes the fiddle! [ Fiddle playing ] Yeah! Music isn't about freedom or feeling the rhythm.
It's about loose women and raking in the jack.
Both: [ Off-key ] Camptown ladies, sing this song Doo-da, doo-da Camptown racetrack Oh, da-doo-da day Carl: Yeah! Doo-da! Doo-da your face off! Yeah, hey.
Uh, I noticed this isn't Def Leppard, like we discussed.
Carl: Yeah, well, I notice all these chocolate candies ain't green like we discussed, neithers.
"Photograph," "Pour some sugar on me," "Rock of ages" -- you promised me those songs.
Carl: Hey, they don't want to blow their wad with all the good songs.
They want to ease into it with the new stuff.
Yeah! Shake: Doo-da, doo-da And -- and I guess this is how Def Leppard spells their name now.
Carl: Yeah, Def Lepp [ Clears throat ] That's the original lineup, too, before the drummer lost his arm.
He's better.
He's got two in this one.
Both: Oh, da-doo-da-day