Ash vs Evil Dead (2015) Episode Scripts

N/A - The Host

Who the hell are you? I'm your new best friend.
He's behind all of this.
Maybe we could help each other out.
Let's get this motherfucker.
- Oh, shit! - His real hand.
I hope your weird Brujo uncle can help us out.
I'll look inside of you.
You want me to take an acid trip? Oh, no, you Everything all right in there? Who's fuckin' with who now, huh?! And then he started speaking in tongues, and-and it looked like he was having a seizure and then, that's when he grabbed me by the throat, and started to strangle me.
And the name of this demon, are you sure it was "Eligos?" I'm positive, because he said it just like that.
He said, "I am Eligos," And that was right before his eyes went completely black, and then you guys came in, thank God.
Fuck, what a story! What a fuckin' bullshit story that is! - Oh my God.
- I would've never It must've gotten inside Ash back at the book store.
And that's why we never fool with demons.
Your Uncle Esteban fooled with demons, and look what happened to him.
I just don't understand why we didn't see it sooner.
Nothin' to see.
- Eligos is a demon of the mind.
- Yeah.
- He's a manipulator.
- Uh-huh.
He snare your friend after the summoning, and slowly worked deep into his brain, until the vision quest popped him up to fruition.
No, there's nobody inside of me! You must be right, I mean, look at how he's reacting to what you say.
'Cause you're fuckin' lyin' through your teeth! Pablo, take Kelly, get me boiling water, chicken, and my 10 inch Ginsu.
'Kay, the one with the carving blade, not the bread knife.
The fuck are you gonna do with that? - Okay.
- Hey, repita a mí, - Not the bread knife.
- Okay, good.
The bread knife was expensive.
I don't wanna ruin it.
Oye, Tío.
Ese mi amigo.
What are you gonna do to Ash, huh? I'm gonna try to exorcise this monster before it's too late.
- With a knife? - If it comes to that, yes.
With a fuckin' knife? I'm sorry, I just wanna be 100% here.
You're gonna cut Ash with a knife? What kind of fuckin' witch doctor are you, man? Possessions can be physical, as well as spiritual.
- I know somethin', Kelly.
- For example, there's a lobe in the brain where such demons can be festering.
The lobe can be removed.
All he's gonna lose is just his sense of smell, and any feeling of pleasure from the waist down.
What? You're cuttin' my balls off?! Oh, no.
Okay, what happens if you can't get the demon out that way, huh? Then I will do what I must.
Okay? Esto es lo que te estaba enseñando toda tu vida.
Your soul will be mine.
I'm sorry, Ash.
Her eyes just turned black! Do you hear me?! She's a fuckin' demon! I'm not a little kid, yeah.
It's like, "Oh yeah, go get the boiling water", "and the chicken carcass," "and the Ginsu knife.
" Man, he took every single one of those items without even lookin' at me, once.
- Pablo - I mean this is shitty.
It's like I feel like I'm the sous-chef of his exorcism kitchen.
Oh, man.
Exorcisms are the worst.
This is bad.
My Uncle Esteban had an exorcism once, and that shit was straight up scary.
- Pablo! - Whoa! You need to calm down.
How? Can-can you tell me? How can we be calm when Ash is clearly? Ash is the one who wanted to summon the demon in the first place, right? Yeah.
You trust the Brujo, don't you? - Yeah - Then you need to let him do what he does best, and what we need to do is just stay calm.
We need a drink.
Alcohol? Right now? You want alcohol right now? Oh, why not? Nothing we can do until the Brujo is finished with Ash.
Well, what do you mean "finished?" You know healed.
Any idea where he keeps his stuff? Man girdle, okay.
Extra large love glove.
Weed! Ash was holdin' out on us, huh? It is not bad.
Yeah, I don't know that um, getting high is the best plan for right now It is absolutely the best plan.
Go find us a pipe.
ÿPor favor? This is some bullshit.
Just relax.
It's gonna take a minute.
There's a killer on the loose, and I'm sittin' here waitin' for this decomposed hand to lead me to him, and by the way, I'm not in the mood to relax.
Okay, how's the possession work anyway, and how does Ash create those things? I used to be like you.
What is that supposed to mean? I used to think everything had to be orderly.
Logical, life should make sense the way I thought it should make sense.
So you don't believe that things should make sense? Amanda you know how respiration works? Air travels down into your lungs, and oxygen and CO2 are exchanged.
I passed sixth grade science.
But when you were a baby, did you understand? Of course not.
Of course not, 'cause you were not concerned about the logic of things.
You just kept on breathing, and that's what I want you to do.
Just, just keep on breathing, okay? Hello.
Oh, uh, what are you doing? I got sick of waiting.
Oh, don't worry, my cousin used to get high this way with his soldier buddies in Iraq.
Ah, well, it-it seems like it's dangerous.
It's not loaded but I am.
Did you change? Join me.
Okay, full disclosure, weed makes me really paranoid.
So, why don't I just grab a, um, Mountain Dew? I'll pound that, and it'll just give me a really nice buzz and Come on, just one hit.
I'll make it worth your while.
Come on.
Damn, oh, yeah, ah yeah, oh-okay, that sounds good.
So I- I think I know what's happening here, and um, I um I've been, I've been, I've been wanting to get closer to you, for a really long time now, so How close? Like really close.
Like you know, more than friends? Is that something that you want? Yes.
Tell me, Eligos, how do you feel about sanctified charms? They usually inspire more rage than that.
To the blood ritual, then.
I just-I just wanna make sure that we're on the same page, you know? Like I'm just, I'm just checkin' in, you know? Makin' sure that you're heard and-and You wanna be with me, right? Like boyfriend, girlfriend? Same milkshake, different straws.
Maybe share a pussy, cat? Yes.
I wanna be with you.
'Cause you know, I can see what's inside of you, Kelly, and I want you to know that I think it's beautiful.
- What's inside of me, - Mm-hm? Cannot wait, to tear you up.
Now stop wasting time.
Oh, do you remember the first time we met? You knocked on my door, and you asked me, uh, for some cold medicine, 'cause you were all s-snotty? And then you sneezed on me.
I wanted to kiss you that day, so bad.
Oh, you.
You are just so sweet.
Now take a hit.
And then, after you do, - Mm-hm? - You can kiss me anywhere you want.
What about right there? Boop.
You wanna kiss my forehead? Well, most guys would look past it.
Just take a hit.
Okay Oh, hey, how about we um, you know, set the mood a little bit? I know this really great Taylor Swift song called Shh! No, no.
Now, put your mouth on it.
Oh, God.
Actually you know I guess I'm just not sure if I'm ready.
- Just suck it, you bitch! - Oh, shit! ¡Espíritu mistico! - I said - Oh, for God's sake! I'm not a demon.
Kelly is, and she's with Pablo right now! Oh, sweet mother of Manson! Pablo, that's not Kelly.
Pablo? I can't.
Oh, God damn it, I just taped her up! Vete de aquí Out, Demon! I command you! Why ya hidin' in there, tough guy? Why don't you come out, fight me like a man? Vete de aquí.
¡Vamos Eligos, abra la boca! Aceptad.
¡Abre, abre! ¡Abre! Oh, shit! When you get back to hell, work on your aim.
Vete de aquí, todo.
The sanctified water, will do it.
Ha, your charms won't save you! Espíritu Santo.
Espíritu Bendita agua.
Out! Well, we've all been there.
Do it again! All of it.
Kelly, it's me.
Or do you wanna do it this time? You wanna hear me moan, don't you? The girl has suffered enough.
Stop! Stop! Kel? - Yes.
- You gotta fight it! Stop, I know you're in there! Look at me.
You can do it, Kelly.
It's me.
You can do it, Kel, please! Please fight it, Kel.
There is no Kelly anymore! Sorry! You're lying! Kelly, I know you're in there! - Pablo, vamos.
- Please! Fear only makes the demon stronger.
Yeah, ya think? This one's for you! Pablo, the girl.
This is all my fault.
I should've never let them summon that demon.
This is what I get for walkin' away from my calling.
I'm sorry, Tío.
I'm-I'm sorry about everything, please.
I know you're sorry, and I am sorry too for pushing you away, but perhaps you were meant to leave.
Ash has the light of a Jefe inside of him, deep, deep inside, so deep, and somehow, you still found him.
This demon is never coming out.
There's only one way to put an end to all this Ash, and you know it.
What are you talkin' about? You have to kill me.
The demon's gonna do it anyway.
Hey, hey, it's okay.
Just put a cross on my grave, okay? Kelly's Jewish.
Fuck you! Aww, can't blame a demon for trying! The demon is taunting us by slowly, and painfully killing the host.
The only choice we have is whether to finish her quickly, or let the demon tear her apart right in front of our eyes! Or we give the demon another host.
What? The demon wants someone who's vulnerable, and isn't gonna fight back.
Pablo, stop.
She's gone too far.
I could lose you again.
We've done everything we can.
Hi sweetie.
Take me instead.
Take me! I'm a willing host, and you'll get no fight from inside of me! Pablo, it's no use.
I take her place! I command you now! Oh, shit! It's gonna take a lot more than that to get me to stop, dickhead.
Pablo! Oh, good God! Don't get too close to her! Pablo, get out of there! It's that same son of a bitch! Hey.
- We gotta do something! - No, no, no, Pablo, don't, don't, don't! You saw what it could do! Kelly! - Oh! - I got him now.
Shit! Tío, watch out! No! You shoot first and think later or don't think at all.
Yeah, shoot first, think never! Shoot first, think never.
Shoot first, think never.
Oh, where the fuck am I? What happened? Goodbye, Tío.
You always tried to tell me, how the world really is.
I should've listened sooner.
Qué descanse en paz, El Brujo.
I'm sorry.
I wish that you could come with us, and help us fight this thing.
Depende de ti.
Estoy contigo.
Confía en ti.
Ah, fuck! Shit.
I mean thank you.
I won't let you down, Brujo.
So, are you okay to travel? That was some pretty gnarly stuff back there.
I think I'm good.
I mean, I don't remember much though.
I have an image of us arriving, and then, nausea, and then I don't know.
My mind goes totally blank after that.
It's probably a good thing.
Why? What happened? What did I do? It was nothin', you spit out a couple of teeth.
I think they were wisdom teeth, so they were comin' out anyway.
I got a spare set of dentures there if you need 'em.
I'll survive.
Thanks though.
You guys.
I think El Brujo was tryin' to give me a sign from, wherever he is, or just tryin' to burn the hell out me, 'cause this thing is still really hot.
Hey buddy, I'm really sorry about your uncle.
I'm sorry to both of you.
I feel like this is all my fault, and I have no idea how to stop it, and it doesn't feel very good.
Oh, come on Ash.
You? You're not responsible.
Oh, he definitely is though.
Like, like 100%.
You know what? Probably more.
I like you better when you were possessed.
Yeah, me too.
Wow, I must have been a pretty good time.
Kind of were.
Hey, Ash, I made a little somethin' for ya.
What? Well, it's not rosewood, but maybe it'll help, you know? Two hands on the wheel, right? It's a work in progress, but check it out.
You can make a fist with it.
Oh, yeah, baby.
Thanks, guys.
I'm gonna shove this right up some Deadite's ass.