Ballers (2015) Episode Scripts

N/A - Laying in the Weeds

1 Kane is in the building, nigga (MUSIC PLAYING) Now tell me how you love it, you know you at the top When only heaven's right above it, we on 'Cause we on Who else is really trying to fuck with Hollywood Cole? I'm with Marley G, bro Flying Hollygrove chicks to my Hollywood shows And I wanna tell you something that you probably should know This that "Slumdog Millionaire" Bollywood flow And, uh My real friends never hearing from me Fake friends write the wrong answers on the mirror for me That's why I pick and choose, I don't get shit confused Don't like my women single, I like my chicks in twos And these days all the girls is down to roll I hit the strip club and all them bitches find the pole Plus, I been sippin', so this shit is movin' kinda slow Just tell my girl to tell her friend that it's time to go.
You got some heavy coats in here.
Winters are brutal in Bristol.
Ha, well, small price to pay for a job at ESPN.
Oh, wait till you see the house I got.
It's like a mansion at half the price.
You gotta send me some pics.
- You're gonna come visit.
- Absolutely, I will.
As soon as I get those job scenarios squared away.
- Oh, what, the Suh thing? - (GROANS) Suh's the least of my worries.
Anderson clipped me last night.
You got fired? I didn't tell you? No, you definitely didn't.
Ah, sorry, Trace, I was really fucked up last night.
- (SIGHS) - Well, wait.
Anderson built that division on your shoulders.
Yep, ungrateful fuck.
Oh, what a dick.
You know, maybe you should just do something else.
The producers at ESPN loved your bit with Jay Glazer.
You've got a camera-friendly face and a feel for the game.
You suggesting a career change, Trace? No, I'm saying you can do anything you want.
Well, what I want to do is keep doing what I'm doing.
As strange as it may seem (GROANS) - it's still my goal.
- Thank you.
Okay, and what's your goal for us? Well, we haven't exactly been locked in at close range lately.
I know, this job has consumed me, but you're really busy, too.
No, it's not that.
I couldn't be happier for you, Trace.
So now what? Not sure.
Well, guess we kind of talked our way out of good-bye sex.
Which is okay because I dislocated my shoulder carrying that heavy-ass bag of yours.
You know they make them with wheels now? Just kind of just roll them along, and (MUSIC PLAYING) - I have to go.
- All right, go.
So you can write all the things that You know I can believe in you I'm sorry, but I can't do it I'm not the one that you should depend on I'm sorry for all the shit that I've done.
Happy to see you out in the world this bright and early, Strasmore.
Did you expect me to be in bed with the covers pulled over my head? Shit, Anderson gave you every excuse, man.
You know, I did plow through a bottle of tequila last night and passed out on Tracy's couch.
That's my special guy.
Hey, Anderson better not have torched my shit in the parking lot, man.
All right, I want my fucking Gruden game ball back.
- Ah, my man.
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
I'll keep it business as usual at the office, but I can't help feeling like everything we've built is going down the drain.
I'll tell the clients you got jury duty or something.
- Penile implant malpractice case.
- (CHUCKLES) - Makes sense.
- Yours.
- Of course.
- Yours, though.
- It's broken.
- That's the hitch.
You know, most of those guys will be at my draft party, anyway.
Wait, you're still having that? (SIGHS) Yeah, if I canceled it, it'll raise red flags.
I keep up with appearances and move forward.
(LAUGHING) "Move forward.
" Move forward where? You got no money, no job, no registration.
You're all hopped up on goofballs.
Hey, I'm not hopped up on goofballs, all right? - Oh, okay.
- Hey, remember, number 92 always played his best game after his worst game.
You'd be surprised what happens when you put that chip on his shoulder to good use.
(EXHALES) So, when do we tell the clients, huh? We tell the clients when I figure out my exit strategy.
You know you're supposed to have one of those before you exit, right? - Thanks, Joe.
- Okay, just checking.
(MUFFLED CLAPPING) Wow, perfect 10s across the board.
Unbelievable form.
- Yeah, you saw that shit, right? - I did.
- Dope.
- (GROANING) Oh, shit.
- Here you go.
- You lookin' like it's OT.
- You straight? - Yeah, man.
That fight with Sizz really fucked my hip up.
That was over a month ago, man.
You doing something about it? Yeah.
Mainly pills.
(CHUCKLING) A lot of fucking pills.
Doctor says I gotta get it replaced.
I'm sorry to hear that, bro.
Yeah, I know, man, but it's all good.
Hey, listen, I didn't come over for a medical consultation, Rick.
I came over to tell you that, um I left ASM and I'm branching out on my own.
Oh, congratulations, man.
I'm with you all the way, baby.
Yeah, you know I appreciate that.
The thing is I, uh I need a loan to do it.
You came here to ask for money.
- It's fucked up, isn't it? - Yeah, it's fucked up.
Did you get fired or something? Let's just say me and Anderson had a parting of ways.
The way I parted from Miami to Tampa Bay, Green Bay, and every woman that had the good fortune of waking up next to me.
Look, Rick, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't tell anybody about this for now, huh? Are you kidding me? Yeah, I'm gonna advertise the guy that handles my dough just got shit-canned.
Maybe I'll get one of them planes with the sign behind it and fly it over your draft party.
What's the tab on this parting of ways? $12 million.
For a laptop and some Wi-Fi? Well, it's a lot more involved than that, Rick.
I, uh I wanna buy ASM the clients, the infrastructure, the whole enchilada.
- I want it all.
- Ain't much of an enchilada when I'm one of your biggest clients and I ain't even got a job.
$12 million is a lot of dough, man, so I'm gonna need time to think about that.
Yeah, I get it, I get it.
I appreciate you.
- Watch this shit.
- This can't end well.
- That's a job for Arsenio Hall! - Don't do it.
Be careful, Rick.
Our, uh our manifest destiny.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
(SIGHS) (CLEARS THROAT) Listen up, please, guys.
Listen the fuck up! (SNIFFS) We can sit here and we can feel sorry for ourselves or we can use this opportunity for greatness.
Each and every one of you right now has the chance to prove that you're better than the seats you're sitting in.
I've been in that seat.
I've also been in no seat.
And now, guess what.
I'm in that seat right there.
The fucking captain's chair.
And across from me there is an empty office.
And whoever grinds the hardest, whoever makes the most money, whoever facefucks the competition, is gonna find their asses sitting right there.
- (KEYBOARD CLACKING) - Dale! I was just finishing up the IPO reports you asked for.
Stand up.
The hottest stock on the street right now is you.
(CHUCKLES) You get to decide your own future starting right now.
And if you choose to play it safe, because you think the doors are closing, then that's exactly what's gonna happen.
It sucks that Spencer's gone.
It sucks! But we have to close ranks.
Here's the good news.
We will get registered.
And we will build ASM into the juggernaut that accurately reflects our manifest fucking destiny.
ALL: Yeah! So, are y'all gonna stand behind me? Or are you gonna stand beside me? Like my buddy Dale here.
Mwah! As we build ASM into the greatest money-making machine that Miami's ever seen! - Yeah? - MAN: Yeah.
- A-fucking-men.
- Thanks, boss.
This is our gift to you, Travis.
For the draft kegger party thing, right? SPENCER: No, for the team interviews which is the very last part of this whole process.
What if those dipshits got me going? Hey, Schlereth has boosted you up to 10.
McShay and Kiper, they got you at 11.
Fuck, man, watch the trouser snake.
Don't be a pussy.
Look, guys, I'm still not single digits.
And the rules here haven't changed.
You want me at ASM, don't you? It's all I dream about, Travis.
JASON: Look, we set you up with some GMs to help them understand the real you.
And you're gonna be there the whole time? I'm fucked with the NFLPA if we get seen together, so unfortunately not.
- You're on your own.
- TRAVIS: This is stupid.
They're just gonna dredge up every dumb-ass thing I've ever done.
It's a chance to give context.
Right, like the time you got caught shoplifting in college.
Oh, that's not my fault.
The checkout line was long.
I didn't feel like waiting.
Well, they're gonna wanna know exactly what you took.
Why does that matter? Because they wanna see if you're honest.
Okay, it was a porno DVD.
I was drunk and they had a few on the rack next to the nudie mags.
Which film was it? You really think they're gonna ask me that? No.
I'm just curious.
I'm curious, too.
Yeah, me, too.
"Dripping Wet MILFS.
" (MEN LAUGHING) Shut up.
Okay, no, you two can go fuck yourselves.
- Shut up, okay? - I'm not judging.
I happen to feel that there's something sensual about older women, no matter how taboo it is.
All right, old dudes date hot, young chicks all the time.
Hey, listen, that's a total double standard and I get it, but what you just said, you should never share with anyone.
Fucking both you fuck both of you guys.
I hate you all.
I hate you.
- Are we almost done here? - Mm-mm.
I didn't know the Rams we're gonna come with that big an offer.
Shoot, it must be nice to be in such high demand.
Chuck, it's $12 mil per, 18 guaranteed.
I already told Siefert that you were accepting our offer.
I'm pretty sure that motherfucker understands the concept of money.
I'm gonna look like a fool.
I pioneered this deal for you, Ricky.
Well, he should've paid me when he had the chance.
Believe it or not, I got a better chance of winning with the Rams, anyway.
- You can win here, too.
- Hey, bro, are you kidding me? You was the main one bitching all last year about the organization.
I was wrong.
Now that they gave you a job.
I earned that job, you hear me? - Selling cars.
- What that got to do with anything? Coming back, left tackle, right tackle, front office.
I can't keep up with the fuck you doing, man.
What? Look, I know what's important to me.
Obviously, you do not.
Hey, man, my family's important to me.
And my friends.
Then football.
Money don't even crack my list.
Which explains your wack-ass offer.
Jordana, could you cancel my order, please? - Sure.
- I ain't hungry no more.
You received 15 unnecessary roughness penalties in your last 24 games.
What can I say? I like to hit people.
Mental error is all the difference between wins and losses at the next level.
You have the skills to be the leading tackle in the NFL, but it requires discipline.
100% focus.
I'm 1,000% focused, sir.
But those girls over there are definitely checking us out.
Good peripheral vision.
You have no idea.
Okay, Spencer.
- Sorry for the hold up.
- Hey, no problem.
You've been banking with us for quite a long time.
Ever since that first $150 my freshmen year at the U.
(LAUGHING) Oh, wow.
I mean, I'm hoping that counts for something.
Well, I mean, you're perfectly qualified for a loan.
But I have to say, this amount is way beyond your means.
Look, every client on that application will run through a wall for me, okay? And they know that I'd do the same for them.
My business is golden, Jeff.
I wish it were just up to me, but we have checks and balances.
You know, your financial history is Is history.
I mean, you just said it, history is history.
Hey, I'm not that guy anymore, okay? I got a lot of plans, I got goals to meet.
I'll lay every asset that I have on the line.
If there's any way you can help me, you know I'm good for it.
Let's take another look at it.
Let me ask you a question, son.
Are you a dick? (LAUGHS) If I say no, makes me a liar, and if I say yes, you're not gonna draft me, so I'll go with sometimes.
People say you're a loose cannon.
They say only a fool would draft you, no matter how hard you hit.
With all due respect, sir, I can learn to behave in any way that suits my employers, but nobody can teach what I do on the field.
What if everyone in the locker room thinks you're an asshole? Name one player in any locker room that has ever said that I'm an asshole.
Scouts talk about it.
Scouts, sir, not players.
Look, my teammates are like family.
Ain't one of them ever said a bad word about me, I guarantee it.
Yeah, I may be an occasional dick, but I ain't no asshole.
We're clear on that.
Take this job and shove it I ain't working here no more Woman done left Took all the reasons I was working for (PHONE CHIMES) You better not try to stand in my way As I'm a-walking out the door Take this job and shove it I ain't working here.
Spice, you're early.
Yeah, you know I had to get a jump on that Miami traffic.
Well, just make yourself at home.
- How was jury duty? - It was interesting.
(EXHALES) I never knew they had an operation to make your Wang bigger.
(LAUGHING) Yeah, that's the wonders of modern medicine, man.
Hey, look, I'm gonna pop into the office on Monday, go over some of my stocks.
Feeling that urge to diversify a little bit more.
Okay, you know what? It'll be better if I pick you up.
So I'll do that and I'll take you to lunch.
Even better.
- Sushi? - You got it.
Thank you.
Appreciate it, man.
I'll put it back and fix this Got Joe's famous potato salad.
It's finally here, relax! - The party can start.
- Joe.
What up, though? - Spice.
What's up, buddy? - Nothing, man.
Save some of those ribs for me, huh? I ain't gonna make you no promises.
- Hey.
- Look at that.
Look, I got your backup cell.
- Appreciate that.
- That's the third one this month, man.
Maybe you should think of a more cost-effective way to vent.
Like, um how about interpretive dance? Ah, that's a great idea.
I'll head over to Andre's office and dance right on his fucking face.
- (LAUGHS) No.
- Fuck him.
No, no, no, okay.
Break the cell phones.
- Jesus.
- TRAVIS: Spence.
- Hey.
- Hey, what the fuck, man? Why am I still projected so low? Hello, Travis, it's good to see you, too.
- You look great.
- No, man, okay? I have done everything you've asked me to do, and it ain't done shit for me, man.
Look, I just I'm stressed.
Okay, calm down, breathe, good.
Travis, this is Joe.
Joe, this is Travis and he's stressed.
Yeah, no, I can definitely see that he's stressed.
Right? It's a big day.
Here's what I do when I'm stressed.
Me, too.
We're working hard.
Jason is pounding the phones.
I promise you, tonight's gonna be our night.
Jay Glazer told me the Cleveland Clowns might trade their pick.
Lord knows you don't want to end up in that factory of sadness.
Despite what he said, that's a good thing.
I'll get on the phone with Glaze.
I like you, Joe.
Aw! Let's shotgun some beers later.
Shotgun some beers right now.
- Shotgun beer right fucking now.
- Attaboy.
- Yes! - JOE: Why wait till later? - Yeah.
- Who's the man? - (PHONE CHIMES) - (LAUGHS) Jay, how is Chicago? I'm looking at a billion dollars' worth of talent and everyone's just waiting for that phone to ring.
Yeah, sounds like you're keeping it together.
Yeah, well, half a Xanax and a gin gimlet will do it.
Listen, if Philly takes Carson Wentz, the Cowboys could change directions and take a DT, which might not bode well for Vernon.
I just spoke with Mel and he said that they are seriously considering Dexter Baines from A&M.
Any less depressing news? Jacksonville and Baltimore have taken a shine to Travis at five and six.
Now, I don't necessarily trust it, but the kid's got a shot.
How's he doing? - Nerves of steel.
- Good to hear.
Your life is about to change.
- Trust me.
- Yeah.
All right, boss.
Good to see you, son.
Hey, thanks for setting up that meeting with Travis.
- He's not half bad.
- The kid's charming, right? I told my guys if he's still around in the second, snatch him up.
Who are you leaning towards in the first? I'm always leaning towards you, son.
Come on.
(CHUCKLES) See you.
(LAUGHING) That's right.
It was a relief, man.
Just you know, I looked at my mom.
- She was smiling, you know? - Who cried first? - My mom cried.
- Your mom cried first? - How about you? - I cried first.
(ALL LAUGHING) Nah, man, they can't stop the run.
- MAN: I hear you.
- When you look at it from up top, it's a whole different game.
I've been telling her about it.
- It is - Hey, Ricky, honey.
How are you? Can't complain, Mama Greane.
- Chuck.
- Rick.
Aw, fellas.
This brings back old memories.
If Tampa wouldn't have picked both of you, you wouldn't be such good friends now.
Yeah, that's true.
What, you not in the war room with the brain trust? Oh, no, Siefert kicked my ass out once you put that dagger in my back.
Food smells good.
SPENCER: Yo, Rick! Oh, hey, Rick, you might wanna go.
Your financial manager's calling.
Hey, maybe Green Bay came through with $100 million per season for life.
Y'all enjoy yourselves.
JULIE: Bye, Ricky.
You're being an ass, Mr.
Ricky's just doing what's best for him.
Was there ever a time when he didn't? Hmm, let's see.
There was that time he went after James Harrison for stepping on your hand.
Oh, right, and then there was that time that he threatened to quit the team when they were talking about trading you.
This is different.
Yeah, because it's something that you want.
Ricky's just being who he's always been.
The Rams are pressing Jason.
They need an answer.
Yeah, but now that the Rams are in Los Angeles, it's gonna be tough.
That's a tough town for me to walk the path and with that temptation.
Yes, I understand that, but this is the largest receiver contract in free agency.
Rick, it's everything you want.
I know, man, but Chuck, he already went out on a limb to swing this other offer for me.
Hey, with all due respect to Miami, I mean, that offer is soft, man.
- And Miami's future is bleak.
- Says who? What - Rick.
- LaMarr.
What's going on? Hello.
You guys make yourself at home.
I'll talk to you in a second.
I see you, homeboy.
(CHUCKLES) All right, we'll talk Rams later.
Your crowdfunding getting any traction? Yeah, I added a new feature.
The first 20 donors get free t-shirts.
Spence, let me ask you something.
How do you expect to handle my cash when you can't even enter the building? For the time being, Joe's gonna handle your day-to-day.
Okay? Hey, he's in on this buy out, too.
What's he throwing in? (SIGHS) Honestly, he doesn't have a pot to piss in, either.
If y'all two ain't the most broke-ass financial managers I've ever met.
Hey, if you don't want to throw in, I totally understand.
All right.
I'm good for $5 mil.
Five? I'm gonna need all them motherfucking t-shirts.
You can have all the t-shirts and sweat suits and everything.
- I want it all.
- Thank you for the trust, Rick.
I appreciate it.
All right, go have fun, go have fun.
I'm all the way up Patrick, I'm still bigger than you, right? What's up? (LAUGHS) MARK: While some believe Mack is the most physically gifted linebacker, this is not the draft class you want to have off-the-field issues, because it's loaded with edge rushers, like Ohio State's Joey Bosa.
If Mack drops below eight, the free fall could go all the way into the 20s, maybe even into the second round.
So, with L.
on the clock, let's talk about which quarterback Don't trip.
You'll still get money in the 20s, man.
You want some of this potato salad, dawg? Not now, Spice.
- Hey.
Ricky offered to lend me $5 million.
- Nice! - Yeah.
I mean, I figured between this house and some other assets, the bank could get us up to about seven.
I could get us up to 7.
2, 7.
3 if I called my mom, so probably more like 7.
Hey, if we can just get within striking range, then Anderson might be able to lower the price.
I mean, why sell to Andre the Giant when he can sell to two unregistered party boys, huh? That's just simple math.
(MUSIC PLAYING) What's up? What up? Look, I think you should accept the Rams' offer.
You're just gonna pivot on me just like that? Yeah, you already got your pops making things tough on you.
No use in me making it worse.
Me and Dennis worked that out, thanks to you.
Sage advice as always, Chuck.
I gonna miss you, brother.
Had a good year last year.
I was hoping for a few more.
I still haven't given them an answer.
Why? What's the hold up? I finally got what I've been missing my entire fucking life, and I'm gonna just flee the scene? Well, you and Dennis are still keeping in touch.
You know me, Chuck.
Every off-season relationship I've ever had comes to a complete dead stop when it's time to ball.
Make him feel like he's a part of your decision.
You'll see how much good can come from one simple conversation.
I don't know what I'd do without you, man.
You're probably gonna develop a brain tumor from all the phone sessions we'll have to pull.
Better get an earpiece.
Tell you what.
I do accept the offer, I'll pick up the tab on lunch, dinner, breakfast, hell, I'll even throw in snacks.
- The rest of your life.
- Okay.
- Bet.
- Bet.
Hey, you're gonna need every dime of that $36 million.
- Come on, Black Swan.
- (LAUGHS) (MUSIC PLAYING) - (PHONE RINGING) - People - (CHEERING) - We need to come together now (PHONE RINGING) There's confusion all over the world - Just look around - (CHEERING) Just keep on busting through Thank you, bro.
Two picks left, Spence.
(TV PLAYING) You know, I'm starting to think I'm gonna miss you when I'm gone.
- (PHONE RINGING) - (CHEERING) - MAN: Is this Dexter Baines? - Yes, sir.
- Welcome to the Cowboys.
- Thank you, sir.
- You got it.
- (CHEERING) (TV CONTINUES) Hang tight, buddy.
MARK: Dallas is on the clock at number four with a defense that needs to improve before the window closes on the Tony Romo era.
- Guys, good to see you.
- Hi! - Mwah.
How you doing? - What's up, dude? We're gonna have some fun tonight, okay? All right.
All right, good to see you.
I need to talk to you for a second, man.
- Can it wait? - It cannot, no.
- Right now, come on.
- MARK: These are the guys to define your team for years to come.
This ain't right, Spence.
Man, they ain't called me.
- Vernon, I understand, - Dallas ain't called That doesn't mean you're being replaced, okay? There's no guarantee that Baines will even pan out.
I've been busting my ass in rehab for what, Spence? To get back to doing what you do, which is playing football, okay? I know it's far away right now, but you're gonna get there.
REGGIE: Motherfucking Dallas, fuck you! MARK: And I'll tell you what, you come off the board at the beginning of day one, and your life is changed forever.
There are some very blessed men in the building here tonight, and you can feel it.
Baltimore is on the clock at number six.
Solid, no-nonsense front office over there has kept the Ravens in the hunt year after year.
They play it hard-nosed.
Hey, Sizz? You down here? Sizz, not on my whites.
That shit's clean.
Shit ain't clean no more, man.
(WOMAN MOANS) Sizz, I need you for a second.
Now? We're kind of in the middle of something.
It'll only take a minute.
I need you to make a phone call for me, Sizz.
- Right now.
- Fuck.
The raw emotion when you picked up that phone call take me through that.
I mean, it was a feeling of excitement.
I feel like I've achieved something bigger than what I ever thought I could achieve.
I worked my butt off to get to this moment, and to hear those Well, you've really screwed me over, here, didn't you, Spence? What are you talking about? You promised me I'd go top five, right? Don't start blaming everybody else, okay? No, I'm not blaming everyone else, I'm blaming you.
If we would've done this shit my way from the beginning Your way? - You realize the fucking hole - (PHONE BUZZING) that you dug for us in the beginning of answer your phone.
(BUZZING CONTINUES) I can't even move my hands right now.
Hello? - MAN: Is this Travis Mack? - Yes, it is.
This is Ozzie Newsome, Baltimore Ravens GM.
Terrell Suggs had some very nice things to say about you.
We're taking you at six, son.
- Welcome to the Ravens.
- (ALL CHEERING) Are you kidding me? Oh! I'm sorry you didn't go number five.
I was starting to think I wasn't going first round, man.
- You are a miracle worker.
- JOE: Man! - Get in here.
We did it! - Wow.
Yeah! - We just touched dicks.
I'm pretty sure.
- Yes, we did.
- I don't care.
- Come on, baby.
- Hey, we did it.
- You sexy man.
You are a sexy man.
- Oh, thank you, thank you.
- SPENCER: Come on.
- Thank you.
- Vern! Come on.
Come on.
Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen.
- To the man of the hour - (ALL CHEERING) who just went number six in the NFL draft.
Terrell Suggs, thank you.
Travis Mack, new Baltimore Raven's in the house.
- (CHEERING) - (BOTTLES POPPING) Hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo.
Hey, yo, here's to Spencer for striking out on his own.
Fuck Anderson for firing you, bro.
For real, infrastructure's for pussies, anyway.
(ALL MURMURING) I told you we should've told him earlier.
What'd I say? Tell em', tell em', tell em' tenkkeys in the truck Tell em', tell em' ten felonies, run em' up Tell em' I don't give a fuck about a runner-up That's why we 'bout to run on up Like we just all been thunderstruck We been a problem built a whole lab Talking at their dinner probably 'Bout our whole gang and we run on anybody Bring our own bag, we were born to gurn And not return but first the world will starve and burn When I hit up the clinic they say I'm clinically finished I say I'm just getting started, they say I must be retarded They said I can't live a minute, shit, I've been living for hours I've been a menace, a cop-killing villain Never diminished the power It's Eiffel towers and castles Battles and showers of acid tablets Devour you plastic rappers Empower the masked masses, the King Kong Gorilla, the gold spitter Dealing the killa' of coke To all the dope dealers like Tell em', tell em', tell em' tenkkeys in the truck Tell em', tell em' ten felonies, run em' up Tell em' I don't give a fuck about a runner-up That's why we 'bout to run on up Like we just all been thunderstruck We been a problem, built a whole lab Talking at their dinner probably 'Bout our whole gang and we run on anybody Bring our own bag, we were born to gurn And not return but first the world will starve and burn Half of my brothers on the lockdown And a quarter 'bout to open up some shop now Other quarter that I got'll hold