Batman (1966) s03e22 Episode Script
The Great Train Robbery (2)
NARRATOR".
Gotham City Central Park where the Dynamic Duo interrogate Frontier Fanny in Shame's stable hideout.
Catching me ain't going to do you no good, Dynamic Dingbats.
My Shame's got your Batgirl, and he ain't gonna let her go.
Not till he's finished committing the crime of the century.
- Which is? -Which is none of your business.
You reckon she's all right, Batgirl, in the trunk of the car? I don't suppose she'll be going anywhere, Shame.
- Yeah.
Hi.
- How do you do? - That's a good-looking six shooter you got.
-Uh, would you like to look at it? I'd be mighty grateful, if you wouldn't mind.
It's a beautiful piece of machinery.
Yeah, that's a beautiful piece of machinery.
How much is that? Oh, it's 69.
95.
Well, now, 69.
95, that's too much.
Do it shoot straight? Up to 300 yards.
All right, in that case, stick them up.
You know, I had a funny feeling you were gonna say that.
Gang, hang him up on the wall for safekeeping.
Come on.
Get all that stuff ready for the great train robbery.
Come on, come on.
Let's hustle it up here.
Come on, let's go.
Come on.
Will you put me down? I'll give you all nice presents.
Will you stop it? What are you doing? Ooh, ooh! Shame, honey, you seen my ma? Yeah, I seen too much of her lately.
I think we must've left her at the stable with the horses.
Well, don't worry, nobody will notice.
We gotta go back and get her.
No can do, lover.
By now, she's probably a prisoner of the police.
Might as well give her up for gone.
Honey, she's my mother, the only one I got.
Yeah, I know.
Oh, don't be like that.
I know she's a battle-ax and an old owl, but she is my flesh and blood.
Yeah, I was wondering about that heredity.
What'd your father look like? - Oh, he was prettier than my ma.
-Nobody could be uglier.
Well, can't we try and rescue her? You want me to bust into police headquarters? That's like putting my own head in my own noose.
Well, we could trade her for Batgirl, like a prisoner swap.
No, that ain't no swap.
If I swapped like that, I wouldn't have a pot to put my head in for a haircut.
Can't we try, honey? Please? Please? Oh, you know I can't stand to see a woman cry.
All right.
I wonder if Batgirl is still alive.
Who knows what that demented desperado will do.
- Maybe he's just holding her hostage.
-No, I don't think so.
I think he has something else in mind, something infinitely more heinous.
Otherwise, he would have called us by now.
Don't you agree, commissioner? Huh? Oh.
I beg your pardon, Batman.
My mind was elsewhere.
My daughter, Barbara, has been missing since yesterday.
And while the welfare of Gotham City is important worries of my daughter's welfare keep invading my thoughts.
Now, what? Please, what was it you were saying? How.
It's Chief Standing Pat.
He's one of Shame's henchmen.
I-- No, Chief O'Hara.
He's obviously here for a reason.
Hmm.
Let's hear what he has to say.
Man with blue-and-white face speak with straight tongue.
I come talk peace treaty with you.
What are your terms? Shame willing to trade Batgirl for Frontier Fanny, even up.
What's the catch? Shame usually has three or four aces and a derringer up his scheming sleeve.
You no try catch us, we let Batgirl go with full scalp safe.
- No deal.
-That's fine by me.
Her scalp look good on my belt.
Just a minute, chief.
Commissioner, I know how you feel about criminals, and I echo those sentiments.
But Batgirl has been very valuable to all of Gotham City through her pluck and her heroism.
I don't think we can afford to lose her now.
And the alternative to this deal is death.
Very well, Dynamic Duo, I leave the decision in your gloves.
You tell Shame we'll agree to any of his terms as long as Batgirl is safe.
Then you bring Fat Squaw to Central American pavilion at Gotham City World's Fair.
It closed now.
No one bother us.
We meet when little hand is on 11 and big hand is on 12.
Chief Standing Pat has spoken.
NARRATOR".
Meanwhile, back at the ammunition store Shame and his aides are celebrating their coup.
Well, aides, that was quite a coup.
What's the news, Standing? Batman agree to terms, but he no longer under spell of Fear Gas.
Him heap, heap, brave, brave now.
Yeah, we'll see how heap, heap, brave, brave he is.
We're gonna dry-gulch them varmints in the Central American pavilion and after we get them out of our sombrero, we're gonna conduct what I like to refer to as - the great train robbery.
- Great train robbery.
And after that, we're gonna head west.
I arranged powwow for when little hand is on 11 and big hand is on 12.
- Let's see, that'd be, uh That'd be, uh -Eleven o'clock, Shame, honey.
Eleven o'clock, Shame, honey.
Dad-blame it, I know it.
Now, now I got a plan.
Now, I got a plan.
Now, here's my plan.
We're gonna go to the Central To the Central, uh - American Pavilion.
-American Pavilion.
And after we get there, we're gonna get there - We're gonna get there -Early.
Early.
And then after that, we're gonna-- We're gonna Bushwhack them.
Bushwhack them.
That Batgirl still tied up? She's in the trunk of the automobile.
Good.
All right, let's go.
Come on, let's go.
Tallyho.
Are you sure he's Mexican? NARRATOR".
But even as Batman and Robin race along the highway Shame is arriving at the Central American pavilion with deadly punctuality.
All right, gang- We'll hide right here till them Caped Clods come moseying in.
But no shooting till Mama's safe.
Yeah, no shooting till Mama's safe.
- Stop it! - Hey.
Hold your tongue.
I think I smell a bat.
Stop it, stop it! Yeah, I smell a bat.
Skedaddle.
Skedaddle.
You let me go! You finally got wise to it, you couldn't hold me.
Not while my prospective son-in-law still has an ounce of strength in his crooked body.
All right, keep your feet planted, Batboys before I put a picture window in your skull.
You wouldn't shoot us in cold blood? Cold blood, hot blood, warm blood, makes no never mind to me.
- Just pass over our Frontier Fanny.
-Where's Batgirl? Don't make a deal, Batman.
They'll gun you down.
Get away from our Fanny.
He'll let us have it if we do.
Still, we can't hide behind a woman.
I have in my utility belt a Bat-chemical which changes the physical property of metal and makes it 20 times heavier.
Let's see how effective it is.
Watch it, Shame.
He's up to a trick.
Doggone it.
Doggone it, Batman.
You cheated.
You know we ain't no good in a fair fight.
That's what I was counting on, Shame.
Get away from me.
Okay, come on.
Let's get while the getting's good.
- Come on.
-They ain't gonna deduct our plan, anyway.
We're two hoots and a holler ahead of them.
Come on.
Of all the rotten luck.
Take heart, Batgirl.
All is not lost.
We'll catch Shame before this day is through.
And truth and justice will win out.
Are you sure the phone isn't out of order, operator? Very well, thank you.
- Still no word? -None.
And it isn't like Barbara to go off like this.
I've had no word from her in two days.
- I'm certain she's all right, commissioner.
-How can you be? Just, uh Call it a woman's intuition.
Batgirl.
Exactly what did Shame talk about while you were in his custody? It's a bit difficult to recall.
I was still under the influence of Fear Gas for quite a while but I do remember his saying something about the great train robbery.
Hmm Mm-hmm.
So we don't know which train he means.
But there is one train that runs under Gotham City every night to pick up the cash from the subway stations.
But it's mostly coins and the money is so bulky, it would be very hard for them to travel fast.
Ergo, rule that one out.
There's a mail train that comes into Gotham City once a day carrying a great many negotiable checks and bonds.
You weren't around when we first encountered Shame, Batgirl.
No, a mail train is not his modus operandi.
I think we all need some refreshment.
What would you be saying to some soft drinks to cool off your brows? On me, of course.
Splendid idea, Chief O'Hara.
I better be turning this one into the bank.
Heh.
It looks like it's been in circulation since the turn of the century.
Chief O'Hara, that's the answer.
- It is? -Today's the day when the government ships all the old money out of town by train to be burned.
Old money that's tattered and torn is collected by banks and turned over to the treasury for destruction.
That must be what Shame's been after.
- We'd better get moving.
-And fast.
NARRATOR".
But are you in time, Batman? Because, even now, evil events are being put into motion.
This is my first run on the money train.
I get kind of nervous with all this cash around.
Not a thing to worry about.
I make the same trip every month at the same time.
Never even came close to a robbery.
It's practically impossible.
This train doesn't stop for anything.
You know, they'd have to sever the rails with an acetylene torch to even slow it down.
What if someone did stop the train? What then? No problem.
This car is made out of 3-inch armor plate.
It's impregnable.
Nothing can crack it.
With the possible exception of a 283-karat diamond drill.
That Fear Gas works every time.
Please.
Please don't hurt us, mister.
I'm a family man.
I got a wife and kid.
I'm a bachelor, but-- But-- But I wanna live anyway.
Good.
Oh, good.
Good.
All right, let's round up this dinero, partners.
We got a lot of gravel to scratch before the sun winks down.
We're too late.
Please, don't beat us up, Batman.
It wasn't our fault.
There, there.
Compose yourself, citizen.
We understand.
You don't have to snivel and cower.
It's that dreaded Fear Gas again.
Oh, this is terrible, Batman.
Shame's flown the coop soot-free and we haven't got any clue to his whereabouts.
Allay your trepidation, Robin.
- Do you have an idea? -it's an extremely long shot, Batgirl.
An appeal to Shame's inordinate egomania may flush him out.
Meanwhile, let's administer these bravery tablets to these yeomen in order to counteract that horrible Fear Gas.
What is this you're tinkering with? It's a skywriter drone, Alfred.
I've programmed it to write a message across the sky.
If we're lucky, Shame will see it.
It's an invitation for Shame to meet me in man-to-man combat, unarmed.
Yeah, doggies, I reckon I'm happier than a horse in a yard full of oats.
- Ha-ha-ha! -How much you figure we got, Shame? Oh, about 83 million, give or take a hundred.
After I get through weeding through this grubby stuff, we ought to still have over 60 mil.
And how is this vast fortune to be allocated? Yeah he's Mexican, all right.
Look, Fred, I got no truck for a man that talks 8 pounds to the word.
Now, you talk English like us normal folks or don't talk, Fred.
Get it? - Got it.
-Good.
- How do you plan on divvying up the spoils? -That's better.
You and the chief get 1 million each.
That ought to keep you in tacos for a while.
What about me? Don't I get something for my troubles? Yeah, you get a rich son-in-law, Fan.
Look.
Up in sky.
It's a bird.
It's a plane.
No, it's a message for me.
"Shame, you are a lily-livered coward.
Meet me on Neptune Ave in the deserted and condemned tenement district at high noon if you think you can beat me without your gang or your guns.
Just bring your two fists and I'll bring mine.
Signed, Batman.
" Why, that Caped Clown.
That's an insult.
Darned if I won't be there.
I'll be there all right.
I'll be there all right and I'll knock out so many of his teeth, he'll have to eat his steak through a straw.
Shame, honey, it's a trap.
Don't go.
You bet it's a trap.
Only this time, we're the trappers and he's the trapee.
Fred, get the police on the phone and tell them Shame is coming back.
A man's gotta do what he's gotta do.
That's why I deliberately chose that urban renewal area the one that's condemned so that no innocent bystanders would get shot up.
You may get shot up.
This town's gotta be cleaned up so that little children are safe and happy and healthy growing up.
Well, in case something happens to me, I know you'll carry on without me.
Chief O'Hara.
In case something happens.
- Commissioner.
-Good luck.
Thank you.
Batgirl.
- Batman, I-- -Don't say it, Robin.
I understand.
You wait until me and Batman is 20 feet apart then I want you to drill him, and drill him good.
And I don't want just blood, I want gore.
- Get it? -Got it.
Good.
Now you wait till you see the whites of his eyes through his slits.
Good luck, Shame, honey.
Dumpling, I don't need luck as long as I've got you.
Couldn't you just get sick? Hey, Batman, you fake.
Don't you ever smile? You look grimmer than a losing football coach.
Perhaps I should unbend a little.
Thank you for the constructive criticism, Shame.
Your mother wore Army shoes.
Yes, she did.
As I recall, she found them quite comfortable.
They're about 30 feet apart now.
Now, get ready.
I'm gonna keep on insulting you till you run out of cheeks to turn.
If you need to be vitriolic, vituperative and vindictive, Shame, you go right ahead.
Just as I thought.
We've got to stop them before they fire.
- I'll take the two women, you handle the men.
- Right.
A few feet more, Batman will have more holes in him than a Texas oil field.
Now it'll be fair.
What's wrong, Shame? Lost your nerve? How far you figure we are apart? Eighteen feet, six and a half inches.
We're less than 20 feet apart.
You hear me? We're less than 20 feet apart.
You big sissy, you couldn't drive nails in a snow bank.
Why would I want to? You ready to give up and admit I'm better than you are? What for? Because I'm gonna whup you.
You're pretty handy with your mouth, Shame.
Much more so than with your fists.
Oh, no! No, spare me, Batman.
I ain't nearly, nearly as ornery as I ought to be.
- Boo! -Oh, don't! Don't! Don't do that, Batman.
Stand up, Shame.
You're not worthy of the name Shame.
You're a sham, Shame.
Don't ever cry on my tights or pull my leg again.
On your feet, Shame.
Shame, I look at you with a mixture of emotions.
Sympathy and disgust.
You're heading for the last roundup, Shame, because of your greed and your avarice.
Otherwise, you might have realized that good, even though it's sometimes sidetracked always, repeat, always triumphs over evil.
You were magnificent, Batman.
That was some shoot-out on that deserted street.
Some shoot-out without guns, commissioner.
Shame had a gun, and the way you flicked it out of his hand was brilliant.
It reminded me of that great old movie, Low Midnight or something.
It's all in a day's crime-fighting.
Have you heard from Warden Crichton, commissioner? Shame's back pitching horseshoes in the prison yard.
But this time, rubber horseshoes.
And Calamity Jan and Frontier Fanny are on police detail.
- Police detail'? -Police detail'? Policing up the cells in the women's cell block, that is.
At last, maybe things will get back to normal around here.
Normal, Chief O'Hara? With that famed Yale professor of Egyptology back in his King Tut alter ego escaping from a Gotham City Prison's psychiatrist's couch to begin another cunning caper calculated to confound our Terrific Trio? Watch the next episode to see just how normal things are not going to be in Gotham City.
Gotham City Central Park where the Dynamic Duo interrogate Frontier Fanny in Shame's stable hideout.
Catching me ain't going to do you no good, Dynamic Dingbats.
My Shame's got your Batgirl, and he ain't gonna let her go.
Not till he's finished committing the crime of the century.
- Which is? -Which is none of your business.
You reckon she's all right, Batgirl, in the trunk of the car? I don't suppose she'll be going anywhere, Shame.
- Yeah.
Hi.
- How do you do? - That's a good-looking six shooter you got.
-Uh, would you like to look at it? I'd be mighty grateful, if you wouldn't mind.
It's a beautiful piece of machinery.
Yeah, that's a beautiful piece of machinery.
How much is that? Oh, it's 69.
95.
Well, now, 69.
95, that's too much.
Do it shoot straight? Up to 300 yards.
All right, in that case, stick them up.
You know, I had a funny feeling you were gonna say that.
Gang, hang him up on the wall for safekeeping.
Come on.
Get all that stuff ready for the great train robbery.
Come on, come on.
Let's hustle it up here.
Come on, let's go.
Come on.
Will you put me down? I'll give you all nice presents.
Will you stop it? What are you doing? Ooh, ooh! Shame, honey, you seen my ma? Yeah, I seen too much of her lately.
I think we must've left her at the stable with the horses.
Well, don't worry, nobody will notice.
We gotta go back and get her.
No can do, lover.
By now, she's probably a prisoner of the police.
Might as well give her up for gone.
Honey, she's my mother, the only one I got.
Yeah, I know.
Oh, don't be like that.
I know she's a battle-ax and an old owl, but she is my flesh and blood.
Yeah, I was wondering about that heredity.
What'd your father look like? - Oh, he was prettier than my ma.
-Nobody could be uglier.
Well, can't we try and rescue her? You want me to bust into police headquarters? That's like putting my own head in my own noose.
Well, we could trade her for Batgirl, like a prisoner swap.
No, that ain't no swap.
If I swapped like that, I wouldn't have a pot to put my head in for a haircut.
Can't we try, honey? Please? Please? Oh, you know I can't stand to see a woman cry.
All right.
I wonder if Batgirl is still alive.
Who knows what that demented desperado will do.
- Maybe he's just holding her hostage.
-No, I don't think so.
I think he has something else in mind, something infinitely more heinous.
Otherwise, he would have called us by now.
Don't you agree, commissioner? Huh? Oh.
I beg your pardon, Batman.
My mind was elsewhere.
My daughter, Barbara, has been missing since yesterday.
And while the welfare of Gotham City is important worries of my daughter's welfare keep invading my thoughts.
Now, what? Please, what was it you were saying? How.
It's Chief Standing Pat.
He's one of Shame's henchmen.
I-- No, Chief O'Hara.
He's obviously here for a reason.
Hmm.
Let's hear what he has to say.
Man with blue-and-white face speak with straight tongue.
I come talk peace treaty with you.
What are your terms? Shame willing to trade Batgirl for Frontier Fanny, even up.
What's the catch? Shame usually has three or four aces and a derringer up his scheming sleeve.
You no try catch us, we let Batgirl go with full scalp safe.
- No deal.
-That's fine by me.
Her scalp look good on my belt.
Just a minute, chief.
Commissioner, I know how you feel about criminals, and I echo those sentiments.
But Batgirl has been very valuable to all of Gotham City through her pluck and her heroism.
I don't think we can afford to lose her now.
And the alternative to this deal is death.
Very well, Dynamic Duo, I leave the decision in your gloves.
You tell Shame we'll agree to any of his terms as long as Batgirl is safe.
Then you bring Fat Squaw to Central American pavilion at Gotham City World's Fair.
It closed now.
No one bother us.
We meet when little hand is on 11 and big hand is on 12.
Chief Standing Pat has spoken.
NARRATOR".
Meanwhile, back at the ammunition store Shame and his aides are celebrating their coup.
Well, aides, that was quite a coup.
What's the news, Standing? Batman agree to terms, but he no longer under spell of Fear Gas.
Him heap, heap, brave, brave now.
Yeah, we'll see how heap, heap, brave, brave he is.
We're gonna dry-gulch them varmints in the Central American pavilion and after we get them out of our sombrero, we're gonna conduct what I like to refer to as - the great train robbery.
- Great train robbery.
And after that, we're gonna head west.
I arranged powwow for when little hand is on 11 and big hand is on 12.
- Let's see, that'd be, uh That'd be, uh -Eleven o'clock, Shame, honey.
Eleven o'clock, Shame, honey.
Dad-blame it, I know it.
Now, now I got a plan.
Now, I got a plan.
Now, here's my plan.
We're gonna go to the Central To the Central, uh - American Pavilion.
-American Pavilion.
And after we get there, we're gonna get there - We're gonna get there -Early.
Early.
And then after that, we're gonna-- We're gonna Bushwhack them.
Bushwhack them.
That Batgirl still tied up? She's in the trunk of the automobile.
Good.
All right, let's go.
Come on, let's go.
Tallyho.
Are you sure he's Mexican? NARRATOR".
But even as Batman and Robin race along the highway Shame is arriving at the Central American pavilion with deadly punctuality.
All right, gang- We'll hide right here till them Caped Clods come moseying in.
But no shooting till Mama's safe.
Yeah, no shooting till Mama's safe.
- Stop it! - Hey.
Hold your tongue.
I think I smell a bat.
Stop it, stop it! Yeah, I smell a bat.
Skedaddle.
Skedaddle.
You let me go! You finally got wise to it, you couldn't hold me.
Not while my prospective son-in-law still has an ounce of strength in his crooked body.
All right, keep your feet planted, Batboys before I put a picture window in your skull.
You wouldn't shoot us in cold blood? Cold blood, hot blood, warm blood, makes no never mind to me.
- Just pass over our Frontier Fanny.
-Where's Batgirl? Don't make a deal, Batman.
They'll gun you down.
Get away from our Fanny.
He'll let us have it if we do.
Still, we can't hide behind a woman.
I have in my utility belt a Bat-chemical which changes the physical property of metal and makes it 20 times heavier.
Let's see how effective it is.
Watch it, Shame.
He's up to a trick.
Doggone it.
Doggone it, Batman.
You cheated.
You know we ain't no good in a fair fight.
That's what I was counting on, Shame.
Get away from me.
Okay, come on.
Let's get while the getting's good.
- Come on.
-They ain't gonna deduct our plan, anyway.
We're two hoots and a holler ahead of them.
Come on.
Of all the rotten luck.
Take heart, Batgirl.
All is not lost.
We'll catch Shame before this day is through.
And truth and justice will win out.
Are you sure the phone isn't out of order, operator? Very well, thank you.
- Still no word? -None.
And it isn't like Barbara to go off like this.
I've had no word from her in two days.
- I'm certain she's all right, commissioner.
-How can you be? Just, uh Call it a woman's intuition.
Batgirl.
Exactly what did Shame talk about while you were in his custody? It's a bit difficult to recall.
I was still under the influence of Fear Gas for quite a while but I do remember his saying something about the great train robbery.
Hmm Mm-hmm.
So we don't know which train he means.
But there is one train that runs under Gotham City every night to pick up the cash from the subway stations.
But it's mostly coins and the money is so bulky, it would be very hard for them to travel fast.
Ergo, rule that one out.
There's a mail train that comes into Gotham City once a day carrying a great many negotiable checks and bonds.
You weren't around when we first encountered Shame, Batgirl.
No, a mail train is not his modus operandi.
I think we all need some refreshment.
What would you be saying to some soft drinks to cool off your brows? On me, of course.
Splendid idea, Chief O'Hara.
I better be turning this one into the bank.
Heh.
It looks like it's been in circulation since the turn of the century.
Chief O'Hara, that's the answer.
- It is? -Today's the day when the government ships all the old money out of town by train to be burned.
Old money that's tattered and torn is collected by banks and turned over to the treasury for destruction.
That must be what Shame's been after.
- We'd better get moving.
-And fast.
NARRATOR".
But are you in time, Batman? Because, even now, evil events are being put into motion.
This is my first run on the money train.
I get kind of nervous with all this cash around.
Not a thing to worry about.
I make the same trip every month at the same time.
Never even came close to a robbery.
It's practically impossible.
This train doesn't stop for anything.
You know, they'd have to sever the rails with an acetylene torch to even slow it down.
What if someone did stop the train? What then? No problem.
This car is made out of 3-inch armor plate.
It's impregnable.
Nothing can crack it.
With the possible exception of a 283-karat diamond drill.
That Fear Gas works every time.
Please.
Please don't hurt us, mister.
I'm a family man.
I got a wife and kid.
I'm a bachelor, but-- But-- But I wanna live anyway.
Good.
Oh, good.
Good.
All right, let's round up this dinero, partners.
We got a lot of gravel to scratch before the sun winks down.
We're too late.
Please, don't beat us up, Batman.
It wasn't our fault.
There, there.
Compose yourself, citizen.
We understand.
You don't have to snivel and cower.
It's that dreaded Fear Gas again.
Oh, this is terrible, Batman.
Shame's flown the coop soot-free and we haven't got any clue to his whereabouts.
Allay your trepidation, Robin.
- Do you have an idea? -it's an extremely long shot, Batgirl.
An appeal to Shame's inordinate egomania may flush him out.
Meanwhile, let's administer these bravery tablets to these yeomen in order to counteract that horrible Fear Gas.
What is this you're tinkering with? It's a skywriter drone, Alfred.
I've programmed it to write a message across the sky.
If we're lucky, Shame will see it.
It's an invitation for Shame to meet me in man-to-man combat, unarmed.
Yeah, doggies, I reckon I'm happier than a horse in a yard full of oats.
- Ha-ha-ha! -How much you figure we got, Shame? Oh, about 83 million, give or take a hundred.
After I get through weeding through this grubby stuff, we ought to still have over 60 mil.
And how is this vast fortune to be allocated? Yeah he's Mexican, all right.
Look, Fred, I got no truck for a man that talks 8 pounds to the word.
Now, you talk English like us normal folks or don't talk, Fred.
Get it? - Got it.
-Good.
- How do you plan on divvying up the spoils? -That's better.
You and the chief get 1 million each.
That ought to keep you in tacos for a while.
What about me? Don't I get something for my troubles? Yeah, you get a rich son-in-law, Fan.
Look.
Up in sky.
It's a bird.
It's a plane.
No, it's a message for me.
"Shame, you are a lily-livered coward.
Meet me on Neptune Ave in the deserted and condemned tenement district at high noon if you think you can beat me without your gang or your guns.
Just bring your two fists and I'll bring mine.
Signed, Batman.
" Why, that Caped Clown.
That's an insult.
Darned if I won't be there.
I'll be there all right.
I'll be there all right and I'll knock out so many of his teeth, he'll have to eat his steak through a straw.
Shame, honey, it's a trap.
Don't go.
You bet it's a trap.
Only this time, we're the trappers and he's the trapee.
Fred, get the police on the phone and tell them Shame is coming back.
A man's gotta do what he's gotta do.
That's why I deliberately chose that urban renewal area the one that's condemned so that no innocent bystanders would get shot up.
You may get shot up.
This town's gotta be cleaned up so that little children are safe and happy and healthy growing up.
Well, in case something happens to me, I know you'll carry on without me.
Chief O'Hara.
In case something happens.
- Commissioner.
-Good luck.
Thank you.
Batgirl.
- Batman, I-- -Don't say it, Robin.
I understand.
You wait until me and Batman is 20 feet apart then I want you to drill him, and drill him good.
And I don't want just blood, I want gore.
- Get it? -Got it.
Good.
Now you wait till you see the whites of his eyes through his slits.
Good luck, Shame, honey.
Dumpling, I don't need luck as long as I've got you.
Couldn't you just get sick? Hey, Batman, you fake.
Don't you ever smile? You look grimmer than a losing football coach.
Perhaps I should unbend a little.
Thank you for the constructive criticism, Shame.
Your mother wore Army shoes.
Yes, she did.
As I recall, she found them quite comfortable.
They're about 30 feet apart now.
Now, get ready.
I'm gonna keep on insulting you till you run out of cheeks to turn.
If you need to be vitriolic, vituperative and vindictive, Shame, you go right ahead.
Just as I thought.
We've got to stop them before they fire.
- I'll take the two women, you handle the men.
- Right.
A few feet more, Batman will have more holes in him than a Texas oil field.
Now it'll be fair.
What's wrong, Shame? Lost your nerve? How far you figure we are apart? Eighteen feet, six and a half inches.
We're less than 20 feet apart.
You hear me? We're less than 20 feet apart.
You big sissy, you couldn't drive nails in a snow bank.
Why would I want to? You ready to give up and admit I'm better than you are? What for? Because I'm gonna whup you.
You're pretty handy with your mouth, Shame.
Much more so than with your fists.
Oh, no! No, spare me, Batman.
I ain't nearly, nearly as ornery as I ought to be.
- Boo! -Oh, don't! Don't! Don't do that, Batman.
Stand up, Shame.
You're not worthy of the name Shame.
You're a sham, Shame.
Don't ever cry on my tights or pull my leg again.
On your feet, Shame.
Shame, I look at you with a mixture of emotions.
Sympathy and disgust.
You're heading for the last roundup, Shame, because of your greed and your avarice.
Otherwise, you might have realized that good, even though it's sometimes sidetracked always, repeat, always triumphs over evil.
You were magnificent, Batman.
That was some shoot-out on that deserted street.
Some shoot-out without guns, commissioner.
Shame had a gun, and the way you flicked it out of his hand was brilliant.
It reminded me of that great old movie, Low Midnight or something.
It's all in a day's crime-fighting.
Have you heard from Warden Crichton, commissioner? Shame's back pitching horseshoes in the prison yard.
But this time, rubber horseshoes.
And Calamity Jan and Frontier Fanny are on police detail.
- Police detail'? -Police detail'? Policing up the cells in the women's cell block, that is.
At last, maybe things will get back to normal around here.
Normal, Chief O'Hara? With that famed Yale professor of Egyptology back in his King Tut alter ego escaping from a Gotham City Prison's psychiatrist's couch to begin another cunning caper calculated to confound our Terrific Trio? Watch the next episode to see just how normal things are not going to be in Gotham City.