Becker Episode Scripts

N/A - Drive, They Said

( blues theme playing ) Bad news, Jimmy.
You have a severe ulcer.
You're gonna have to make some serious changes in your diet.
But I can still eat pizza, right? What, with sausage? Yeah.
Meatballs, those hot peppers? Yeah.
No.
You've got an ulcer, Jimmy, a crater.
A huge hole in your stomach.
Hey, Dr.
Becker, I don't always have time to eat right, and it's my busy season.
Yeah, right, busy season.
Scalpers have busy seasons? I'm not a scalper, all right? I'm an entertainment consultant.
Yeah, well have you ever entertained the idea of paying your bill? I'm a little cash poor right now.
All my money's tied up in tickets.
So how are you gonna pay me? Uh, you like musicals? Do I look like I like musicals? All right then, what do you want? I want money.
( laughs ): No.
No, really, huh? Come on, doc, work with me, huh? Hockey, basketball.
Hey, how about a concert? I know.
The Beach Boys are comin' to town.
Oh, yeah, that's just what I want to see.
Five California Raisins singin' about how great it is to be out of school.
You know, for God's sake, when the ramp up to the stage is no longer for the equipment, it's over.
Somebody ought to tell those guys it was fun, fun, fun but it's time for daddy to take the T-Bird away.
Uh, Riverdance? ( blues theme playing ) ( blues theme playing ) It's him, it's him.
What are you talkin' about? Take a look at this.
"No-nonsense scuba queen seeks naughty jockey for--" Not that one, the one beneath it.
"Our eyes met Tuesday morning on the D Train.
If you're my angel, "meet me at Ray's Cafe on Queens Boulevard, That's tonight, and I'm the angel.
See, I was on the train and I saw the cutest guy.
Our eyes met and had a conversation.
His said, "Hi.
" And then mine said, "How you doin'?" And then his said, "Those are real nice shoes you're wearing.
" And then mine said-- Look at my eyes.
What are they saying? All right, I'll get back to work in a minute.
But anyways, the train stopped and he was gone.
And now he's trying to find me again.
It's so romantic.
It's so dangerous.
You don't know him.
He could be some kind of nut.
Margaret, true love requires risk.
And if this guy truly is my soul mate, I would travel to the ends of the Earth to find him.
Of course, Queens is a bit of a schlep.
Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, look, I'm treatin' you for an ulcer.
That doesn't come cheap.
If you can't pay me cash, here's what I want: I want-- I want two tickets to tonight's game behind home plate to watch the Mets play Mark McGwire and the Cardinals.
I'm a scalper, not a miracle worker.
The best I can do is upper deck.
Upper deck, is that right? Yeah, uh-- Margaret, do me a favor.
Check Jimmy's outstanding bill for me.
Let me get the deadbeat file.
All right, all right, you got your tickets.
Ticket scalping.
I should have sold bootleg T-shirts like my mother wanted.
All right.
Did you hear that? The Mets and the Cards.
I wanna get out early tonight, Margaret.
Fine with me.
I'm giving a surprise party for Louis tonight.
Thanks for not inviting me.
Oh, I just asked a few people.
No, I meant thanks for not inviting me.
But if you're going out to Shea Stadium tonight, would you mind droppin' me off on the way? I'll have a cake I'd rather not carry on the train.
Come on, traffic's horrible that time of night.
What are you, 8 years old? You gonna miss a few minutes of batting practice? Hey, look, they-they hit a lot of home runs then.
It's really neat.
Come-- Oh, fine, I'll take you.
But I want to be out of here at 6:00, so let's keep things rolling.
Who's next? Mrs.
Yudelson.
Oh, no, don't-- WOMAN: Huh? What is it today, Mrs.
Yudelson? It's my new medication.
My heart's a-racing.
It's just go, go, go, go.
I can't slow down.
I'm gonna make a few calls.
Let me know when she gets there, will you? ( blues theme playing ) Jake, what's up? Reg, let me have a burger, will you? Well done.
Becker, why do you always have to have it well done? It kills all the flavor.
No, no, you've gotta really cook those things.
You ever been to a packinghouse? It's disgusting.
They've got blood and ground up meat all over the place.
Just crawling with diseases, like Vegas for bacteria.
Reg, could you do me a favor? Could you put this back on the grill till it's about the-- About the size of a quarter? One burger, no flavor comin' up.
Hey, Jake, how would you like to go out to Shea and watch Mark McGwire tonight? Oh, damn.
I'd love to.
But tonight's the night I have to visit my grandma.
You're choosing your grandmother over Mark McGwire? I mean, you can see her after the game.
Can't, if I don't get there on time, she hits me over the head with her orthopedic shoe.
It's not like I can see that comin'.
Hey, you know what? Since you're goin' out that way, you mind droppin' me off? No, no, no.
Come on, John, last time I was on the subway, within five minutes I got mugged, lost and felt up.
W-why is it the handicapped never want any special attention until they need a ride? Won't give a ride to a blind man, right here.
Right here.
I was kidding you.
Come on, will you? ( chuckles ) Thanks a lot, John, I appreciate it.
And, uh, Reg, call me when that burger's ready.
Mm-hm.
BECKER: Pick you up at 6.
Don't be late, I don't wanna miss any of the game.
Oh, big deal.
You miss a few minutes of baseball, the world's slowest game.
I mean, all it is is a bunch of guys standing around, spitting and scratching themselves.
I can see that here.
Oh, no, Reg, Reg, if you don't like baseball, it's because you don't understand it.
It's a-- It's a game of-of precision and power and speed.
You know, hitting a ball that's traveling 90 miles an hour with spin on it.
It's throwing out a runner at home plate from deep right field on one hop.
That's artistry.
That's poetry, you know.
Throw in a-- Throw in a hot dog, a beer and peeing in a trough, it's close to heaven.
Yeah, nothing says poetry like a dozen guys whizzing.
Okay, I'll go.
I-I don't recall inviting you.
Oh, well, after Jake turned you down, I didn't think you had any friends left.
I got plenty of Six o'clock okay? ( blues theme playing ) Okay, Margaret, it's 6:00.
Let's get out of here.
What is this? It's Louis' birthday cake.
I thought you was having a few people over.
Yeah, a few people who really like cake.
Whatever.
But you're gonna have to hold it in your lap because my trunk won't open.
Dr.
Becker, Margaret said you were driving out to Queens, and I was wondering-- Oh, crap.
Margaret, wh--? LINDA: Could you drop me? I gotta meet some guy I've never seen at a place I've never been.
It's real important.
I just hope I make it back 'cause I always get lost in Queens.
Then I'll definitely take you there.
( blues theme playing ) I've been sitting here for 10 seconds.
I'm guessing that's a record for a woman in this car.
Oh, look at that.
It's already after 6.
Let's get goin' here.
You know, if this thing looks like it smells, you should just drive it right off a bridge.
Hey, Jake, you know what smells great? The subway.
Gotcha.
Move-- Move the cake over, will ya? I can't, there's no room.
I need a window seat or I get sick, and I don't wanna throw up in your car.
I doubt anyone would notice.
( engine struggling ) Oh, damn.
Someone switch with her, please.
I'll switch.
( engine struggling ) Anything to get out of this car for a second.
At this rate, we're never gonna get out of here.
Ah-ah.
Forget that.
Hey, John, you got any seat belts on this thing? You gotta fish between the seats for them.
( engine struggling ) Hey, hey, hey.
Sorry.
You know what? Forget about the belt, I'll just live dangerously.
( engine struggles, starts ) ( applause ) Oh, John.
W-w-what are you doing? This is a big night for me.
I just want to make sure I look right.
Here, all right? Everyone else happy now? Can we go, please? ( blues theme playing ) Oh.
.
Hey, come on, come on.
If you're gonna drive that slow, you shouldn't be on the road.
John, it's a hearse.
What? Just because it's too late for him, doesn't mean he has to ruin it for the rest of us.
Oh, thank you, daylight.
( engine revs ) John, what's your hurry? Did you knock off a bank before we got in? Hey, you wanna drive? I couldn't do any worse.
Jake, Jake, Jake.
Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake.
Very funny, very funny.
Oh, here we go.
This will be better.
( tires screech ) John.
( car honks ) Look out.
Ah! Well, did you see that? The son of a bitch cut me off.
I had the right of way.
( engine revs ) Oh, what are you doing? I'm gonna get that guy's license plate.
He's a menace.
Forget it, let it go.
John, you are following too close.
I can't read the number yet.
I gotta get the plate lined up in the good headlight.
John, he's stopping.
( tires screech ) ( crash ) ( sighs ) Everyone all right? Yeah.
Yeah, I guess so.
E-R-B-two-two-four.
You little son of a bitch.
John.
What the hell is your problem? Me? You cut me off back there.
Oh, look what you did.
Look what you did.
This is a classic.
You hit me from behind.
It's your fault.
I've got four witnesses in that car, saw the whole thing.
So far I'm not impressed.
Where are you going? I'm gettin' the hell away from that crazy man.
I'm takin' the train.
You better have a damn good lawyer, pal, 'cause I'm gonna sue your ass off.
You weren't looking where you were going.
You were the one that hit me, you jerk.
Hey, it was self-defense.
You were all over the place.
Look, we have all got someplace to be.
So why don't you just exchange information so we can get to where we're going? Just apologize, Becker, and let's get out of here.
Apologize for what? It was your fault.
That's not one of my witnesses.
Come on, John, I gotta get home.
Yeah, and I'm gonna be late for my date.
I don't wanna start our relationship with this guy thinkin' I'm flaky.
Well, if you can keep that from him, then he's the one for you.
All right, here's-- Oh, great, what is this? You're injured all of a sudden? Very original.
You're just jealous because you didn't think of it first.
I'm really not feelin' so good.
You got pain someplace? Oh, my chest, I can't breathe.
You gotta get me a doctor.
I-I am a doctor.
Get me another doctor.
You on any medication? No.
Margaret, his pulse is weak.
Yeah, he's losing color.
All right, let's go.
Is there anything I can do? Yeah, help us get him into the car.
Queens General is just down the street.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, Jake, we're leaving.
Linda? Oh, damn.
I'm right back where I started.
( blues theme playing ) ( blues theme playing ) It's getting kind of late, does anyone wanna split a cab? Oh, I will.
John said he'd just be a few more minutes.
He wants to check with the man's doctor just to make sure he's okay.
I don't care what the EKG says, that was more than a hyperventilation episode.
Dr.
Becker, I appreciate your concern, but we get this quite a bit.
I mean, you did hit Mr.
Halke's car.
He got all worked up.
It was not my fault.
The guy stopped short.
You hit him from behind.
It's definitely your fault.
Hey-- John, you did.
It's totally your fault.
Trust me, Dr.
Becker, we've got it under control.
Good night.
Putz.
Damn residents, they're so arrogant.
They spend two seconds with a patient, instant diagnosis.
But is the guy you hit gonna be okay? I-I didn't hit him.
He stopped short.
And, yeah, he's stable.
EKG came back negative.
They say he'll be fine.
Thank goodness, because you really slammed into him.
Hey, Reg What-what'd you bring the cake in here for? John, your car doesn't lock.
Someone might steal it.
Yeah, like someone's gonna go near his car.
BECKER: Hey-- Just take us home.
All right, all right, fine.
Maybe I can catch some of the game there, let's go.
Hey, John, you mind droppin' me off first? My grandmother's 97.
Minutes count.
No, take me first.
I don't want this guy thinking I'm playing hard to get.
Oh, seriously, Linda, you think the guy's still gonna be there? If he is who I think he is, he'll be waiting.
Well, if he's who I think he is, he'll be waiting in a basement full of skulls with a pit in the floor.
Okay, Becker, who's first? Becker? ( all groan ) What now, Becker? Something's not right.
John, come on, if you're gonna stay here, would you just give us the car? Oh, all right.
Here.
It's a good idea.
You drive.
Just a couple of things about the car though.
D on the gearshift doesn't necessarily mean drive, so you gotta anticipate.
Oh, yeah, and, uh, if you step on the brakes, the car turns to the right, so if you wanna go straight, you gotta turn the wheel hard to the left.
Oh, hey, one more thing.
Keep your shoes on, the gas pedal gets real hot.
Mr.
Halke? What are you doin' here? I want to see how you're feeling.
I've had better days.
Tell me about it.
I have tickets to the Mets.
Oh, fine.
Then you win.
Tell me where your pain is, will ya? My chest and my back.
Yeah, your back? Tell-tell me exactly where.
Right in the middle of my shoulder blades.
It really hurts.
I thought we said good night to you, Dr.
Becker.
He's got chest pains radiating into his upper back.
Well, you saw his EKG.
His cardiac enzymes are normal.
My guess is that it's muscle strain from some trauma.
Gee, perhaps that accident in which you rear-ended him.
All right, all right, I think we're all clear on that.
Nevertheless, I think you ought to check-- Well, unless I'm mistaken, you don't have privileges at this hospital.
So what you think I should check doesn't really matter.
W-w-wait a minute.
What do you think he should check? That's all right, Mr.
Halke, you-you relax.
Here, let me just talk to you for a second, will you, please? Look, look, you may be right.
It may be a muscle spasm, but your patient's complaining about a chest pain that radiates into his back.
He could be dissecting his thoracic aorta.
If I were you, I'd order an emergency CAT scan, stat.
Doctor, that's a very expensive and traumatic procedure based on a hunch.
I'm not putting my patient through that.
And he is my patient.
Right, well, I hate to fly in the face of your months of experience, but I have seen this before.
You know, a hardened artery splits, rips right out of the heart.
Usually with smokers.
I'll bet he is a smoker.
You're a smoker, right? HALKE: Oh, I'd kill for one right now.
You know what, Dr.
Becker? I know you would love for this to be pre-existing, because that would leave you guilt-free from the accident, but I'm sorry, can't help you.
Now, are we done here? Your patient, your call, doctor.
( blues theme playing ) ANNOUNCER ( on TV ): Two balls and one strike Hi, I'm calling to see if there's a guy in your restaurant who looks like he's waiting for someone.
Um, he's really handsome with thick black hair and deep blue eyes that look right into your soul.
What? He left? Oh.
But he was my soul mate.
So what do you look like? Oh, never mind.
Thanks.
McGwire swings, whoa, what a shot.
That may have been the longest home run I have ever seen in my life.
And that was number three tonight.
Let's see that one again.
Oh, man.
What was he thinking trying to blow a fastball by him? Yeah, can you believe that? But you have to tip your hat to anyone who has the precision and power to hit a 90 mile-an-hour pitch with a spin on it that far.
You like baseball? Are you kidding? I love it.
The artistry, the poetry.
Throw in a hot dog and a beer, and you're pretty close to heaven.
Amazing.
I'm Steve.
I mean, uh, Dr.
Steve Witlin.
Reggie Kostas, nice to meet you.
Can I buy you a cup of coffee? I'd love it.
Good.
Hello, Louis? Are all your friends standing around looking really uncomfortable? Yeah, well, surprise.
WOMAN ( on PA ):Dr.
Witlin, please pick up line two.
Excuse me, I'll be back.
I'll be here.
( sighs ) I met someone too.
( blues theme playing ) ( blues theme playing ) Do you believe this? I can't get anyone in this hospital to listen to me.
The guy's got severe back pain and Doogie Howser in there says it's a muscle spasm.
Oh, you know what? I can't do anything more here.
Come on, let's go.
Hey, come on, I thought you all had plans.
Louis' party is over.
I planned it, I threw it, I missed it.
Now I get to go home and clean up after it.
Well-- LINDA: Yeah, Dr.
Becker, what if because of you I missed the chance to meet the future father of my children? How will I explain that to them? Thanks to you, my grandma will never speak to me again.
Oh, come on.
What is she, 97? Just call her up and tell her you were there.
Well, you guys wanna sit around and bitch or you wanna go? Come on.
Oh, just take us home.
Uh, Dr.
Becker? ( all groan ) Hey, hey, hey.
Relax, will you? We're leaving.
What? Um I took your advice and ordered that CAT scan.
It showed a dissection of his ascending aorta.
We're prepping him for the OR now.
How did you know you were right? I didn't.
You said he was fine, he said he wasn't.
I thought he knew better.
All right.
Well, um, thanks.
You kind of saved my ass.
Hey, come here.
Listen, this happens to all of us.
I interned at Boston General.
Cases came in there so fast, I could hardly think straight.
I know that they expect you to have all the answers, but you gotta keep an open mind, you know.
You gotta be patient, listen to what others around you are saying.
Dr.
Becker, are we gonna lea--? I'm havin' a conversation here.
You know what I'm saying? Be patient and listen.
I think I got it.
Thanks.
The guy's still a putz.
Well, come on, you wanna sit around or you wanna go? I could tell you who else is a putz.
( blues theme playing ) Three home runs.
McGwire hits three home runs in one game, and I miss it.
Why does everything happen to me? Hey, look at the bright side.
You saved a man's life.
Yeah, well But three home runs.
It's amazing.
In the same night, I got to see you save a man's life and whine like a 3-year-old.
Well, it's all part of my charm.
( chuckles ) I'll give you this, Becker, an evening with you is not dull.
Thank you.
So where am I taking you two? Oh, I know a great sports bar in Bayside.
Sports bar? You're gonna take her to a sports bar? She doesn't even like-- Ow.
All right, all right.
Here, make yourself useful.
Hold this up here, will you? Higher.
( blues theme playing ) ( blues theme playing )