Becker Episode Scripts

N/A - Sue You

What the hell is this? An awkward moment.
Did you ever hear of knocking? Believe me, I wish I had.
Hey, Dr.
Don't "Hey, Dr.
Becker" me.
How could you sue me for malpractice? It's something my lawyer said the two insurance companies would fight out.
It's nothing personal.
Nothing personal? You're suing me! God, I just spoke to you yesterday.
I mean, what kind of two-bit ambulance chaser would get their hooks in you so fast? Melvin Goler, attorney at law.
You? I'd get up, but I don't know what they did with my pants.
You gotta be kidding me.
No, it's true.
They took mine too.
What do they do with those? I don't care about your damn pants, Vinny.
Calm down, you butcher.
It's lucky for my client.
I was here after you gave him a heart attack.
I did not give Vinny a heart attack.
Fine, the day you recklessly advised my client to engage in exercise which led to a heart attack.
Anyway, we're suing for a million.
Have your lawyer call me.
I-I don't have a lawyer.
Make it 2 million.
Is this guy serious? He told me I'd be crazy not to pursue this.
I told you you'd be crazy not to diet and exercise.
You never listened to me, did you? For God's sake, man, I I saved your life.
After you endangered it, you butcher.
Hey, would you stop calling me a butcher? Oh, by the way, off the record, nice flowers.
What? On the record, it's interesting you felt guilty enough to send them.
Oh, wait Wait a second, the flowers were not my idea.
They were my nurse's.
Didn't even care enough to send flowers.
Ah Well, thank you for stopping by.
All I need to do is add the word "butcher," I'll have my opening statement.
You know, you go ahead and sue me, Vinny, but you're not gonna win, because I'm right, and I got the truth on my side.
Oh, the truth.
Make it 3 million.
I mean, how could that bastard sue me? I tell you, it shakes your faith in humanity.
You hate humanity.
No, I dislike humanity.
I hate stuffed peppers.
That's an omelet.
So are you gonna fight this? Absolutely.
You know, there's no way I'm I'm settling.
I'm right, damn it.
Oh, being right has nothing to do with it, Becker.
People sue over the most ludicrous things and still win.
They trip over a sidewalk, and they sue the city.
It rains on their vacation, and they sue the travel agent.
You could sue someone if you fell in their apartment.
But make sure they have insurance first.
I pushed my mother down my cousin's front step for nothing.
What? She was already in a wheelchair.
So did you get a lawyer yet? No, no.
The insurance company is sending one over tomorrow.
Oh, your favorite kind of lawyer: free.
I tell you something, they are messing with the wrong guy.
You know, they're just trying to screw me out of a quick buck.
And I will die before I let that happen.
Wow, John, you're really angry.
This is a side of you we've seen before.
I tell you, they don't know who they're dealing with.
I'm not you average moron.
Uh, John I know what I said.
Your average moron wouldn't have known that.
Wouldn't have known what? Not a word.
My husband made it for me.
Really? Yes.
Now that he's unemployed, Louis has some time on his hands.
Some men drink, some men knit.
Apparently, my husband drinks and then he knits.
What exactly is it? He calls it a swest.
Not quite a sweater, but more than a vest.
He made it on a machine he bought on TV called a KnitWit.
The worst part is, he said he might drop by, and I have to continue to wear this hideous thing all day.
Well, I think it's nice.
Oh, please, I look like a llama.
Margaret, llamas are beautiful animals.
And I think your swest looks great.
It really brings out your eyes.
Hey, and it goes nicely with your pen.
I'm serious.
And it's Oh, "nitwit.
" I get it.
Anyways, it's obvious that Louis put a lot of love and colors into it.
Besides, at a time like this, making that probably gave him a wonderful feeling of accomplishment.
Mm, I don't know.
Maybe you're right.
Of course I am.
Linda, what's going on? A bunch of patient stuff, but that's not important.
Oh, and some lawyer is in your office, but that's not important either.
Wait till you see Margaret.
She's wearing the most hideous thing ever.
The dress with the flowers? Worse.
The pantsuit with the circles? Worse.
It looks like someone ate a box of crayons and threw up a sweater.
Whatever you do, don't laugh.
Linda, Margaret and I have worked together, side by side, as trusted associates for years.
Believe me, I know how to keep a straight face.
Hi, Dr.
I'm Ruth Sonders from First Medical Insurance.
Oh, yeah.
Nice to meet you.
Uh, look, I just want you to know I am ready for this lawsuit.
I mean, $3 million? That's insane.
I agree.
Most of the time, these matters resolve very quickly.
Well, I don't care if this trial drags on for years.
Well, if we're lucky, it'll be over by Friday.
If we make them a reasonable offer, I'm sure they'll settle.
Settle? Look, there is no way I am settling.
I'd be admitting that I was wrong.
Oh, please, no one admits they're wrong.
We sign some papers, exchange some money, and we're all in the bar having drinks by 6.
No, no, no.
I am fighting this.
Look, I am right, and I've got the truth on my side.
I just assumed.
I mean, most people wanna settle.
Yeah, well, I'm not most people.
Okay, well, fine.
If you wanna fight, we'll fight.
I must say, I'm impressed by your integrity.
I get that a lot.
But this changes things.
I'm gonna need more information from you.
Oh, uh Well, I can't do it right now, I got patients all day.
Um How about after work? Uh, yeah, all right.
Six o'clock okay? Yeah, that's fine.
Here? Uh, no, no.
Look there's a There's a great diner, couple blocks over.
Go past that, and it's a place called Reggie's.
Can you believe that guy is suing Becker? He's lucky he didn't die on that treadmill.
Can you imagine if he had? How bad would that be? Lying face down on a dirty, sweaty piece of rubber while it sands your nose off.
You know, I think the worst way to die would be drowning in the ocean.
I mean, you'd be wet, freezing and gasping for air.
And it'd be really salty.
Salt is so bloating.
Yeah, it takes away from the lustrous good health of drowning.
You know, drowning is not the worst way to go.
Drowning is euphoric.
Everyone says so.
Yeah, I believe that's what it said on the tickets for the Titanic.
I don't know, maybe.
Okay, okay, look, here's the worst way to die.
I'm falling off a cliff, right? Ooh, I like it so far.
And I bash my head on the rocks, and I fall into the water.
Next thing you know, a shark is tearing me apart.
Then, I'm inside the shark, but I'm still not dead.
I'm slowly being digested for the rest of eternity.
Where do you even come up with a sick story like that? I didn't.
My ex-wife used to whisper it in my ear every night as I drifted off to sleep.
Reggie, just some coffee, please.
Whoa, Becker, who is this? Yeah, Bob, she's my lawyer.
We got a lot to do, so just leave us alone, will you? Oh, a lawyer.
She could "debrief" me any day.
You hear what I said there, Jake? Get it, "debrief"? Why couldn't I be deaf? I have a feeling you're a lot easier to look at than to listen to.
Don't bet on it.
I'm Bob.
Hey, go Leave us alone, will you? Hey, Becker, I'm working here.
So how about we go back to my place and I'll massage you with exotic oils? What are you gonna do, rub your hair on her? I'll check back with you.
I'm sorry about him.
Oh, you spray, you put down traps, but then you turn on the lights, and there he is, staring up at you.
Okay, your notes indicate that you've been trying to get Mr.
Deluca to exercise for years.
That's why I took him to the gym.
You do that with all your patients? No, just Vinny.
He's in bad shape.
I mean, the guy was like a walking time bomb.
You took a walking time bomb to the gym? No, t-that's not That's not what I What I meant was that, you know, that he could've had that heart attack at any time.
Any time someone made him do something strenuous? That's right.
No, th No, that's wrong.
Look, he was lucky that I was there.
So you went to see Vinny in the hospital.
Why? Because he was my patient, you know? I felt bad for him.
Oh, so you felt responsible? No, no, absolutely not.
I was anything but responsible.
So you were irresponsible? T-that's not what I said.
You know, I-I did not do anything wrong.
Of course not.
You were showing concern, which is only human.
That's right.
And humans make mistakes.
Like the mistake you made when you took Mr.
Deluca to the gym, which led to his heart attack.
I t I thought you were on my side.
What are you doing? Giving you a taste of what an attorney like Melvin Goler will do to you.
The hemorrhoid guy at the hospital? Don't underestimate him.
Look, Dr.
Becker, I know you wanna fight, but you could lose.
And your insurance rates will skyrocket.
That's assuming you can get insurance in the first place.
And that's assuming that your patients would wanna go to a doctor who's been convicted of malpractice.
Don't you get it? You could lose everything.
Be smart.
Settle this case.
I can't.
Linda, remember yesterday? Yes.
Let me finish.
Remember yesterday when I was wearing my swest? Oh, yeah, I remember that.
It was really pretty.
Well, not everyone who saw it thought so.
As a matter of fact, I heard a lot of laughter.
From Dr.
Becker, patients, people on the street, passing motorists.
Really? Yes.
In this great multicultural city, that was the one thing that brought everyone together.
It occurred to me that you might be having a little fun at my expense.
Were you? No, Margaret, I wouldn't do that.
I really liked it.
Thank you, Linda.
Ooh, I almost forgot.
I brought you a present.
Oh, Margaret, you didn't have to Oh, crap.
I told Louis how much you said you liked my swest, and he was so touched that he stayed up all night, drinking and knitting.
It's just like mine, only more colorful.
Margaret, I can't accept this.
Oh, but you have to, Linda.
Louis worked so hard on it.
But the swest is something personal between you and your husband.
It wouldn't be right for me to Oh, Linda, I insist.
Try it on.
But it's so Yes? Lovely.
Well, you know, your lungs sound a lot better, Mrs.
Jordan, but I think I want to keep you on that Biaxin a few more days.
Becker? Hmm? May I ask you a personal question? Oh, Mrs.
Jordan, how many times can I tell you? I don't wanna go out with your niece again.
Oh, don't worry.
In fact, you were right about her.
Turns out she is a lesbian.
I'm not saying it's your fault, but, well, you didn't exactly help.
Oh, well, what is it? I just wanted to know what's happening.
It's all over the neighborhood how Mr.
Deluca almost died.
Well, he did not almost die.
And even if he did, he's fine now.
Oh, good.
So why is he suing you? Because he's an idiot.
You know, it's a completely frivolous lawsuit.
Believe me, I'm gonna win.
But what if you lose? I'm not gonna lose.
But what if you do? Will you have to close your practice? I can't go to another doctor.
In my whole life, I've only taken my clothes off in front of two men.
You and my husband.
Now there's only you.
Well Your husband's not dead.
Like I said, now there's only you.
Look, Mrs.
Jordan, don't Don't worry.
I'm I'm gonna be here.
John, the schedule is getting backed up.
Vernon is in 2.
He needs you to take his stitches out.
All right.
Oh, and Mrs.
Berry called.
She said that Kevin has not forgotten that you promised him ice cream when he got his tonsils out.
Oh, right, right.
I'll do that on my way home.
Oh, and Mr.
Rodriguez called.
He wants to stop by and talk to you, but he said he probably can't get here until after 6:30.
That's all right.
Tell him I'll stay.
Hey, hey, hey, kids.
Back, back.
Go on, back.
Go on, scoot.
Margaret, do me a favor, will you? See if you can get my lawyer on the phone.
No, no, no.
You think that's a bad way to die? Now how about this? You're in the woods, your pants are made of meat.
Then come the wolves.
I'll tell you the worst way to die.
Listening to the two of you talk about the worst way to die.
Okay, I got one.
You jump from a plane, your parachute doesn't open, and you land three feet from a trampoline.
Reg, coffee, please? Hey, did you talk to your lawyer yet? When are you going to court? They're working that out.
Bet you can hardly wait.
Gonna go down there and kick some butt, right? Well, actually, I've decided to Ahem, excuse me.
To settle.
How about that coffee, Reg? What did you say? I said coffee, Reg.
No, no, no.
What? Before that.
Yeah, I heard him too.
He said he was settling.
Becker, you said you were gonna I know what I said.
You know, things change.
Well, you said settling was Settling does not mean I was wrong.
It just means that both parties are willing to drop the case.
You know, hell, are just unfounded.
They're after money, that's all.
Wow, 80 percent? That seems really high.
It might be.
I just made it up.
This surprises me.
You know, I don't need you busting my ass too.
You know, I've got employees, I got patients, I got a neighborhood full of people who, believe it or not, depend on me.
You know, you gotta think about the big picture here, so just get off my back.
I was going to say I think you did the right thing.
It's the first time since I've known you that you haven't let your ego get in the way.
Thanks, I think.
Oh, hell, forget about the coffee.
I'm just gonna go back to the office.
That's it? You're going back to work? Well, what am I supposed to do? Oh, can't you enjoy anything? For God's sakes, celebrate.
You just avoided a $3 million lawsuit.
I know.
You can take me to lunch.
Why would I wanna do that? Oh, come on, Becker, there's gotta be some perk in knowing you.
All right, what the hell.
Yeah, I'll take you to lunch.
Just get your coat before I change my mind.
Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.
Does this mean the lady lawyer goes away? You've ruined Bob's life.
See, I told you settling was the right thing to do.
This is nice.
Yeah, nice.
What's your problem? You told me you were gonna take me to lunch at Tavern on the Green.
It's right over there.
We're at Tavern on the Green.
Now, nobody said anything about going inside.
Thank you.
Becker, you are such a cheap bastard.
It's good for me to get out like this, get some fresh air.
Get that whole lawsuit behind me.
You know, I gotta be honest with you.
I never thought you'd settle.
I thought you would fight it to the death.
To what end? You know, who needs the stress, the pressure? Tag, you're it.
No, I'm not.
You missed me.
Did not.
Did too.
Did not.
I got you.
Well, okay, if you say so.
No, don't take that.
He totally missed you.
You know he didn't get you.
Why would you say he did? Now fight back.
Oh, here we go.
No, no, no, this is just wrong.
You don't say you're guilty if you're not guilty.
That just sucks.
Don't you see? That's what's wrong with our whole society.
Nobody stands up for what they believe in.
You're not it.
He missed you.
He's wrong, you're right, and that's all there is to it.
Gee, mister, it's only a game.
A game? This is not a game.
This is life.
Look, I don't care how much you sue me for, I'm not gonna settle.
You may not care about the truth, but I do.
There's no way I'm saying I'm guilty when I'm not.
I'll see you two in court.