Best Friends Whenever (2015) Episode Scripts

N/A - It's Not Ye, It's Me

1 (Bell rings) I can't believe I've been hanging out with you guys all day and no one's even noticed that I don't even go to this school.
They don't care if you're here.
They just freak out when you don't show up.
57 times.
Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys! I was just talking to Mike Thompson.
And he asked for Daisy's phone number, so I gave him mine.
Gave him yours? Shelby! Sisters before misters! It's the second rule of girl code! The first rule is fries are healthier if you order them for the table.
No, I gave him mine because Daisy doesn't have a phone.
(Phone chimes) It's him! He said "uraqtjs".
What language is that? Oh, he's not a Hill Person, is he? My cousin dated a Hill Person.
Her father was not pleased.
No, it means, "U-R-A-Q-T-J-S".
It means, "You are a cutie, just sayin'".
He's flirting with you.
Text him back! I really don't think I should.
Of course you shouldn't! You've never text-flirted before.
We'll do it.
I'll send him an emoji, panda on a motorbike.
Short, to the point, says everything you need to say without meaning any of it.
He's writing back! (Phone chimes) He wants to hang out with you! He wants to hang out with me? Oh, that's too bad because I forgot I have a A harpsichord lesson.
Cyd, do you get the feeling that Daisy's hiding something? Either that or she managed to get an appointment with Portland's only harpsichord teacher.
But Mrs.
Pennyworth is booked through July.
Both: She's hiding something.
I know it sounds crazy But time doesn't faze me Ever since it lost its hold on me Hey, hey Hung out till midnight Missed the curfew, that's all right I'm back to bed and right on time, you'll see Whenever You need me I'm right there with you Whenever There's something You wanna redo The clock is ticking but not for me I'm living in a different reality Whenever Whatever Wherever I'm right there with you I'm right there with you Hey, hey Daisy, why'd you run off like that? Mike was totally into you.
Didn't you think he was cute? Oh, he was very cute.
But it doesn't matter.
I'm not actually free to date anyone.
You see, I am engaged to be married.
What? You're engaged? You can't get married! You're 15! I don't have a choice! My intended and I were promised to each other when we were very young.
I've never even met him.
That's crazy.
How do you even know if you like him? Yeah, I don't even know if I like a TV show until I've watched at least three seasons.
It doesn't matter.
That's just how it is in my time.
Well, you're not in your time.
You are a modern woman now! And in this time, we run companies, we run countries, we use sophisticated imaging software to see what a baby would look like with Cyd's hair and my eyes! Shelby? What? I never did it.
But she is beautiful and her name is Emma.
Well, I may be here, but he's still there.
It wouldn't be right to court another unless my fiance were free to do the same.
Wait.
Cyd and I can jump back to 1522 and call off your engagement! It would be the honorable thing to do.
You would do that for me? We're the only ones who can.
'Cause we don't care about breaking dudes' hearts.
Also, we're time travelers.
So how do we find this guy? Well, he frequents an inn called the Crossed Swords and has a birthmark in the shape of Italy on his arm.
Oh! Also I have this pouch.
It contains an image of him and a kerchief with his scent.
You keep a pouch of this guy's stuff with you at all times? You keep a pouch of pizza rolls on you at all times.
This isn't about me, it's about Daisy! Oh, and his name is Sebastian.
Ooh, Sebastian, that's a hot guy name.
Are you sure you want to break up with him? Shelby! Right, yes, sorry, jumping! (Harpsicord music playing) Wow.
So this is the 1500's.
It's dirtier than I thought it would be.
I really should have peed before we left.
Where do you think the bathroom is? From the smell of it, anywhere.
Come on, let's just find Sebastian.
Oi! You ain't from here! How does he know? It's our teeth, they're too clean! We have too many of them! Don't worry, I got this.
In fourth grade, I played a street urchin in Oliver.
'Ello, guv! We're just some poor orphans, we is.
Something ain't right about you two.
I don't wanna see you in my place again.
And if I do Boys, get 'em outta here.
Say something else! I don't know anything else! That was my only line! You thought you had me with your hippogryph army.
But little did you know, my dark elf was lying in wait! I destroyed you.
Again! You are the worst.
I can't believe there is no one left in the entire school who will play this game with you, Barry.
I'm having a blast.
Hey guys, Shelby and Cyd are helping me with a problem, and I need something to take my mind off of it.
Can I hang out with you? Sure, have a seat.
Renaldo and I are locked in combat as the kingdom of Barrydonia wages war against the kingdom of Steve Harvey.
We picked our own kingdom names.
You wanna play with us? I would love to! How do I play? It's incredibly complicated.
It would take far too long to explain.
The card with the better spell wins.
I'll try to keep up.
Okay, princess.
But I must warn you.
We play for keeps.
You see, these used to be Renaldo's.
I'm not very good.
Prepare to lose, Daisy.
I have the perfect strategy.
Your strategy was to lose every single hand in a series of increasingly humiliating defeats? Wow, I would have never seen that coming.
I attack with my unicorn army.
I defend with this "Other Games You Might Enjoy "from Bingaling Entertainment" card.
Daisy, you won! I can't believe you beat me! Are you sure you haven't played this game before? Never.
But we did have something similar back in my time.
It was called, "The castle is under attack!" But instead of cards, the winner got to keep their head.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing? I'm giving you your cards back.
You can't do that.
The only way I can get them back is to win them.
But I don't want your cards.
Well, I'm sorry, those are the rules.
Without rules there are no games.
And then what's left to win at, sports? I need games, Daisy.
Barry, you don't have any cards left.
How can you play Sir King's Knight Quest? We'll just have to play something else.
This looks like fun.
What do I do with it? That game.
That's the game we're gonna play.
(Groans) Cyd, I'm sorry the boys' shoes we found didn't fit you.
But we have to blend in so we can find Sebastian.
Easy for you to say.
I look ridiculous.
How does anybody wear a dress? It's like being in a giant pant leg.
Just think of it as getting into character.
I'm Sheldon, small town boy looking to make his dreams come true in the big city, only to discover that the shire chews you up and spits you out.
But I haven't found that out yet, Cyd, I've still got stars in my eyes.
My backstory is I'm a girl in a dress and I'm not happy about it.
Let's just go find Sebastian.
Oi! Wench.
Back to servin' with ye.
Oh, I'm not a wench.
I'm Sheldon.
(Lower voice) I mean, I'm Sheldon.
I wasn't talking to ye.
I was talking to the wench.
Back to work.
There's hungry knights what need serving.
First I have to wear a dress, now I've got to work? Don't worry, Cyd.
I'll find Sebastian.
It'll be easy.
Daisy gave us his picture.
What are you waiting for? Get serving.
I'm going, I'm going.
Don't get your doublet in a twist.
This is supposed to be a portrait of Sebastian? It looks terrible.
It looks like someone started to paint then immediately forgot how to paint.
On your left, Barry! Now your right! Over your head! These are the places she's attacking you! (Groans) Ha! I win.
Sword drop! No one's ever beaten me at Medieval Battle Time before.
Don't forget, she also beat you at Kingdom Stormers, Dragon Punch and Princess Party's Fancy Fancy Good Time.
You won, so I must now reluctantly hand over my Titans of Science action figures.
Thomas Edison has a kung-fu grip on Nikola Tesla's patents.
You don't deserve these.
I don't want them.
In fact, I don't want any of the things I won from you.
Well, they're yours, you won the game.
Those are the rules and the rules must be honored.
Oh, I see.
This is about honor.
Yes! But it's also about being the best and then gloating about it.
I can't do that if you just hand me my stuff back.
You have to give me the opportunity to win it back! But Barry, she's won every game we have.
We will invent a game that doesn't exist.
And she won't be able to win because we'll be making up the rules as we go along.
Oh, I like it.
We can call it Quarxnox! I'm sure we can think of a better name than Quarxnox.
It's called Quarxnox? That's an odd name.
It surprised me, too, but that's what we went with.
Here's your dumb food.
(Burps) (Laughing) (Burps) (Laughing louder) You think that was good? Check this out.
(Burps louder) (Laughing louder still) I could eat.
(Spits) Ho there, my good man.
I am also a man, and I am here to talk to you about another member of our gender, a male man.
Not a mailman, but a fellow fellow.
This is not going well, is it? Not very.
I seek a knight named Sebastian.
I need to tell him that Princess Daisy doesn't want to marry him.
Whoa.
That's some pretty juicy royal gossip.
How do you know what Princess Daisy wants? Well, she told me.
You saw the princess? Yep that's right.
She's with me now.
You expect me to believe that Princess Daisy is with you? Oh, yeah, she's with me permanently.
Couldn't send her back if I wanted to.
Ladies, right? You want to send 'em back, But who'll do the laundry? (Chuckles) I am offended by that Is what a lady would say.
But not me.
I think it's hilarious.
(Forced laughter) So if you could just point me towards Sebastian, I can deliver my message.
(Grunts) Thank you.
You're very kind.
Also a huge chauvinist.
Give it up, soft-knuckles, you got nothin'.
Please, when I defeat you, you're gonna wash my horse till it's so clean that I can see my face in it.
If you wanna see your face in a horse, just lift its tail.
Birthmark in the shape of Italy.
Cyd! That's Sebastian! What? (Crowd exclaiming) Well, it looks like I successfully pushed your hand down with my hand! Great, now I gotta wash his horse! Why are you still talking? Get scrubbing.
Wenches, right? I know, they are the worst! I'm sorry, Cyd, I love you! As determined by the Quarxnox Wheel Of Random Events, Daisy has been banished to the Island of Giant Cats.
Well, the last three hours have been fun, but obviously I've lost.
Now you can have your things back.
I could have had them back, but you just stepped on the bonus button.
You doubled your points! I'm gonna have to do a lot of somersaults to catch up with you now.
Naldo, I have a confession to make.
I am not enjoying Quarxnox.
Then just let Barry win.
I've been trying! But the rules of this game are baffling.
Oh, I think I know why.
It's because we've been making them up as we go along.
Then why isn't Barry winning? He's too proud to not follow his own crazy rules.
I just want this game to be over so I can leave.
Don't worry, I'll help you.
Follow my lead.
What's this? A text from the Volcano King.
Any player whose name begins with a "B" gets 10,000 points.
(Gasps) But that would mean that that player would win.
Barry, your name starts with "B", doesn't it, Barry? If only it did! But Barry is simply an English form of the Gaelic Bareth, which is short for Funevar.
I can't believe it.
Don't blame yourself, Daisy.
I had no idea that Barry started with an "F" either.
Most people don't realize that strength actually comes from muscles.
Yes.
That's why I like to have so many of them.
Great stuff, great stuff.
Listen, Sebastian, I have a message to deliver to you.
From Princess Daisy.
My betrothed? What does she say? I don't know how to say this.
She doesn't want to be engaged to you anymore.
How do I know that you speak the truth? She gave me these.
(Gasps) My portrait! And my pit rag.
Well, I regret to inform you, tiny man, that Daisy will be my wife and she has no choice in the matter.
She doesn't want to marry you! Well, I didn't want a perfect chin, but here we are.
Daisy has to marry me.
Unless, of course, the princess is with another bloke.
Well, yes, obviously, if there was another, then I would have no choice but to release Daisy from our engagement.
But he would have to come here and declare himself.
Unless, of course, he was already here.
Him? Me? You said Daisy was with you! Well, yeah, she's with me.
But I didn't mean like If that is the case, then I will have to end my engagement.
Then that is totally the case.
Daisy is with me.
That's the case I'm talkin' about.
So it is settled.
All right, I washed your stupid horse.
But I'm keeping the change I found under the saddle.
You have declared yourself.
Now you and I will fight for Daisy's hand in marriage.
To the death! To the death? To the death? What did I miss? I'll tell you what you missed, table four needs waters.
(Crowd cheering) Look, Sebastian, we don't need to fight to the death over some girl.
Okay, we can settle this like men.
We are settling it like men.
By fighting to the death.
Good luck.
He's never lost.
Uh, Cyd? It's jumpy time.
I'm trying! I can't get through.
I'm going to separate the top of you from the bottom of you.
Stop running and face me, you coward! You know who wouldn't like this? Princess Daisy.
We should stop.
We can stop when you're dead.
I changed my mind, let's not stop! What are you doing, wench? You know we charge double during sword fights.
Nothing makes a man want to eat our ribs like watching someone else get jabbed in his.
Back to work! I quit! Oww! There goes me last toenail! Get back here! I timed that wrong.
See, I thought you were gonna swing it and I was gonna jump over it Oh, you're gonna do it now? Okay.
See that's what I was gonna do before.
(Chuckling) Daisy is mine! Cyd? Daisy doesn't belong to anyone! This doesn't involve you! You attack my friend, you attack me.
Let's do this! (Cackling) Well, it looks like I successfully beat your sword with my sword.
End your engagement to Princess Daisy and I'll spare your life.
Fine.
You win.
(Crowd cheering) Wow, Cyd, I didn't know you could do that! Me neither! It's amazing what you can do when you don't want to die and you're holding a sword.
This isn't over, wench! Shelbs, you saved me, that was so cool! What can I say? I live the mug life.
And now it's not cool.
You are your own worst enemy.
Maybe we could have avoided all this if we'd just told Sebastian the truth.
What? That Daisy was being locked in a tower and then a time rift opened and she time traveled to the year 2016? Yeah, he'd never believe that.
I guess this was the only way.
Come on, let's jump back and tell Daisy she never has to worry about this jerk again.
I'm losing ten points every second I'm in the penalty rug! If I don't get out soon, Daisy's gonna win for sure! Why'd he roll himself into the rug? I don't know.
I don't even know when it started being the penalty rug and stopped being the cocoon of silence! What am I going to do? I don't want any of his possessions, but he won't take them back unless he wins.
Let me talk to him.
(Groaning) Barry, I thought the plan was to make up the rules so you could beat Daisy.
You're playing like you don't want to win.
Is it that obvious? Is what that obvious? As usual, Renaldo, you can see right through me.
Yes, at first it was just about winning my stuff back.
But somewhere between the video games and Quarxnox, it stopped being about that.
I just didn't want Daisy to leave.
I really like hanging out with her.
Is that crazy? Actually, it's the first not-crazy thing you've done today.
I suppose this game has gotten a little out of hand.
Renaldo, release me from the penalty rug.
Daisy, there's something I want to say to you.
There's something I want to say to you, too.
You're standing on the bonus button! Double points.
Game over.
You win! For the love of Quarxnox, it's finally over! Your stuff is yours again, congratulations.
Good news, Daisy! We ended your engagement! Whoa! You're engaged? Not anymore! Sebastian's status went from "In a Relationship" to "'Tis Complicated".
You guys are the best! Thank you so much.
Now you can text Mike back.
Come on! Let's go see if he wants to hang out! Oh, wait, Barry.
What was it you wanted to tell me? Uh Nothing.
It was nothing.
Okay, well, see ya.
You okay? Yeah.
Absolutely.
Sometimes in the heat of Quarxnox, feelings emerge that, upon second thought, prove best not pursued.
You thinking what I'm thinking? Another game of Sir King's Knight Quest? Yep.
Also, you like Daisy.
Daisy, Mike clearly isn't the guy for you.
He texted "heart sombrero birthday cake"! Gross.
I'm just gonna text him turkey leg and end this.
I can't thank you enough for breaking up with Sebastian for me.
He sounds like a real jerk.
Oh, and sorry about the whole fight-to-the-death thing.
Probably should have mentioned that little custom of ours.
A little heads up would have been nice.
But the important thing is you don't have to worry about Sebastian anymore.
Daisy? Where is she? I know you are hiding the princess in this tower.
She belongs to me, and I will not rest until I find her!