Bizaardvark (2016) Episode Scripts

N/A - Pretty-Con

1 Paige, hurry up.
You promised me we'd be out of here before Pretty-Con takes over Vuuugle.
Hang on.
Which shot do you think works better to end our Bad Hair Day video? Eeny, meeny, miny, who cares! Let's go.
Why are you so freaked out by a convention of beauty gurus? Because it's a convention of beauty gurus.
Can you imagine a thousand Amelias in the same room? You look beautiful today, Amelia.
Not as beautiful as you, Amelia.
Perfectly perfect smile time! The girls at Pretty-Con aren't normal girls.
They're wolverines in lip gloss who sound like, "It's totally happening! Sooo crazy! Aaahhhhh!" Aaahhhhh! This is so crazy, but it's totally happening! Nice.
My assistant Angelo quit! He left me to go finish med school so he could volunteer in countries with no doctors.
Both: Aww, that's so Selfish! I know! Pretty-Con is the biggest weekend of the year for me.
The audience votes for Best Beauty Channel and the winner gets the Golden Powder Puff.
That sounds delicious.
It's not a cereal.
It should be.
It's a huge award.
I've won it three years in a row.
But if I want a fourth, I need a support team.
Oh, no, she's looking at us.
Run, Paige, run! I don't know, going to Pretty-Con could be fun.
Aagh! Who's the special guest this year? Meredith Foster.
Aahhhh! I'm a total Mere Bear! I mean, who's Melissa Ferminster? You help me, I'll play your video when I give my acceptance speech.
Millions of people watch the live feed of Pretty-Con on the Vuuugle home page.
Agh, fine, I'll do it.
But only if Paige agrees.
I don't know Oh, this is so crazy, but it's totally happening! Both: You could spend all day On a swing eating a baguette But why do boring things like that When there's the Internet? Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! - Let's go make some videos - Hey! You could watch Dirk doing crazy dares - Saying, "Here we go" - Here we go! He'll do anything you want Just don't try this at home Or watch Amelia teaching ya How to look your best Making over people is her never-ending quest You could watch Do you have constant foot odor? You could watch us make ridiculously funny videos Like the one with evil pop-up books That punch you in the nose Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! Let's go make some videos And I I missed it.
I like to keep things low-key when I arrive at Pretty-Con.
Dreams do come true, people! Amelia's finally here! Ugh, can you believe they turned the Vuuugle lounge into The greatest place I've ever seen! Sorry, Frankie, but I'm doin' Pretty-Con, and I am doin' it hard! Hey! Don't you dare make me smell good! No need to waste that on her! Douse me, baby! My booth's always over here in the VIP section, right next to the stage.
That's strange.
They decorated my booth with a giant butterfly.
And used the wrong picture.
And set up another booth over there with "Amelia" on it.
This must be an incredible series of mistakes.
Meredith Foster, I've seen every one of your videos! I am a huge Mere Bear! Thanks Oh! Wow, you hug like a regular bear! Don't let her elbows lock.
You'll never get her off.
- Meredith! - Amelia! (camera shutters click) Hi, everybody! Welcome to my booth! Have a glittericious day! What's goin' on? How did that little girl get the best booth at the Con? Oh, you don't know Didi? She's the new up-and-coming beauty guru.
People are calling her "The Next Amelia.
" Why do we need a "Next Amelia" when there's already a "Me Amelia"? Hi, I'm a fan who's never met you before.
How about a hug? Ah, her elbows are locked.
Can't help you, Meredith Foster.
Whoa! A cannon? A table of meat? A pool full of melons? This is like everything I asked for for Christmas but didn't get! You know? 'Cause I'm Jewish? Just settin' up for Dude-Con, the most manly event in the world.
Others: Yeah.
I do it every year during Pretty-Con to keep the universe balanced.
Hey, I'm Sweaty Phil.
They call me that because I don't sweat the small stuff.
(laughs) Also, because I have an uncontrollable perspiration problem.
Dude-Con sounds awesome.
Count me in! - (laughter) - Sorry, Bern, Dude-Con is an exclusive event for Master Dareheads, my most dedicated and hardcore fans.
So how do I get in? Becoming a Master Darehead requires undergoing an intense physical initiation.
The challenges could be anything.
Like wrestling a cactus.
Here we go! One two three! (cheering) So you think you're up for the initiation? Oh, I'm up for it.
You're mine, cactus! Here we go! One two three! (cheering) Cactus! The key to any good reverse fishtail braid is to make sure each section is pulled tight! Can you think of anything more boring than watching somebody braid hair? She just saved me seven hours a day! I gotta look at something else.
Hey, this Didi girl has half a million subscribers.
Let me see! Oof! Hey, guys! It's Didi.
Today, I'm gonna do my sparkle lip tutorial.
Good thing I've got my lucky butterfly palette! Why, hi there, Butterfly! You're so pretty.
She likes it when I compliment her.
Okay.
So first step, we need to apply some clear lip gloss.
I like to use my finger, but you can use your toe! Whatever makes you happy! So unprofessional! Yeah, seriously.
Amelia! I can't believe we're doing Pretty-Con together.
I'm such a big Ameliac.
Aww.
You're so cute.
Okay, bye! Have a glittericious day! That monster's out to get me! That little girl who just said "glittericious"? And skipped away blowing air kisses? Amelia, just focus on the braid.
You got this.
(sighs) You're right.
Oh, just one little hair out of place.
Hey, everybody, I'm doing a hair extension tutorial at my booth! I've got pink! My fans! Where are they goin'? (screaming) Don't scream at me.
It's Didi's fault.
We gotta take her down.
Right, girls? Mm-hmm.
What? She has pink! Amelia, don't you want to pay attention to your fans? They all want selfies.
Look at her.
She is pure evil.
Make your life glitter! That girl will not rest until she steals my votes for the Golden Powder Puff! I'm voting for you right now, Amelia! We need a plan.
If Amelia keeps alienating her fans, they won't vote for her, she won't win, and we won't be able to show our Bad Hair Day video.
Okay.
I'll stay here and do damage control with Amelia.
You go out there and drum up votes for her.
Out there? Into the pretty? Or I could go out there and you could stay here with Amelia.
I will not lose to you! Into the pretty it is.
If I'm not back in 30 minutes it's because I went home to watch TV.
All: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! (cheering) Way to go, Bern-man! You completed your first Master Darehead challenge: eating spaghetti and meatballs outta Sweaty Phil's boot! At least the mushrooms added flavor.
There aren't any mushrooms in this sauce.
(gags) Believe it or not, I have a hot girlfriend.
Okay, next test.
To be a Master Darehead, you must be able to identify your fellow Dareheads by smell.
Oh, please don't make me smell everybody's armpit! No.
That would be disgusting.
You'll be identifying them by the stench of their belches.
Ex excuse me? For every one you get wrong, you'll get hit with a giant sub.
Of course I do.
Assume belch positions! Dareheads, three, two, belch! (belching) In order: Big Stu, T-Bone, Sweaty Phil, Hairy Mike, Tommy Stitches and Jeff.
Wow, Bernie you got every one of those wrong.
And you made up all but one of those names.
I had tilapia for breakfast.
Don't worry, Bern.
You get 10 more times.
Just hit me with the sandwich.
Excellent choice.
(cheers and laughter) Keep it together, Wong.
They can't smell your fear over all that perfume.
Be perfectly perfect, vote for Amelia! A vote for Amelia is a vote for Amelia! No.
No, no, no Stay back! Stay back! No, don't! Don't! Don't! Don't! Don't ever stop! Hi, Amelia! Me and my lucky butterfly palette are having so much fun doing Pretty-Con with you! That girl will not stop yellin' at me! How long do you think she's gonna keep up that whole "I'm nine" gimmick? I don't know, probably 'til she's 10? Attention, Pretty-Conners! Last call to cast your vote for the Golden Powder Puff Award.
Uh, also, will the owner of the sparkling purple bicycle with the unicorn horn please move? You're blocking the dumpster.
- Frankie? - No, I'm not Frankie anymore.
I'm Beautiful Frankie now! Look at all these free samples I got! Get your own! Okay, Pretty-Conners, your votes have been counted, and the winner of the Golden Powder Puff is Whatever the result, I will handle it with my patented grace and poise.
Perfect Perfection with Amelia! - Yeah! - (cheers and applause) How does that taste? Glittericious? What is this? It looks like we have a tie! The co-winner is Glittery Butterfly with Didi! (cheers and applause) No! Yay! Now I get to share with my hero! Amelia, this is good! You won! Yeah, now you can show our Bad Hair Day video.
Do I have time for a really quick avocado mask before you cue it up? We cannot share a trophy.
We need a tiebreaker.
Didi! I challenge you to a Pretty-Off! (gasping) Do you know what that is? Apparently, it's a really big deal, so maybe we should gasp, too.
(both gasp) I volunteered us to be the Pretty-Off MCs.
What? Why? They promised 10 free mani-pedis! - Oh, that actually sounds - I get eight, you get two.
Ladies and that guy! Very brave, sir.
It's time for a Both: Prrrretty-Off! (cheers and applause) In the Misty Blue corner, our three-time reigning champ, the "Queen of Gleam," the "Sheik on Fleek," and 24 other nicknames she wrote on her intro card, Amelia! (cheers and applause) And in the Suddenly Strawberry corner, the little girl who never asked for any of this, Didi! (cheers and applause) Tonight's category will be "Biggest Beauty Transformation in Five Minutes.
" - Good luck, Didi.
- You too, Amelia! Both: And makeover! (bell dings) You're probably wondering why we're standing around in beekeeper outfits in front of a football goal post.
At this point, I've really stopped asking questions.
To become a Master Darehead requires courage.
Sweaty Phil, set the beehive! To enter into the covenant of Master Dareheads, you must pass the final test: kick a field goal through that goalpost with that beehive.
Nothin' like a fake beehive to test someone's courage.
Nice work on the hive, by the way.
It looks really real.
Hey, thanks, Dirk.
That's because it is.
(yells) Nooooo! (bees buzzing) Beehive eruption! Dareheads, retreat! It's a heated battle between these two gurus.
You can see the shine on their foreheads.
But not on mine, because I properly blotted my T-zone with oil-absorbing sheets.
Ooh, Amelia with some impressive eyeliner work.
Oh, but Didi pulls ahead.
I think it's really hard to tell who's winning this thing! (Dareheads yelling) Hey, guys! How's Pretty-Con going? We're running from bees.
And it appears a rogue squad of beekeepers have run in and caused some damage.
But the Pretty-Up will continue, because in the world of makeup, that stuff happens.
My lucky butterfly palette is broken.
I've never done a makeover without it.
Um Amelia? Don't you think it might be time to end this? You're right.
With only two minutes left, this is my chance to crush her! That poor little girl! Yeah.
Didi looks really sad.
Huh? Oh, no, I was thinking of Amelia's future daughter.
I just wish there was someone who could talk some sense into her.
I got this.
Amelia, you don't need to do this.
Yes, I do.
I can't let that little girl take my place.
I felt just as scared as you a few years ago when another cute little girl came on the scene who I was sure was gonna take my place.
You're talkin' about me, right? How cute was I, scale of one to ten? What I'm saying is, beauty gurus shouldn't be competing with each other, we should be supporting each other to make the world a prettier place.
You're right.
But seriously, how cute was I? Cuter than her, right? Thanks, Meredith.
Come on.
Let's go finish your makeover.
But my makeup's all broken.
Then let's use mine.
Yay! I get to use Amelia's makeup! Frankie: I can't believe my eyes, folks! Seriously, they look gorgeous! Paige: And since only one model is completed, the winner is I can only assume, 'cause I'm still not clear on the rules Didi! (cheers and applause) Congratulations, Didi.
Amelia, wait.
I want you to have this.
I got into making beauty videos because of Perfect Perfection.
Just being on stage with you makes me feel like a winner.
Aww! I still don't trust her.
Wow.
Thank you, everyone.
And now for something I promised to do for two dear friends of mine.
Zoe, Kiki, let's take those selfies.
What? What about our video? Oh.
Right.
Also here's Bad Hair Day from my friends, Bizaardvark and Frankie.
Seriously? (western music playing) When you woke up this mornin' And you saw your hair was fried You washed it, combed it Curled it, but it still looked like Einstein You tried to show your head who's boss, you tried to have your way But there was voodoo in your hairdo It's gonna be a bad hair day.
Bad hair day You warned the kids at school That they should run right out of sight 'Cause your bad hair was angry And was lookin' for a fight It stole a watch, it stole some cash And this kid's fish fillet Then you saw flashin' sirens I'vin' a bad hair day? Bad hair day Bad hair, bad hair Pushed a cop down the stairs They locked your hair away Hey, do I get a phone call? It's been a bad hair day Bad hair day Your hair got sent to trial but your lawyer didn't care The judge made his decision - He said - Send her to the chair! Time to clip those outlaw strands and finally make 'em pay 'Cause today, there's no escaping Hair: (muffled) I'm having a bad hair day.
A bad hair day Bad hair, bad hair Change of heart, sayin' prayers It might sound quite cliche But it's the legend of the bad hair day (whip cracks) (applause) Bern-man? What happened to the bees? After you guys ran, I used a bee smoker to herd 'em back into the hive.
Trick I learned from my grandma.
She's an amateur beekeeper.
You spend time with your grandma? That's cool.
To be honest, Phil, it's a bit of a roller coaster relationship.
Bernie, you stayed and solved a problem that all of us were too scared to face.
You clearly have the true traits of a Master Darehead: extreme courage and mild to severe stupidity! You've earned your Master Darehead crash helmet! I'll grow into it.
You are now welcome at every Dude-Con from this minute forward.
(cheering) Whoa! Thanks! I'll be honest, this feels right.
So what do we do now, smash melons, shoot stuff out of the cannon? No, man.
Pretty-Con's out there.
We go talk to girls.
Dareheads: Yeah! I hear Meredith Foster's doing an eyebrow-shaping tutorial.
Good.
My brows are a hot mess.