Brad Neely's Harg Nallin' Sclopio Peepio (2016) Episode Scripts

N/A - For Johansson

1 [ Hip-hop playing ] There are just so many of them! Your highness, give young Fluvia a chance.
He's our only hope.
I promised his father that I would keep him from danger.
We're all in danger of this enemy.
We can't leave our culture to be manhandled by these animals! Can you imagine your daughter's legs wrapped around one of them? They're three times our size! I still think we could talk.
There is no reasoning with them! [ Sighs ] Bring me young Fluvia.
Your highness.
Can you save us? Save our people? I believe I can.
Then Godspeed.
Godspeed! Open the gates! MAN: Open the gates! [ Yelling ] [ Horse neighs ] [ Yelling continues ] [ Cheering ] [ Yells ] Yes! Take that, villain! [ Yelling ] [ Horse neighs ] [ Cheering ] This didn't feel wrong! Cool, yeah, I'll draw up the contracts.
Talk soon, bye.
Bob! Let me just jump right in.
I firmly believe you should move now on this offer.
The market is right, and your portfolio is tailor made for it.
Oh, so you're getting a good vibe, then, huh? [ Chuckles ] What the [bleep] is that supposed to mean, Bob, you piece of shit! Kitty in a window Kitty in a close-up Kitty in a mother jar Kitty in a window Kitty in a close-up Kitty in a mother jar If anybody comes to take my kitty cat away Mother gonna have some hell to pay Kitty in a window, kitty in a close-up Kitty in a mother jarrrr [ Tooting ] [ Laughing ] [ Tooting ] Whatever.
[ Plays tune ] Morphers They're totally awesome Once upon a time Their bodies got changed Morphers So now they can turn into anything So long as they take off their clothes Morphers They'll stretch out their bodies Become a table Yes, they are spies Morphers Don't anybody look yet Hold on a second This takes some time Morphers Okay, we're ready I bet you didn't think this lamp was a boy Morphers MAN: You know I always see Taylor Swift as, like, you know, the embodiment of the missing testament of Nostradamus.
You know, like, she's that one other horseman of the apocalypse, and she is [bleep] here.
And she is running around with a smile on her face, but her eyes, oh, her eyes are telling us it's over.
And she's got the only space ship that is gonna get out of here in time, you know, because she's, like, all of these new mansions up on Mars, and she's only got a couple of beds.
And she's testing all of us out to see which of us is gonna go on her Martian sleep-over.
You still got those [bleep] steaks? [ Applause ] Now, I, Alfred Barnabas Thruster, give to you the iJet.
Yeah Barnabas Thruster [ Grunting ] Yeah Barnabas Thruster WOMAN: Let me tell you about the top kids in school Bobert, Butty, Dog Dog, Trimp, Gank, Pince, Coughie, Drutherson, and Fragonard.
What the [bleep] did I buy? Hmm, well, ha ha! Let's see what was so [bleep] damned important that I bought.
Oh, cool! A Cincinnati Reds jump suit.
[Bleep] me! Oh, great! Seems I bought a leather [bleep] potholder! I feel important and medieval! [Bleep] such fiscal responsibility! Ahh! What else? Yes, yes.
Yes, ah, look! A scarf for my neck! I live in the [bleep] desert! What else? Sorry.
Oh, bravo! Check this out, nobody.
A sweet little dart board endorsed by Toby [bleep] Keith! [ Crash! ] Nailed it! Ha ha! And looks like I bought some extra important teeth whiteners.
Who is gonna care?! I think Jaws will really do great things in the last quarter of his second term.
I mean, the powers that be never let you really do anything in your first term.
Even Jaws had a bad first term.
You gotta earn that second term.
Then who gives a [bleep] right? I see a Democrat Republican I see a Democrat Republican I see a Democrat Republican I see a Democrat I see Republican [ Screams ] Democrat Republican I see a Democrat Republican I see a Democrat Republican Oh, ah ah, Democrat Republican [ Screams ] [ Panting ] If we do have a kid, you have to get your shit together, Peter.
I'm talking body-wise.
Hey, guys, I got doughnuts! Your pink box Your pink box Trying to lose weight Your pink box Your pink box Trying to lose weight Your pink box Your pink box You really [bleep] up, Peirton.
Get your shit out of here.
Once upon a time, there was a prince.
Hello, I'm a rich prince, full of coins.
And, uh, this prince had it so bad for this super hot painting of his aunt when she was in pre-queen college, because when he looked at it, the painted sounded like this.
MAN: Oh, so hot.
But, yeah, the family thing was a problem.
Plus, now, the aunt was old and like I eat as many pears as possible in a day.
Ha ha ha ha.
So the prince stole the painting and took it to Paris, where everyone was like, "We eat frogs and are also into paintings.
" Mmm, mwah, mwah, mwah.
Mmm, mwah, mwah, mwah.
Damn it, Cecil! I thought it told you to quit telling yourself sick-ass stories in the bathroom! [ Laughing ] Whoo Put your TV on Get that Big Bang on You know it reruns every night and all day Watch Big Bang again Watch Big Bang again It isn't like the world is dying today You gotta suck that TV set Suck all of that TV tonight And the night after that And the night after that and the night after that Suck that TV set All of that TV tonight Ha.
[ Laughs ] I know, dude.
I love to be happy.
I just I don't know.
I I love to be happy.
Oh, good.
I never liked that son of a bitch anyway.
It's like my daddy used to say, "Girl, if I catch you going around quoting me, I'm gonna tear that ass up!" [ Mid-tempo music plays ] We're gonna talk about this hole We're gonna talk about that hole We're gonna talk about this hole Talk about mine We're gonna talk about that hole [ Yelling and gavel banging ] [ Horse whinnies ] [ Tarzan yell ] [ Hip-hop playing ] Bye-bye.