Celebrity Juice (2008) s14e12 Episode Script

Hi, I'm Keith Lemon and these are my titles - plush or what? There's Holly Willoughbooby coming out of a giant clam.
Still got them bangers, boy! There's Fearne Cotton with a bow and arrow.
Careful, that nearly went inside me! There's Gino D'Acampo with a tiny willy.
We're all in heaven but we're not dead.
It's just a metaphor for how great this show is.
We're still here to make the best telly show on t'telly.
What is that? Celebrity Juice.
On t'telly.
HD-ready.
Hi, I'm Keith Lemon.
Check this.
When this series finished, I took Holly and Fearne on a cruise so we could have a massive piss-up.
Unfortunately, Arg was the captain of the ship and got us lost, the dingbat! We went through a Bermuda Triangle vortex-type situation but luckily we were all having a group shit in a lead-lined toilet at the time, so we didn't get Benjamin Buttoned.
We came out we find ourselves stranded on the same island I was on earlier in the series when we did Honey, I Benjamin Buttoned The celebrities.
Weird.
What?! Wow.
How the flip did we end up on the same island that we did Honey, I Benjamin Buttoned The Celebrities? In the VTs we did for Celebrity Juice 2015, which is this year.
I think that happened when you decided Arg would drive the Yeah, I did decide that, yeah.
I can't believe that we played that drinking game, where he had to drink while he was thinking and he downed 12 pints trying to remember his real name.
/fo I can't believe I challenged him to that game, cos I've never heard of it, but I did challenge him, but even more, he couldn't remember his real name is Argentina.
You just think of the song, That Madonna did a mix of.
So, I guess whilst we're here, we should do the links for the best bits of Celebrity Juice 2015.
Yes.
Let's do that.
Maybe this is a nudist beach.
Shall we get our cocks out? Er, why don't you just run VT? Why don't you pop a wide one out? Or we just play the first clip.
Let's play the first clip of the best bits of Celebrity Juice 2015.
What does VT stand for? Video Tape.
Correct.
You did a cover of one of my favourite songs.
Which one? We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off To Have A Good Time.
Oh, yeah.
Here it is.
# We don't have to take your clothes off (LAUGHTER)/fon (CUTS MUSIC) Holly, you look so confused.
I know.
What's the matter? It's a great song to make love to and she's ruined it by making it all slow.
No, I made it slightly more to make love to.
Oh, yeah! So put that song on.
Put Ella Aires on again.
(SONG PLAYS / LAUGHTER) Stop.
(MUSIC CUTS) Now put Jermaine Stewart's on.
# We don't have to take our clothes off # To have a good time, oh, no (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) (MUSIC CUTS) Oh, my God! Is it true that she's had some knickers made up that say "Stephen's Mrs" on the front? I haven't seen them.
Is a dry time? (LAUGHTER) It has been a while.
Yeah, has it? Holly, you recently had some knickers made up as well.
With someone's name on.
We've got a picture.
There you are.
# JACKSON 5: ABC "Keith's Mrs!" (LAUGHTER) Yeah.
Fearne's also had some knickers made up as well.
(GROANS) Let's have a look at this.
Hey! (LAUGHTER) I didn't know you were Jewish! (LAUGHTER) # PUMPING HOUSE MUSIC See if you can look sexy.
The tallest skyscraper in the world.
Get on all fours on t'bed.
(LAUGHTER) That's it.
Remember, you've got to shake the phone.
Do what? Oh, yeah.
On all fours, on all fours, on all fours.
On all fours.
On all fours.
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) Come on, come on.
So I wonder how long before you two get hungry and start eating each other out.
Not hungry at all right now.
Out of interest, how did you manage to escape of this island? Well, out of interest, Holly, I got a rubber dinghy and I just sailed away.
So you found a rubber dinghy on a deserted island, did you? And if you're not going to go with it, Fearne, you might as well just leave.
This is a really good concept for links for the best-of show.
Just go home to your black bedroom and listen to your Black Sabbath.
What about the childhood celebrities that were left here? Eh What about Eminem and Katy Perry? It was a small one-man dinghy.
That's going to be awkward if you see them again.
They'll be all right as long as they don't run into that polar bear, but it won't have happened.
Huh?! I can't believe you just left us.
I'm sorry.
I can't believe you left us.
So I guess you've been writing some songs, then, Prince, yeah? Yeah, I'm too tired to write songs right now.
You've ruined his career.
He sings all t'time, normally.
And I've been relaxing.
Well, I've given you a holiday.
You were always busy, weren't you? Shall we just play the clip? That's what you normally do it, font color="#ffff0 Yeah, yeah, that'd be a good idea.
Why don't you let them say "Run VT"? Would you like to sing "Run VT"? # Run VT! Ow! Very good.
Yeah.
Just as Prince said, run VT.
I'm into that.
(MUMBLING "MOULES FRITES") Moules frites.
Moules frites.
Moules frites.
Garlic.
(LAUGHTER) (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) (MUMBLING "THE MONA LISA") The Mona Lisa.
TheTheMona Lisa.
(LAUGHTER) (MUMBLING "LA JOCONDE") (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) Rich, you're so tall, aren't you? I am tall, yeah.
I'm about 6'2".
Yeah.
So (LAUGHTER) How tall are you? 6'7".
Stick that on your head.
One of these "Pro-Go" things.
All right.
And then I want to just see the world through Richard Osman's eyes.
So you stand up now.
Wow.
Can you hear me? Rich? You know, like, about, I'd say three months ago when I lent you my lucky comb? Can I have my lucky comb back, please? (LONG WHISTLING DROP) (LAUGHTER) Thanks, Rich.
I lent him a comb about two months ago and he kept it.
A comb! Buy your own.
What about my High School Musical DVD? (LONGER WHISTLING DROP) (LAUGHTER) Thanks! (APPLAUSE) Lent him it ages ago.
I'm going to transport your head onto a different celebrity's body now.
(MAKES UP MAGIC WORD) Aw! Oh! (LAUGHTER) Who is it? What are you doing? Oh, darling.
That's brilliant! What is it? Oh, my Jesus Christ! Am I male? We don't really know yet.
Yes or no.
No.
Female? Maybe.
You don't know whether I'm male or female? No.
Do I work in television? You might do.
(LAUGHTER) Gok, obviously, it's something controversial.
You are fucking rude.
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) (BUZZER) I'm a really serious fashion journalist, you bastard.
/font As we all know, Gina D'Acampo doesn't have a middle name.
All you have to do is let us give you one via deed poll.
(LAUGHTER) We have a lawyer over here.
With the actual documentation to give you a middle name.
All you have to do Do it, Gino.
Gino, you have to.
.
.
is to take a middle name for 64,000 points.
And here are your options for your middle name.
Will your middle name be: A, Gennaro Keith D'Acampo? B, Gennaro Juice D'Acampo? Or C, Gennaro Sheffield D'Acampo? What am I going to say to my mum, fucking Gennaro Keith fucking D'Acampo?! (LAUGHTER) It might not be Keith.
You're not going to decide.
Well, Sheffield is even worse! The audience will decide.
(CHEERING) For 64,000 points, will Gino's middle name, via deed poll, be Keith? Cheer.
(WOMAN CHEERS) Will it be Juice? (CHEERING) Or will it be Sheffield? (LOUDER CHEERING) It's sounding to me like Sheffield.
(CHEERING) 'Ey! Let's lock it in! Can we have the paperwork? (LAUGHTER) Deed poll.
Change of name.
Gennaro D'Acampo.
Now Gennaro Sheffield D'Acampo.
(LAUGHTER) AUDIENCE CHANTING: Sign it! Sign it! Go on, Gino.
(CHEERING) There you go.
HOLLY: Amazing.
Gennaro Sheffield D'Acampo! (CHEERING) Coming up after t'break: (BELCHES) So Harry erm, I'm sorry I didn't take you with me but if I could have taken anyone, I would have taken you.
I believe you.
A bit grumpy, aren't you? Yeah.
Mm.
So how's it been here on the island? Bad.
Bad? Bad.
A lot's changed, you know? You've heard about Zayn, haven't you? You have? What happened? I don't know.
Course you don't.
You've been stuck here.
He left the band.
Can you believe that? Yeah.
Why? Was there friction? I don't know.
You can't remember.
Have you gone mad while you've been here? Yeah.
Weather, the sun beating down.
Caveman.
You've turned into a caveman? Yeah? Good.
ErmI'll tell you what else has happened.
You know Caroline Flack? She got the gig on X Factor with Olly Murs.
She's presenting now.
I don't believe you.
She's good.
You know, holds a mic and talks.
We had her on the show talking about her book.
You can't watch it but you can link to it.
Do you want to link to it? You've got to say "Run VT".
Run VT.
Don't say it to me.
I'm not the viewer.
Say it to the camera.
Run VT.
Not that one.
That one over there.
I didn't know which one either.
Run VT.
There, he's done it.
Well done.
Caroline, I don't know what your book is about, but I have come up with some ideas for your book.
Oh, God! The first book I've entitled 'Flack, Sack and Crack: The Painful Truth.
' (LAUGHTER) That's so bad.
The second one, 'My Time In Iraq With Lee Mack And Jack Black'.
(LAUGHTER) My favourite, though It's a bit of a rom-com.
Oh, no.
It's called 'The Flack Hole'.
(LAUGHTER) It's for kids, it's one of those scratch-and-sniff books.
It's interactive.
You can get involved.
(LAUGHTER) Jimmy, you will have the first dish, yeah? Are you sure? Is this a glory hole? Have you got a square cock? (LAUGHTER) I get so lonely at times.
There's your first dish.
Don't say what it is.
Do I get a point for Mother Russia if I guess this? Fucking hell! Jimmy? We have careers.
(LAUGHTER) Well, we're here, so Breathe on him.
(CACKLES) Vladimir? It just smelt of professional desperation.
(LAUGHTER) This is so ridiculous I've forgotten what I'm fucking wearing.
What you saying? Am I right to say there's onions in there? (LAUGHTER) No.
Is it some kind of sausage? It smells like a yeasty black pudding.
Don't say yeasty black pudding.
If you're going to say Fearne's minge, say it.
(LAUGHTER AND GROANING) Vladimir, what you going for? I'm going for dead partridge.
A dead partridge? No, you were close with sausage.
It's the sausage of the sea.
It's the crabstick.
Fucking hell! You couldn't smell a thing! (LAUGHTER) You must have the digestive powers of a pike.
(LAUGHTER) General election or general erection? I'm going to go That can't be someone's teeth in the p (LAUGHTER) That couldn't be someone's teeth in the public eye! Imagine a president doing a speech, you look at his teeth and think font color=" I think that's got to be a porn star.
I think because Joey Essex thinks it's a porn star I'm going to go font color="# Let's have a look.
Yeah, you're right.
That was really good logic.
I'm going to stick with that.
Emma Willis, general election or general erection? Oh.
Them eyelids have got a foreskin.
(LAUGHTER) I'm going to go erection, I think.
General erection.
Yeah.
Let's have a look.
I hope it is.
(BUZZER) Tony Blair.
If you pull wider, he still looks like he could have a general erection.
"Hmmm, I like that.
" (LAUGHTER) Chris, we're going to give you one more.
Fantastic.
Erection or election? Oooh.
I'm going to go with election.
Election.
Let's have a look.
(BUZZER) Oh! You're half-right.
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) Here's Jesus Christ, Jimmy, I think you're a demigod! Don't say what it is.
It's a guessing game.
Don't tell what it is.
Put it in your mouth, then! I am, but I'm going to eat it and then flick the back of my jugular and throw up a bit just to disguise it.
AUDIENCE: Urgh! Oh, Jesus! I can just hear him going (SMACKS TONGUE) Yeah? No.
(LAUGHTER) AUDIENCE: Urgh! (GAGS) Here we go, here we go.
(APPLAUSE) (BELCHES) What is it, Jimmy? Crisps? (BUZZER) Pork scratchings.
I did not get that at all.
I thought that was just the smell of Johnny.
Here she is, June Sarpong, everyone.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE / FANFARE BEGINS AND THEN CUTS OUT) Where do I sign? OK.
This better not be Daniel Bedingfield in here and we'll have to send him back.
There you go.
Thank you, sir.
Cheers.
Look at him, he's one of t'production team trying to act.
(LAUGHTER) Right then, right then.
This is a lifelong dream, just opening a big box with a crowbar.
RYLAN: No! No! (DRAMATIC SOUND EFFECT) What the fuck?! Looks like we've lost her again but there is some bread and here, which is very dangerous, cos she's wheat-intolerant.
Apparently, if she eats bread, she'll explode.
Who can help me find June Sarpong? I'll do it.
I'll do it.
I'll find Miss Tampon.
(LAUGHTER) What's her name? June Tampon.
Sarpong.
Eh, Sarpong, Tampon! Come on.
(LAUGHTER) 'Potato', 'potaato'.
(HOOTER) Go on, Gino! Follow the bread! Find June Sarpong! Come on, Gino! Before she puts that bread in her mouth and explodes! What's that? Holly's room, look at all of the gin and booze.
What's that? That's Kevin's wheelchair.
You can't park your chair there, mate.
I think I've got it.
Have you found her? The bread.
I think she's eating all the bread.
Quick, have a look in there! It's June Sarpong! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Hello.
Don't eat the bread.
That's bad for you.
Bring her back, Gino.
Oh, my God, it's June Sarpong! Here she is.
It's June Sarpong! # JOE ESPOSITO: You're The Best Around June Sarpong! We found June Sarpong! So, Prince.
Hm? This is a bit awkward, innit? Yeah.
I just want to say, you know, if I could have taken anyone off the island, I would've taken you.
I know that.
Have you written any new songs? Yeah.
You have?! It's about you, Keith.
Is it? Mm.
Could I hear it? Yeah.
Cool.
# Keith left us on a desert island # With a polar bear But the polar bear Eminem Eminem's dead? Mm.
Hold on.
The polar bear killed Eminem? Yeah.
And did you see that happen? Yeah.
That must have been horrific for your young, innocent eyes, a man being eaten by a polar bear.
Mm.
Wow.
That's dark, man.
Well, we've got a clip now, with Steve-O eating a sandwich out of Madonna's Is this right that I'm doing this with mini Prince? Linking to Steve-O eating a sandwich from Madonna's erm You know.
Is this all right? I'll tell you what.
I'm not going to say what it is.
Why don't you just link to the V in your own special way? # Run VT! Ow! Yes, Prince! I'll give you a point for your team if you do indeed eat a baguette from Madonna's arse.
Will you do it? You bet I will, pal.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Madonna! (APPLAUSE) # MADONNA: Like A Virgin Yeah, I'm all right, Madonna.
Are you all right? I'm a big fan.
Thank you very much.
Cool, cool.
Steve-O.
Steve-O, Madonna.
Ain't she taller in real life when you see her? (LAUGHTER) You're a vegan, aren't you? Well, it's a vegan sandwich.
There's no cruelty to the sandwich.
We're not monsters here at Celebrity Juice.
So a point for your team if you eat a baguette from Madonna's arse.
All right.
Yeah? Let's do it.
Madonna, would you like to get in position? Yeah, Yeah, cool.
(LAUGHTER) (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) AUDIENCE CHANTS: Steve-O! Steve-O! Madonna, everyone! (CHEERING) Coming up after t'break # Raindrops are falling on my head Kanye? You're still alive.
Nice one.
Punch it.
I thought you'd been eaten by that polar bear.
Not me.
It's good to see you, man.
You know, back in the day, when I was here with you guys, you were like a brother to me.
If I could've taken anyone, I would've taken you, yeah? Yeah.
I bet you're missing Kim and North.
Yeah.
I bet you're missing Beyonce even more.
Nah.
Yeah, you love Beyonce.
You're always going on about her.
So, yeah, have you seen that new Apple Watch? No because I've been stuck here.
Yeah, yeah, it's really good.
What do you think to Dappy? He's good, isn't he? Good rapper.
Yeah.
Yeah, he came on Celebrity Juice.
He was good fun.
Cool.
I've run out of things to say so I'll just link to it, then.
All right.
Bye.
Bye.
Here's some Here's some bits with Dappy in.
Chatty.
(APPLAUSE) So, Dappy, we've got a cardboard cut-out of you so you don't have to get your chappy out.
So let's say hello to his life-sized chappy.
(LAUGHTER) Just do a pose by the side.
Do a pose.
Do a pose.
I can't believe you're making me do this.
(LAUGHTER) Have you ever indulged in something that big? I don't know what to say.
Erm It's a very weird colour of jaundice also.
It's made out at the same material I imagine the Muppets are made out of.
(LAUGHTER) The next object is an un-erect umbrella.
Can I just see? I reckon I know the answer to this.
Just come and have a look at Dappy's cock.
Stop.
Touch it.
No, I'm all right.
It's lovely fabric.
The umbrella's bigger.
Just imagine it's raining.
(LAUGHTER) And I am putting up my umbrella.
Ooh, bloody hell! It's raining again.
I think it's smaller than an umbrella.
# Raindrops are falling on my head How fucking awkward! Oh, come on! Ooh! Tiny cock! Tiny cock! (LAUGHTER) Now, here I have Denise van Outen and Holly Willoughboos er, the beeby.
(LAUGHTER) Holly! Who? Willyboozybaby.
Holly Booziesandbabies.
Holly Boobies-and-babies! Oh, my God.
Gino! (APPLAUSE) Now, the game is very simple.
I put my box on your belt.
OK? So what you have to do is to shake, you know, you have to thrust, thrust and put as many cornflakes out of the box.
Go! (KLAXON) There you go! There you go.
Open the legs, open the legs! Thrust away, thrust away.
Thrust away, thrust away.
(KLAXON) That's it, that's it! (APPLAUSE) Two little girls at a disco, when all little kids are dancing.
Let's have a look at slow motion.
Do you know what 'slow motion' stands for? Slow motion.
(LAUGHTER) Oh, I got that wrong.
I love you, Gino.
Let me do this again.
Let's have a look at slo-mo.
Do you know what slo-mo stands for? Slow motion.
Cue.
# DRAMATIC MUSIC Look at that.
That's a good game.
It's boring, innit? Yeah.
When I'm bored I get hungry.
I hope the girls find some good food.
Yeah.
I'm starving myself.
Yeah.
I'm not.
I wonder what they're going to bring the food back in.
I suppose carrier bags.
Mm.
I'm trying to do a clever link to the next clip, where we play the game called Get This Carrier Bag Off Me.
And we had Jimmy Carr.
Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah.
That was actually funny.
Remember Jimmy Carr? Got a funny laugh, ain't he? Yeah.
Can you do his laugh? No.
Can you, Prince? I'll try.
Go on, then.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ya, it's just like that.
I guess whilst we're waiting for the girls, we could have a singsong.
I've got a good one for Harry Styles.
Yeah? Give us a blast of the song.
Yeah.
# Close to me Harry Styles, yeah No.
Really? It's like a follow-up to the one where it went far away.
How did that go again? Far away was good.
Yeah, yeah, it was good.
How did that go again? # Far away, far away you go Yeah.
# Ooh Well, that was a long, convoluted link to these clips that we're about to show now, with the carrier bags that I mentioned earlier.
Enjoy.
That was a weird link, weren't it? Yeah.
Get That Carrier Bag Off Me! # TAYLOR SWIFT: Shake It Off Actually, Jimmy, if you do this, it's a world record, apparently.
It's never been done before because it's fucking stupid! (ALARM) Oh, he's doing it! Ooh! He's doing it! (CHEERING) Come on! (LAUGHTER) (CHEERING) Let's spin the 'What The Fuck Are My Hands?' wheel.
No way! Feet! So your hands are going to be turned into feet.
Using the power of Eastern magic, we we'll turn them into feet right now.
Easter Bunny, oh, so very funny, showing me your punny, I know you like meat but change their hands into feet! AUDIENCE: Whooo! For all you foot fetish freaks out there, you're gonna love this shit.
Get some tissues, pump fist.
Rylan, this is the first time I've seen your hands match your face.
I know.
You've got to put some cheese on a cracker and take a sip of some port.
Yes.
And you will win a point for your team the first person who does that.
On the klaxon, you will go (KLAXON) .
.
now! OK, go for it.
A little bit of that.
Go, go, go.
(LAUGHTER) Now get the port.
AUDIENCE CHANTS: Gino! Gino! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) (KLAXON) So this is nice, in't it? A bit of quality time together.
Yeah.
You away from your husband, me away from my French girlfriend.
Er, you haven't got one.
I have.
Well, you haven't.
I have.
Why would I say I have? To look cool.
I dunno.
What, having a French girlfriend? It's hard work.
(FRENCH SOUNDING GIBBERISH) What?! It's hard work because you can't speak French.
We don't talk much anyway.
We just make sweet love.
I'm sure you do (!) All right, lads? How's it going? Good.
Good.
We're just chatting.
Yeah, I've got a song.
/f Who'd have thought you would have walked past and had a song? What's it about? Good friend.
Me? Are you two good friends? Me and Prince do hang out, yeah, we just jam together, chill, that sort of vibe, wear purple.
So, how does the song go? Are there any lyrics yet? # You was a boy when you were young # you used to play football, ow! (CACKLES) I mean that's very You were a boy when you were young! Used to play football! Yeah, that's my life story right there, thank you, Prince.
She was a boy! Don't you have somewhere to be? Polar bear! Quick, run! Aagh! Don't like that song.
I thought it were nice.
Terrible.
/fo What shall we do now, then? We could reminisce, look at clips of the show and how good it Let's reminisce and look at clips of the show and remember how good was.
(KLAXON) (WHISTLE / CLOCK TICKING) Any time now.
(PINGS) For nine juice cartons.
(KLAXON) (WHISTLE) (PINGS) Well done.
OK, we're going for ten juice cartons.
Excuse me? I'm a gender crisis.
(LAUGHTER) (KLAXON) Oh, Tom Cruise is out the game.
Eminem, can he do it, can he do it? You're clear.
You did it.
Can Eminem even pick them up? Pick it up! Come on.
Can you get it up? No.
Eminem can't even pick them up.
You're disqualified.
OK, Tom Cruise and Eminem are out.
Before they leave us, how do you feel? Speechless.
Good luck with the future.
Tom Cruise, how you feeling? I'm good at films.
(LAUGHTER) OK, it just got serious because we're down to 11 juice cartons.
Whoever holds them for the longest time is the winner.
Remember, if you drop them, you're out.
(KLAXON) (WHISTLE / CHEERING) Fearne Cotton is the winner! (APPLAUSE) Booom! I told you! # WESTLIFE: You Raise Me Up Cotton was the winner.
How do you feel? One word.
Loser! (LAUGHTER) Coming up after t'break Are you ready? I'm ready! Aaagh! Hey, look what I've found.
A six-man dinghy just lying around on an island.
We can get off, we can escape.
Come on, boys, let's go.
Kanye, you miss Beyonce.
Cool.
No so fast! Mini Fearne, you're alive! At last we meet, Fearne.
I didn't think I'd grow up to be THAT.
(SNIGGER) And if anybody's getting of this island, it's gonna be me.
This is a bit awkward.
We've only got a six-man dinghy and there's seven on us.
What we gonna do? An old-fashioned game of rock, paper, scissors.
Good idea.
Here we go, one, two, three.
Oh.
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
What? One, two, three.
This is gonna take ages.
They've got t'same brain.
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
One, two - Oh, look, it's Kasabian! I love Kasabian.
Back in a bit.
(LAUGHS) Well done.
She's a sucker for Kasabian.
She'll probably want to interview them.
Come on, let's go.
Here's some more bits.
# I gotta through this! Hello, welcome to I've Gotta Get through This, the game in homage to the late, great Daniel Bedingfield.
Rest in peace.
It's also in homage to his hit, I've Gotta Get through This.
(TRACK PLAYS THEN CUTS) I don't think we should keep playing it, because it's a sombre Do think he would like it? You want us to dance.
Let's play it then.
(TRACK PLAYS) That'll do, that'll do.
(MUSIC CUTS) OK, I'll tell you the rules of Gotta Get through This.
You will have to get through these carpets.
Then, this is the most extreme part, you've got to get through eating a whole cucumber.
Oh, what?! This is the worst bit.
Whilst listening to Fearne Cotton's radio show.
(LAUGHTER) I think you'll find, that is a show full of quality music, We have to test these games to make sure we don't hurt our celebrity guests, and apparently the last person that tried to listen to a whole radio show that Fearne Cotton did died.
This was in the run-through.
(LAUGHTER) When you hear Daniel Bedingfield, you've gotta get through this.
# DANIEL BEDINGFIELD: Gotta Get Through This (CHEERING) Go on, Gino! Ramsey's through first, Ramsey's through first! You've gotta get through the Venetian blinds.
(CACKLES) Push on, Ramsey.
Come on, man! Oh, Gino's wearing the Venetian blinds.
Put the headphones on.
Put the headphones on.
'Hello, everyone.
How are you? It's Fearne' (LAUGHTER) Look, Fearne's stepping in, she's helping Ramsey.
(CHEERING) Oh, look at Jess down it! Go, Gino, go! You've got to get through the dog flap.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) (KLAXON) 'Ey.
You won.
I think you won.
Did he win? Was that Gino? Was that Gino? What the fuck?! It's Gino D'Acampo! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Gino D'Acampo! AUDIENCE CHANTS: Gino! Gino! Have you ever tried to listen to this shit show?! (LAUGHTER) That's a point for Gino's team, well done! Thank you.
(CHEERING) Any poignant words for Bedingfield's family out there? We would like to wish you all the 'condoyences'.
Wish you all the what again? Condoyences.
'Ey? Condoyences.
(MOCKING) Condoyences.
For the family, and we wish you're gonna get through this.
(LAUGHTER) The European Wrong Contest 2015! (CHEERING) # 'ALLO 'ALLO! THEME It's a flag.
Enjoy! So you know it's the European Wrong Contest.
What you've got to do in your challenge is simply name me ten European countries.
That easy, innit? But you may have seen we have a cement mixer here.
Yes? Yes.
What I want you to do is get inside it.
Inside? Don't they do this in France? They do this at Christmas time.
"It's Christmas Morning, get inside the cement mixer.
Ja, ooh, bonjour.
" They do this in France? Yeah, every day (!) Well, you know that you take your jacket off, then.
Yeah, you take your jacket off.
You take your jacket off.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) To get inside.
Get into position.
Clime in.
Like you're going to do a poo.
(LAUGHTER) Right in.
I've got to say, if you've got a cement mixer in your garden at home, don't try this at home.
Wow! David, you've got to name me ten European countries whilst you're inside the cement mixer.
I hate you.
Here you go.
Hold on.
Are you ready? I'm ready! Aaagh! Ten European countries! Oh, yeah.
Russia.
Yes.
Ukraine.
Yes.
Germany.
Yes.
/f I'm gonna throw up.
(LAUGHTER) Er, Belgium.
Yes.
France.
Yes.
Er, United Kingdom.
Ireland.
Yes.
ErItaly.
Yes.
Spain.
Yes.
/ Er, Greece.
Yes.
That's it, he's done it! He's done it! He's done it! (CHEERING) Are you gonna puke? Are you all right? Wow.
David Guetta, everyone! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) You ain't shit yourself, have you? I love your show.
(LAUGHTER) Hey, thank God we all got off that Island safely.
Yeah, but what about Fearne? She's here.
No, big Fearne, my friend Fearne.
She said she wanted to stay on that island, living off the land, just eating twigs and berries and salad and stuff.
But who's going to link to the end-of-series montage? I'll do it! Go on, then.
Here's a montage of some of the best bits of Celebrity Juice.
Run VT! He's actually better than Fearne.
I knew you hated her guts.
I'm gonna drop some pongy, stinky, shitty beat now! # MARK RONSON FT.
BRUNO MARS: Uptown Funk La-la-laaa! (CACKLES) # Ding-a-ding-ding (YODELLING) Say hello to the ladies! (YODELLING) You dirty bastard.
My name is Keith Lemon.
(LAUGHING LIKE JIMMY CARR) Ooooh.
(CHEERING) Oh! (MUMBLING INCOMPREHENSIBLY) You sexy (BLEEP).
.
.
fucking quiche lemon.
.
wearing a yellow dress, probably looks a big shit.
You make a fool of yourself.
(THICK JAMAICAN ACCENT) Brat, brat, them the oppression, ya get me, boy, what's going down on the street? Rrrrrecognise! Oooh! Whoop-whoop.
Video something? Video tape.
(LAUGHTER) Wow.
Wankers.