Clarence US (2014) Episode Scripts

Pools Out For Summer

1 [Remote clicks] [Upbeat music plays] I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Surf music plays] [Indistinct conversations] Aah! Why won't it rinse out?! [Air blowing] Aaaaaaah! Clarence: [Chuckles] I can't wait to get into the hot tub.
I'm gonna make something that I call "Clarence Soup.
" I'll let you have a little bit, [Singsong voice] but guess what.
You can't know what the secret ingredient is.
Nice and tight, Sumo.
I don't want any chlorine burning my eyes.
[Chuckles] This time, I'm gonna do a flip off the diving board! But wait aren't you afraid everyone's gonna - see your butt again? - Nope.
Not this time.
[Breathing heavily] - Hey, y'all.
- Oh.
Hi, Samuel.
Hey, hey, guys.
Guess what my dad told me.
I learned, if you bring a plastic zip bag, [Echoing] you can put whatever you want in there.
[Muffled] And if it's in the pool, it won't get wrecked.
- # Oh, Samuel # - That's pretty tight! [Laughter] What? [Laughs] Whew! Well, see y'all out there.
Both: See ya! Bye! - Ohh.
Samuel is so funny.
- He sure is.
One time, I saw him do this huge cannonball.
There was like two drops of water left in the pool! Mm-hmm.
[Laughter, indistinct shouting] - Marco! - Polo.
- Fish out of water? - No, I'm totally in the water still.
Aw, come on! [Chuckles] Soup, soup, soup, soup, soup, soup! - Got to make the soup.
Got to make the soup! - All you people.
Ugh.
[Over PA] Whoa, kid! Check out the sign, bud! No kids without supervision! What? What sign? Oh.
But But he's a grown-up.
Sir, are you prepared to take responsibility for this child? - Leave me alone! - Aw, Christmas.
Hey.
I get it.
You just want to play around for a bit.
Nothing bad's gonna happen, right? - I hear ya, Kemosabe.
- [Gasps] You do? I hear you with both my ears, man.
But it's a slippery slope, my main brother.
First [Chuckles] I let you in the hot tub without an adult.
Then, before I know it, I'm digging kids' bodies out of the deep end.
[Eerie music] It's all about combining fun with safety.
- You feel me? - [Sighs] Okay.
This place may be swimming with guards, but Clarence Soup is still on the menu.
- Jeff, are you coming? - I-I'll get there.
Just gonna go at my own pace.
The water's a bit chilly.
[Breathing heavily] Hey, guys! [Grunts] Cannonball! [Surf music plays] [Laughs maniacally] [Screaming] Ohh! Pshew! Pshew! Pshew! Whoosh! Whoosh! Whoosh! - All right! Come at me, Sumo! - Yaaaaah! [Laughs] Hey, man.
What's with the belly bag? What, this? Oh, it's nothing.
It's ju [Screams] I got you, man.
I got your pits.
[Gasping] Oh.
What happened? Kid got too close to the deep end.
Deep end? How deep is it? Sumo: Nobody knows.
Some say it never ends.
Pretty sure there's still kids at the bottom, - but you can't see 'em.
- Wow.
[Thud] [Laughs] [Chuckles] [Laughs] - Ew! I can see his butt! - [Gasps] Oh, my goodness.
- Somebody get him a towel! - Hurry, hurry! Quick! - Uh, I forgot I got to pee.
- What a wienie.
[Sizzling] Mm-mmm! Actually, um, could I get some mustard packets? Oh, and if you have any extra jalapeños, too, I'd appreciate that.
Oh, actually, I changed my mind.
I don't want these anymore.
Actually Hey, Sumo, did you go off the diving board yet? No way! Never going on that thing! What? You can't just give up on your dream just like I won't give up on my dream.
- But - Sumo, remember [Grunts] you are what you do.
A kid is defined by his actions, not his memory.
Take my hand, please.
[Grunts] Open your mind.
[Eerie music plays] - What are you doing, man? - I saw it on TV.
Open your mind.
- Eh - Open your mind.
[Distorted] Open your mind.
- Open your - Hey, uh, could I get a fry? - Ha ha! Sure, man! - Ow! - Have all you want! - Quit it, Sumo! Oye, mijo.
Could you please help me, por favor? "Clarence, help! I'm a hungry back man!" Here you go.
[Babbles] Ay! This is feeling [Snoring] [Groans] Sumo! Don't forget.
[Eerie music plays] Huh? [Excited chatter] [Sighs] Backward flip! [Gasps] Whoa! [Cheering] - Not bad.
- Oh.
[Chuckles] Sumo! Come on! Yeah! [Laughs] [Inhaling] [Both laugh] Hey, killer flip, man.
- You got it, man.
You get it.
- Hey, thanks, man.
Now you got to go off the big one.
Aaaahh! [Splash] - Uh yeah, maybe.
- Oh, my gosh.
That's the best idea I ever heard, Samuel! - Oh, Sumo, it's gonna be so cool.
- Mnh-mnh, mnh-mnh.
You're gonna go up to the biggest one ever, and you're gonna be up really, really high and then see all the birds in the sky.
And everyone's gonna be like, "Oh, my gosh, look at Sumo! He's so high up there! I can't believe how high he got up!" [Babbling] [Laughs maniacally] [Breathing heavily] - You're gonna do it, right? - Uh yep.
- All right! - [Laughs] Yes! Looking forward to seeing you perched up there, buddy.
Bye, Samuel! You're so cool! - Ow! - What the heck, man?! - What was that for? - You want me to go off of that?! [Screams] [Splash] But, Sumo, you're a flip-diving king, and you're the best one ever.
It's gonna be awesome, and and it's gonna be impressive and cool and bubbly and It's got the jets, and it's hot soup - Clarence Soup.
- What? - Anyway, good luck! - Hey! Clarence, those are mine! [Breathes deeply, exhales sharply] [Eerie music plays] [Grunts] Feel the burn.
[Grunts] Oh, oh! [Thinking] Okay, okay, what was Clarence saying? Clear your Clear your head? O-Open the thoughts? Hey! Stop splashing! I'm going in at my own pace.
Aah! [Up-tempo music plays] Aah! Aah! Oh Aah! [Gasping] Oh! [Screaming] Mmm.
- [Gasps] Another dangler?! - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Well done, Sumo.
The perfect distraction.
It's time to journey to the hot tub.
[Thinking] Okay, here I go.
I'm just gonna Wait a minute.
[Eerie music plays] What's this strange pull I feel? It feels good calming, quiet.
I could just disappear down here.
It feels like home.
And all my friends are here.
Hi, Clarence! Whoa! Aah! [Babbles] - Come on, come on! - Hey, kiddo.
This is a no-dangle zone, capiche? Come on down now! [Grunts] Open your mind.
[Eerie music plays] Open your mind.
Okay.
[Grunts] Gotcha! Huh? Ha ha! Cannonball! [Laughs] You did it, man! [Laughing] Hey! That's my Sumster right there.
[Thinking] Thank you so much for having me down here.
I guess I could get used to it.
Happy birthday, Ms.
Quarter.
[Angelic choir vocalizing] Wait! What Uh w-wait! I can't stay here! I'm almost at the hot tub! [Cheering] - Ha ha! Yeah! - Okay.
All right, man.
Time to cover up, buddy.
Come here.
Hey! Hey, wait! Get back here! [Laughter, cheering] [Gasps] Whew! Come on, man! The moon doesn't rise for five hours! [Raspberries] [Gasps] I'm finally here.
[Chuckles] [Singsong voice] Clarence Soup time! Vegetables [Grunts] Ha! Yeah! Soup, soup, soup, soup, soup! - Soup's on! - Hey! - [Laughs] Hey! - It's Clarence Soup! Almost.
Just one last step.
[Laughs] Sumo! [Sighs] It's not actually that cold.
[Chuckles] - Hey.
- Oh! [Laughs] Oh, you sure got me, Jeffrey.
[Laughs] [Sighs deeply] [Gulps] - Hey, man.
'Sup? - Hoo! First customer.
Would you like to sample my famous Clarence Soup, sir? [Slurps] [Spits] It's pretty good.
[Whispering] The secret ingredient is me.
[Laughs] H-Hey, man! That was hi-larious! It was awesome, my Sumster.
You were all, "Whoo!" [Laughs] - Thanks, Samuel.
- Hey, come on, man.
Bring it in.
You little knucklehead! Yeah, got you right here.
[Laughs] Hey, man, cut it out! - Hey, you guys! - Huh? Come on! What are you waiting for? Get in the pool already! [Laughter] [Excited chatter] [Crickets chirping] Man, I hate summer.
Early to bed Early to rise Picking my nose