Clarence US (2014) s03e16 Episode Script
Public Radio
1 [Remote clicks.]
[Upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Jazzy music plays.]
Deborah: And what would you say really defined - Aberdale back then? - Mr.
Blimpy: I'd say horses.
We used 'em for chairs, we used 'em for tables.
Why, you stack a couple 'em on top of each other, you got yourself some bunk beds.
[Chuckles.]
Bunk beds.
[Sneezes.]
- Huh? - Dang pollen.
- Horses are who I am.
- Thank you again, Mr.
Blimpy, for showing us a part of Aberdale - and a part of yourself.
- Oh, uh, th-thank you.
I'm Deborah Copper.
Good afternoon, Aberdale.
Deb's great.
We hang out all the time.
I'm not making it up! I have friends.
Here, Miss Baker.
I drew your friend.
Oh! Oh, wow! Look at that.
You got the lines.
That is very good, Clarence.
She's gonna love this.
[Rattling.]
Bingo.
Clarence Wendell reporting.
And today, we're gonna talk about, um climate change.
I need a more talkative subject.
Clarence: Mrs.
Mom, what are you making? Oh, hey, handsome reporter! All right, since you're asking, it is a casserole! Lima beans, cilantro, oregano, you got your pepper.
Here's some peperoncini, cream of mushroom soup, canned tuna, your macaronis, hot pepper flakes.
Another simple meal, another simple mother.
One plate at a time, one meal at a time, much like the sands of time.
Uh, Clarence, I'm a little busy right now.
Go play with Chad.
[Cheering.]
Uh - Tell me about childhood.
- What? How do you feel about the trade lombargo? - Uh, bad.
- Hmm.
Interesting answer.
- Why? - Oh, nothing, nothing.
[Stammering.]
W-What's this for? I gotta go to the bathroom! Mary: Beans, cilantro, oregano, you got your peppers [Tape rewinds.]
- Clarence: Childhood.
- Chad: Uh, what? No one wants to hear this junk! Narrator: Today on "Gossip Life," we catch stars doing the unthinkable! Hey, Keith, you got a sec?! Is it true that you don't recycle your bottles and cans? Mr.
Mack?! Mr.
Mack, Mr.
Mack! - Mr.
Mack, the public has a right to know! - Mr.
Mack, please! Hmm.
- Hmm? - Hmm? Hmm! [Music.]
- What?! - Mm-hmm.
- What is it?! - Hmm.
[Thinking.]
Did they find out?! Bye, Chad! Hey, can I get a copy of that tape?! [Music.]
Mr.
Sumowski, the bodies where are they?! Is it true that you cheated on your test?! Mr.
Sumo, the public has a right to know! What is the nature of your relationship with the sun? [Munching.]
Hmm.
I'm trying to get a good interview, but it's hard.
Hey, you want to see my car? [Gasps.]
[Giggles.]
You just been building this car yourself? Sumo: Yup.
I think the next thing I'm gonna do is put a steering wheel in it, maybe a TV.
[Chitters.]
- How long until it's done? - I don't know.
Couple weeks.
Wow.
Then what? Well, then I guess I can go anywhere.
You gonna come back? - Yeah, probably.
- Ryan Sumowski, with big aspirations and a little body, he's my friend, and he lives with me in Aberdale.
Who are you talking to? [Applause.]
Hi, Clarence.
I drew your picture.
- Inspiration struck.
- What a fantastic interview! Clarence, I've asked my friend Deb at the radio station if she'd be willing to let you do a live interview this Friday! A live radio interview? [Angelic music.]
And you can interview anyone you want.
Anyone he wants? [Indistinct conversations.]
Oh, Clarence, wait! So you're gonna do the interview project, right? Uh, Miss Baker says I can choose who ever I want.
I heard.
[Chuckles.]
I was just thinking, you know, maybe you gotta pick someone really worth listening to.
What about Mavis? [Raspy singing.]
- She's got laryngitis.
- How about Kimby? - Uh, Kimby's not that interesting.
- Wait, I know! I can interview my garbage lady, Lucine! [Groans.]
No one wants to hear about garbage while they're driving to work.
That's disgusting! - I would.
- The thing is, Clarence, - I think I may be your only real option.
- Really? Come over to my house for a pre-interview.
[Toy xylophone clangs.]
I've prepared a list of questions for you to ask me.
I usually just start with stuff like what you had for breakfast Blueberry oatmeal and skim milk.
- It's on page two, question 13.
- Wow, Jeffrey.
"One, laugh.
Two, laugh, sigh wistfully"? I've also prepared a list of appropriate responses to my questions.
You see, this way, no surprises.
- Oh - You're welcome.
Ask me the first question.
"What is your favorite word?" So funny you should ask it's "ubiquitous.
" - Like "buckwheat"? - No, Clarence! You laugh and say, "Marvelous," - just like it's written.
- Oh! Right.
[Singsong voice.]
Marvelous! That's too forced.
It needs to sound off-the-cuff.
[Sighs.]
Look.
This is the first live interview of Jeffrey Randell.
[Heroic music.]
We need to take this seriously! Let's try it again.
[Normal voice.]
"Do you ever catch yourself thinking about" [Sneezes.]
[Groans.]
Clarence, at the very least, cover your mouth! That's how germs spread! This paper made from pollen? [Laughs.]
Seriously, no one has any respect these days! [Gasps.]
No one wants to hear that side of me! Media killed Nixon's election.
I'm not gonna let it ruin my chances.
I have some other questions, too.
Jeff: I've worked hard to maintain good social standing in Aberdale.
I just can't help it if anyone's jealous of me! Hmm.
What do you think? This is gonna be a bad interview.
Hey, hon, it's not a test, it's a radio show.
Oh! Jeff, you look really nice! Maybe too nice for radio, huh? [Laughs.]
No one's gonna see! No, no, but you you look really nice.
Oh, this darn thing.
We should just switch to podcasts.
Whoa.
And that's the end of our segment on the love and loss of an iguana.
Thank you, Aberdale.
Hey, Clarence, Jeff! Thank you so much for visiting me at our studio today.
Deborah Copper! Let me show you around.
We're pretty small, but we're proud of having our own voice.
You know, some of the other people who've been on the show Randy the newspaper boy, Lucine the garbage lady, - the librarian - What? She already interviewed her.
Deborah: And now you'll be one of them.
- [Gasps.]
I drew that! - Oh, yeah.
It gives me an idea of who you really are.
- You know Clarence.
- [Gasps.]
Oh! We're on in 10, guys.
Don't be afraid of the microphones.
This is it.
I hope your practiced all your lines.
La la la la la [Gibberish.]
Beetle, buggy Baxter the butcher's boy.
There's some water for you if you need it.
Good morning, Aberdale.
Today, we have something very special two young voices of Aberdale's very own Clarence Wendle interviewing Jeffrey Randell.
[Clears throat.]
Jeff, what is your greatest achievement? Just one? Kidding.
[Chuckles.]
But when you've achieved as much as I have in such a short time, - it's almost impossible to pick just one.
- Uh Don't be nervous, Clarence.
Oh! Ha, ha, ha.
You are a riot.
- What are you most proud of? - Wow.
My greatest one.
Hmm, well, I guess I'm just most proud of setting such a good example for everyone else.
There's a lot of joy in that.
[Whispers.]
Clarence response three! [Sniffles.]
Oops, sorry.
[Snorts.]
That is truly inspiring.
Tell us a little bit about yourself.
[Snorts.]
I was born June 14 yes, Flag Day.
I am the chairman of bird-watching club, [Echoing.]
chess club, some also don't pay attention to this, but we must recognize the importance of - Clarence, word! - What's that? [Sneezes.]
[Slow motion scream.]
[Screams.]
Clarence, you coughed directly into my mike! That's gonna get all in my mouth! Aw, gosh, I can smell your spit from here! Cover your dang mouth! [Chuckles.]
[Forced coughing.]
- Gross! - That really bothers you, huh? Of course! It's one of the worst, most common bad habits anyone could have.
- What else bothers you? - Oh, don't get me started! First off, what's up with people putting their shoes up on the couch? That's filthy! And, seriously, I mean, when I say 12:30, it means I'm gonna be there at 12:30.
And why is it when I say "Thank you," someone says, "No problem"? Who said I have a problem?! [Laughs.]
I mean, honestly, what does it take for people to just keep up with you in a regular, non-personal conversation? Phew, excuse me there.
Let's get back to the real questions.
- Deborah: That was Clarence and Jeff - Huh? uncovering the true inner workings of a young boy's mind.
Thank you for listening.
This is Deborah Copper signing off.
But we didn't get to do the questions we practiced.
You guys did great.
Clarence, I am so impressed with your interviewing style.
Here.
Take these.
They'll remind you who you really are.
A cup? Wow, you boys really nailed it in there.
I am so proud of you! Clarence: Thanks, Mom.
We got these cool mugs for doing it.
- Ooh, fancy! - Jeff: I don't want mine.
[Indistinct conversations.]
Maybe no one heard it.
[Sighs.]
[All cheering.]
What? [Indistinct chatter.]
That thing you said about the grocery line, that happens to me all the time! Yeah, and that thing you said where people are like, - "No problem," what problem? - Glad you heard it.
- Good job, Clarence.
- [Chuckles.]
I know.
Early to bed Early to rise Picking my nose
[Upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Jazzy music plays.]
Deborah: And what would you say really defined - Aberdale back then? - Mr.
Blimpy: I'd say horses.
We used 'em for chairs, we used 'em for tables.
Why, you stack a couple 'em on top of each other, you got yourself some bunk beds.
[Chuckles.]
Bunk beds.
[Sneezes.]
- Huh? - Dang pollen.
- Horses are who I am.
- Thank you again, Mr.
Blimpy, for showing us a part of Aberdale - and a part of yourself.
- Oh, uh, th-thank you.
I'm Deborah Copper.
Good afternoon, Aberdale.
Deb's great.
We hang out all the time.
I'm not making it up! I have friends.
Here, Miss Baker.
I drew your friend.
Oh! Oh, wow! Look at that.
You got the lines.
That is very good, Clarence.
She's gonna love this.
[Rattling.]
Bingo.
Clarence Wendell reporting.
And today, we're gonna talk about, um climate change.
I need a more talkative subject.
Clarence: Mrs.
Mom, what are you making? Oh, hey, handsome reporter! All right, since you're asking, it is a casserole! Lima beans, cilantro, oregano, you got your pepper.
Here's some peperoncini, cream of mushroom soup, canned tuna, your macaronis, hot pepper flakes.
Another simple meal, another simple mother.
One plate at a time, one meal at a time, much like the sands of time.
Uh, Clarence, I'm a little busy right now.
Go play with Chad.
[Cheering.]
Uh - Tell me about childhood.
- What? How do you feel about the trade lombargo? - Uh, bad.
- Hmm.
Interesting answer.
- Why? - Oh, nothing, nothing.
[Stammering.]
W-What's this for? I gotta go to the bathroom! Mary: Beans, cilantro, oregano, you got your peppers [Tape rewinds.]
- Clarence: Childhood.
- Chad: Uh, what? No one wants to hear this junk! Narrator: Today on "Gossip Life," we catch stars doing the unthinkable! Hey, Keith, you got a sec?! Is it true that you don't recycle your bottles and cans? Mr.
Mack?! Mr.
Mack, Mr.
Mack! - Mr.
Mack, the public has a right to know! - Mr.
Mack, please! Hmm.
- Hmm? - Hmm? Hmm! [Music.]
- What?! - Mm-hmm.
- What is it?! - Hmm.
[Thinking.]
Did they find out?! Bye, Chad! Hey, can I get a copy of that tape?! [Music.]
Mr.
Sumowski, the bodies where are they?! Is it true that you cheated on your test?! Mr.
Sumo, the public has a right to know! What is the nature of your relationship with the sun? [Munching.]
Hmm.
I'm trying to get a good interview, but it's hard.
Hey, you want to see my car? [Gasps.]
[Giggles.]
You just been building this car yourself? Sumo: Yup.
I think the next thing I'm gonna do is put a steering wheel in it, maybe a TV.
[Chitters.]
- How long until it's done? - I don't know.
Couple weeks.
Wow.
Then what? Well, then I guess I can go anywhere.
You gonna come back? - Yeah, probably.
- Ryan Sumowski, with big aspirations and a little body, he's my friend, and he lives with me in Aberdale.
Who are you talking to? [Applause.]
Hi, Clarence.
I drew your picture.
- Inspiration struck.
- What a fantastic interview! Clarence, I've asked my friend Deb at the radio station if she'd be willing to let you do a live interview this Friday! A live radio interview? [Angelic music.]
And you can interview anyone you want.
Anyone he wants? [Indistinct conversations.]
Oh, Clarence, wait! So you're gonna do the interview project, right? Uh, Miss Baker says I can choose who ever I want.
I heard.
[Chuckles.]
I was just thinking, you know, maybe you gotta pick someone really worth listening to.
What about Mavis? [Raspy singing.]
- She's got laryngitis.
- How about Kimby? - Uh, Kimby's not that interesting.
- Wait, I know! I can interview my garbage lady, Lucine! [Groans.]
No one wants to hear about garbage while they're driving to work.
That's disgusting! - I would.
- The thing is, Clarence, - I think I may be your only real option.
- Really? Come over to my house for a pre-interview.
[Toy xylophone clangs.]
I've prepared a list of questions for you to ask me.
I usually just start with stuff like what you had for breakfast Blueberry oatmeal and skim milk.
- It's on page two, question 13.
- Wow, Jeffrey.
"One, laugh.
Two, laugh, sigh wistfully"? I've also prepared a list of appropriate responses to my questions.
You see, this way, no surprises.
- Oh - You're welcome.
Ask me the first question.
"What is your favorite word?" So funny you should ask it's "ubiquitous.
" - Like "buckwheat"? - No, Clarence! You laugh and say, "Marvelous," - just like it's written.
- Oh! Right.
[Singsong voice.]
Marvelous! That's too forced.
It needs to sound off-the-cuff.
[Sighs.]
Look.
This is the first live interview of Jeffrey Randell.
[Heroic music.]
We need to take this seriously! Let's try it again.
[Normal voice.]
"Do you ever catch yourself thinking about" [Sneezes.]
[Groans.]
Clarence, at the very least, cover your mouth! That's how germs spread! This paper made from pollen? [Laughs.]
Seriously, no one has any respect these days! [Gasps.]
No one wants to hear that side of me! Media killed Nixon's election.
I'm not gonna let it ruin my chances.
I have some other questions, too.
Jeff: I've worked hard to maintain good social standing in Aberdale.
I just can't help it if anyone's jealous of me! Hmm.
What do you think? This is gonna be a bad interview.
Hey, hon, it's not a test, it's a radio show.
Oh! Jeff, you look really nice! Maybe too nice for radio, huh? [Laughs.]
No one's gonna see! No, no, but you you look really nice.
Oh, this darn thing.
We should just switch to podcasts.
Whoa.
And that's the end of our segment on the love and loss of an iguana.
Thank you, Aberdale.
Hey, Clarence, Jeff! Thank you so much for visiting me at our studio today.
Deborah Copper! Let me show you around.
We're pretty small, but we're proud of having our own voice.
You know, some of the other people who've been on the show Randy the newspaper boy, Lucine the garbage lady, - the librarian - What? She already interviewed her.
Deborah: And now you'll be one of them.
- [Gasps.]
I drew that! - Oh, yeah.
It gives me an idea of who you really are.
- You know Clarence.
- [Gasps.]
Oh! We're on in 10, guys.
Don't be afraid of the microphones.
This is it.
I hope your practiced all your lines.
La la la la la [Gibberish.]
Beetle, buggy Baxter the butcher's boy.
There's some water for you if you need it.
Good morning, Aberdale.
Today, we have something very special two young voices of Aberdale's very own Clarence Wendle interviewing Jeffrey Randell.
[Clears throat.]
Jeff, what is your greatest achievement? Just one? Kidding.
[Chuckles.]
But when you've achieved as much as I have in such a short time, - it's almost impossible to pick just one.
- Uh Don't be nervous, Clarence.
Oh! Ha, ha, ha.
You are a riot.
- What are you most proud of? - Wow.
My greatest one.
Hmm, well, I guess I'm just most proud of setting such a good example for everyone else.
There's a lot of joy in that.
[Whispers.]
Clarence response three! [Sniffles.]
Oops, sorry.
[Snorts.]
That is truly inspiring.
Tell us a little bit about yourself.
[Snorts.]
I was born June 14 yes, Flag Day.
I am the chairman of bird-watching club, [Echoing.]
chess club, some also don't pay attention to this, but we must recognize the importance of - Clarence, word! - What's that? [Sneezes.]
[Slow motion scream.]
[Screams.]
Clarence, you coughed directly into my mike! That's gonna get all in my mouth! Aw, gosh, I can smell your spit from here! Cover your dang mouth! [Chuckles.]
[Forced coughing.]
- Gross! - That really bothers you, huh? Of course! It's one of the worst, most common bad habits anyone could have.
- What else bothers you? - Oh, don't get me started! First off, what's up with people putting their shoes up on the couch? That's filthy! And, seriously, I mean, when I say 12:30, it means I'm gonna be there at 12:30.
And why is it when I say "Thank you," someone says, "No problem"? Who said I have a problem?! [Laughs.]
I mean, honestly, what does it take for people to just keep up with you in a regular, non-personal conversation? Phew, excuse me there.
Let's get back to the real questions.
- Deborah: That was Clarence and Jeff - Huh? uncovering the true inner workings of a young boy's mind.
Thank you for listening.
This is Deborah Copper signing off.
But we didn't get to do the questions we practiced.
You guys did great.
Clarence, I am so impressed with your interviewing style.
Here.
Take these.
They'll remind you who you really are.
A cup? Wow, you boys really nailed it in there.
I am so proud of you! Clarence: Thanks, Mom.
We got these cool mugs for doing it.
- Ooh, fancy! - Jeff: I don't want mine.
[Indistinct conversations.]
Maybe no one heard it.
[Sighs.]
[All cheering.]
What? [Indistinct chatter.]
That thing you said about the grocery line, that happens to me all the time! Yeah, and that thing you said where people are like, - "No problem," what problem? - Glad you heard it.
- Good job, Clarence.
- [Chuckles.]
I know.
Early to bed Early to rise Picking my nose