Drunk History (2013) Episode Scripts

N/A - Journalism

Nellie Bly thinks she's racing a fictional character.
Well, it turns out she's racing a real woman.
I should stop laughing.
It's very hard.
And there are these kids, and they would cry on the streets, and they would be like, "Extra, extra! Read all about it.
I'm a newsie.
" - Um, the newsies, okay, so - So this fat [bleep] he's like, I'm just concerned with these goddamn pictures.
- What is journalism? - It's a very exciting job to get people the information they need.
Well, freedom of speech is important in a "democuracy" "A democuracy.
" It is very, like, if it's in print, then it's forever.
Freedom of speech is important in a "democuracy" - I keep saying it.
- I believe that the pen is definitely way [bleep] mightier than the sword.
I can't believe I'm doing shots.
Trust me, I'm not a shots guy.
Um - So - This is a really bad game - that I'm gonna pitch.
- Let's hear it.
- Well, we're doing a racing story.
- Oh, so we have to race? - Okay, I like this.
- I'm just Three, two, one, we rarely do shots! Hello.
Today we're gonna talk about Nellie Bly and Elizabeth Bisland and the race round the globe.
What a race.
So Nellie Bly is the "fost" the "fost" famous.
- She's the "fost" famous.
- She's the the "fost mamous" She's the most famous female journalist of her day.
And she's reading Jules Verne.
She's like, 80 days around the world, well, I wonder if I could do that.
So she goes to her editors, and she says Not only did Jules Verne write a decent book, but also I think I can beat the time of 80 days around the world, and you should pay for it.
And her editor's like, All right, gal.
You're a gal.
And women they can't travel by themselves.
Can you imagine how much stuff you're gonna have to bring like curling irons or a lot of trunks of stuff? She says, Listen, editor.
If you don't put this story out, I'm gonna go to a competing paper.
So then the editor's like, Okay, well, if you put it that way, you're leaving, like, tomorrow or really soon or something like that.
And there is a gentleman, and he's saying to himself, Well, look at this newspaper.
It says that Nellie Bly is gonna go around the world.
Well, I own "Cosmopolitan" magazine, and we're just a little baby magazine.
We've only been around for three years.
So, like, what if we also sent a journalist, and then she went around the world? And it was definitely "she," because, like, fairness.
He thinks of Elizabeth Bisland.
She's their literary editor.
So she's mostly known for literary salon and just kind of generally being hot.
He says, Would you like to go around the world? You have to leave tonight? And she's like, Well, if my editor wants me to do it, I'll go.
And so, six hours after even learning of this idea, Elizabeth Bisland starts heading West.
Nellie Bly's already on a ship, so she has no idea this is happening.
She thinks she's racing a fictional character.
Well, it turns out she's racing a real woman, and they're going in opposite directions.
So Nellie Bly lands in England.
Somebody says to her, Jules Verne would like to meet you.
She's like, Yes, I would love to meet him.
I have time to go to France.
I'm, like, ahead of schedule, and I can totally do this.
So she goes to France, and she meets up with Jules Verne.
And Jules Verne it totally cool.
And he's like, Nellie, I hope you make it around the world in less than 80 days.
Here's a bunch of high fives.
My wife and I are chill for you.
Get out of here.
Meanwhile, Elizabeth Bisland gets to Japan, and she sees Mount Fuji, and she's like, This is totally chill.
Nellie Bly goes to Italy, and she's writing about the coastline and the pasta.
And she goes to Egypt.
Women are wearing burkas, and she's totally blown away by this.
She goes to Sri Lanka.
She's riding in rickshaws.
How did I get here? I don't even speak this language.
What is the language of this place? Sri Lankan.
I'm making that up.
So the whole time Nellie Bly is traveling, she's sending home these dispatches.
People are reading it, and they can't take their eyes off of it.
They're following her the entire way around the world.
I mean, this is, like, clickbait stuff.
Meanwhile, Elizabeth Bisland, she's ahead of schedule, because she's following the wind.
So she's gonna win.
Nellie Bly is, like, dawdling at this point.
So she gets to Hong Kong, 'cause she, like, goes up to buy her ticket.
The guy is like, Oh, you're losing your race.
And she's like, What are you talking about? 'Cause I'm racing a fictional character.
'Cause she didn't even know Elizabeth Bisland ever left.
And he's like, No, no, no, there's another woman in the race named Elizabeth Bisland.
She was here, like, a while ago, and you're losing.
And so she figures out that she has to sail super fast.
She gets on a boat.
She's going across the Pacific.
But where's Elizabeth Bisland? That's a great question.
She was about to get on this super-fast s-speed steamboat.
But this dude is who's like a fan of Nellie Bly is like, Ah I think you missed your boat.
Then Elizabeth Bisland was like, Well, I guess that guy's telling the truth.
So Elizabeth Bisland gets on this very slow ship to New York.
And so, on January 25th, Nellie Bly wins the race.
She wins it! She gets there in 72 days, which is 6 le which is 6 less than 80 days.
- 8.
- And she - 72? - 72.
- So it'd be 8.
- 6 less You're right, yeah.
That's 8.
Forgot how to do math.
- That's okay.
- But here's the crazy thing Elizabeth Bisland got there four days later, still beating the 80 days.
Three, two, one, shots! Mm.
You went back around the world.
- So hard did I win that.
- Wait, but y - How's it feel? - I feel like a loser.
Really? 'Cause I feel like that was very fun, and even though I won, by a lot Both of these women transformed travel writing.
They traveled by themselves as women, and that hadn't been done before.
And also, they put "Cosmopolitan" on the map, which is the whole reason you know anything about sex positions.
So, cheers, Nellie Bly and Elizabeth Bisland.
You gals are top-notch in my book.
- Ready? - Yeah.
Are you watch watching? I can't tell if it's coming out.
Oh, yeah, it's coming out.
That's, yeah what it does is you don't mind the tequila.
- No, it actually helps.
- The tequila is like the remedy.
What do you think makes a good journalist? The democratization of commentary on the Internet is brilliant.
There's no longer a monopoly on who gets to say what.
What I'm sad about is newsroom the idea of a bunch of professionals deciding when something is substantive enough and accurate enough to be run.
- I saw that, by the way.
- Yeah.
I saw it went flying into your shirt.
I'm covered in shell down here.
Uh, I fo I got lost.
- I got [bleep]-faced lost.
- My grandfather said alcohol takes the polish off of furniture and people.
I think that's pretty true.
I'm Drew Droege.
I've had half a bottle of Reposado tequila, and today we're talking about the newsboys' strike.
So it's the 1890s.
Also, it's New York, and there are these kids that are rampant about the street these little boys that are dirty, filthy, and they sold newspapers for a living.
And they would cry on the streets, and they would be like, "Extra, extra! Read all about it.
I'm a newsie.
" People were like, This kid is annoying.
Fine, I'll buy a paper.
It's okay.
Get out of my face.
I'm trying to enjoy my breakfast.
In 1898, the Spanish-American War broke out, and two major publishers named Joseph Pulitzer and William Randolph Hearst - Name drop.
- I will, I'll do it.
I'll name-drop them.
Hearst and Pulitzer took advantage of this, and so they raised the price of the newspapers to 60 cents a bundle.
People were just buying newspapers.
They were like, I've got to find out what's going on.
But then when the war was over, they didn't lower the price of the newspapers, and people weren't buying as many newspapers.
So the newsies couldn't make their money back.
And so there were a handful of newsies, mainly led by Morris Cohen and Kid Blink.
Kid Blink has a patch over one eye, and he looks like a man.
This is really This doesn't get easier.
You think you're gonna get a taste for the flavor, and it just gets more and more violent.
Okay, anyway they went to Hearst and to Pulitzer, and they said, Would you lower the prices back to 50 cents? And they said, No, we're not gonna do that.
We're not gonna lower the price.
Okay, so that's when Yeah, so, when they were like they were just like, Strike! Strike! You're not gonna sell that.
No, this is a revolution.
Any of the other newsies they saw with newspapers, they would take them, and they would rip the papers up.
William Randolph Hearst and Joseph Pulitzer sent men in to go into the streets to, like, try to control these newsies.
The newsies attacked these men.
They attacked the men.
They jumped on them.
They were like, Uh-uh, no, no, no, no.
But really what what really did something was they all walked and stormed and held up traffic on Brooklyn Bridge.
Kid Blink is giving a speech.
He's saying Friends and coworkers, we got to stick together like glue.
We This is a time this is something we need to do.
Even if you're blind.
You have to do this.
Police drove up, and they were like That's the exact noise that the police car made.
- Oh, wait.
- There you go.
So the cops were like, You're going to jail.
And these kids were like, What are we gonna do now? Like, we have nothing.
And then Kid Blink shows up.
And he is dressed to the nines, and he has a wad of cash.
And he's like, Hey, it's not that bad, we should probably stop doing what we're doing.
We should you know, we should respect the rules.
We should go back to our lives.
All is good.
So the beret No, wait.
Uh, Morris Cohen was like, I get it.
You've been bought out.
Well They bought you out.
Like, look at you.
And so they kicked Kid Blink out of the club.
It was like, You are not cool.
You're a scab and an asshole.
And then Morris Cohen took over and said, We're not gonna go down like that.
We're not gonna get bought out.
We're gonna do this! And so they were growing in numbers.
More and more kids were joining the newsboys' strike.
And it spread to, like, And people weren't able to buy newspapers.
Then so finally these bigwig men were like, We got to meet with these kids.
So then so then they finally met with Morris Cohen.
Sat down and said, Hey, what do you want? And the kids were like, You have to lower the price of the newspapers.
And they said, We're not gonna do that.
And they said, Okay, well, then you at least need to buy back the papers that we don't sell.
And they said, Okay, we'll do that.
And the kids were like, Hoorah! You know, you can't mess with us.
We have figured it out.
Da-da-da-daa! We win.
It was a wonderful, wonderful time.
Wonderful day.
The newsies united and created change.
Yay, kids.
You haven't seen the movie "Newsies"? - There's a lot of dancing.
- How would you make "Newsies"? - I would - Who would you cast? Oh, God, who would I Oh.
I would cast Oh, my God, One Direction.
I'm go I need I'm hungry.
Please, all right.
I'm gonna go.
Please, don't [bleep] around.
No, you don't get any of this.
- I want some.
- I ordered this, like, days ago.
I'm Jen Kirkman with a fun pillow, and today we're gonna talk about the story historical story of Nast, the political cartoonist, versus Tweed.
So, um, William Tweed is known as Boss Tweed, and he was in with this group of guys dubbed Tammany Hall.
So it's all these [bleep] white guy, fat guy Congress-[bleep], and they're like, We're all in bed, in the sack, whatever, up the ass of Boss Tweed.
And people loved him, because at Christmas, he gave out turkeys.
Here's your turkey, poor people.
And gifts.
And they're like, Oh, what's up? We love him.
So Thomas Nast was a political cartoonist for "Harper's Weekly.
" It wasn't, like, Garfield.
It was like, people take him seriously.
Okay, so "The New York Times" in 1871, they were like, Hey, we have hard [bleep] evidence that Tweed is scamming money off the bonds in the city, and he is putting New York $90 million in debt.
The thing is, nobody read it.
So So Nast is like Okay, whatevs.
We don't need any more fat, white guys coming into our house stealing our money.
So So basically Nast, you know, portrayed him as like a [bleep] monster.
His editor was like, What are you doing this week? And he's like, Oh, I'm making Tweed look like jowly, fat bag of money, you know, under a top hat.
So that was when Tweed, uh that was Wait.
Can I start again? - Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
That was Wait.
Hang on.
So he's like, My constituents are poor.
They don't care about "The New York Times" and all that bougie [bleep].
My constituents don't know how to read.
I'm not afraid of this article that blatantly exposes what I did.
I'm just concerned with these goddamn pictures, because the pictures can tell a story a lot faster than all those wordy word can.
So he calls Nast, and he's like, Uh, I'll give 100 grand if you stop with the [bleep] cartoon.
And Nast goes, Um, all right, hang on.
Let me think about it.
So Nast gets back on the phone with Tweed.
He goes, Hey, I want $500,000 to stop the cartoon.
And Tweed immediately is like Okay.
And then Nast was like Dude, psych.
At no price will I [bleep] stop doing these cartoons.
So what happens is he does one more.
It's all the Tammany Hall guys.
They're all standing in a circle pointing at the next one like Who stole the money? This guy, this guy, this guy, this guy.
And for some reason, that just strikes a chord in people.
This is the power of cartoons.
They're like, Well, wait.
Maybe he is stealing our [bleep] money.
Oh, my goodness, I can't, you know, comply with this.
So nobody voted for Tweed in the next election, and because of the cartoons, he goes to jail for fraud and all that [bleep].
So this fat [bleep] is in jail.
He cannot handle it.
He's like, I cannot be in prison.
I'm Tweed.
And then he escapes.
So he gets to Spain.
He tries to escape as a common sailor on a boat, which is even better than a non-common man in jail.
But the dudes on the boat in Spain, they're like Hey, dude, this is not Can I get a tissue? Can I get a tissue? - Can I just do that before the finish? - Yeah God.
Oh, jeez.
The Spanish people are like, We know the cartoons.
But Tweed was like You can't judge me.
They said Hey, get out of here, dude.
Go back to America.
Go back to jail.
He did.
It's [bleep] hot in here, and that's not a drunk thing.
It's like [bleep] humid in here.
- What are you - It's hot.
It's hot in here.
I'm hot.
No, Jen, we're not getting in the [bleep] pool.
Yes, we are.
It's a pool.
That's what people do in the hot weather.
It's cold! I'm not getting in the [bleep] pool.
It's hot out.
It's cool there.
- It's a pool.
You know how to swim.
- Stop, stop, stop, stop - I hate you.
- Shut the [bleep] up.
- I hate you.
- I love you.
I thought it would be fun.
- Are you hot? - No, now I'm freezing and really feeling weird about it.
Okay, so, after Boss Tweed went to jail, "Harper's" was like, Thank you for your time, still work here if you want, absolutely, but just draw, like, fun stuff.
Let's not get so political.
And he was like, No, I only want to draw what I believe in.
No one can stop the arts.
No one can stop drawing, dance, literature.
That's the truth-tellers in this world, are the [bleep] artists.
So, if you have a kid that's an artist, don't be like, "You're a loser.
What are you doing with your life?" They might someday take down the biggest man in town.
Let artists be artists, unless they're, like you know, they have nowhere to go, and they're just lip-syncing Madonna songs in the subway, but, you know, even that, just see where it goes.
Oh, [bleep].
You use your teeth to do the claws? - Yeah.
- You're, like, a real man.
No, I mean, it's just, like I'm too impatient.
You know, act like you're from Baltimore now.
- Ready? - Ready.
Yeah, just like that.