Due South (1994) s02e11 Episode Script
We Are the Eggmen
All right, that's it.
Just crouch.
Just watch him.
All right now.
All right great.
Close the gap, pick up your pace.
Charge! Aw, Diefenbaker.
Do I have to remind you that you are a carnivore, that you are genetically predisposed to hunt, or have you forgotten that? It's hopeless.
I should never have taken you out of your element and brought you to the city.
You've gone soft.
No, there's only thing to do and that's to mail you back to the Yukon, where you belong.
Ahh, now a few elementary drills doesn't sound so bad, does it? All right, let's go.
Ah ah! Watch your language.
Now, pick up the scent again.
Start to stalk.
That's it.
Pick up your pace.
Not too fast.
All right.
That's it.
All right.
Now, measure your charge.
If you even so much as contemplate laughing, my friend, I swear I will crate you up so quickly that Sir, sir, are you all right? Excuse me, sir.
it's Constable Benton Fraser Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
Are are you all right? Yeah, I'm okay.
Thank you.
Oh my god, what did you do to my eggs!? I'm very sorry about your eggs, sir but you were headed for an open trench.
You son of a You see, you were headed for an open trench.
What am I gonna do now? I think we can probably salvage some of them.
Hey, you did enough already.
Get out of here.
Well, perhaps I should go call someone for Get out of here! Due South S02E11 "We Are The Eggmen" Come in.
Constable Fraser, this is Linus Prince.
Hi, pleased to meet you.
Same here.
He's a lawyer.
For Mr.
Lyndon Buxley, the man who's life you ruined.
Excuse me? Something about eggs.
Your actions caused my client to loose a contract that was vital to his business.
And since the accident he's suffered severe trauma and emotional distress.
Oh.
Well, I'mI'mI'm very sorry to hear that.
If there's anything I can do to help.
There most definitely is Constable.
You can provide restitution.
He's suing us.
The complaint sites you, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and the government of Canada for the loss of income, bodily harm and mental anguish.
.
as a result of your wanton behavior.
Well, I ahem, I'm not sure the word - wanton is what you're looking for - Fraser.
Sir, I was trying to prevent a serious accident.
Your client was heading for an open trench.
How much did you have to drink that night? I beg your pardon? There was no open trench.
You forced him off the road.
Yes, there was an open trench, Mr.
Prince.
I fell into it.
While I was hunting with my wolf.
How much exactly are you looking for Mr.
Prince? Ten million dollars.
You have my number.
And you'll want to call soon.
The longer you wait, the higher the price.
Don't say it.
You were only trying to help.
Yes, actually.
Dismissed.
Get me legal affairs in Ottawa.
Fraser, one more thing? If you ever get the urge to help me, do me a favor? Resist it.
Understood.
Yes, this is Inspector Thatcher in Chicago.
Welcome to America, Benny.
The land of litigation.
You know you can sue your barber for giving you a bad haircut? The man was in trouble, Ray.
Well, that's what you get for being a good Samaritan.
You say you were helping a guy, he says you were interfering.
I didn't do anything wrong.
Well, it doesn't matter.
In this country the guy who brings the suit doesn't have to pay the costs and nine times out of ten they hire a slippery lawyer and it's cheaper to settle than fight back.
But of course that won't happen in this case because as soon as we can clear up the misunderstanding of the open trench Look, I just want you to be prepared.
If it comes down to your word to his, in a Chicago court room, the money's gonna be on the hometown boy.
Now the cover was off that trench, Ray.
Now we prove it, you're off the hook, but if we can't, don't take it personally.
Come on.
We got 45 minutes.
Hey, you guys want a sandwich? My sister's new business.
She's taken over the kitchen at home.
Well, you know.
It keeps me busy.
Gets me out.
I'm kinda a people person, you know.
You hungry Benton? As a matter of fact, I am.
How much do I owe you? Ah.
Nada.
[Sp.
.]
= Nothing.
You get the good looking eligible bachelor discount.
Thank you kindly.
You got proscuitto? - Yeah, six bucks.
- Six bucks? What? You're my brother.
Besides, even if you weren't you're not my type.
Ah, then you're out of luck.
I've only got five.
And besides, I ran out of toothpaste this morning.
Huh, You and your system.
He thinks if he runs out of a personal care product That means he'll win the lottery.
All right, make fun of me now.
All right, buy me a five while you're at it, okay? Yeah, but it's gonna cost ya.
Thanks.
Come on.
He's my brother, I have to put up with him.
What are you thinking? Sneed, what are you doing here man? It's time to pay the piper Lyndon.
If you're lucky Mr.
Marshack here might make an offer on this dump.
You very lucky he just might, just cover your marker.
Hey hey, come on.
Hey, you cannot take this farm away.
- Oh? - No.
I I just need a little more time, okay? You clowns always think it's about time.
It's not about time.
Look man, I'm about to make a really really big score.
- A big score? - I swear to God.
- Hundred grand? - Hundred grand is peanuts.
I I'm suing the Canadian government.
That's original.
That's original.
Lawyers say it's a slam dunk.
Going to settle for 5 - uh, million - Ah! So I'm gonna pay you back maybe Lyndon, Lyndon, parties over.
You better hope and pray I find a buyer for this place if your future ain't gonna be worth the change you leave behind.
Hey, hey, you can't take that.
Ah, excuse me sir, you can't take that.
So you breed these yourself? Interesting.
You can't take those, those are my eggs, man.
Mr.
Marshack can take anything he wants.
Now you play your dime, you take your wrack.
Did you hear me, Lyndon? Those are my eggs.
Come on, come on nothing.
Well, this plate has obviously been replaced.
Yeah, no kidding? It's under construction.
They move it every day.
You know, I don't know why I but these things I never win.
Look at these scrape marks, Ray.
They appear to be fresh.
You're gonna have a hard time convincing the judge that between the time you ran the guy off the road and the time the cops showed up that an emergency road crew came out here and did road repairs.
Come on, come on.
I'm squeezing like a You know, this is nothing but a tax on the poor.
These plates were lifted in by a machine.
Where as this plate was levered in with some difficulty.
Probably a crowbar.
So what are you saying? There's some guy running around at 4 o'clock in the morning replacing wayward trench covers? I don't think so, Benny.
If you ask me, I'd say settle.
There's no shame in settling, it happens all the time.
I think I'm gonna go and talk to him.
It's only a couple of miles.
I can walk from here and you have to get back anyway.
- Talk to who? - The eggman.
The eggman? He's the enemy.
The only explanation he's looking for comes in large denominations.
He's probably gonna have to chase you I won 25 thousand dollars! Hey, hey, I know.
It is not your problem.
Nobodies blaming you.
I'm blaming myself.
I'm assuming full responsibility.
Yeah, hey, you don't have to tell me I'm a compulsive gambler, I know I'm a compulsive gambler.
I'm assuming total responsibility.
What I'm trying to explain to you is that we have got something going now sweetheart that cannot miss, okay? It is not a long shot.
No-no-no-no.
It's gonna put us on the map kids.
No more worries.
Nothing.
Okay? Yes, I'm promising.
Right? Son of a What's he doing here? Ah, Mr.
Buxley.
Yes? Mr.
Buxley might I suggest that you hold your fire.
Ah, If not for my sake at least for the sake of your French Houdans.
How do you know I got French Houdans? Oh, I'd recognize those voices anywhere.
You see as it turns out I'm not entirely unfamiliar with poultry.
My my grandfather bred fowl.
When we lived in Yetyak Flats, in his spare time of course.
And in.
.
Yetyak Flats, there was there was a surplus of spare time.
As a.
.
as a matter of fact, I remember one occasion when when he actually tried to introduce a pair of Andalusians to a flock of Brahmas and you, well you can imagine the results.
- What do you want? - Well, I'd like to have a word with you.
May I? This is your research station? Yeah.
High nitrogen content? That's for the shells.
These spices are corianderginseng root, myerr and I can't place the other two.
That's cause it's a secret.
Ah.
- And this would be uh - that's your treadmill.
See, the way I look at it, you put a chicken in a little tiny cage and never give him a little exercise, that's no good.
This way they get in shape, they're gonna perform maybe two, three, four, five years past the average.
These two are remarkable.
These're Adam and Eve.
It took 25 years to produce these two.
And these are their eggs? Yes.
Their eggs.
May I? Go ahead.
- Hey? - That was a fine egg.
Those eggs are gonna put me on a map, my boy.
But in the meantime business is slow.
Yeah, real slow now thanks to the incident we had.
You think this law suit is your way out? Yeah, that's nothing personal.
Just exercising my indigenous rights so to speak.
Mr.
Buxley, if they discover it was you that covered that open trench, and you'll be liable to the criminal charge of fraud.
Gee, since I didn't do that I don't have anything to worry about, do I? You know I think this is all very nice but I think maybe this conversation is concluded now.
I think the next time I see you, we are be in court.
- Very well.
- Take your eggs.
- Ah, thank you.
- Nothing, God bless you.
Well, well, well, if it isn't Jan Paul Getty, Miss Captain of Industry, the Duchess of All right Ray, enough.
Just Pay my fine, will you? Not so fast.
As a responsible and concerned police officer I just want to make sure you're learned your lesson.
How was I suppose to know that I needed a vendors permit to sell at the Merc.
? Just a wild idea Frannie? Maybe you should have asked someone? Uh Ray, did you get that information? Look, there were no road crews and that open trench must have been a figment of your imagination.
- I fell into it, Ray.
- Well, then you fell into a figment.
This is just a simple misunderstanding over a permit.
Could you please tell my brother just to pay my fine and let me get out of here, please.
Well, that should be simple enough, Ray with your good fortune today.
Good fortune? Fraser.
Hello? What good fortune? No good fortune.
Just sit there.
Fraser, this is not a good time to be telling Frannie about the lottery ticket.
Well, why isn't it Ray? She won half the money.
No.
Frannie did not win any of the money.
I won all the money.
Ray, I don't think that's true, strictly speaking.
I mean while it is true that you scratched off all of the tickets, Francesca bought half of the tickets therefore technically she should be entitled to half the money, - isn't that right? - No.
Her tickets did not win and mine did.
End of story.
Ah.
What do you mean Ah? Frannie did not win are we clear on this? If you say so, yes.
What? Have you been taking guilt lessons from my mother? Not that I recall.
All right then, case closed, okay, and not another word of this to Frannie, all right? - I'll tell her when the time is right.
- Ah.
Will you stop with the Ah? All right, all right.
Ray, Should we uh Na, let her sit there and consider her crime.
I'm terribly sorry, Francesca.
So much detail after such a long flight.
This Fraser's is open a big mess for us.
Can we mitigate the damage? Nothing is beyond repair in the right hands.
You know the office hasn't been the same without you Maggie.
Ottawa misses you.
- Coffee? - That's splendid.
I've cleared my schedule to handle this case myself, you know.
And a chance to see my protégé how could I pass that up? Dief.
: Woof! Fraser! Constable Benton Fraser, RCMP Councilor Anri [Henri.]
Cloutier.
I've heard much about you, Fraser.
Your heroics are gonna cost us a lot of money.
What is this? If I may? A simple form accepting responsibility for having caused the accident.
But I-I I have already done the ground work with Mr.
Buxley's lawyer.
He and I feel certain that a settlement can be reached.
Well, with all due respect, sir, it would be wrong for me to sign this.
Inspector Thatcher and I have dinner plans.
Why don't you take the evening to consider the repercussions of your position.
Ben! I'm ah.
.
sorry about dinner.
I won't be too late.
Too late for what? Too late for dinner.
Dismissed.
Shall we? Inspector! Nice neighborhood, Fraser.
Thank you.
You live like this? Yes.
Anyway, um about what I said earlier in my office today.
Uh, you see I called Ottawa, which uh given the particular circumstances, circumstances which I hold you entirely responsible for, anyway, um, I just didn't expect that he would be the one assigned.
You see I um, spend eight months.
.
so working for him and in the course of that eight months, I'm sorry um, if-if I made it seem today like.
.
we I'm sorry for the ruse.
It's just that there have been occasions in my career where I have found it necessary to um Deflect? Yes.
There have been occasions in my carrier where I have found it necessary to deflect the attention of male superiors.
And if I made it awkward or uncomfortable for you today I want to apologize.
There's no reason to apologize.
I understand.
Thank you.
Now, ahem why are you being so stubborn about this? - About what? - The settlement.
Why won't you sign it.
- Well, if I could explain - Fraser.
There will be no skin off your nose.
The Canadian government won't bat an eye lash, all you have to do is sign it.
Then you'll have the eggman out of your hair, I'll have Cloutier out of mine.
I can't.
Why not? Just give me one good reason why not? Mmm.
It's delicious.
It's naturally low in cholesterol too.
This is not ordinary farmer.
I mean the quality of this egg suggests he is something of an artist.
Oh, now I get it.
In spite of the fact that he filed a law suit against you, you believe you can show him the error of his way, appeal to his conscious and save his soul for the pure pursuit of his god given talent.
One day.
One day to prove whatever it is your trying to prove.
- One day as in? - 24 hours.
That's it.
.
and then you sign.
As in one day.
That makes a good egg.
No doubt about it.
A gold mine to someone who can get this to the mass market.
Could be you, boss.
I'm sold.
Get him to sign over everything.
No problem.
Nice flavor.
Uh oh, now, we gonna look, hormonal imbalance here, baby.
I think we're gonna stop with the Mozart and go back to the Shostakovich.
'Cause it's gonna lower your estrogen, okay? We'll think of something, okay? Maybe Staffingarpelli.
Hey, how you doing, Sneed? Mr.
Marshack has assumed your debt and he wants his restitution.
Have no choice.
Well uh, I'm sorry, you can't do this to me.
All you have to do is sign and you're free and clear.
I'll even give you the pen.
Uh, you don't understand Sneed, this is all I got, okay? I really appreciate this uh it's a very nice pen what is it a melblack? Come here, you hold him.
- You wouldn't.
- You want to try me? Ah, come on, you can't! You're weird, Buxley! I've seen guys go down for their families, for their girlfriends, even their dogs.
Ha-ha, but chickens? Ha-ha seen first! Just give me the thing, I'll sign it, okay? Come on, come on, I'll sign it, give me the pen.
Just leave the chickens alone.
Well, I did what any gentleman would do, all right? I scratched the tickets her five dollars bought first.
Besides possession is nine tenths of the law anyway.
Well, possession affords one a prima facie argument for the retaining of the assets, the declaration of ownership, Ray still would require a higher court.
Well, not in the Vecchio household.
You think I'd be getting a cut if she was holding the winning ticket? Not a chance.
Huh.
A feather? Oh, it certainly screams conspiracy to me, Benny.
Ah, Notice the healthy sheen Ray and the yellow coloration of the tip? This feather could only come from one chicken.
So let's go get him.
You sure you want that wolf running around with all these chickens? Well, as long as they're not in possession of any milk-duds, they should be fine, Ray.
He hasn't kicked that junk food habit yet? Well, you know they say it's harder than heroin.
Good afternoon.
Something I can help you with? Yeah, where's the chicken man? Mr.
Buxley no longer lives here.
Is there anything I can help you with? Are you in any way connected with Mr.
Buxley? I'm the proprietor of this establishment.
Well, that makes sense.
Why hang around this dump when you figure to cash in on 10 million bucks.
- Well, he seemed very dedicated, Ray.
- What's this about? Fraud.
These are exhibits a and b.
Hey, hey, wait a second these are my chickens.
What's the deal here? These chickens here are involved in a high profile crime, perpetrated by Lyndon Buxley.
All the paper works in order.
If you guys got a complaint, take it up with Judge DeLuca.
Excuse me.
I promise you sir, I will personally care for your fowl.
You have nothing to be concerned about.
When do I get 'em back? When the case is closed.
I'll be right back.
I'm just gonna go cash my lottery ticket.
Why are you following me? Well, I'm not following you exactly, Ray.
I'm walking beside you.
You're not gonna leave me alone on this are you? On what? Look Fraser, this isn't about she said this and I said that, okay? This is bigger than just who anted up.
Ah.
You mean on the issue of who's entitled to the money.
This is payback time, Fraser.
This is for the time she ratted me out for smoking a cigar in the basement with David Contee, for the time she told Paula Scriptiano that I was a junior for the time she didn't show up at the Academy for my graduation because she had to go see Donny Osmond at the Beacon, okay? This isn't my victory, Fraser, this is cosmic justice.
Ah.
I see.
No you don't.
I don't even know why I try.
Hey! - Buxley! - He smashed my window! The chickens are gone.
Who cares about the chickens, he smashed my window! Well, the chickens are gone, Ray.
Oh, good riddance to the chickens.
I didn't like them anyways.
Ah, it's okay baby, it's not personal.
The guy just had a deep desire to get to his chickens.
Well, the chickens were his life, Ray, it's understandable he'd go to great lengths to retrieve them.
There's no excuse for one man to damage another mans fine vintage automobile over a couple of oven roasters.
Ah, that's disgusting.
What are you doin'? Well, he has written something on this book.
Raptures plus three.
Timber Wolves minus two.
Kings, Clippers plus eight.
Yeah, those are basketball teams and this is a betting sheet.
You see, those are the teams he things are gonna win and that's the point spread.
Ah, this guy's a chump.
Who would take the Clippers even with points.
Well, perhaps a man more efficient at farming than he is at gambling.
Where are we going? We gonna visit a family friend.
Cicero Dairy Corporation What do you mean the cops took the chickens? Those are the birds laying the golden eggs.
Without them all I got is a couple of broken down buildings and a worthless piece of land.
- I didn't know, I'm sorry.
- Sorry don't cut it.
I made a deal for Buxley's farm and everything on it.
Without the chickens, all bets are off.
Now get out of here.
Fix it.
I know, I know.
I hate the city too.
Come on, let's forget about it, okay? You just got to eat your food.
I know I know I know, you're used to the best of food.
I gave it to you all your life.
Baby, I'm sorry, okay? Come on, you force yourself to eat it cause it's nutritious, okay? You don't have to like it.
All right, all right sweet heart.
Evie, daddy's gonna get you your real food, okay? You take care of Evie, okay Adam? I don't know how I'm gonna do it, but I'm gonna get you real food.
My old man used to come here all the time.
He'd tell my mother we were gonna the park but we'd always end up here.
I never once saw him cut his hair.
You didn't like to see his hair being cut? No! This is Bert Block's place.
He's a bookie.
He's been around hair.
He knows this town inside and out.
Then he said: Don't be ridiculous.
That canary can't sing.
The mouse has an utterance! ha-hah! Hey Bert, how are you doin'? Ray? Ray Vecchio, is that you? No, It's my ghost! Of course it's me, buddy.
- How are you doin'? - Ah I'd like you to meet a good friend of mine.
Bert Benny, Benny Bert.
Pleased to meet you.
Hey hey Ray, You grew up nice! Use to be the softest kid I ever know.
His old man be listening to the radio and screamin' for those Nicks to run faster and little Ray would be there in the corner stuffin' his face with crullers all chubby - Bert! - and bloated Bert, I think that's a little more information than my friend needs to know.
Yeah, what can I do you for boys? Well, we have misplaced some extremely important chickens.
We believe that information about who ever is delayed these bets.
My helpless locate.
Chickens.
Chickens.
Yeah, the guy's name is Lyndon Buxley.
We got a hunch that maybe he is squish around somebody's book maybe make you calls for us? I don't have to, Ray.
A loser like Buxley story gets out.
He got as line up over one hundred large with the fellow.
But everything work done okay.
What's the guy like him get hundred grams? He didn't.
His bookie wand of sold his market to some guy.
The bookie got his money and life goes on.
Thank you kindly for your help.
[Spanish.]
Mucho gusto.
(Nice to meet you.
) - Thanks, Bert.
- Nice coat.
Uh, listen now.
One more thing.
Did my old man ever win, even once? Ray! That would have spoiled his fun! Thanks again, Bert.
I don't know if this is a ideal place to talk business, it's a little dark.
I can see everything I need to.
I spoke to Constable Fraser, I think he might be ready to come around.
Constable Fraser, I must admit I'm a little surprised by your relationship with him.
Yes, well, we both know I like to keep my personal life personal.
Don't underestimate your potential, Meg.
Remember your ambition.
You've done well so far.
You could do even better with the right connections.
With a friend to help pave the way.
Fraser! Ah.
Inspector.
I thought it important to inform you there's been an emergency.
Emergency? - Yes.
With your car.
- What about it? It's on fire.
- Oh, please! - No, it is.
It's burning away.
All the other cars feel threatened.
You're making this up.
Yes, I am.
- What do you think you're going? - With him.
- Oh, perhaps I didn't make myself clear.
- No Andre you made yourself perfectly clear.
Now let me make myself clear.
I'm sick of your innuendos.
I didn't join the RCMP to get chased around a desk.
I'm going with Constable Fraser, you do what you want about that.
Sorry to have interrupted your dinner.
Ah, Inspector, I'm sorry about the ruse, but I believe I've determined the cause of the accident other night.
I think Lyndon Buxley will reconsider his legal action.
Thank you kindly.
What are you doin' here? I assumed you wouldn't want to feed Adam and Eve anything but the best.
Do me a favor, okay? Just leave me alone, all right? Until I sue you.
I'd rather help you if I may.
What are you, crazy? I'm suing you for 10 million dollars and you want to help me? Why? That's what I wanted to know.
Who's this woman? This is my superior officer, Inspector Margaret Thatcher.
Lyndon, I know the kind of trouble you're in.
I know you needed money to pay off your bookie, that's why you sold your farm in the first place.
That's why you set up that hole in the road and that's why you tried to sue me.
- He set up the hole? - Yes.
He planned to drive into it and then blame it on Cook County but when I interfered with his plan, it provided him the opportunity to sue an entire government.
And that's why he went back and covered up the trench.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Yeah, I know.
If you'll excuse me I gotta go feed my chickens, okay? That's it? After all that, we're gonna let him go? I don't see what else we can do.
Interfere! You always interfere! No! Yes.
I'm taking you to see Mr.
Marshack.
What are you doin'? Interfering.
- Where's he taking us? - I wouldn't hazard a guess, ma'am.
Do you still have your cellular phone with [you.]
? May I have permission to? - Permission granted.
- Thank you.
What are you waiting for? Well, I don't want my hesitation to appear unprocedual, ma'am it's just I'm not sure which cellular provider you use and since we're likely to be on a transponder boundary line, and there'll undoubtedly be a nominal expense accrued.
Nominal I say - Just do it! - Uh, yes.
Vecchio.
Hurry up, the batteries running low! Ray, it's Fraser.
Buxley has been kidnapped.
Inspector Thatcher and I stowed away aboard the kidnapper's vehicle.
- So where are you? - We're in a truck.
Well, where's the truck? - It's on a road, Ray.
- Hurry up! What? Apparently the batter is running low.
All right, look, give me a license plate number.
Ah, yes, I only saw it for a split second but it's Illinois plate, 5-0-6-9 Oh dear.
Hello? Hello? Elaine! Oh, could you get me a number on a truck? Five zero six nine.
That's it? There could be hundreds of matches.
Yeah well, that's all we got.
What do you want from me? Just what you owe me, chicken man.
You already got my farm.
II don't have anything else.
I want your research, Lyndon.
Not your live stock.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Why you kidnapped two of your most valuable birds, I want 'em back.
If you could do that for me, huh? Nah, I don't think so.
Never.
Never say never, Lyndon.
Mr.
Marshack, we got trouble.
- Solve the case.
- [My.]
pleasure.
This way! They're down here! Oh dear.
We're gonna burn up in here.
I think that's unlikely ma'am.
This would appear to be a late model Akison Type incubator with a maximum out put of 50 degree Celsius or 120 degrees Fahrenheit.
- So were safe then.
- Oh yes, yes.
Well, That is until the carbon dioxide we exhale combines with the sulfuric acid, the ammonium and the nitric oxide which without proper ventilation can be a common hazard of incubators of this type.
And then? And then we die.
Any chance of getting that door open? I don't think so.
It would appear to be double reinforced steel with a eTech electronic lock.
Which means? Which means they brought an extraordinary good door.
Why? Perhaps they foresaw this exact situation.
Perhaps they were just trying to prevent the chicks from escaping.
Perhaps.
How come you told everyone else in the world that ticket won.
Except me! Uh, it slipped my mind.
Twenty five thousand dollars slipped your mind? Look, if I had thought about it I'had told you but I didn't think about it, okay? That money is half mine you know.
Look, no it is not.
Now will you leave me alone? I got seven hundred license plate numbers I have to go through here? Don't wiggle out of this one, Ray.
Look, you ask anybody, all right? They'll tell you it's my money.
- You ask anybody.
- Ok, lets do that thing.
Huey.
What do you think? Even Steven.
It was your money.
Mmm.
Elaine.
How 'bout it? - Ray, pay the woman her money.
- Yeah.
The rest of you.
How many of you think I deserve half the winnings? Come on, let's see some hands.
- You're right.
- You're right.
Ah, thank you for your support.
It's still mine.
You're such a rat.
All right, this has got to be the one.
Elaine, get me an address on The Cicero Dairy and radio me in my car.
Will you stop walking away from me? I'm walking don't you see me walking and pretty soon, I'll be driving.
Well then, I'm coming with you.
Oh no, you're not.
So try and stop me.
I think I found the contact points for the release mechanism.
If we ever do get out of here, I'm gonna have to find a new career.
Well, I hope I haven't been in anyway responsible for that, ma'am.
No, it's not your fault.
That was something I should have done a long time ago.
We're Mounties.
We're suppose to have ideals.
Of course, if we're dead Mounties, our ideals won't mean much will they? Huh.
Something? Well, I think it's possible to bypass the release mechanism.
But I need a piece of wire about 7 centimeters in length.
Yes, 7 centimeters.
Take off your tunic.
I beg your pardon? Take off your tunic, Constable, that's an order.
Good thinking ma'am.
Fraser? Just joking.
You could have done it the easy way, Lyndon.
I love my chickens! It's not too late.
No! I'm asking you one more time Buxley, where are the chickens? Stop.
You want to know where I left those chickens? Suck an egg! Fraser, if this doesn't work and uh we don't make it out of here as your commanding officer, I just wanted to say that, a-as someone you work for, I just wanted to say that as someone you work with I-I just wanted to tell you I got it.
You were saying? Another time.
All right, all right, all right! I'll tell you, okay? That's better.
I ain't got all day, Lyndon.
Well? Well? Well? Let me catch myself.
No, I can't do it.
I can't do it! Put him down.
No! You're a heartless pig! You hadyou had your chance.
You gonna leave my babies all alone! Let me out! Put him down and leave him down.
I love my chickens.
We need a kind of diversion.
Can you throw? [Earned run average in baseball statistics.]
That's good.
Hit the red button.
What's goin' on? Way to go, Mountie! Tell me, what kind of man cheats his own sister, Ray? I didn't cheat you.
What did you think you'd do, start lighting cigars with hundred dollar bills - and I wouldn't notice? - I don't smoke.
That's not the issue.
You're avoiding.
Avoiding and stealing.
What do you think Ma's gonna say? Not so fast, pal.
Unless you wanna play chicken.
- Ray! - Evening Benny.
Inspector.
Well, it's very good of you to come.
May I? Ah, no problem.
You know, I been thinking, Benny, I can't take the guilt any more.
I'm gonna give half that money to Francesca.
No! Watch him! Which came first Mr.
Sneed? the chicken or the egg.
[Ray.]
No!!! I'll watch him, you go.
Thank you ma'am.
I'll tell you later.
Ray! For saving the life of egg farmer Lyndon Buxley and his prize hens, for protecting Canada against an opportunistic legal act, sounds pretty good, Benny.
Hey, who's this guy Henry Clouteer? That's Anri Cloutier.
He's with Legal affairs office in Ottawa.
The guy gives you a commendation and you don't tell me about it? I gotta read about it on page four? Well, Inspector Thatcher deserves all the credit as my commanding officer.
Which brings me to another subject I'd like to talk about.
Fire away.
- Women.
- Enough.
Ha-ha, No, I'm serious.
You mean to tell me you haven't noticed that Inspector Thatcher is a good looking woman? Well, that wouldn't be appropriate for me to comment on, Ray.
So you do notice.
I didn't say that.
Ah.
Ah? What do you mean 'Ah'? Oh nothing, just 'Ah'.
No, you must mean something by 'Ah'.
Oh, I think this 'Ah' thing is a pretty-pretty meaning trick.
Well, it's not a trick, Ray.
Oh, like you didn't use it to make me feel guilty - about the lottery ticket.
- No, I didn't.
- Ah.
- Honestly.
What, you don't believe me? I didn't say that.
Ah.
By : Reza Fa.
Many thanks to [duesouth.
blogfa.
com.]
for script.
Version : 3
Just crouch.
Just watch him.
All right now.
All right great.
Close the gap, pick up your pace.
Charge! Aw, Diefenbaker.
Do I have to remind you that you are a carnivore, that you are genetically predisposed to hunt, or have you forgotten that? It's hopeless.
I should never have taken you out of your element and brought you to the city.
You've gone soft.
No, there's only thing to do and that's to mail you back to the Yukon, where you belong.
Ahh, now a few elementary drills doesn't sound so bad, does it? All right, let's go.
Ah ah! Watch your language.
Now, pick up the scent again.
Start to stalk.
That's it.
Pick up your pace.
Not too fast.
All right.
That's it.
All right.
Now, measure your charge.
If you even so much as contemplate laughing, my friend, I swear I will crate you up so quickly that Sir, sir, are you all right? Excuse me, sir.
it's Constable Benton Fraser Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
Are are you all right? Yeah, I'm okay.
Thank you.
Oh my god, what did you do to my eggs!? I'm very sorry about your eggs, sir but you were headed for an open trench.
You son of a You see, you were headed for an open trench.
What am I gonna do now? I think we can probably salvage some of them.
Hey, you did enough already.
Get out of here.
Well, perhaps I should go call someone for Get out of here! Due South S02E11 "We Are The Eggmen" Come in.
Constable Fraser, this is Linus Prince.
Hi, pleased to meet you.
Same here.
He's a lawyer.
For Mr.
Lyndon Buxley, the man who's life you ruined.
Excuse me? Something about eggs.
Your actions caused my client to loose a contract that was vital to his business.
And since the accident he's suffered severe trauma and emotional distress.
Oh.
Well, I'mI'mI'm very sorry to hear that.
If there's anything I can do to help.
There most definitely is Constable.
You can provide restitution.
He's suing us.
The complaint sites you, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and the government of Canada for the loss of income, bodily harm and mental anguish.
.
as a result of your wanton behavior.
Well, I ahem, I'm not sure the word - wanton is what you're looking for - Fraser.
Sir, I was trying to prevent a serious accident.
Your client was heading for an open trench.
How much did you have to drink that night? I beg your pardon? There was no open trench.
You forced him off the road.
Yes, there was an open trench, Mr.
Prince.
I fell into it.
While I was hunting with my wolf.
How much exactly are you looking for Mr.
Prince? Ten million dollars.
You have my number.
And you'll want to call soon.
The longer you wait, the higher the price.
Don't say it.
You were only trying to help.
Yes, actually.
Dismissed.
Get me legal affairs in Ottawa.
Fraser, one more thing? If you ever get the urge to help me, do me a favor? Resist it.
Understood.
Yes, this is Inspector Thatcher in Chicago.
Welcome to America, Benny.
The land of litigation.
You know you can sue your barber for giving you a bad haircut? The man was in trouble, Ray.
Well, that's what you get for being a good Samaritan.
You say you were helping a guy, he says you were interfering.
I didn't do anything wrong.
Well, it doesn't matter.
In this country the guy who brings the suit doesn't have to pay the costs and nine times out of ten they hire a slippery lawyer and it's cheaper to settle than fight back.
But of course that won't happen in this case because as soon as we can clear up the misunderstanding of the open trench Look, I just want you to be prepared.
If it comes down to your word to his, in a Chicago court room, the money's gonna be on the hometown boy.
Now the cover was off that trench, Ray.
Now we prove it, you're off the hook, but if we can't, don't take it personally.
Come on.
We got 45 minutes.
Hey, you guys want a sandwich? My sister's new business.
She's taken over the kitchen at home.
Well, you know.
It keeps me busy.
Gets me out.
I'm kinda a people person, you know.
You hungry Benton? As a matter of fact, I am.
How much do I owe you? Ah.
Nada.
[Sp.
.]
= Nothing.
You get the good looking eligible bachelor discount.
Thank you kindly.
You got proscuitto? - Yeah, six bucks.
- Six bucks? What? You're my brother.
Besides, even if you weren't you're not my type.
Ah, then you're out of luck.
I've only got five.
And besides, I ran out of toothpaste this morning.
Huh, You and your system.
He thinks if he runs out of a personal care product That means he'll win the lottery.
All right, make fun of me now.
All right, buy me a five while you're at it, okay? Yeah, but it's gonna cost ya.
Thanks.
Come on.
He's my brother, I have to put up with him.
What are you thinking? Sneed, what are you doing here man? It's time to pay the piper Lyndon.
If you're lucky Mr.
Marshack here might make an offer on this dump.
You very lucky he just might, just cover your marker.
Hey hey, come on.
Hey, you cannot take this farm away.
- Oh? - No.
I I just need a little more time, okay? You clowns always think it's about time.
It's not about time.
Look man, I'm about to make a really really big score.
- A big score? - I swear to God.
- Hundred grand? - Hundred grand is peanuts.
I I'm suing the Canadian government.
That's original.
That's original.
Lawyers say it's a slam dunk.
Going to settle for 5 - uh, million - Ah! So I'm gonna pay you back maybe Lyndon, Lyndon, parties over.
You better hope and pray I find a buyer for this place if your future ain't gonna be worth the change you leave behind.
Hey, hey, you can't take that.
Ah, excuse me sir, you can't take that.
So you breed these yourself? Interesting.
You can't take those, those are my eggs, man.
Mr.
Marshack can take anything he wants.
Now you play your dime, you take your wrack.
Did you hear me, Lyndon? Those are my eggs.
Come on, come on nothing.
Well, this plate has obviously been replaced.
Yeah, no kidding? It's under construction.
They move it every day.
You know, I don't know why I but these things I never win.
Look at these scrape marks, Ray.
They appear to be fresh.
You're gonna have a hard time convincing the judge that between the time you ran the guy off the road and the time the cops showed up that an emergency road crew came out here and did road repairs.
Come on, come on.
I'm squeezing like a You know, this is nothing but a tax on the poor.
These plates were lifted in by a machine.
Where as this plate was levered in with some difficulty.
Probably a crowbar.
So what are you saying? There's some guy running around at 4 o'clock in the morning replacing wayward trench covers? I don't think so, Benny.
If you ask me, I'd say settle.
There's no shame in settling, it happens all the time.
I think I'm gonna go and talk to him.
It's only a couple of miles.
I can walk from here and you have to get back anyway.
- Talk to who? - The eggman.
The eggman? He's the enemy.
The only explanation he's looking for comes in large denominations.
He's probably gonna have to chase you I won 25 thousand dollars! Hey, hey, I know.
It is not your problem.
Nobodies blaming you.
I'm blaming myself.
I'm assuming full responsibility.
Yeah, hey, you don't have to tell me I'm a compulsive gambler, I know I'm a compulsive gambler.
I'm assuming total responsibility.
What I'm trying to explain to you is that we have got something going now sweetheart that cannot miss, okay? It is not a long shot.
No-no-no-no.
It's gonna put us on the map kids.
No more worries.
Nothing.
Okay? Yes, I'm promising.
Right? Son of a What's he doing here? Ah, Mr.
Buxley.
Yes? Mr.
Buxley might I suggest that you hold your fire.
Ah, If not for my sake at least for the sake of your French Houdans.
How do you know I got French Houdans? Oh, I'd recognize those voices anywhere.
You see as it turns out I'm not entirely unfamiliar with poultry.
My my grandfather bred fowl.
When we lived in Yetyak Flats, in his spare time of course.
And in.
.
Yetyak Flats, there was there was a surplus of spare time.
As a.
.
as a matter of fact, I remember one occasion when when he actually tried to introduce a pair of Andalusians to a flock of Brahmas and you, well you can imagine the results.
- What do you want? - Well, I'd like to have a word with you.
May I? This is your research station? Yeah.
High nitrogen content? That's for the shells.
These spices are corianderginseng root, myerr and I can't place the other two.
That's cause it's a secret.
Ah.
- And this would be uh - that's your treadmill.
See, the way I look at it, you put a chicken in a little tiny cage and never give him a little exercise, that's no good.
This way they get in shape, they're gonna perform maybe two, three, four, five years past the average.
These two are remarkable.
These're Adam and Eve.
It took 25 years to produce these two.
And these are their eggs? Yes.
Their eggs.
May I? Go ahead.
- Hey? - That was a fine egg.
Those eggs are gonna put me on a map, my boy.
But in the meantime business is slow.
Yeah, real slow now thanks to the incident we had.
You think this law suit is your way out? Yeah, that's nothing personal.
Just exercising my indigenous rights so to speak.
Mr.
Buxley, if they discover it was you that covered that open trench, and you'll be liable to the criminal charge of fraud.
Gee, since I didn't do that I don't have anything to worry about, do I? You know I think this is all very nice but I think maybe this conversation is concluded now.
I think the next time I see you, we are be in court.
- Very well.
- Take your eggs.
- Ah, thank you.
- Nothing, God bless you.
Well, well, well, if it isn't Jan Paul Getty, Miss Captain of Industry, the Duchess of All right Ray, enough.
Just Pay my fine, will you? Not so fast.
As a responsible and concerned police officer I just want to make sure you're learned your lesson.
How was I suppose to know that I needed a vendors permit to sell at the Merc.
? Just a wild idea Frannie? Maybe you should have asked someone? Uh Ray, did you get that information? Look, there were no road crews and that open trench must have been a figment of your imagination.
- I fell into it, Ray.
- Well, then you fell into a figment.
This is just a simple misunderstanding over a permit.
Could you please tell my brother just to pay my fine and let me get out of here, please.
Well, that should be simple enough, Ray with your good fortune today.
Good fortune? Fraser.
Hello? What good fortune? No good fortune.
Just sit there.
Fraser, this is not a good time to be telling Frannie about the lottery ticket.
Well, why isn't it Ray? She won half the money.
No.
Frannie did not win any of the money.
I won all the money.
Ray, I don't think that's true, strictly speaking.
I mean while it is true that you scratched off all of the tickets, Francesca bought half of the tickets therefore technically she should be entitled to half the money, - isn't that right? - No.
Her tickets did not win and mine did.
End of story.
Ah.
What do you mean Ah? Frannie did not win are we clear on this? If you say so, yes.
What? Have you been taking guilt lessons from my mother? Not that I recall.
All right then, case closed, okay, and not another word of this to Frannie, all right? - I'll tell her when the time is right.
- Ah.
Will you stop with the Ah? All right, all right.
Ray, Should we uh Na, let her sit there and consider her crime.
I'm terribly sorry, Francesca.
So much detail after such a long flight.
This Fraser's is open a big mess for us.
Can we mitigate the damage? Nothing is beyond repair in the right hands.
You know the office hasn't been the same without you Maggie.
Ottawa misses you.
- Coffee? - That's splendid.
I've cleared my schedule to handle this case myself, you know.
And a chance to see my protégé how could I pass that up? Dief.
: Woof! Fraser! Constable Benton Fraser, RCMP Councilor Anri [Henri.]
Cloutier.
I've heard much about you, Fraser.
Your heroics are gonna cost us a lot of money.
What is this? If I may? A simple form accepting responsibility for having caused the accident.
But I-I I have already done the ground work with Mr.
Buxley's lawyer.
He and I feel certain that a settlement can be reached.
Well, with all due respect, sir, it would be wrong for me to sign this.
Inspector Thatcher and I have dinner plans.
Why don't you take the evening to consider the repercussions of your position.
Ben! I'm ah.
.
sorry about dinner.
I won't be too late.
Too late for what? Too late for dinner.
Dismissed.
Shall we? Inspector! Nice neighborhood, Fraser.
Thank you.
You live like this? Yes.
Anyway, um about what I said earlier in my office today.
Uh, you see I called Ottawa, which uh given the particular circumstances, circumstances which I hold you entirely responsible for, anyway, um, I just didn't expect that he would be the one assigned.
You see I um, spend eight months.
.
so working for him and in the course of that eight months, I'm sorry um, if-if I made it seem today like.
.
we I'm sorry for the ruse.
It's just that there have been occasions in my career where I have found it necessary to um Deflect? Yes.
There have been occasions in my carrier where I have found it necessary to deflect the attention of male superiors.
And if I made it awkward or uncomfortable for you today I want to apologize.
There's no reason to apologize.
I understand.
Thank you.
Now, ahem why are you being so stubborn about this? - About what? - The settlement.
Why won't you sign it.
- Well, if I could explain - Fraser.
There will be no skin off your nose.
The Canadian government won't bat an eye lash, all you have to do is sign it.
Then you'll have the eggman out of your hair, I'll have Cloutier out of mine.
I can't.
Why not? Just give me one good reason why not? Mmm.
It's delicious.
It's naturally low in cholesterol too.
This is not ordinary farmer.
I mean the quality of this egg suggests he is something of an artist.
Oh, now I get it.
In spite of the fact that he filed a law suit against you, you believe you can show him the error of his way, appeal to his conscious and save his soul for the pure pursuit of his god given talent.
One day.
One day to prove whatever it is your trying to prove.
- One day as in? - 24 hours.
That's it.
.
and then you sign.
As in one day.
That makes a good egg.
No doubt about it.
A gold mine to someone who can get this to the mass market.
Could be you, boss.
I'm sold.
Get him to sign over everything.
No problem.
Nice flavor.
Uh oh, now, we gonna look, hormonal imbalance here, baby.
I think we're gonna stop with the Mozart and go back to the Shostakovich.
'Cause it's gonna lower your estrogen, okay? We'll think of something, okay? Maybe Staffingarpelli.
Hey, how you doing, Sneed? Mr.
Marshack has assumed your debt and he wants his restitution.
Have no choice.
Well uh, I'm sorry, you can't do this to me.
All you have to do is sign and you're free and clear.
I'll even give you the pen.
Uh, you don't understand Sneed, this is all I got, okay? I really appreciate this uh it's a very nice pen what is it a melblack? Come here, you hold him.
- You wouldn't.
- You want to try me? Ah, come on, you can't! You're weird, Buxley! I've seen guys go down for their families, for their girlfriends, even their dogs.
Ha-ha, but chickens? Ha-ha seen first! Just give me the thing, I'll sign it, okay? Come on, come on, I'll sign it, give me the pen.
Just leave the chickens alone.
Well, I did what any gentleman would do, all right? I scratched the tickets her five dollars bought first.
Besides possession is nine tenths of the law anyway.
Well, possession affords one a prima facie argument for the retaining of the assets, the declaration of ownership, Ray still would require a higher court.
Well, not in the Vecchio household.
You think I'd be getting a cut if she was holding the winning ticket? Not a chance.
Huh.
A feather? Oh, it certainly screams conspiracy to me, Benny.
Ah, Notice the healthy sheen Ray and the yellow coloration of the tip? This feather could only come from one chicken.
So let's go get him.
You sure you want that wolf running around with all these chickens? Well, as long as they're not in possession of any milk-duds, they should be fine, Ray.
He hasn't kicked that junk food habit yet? Well, you know they say it's harder than heroin.
Good afternoon.
Something I can help you with? Yeah, where's the chicken man? Mr.
Buxley no longer lives here.
Is there anything I can help you with? Are you in any way connected with Mr.
Buxley? I'm the proprietor of this establishment.
Well, that makes sense.
Why hang around this dump when you figure to cash in on 10 million bucks.
- Well, he seemed very dedicated, Ray.
- What's this about? Fraud.
These are exhibits a and b.
Hey, hey, wait a second these are my chickens.
What's the deal here? These chickens here are involved in a high profile crime, perpetrated by Lyndon Buxley.
All the paper works in order.
If you guys got a complaint, take it up with Judge DeLuca.
Excuse me.
I promise you sir, I will personally care for your fowl.
You have nothing to be concerned about.
When do I get 'em back? When the case is closed.
I'll be right back.
I'm just gonna go cash my lottery ticket.
Why are you following me? Well, I'm not following you exactly, Ray.
I'm walking beside you.
You're not gonna leave me alone on this are you? On what? Look Fraser, this isn't about she said this and I said that, okay? This is bigger than just who anted up.
Ah.
You mean on the issue of who's entitled to the money.
This is payback time, Fraser.
This is for the time she ratted me out for smoking a cigar in the basement with David Contee, for the time she told Paula Scriptiano that I was a junior for the time she didn't show up at the Academy for my graduation because she had to go see Donny Osmond at the Beacon, okay? This isn't my victory, Fraser, this is cosmic justice.
Ah.
I see.
No you don't.
I don't even know why I try.
Hey! - Buxley! - He smashed my window! The chickens are gone.
Who cares about the chickens, he smashed my window! Well, the chickens are gone, Ray.
Oh, good riddance to the chickens.
I didn't like them anyways.
Ah, it's okay baby, it's not personal.
The guy just had a deep desire to get to his chickens.
Well, the chickens were his life, Ray, it's understandable he'd go to great lengths to retrieve them.
There's no excuse for one man to damage another mans fine vintage automobile over a couple of oven roasters.
Ah, that's disgusting.
What are you doin'? Well, he has written something on this book.
Raptures plus three.
Timber Wolves minus two.
Kings, Clippers plus eight.
Yeah, those are basketball teams and this is a betting sheet.
You see, those are the teams he things are gonna win and that's the point spread.
Ah, this guy's a chump.
Who would take the Clippers even with points.
Well, perhaps a man more efficient at farming than he is at gambling.
Where are we going? We gonna visit a family friend.
Cicero Dairy Corporation What do you mean the cops took the chickens? Those are the birds laying the golden eggs.
Without them all I got is a couple of broken down buildings and a worthless piece of land.
- I didn't know, I'm sorry.
- Sorry don't cut it.
I made a deal for Buxley's farm and everything on it.
Without the chickens, all bets are off.
Now get out of here.
Fix it.
I know, I know.
I hate the city too.
Come on, let's forget about it, okay? You just got to eat your food.
I know I know I know, you're used to the best of food.
I gave it to you all your life.
Baby, I'm sorry, okay? Come on, you force yourself to eat it cause it's nutritious, okay? You don't have to like it.
All right, all right sweet heart.
Evie, daddy's gonna get you your real food, okay? You take care of Evie, okay Adam? I don't know how I'm gonna do it, but I'm gonna get you real food.
My old man used to come here all the time.
He'd tell my mother we were gonna the park but we'd always end up here.
I never once saw him cut his hair.
You didn't like to see his hair being cut? No! This is Bert Block's place.
He's a bookie.
He's been around hair.
He knows this town inside and out.
Then he said: Don't be ridiculous.
That canary can't sing.
The mouse has an utterance! ha-hah! Hey Bert, how are you doin'? Ray? Ray Vecchio, is that you? No, It's my ghost! Of course it's me, buddy.
- How are you doin'? - Ah I'd like you to meet a good friend of mine.
Bert Benny, Benny Bert.
Pleased to meet you.
Hey hey Ray, You grew up nice! Use to be the softest kid I ever know.
His old man be listening to the radio and screamin' for those Nicks to run faster and little Ray would be there in the corner stuffin' his face with crullers all chubby - Bert! - and bloated Bert, I think that's a little more information than my friend needs to know.
Yeah, what can I do you for boys? Well, we have misplaced some extremely important chickens.
We believe that information about who ever is delayed these bets.
My helpless locate.
Chickens.
Chickens.
Yeah, the guy's name is Lyndon Buxley.
We got a hunch that maybe he is squish around somebody's book maybe make you calls for us? I don't have to, Ray.
A loser like Buxley story gets out.
He got as line up over one hundred large with the fellow.
But everything work done okay.
What's the guy like him get hundred grams? He didn't.
His bookie wand of sold his market to some guy.
The bookie got his money and life goes on.
Thank you kindly for your help.
[Spanish.]
Mucho gusto.
(Nice to meet you.
) - Thanks, Bert.
- Nice coat.
Uh, listen now.
One more thing.
Did my old man ever win, even once? Ray! That would have spoiled his fun! Thanks again, Bert.
I don't know if this is a ideal place to talk business, it's a little dark.
I can see everything I need to.
I spoke to Constable Fraser, I think he might be ready to come around.
Constable Fraser, I must admit I'm a little surprised by your relationship with him.
Yes, well, we both know I like to keep my personal life personal.
Don't underestimate your potential, Meg.
Remember your ambition.
You've done well so far.
You could do even better with the right connections.
With a friend to help pave the way.
Fraser! Ah.
Inspector.
I thought it important to inform you there's been an emergency.
Emergency? - Yes.
With your car.
- What about it? It's on fire.
- Oh, please! - No, it is.
It's burning away.
All the other cars feel threatened.
You're making this up.
Yes, I am.
- What do you think you're going? - With him.
- Oh, perhaps I didn't make myself clear.
- No Andre you made yourself perfectly clear.
Now let me make myself clear.
I'm sick of your innuendos.
I didn't join the RCMP to get chased around a desk.
I'm going with Constable Fraser, you do what you want about that.
Sorry to have interrupted your dinner.
Ah, Inspector, I'm sorry about the ruse, but I believe I've determined the cause of the accident other night.
I think Lyndon Buxley will reconsider his legal action.
Thank you kindly.
What are you doin' here? I assumed you wouldn't want to feed Adam and Eve anything but the best.
Do me a favor, okay? Just leave me alone, all right? Until I sue you.
I'd rather help you if I may.
What are you, crazy? I'm suing you for 10 million dollars and you want to help me? Why? That's what I wanted to know.
Who's this woman? This is my superior officer, Inspector Margaret Thatcher.
Lyndon, I know the kind of trouble you're in.
I know you needed money to pay off your bookie, that's why you sold your farm in the first place.
That's why you set up that hole in the road and that's why you tried to sue me.
- He set up the hole? - Yes.
He planned to drive into it and then blame it on Cook County but when I interfered with his plan, it provided him the opportunity to sue an entire government.
And that's why he went back and covered up the trench.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Yeah, I know.
If you'll excuse me I gotta go feed my chickens, okay? That's it? After all that, we're gonna let him go? I don't see what else we can do.
Interfere! You always interfere! No! Yes.
I'm taking you to see Mr.
Marshack.
What are you doin'? Interfering.
- Where's he taking us? - I wouldn't hazard a guess, ma'am.
Do you still have your cellular phone with [you.]
? May I have permission to? - Permission granted.
- Thank you.
What are you waiting for? Well, I don't want my hesitation to appear unprocedual, ma'am it's just I'm not sure which cellular provider you use and since we're likely to be on a transponder boundary line, and there'll undoubtedly be a nominal expense accrued.
Nominal I say - Just do it! - Uh, yes.
Vecchio.
Hurry up, the batteries running low! Ray, it's Fraser.
Buxley has been kidnapped.
Inspector Thatcher and I stowed away aboard the kidnapper's vehicle.
- So where are you? - We're in a truck.
Well, where's the truck? - It's on a road, Ray.
- Hurry up! What? Apparently the batter is running low.
All right, look, give me a license plate number.
Ah, yes, I only saw it for a split second but it's Illinois plate, 5-0-6-9 Oh dear.
Hello? Hello? Elaine! Oh, could you get me a number on a truck? Five zero six nine.
That's it? There could be hundreds of matches.
Yeah well, that's all we got.
What do you want from me? Just what you owe me, chicken man.
You already got my farm.
II don't have anything else.
I want your research, Lyndon.
Not your live stock.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Why you kidnapped two of your most valuable birds, I want 'em back.
If you could do that for me, huh? Nah, I don't think so.
Never.
Never say never, Lyndon.
Mr.
Marshack, we got trouble.
- Solve the case.
- [My.]
pleasure.
This way! They're down here! Oh dear.
We're gonna burn up in here.
I think that's unlikely ma'am.
This would appear to be a late model Akison Type incubator with a maximum out put of 50 degree Celsius or 120 degrees Fahrenheit.
- So were safe then.
- Oh yes, yes.
Well, That is until the carbon dioxide we exhale combines with the sulfuric acid, the ammonium and the nitric oxide which without proper ventilation can be a common hazard of incubators of this type.
And then? And then we die.
Any chance of getting that door open? I don't think so.
It would appear to be double reinforced steel with a eTech electronic lock.
Which means? Which means they brought an extraordinary good door.
Why? Perhaps they foresaw this exact situation.
Perhaps they were just trying to prevent the chicks from escaping.
Perhaps.
How come you told everyone else in the world that ticket won.
Except me! Uh, it slipped my mind.
Twenty five thousand dollars slipped your mind? Look, if I had thought about it I'had told you but I didn't think about it, okay? That money is half mine you know.
Look, no it is not.
Now will you leave me alone? I got seven hundred license plate numbers I have to go through here? Don't wiggle out of this one, Ray.
Look, you ask anybody, all right? They'll tell you it's my money.
- You ask anybody.
- Ok, lets do that thing.
Huey.
What do you think? Even Steven.
It was your money.
Mmm.
Elaine.
How 'bout it? - Ray, pay the woman her money.
- Yeah.
The rest of you.
How many of you think I deserve half the winnings? Come on, let's see some hands.
- You're right.
- You're right.
Ah, thank you for your support.
It's still mine.
You're such a rat.
All right, this has got to be the one.
Elaine, get me an address on The Cicero Dairy and radio me in my car.
Will you stop walking away from me? I'm walking don't you see me walking and pretty soon, I'll be driving.
Well then, I'm coming with you.
Oh no, you're not.
So try and stop me.
I think I found the contact points for the release mechanism.
If we ever do get out of here, I'm gonna have to find a new career.
Well, I hope I haven't been in anyway responsible for that, ma'am.
No, it's not your fault.
That was something I should have done a long time ago.
We're Mounties.
We're suppose to have ideals.
Of course, if we're dead Mounties, our ideals won't mean much will they? Huh.
Something? Well, I think it's possible to bypass the release mechanism.
But I need a piece of wire about 7 centimeters in length.
Yes, 7 centimeters.
Take off your tunic.
I beg your pardon? Take off your tunic, Constable, that's an order.
Good thinking ma'am.
Fraser? Just joking.
You could have done it the easy way, Lyndon.
I love my chickens! It's not too late.
No! I'm asking you one more time Buxley, where are the chickens? Stop.
You want to know where I left those chickens? Suck an egg! Fraser, if this doesn't work and uh we don't make it out of here as your commanding officer, I just wanted to say that, a-as someone you work for, I just wanted to say that as someone you work with I-I just wanted to tell you I got it.
You were saying? Another time.
All right, all right, all right! I'll tell you, okay? That's better.
I ain't got all day, Lyndon.
Well? Well? Well? Let me catch myself.
No, I can't do it.
I can't do it! Put him down.
No! You're a heartless pig! You hadyou had your chance.
You gonna leave my babies all alone! Let me out! Put him down and leave him down.
I love my chickens.
We need a kind of diversion.
Can you throw? [Earned run average in baseball statistics.]
That's good.
Hit the red button.
What's goin' on? Way to go, Mountie! Tell me, what kind of man cheats his own sister, Ray? I didn't cheat you.
What did you think you'd do, start lighting cigars with hundred dollar bills - and I wouldn't notice? - I don't smoke.
That's not the issue.
You're avoiding.
Avoiding and stealing.
What do you think Ma's gonna say? Not so fast, pal.
Unless you wanna play chicken.
- Ray! - Evening Benny.
Inspector.
Well, it's very good of you to come.
May I? Ah, no problem.
You know, I been thinking, Benny, I can't take the guilt any more.
I'm gonna give half that money to Francesca.
No! Watch him! Which came first Mr.
Sneed? the chicken or the egg.
[Ray.]
No!!! I'll watch him, you go.
Thank you ma'am.
I'll tell you later.
Ray! For saving the life of egg farmer Lyndon Buxley and his prize hens, for protecting Canada against an opportunistic legal act, sounds pretty good, Benny.
Hey, who's this guy Henry Clouteer? That's Anri Cloutier.
He's with Legal affairs office in Ottawa.
The guy gives you a commendation and you don't tell me about it? I gotta read about it on page four? Well, Inspector Thatcher deserves all the credit as my commanding officer.
Which brings me to another subject I'd like to talk about.
Fire away.
- Women.
- Enough.
Ha-ha, No, I'm serious.
You mean to tell me you haven't noticed that Inspector Thatcher is a good looking woman? Well, that wouldn't be appropriate for me to comment on, Ray.
So you do notice.
I didn't say that.
Ah.
Ah? What do you mean 'Ah'? Oh nothing, just 'Ah'.
No, you must mean something by 'Ah'.
Oh, I think this 'Ah' thing is a pretty-pretty meaning trick.
Well, it's not a trick, Ray.
Oh, like you didn't use it to make me feel guilty - about the lottery ticket.
- No, I didn't.
- Ah.
- Honestly.
What, you don't believe me? I didn't say that.
Ah.
By : Reza Fa.
Many thanks to [duesouth.
blogfa.
com.]
for script.
Version : 3