Easy (2016) Episode Scripts

N/A - Vegan Cinderella

1 Hey.
Hey, what's up, Brian? Can I get a Bauhaus please? - Yep.
- Thank you.
We're Campdogzz.
Yeah! They're gonna come real low To wreck us all They're gonna come in rows With a firearm Fire in your blood It resonates The fire in your blood It's understated And you're right You won't hold me down And you're right You won't know 'Cause you drag it all And throw it out You're right You won't hold me down It's comin' up fast And you're out back It's comin' up fast And you're out back They're gonna come real low With a record on They're gonna come so slow To tie the knot Choir's in the church My heart is heavy Choir's in the church They said I'm ready And they're right You won't hold me down They're right You storm out So you could drag it on And throw it out They're right You won't hold me down Hey, are you trying to do breakfast? Yeah.
I could totally get breakfast.
I want bacon! And eggs.
Um, here's the thing, though.
I'm a vegan.
So if we can go somewhere where I can eat, too, that would be awesome.
Oh, yeah.
I'm cool with that.
I I'm always thinking about being vegan.
Yeah, you just, like You don't See I mean, every vegan goes through that.
I feel like So you, like, know about veganism? Yeah, I'm, like, there in my head.
Just gotta take what's in my head and put it on my plate.
Oh, so you're like trying to be a vegan? 'Cause if you're trying to be a vegan, I could show you some shit, some, like, videos online that will make you a vegan.
Like, terrible, terrible shit that will haunt your dreams.
Like, NC-17 animals, you know? - Not like sex stuff, but like - That's I'm like I know what it's gonna be, and I'm not ready to see that.
You would be transformed like Cinderella into a vegan if you saw these videos.
They are I mean, I get it.
I don't need to see it to get it.
You know, like, I already know.
It's just about breaking a habit, like I don't need to see Passion of the Christ to understand what happened to the Christ.
Like I'm gonna pee.
When you were, like, in eighth grade, did you get what you were gonna be when you grow up? Uh, yeah.
'Cause I'm still waiting on being Mayor of San Francisco, you know? Living in Chicago might be a deal-breaker for that one.
Yeah, I don't think it works like that.
- You wanted to be Mayor of San Francisco? - I didn't want to be.
That's what the class deemed me.
- Oh, they picked it for you! - In eighth grade.
I think in kindergarten I told, like, at my graduation that I wanted to be, like, a garbage pickup foreman.
- You had a kindergarten graduation? - Yes, definitely.
I'm saying all of the wrong things.
- I'm not, like, an alien.
- I know, I'm sorry.
I know.
- What is wrong? - I know I'm treating you like you are.
- You gotta let me get used to it.
- It's fine.
First time with a vegan, you gotta just let me I feel like you're defining me by being a vegan when, like No! There's so many other things.
I also like to play catch outside.
I don't know if that's a defining characteristic.
I don't even know what that means.
- What do you mean? - Just with balls? You've never played catch? Okay.
I'm gonna tell you something that I've literally never told anybody before.
- Give it to me.
- Okay.
When I was younger, and I swear, like, I was, like six or seven, so I didn't know what I was doing I'm so curious what's about to come out of your mouth.
We had these, like, these I don't even know where we would find these.
There would just be these giant frogs.
I don't even know what to call them.
They were big frogs, like the size of my palm.
And me and my uncles would just, like take the frogs and we would toss them, and their bodies would just, like, splatter.
What? What? What? You would just kill these frogs for fun? Yeah.
'Cause their bodies were just, like, blah.
And we were just, like, blah! - Oh, my God.
- Yeah.
And then we would, like, dissect them and, like, see their body parts.
- And you think - Now you're judging me.
- Yes, absolutely.
- I wanted to make it even, and I knew you were gonna react like that, - so I had to make myself feel better.
- You made that up for me? I didn't make it up.
I wish I'd made it up.
It's a really fucked up story, actually.
- You never told anybody that? - No, it's really bad.
God, I'm feeling a mixed feelings of horror and honor - for you telling me that.
- I know.
I feel like you think I'm Gandhi, and I still do not-great things.
Well, you're Gandhi and I'm a frog murderer, so Text me.
We'll bike.
Did you just use the L-word? No, look, we were in the concert, this crowd of people, and it's like, that's the person I locked eyes with through all of these bodies? You know? Like, outta, like That's - That is so cute.
- That's just how it happened, and if it sounds like love, then it sounds like love.
Oh, my God! Hello, sir.
Do you have a minute to talk about, uh, women's rights? Excuse me, miss.
Do you have a moment? - No, sorry.
- Please? - Just one signature from the neighborhood.
- Oh, yeah.
That would be so great.
Thank you.
What if I had texted you in the moment that you were at that concert and you looked up and saw your soul mate? Like, that would have sucked if you read that text and you were, like, and you were reading about homework.
Do you know how many people end up missing, like, "the one" because they were texting? - Oh, my God.
- That is Excuse me.
Can I have a second of your time? Sorry.
To talk about women's reproductive rights? We're trying to open up a center.
It's a center right across the street.
I want to paint each other's nails and, like, watch stupid romantic comedies, and drink mimosas, and and, like, laugh and just have, like, a ladies thing, you know? - International Ladies Day.
- Yeah, we can do, like, a group text.
Like, I could make a Facebook page.
The government will not be paying for the abortions.
It'll be all donation-based and non-profits.
What have we got in here? The Temptations? Please don't mess with my man.
I love 'em.
- How many signatures you got? - I've got - Uh 24.
- Learn from the master.
Oh, my God.
That is so funny.
Walter's story, I think, has to do with masculinity, defined partly as somebody capable of overt physical action and dominance with little regard to what we might call the feminine virtues.
Now, if you look at myth I'm going to the Greeks, okay? There are many doors that you can go into, but I'm going to the Greeks.
In this case, Walter White, Sr.
can be certainly be likened to the god Hephaestus.
Don't worry about it, but Hephaestus.
Ernest Becker says this, it's lovely.
"Man is out of nature.
" You're not really a part of nature, are you? "- And is hope - And hopelessly in it.
" So you're like, "Uh Man, me.
Nature, meet.
" This is an old thing, so he doesn't speak using "he or she.
" So just bear with.
"He is dual, up in the stars and yet housed in the heart-pumping, breath-gasping body that once belonged to a fish and still carries the gill marks to prove it.
His body is a material fleshly casing that is alien to him in many ways.
" - How you doing? - Good.
Um Questions? Anything? - Do you have a used bike section? - We do.
Okay, I just want something that's, like worn in, like a little rough around the edges.
- Yeah.
- Um I dunno.
I told a friend that I ride and I don't know why I did that.
- So if you could just help me out.
- Well, we got those.
We got those.
We got some used ones.
- Here, let me show you what we got.
- Okay.
I like you.
Oh, God.
Like, when everyone was just, like, going bare and bald, I was like, all right, cool.
Like, if I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna go all the way.
- So I lasered.
- Never did it.
- You lasered? - Yeah.
- I thought you just wax.
- No.
It was like a competition.
It's like, "Well, I shave.
" "Well, I wax.
" And I was like, "Well, fuck it, I laser.
" And what? And now this is in, and I don't I don't even have the opportunity.
First tattoo, that was during a very religious phase.
And then I became not religious.
So sometimes it's like Sometimes I got attacked by a shark, other times, like, I was on the back of a Harley and was pulled out from under.
Wait, so you make up stories about this tattoo? I mean, I'm not gonna tell people, like, I believed in God and now I don't.
Why not? People go through that all the time.
Oh, that's so deep.
That, like You can't just throw that on people.
That's not always the right When you're, like, at a dinner and someone's trying to start conversation by asking about your tattoo, the last thing you say is, like "Hey, I've lost all faith and hope.
" Hey! I'm sorry.
Did you ride your bike here? Huh? It's, like, 40 degrees outside.
- You don't live close.
- It feels good.
It feels, like, brisk.
It feels good? Light jog.
- Okay.
I didn't know you like to - God.
go for long distance bike rides.
It's not true.
I mentioned bike riding.
Hey, how's it goin'? Can I start you off with a drink or anything? Uh, can I have a vodka tonic with double lime, please? Sure.
Do you want another second to look over the menu, - or do you kind of know what you want or - Um I just I have a question.
What is, uh Does pork salt have pork in it? Just big chunks of salt.
- No pork.
- No pork.
Can you see if you guys have any vegan options? - Totally.
Yeah, I will check on that - If it's not trouble.
- No.
Not at all.
Not at all.
- Okay.
Thank you.
Are you a vegan? Yeah, I just You just specifically asked if they had vegan options.
I'm just making it more easy for them.
Everything just, like - For who? - For the people in the kitchen.
I don't wanna be the difficult person at the table just 'cause I have, like, dietary restrictions.
You have dietary restrictions now? So you're a vegan? Stop saying that.
I mean, you guys have been dating for a couple weeks and, like, you're spending a lot of time together, and you're a vegan now, so It's just, like, easier when we go out to eat if we're ordering, like, from the same, like, the same things.
Like, it's just You don't have to be the same as the person that you're dating.
- You guys can be - No.
Compromise, though.
- Compromise.
- Compromise.
I'm just thinking about Jo, and about how I don't know enough about her and about how I haven't met her yet, which is a little strange to me.
I don't think that should be strange.
I don't think it should be something you really think about like that.
- Seriously? - She's busy.
A lot.
She's been No.
Stop smirking.
I What? I told you she, like, does a lot of volunteer stuff.
And that's awesome.
She likes to spend her free time helping people.
I think International Ladies Day is It's gonna be awkward no matter what.
Look, I'll be good.
I'll - "I'll be good.
" - I will! I won't make her uncomfortable.
- I'll make her feel welcome.
- Okay.
Okay, I'll I will have vegan snacks.
- Okay.
- I won't make it weird.
I won't make it weird, I promise.
- Oh, it's not - I promise.
It's not you.
It's not about you making it weird.
Okay, so invite her.
It's a good time.
- Yes.
- She's a person who enjoys good times.
- And she's a woman.
- Yeah.
- Yes? - Yeah.
Do we hear that? Everybody hear that? - Yeah.
- We have a yes.
- Yeah.
- We have a yes.
So down.
Hey! - Hi.
- Hi! - Ooh, you good? - Yep.
- Look at this snow.
- How you doin'? First snow of the season.
- How's it going? - Good.
Um, I thought you were bringing your girls.
Oh, um there was a birthday dinner.
- No.
- Slipped my mind.
- I know.
- Wait, so they're not coming at all? I don't think they're gonna be done by then, but I'm here.
- Fuck.
- I'm here to help you.
Five dollars.
That's what I think.
You can give whatever you want, but Thanks.
Have a good night.
Hi, everybody.
Um, I see a lot of familiar faces, but also, um, some new ones, so I thought I'd just introduce myself.
Um, I'm Jo.
I put on this series through Chicago Filmmakers, um, who, if you haven't checked out, they're an awesome organization, so definitely check them out.
Um, we're here the first Thursday of every month, so please come back and tell your friends.
The series we're doing is, um, all female filmmakers and we've been putting up some great work.
A lot of our A couple of our filmmakers are here, um, and you can talk to them after.
We'll also have a Q and A with this filmmaker.
Um, and yeah, we'll save all questions for after.
So thank you for coming, and please tell your friends.
- Hi.
Good to see you.
- Hey, what's up? - Yeah, good to see you.
- Oh, I'm so happy you came.
Thanks for coming, guys.
- Thank you for having us.
- Yeah.
Um I'm not really into film stuff.
- I'm just here helping my girlfriend.
- Oh, okay.
I'm gonna just I'll be back.
The cinematographer for that film was, uh, a guy named Mike Fuelser.
He's a former Chicagoan who now teaches in Iowa.
And we actually just did a show with him uh, him and Jesse MacLean, both former Chicagoans who now teach in Iowa.
And, um, yeah, it was a really great show.
Mike's stuff is mostly all 16-millimeter, experimental, silent.
Premiered a new film that's just mostly all color-field, um, but it's really good.
And, uh, we got the Onion City Film Festival comin' up, which is the experimental film and video festival year end, and I really need to ask Mike for any work - That's a few days? In what world - It's Indian genes.
You're lying 'cause you want to seem more like a man, or something.
- What's up? - Uh Uh, I'm not feeling the best, so I think I'm gonna head home.
- Really? - Yeah.
This was fun.
Your friends are fucking awesome.
I want to do it again.
- Did you have fun? - But Yeah.
My stomach just hurts and I need to go.
But this was cool.
I swear.
Okay? - Are you sure? - I'll see you tomorrow.
Tomorrow's gonna be my first time.
- It's gonna be great.
- Bye.
- Is she okay? - She's not feeling well.
Can I get you anything? Um, no.
No, I'm I'm good.
I just need to, like, rest up.
I have to babysit later, so I just need to sleep.
I have to go to this thing.
But I will come back.
I'll come back.
Do you want, like, Gatorade, soup, anything? - Uh, I'll - What do you want? I gotcha.
I'll text you when I'm done babysitting.
Okay, get inside.
- Okay.
- Bye.
Stay warm.
- And tell me what you need, okay? - Yeah.
Pizza! I have pizza.
What are you guys drawing? What is that? I'm drawing a Minecraft sheep.
Why is it a box? Um it's Minecraft.
All right, who wants the biggest slice? - Who has better grades? - Me.
- Me.
I do.
- Yeah? That's what I thought.
You have glasses, so of course, naturally, you're smarter.
Why can't you have pizza? Um I'm doing this, like, new thing.
The planet benefits when we eat vegetables.
'Cause this pizza you guys are eating right now I mean Children had to be taken from their mothers.
Like, imagine if I just when you guys were born, I just took you.
And then I just, like, kept like, raping your mother over and over and over and over again, and then took her babies.
They're mine.
And then I slaughter them.
And their udders, like the cows, their udders get these, like, disgusting infections, and their stomachs are, like, out to here and we just milk 'em all day.
You don't have boobs yet, but when you do, the last thing you're gonna want is someone just, like, milking them constantly, all day.
- Hey.
- Oh, God.
What's up? How was your ride? There's something Honestly, I feel anew.
You know, riding my bike in the snow.
It's like Just cleanses my soul.
I just saw you get out of a car.
- What? - Right just a second ago.
- No.
- Yeah.
Uh What are you doing? Oh, my God! I'm so sorry.
I totally forgot you were sick.
I made up being sick.
I'm throwing up because I just ate an entire pepperoni pizza.
Wait, why would you eat an entire pepperoni pizza? 'Cause I'm not vegan.
I tried to be.
Oh, babe.
I never asked you to be vegan.
All right.
I'm sorry.
You don't have to lie about being vegan.
Or riding your bike.
I kind of like the bike.
I just don't like the vegan part.
For me, not for you.
Like, I know.
God, the animals and and the pollution, and the drought and the water and the It's okay.
It's seriously okay.
You don't have to do it if you don't want to.
- I never asked you to do that.
- I want to.
I just I can't.
- I never asked you to do that.
- I really, I want to.
I can't do it.
- That's okay.
It's fine.
- I can't.
It's okay.
Can we just start over and you can be you and I can be me, and I can do my thing, and you don't have to have anything to do with it? Yeah.
Can I have a kiss? Yeah.
It's gonna take a good mouthwash before I give you a kiss on the lips.
I know.
You know, this is nail polish.
- Do you guys want mimosas? - Yes! Okay, cool.
On it.
- Thank you.
- On it.
So this Okay.
- So it's like a narrative now.
- That's so gory.
Um What? - What? Are you nervous? - No, shut up.
- Are you nervous? - Shut up.
- Have some faith.
- Meh.
Oh, my God, this place is awesome.
Hostess with the mostest.
- Hello! Hi.
- Hi.
- Is this Amber? - Jo.
You're Jo.
I know I know who you are.
Hello! - Hi.
So nice to meet you.
- You're right, she's super cute.
- I said you were - Hi.
Um - So you've been talkin' about me.
- Oh, like, a lot.
- I talk about you, too.
- But mostly about you.
Yeah, but I I've been wanting to meet you.
- I've been asking.
- Good things? - Great things.
- Welcome to my place.
Um - Gorgeous.
What a great place.
- We have food, and nail polish, and magazines and all of our friends in one room.
- Oh, God.
- And booze.
- Do you want a mimosa? - Yes.
- Yes? - Speaking my language, girl.
- Wonderful.
I'm on it.
- Love it.
This is Jo.
I'm sorry.
Hi, nice to meet you.
What's up? Good to meet - Alex.
- Alex.
- Ashley.
- Ashley.
- Hi, I'm Amanda.
- Hey, good? - Megan? - Yes.
Ooh, I got the last one.
- I'm gonna go help.
- Yeah, go, I'm good.
I'm fine.
What are you guys doing? What is - Nail polish.
- Nail polish.
Hello, beautiful.
- Oh, God.
I'm so nervous.
- Don't be nervous.
- I want a mimosa.
- She's really cute.
- I know.
- Really cute.
- She's right there.
- I'm sorry.
Well, okay.
I want her to know she's cute.
There's nothing wrong with that.
I'm wasted.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Guys.
- Hey! Oh, is that mimosas? - Here you go.
- Who wants the big ones? - I want the big glass.
- Me! - Hey! - Oh.
- Uh-oh.
- Gross.
God, it's so cute it's disgusting.
- Cheers, ladies! - Cheers! - To us.
To ladies.
- To Ladies Day.
- And to ladies.
- Yes.
- To Jo! - Oh, my God, thank you.
Do I have Do I have Oreo on my teeth? You definitely have Oreo Oh, God, they're so cute.
They're so cute.
Oh, my God.
Are we being annoying?