Fame (1982) Episode Scripts

N/A - But Seriously Folks

If it's fatigue, get some sleep.
If it's drugs, get some help.
Drugs? No way.
- What's the body language saying now? - It's saying scared.
- Please, double cheese - Hankburger - Please, double cheese - Hankburger What do you want from me? I'm trying to make a start for myself, and nobody cares.
A star of tomorrow, Danny Amatullo.
You got big dreams.
You want fame.
Well, fame costs and right here is where you start paying in sweat.
Five, six.
Five, six, seven and one.
Step up to the mike, and say what's on your mind.
Boogie, boogie.
Come on and step up to the mike and say what's on your mind.
Boogie, boogie.
They're gonna kill me.
Step up to the mike, and say what's on your mind.
Boogie, boogie.
Step up to the mike.
Boogie, boogie.
Okay, you're loosening up.
That's a little better.
But you gotta keep it in your head that this kind of number is the kind that you just go with.
You wanna make the audience feel they can participate.
They're part of this number.
It's not so much a performance as it is an invitation.
You wanna be saying, "You can get up here with us.
You can boogie.
" Yeah, but it's so hard to do without the audience.
Sweetheart, until you convince me that you know your left foot from your right, be glad there is no audience.
All right.
Come on.
Let's take it from the hip shift.
The hip shift, okay? Five, six.
Five, six, seven and one.
Shift.
Double shift.
Change.
Change.
More isolation.
Come on.
Shift.
Shift, shift, change.
Well, look who decided to honor us with his presence- the Italian Stallion.
- I overslept.
- I don't like to work my rehearsals Do you see me laughin', Amatullo? No.
Then you better start singin' and dancin'.
All right.
Come on.
Let's go again from the chorus.
Five, six, seven and shift.
Shift.
Double, double, shift.
Come on.
Make it tight.
Snap it! Snap! Doris, what are you doin', sweetheart? Come on, come on.
Get soulful, baby.
Come up high! If you wanna be Woody Allen, you do it on your own time, not ours.
- Shut up.
- Shift.
Precision is a very important element of clear writing.
This is particularly true in the case of pronouns.
Let me give you an example.
"When his brother came in, he said he was tired of telling him he wasn't supposed to go there.
" - Who wrote that? - Now, as you can see, the excessive use of the pronoun "he" makes it impossible to understand the sentence.
I understood it.
If you read the book, you'd know who "he" was.
I have read the book.
That isn't the point.
The point is- Can someone give me another example? Danny Amatullo? - You want another example? - Mm-hmm.
- Didn't you like the last one? - I did, but Leroy didn't.
Would you care to oblige us? Terry Bradshaw is known for his precision passing.
Not even close.
Sorry I woke you up.
Wake me up? She's the one who put me to sleep.
I'm sorry? I missed that, Danny.
Did you have another clear-cut example of precision? I was just saying that if your class was a little more interesting we wouldn't be nodding off as much.
We'll discuss that later.
You be back here at the end of classes today.
You understand everything in those books, but you know nothing about life.
Pop, we've been through all this before.
When your mother died, the authorities were gonna put you in a home.
My son they were gonna put in a home.
- Said I wasn't fit to raise a kid.
- Pop- Look at me, Franco.
Were they right? Did I bring you up wrong? Did I? Hold it, please.
Sorry to break in the middle of this.
What are you doing? Judging from the tone of your voice, not too good.
That's being kind.
What happened to all the gentle moments we worked on in the last session? You're supposed to be warm, loving, especially to Franco.
I keep thinkin' Franco, but I keep seein' Montgomery.
This is a very physical man.
He's a great big hugger.
He's a toucher.
He's Italian.
You're Italian.
You should have no trouble relating to this.
Why don't we use some of your own family experiences? - Is your dad alive? - Not according to my mom.
- You wanna try it again? - No.
The only thing I can play today is an Italian jerk from the South Bronx.
I'll pass.
- You okay, Danny? - Yeah.
Sure.
Why wouldn't I be okay? Because you're having a problem in my class and I get the impression mine isn't the only one.
- I ain't got a problem.
- Wrong on both counts, Danny.
It's "haven't, " not "ain't.
" And you do have a problem.
You've been nodding off.
I want to know if the cause is physical or chemical.
- I'm not sure I follow.
- If it's fatigue, get some sleep.
If it's drugs, get some help.
Drugs? No way.
It's just that I'm workin' nights.
Working where? Doing what? I got a job at an all-night sandwich stand.
My old man got laid off, so we're kind of tight for money.
You know how it is.
Danny, do you know what I mean if I use the phrase "body language"? - I'm not sure.
- It means your words are saying one thing, but the way you're standing the way you're not looking at me, they're all saying something else.
Yeah, well, what's the body language sayin' now? It's saying scared.
I gotta go.
I told you I got a job, and I'm late! Good-bye! He's been taking Leroy lessons.
But I never went on a commercial interview.
- Are you sure we can get in? - It's a cattle call.
We'll stand around until somebody decides if we have the right look or not.
- The right look? What's that? - Who knows? - Don't they know? - They don't have the slightest idea.
How can you interview somebody if you don't know what you're looking for? - Watch.
- Okay, people.
People, I just wanna take a look at you.
Now, the look is what's important here.
We'll get the performance out of the way later.
We're just looking for that look.
You've already got a redhead.
Right.
Yeah, thanks.
Why do I feel like I'm in the Caucasian version of Roots? Who just spoke? I want someone to look into my camera with eyes that say "I'll die if I don't have a Hankburger with double cheese.
" Eyes, don't fail me now.
That's cute.
I like her.
So the guy says, "I don't understand.
If that was your mother-in-law, what happened to the donkey?" But you know where I like it best? Right here in New York.
NYC, the Big Apple.
In fact, there's really no reason for leaving because getting back- impossible.
- He's really cookin' tonight.
- Yeah.
How long you been stage manager here, Danny? - Almost two months.
- And you're doing a good job.
You keep things running nice and smooth.
- Thanks, Mr.
Kerides.
- Did you hearJoey's leavin'? Yeah, Vegas.
Six weeks.
The Sands.
The main room.
It's Reno.
Four weeks.
The Poker Palace.
- In the lounge.
- It's still a good break forJoey.
ForJoey, yeah.
But for me, it means I've got an open spot starting next Thursday.
- You interested? - You kidding? Interested? I've been working till 2:00, 3:00 in the morning every night just so I- - A real comic? - You'd better be 'cause I'm putting you down for the closing spot Thursday night.
You'll probably go on about 1:00 or 1:30.
All right? Thank you very much.
Hey, now, why do I get the feeling that the boss is giving you a shot next Thursday? Workin' a real audience.
No more telling jokes to mirrors.
- You look beat, kid.
- I am.
It's been so tough.
It's hard to do my school stuff here, and it's just all catchin' up with me.
Let me give you a little advice.
You know what? No.
Let me give you a little opening-night present.
- No, that's okay.
- Come on.
You wanna go out there next Thursday feeling like a schlump? You wanna make the people feel good? You gotta feel good yourself.
I got plenty.
I don't wanna be a schlump out there.
That's for sure.
You know, having a radio show is like having a figure- You gotta use it for it to do you any good.
You talkin' to that all-night phone-in show again? Al, I don't know if UFOs are real or not.
Nobody knows.
That's the point.
And nobody's trying very hard to find out either.
- That's what I'm sayin'.
- My mother, the wacko.
That will sit in your stomach like a cannonball this time of morning.
There's soup.
Take some of that.
I thought you were talkin' to All-Night Al.
I'm on hold till the 2:00 news is finished.
Sit.
I'll make you some soup.
- You just gettin' in? - Yeah.
- Didn't mean to wake ya.
- You didn't.
I'm on the 3:00-to-1 1:00 shift this week.
There's soup for your thermos.
I'll make the sandwiches in a sec.
I get to perform at the club next Thursday.
- What, Friday some kind of holiday? - No.
- You gonna work the same hours as now? - At first.
Pop, I have to go where I can perform.
You could always work Talent Night over at the Knights of St.
Anthony.
- Not at my lodge.
- Why not? It's bad enough he has to go to that school but I won't have my son playing the clown in front of my friends.
I'm not a clown.
I'm a comedian.
- There's a difference.
- There is.
- A clown'll do anything for a laugh.
- Danny, let's not get into it.
When you get older, maybe you'll get some sense in your head.
You think I'm gonna grow outta this or somethin'.
If we're lucky.
- Those sandwiches ready yet? - Yeah.
I'll be home regular time.
I'm gonna stop at church, light a candle for Vinnie.
All across America Long Island to LA You're in for a treat when you stop to eat If you don't forget to say - Please, double cheese - Hankburger - Please, double cheese - Hankburger New England Cape to the Golden Gate Say, please Double cheese Hankburger - Hey, what's going on? - A star is born.
I got called back by that cuckoo bird who wanted me to look into his camera with eyes.
- He wants me to come in and read.
- Better me than you.
But if not me, why not you? Congratulations.
- What should I do? - Why ask me? You're the one who dragged me there in the first place.
- I didn't drag you anywhere.
- Are you gonna stand there and argue with me or you gonna help me? The first thing you gotta do is stop thinking the director is a cuckoo bird.
No matter what he is, he is the director.
- And cuckoo.
- Next, the product.
You love it! Have you ever eaten a Hankburger? I don't know who Hank is, but his burgers are the pits.
Wrong.
From this moment on, they are great.
- Look, do you want the job? - They're great.
None better.
- Next, you'll have to read for the job- - Sorry to interrupt which is a lie, but I have to ask you all a question.
- Is it important? - No.
It's an unimportant question.
How would you all like to come see a fast-rising young comedian perform? - You got a gig? - Not too loud.
- I don't wanna get tossed outta school.
- When and where? - Why? - Cute.
It's a comedy club.
It's the late show, My dad would massage my gums with an automobile jack.
Same here.
Not on a school night.
That's great.
That's really great.
I work my buns off for three months trying to wedge my way in there.
- It finally all comes together- - I'd shut up real quick if I were you.
What are you doing in here, Mr.
Martelli? I was just leaving, very quickly.
Bye.
Good instincts, boy.
Good instincts.
And what are y'all lookin' at? - Hey, how you doin', kid? - Okay.
Hey, Danny, this is it- the night.
It's been a long day, and I couldn't get anybody to come watch.
Who cares? This is your night.
You oughta be flyin', especially with those little bombs I laid on you.
No.
Kid, you're not going out there alone, are you? - I guess so.
- Dummy.
Look, I'm steering you straight on this.
The way you make it in this business is with a full charge.
That's the way things are.
You gotta be up.
There ain't no down, not for a comic.
Don't go out there by yourself, kid.
You take a couple of friends with ya.
Good evening, friends.
All right, you bums.
Listen up.
I want you to give your undivided attention and a great big hand to a new kid on the block- a star of tomorrow, Danny Amatullo! Thank you.
Thank you.
I think I should warn you, I'm- I'm in deep trouble.
Frost's work stresses simple, straightforward imagery and a lack of overt intellectualism.
Now, there's a direct connection between that sort of simplicity and the writings of William Wordsworth one of the first to put poetry into the language of the common man.
He also used the Platonic doctrine of recollection.
Mr.
Martelli, what was it? Give me an example? When you're born, you know everything and learning is the adult remembering his childhood.
- And an example? - "Ode on Intimations of Immortality.
" But please don't ask me to explain the title.
It means, Mr.
Wordsworth the cough is more than just hay fever.
Amatullo, you stay here.
- We need to talk.
- I got class.
You've been dodging me for several days now and you have lunch next period, so sit down.
Have a seat.
I'm surprised.
I'm puzzled.
Also, I'm very angry.
- Why, because I bust one little rule? - I'm not talking about rules.
You wanna get yourself thrown out of school, that's your problem.
But you conned me.
All that nonsense about having to help your family.
It's true.
Why do you think I work at the club? I prefer my fairy tales to start with "once upon a time.
" What do you want from me? I'm tryin' to make a start for myself, and nobody cares.
All you care about is if I know poems or if I know how to diagram sentences.
- Nobody cares what I'm goin' through! - Just what are you going through? - Nothin'.
I'm not going- - Danny, look at me.
Don't touch me! I don't like when people touch me.
- You're on uppers, aren't you? - Miss Sherwood, if you're finished- Hold your hand out.
Hold it out! The object is to hold it steady.
I'm just nervous about the performance.
That's all.
- I'm just a little on edge.
- Damn it! Now, you listen to me, young man.
There's a part of me that wants to close my fist and flatten you.
But because I'm a reasonable person, I know that's what they call misdirected anger.
It isn't you I'm mad at.
It's that piece of breathing dirt who gave you that poison.
- It's not poison.
- It's poison.
And it destroys young people, and I hate it! Danny, I've lost students and friends and people I cared about very deeply and I don't intend to lose any more.
- Dead? - In effect.
Obviously, there's somebody out there telling you it's okay.
Somebody telling you everybody does it? Well, I'm here to tell you that person is a liar and a thief.
- He's not a thief! - He's a thief! He's stealing your life, Danny and he's getting you to act as an accomplice.
It's lunch.
Go.
What are you gonna do? I don't know.
I'm going to have to think about it.
But you are gonna do somethin'? You'll be late for lunch.
Imagery, Doris.
That's what it's all about.
Why are you doing this? I thought you hated commercials.
- I do.
- Then why are you doing this? I thought I'd get into coaching for some extra money.
- It's what they call a fallback position.
- Do you know how thrilling it is to be in someone's fallback position? Doris, it's just that when I heard you say how you hated Hankburgers- They're like poached hubcaps.
- Anyway you eat 'em, they turn sideways.
- That's what imagery is about.
What's your very favorite food? The food that you absolutely can't resist? My grandmother's lentil soup.
It's unreal.
All right! So when you look at those hamburgers I want you to see, smell and taste your grandmother's lentil soup.
My grandmother's lentil soup.
- This is really nice of you.
- The thing you'll have to ask yourself- - Is this gonna make you a better actress? - It'll make me a richer actress.
- If that's what you're after.
- Coco if Sir Laurence Olivier can sell cameras if Orson Welles can refuse to drink wine before its time then who am I, Doris Rene Schwartz to refuse to stand in front of a camera and pig out on a Hankburger, double cheese? Tell me that.
I don't do drugs, because I think of my body as a cathedral.
I don't wanna do nothing to mar its beauty.
So why don't you tell that to Amatullo? I ain't tellin' him nothin'.
As long as he takes the heat from Sherwood and keeps her off me, I'm fine.
Anyway, I'm due for some time off from her.
Pull up.
Change partners.
Promenade.
If everyone is so concerned about Danny, how come nobody went to go see him? The way I heard it, somebody did- Sherwood.
Change partners.
Piqué, arabesque.
- Tendu and one.
- I notice you didn't go.
Get off my case.
Nobody went.
We all let him down.
Port de bras, chassé.
In a circle, chassé.
In a circle, chassé.
And tendu, close fifth.
Close fifth.
Port de bras! Breathe! What I don't understand is, why'd he get into pills? - He's from the South Bronx, silly.
- What's that supposed to mean? If you don't understand that, you're not gonna understand anything.
Being number one isn't easy.
I think we should stop talkin' about this and show him that we care.
I think he's scared, and we didn't help him any.
When you don't have anyone to talk to, you look for something else.
And forward, pull back.
And forward, pull up.
Stay up.
Pull up your back, Coco.
And change, tendu, close.
And reverence.
Hold.
Hold.
Thanks.
Now, when you look at that Hankburger I want to see love in your eyes.
I want to see passion in your face.
I want to see adoration in your whole person.
And most of all, I want to see double cheese in your look.
What's so funny? Nothing.
Happy, joy.
Double cheese.
Terrific.
That's just what we want.
Okay, roll 'em.
Very quiet, please.
Hankburger, double cheese.
Take one.
And action.
When you're having a Hankburger, don't forget: It's "Please, double cheese.
" Cut! That's not bad, Doris.
I wanna do it again.
Only this time I need more on the "please.
" More- More more.
Roll 'em.
Hankburger, double cheese.
Take two.
And action.
When you're having a Hankburger, don't forget: It's "Please, double cheese!" Hankburger, double cheese.
Take four.
Action.
When you're having a Hankburger, don't forget: - It's "Cheese, double please!" - Wrong.
- Hankburger, double cheese.
Take seven.
- Action.
When you're having a Hankburger, don't forget: It's "Please, double cheese.
" Hankburger, double cheese.
Take 1 0.
- Action.
- When you're having a Hankburger don't forget my grandmother's lentil soup.
Cut.
All right.
Everybody, take an hour.
- An hour? For what? - Lunch.
Do you remember the discussion we had about using our corporate spokesman? Yep.
I think our instincts were right on the money.
Yep! - Well, on my way.
- Don't you wanna watch the second half? - The Knicks are comin' back.
- I don't have the time.
I have to be down there by 9:30.
Fine.
Just thought you'd be interested.
I'll read about it in tomorrow morning's newspaper.
I'm goin'.
Danny, we've got a problem.
If you're worried about Maxie's exit, I'll get it right tonight.
No, I'm not, and no, you won't.
- One more time? - Show me some I D.
I got a call about you being underage.
I've had my suspicions, but I figured I ask you no questions you tell me no lies, and we're both in the clear.
But if somebody's gonna blow the whistle- Show me some I D.
I don't see "1 8" on there anywhere.
You mean I'm canned here and out there? Say good night, Danny.
Danny, nobody sees me looking like this.
I mean nobody.
That's what I qualify for- Mr.
Nobody, thanks to you.
Yeah? Why thanks to me? You said you were gonna do somethin', and you did.
You got me canned from the comedy club.
Danny, I got a couple of news items for you.
First, you're not the only student I have.
Second, you're on my mind but you're not the most urgent problem in my life right now.
And third, I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about in regards to the comedy club.
Then who got me canned from the club? Tell me that.
Somebody who cares about you.
That's for sure.
So, why do you think it couldn't have been your father? It's not his style.
He doesn't get involved where I'm concerned.
- Why not? - On account of Vinnie.
He was my older brother.
He died about three months before I was born.
They never told me what of or how, just he died.
A cute kid.
Four years old.
I see pictures of him in our scrapbook, him and my old man.
My old man looks different in those pictures.
Making faces at the camera.
That kind of stuff.
He doesn't do that in any of the pictures after Vinnie.
All my life he's been walking away from me.
I must have been 1 0 before I realized he had a face.
Danny, don't make jokes about it.
Why not? The whole thing's a joke.
Take my father, please.
A funny thing happened on the way to my father.
- It seemed there were these two fathers- - Danny, stop it.
Sometimes I think- Sometimes I think he doesn't think I'm any good.
As a performer, you mean? He's never seen me perform.
Remember I told you I'd lost students and people I really cared about? Well, when that happens there's a temptation to stop getting involved to build a wall.
If I felt that way when something happened to one of my students I can barely conceive what it must be like for the parent who loses a child.
Your father may not be able to say it and he may not know how to show it but if he got you fired from that club and what it was doing to you he cares.
He cares a lot.
And that's not all.
They're always combing your hair.
Before every shot, this woman named Gloria comes swooping outta the shadows with a hair brush and a mirror.
Only her hair looks like something you killed underneath the sink.
I got fired from the comedy club.
- We heard.
- How are you handling it? You okay? I will be.
With a little help from my friends.
If I got any left.
We're Mr.
Amatullo's guests.
- What is this place? - The Knights of St.
Anthony Lodge.
I'll be right back.
Hey, do you guys really do all that knight stuff? - Knight stuff? - Yeah, you know what I mean.
Knock each other off your horses and all that.
- What's up? - These kids say they're your guests.
- I never invited anybody.
- We meant his son, Danny.
Oh, Dante.
Yes, of course.
Listen, why don't you take those chairs over there? - Thank you.
- Wait a minute.
How come my son is inviting all these people to my lodge? All right.
Thank you, thank you.
Welcome to the Talent Night Show.
But before I bring out the dancing girls- All right, all right.
I got a couple of announcements.
First of all, Thursday night is the start of the annual bingo tournament.
Those of you who are interested, sign up with Father Szanowski.
All right.
Saturday morning we got the St.
Anthony's bocce team playing the Garibaldis over there in Astoria.
So, Joe Buonaguro says you all come out, cheer the team on.
Show a little spirit, all right? Okay, we're all set now.
We got a very, very special surprise for you here.
We have a soon-to-be-professional entertainer.
So it's your last chance to get him at the special reduced rate.
He's not only a fine entertainer, by the way but he's a very good wing on the St.
Anthony's soccer team.
So give a nice hand to one of our own- Danny Amatullo! First, I'd like to thank the members of the lodge for allowing me to appear here tonight.
You guys are always doing something great for the community.
Like the emcee mentioned, the sports program.
It wasn't always like that.
When I first moved to this neighborhood I was taught to play kick the can.
The thing was, it was my can.
And I played a lot of sports here.
But now I go to the High School of Performing Arts.
We don't have any teams, but we put on a half-time show you would not believe! And it's an excellent school.
I mean, the kids are different.
Like, when I walk into the men's room there are people rehearsin' instead of shootin' dice.
And I really miss the extra money.
But the more I think of it, I think we should have teams.
Look at the dancers.
They are excellent athletes.
Right? Can't you picture it? "Okay, team.
It's third and four.
I want a pirouette to the left on two.
And I don't wanna see any of you spikin' your tutus.
" Well, I see that the bell ringers from St.
Martha's are here and I don't wanna cut into their time so I'll just say I hope you all have a good night.
What happened was I forgot to come up with a big finish for my act.
- Was that our cue? - Cue? What are you talkin' about? Yeah.
Yeah.
That was our cue.
You see, we were supposed to all come on stage and we were gonna do this really terrific closing number.
Only I guess we got so absorbed in Danny's jokes that we kind of goofed.
So, "Step Up To The Mike.
" I just had a pizza orgy.
What am I lookin' in here for? Dante? Yeah? - People laughed a lot.
- Yeah.
- They always laugh like that? - Sometimes yeah, sometimes no.
- Ask you a question? - Sure.
Are you through with those funny pills? - They were on your nightstand.
- Now they're in the toilet.
I'm through with them for good.
Can I ask you a question? How come you started to leave the show when I was up there? I heard the people laughin'- people you were makin' happy- and I started to- What is it you kids say, "puddle up"? And I figured you don't want a guy cryin' when you're makin' 'em all laugh.
It's very important to make people happy, Dante.
You made me real proud tonight.
Good night, Papa.
I love you.