Fishing Impossible Episode Scripts

N/A - Episode 5

'This is Fishing Impossible.
We're three fishing fanatics on an epic adventure.
We're heading to some of the world's most extreme destinations to catch the most extraordinary fish.
But the creatures we're after don't make it easy .
so we'll need to go to incredible lengths to catch the uncatchable.
This is Blowfish.
He's a marine biologist.
' This is a vermilion rock cod.
He likes to catch fish with his bare hands.
Blimey, he's huge! Look at that! This is Charlie, the level-headed one.
Level-headed that is until he gets a big bite.
Rain lashing down and we're attached to something absolutely ginormous! And I'm Jay.
I'm obsessed with free diving and spear fishing.
' Course I am, I'm the Cornish man! 'When I was in the Royal Marines, I was pushed to my limits in some of the most hostile environments on Earth and now I want Charlie and Blowfish to experience the extremes of Mother Nature.
So I'm taking them on a mammoth journey though the heart of Kenya to catch a monster fish in a beast of a location.
This is the Nile Perch, a two-metre giant so powerful it's been known to break fishing rods and straighten hooks.
Our journey is going to take us 800 KM over land to Lake Turkana.
The trouble is the lake is in the middle of a baking desert with howling winds and punishing sandstorms, and the biggest Nile Perch lurk in its most remote waters.
Along the way, we'll be facing some surprising opposition' (WHISPERS) Whoa, mate, there's hippos there.
Wow, look at the size of its head! '.
Blowfish gets inducted into a local tribe' What's going on?! '.
and me and Charlie are in real danger of falling out.
' Right.
Give me the paddle, give me the paddle.
How can I give you the paddle, Charlie?! Whoa Wow, look at this round here.
This is beautiful.
'Our journey's going to take us deep into the heart of Kenya on the east coast of Africa, a country renowned for its amazing wildlife.
I've heard our destination, Lake Turkana, is home to some pretty dangerous animals.
So to prepare the boys for what they might encounter, I'm hoping we're going to bump into some wildlife today.
' Look, giraffe! ALL: Whoa! Yes! Yeah, boy! That is mad! That is just an awesome animal.
Did you know that there are the same number of bones in a giraffe's neck as there are in a mouse's neck? 'No, I didn't.
Nice fact, Blowfish! But the first thing we need to do is get our lines wet.
' What are we actually doing today, Jay? Well, we're en route to a river.
We'll be fishing for a species of catfish.
Catfish, eh? But the only thing that I'm concerned about is coming up to some serious wildlife by these river holes.
We've got lions, elephants, leopards.
Hippos! The hippo is the animal that's responsible for the most injuries or deaths in Africa.
'The Ewaso Nyiro River - where we'll be trying to hook the catfish - is surrounded by wildlife.
It's is the perfect place for my pre-Turkana boot camp; a test of nerve.
' I think we've got a slight dilemma, fellas.
Oh, my God.
Well, there's only one way down! Why do we have to go down there.
Why can't we just fish here? Actually, to be fair, catfish like deep pools.
That, my friend, is a deep pool.
'20 feet deep infact.
' You're going to have to give it a good leap, mind, make sure you clear the rock.
Are you happy? Let's do it.
If I don't come back up, be worried, all right? Good luck, mate.
Go on then, go on! Yes! Yeah, ha-ha, Yes! All right?! Woo! Jay, mate, Jay, Hippo! Hippo, mate, hippo! (LAUGHTER) You best move out the way.
This is a Blowfish incoming.
Off you go, mate.
Yes! (LAUGHTER) 'The biggest fish in this river are the shark-toothed catfish.
Like Nile Perch, they're a dominant species.
But they shouldn't be as tricky to catch, so none of us want to be the last to hook one.
' Yes! Straight in, boy! Jay's in! A bit more, bit more, yes! Look at that! Mate, that's the one, that's what we're after.
Dude, this is a shark-toothed catfish.
You can see why you call them shark-toothed catfish.
You see those little plates there? They're covered in thousands of little villiform teeth.
Because he's got these strong pectorals, right? If he's in a pool and it's drying up, (INHALES), big gulp of air, he can climb up out of the water and walk and go and find another pool.
And even something as simple as morning dew keeps him wet enough to march over the African continent.
That's because this fish can breathe air.
Wow, and that's my first ever catfish.
Well, it's only fair you put him back.
Whoa, he charged off, didn't he?! Honestly, Jay Lewis is the most lucky Cornishman sometimes.
'On this side of the river, Charlie, we call it skill.
' Oh, sunshine! Yes, fish! Oh, mate, he's a fighter! Whey! That's it, lovely.
Bring him up.
There you go.
Whoa, he's feisty.
Look at him jump.
Mate! He's a little beauty, isn't he? He's beautiful fish.
It's the fishing bonanza over here.
Jay, you can pipe down.
Fish, well done.
Look, mate, I'll put him back in and maybe he'll come over to you.
Haha! Yeah, boy! He don't like it, does he? He doesn't like it.
I think we should try a bit further down, try and find a nice deep pool.
Maybe some bigger catfish.
Yeah, all right then, mate.
Let's have it.
'Sounds like an excuse to me.
But Charlie's convinced he can find a better spot.
However, we've got company.
' (WHISPERS) Whoa, mate, there's hippos there.
Wow, look at the size of its head! Charlie, this was your idea, but I don't fancy competing with all these hippos.
Where there's hippos, there's good fishing.
They've spent all night out here eating the grass and they go back in there during the day.
And basically, when they go to the loo, there's loads of grass that attracts all the small fish in, and what can they attract? The big fish.
The best spot is right under their nose.
I'm not quite sure I'm keen hooking in to a hippo.
Fish, we're not going to hook a hippo, mate.
(EXHALES, CHUCKLES) This is bonkers! Be ready to drop your rods and run, because if one comes at you, that's an argument you're not going to win.
(BUBBLING) Blimey, it's like me in the bath! He's got a bite.
Yeah! Right underneath the hippo's jaws.
Told you it was a good spot here, mate.
Bring it this way, got him.
Yes, look at that! It's the hippo poo.
Good gambit, mate.
Look at that! Yes, Charlie.
That's an awesome fish.
Well done.
See, mate, that's where they live.
Right underneath their nose.
Right, shall we put him back? 'Better late than never, Charlie.
Now we're all square, it's time to call it a day.
After a night in a safari camp, we're stocking up and moving out.
Late Turkana is so remote, we have to take everything with us to survive for the next three days in the middle of nowhere.
If we land the biggest freshwater fish in Africa, it'll be worth the pain and suffering we're going to endure on Lake Turkana.
I'll suffer for a big Nile Perch.
Thank you, Charlie.
'This will be the longest leg of our mission.
A punishing eight-hour off-road drive through the heart of Kenya in the blistering heat of the desert, and finally, Lake Turkana.
' The journey continues! Cor, it's like being rained upon on fire, man! Oh, it's jiggly! Contact front, fellas! Bloody hell! Are these roads going to be like this all the way? I think it's going to get worse.
'We drive all day .
but as the sun goes down it's clear that we're not going to make the lake tonight.
' Jay, it's 6:18.
That means we've got about ten minutes to find somewhere to sleep.
That's not going to happen, is it? Well, there's no pressure then, is there? 'I would rather set up camp before nightfall, but we're travelling in one of Kenya's wettest months.
A flash flood out here could easily leave us stranded.
We HAVE to keep pushing on.
But the further we go, the more the tracks become impassable.
' Watch out, watch out, whoa! Geez! If I'd have went off that, game over.
Absolute game over.
(ON RADIO) Oh, man! Pull it up, Jay.
We're gonna have to go back and help them.
Oh, man, OK.
'Andrew, driving our support vehicle and towing our safety boat for Lake Turkana has not been so lucky.
' Keep coming, two metres! One metre! Stop! OK, slowly.
Slowly, slowly, slowly! Ooh, that's tough.
Go, go, go! Go, go, go, go! Whoa! Woohoo! Oh, man! (LAUGHTER) Dude! 'That's one problem solved, but we don't have to wait long for another.
' Oh, they're stopping.
So it transpires now one of the vehicles has run out of petrol.
So, we're now starting a very sophisticated siphoning process to get the fuel (!) I think it's half past two, three in the morning.
Tilt it on this side, yeah.
But I guess it's what they call "an experience".
Character building, I suppose, is what Jay would say.
Toughening me up.
I'm not tough, but I'm certainly at the limit of my Yeah, I just feel quite broken already, to be honest.
But I won't admit that to him.
'But this unrelenting African drive is not done with us yet.
' (RAIN POURING) Listen to that rain! This ground now will turn to liquid.
Kenya has thrown everything against us today.
Absolutely everything.
The next place that I see, we are pulling over.
'Finally, after 20 bone shaking hours, some luck.
A village and shelter.
' Mate, that's better than sleeping out.
We've got cover at least.
Right, let's not faff around, let's get our stuff out.
I wasn't planning on this, but we can't beat Mother Nature, can we? We just can't do it but we're going to get some sleep now and hopefully we'll be able to get back out.
There's a possibility after this rain, how heavy it is, that we're going to have to stay here and won't be able to continue our journey.
'We're on the long journey to Lake Turkana in Kenya in pursuit of the giant Nile Perch.
The guys are shattered, but the rain has passed so we can finally set our sights on our end destination.
' Just look at the landscape.
It's so barren.
I reckon we're getting close.
Look, look, look.
It's through there, through the middle.
Surely that can't be it.
Dude, no way! Wow, wow, wow.
There were bits on this journey I didn't think we were going to find it, and there it is! I see what you mean about an extreme environment.
'Lake Turkana is enormous.
It's 200 kilometres long and 40 kilometres wide.
It's more like the sea than a lake.
No wonder it's hiding some monster fish.
But the difference in temperature between land and water means it's prone to violent storms and howling winds.
Whoa! It's windy! Really windy, mate! Welcome to Lake Turkana, fellas.
Very soon we can we start the final mission; our quest to catch a Nile Perch.
For now, as I can't see any fancy hotels, we've got to set up camp.
' They're nice modern tents, Jay, thanks very much(!) These do seem to be like the tents from Lawrence of Arabia! (LAUGHTER) Jay, do you think that's going to be big enough? (LAUGHTER) That is a cluster, mate.
You know what? I've wrapped on that.
That's ridiculous.
Well, this is your idea, Jay.
These are YOUR tents.
Surely, when you were in the Royal Marines Yeah, we didn't have tents, we slept on the floor! Beachfront villa, ta-da! 'Turkana may be desolate but that doesn't mean it's uninhabitable.
Dotted along its shore are a few hardy fishing villages.
' Wow, what a place to live, eh? Incredible, mate.
'The lake is the main source of food here.
Without fishing, the villages would probably starve, so I'm hoping they can teach us a thing or two.
' Hi, guys.
All right? How's it going? I don't think they've ever seen anything like you, Fish.
Quality haircut, that's the Mohawk.
You look tribal, Fish.
And that.
(WOMAN AND CHILDREN LAUGHING) 'What Blowfish doesn't know is Mohawks are common here.
Well, as long as you're a woman.
' He's now getting his hair done in Kenya.
Do you have any of this dye? Yeah, Fish needs some dye.
What's going on?! Oh, what's going on?! No, you're looking good, bro.
This is what I've been waiting for.
The real superstar experience, this.
He's ready! (APPLAUSE) Oh, we're getting a dance on.
Oh, I'm getting a dance on, yes! Come on, get in! I've not seen my hair yet, so I can only assume that I look the absolute business.
Get in there, Jay, let's see the Bootneck Shuffle! 'It may be a great welcome, but we haven't come all this way for a party, or a new hairdo.
At night, Lake Turkana throws another challenge our way.
Look at that.
That's doubling over, man.
'I've served in the deserts of Afghanistan, but I've never experienced a sandstorm like this.
' Ah, man.
(WEARILY) Morning, gentlemen.
Look who it is.
You just spent the week with the Kenyan army or.
? I've been scrubbed clean by sand.
There is sand physically everywhere.
'But after the night from hell, we've got to get our act together as we've just got one more day to land a Nile Perch.
' Right, take me to Perch Rock.
'To increase our chances, we're all joining force .
but the storm has left a swell.
' Whoa! Trouble is the best fishing spots, sometimes you have to take a certain amount of risks for the benefits at the end.
Yeah, exactly.
Keep firing them out boys, and standby! Casting.
Getting good at casting.
Where are the fish? 'After six long hours and hundreds of casts, that's a very good question.
Even MY morale is ebbing away.
' Jay, mate, this is ridiculous.
This is ridiculous.
Two days getting battered by that sun, the sandstorm from last night, it's all catching up on me now.
I'm really starting to feel it.
And these Perch just aren't fighting or biting today.
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh, yes! Yes, he's in! That's a monster! Yes! Give me the paddle, give me the paddle, give me the paddle! How can I give you the paddle, Charlie?! Don't rock me, don't rock me.
Just stay there, stay there, stay there.
Don't rock me, yes! Two frickin' days! Where is it? Where is it? Below us! What do you want me to do here? Whoa, he's going again! Right, start paddling back! I can't paddle because you've got the paddle, Jay.
We're gonna lose it.
No, we're not gonna lose it.
Charlie, paddle.
Right there, quick.
We're gonna hit the reef.
We're not gonna hit the reef.
All right, just get him here and I will get him.
OK, I've got it.
Yes! Look at that! Yes! Jay, look! (WEAKLY) Yes! I've lost me voice! Jay, boy, here he is! Woo-hoo-hoo! That has completed the journey, fellas.
Two days of backbreaking pain, sun, sandstorms.
It might not be the biggest Perch but it's not about the size, just think about how we got here - the journey alone.
From Cornwall to Kenya, and everywhere in-between! You have deserved that fish, mate.
You have been fishing hard on that rock for two days and finally you got one.
That is a special moment for me.
Mate, he's a beautiful fish as well.
Honestly this place has battered and bruised us, but it's making it all worthwhile.
Are we going to give that to the villagers? Yeah, I'll make sure that he rides home in style.
Right, which way's home? That way.
A long way away.
OK, let's go.
'After everything we've been through to get here, this little beauty might just be my best catch ever.
' (ALL SINGING) # Show me the way to go home # I'm tired and I want to go to bed BLOWFISH: # I caught a little fish on Lake Turkana now # And it's gone straight to Jay's head! (ALL LAUGHING)