Friends s04e15 Episode Script

I'm getting my nails done! You said it was going to be fun.
Which it kind of is.
You said there would be guys.
There are no guys.
There's one right over there.
That's a mailman! That's our mailman! Hi, how are you.
Don't worry.
This doesn't make you any less of a guy.
That does.
What am I sitting on? What was this woman scratching when this broke off? You know who had nails like that? Oh my God! The One with All the Rugby Joey, let me ask you a question.
What does this light switch do? Nothing.
Did it drive you crazy to not know? I know what it did.
Nothing.
They put it there for something.
How can you not care? Like this.
Here's another question.
What does the silver knob on the toilet do? It flushes it.
Since you know, when you come over, would you use it? -Hello.
-Hey.
-Oh, my God.
Wow.
-Guess who we saw today? -Janice! -ls this amazing? -How have you been? -Well, I'm divorced.
Oh, wow.
I'm riding the alimony pony.
And there it is.
I just came up to say "hi.
" Sweetie, I'll see you later.
I'll see you tonight.
-Bye.
-Bye.
-Bye.
-Bye.
I can't stand the woman! What? I thought you were crazy about her! But you know all those annoying things she did before? Her voice, her laugh and her personality? They're all back! And she's picked up, like, nine new ones! Why'd you bring her here? There's people here! Don't worry.
I'm taking care of it.
You are not! You never break up with her.
I don't have to break up.
We're not involved.
I'll do a preemptive strike.
I'll end it with her before it starts.
My ass is, like, frozen! Try sticking it in the freezer for 20 minutes.
I'm telling you! I can't believe you walk alone here at night.
-You hear such stories about New York.
-It's not that bad.
I mean, l, for one, feel perfectly safe.
Help! Help! No, no, Ross! These are friends from home.
Liam, Devon, this is Ross.
-Hi, mate.
-How are you, man? That was a good one, huh? "Help! Help!" How are you? I've been meaning to ring you ever since I arrived but I've been rather busy.
We have not seen each other since that U2 concert.
Oh, my God.
You're right.
Actually, the last time we saw each other was the next morning.
Oh, Liam! Oh, Liam.
So were you guys playing soccer? Or should I call it "football"? We were playing rugby.
In fact, we're playing tomorrow.
You're welcome to play.
Ross play rugby? I don't think so.
What's so funny? Well, you're American, to start with.
You don't have rugby here.
Well, we didn't have freedom here until 1776 either, so.
So, good! We'll see you at the park at two.
Cheers! Oh, boy! I just love to sing.
Yes, I know you do.
The reason people complained was because they paid to hear the actor sing "Old Man River.
" Look at us! Who would've thought Cupid had a station at 14th Street Nails? Okay, we have to talk.
I'm just getting out of a very serious relationship.
I know.
And I'm just getting out of a marriage.
Talk about "meant to be.
" Right.
But I think this is happening too soon.
Oh, too soon, too schmoon! Face it, I'm not letting you get away this time.
I hear you! But unfortunately my company is transferring me overseas.
Oh, no! Where to? To Paris? No, not Paris.
To London? Rome? Vienna? Barcelona? Could you just stop talking for a second? Yemen.
That's right.
Yes! I'm being transferred to Yemen! When? I don't know exactly.
Well, I will just have to soak up every ounce of Chandler Bing until that moment comes.
But I do know it's sometime tomorrow.
-Done? -Yep! What's up? This switch is driving me crazy.
I turned it off and checked every outlet.
Four don't work, which means one is controlled by the switch.
So I plugged things in the outlets that make noise.
That way, when I turn it on, I just follow the noise.
Bet I stopped listening first.
You know, you also could have used lamps and followed the light.
Yeah, well, I'm using noise.
So, everybody ready? Here we go! Something.
I hear something.
Where is it? It's coming from Joey! Oh, my God! That's so freaky! Turn him off! Could we put on the news? It might be raining.
Hold on.
I'm watching this rugby thing on ESPN.
I'm man enough to play this sport! You're not even man enough to get the channel that carries the sport.
Hey there, Ross! Janice.
You know, you really didn't have to help me pack.
When you said all you'd be doing before you leave is packing you really didn't leave me much choice.
I thought I did, but I guess I did not.
What's going on? I'm packing, you know, because I'm moving to Yemen tomorrow.
Thanks for telling me! I'm going to be pretend-moving to Yemen.
To get rid of her.
Good one! Yemen! That actually sounds like a real country! I'll show you how to roll your underwear and stuff it in your shoes.
It's a space-saver.
I do that because it makes me look taller.
Come on! -Joey, trade lives with me.
-Nope.
Ross, I can't believe you said you'd play.
This is brutal! I can handle it.
Please, Ross.
You got hurt playing badminton with my dad.
That's because your mom's dog kept looking at me.
Look! Right here, it's called a "scrum.
" It's like a huddle.
And is a hum like a scruddle? Ross, they're going kill you! Why are you doing this, anyway? You should've seen the guy she used to date.
He's like "Joe Rugby"! You're kidding! And he plays rugby? That's funny! Oh, I see.
You did that.
She thought the very idea of me playing rugby was hilarious.
So I'll show her how tough I really am.
I'm sorry.
You are a tough guy.
The toughest paleontologist I know.
Ross can take care of himself.
It's not like he's Chandler.
Thanks.
Don't worry about me.
I'll just look energetic and stay away from the ball.
I'll be that guy, right outside the circle.
Maybe there was a dog looking at him.
Stay away from that guy and that guy and that one.
Dude, they're all huge! They're no bigger than me.
You're closer to you.
So you look bigger to you from where you are.
I'm going to go say "hello.
" I kind of liked it.
I know what to do.
I've got to go Red Ross.
You know, Red Ross? Totally don't know.
That time we were in line for Dances With Wolves and that guy cut in front of us and I just lost it? Screamed at him, turned all red! Red Ross! You'll see! Liam, do me a favor.
Go easy on Ross.
It's his first time.
You don't say? Good luck, babe.
Come on, get in here! Come on! Come on, get in the bloody scrum! Ross, get in! Joey! You're not going to believe it! Joshua came in today, and guess what? He asked you out? But I showed him some cuff links, and I felt his pulse.
Saucy! -What are these? -Electrical plans for the building.
Okay, should I be scared? I know that switch does something.
I got these from City Hall.
I just paid $25 and waited for three hours.
Wow! If only more people knew! All right, do you understand any of this? No, I don't understand any of this electrical stuff.
All right, does this look like a switch? I don't know.
-ls this wiring? -I don't know.
That looks like a bunny though.
You really didn't have to take me to the airport.
Oh, please.
Every moment is precious.
Besides, someone had to ride with your luggage.
And your friends don't seem to care that you're leaving.
We're not that close.
Okay.
So I guess this is goodbye then.
Oh, no! It's not goodbye.
I'm not leaving till you get on that plane.
Okay.
Well, I guess it's just "wait here" then.
I need a fake ticket to Yemen.
One ticket? I just need a pretend ticket.
I'm sorry.
I don't understand.
Okay, what would you give a kid to play with? Are you traveling with a child? No.
She'll think I'm handing you a credit card.
But what I'll really hand you is a library card.
A ticket to Yemen is $2100, and we don't take library cards.
What's the matter? Is something wrong? Do you have to stay? American Express? I can't believe they're doing that! I told them to go easy on him! No offense, but sometimes it's hard to understand you, with the accent.
That's just halftime.
There's more.
Did you see me? I was pretty good.
That is one fun game! Do me a favor? Grab me some water? Thanks! I think I'm dying.
I really do.
Poor baby! Tell my son that I love him.
Excellent! Got to have some more fun! They are killing you.
That's not true.
She's right.
You have to stop! No! I'm not stopping.
I'm Red Ross! Dude, you go back out there, you'll be Dead Ross.
I'm not quitting.
I'm going to finish this game.
If you insist on it, at least let me help you.
It's no place for a woman.
Those guys will grab anything! That's not it.
I just know a few things that can help you inflict pain.
I like that.
Listen closely.
Devon has got a weak ankle.
One swift kick and he'll back off.
Bad ankle.
Got it! And that big bloke with the beard? He's got a trick hip.
And David over there, he doesn't wear a cup.
I could use that.
Trick hip, no cup.
Okay! And Liam's got bad knees.
Hit him right and he'll go down like a lamp.
But Liam's on my team.
-I don't care.
Just get him! -Go and get him! I am going back in! Red Ross! Yeah! What are these? Just some pictures I made and hung up.
I thought they'd brighten up the place.
Don't they? No, don't.
There's no hole there.
I just really like that picture.
Oh, my God! Look at this! But there is a wire there! It's connected to something! I don't care! The wires have come loose in your head! If I could follow the wire, I'd find out what it did.
And did you? No.
It disappears behind there.
For a minute, I thought it went downstairs.
Say hello to Mrs.
Catrokis.
-Hello, darling.
-Hello, Mrs.
Catrokis.
Hey, Mrs.
Catrokis, do you know Kenny? You have got to be kid Wow! Are you sure you don't want a doctor? No, that'll just bring me down! This was great! I was great! This was a great day! I'm buying everyone coffee.
Just grab my wallet.
It's in my pocket.
No, not you.
Your eye's still popping out.
I'll go get some ice.
Ice, yeah! I'm so in the mood for ice.
You were amazing out there.
I kind of was, wasn't l? Oh, my God! I made a man twice my size cry! I haven't done that since I was four and I washed my dad's Porsche with rocks.
You really enjoyed yourself, didn't you? Are you kidding? I hurt three huge men.
I gave a guy a bloody nose! I'm not proud of it but I really am! And it's all because of you.
-Wonderful, amazing you.
-I think you've got a concussion.
No, I'm serious.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I'm sorry.
Did that hurt you? It's worth the pain.
You know what? It's not.
This is the final boarding call for flight 664 to Yemen.
Well, I guess I gotta go.
My Bing-a-ling.
I'll wait for you.
How long will you be gone? Well, just until we find an energy source to replace fuel.
I'll write you every day.
Okay.
Goodbye.
Janice! There you are! I had to have one last kiss.
And also, you said you'd leave after I got on the plane! No.
I want to see you take off.
Well, then I guess I'm going to Yemen.
I'm going to Yemen! When we get to Yemen, can I stay with you? All right.
The super couldn't figure out what it did.
The $200-an-hour electrician couldn't figure out what it did.
I've had seven pretty serious shocks.
I give up.
Thank God.
I guess Joey was right.
It does nothing.
See? I'm doing it! I am totally doing it! I lost it.