Gamer's Guide To Pretty Much Everything (2015) Episode Scripts

N/A - The Luchador

1 So cool our parents are letting us take a road trip.
Where's Franklin? When I told him we were going away for the weekend, he ran home to pack.
He's that excited for the SoCal Invitational? No, the kid just loves to pack.
Howdy doody, travel buddies! Franklin, you really need all those bags for just your clothes? It's not just my clothes.
I got my vitamins, ointments, and special sheets from my doctor.
Just when I think you can't nerd it up any more, you walk in here with prescription bed sheets.
You should've packed lean like me.
I'm bringing one python and two ferrets.
I'm bringing one very lumpy python.
There's nothing like a road trip.
Highway in front of us, - and the smell of adventure in the air.
- ALL: Whoo! ALL: Ewww! Adventure smells like pee and hot cheese.
Your cousin Dwayne's van seems a little dangerous.
Yeah, there's a big hole in the floor back here.
It's called a toilet? Hey, this van may not look like much, but what's important is it's totally safe.
See? Air bags work.
Let's go! Are you sure we're in the right spot? Yeah.
It seems like we drove way too long.
Yes, we're in the right spot.
Okay? I programmed the GPS myself.
We're in El Segundo, California.
You have arrived in El Segundo.
See? - Mexico.
- Mexico what now? You know what? There's still plenty of time to get to the tournament tomorrow, right? [chuckles] Where's Franklin? [Mexican music playing] [Title music] Gamer's guide Gamer's guide 2x03 - The Luchador Gamer's guide Okay, we wanna go to California.
El Segundo.
Rerouting for Mel's tongue show.
Uh, no, not "Mel's tongue show.
" El Segundo.
It's a small town.
Let me see if I understand.
At Mel's tongue show, there is a tall clown.
Let me see.
I think I can fix that.
You're welcome.
We need to get out of here.
If we wanna make it to Nationals this year, we have to get to that tournament by tomorrow morning.
You really wanna leave here before we get spit on by Pepito? Uh, yeah.
- What's a Pepito? - I like getting spit on.
Pepito is the most beloved llama in all of Baja.
If he spits on you, you'll get good luck.
[Chuckles] That's ridiculous.
You really think just because a llama spits on you, you're gonna get good luck? [Phone chimes] Rerouting to El Segundo, California.
It works.
What are you waiting on? Go get spit on.
We got a tournament to win.
All right, llama, hit me with it.
Maybe he'd be more comfortable if he wasn't stuck to that fence.
All right, llama, spit.
Come on Oh, no, he's running right for that cliff! [Pepito's long bleating] [crash] You two are in big trouble! Oh, man.
Somebody should really tie that thing up.
Not only have you broken the spirit of our village, but you have broken the leg of Pepito.
Oh, dude, get over it.
He's a buck-toothed pony with a perm.
You'll get out of here when you pay your $100 fine.
Oh, come on.
If you were gonna fine them for every little law they broke, you might as well fine them for all the pomegranates they snagged from the farmers' market.
Aha! Or for when I washed my socks in the town fountain.
Aha! Don't forget when we threw the brick through the town window.
- Ha! - Or when I Thank you, guys.
I think he gets the point.
Your new fine is $500! - BOTH: What?! - Well, good luck, you guys.
We'll catch up after the tournament.
Franklin and I will do our best without you.
No, no, no! You're the one who got us stuck in Mexico in the first place.
You told us to get spit on by Pepp-ito.
ALL: Pepito! Okay, you know what? I am very resourceful.
I will figure something out.
And when I do, I'll pay the $500! You can just add your little desk to the bill.
Hola, gamers.
2 Here's a tip for when you get lost in Mexico and encourage your friends to pet a lucky spitting llama, which runs off a cliff.
Resulting in them getting thrown in jail, which, believe me, will happen to you at some point.
Go through your suitcases and sell whatever you can for money.
Only slightly used.
Well, I see someone has an eye for quality.
I don't think she knows what it is.
Show her how it works.
[Music box plays "Pop Goes the Weasel"] [shrieks] This is hopeless.
We're never gonna get the money and make it to the tournament tomorrow.
We can't give up.
I already tried that.
Wendell and Ashley made me feel really guilty about it.
Besides, they're not only our teammates, they're our friends.
So what are we gonna do? You think someone's just gonna walk on over and slap a poster on that wall telling us how we're gonna make 500 bucks? Could you keep it down back there? We're trying to figure out how to make 500 bucks.
[Hammering continues] Franklin, look.
Make 500 bucks.
No experience necessary.
They're hiring wrestlers.
Those aren't just wrestlers.
They're part of a proud Mexican tradition known as Lucha Libre.
It combines pageantry, athleticism, and man tights.
You guys interested? All you have to do is lose.
So, gamers, here's how this whole Mexican wrestling thing works.
It's all just a big show.
You climb in the ring, put on a mask, and then lose to one of the real luchador teams.
Well, it's your lucky day, sir.
You just found yourself a big pair of losers.
That's us.
[Cracks knuckles] Look at that guy.
He looks like he belongs in a prison.
Yeah, I'm guessing that's why he's in here.
Don't worry.
I know what to do.
We just gotta let him know that he's not the baddest dude in here.
I'm gonna show him how tough I am by punching you in the Okay, Pablo, you're free to go.
But I hope you learned your lesson about not paying your library fines.
Library fines? And to think I was afraid of you.
Conor, I'm more nervous than that time that goat hissed at me at the petting zoo and I peed myself.
Remember that? You ready to do this? Yeah.
Just give me one second.
What I just told you is between me and you, okay? Libra code.
All right.
Just figured out why these things are called man tights.
'Cause, man, they're tight.
Hey, there you are.
Here's your $500.
We more than earned it.
You didn't say anything about us getting the snot knocked out of us.
- Now I'll just subtract your fees.
- Fees? There's a costume rental fee.
Ring rental fee.
Churro snacking fee.
We didn't eat churros.
It's worth it.
They're delicious.
So how much money do we have left? Uh $300.
That's not enough to get Ashley and Wendell out of jail.
Maybe we could just get one of them out.
BOTH: Ashley.
No, we can't leave Wendell in there.
I checked the rules.
The tournament requires four players.
Well, if you need a little more money, I'd love to have you lose for me again.
There is the championship fight tonight.
All right.
We're in.
But I'll tell you this.
We're not paying any more fees.
Okay, but there's a small fee for waiving the fees.
You know, the fee-waiving fee.
That makes sense.
He is waiving the fees.
Those guys are taking too long.
I bet Conor and Franklin bailed on us.
That's what I would've done.
We're gonna have to break out of here ourselves.
You know what? I saw him eyeballing your sneakers.
Why don't you bribe him? I got a better idea.
I'm gonna bribe him with my sneakers.
Excuse me.
These sneakers are way too tight for me.
You wouldn't want them, would you? Oh.
Thank you very much.
He's playing hardball.
You've gotta offer him something else.
You know, these socks look kinda silly without shoes.
Why don't you just take them, too? Okay.
If you don't want them.
I think he's starting to break.
Keep going.
You are a very generous young man.
I'm going to do something that I shouldn't do.
He's gonna let us go.
I'm going to let you go ahead and have an extra dessert.
I guess he's gonna need one more bribe.
You know, without any pants, I guess I don't really need these boxers Yes, you do! Okay, next up is our final match.
My undefeated champions, Dos Diablos, against my favorite losers, Dos Burritos.
You told him our name was the two burritos? I don't speak Spanish.
I thought he was asking what we wanted for dinner.
Come on.
What's up, guys? Just so you know, we're gonna put on a good show, but we've got a tournament to get to, so we gotta lose by the third round.
Oh, no, no, Dos Burritos.
Tonight, you're not going to lose.
We are going to lose.
What? You're undefeated.
Why would you wanna lose? Our contract forces us to stay in this crummy league until we lose a match.
We got an offer from another league in Ensenada.
And they have a thriving arts community there.
Which is why tonight, we lose.
No, we can't win.
We won't get paid.
Oh, you will win.
Because if you don't, you'll really lose.
[growling] All right, Franklin, if we win, we don't get our friends out of jail, 3 and we don't get to that tournament.
So let's go out there and lose like nobody's ever lost before.
Let's do it.
[Bell rings] [Music] No, no, no, no, no.
[Snoring] He's finally asleep.
I'm gonna use this broom to get those keys.
You'll never get the keys with that thing.
You're gonna make too much noise.
Are you kidding? I'm a Ruckus, which means I'm half ninja.
Don't wake him.
I know what I'm doing.
[Clanking] [glass bouncing] [glass shatters] [snoring continues] That's it.
Give me the stick.
I know what I'm doing.
[Both arguing] [snoring continues] [marble lands softly] What was that? Aha! I see what's going on here.
[Music playing] Limbo party! - What are you doing? - [bell rings] It's hopeless, Conor.
- I don't think we're gonna lose.
- You hush your mouth.
You were born to lose.
Hey, remember that time that you were playing League of Leprechauns and you had the gold pot in your arms with only five seconds to go? What happened? I dropped my controller and the gold fell down the well.
You lost when we all thought losing was impossible.
You're right.
We can lose this, too.
Game on.
Come on, get over here.
Ow, ow, ow! Ow! Come on, come on.
[Bell rings] Come on, guys, what are you doing? These guys aren't gonna stop until we win.
That's brilliant.
New plan.
[Bell rings] This ends now.
Bring it.
Whoo! And the winner is Dos Diablos! - What?! He pinned him.
- But he pinned Franklin.
[Grunts] This burrito feels like a quesadilla.
Listen to that crowd.
- They love us.
Whoo! - Yeah! [Dos Diablos growling] But they don't.
Run! Oh.
I don't think Conor and Franklin are coming back for us.
Oh, that's okay.
I found a crack in the cement.
I'm digging us out.
Great plan.
Don't you think they're gonna notice - a big pile of dirt? - Oh, what dirt? All right, guys, we just paid your fine to the sheriff.
- Let's get to that tournament.
- Where were you five minutes ago?! I just ate a pound of Mexican jail dirt.
- You guys came back for us.
- Of course.
You think we'd just drive back to California and find a couple of gamers to replace you guys? That's what I would've done.
Hey, the door was unlocked.
I'm surprised you guys didn't just walk out of here.
BOTH: Ah, come on! Wait.
I'm not leaving here without my clothes.
Sheriff! Sheriff! I know how to get him.
Hand me that marble.
[Drops marble] What was that? Well, guys, Thumbs of Fury is officially the SoCal Invitational champion, - and that much closer to Nationals.
- Cheers.
Thank Franklin.
He had more kills than the rest of us combined.
- I may have had a little help.
You cheated? I knew he cheated.
Before I left Mexico, I got myself a jar of lucky llama spit.
Hotter than a dumpster fire out there! I am parched.
[Gasping] Eww Dude you just drank llama spit.
You think I don't know that? [thud, coins dropping] See ya, suckers! I'm hitting the batting cages!