Gamer's Guide To Pretty Much Everything (2015) Episode Scripts

N/A - The Prison Escape Movie

1 You're not gonna get away with this.
Huh.
Take that, you dumb troll.
Hey, what game you playing? I'm not playing a game.
I'm texting to my sister.
Stop wearing my shoes, you dumb troll! Check it out.
I got us tickets to the midnight showing of the "Prison Escape" movie.
Nice.
That movie is full of hidden clues that unlocks secret levels in the new version of the game.
Yeah.
I know.
It's gonna be awesome.
I thought we could uh go together.
Oh.
Together? You mean, together together? Like a date? - I guess - A date? Whoa, whoa! No, I got tickets for the whole team! I just meant I could pick you up.
Oh, good.
I thought you were asking me out on a date.
That would've been so weird.
Right? Yeah.
No.
Super weird.
F-For us.
For the team.
Mostly for me right now.
Yeah, 'cause we're friends.
We're not, ya know BOTH: That.
[nervous laughter] [both sigh] - Wendell! - Franklin! - Look who's here! - It's Wendell and Franklin! It's our whole team of friends that don't date.
You two are acting weird.
Stop it.
We are just excited because I got us tickets - to the Prison Escape movie.
- I'm out.
The Moms Against Movies website reviewed it, and gave it four scowls and a finger wag.
Oh, man, I've been reading all the spoilers online.
The buck-toothed guard is the one that sneaks them the explosives.
But Wendell, we don't want any spoilers.
Okay, fine.
I won't tell you the warden turns out to be a ghost.
BOTH: Wendell! Whoa The official replica suit of my favorite video game hero.
The Blur! [scoffs] What kind of super power is being blurry? You know what I like? Superheroes that are in focus.
[title music] Gamer's Guide Gamer's Guide 2x07 - The Prison Escape Movie Gamer's Guide Theater six, upstairs to your right.
Theater six, upstairs to your right! Didn't you just hear me tell that guy? God! Hey, Rainmaker.
Looks like your career as a magician has disappeared! [mocking laughter] Don't listen to him.
At least you're still in show business.
Yeah, that's what I tell my mom.
You hear that, Mom?! I'm not a loser! Not a loser? Dude, you rip tickets at the movie theater while your mom runs the popcorn machine.
Yes, but in six months, I will be running that popcorn machine! [maniacal laughter] I have video of her giving her friends extra butter squirts.
Okay.
Whoa.
You're not going in here without a chaperone.
This movie contains mild violence and brief alien nudity.
We know that, which is why we have these signed permission slips.
Oh, that's perfect.
Thank you.
[shredder whirring] Do you know how many candy-sucking zit bags give me forged permission slips every day? Hey, gamers.
We had those permission slips because our parents couldn't take us.
We usually bring Dwayne, but he's been recovering ever since he bet Wendell he could outrun a bear.
He could not.
But every gamer knows there's more than one way to storm a castle.
[deep voice] Birthday party in theater six, sub comin' in.
Not happenin'.
Sub goin' out.
All right, we're back with my dad.
- Yeah, he's our chaperone.
- That's not your dad.
- Why would you say that? - 'Cause that's my dad.
Gosh darn it.
Mom, Dad's doin' it again! - Come on.
- Whoa, nice.
Ha ha! I promised you Prison Escape, - and I delivered.
- Whoo! BOTH: Ssh! [grunting] Hey.
MAN IN MOVIE: I know you wanna kiss me, Diane, but I'm trapped in this bubble, this prison.
Wait, what? Oh, this isn't Prison Escape.
It's Prison of My Heart, about that man who has to live his life in a bubble.
We broke into a mom movie.
Gross.
Diane, no.
Don't kiss me.
Your braces! [bubble pops] [laughs] Let's go sneak into the right theater.
If we go now, Ronald will never find out.
Aha! Let's go, you three.
You're in my house.
I'm serious.
I sleep in the projection room.
Come on.
So, Mr.
Delgado, why do you wanna work at the Game Pit? Well, I need money to buy the Blur costume, and I know you guys have an employee discount.
You're not planning on reselling it online for a big profit, are you? No way.
I would never do that! And would you report to corporate headquarters if you, hypothetically, caught your boss doing that? Why, I certainly would.
[sucks air] Not! Excellent.
You're hired.
Now, there's lots of valuable stuff in here.
So if any bad guys come in here demanding money or merchandise, and I cannot stress this enough, it is not worth losing any of the money or the merchandise! So fight with everything you got! Well, I'm not much of a scrapper.
I think they'd destroy me.
Well, in that case, you'll always have a place on our wall of fallen heroes.
It's a place of honor, dignity, respect.
[glass shatters] First job, sweep up these losers.
The only way we're getting into that movie is if we get an adult to go with us.
And you know an adult with no social life - and nothing to do on a Friday night? - Yes, I do.
Hey, Miss McManus.
Quick question.
How would you like to be our chaperone to the new Prison Escape movie so we can unlock clues and find secret levels in the video game that just came out? That wasn't quick at all.
That was the longest question I ever heard in my life.
So what do you think? I'm not going to the movies without a date.
What do I look like a loser? - Conor! - Of course not! - We will find you the perfect date.
- Okay, I'm in.
But everyone knows a proper date includes dinner.
How would she know? Oh, and one more thing.
It's gotta be a double date.
I don't wanna be stuck alone with some weirdo.
Unless he's a hot weirdo.
Okay, we'll make it a double date.
Great.
Who's the other couple? Uh It'll be us.
You two are a couple? Yeah, we've been coupling for a long time now.
[chuckle] It's been so long, I can't even remember when we started.
Well, the important thing is, that we will find you a date, go to dinner, and see a movie.
It'll be great.
Ah.
Yes! Gotta go home and put this in my date calendar after I buy a date calendar.
So? I guess we are going on a date.
Yeah.
I guess we have to make people believe that we're, ya know BOTH: That.
[forced chuckle] Hey there, gamers.
So, when you're trying to sneak into a movie by playing matchmaker for a lonely librarian, you have to find the perfect blend of compatibility, mutual attraction, and just a hint of passion.
[chuckles] But our movie's in two hours, so Janice is getting the first guy we can sucker into going! Yeah, check her out.
Wha Hey, I swear, she's got a really great personality! Maybe we should stop showing everyone Janice's picture.
Okay, boss, here is your half-caf triple shot macchiato with one pump sugar-free hazelnut.
[spits] What?! I said basil nut.
"Basil nut?" That's not even a real nut! [groans] As if this day could get any worse.
First my girlfriend Rinona dumps me, and then you pump the wrong nut into my drink! [sobbing] Hey, Chad, I'm really sorry to hear - your girlfriend broke up with you.
- She broke my heart.
Fortunately, I was smart enough to take a little lock of her hair while she was sleeping.
I think I know why she broke up with you.
I think what I really need now is a friend to listen to What you really need is to date someone new! Get right back on the horse.
Yeah, and we've got a girl that wants to go out with you.
No way.
It's way too soon.
I couldn't possibly Okay, I'm in.
You got a picture? No.
Franklin, you're watching the store tonight! Daddy's back on the horse.
- How much is this one? - 29.
99.
- And how much is this one? - 29.
99! - How much is this one again? - [thru teeths] 29.
99.
Straight up I don't have any money.
Get out of the store, Stu.
I gotta lock up.
Come on.
And give me those! Oh, hello.
Do you mind? [chuckles] Trying on one little glove wouldn't hurt anybody.
[triumphant music] Your legs look delicious.
Your mussels look pretty tasty themselves.
Oh, they are.
[both giggle] I can't believe this is actually working.
These two freaks of nature like each other.
I can't believe that lady called us a cute couple.
It's not that crazy.
I mean, I'm a good-looking guy, and you're a beautiful girl.
I mean, you're, uh, kind of pretty! You're all right.
You're ugly.
Ohh.
Hey, you didn't tell me we were meeting here before the movie.
Beat it, Wendell.
We're on a double date! [chuckles] What?! "A double date?" All right, first of all, you two ew! And you two ewww! Wendell, we'll see you at the movie, after our "date.
" Oh, okay.
Yeah, I'm not buying it.
Everybody knows, if Ashley were to date somebody on the team, it would be me.
Wait.
You two aren't a couple? Is this whole date some kind of a sham - so you can go to that movie? - No, no, we're dating.
I swear.
Prove it.
Kiss him.
- Uh, we just kissed outside.
- Yeah, it was a long one, too.
I haven't seen it either.
Suck face! I guess we have no choice but to you know kiss.
I guess.
Hey, why are you putting my mussels in your purse? You weren't eating them.
I thought I'd take them home, - feed 'em to my cat.
- Gross.
You have a cat?! No, I have 30 cats.
Do you have a problem with that?! Cats are dumb.
[gasps] Plus they get hair all over my video games.
Video games? What are you, nine?! [gasps] Hey, guys, it's no big deal.
We'll talk about this after the movie.
There's not gonna be a movie.
This date is over.
You know what? That's fine, 'cause I see my ex-girlfriend Rinona.
She's probably here to take me back.
[chuckles] I'm dating your girlfriend now.
Not Stu! Anybody but Stu.
[sobbing] - I don't think we're seeing that movie.
- No, we are not.
Come on, Janice, it was just a little misunderstanding.
What do you say we salvage this date by heading over to the Prison Escape movie? [groans] Wait, Janice! So what if Chad hates cats and you hate video games? I'm sure there are tons of things you have in common.
Yeah, I can think of a few.
You're both lonely, sweaty, and you both have really hairy backs.
BOTH: Shut your face, Wendell! - I can't stand this kid.
- What, I can't stand him either.
I couldn't stand him from the minute I saw his twitchy nose! Or his beady little eyes.
- He's got a real - BOTH: Rat face.
[both gasp] Whoa! I don't know what just happened, but I'm pretty sure I just saved the day again.
You're welcome.
I hate it when he burps the alphabet.
I hate it when he farts the alphabet.
- How do you fart the alphabet? - Very carefully.
Hey! The Blur has no tolerance for injustice! Or wrongdoing.
Yah! Or evil.
Oh! I'm sorry, Mr.
Bunny.
I thought you were someone else.
The Blur fears no one! Oh, but Franklin does.
You get the consoles.
- I'll grab the games.
- Okay.
Hey, Eddie.
- We're not alone.
- Oh.
Hey! Thank you for choosing the Game Pit for all your burglary needs.
- Okay.
- Let's lock him in the closet.
He's just some dorky kid in his Halloween costume.
Hey! I'm not some dorky kid in a Halloween costume.
I'm [triumphant music] I'm the Blur.
Game on! Stop right there, evil-doers.
It's the Blur.
Get him! [neck cracks] [all cheering] I did it! I am the Blur! Ha-ha! I'm a real-life superhero.
When I am present, there is no need for police.
[burglars groaning] Oh.
But I should probably let them know.
It's the right thing to do.
Ooh, there's our first clue.
There's a code written on the cell wall.
This is awesome.
I can't believe we're here.
You know what makes it even better? That look on Ronald's face when we walked right past him.
Hey, Ronald.
[loud slurping sounds] - Hey, what's that slurping sound? - It's not coming from the movie.
It sounds like two pigs fighting over an apple.
ALL: Oh! It's Chad and Janice.
That is some serious PDA.
- Why is it so loud? - We're just little kids.
We shouldn't be seeing this.
- Guys, look away! - I want to but I can't! Guys, think of everything we've gone through to get into this movie.
We can ignore them.
We can be strong.
We can do this.
[slurping continues] - Ugh, I can't do this! - Nope! - I'm out.
What is going on down here? Ewww! Come on, you guys paid for two seats.
Use 'em.
- How's Wendell doing? - He's still in the bathroom pumping hand soap into his eyeballs.
Well, I guess we're not gonna get any more clues.
Yeah.
At least we don't have to pretend like we're on a date anymore.
Yeah, I'm glad all that awkwardness is behind us.
Yeah.
Well, good night.
Uh - Hey, Conor.
- Yeah? You actually drove me here.
Oh, right.
Well, glad all that awkwardness is behind us.
Come on, sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the theater for crying too loud.
But she popped his bubble, man! Fear not, good citizens of Redwood, for the Blur is here to keep you safe.
Hi.
It was nice of you to let him keep the suit.
Well, after the accident he had in it, I couldn't sell it to anyone else.
Look at him.
He really thinks he's the Blur.
Well, he's not.
Here.
Check out the security footage.
[laughs] Should we show him? Nah.
Let's let him have this one.
Hey, I already told you bikers.
This river walk's not for your type.
Move it along.
[bike bells ringing] And don't come back! You're welcome, Redwood.