Gamer's Guide To Pretty Much Everything (2015) Episode Scripts

N/A - The Has-Been’s Back

1 Before we get our weekly Thumbs of Fury meeting started, we have to do an official roll call.
We're all here, Franklin.
We're sitting right in front of you.
It's not an official meeting until we do the roll call.
Franklin? Here.
- Conor? - Here.
- Ashley? - Here.
- Wendell? - I'm not gonna say here.
You just said it.
You can't take it back.
All right, uh, any new business? - ALL: No.
- All right, meeting adjourned.
I have some new business.
Okay, I just gotta redo roll call.
ALL: We're here! What's up, Ash? I'm being considered for the annual Girls of Gaming tournament in San Francisco this weekend.
Whoa, that's awesome! Only ten girls get invited to that tournament.
Why is it only for girls? I can do anything girls can do.
- Can you have a baby? - Yes, I can.
Is that true?! Okay, well, I can't do that.
But I do want in to that tournament.
I'm gonna get to the bottom of this.
That tournament is one of the coolest events of the year.
They take over the entire top floor of the Madison Hotel.
And they always get a celebrity guest to hand deliver the invitations.
Not to toot my own horn, but two years ago, it was me.
Toot, toot.
I wonder who it'll be this year.
Taylor Swift? [gasps] LeBron James.
Ooh, maybe they'll get the cat that rides the vacuum! Yeah.
[robotic sounds] I think I know who it is.
Check it out.
[robotic babbling] Chopper! [gasps] The grumpiest droid in the entire Star Wars universe.
- I'm his biggest fan.
- Catching.
Yes! I made it into the tournament.
Thanks, Chopper.
[robotic grumbling] Wait a second.
I just realized, this is the first time I'm going to a tournament solo.
All of my strategies are team-based.
- Conor, you've gotta come be my coach.
- Yeah, no problem.
Okay, small problem.
I don't want Kid Fury to overshadow Ashley at the tournament.
When I was a celebrity guest there two years ago, it was terrible.
[girls screaming] Girls, please, one at a time! Just terrible.
[title music] Gamer's Guide Gamer's Guide 2x10 - The Has-Been's Back Gamer's Guide Oh, no, here we go.
Look, ladies, just wanna be left alone.
Phew! That was close.
- Would you relax, Conor? - Shh! Are you crazy? If they hear my real name, this will turn into a mob scene.
When we are here, I am Lionel.
I'm not calling you that.
Hey, Ashley.
What's up, Lionel? Wendell, do I even wanna know why you're here? I'm standing up for all the boys who aren't man enough to play in a girls' tournament.
- They're actually going to let you play? - They certainly are.
Once I pointed out to the committee that it was unfair to discriminate based on gender They let you play if you promised to shut up? Yeah, pretty much.
And now I'm gonna crush all these lady gamers.
What makes you think that? Because girls can't handle my trash talk.
And I'm not leaving until I make every last one of 'em cry.
- I'm gonna go sign in.
- All right.
[scoffs] Ladies, please Franklin? What are you doing here? I'm here to see Chopper.
But I don't wanna embarrass myself again.
That's why I dressed like an authentic Jedi knight.
Authentic? You're wearing your dad's robe, and your sister's Pilates pants.
Shows what you know.
It's my sister's robe, and my dad's Pilates pants.
Move it, ladies.
Male gamer coming through.
Hey, this'll be quick.
Hold my jacket, hon.
Oh, so you're the guy who wanted to play in the girls' tournament.
This is gonna be fun.
Hey, that's a cute controller.
Hey, sweetie, do you keep your makeup in there, too? Aha! Got her.
Classic Wendell.
Hey, just wanted to say good luck.
I don't need luck.
I'm a guy.
Oh, fake handshake! Two for two.
You might wanna quit now before you're nothing but a puddle of lady tears.
I'll be okay.
But for the record, I think it's really brave of you coming here.
You know, with those ears.
What are you talking about? I have amazing ears.
Oh, is this your idea of trash talk? Girls are so lame.
[buzzer sounds] Nothing wrong with my ears.
Dang it! Okay, Ashley, you're doing great.
Watch the ogres on your left.
And on your right, and behind you.
Just watch the ogres everywhere.
Hey, hey, hey, why are you stopping? There's an army of ogres coming over the wall.
Too bad I didn't already send them a firestorm.
Oh, that's right.
I did.
You're going to the semi-finals.
Hey, can we get a picture? Oh, no, here we go.
I'm sorry, Ashley.
I told you this was gonna happen sooner or later.
Okay, secret's out.
Yes, I'm Kid Fury.
But this is about Ashley Whoa! Okay, guys, that's enough pictures.
I used up all my poses.
Or did I? All right, all right, all right.
[groaning] What happened, Coach? You look like you've been trampled.
I may have been stepped on by a whole bunch of photographers, but I would hardly call it a trampling.
Oh, it was definitely a trampling.
I'm sure it's just because they didn't know who you are.
You're right.
They don't know who I am.
Oh, Conor, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it like that.
Are you kidding? This is great.
It's such a weight off my shoulders.
For the first time in years, I feel free.
I'm a nobody.
I'm a nobody! A has-been.
How did this happen to me? Why? Why?! Sorry about that, gamers.
I was just having a moment, but I'm over it now, 'cause I will do whatever it takes to get my fame back.
I just need to what happened to me?! Come on, Wendell, you can do this.
Get your head in the game.
[breathing deeply] OMG! Are you wearing those earmuffs to cover up your crazy ears? What? No.
I'm wearing them 'cause I'm cold.
You're sweating.
I can see your pit stains.
That's the design of the shirt.
Well, at least it takes the focus off your creepy eyebrows.
- Do you pluck those? - What? No.
That's why they're so bushy and weird.
I mean, of course I pluck my eyebrows.
What?! You're a boy and you pluck your eyebrows? Wait.
What do you want from me?! All right.
I'm gonna come out from over there.
All you have to do is take my picture, and yell out to everybody exactly who I am.
For 50 bucks? You got it.
Hey, look who it is.
It's the kid who paid me 50 bucks to act like I know who he is.
That's not what I meant, and you know it! [robotic grumbling] Oh, man, I'm next.
I'm really gonna meet Chopper.
Keep it together, Franklin.
As long as you don't do that weird thing where you talk out loud to yourself, you'll be just fine.
Hey, Chopper.
I'm your biggest fan.
I've got a Chopper alarm clock, Chopper bed sheets, and Chopper underpants.
Wanna see? [alarmed noises] Oh, man, you're just as lovably cranky as I imagined.
So what do you say? Wanna be best buddies with a heroic Jedi knight? [disgusted noises] Oh.
So you're not impressed by my Jedi.
Maybe I should think a little darker.
[Darth Vader voice] Chopper, join me, and together, we can rule the galaxy.
[anxious noises] What are you doing? I command you to stop.
- Lionel.
- It's Conor again.
[people screaming] Look, you've gotta help.
He's gonna hurt himself.
I'm on it.
Game on.
Wait, stop.
I'm on your side.
I just wanna be friends.
Look out for the window! That was unbelievable.
The kid nobody knows saved Chopper.
That's not nobody.
That's Kid Fury! Now I remember you.
Over here, Kid Fury.
Well, would you look at that.
Looks like the has-been's back.
All right, ladies.
Kid Fury! Faruq Tauheed? Dude, you are my favorite IGL host.
I didn't know you were here for this tournament.
Yeah, I came to get the lowdown on some boy that weaseled his way into a girls' tournament.
Oh, you mean Wendell.
I mean When you find him, call him a weasel for me.
Doesn't matter.
He's old news.
You, my man, are new news.
You hear that, ladies? I'm new news.
The video of you saving Chopper is going viral, and I need to get an exclusive interview.
You want me to be on Faruq Live At Five? That is huge! I mean, yeah, sure, I can probably swing by.
Conor, what are you doing? We're supposed to be going over strategies for the finals tomorrow.
Oh [chuckles] I don't know if you heard, but I kinda saved Chopper.
Yeah, that was great, and it was, like, four hours ago.
Don't worry.
I'll be at your big match tomorrow.
- What time is it? - 5:00.
Yeah, I'm not gonna be at your big match tomorrow.
What?! He's gonna be on Faruq Live At Five.
Can't you move it? The show's called Faruq Live At Five, 'cause I'm Faruq, and we're live at 5:00.
Yeah, you gotta understand, Ashley.
Millions of people will be watching.
I can't let my fans down.
But I guess you can let me down.
Hey, gamers.
I admit, it was a hard choice to bail on Ashley, but I figure, once I'm back on top, I'll be famous, and everyone loves having a famous friend, so by me not being there for Ashley now, I'll be able to be there for her even more in the future.
Yeah, I'm totally buying that.
What do you want, Chelsea? I've already lost all my matches.
I don't need you making fun of me.
Those were jokes.
Look, you don't have weird eyebrows, and your ears are fine.
I was just trying to get in your head.
What? Why would you I mean, duh.
I knew that.
That's why I didn't react.
I'm actually hear for my friend Jenny.
She has a crush on you.
Jenny? Huh.
She sounds hot.
In fact, she's in that closet right now.
She wants you to go in there and kiss her.
Heck yeah, she does.
Who wouldn't want all of this? Later, losers.
Whoa, it's really dark in here.
Oh, there you are, Jenny.
Yeah, let's not talk.
[kissing sounds] Mm, watermelon lip gloss.
He actually fell for it.
[gasps] Why would you do that? Trash talk's one thing, but you girls are just mean.
Guess you're not man enough for the girls' tournament.
You've got some real sick friends, Jenny.
Live At Five, Live At Five, [falsetto] Live At Five! Franklin, I couldn't go to sleep last night.
I just have the feeling I'm gonna make a huge mistake, and I need to know if I'm making the right choice.
This shirt or this shirt? Who cares? Now that I've ruined my chances of being friends with Chopper, it's like nothing matters.
Definitely this one.
Let's do this.
Hey, what's happening? Faruq comin' atcha Live At Five.
I'm here at Billy the Squid's with our guest, Kid Fury.
So tell me, K to the F, what's new? Just chillin'.
You know.
Doin' the famous things that famous people do.
I hear that.
I just got myself a Chihuahua.
[both laughing] So, yesterday, you saved Chopper at the Girls of Gaming tournament.
First of all, what were you doing there? Lookin' for that special somebody? No, I was coaching one of my teammates.
That's right.
You left your solo career to do the team thing.
- Mm-hmm.
- How's that working out? You know, the solo thing was cool, but I like being a part of a team because I get to game with my friends.
It's nice to know they'll always have my back, and I'll always have theirs.
Well, what you did with Chopper yesterday put you back on top.
How does it feel? Actually, it doesn't feel very good.
By coming here today, I've made two big mistakes.
First, I let one of my best friends down.
And second I let Franklin choose this horrible shirt.
- Sorry.
I gotta go.
- Where you going? You can't leave.
This is Live At Five, not Out The Door At Four.
Oh, gotcha! Didn't expect me to have a Level 70 ice mage in that portal, did ya? On the bright side, at least you don't have any friends here to see you lose.
There's one friend who's here to see her lose.
I mean, win.
And look.
Wendell's here, too.
[sobbing] I'm gonna miss you, Jenny.
Shouldn't you be on Faruq Live At Five? No.
I should be right here being your coach, like I promised.
I'm glad you're back Coach.
All right, Ashley, you know how to win this thing.
[all cheering] CONOR: You're in.
Keep going.
Get her! Looks like you just lost.
On the bright side, all your friends are here to see it.
Hey, Champ, - I'm sorry I wasn't - Hey.
You're here now.
Let's get a picture of the champion.
Oh, hang on a second.
There's someone else I want in this picture.
Not now! My eyes are puffy! Get in here, Coach.
Thanks for coming by, Chopper.
I know we can be best friends.
We just have to find something we have in common.
[robotic jabbering] How about we go see a movie? Okay.
Why don't we go down to the museum? They have an exhibit on meteorites.
Hey, Chopper, wanna go see how far I can chuck dead rats down at the junkyard? [happy noises] Oh, really? Heck yeah, I wanna come with you.
[chuckles] Thanks, Chop.
Do you mind if I call you Chop? [angry muttering] Chopper it is! Gamer's Guide