Glee Episode Scripts

N/A - Pot o' Gold

- Here's what you missed on - Shelby's back with Beth, and she's starting her own show choir at McKinley.
Mercedes is on board because she's tired - of Rachel and the Glee Club.
- I've outgrown you.
But Quinn's only playing nice so she and Puck can get the baby back.
Kurt, Rachel and Brittany are all running for senior class president, and Sue's running for Congress so she can cut funding for glee clubs everywhere.
And that's what you missed on Glee.
Top o' the mornin', Brittany.
Okay, first of all, you look magical and amazing, but I don't understand what you're saying.
So if you want to make it in this land, you really need to speak English.
- How's your first day of school? - It's grand.
Hey, Irish.
Wait.
Other people can see you? But only because you let them see you.
That's right.
I've thought about it a lot, and I know what I want as my first wish.
Your magical race, they make my favorite cereal, Lucky Charms.
I really wish that you would make me a box of Lucky Charms - with all marshmallows.
- You're in luck.
Lucky the Leprechaun happens to be my cousin.
And he lives two toadstools down.
Thank you.
Though I don't understand most of what you just said.
Work on it.
Go back to Mexico.
Hello.
Hi.
We got you something.
- Concealer? - To help with the bags.
Don't get us wrong, Ms.
Corcoran.
I mean, you are still the most tappable teacher at McKinley, by far.
You've been looking tired.
Which makes sense.
You're a single mother.
You've relocated.
You have a new job.
It's no wonder you've stopped working out.
Let us babysit Beth for a couple of hours, any night your choosing, for some me time.
Have you ever babysat before? Mmm.
Ask Mr.
Shue.
We took care of his sister-in- law's three demon spawn, and they were practically purring by the end of the night.
Please.
You said you wanted us to get to know Beth.
I got a bee in my bonnet, and that bee's name is government waste.
Earlier today, I saw a state employee in the person of one Verna the lunch lady throw away 300 pounds of precious, expired turkey gravy simply because Uncle Sam said there were too many weevils in it.
Well, you know what has no expiration date, voters? My rage.
I have in my hand the budget for the McKinley High production of West Side Story, a musical about a race war that glorifies gang violence, yet still seems extraordinarily gay.
This is a top secret document, Ohio, and we're opening it up tonight.
$2,004, Ohio.
That's a year's salary for a public school math teacher wasted on fake switchblades and the soft packing of teen dance belts.
If this nation wants to impress its future Chinese overlords, we need to get our priorities straight.
And that's why I encourage every Ohioan to call McKinley High School and sing them this song.
"I'm fed up and angry, too, and I agree with Candidate Sue.
" And that's how Sue sees it.
McKinley High.
Please hold.
McKinley High.
Please hold.
McKinley High.
Please hold.
You can't just cut the musical.
Sue's pom-pom budget is $4,000 a month.
Can't put a price on cheer, William.
I really expected more from you, Figgins.
I thought you were a friend of the arts.
William, I'm caught between a rock and a different, yet equally hard, rock.
Just this morning, I was assaulted in the parking lot.
You! My son can't read, and you want him to sing and dance? The Clinton years are over.
We're in a recession, William, that's about to double-dip into a piping hot Crock-Pot of voter fury.
And if this school doesn't learn some priorities, well, come November, the voters will gladly teach you some.
What if I can get the money myself? Ha.
Good luck with that, William.
The arts are going down.
Today the musical, tomorrow the Glee Club.
Next week, NPR and opera and brunch and Tom Bergeron.
Hi, Santana.
How many solos did you get in Glee Club last year? A few.
"Valerie.
" And I loved it.
I was also the lips in Rocky Horror.
Listen, if you and I were in Shelby's group, we'd get all the solos and the duets.
Our voices sound amazing together.
Plus, it's an all-girl group.
Why would I care about all-girl? It's all lady power all the time.
I mean, Shelby's a great teacher.
I'm I'm hitting notes I didn't even know existed.
She gets me what I have to give.
It feels good.
You know, honestly, I wish I could, but somebody's got to look out for Brittany.
I mean, that special place where she lives, yeah, it's beautiful, but someone's got to help her cross the street.
I could never just leave her.
Get her to come with you.
You know what, girl Chang? If you cry every time someone gets a hangnail, it kind of starts to lose its effect.
It's not a hangnail.
Mercedes was one of Glee's original members.
I feel naked in here without her.
Yeah, well, get used to it, 'cause without her singing for us, we're going to have to perform naked for the judges to vote for us at Sectionals.
No.
I will not let this setback crush our spirits.
I mean, we have handled worse.
Than losing one of our best singers? Kind of hard not to blame you, Mr.
Shue.
Think you were too hard on her at Booty Camp.
I blame Artie.
Why couldn't you have just given Maria to Mercedes? Because that would have damaged my integrity as an artist.
Sorry I am late.
I was putting up posters for my for my campaign.
Did you airbrush out your jowls? No.
Look, let's stop it, everybody.
So we lost a singer.
So they canceled the musical.
Wait, what? No, no, no, no.
You can't cancel my musical.
Sue cut the funding.
The point is, right now, we shouldn't - be turning on each other.
- I agree.
I can only speak from my experience with the Warblers, but no show choir is just one person; it's a team.
When we lost a Warbler, we just replaced him with another one.
Which is easy when your waiting list has a waiting list.
Dude, I know you're a big deal at Dalton or whatever, but we don't wear blazers here, so have a seat I'm trying to give a pep talk.
Didn't you just say something about us not turning on each other? No, you can't cancel my musical.
Okay? I was considering changing my name to Maria.
The musical is not canceled.
As for Mercedes, yes, that is a huge loss for us, but we will deal with replacing her later.
Right now, we need to focus on putting on this musical.
How? We sell ads in the program.
I figure we can get ten, maybe 20 bucks apiece for them.
So we'll only have to sell about 200.
Well, I think it's a brilliant idea.
And I volunteer myself to spearhead the charge.
It'll give me a great opportunity to, uh, bust out my Banana Republic Mad Men collection.
Okay.
All right.
Let's break off into smaller groups, figure out who's going to canvass which parts of the city.
And guys, I don't care what Sue does or who leaves us everyone in this group's dreams are going to come true this year.
- Let's do it.
- Hey, Santana.
Ready to help out the team? Yeah, of course.
Why? Just checking.
Hey.
- Finn Hudson.
- You know who I am? I've seen you on YouTube, losing Glee Club Nationals after tongue-kissing your girlfriend for ten minutes.
Uh I'm a big, big fan.
Thanks.
At ease.
- So who are you? - Me name's Rory Flanagan.
I'm a foreign exchange student from Ireland.
And I love everything about America, especially NASCAR, your half-black president and Victoria's Secret catalogs.
Yeah.
Cool.
Me, too.
I'm staying at the home of Brittany S.
Pierce, and she thinks I'm a leprechaun.
Yeah, she's kind of like Rain Man with boobs.
She said if I grant her three wishes, I can get into her pot of gold.
So I'm pretending to be a leprechaun.
Her first wish was for an all-marshmallow box - of Lucky Charms.
- Ah.
I really want to snog her.
I'm still a virgin.
Have you made any friends yet? Not really, except for Brittany.
I'm really lonely, you know? I thought America was all about different unique people coming together and accepting one another.
That's a pretty old brochure, dude.
I could really use some more friends.
Would you be my friend, Finn? - Whoa, whoa.
- It would be an honor.
In America, dudes don't ask dudes to be their friends.
Except on Facebook, but even then, it can take years.
Okay.
I'll be your friend.
But first, you got to help me.
One of the best singers in Glee Club quit recently, and there's talk of more defections.
You're staying at Brit's house, right? If you hear anything, let me know.
- I will.
- All right.
- Thanks.
- No problem.
See you around.
Finn Hudson that's Irish, right? Nah.
Nah, my mom's from Toledo.
Okay, uh, I got my iPod, my cell phone.
You have my number? You wrote it on my hand.
Okay.
Okay.
All right, honey.
I'm going to go.
I'll be back soon, okay? Give Mama a kiss.
If she gets upset, you just do a little "Itsy Bitsy Spider.
" She loves that.
It's okay, boo-boo.
It's okay.
Mommy will be right back, okay? It's okay.
She'll stop as soon as I leave.
I know she'll stop, okay? So don't worry.
Thank you guys so much.
Okay.
I really appreciate it.
Have a good run.
"Itsy Bitsy Spider," guys.
It's okay.
Here.
Let me take her.
She likes me.
It's okay.
Big Daddy's got you.
What are you doing? Proving that Shelby is an unfit mother.
First we plant the stuff, then we call child services.
Starting in the bathroom.
Let's put you down.
Baby botulism.
Saw this lady on TV who made her kid's forehead as smooth as his butt.
People practically lynched her.
You don't think she's going to notice? She's only sleeping four hours a night.
She barely knows her name.
Baby sacrifice makes me sad.
What's wrong with Shelby eating Mexican? Is that, like, a boob milk thing? It's illegal to give hot sauce to babies.
This mom used to put a drop on her kid's tongue when he was bad.
She went to jail for a year.
Jail seems a little extreme.
Shelby's a good mom.
Do you want our baby back or not? Yeah, I do.
Hey, Dad.
I wanted to show you my program for McKinley's production of West Side Story.
It's inspired by my favorite 1920s musicals.
Sounds great, Kurt.
Some reason you're showing this to me right now? I was hoping that you might be interested in purchasing some ad space to help save the show.
- Save the show? - We lost the funding.
We're hoping to sell enough ad space to cover the cost of the show.
They're only ten dollars each.
And I've already talked to the Lima Mortuary Society about buying a couple, and we we need about 200.
You fund Sue's cheerleading squad, but you can't find a couple grand for the musical? Figgins, allow me to introduce you to some friends of mine down at the Rotary Club.
These are the owners of Lima's three funeral parlors.
Well, strictly speaking, mine is a pet funeral parlor.
And mine is a crematorium.
So we also bake and deliver delicious brick oven pizza.
These three businessmen wrote a check today to fund West Side Story in completion, and are now assured full-page ads in the program for the musical.
I'm a big fan of the show, just because there are so many deaths in it.
So, Will, unless I'm mistaken, I think this means the show is back on.
Burt, I think you're right.
Gentlemen, thank you so much.
Appreciate it.
Really appreciate your generosity.
All right, thank you.
Thank you.
Burt, I can't thank you enough.
Hey.
Sue! Just thought I'd let you know we got the money, so the musical's back on.
Why, if it isn't Porcelain's dad, who may or may not have a baboon heart.
I thought I smelled blue collar.
Just so you know, after the musical's done, I'm going to organize as much money as I can to make sure you don't get elected.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold up there, cheese grits.
You mess with me, I will Temple of Doom my fist through your chest and pull out your still-pumping artificial heart which I will then hook up to my car, power us down to the lumberjack convention for some deep discounts on the Midwest's largest selection of ill-fitting flannels.
Bullies don't have a very good track record of messing with the Hummels.
I heard, and I am literally horny with fear.
You know, you might want to sneak a handful of Will Schuester's patented Butter-Flavored Follicle Cream, put some on your melon.
That way, you don't have to keep wearing those baseball caps that are fooling absolutely no one.
Don't know how she does it.
I would just like to see that woman lose, just once.
No, Mummy, America's wonderful.
I've made a ton of friends.
No, I haven't met Colin Farrell yet, Ma.
Mummy? One all-marshmallow box of Lucky Charms, as requested.
This is magic.
Oh, my God.
Thank you so much, Rory Leprechaun.
You know, now you're only, like, two wishes away from getting my pot of gold.
I have another story to tell you.
Every night, I feed Lord Tubbington nougat and sprinkles, and then I rub his belly seven times with glitter sticks, but so far nothing works.
You do that because ? I want Lord Tubbington to poop candy bars.
What? Does everybody wish for that or something? Brittany, I was wondering if maybe you'd like to do dinner tonight? Oh, I can't.
I have plans with a friend.
And you're not supposed to eat anything but four-leaf clovers anyways, so Thanks.
It's not that easy being green Having to spend each day the color of the leaves When I think it could be nicer Being red or yellow or gold Or something much more colorful like that It's not that easy being green It seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things And people tend to pass you over 'Cause you're not standing out like flashy sparkles In the water or stars in the sky But green's the color of spring And green can be cool and friendly-like And green can be big like an ocean Or important like a mountain or tall like a tree When green is all there is to be It could make you wonder But why wonder, why wonder? I'm green and it'll do fine And it's beautiful And I think it's what I want to be.
Brit.
I want to talk about, um, you know, that thing that we never talk about.
What, that Sour Patch Kids are just Gummi Bears that turned to drugs? Are we dating, or what? Wait, isn't this a date? Aren't you paying? 'Cause I ordered shrimp.
Wasn't last week when we were taking a bath together, wasn't that a date? Are you crying? It's just that I'm really happy.
Well, I told you last year that if I'm single and you're single, that we'd mingle.
And if there's any controversy that interferes with my presidential campaign, then I'll use one of my leprechaun wishes to win the election.
You you think that Great Gazoo kid is a leprechaun? Well, yeah.
Rory's from Ireland.
That means he's, like, made of magic.
Don't you have any wishes that you really, really want to come true? Yeah, I do.
I'm thinking of joining Shelby's new show choir.
If I did, would you join me? I'm so sick of always being backup to Rachel Berry.
I want to shine and be seen as the star that I am.
But I won't join without you.
I don't really want to be known as a quitter.
Doesn't my presidential campaign need continuity? Can I think about it for, like, a day? Yeah.
No, totally.
I understand.
Yeah, just think about it.
But in the meantime, I do have one more wish.
Mm-hmm? I wish you'd hold my hand.
But, like, under the napkin.
Global warming is awesome.
All those melting ice caps keep my pool cleaning business open from March through Thanksgiving.
I do my part by revving my truck's engine every day and never getting a smog check.
Business is booming.
I've gone from three pools to ten.
I've even got an assistant now.
I found a quarter and a dead raccoon.
Nice work, Pony.
You can keep the raccoon.
Thanks.
And then there's the ladies.
I like them in all shapes and sizes.
And, yeah, that sometimes includes extra large.
But what really makes my nipple ring twitch are the cougars.
That sun-kissed leathery skin means that they've done the nasty in all sorts of exotic places like Florida or New Mexico.
Puck, why don't you ditch the kid and come on back? I need some help with a clogged pipe.
Sure thing, Mrs.
Figler.
Oh, hey, did I show you a picture of my baby? She's so cute.
You know what? Why don't you just send Pony in? No problem.
Yeah, I live large and dream big.
But the problem with dreams is there's always some naysayer ready to crap all over them.
How many pools are there in Lima? I don't know 25, 30? You need to quit messing around and get a real job.
Do you have any idea how much it costs to raise a child? I called Child Protective Services, and they're backed up, but we should have our baby back within, like.
two weeks.
Holy crap, I can't believe you actually called them.
Everybody has their big plans colleges, New York, even you have your stupid pool cleaning business.
I mean, what do I have? Beth is perfect.
She's my perfect thing.
Something even I can't screw up.
Do you know how hard it is to do something perfectly? I'll never get the chance again.
So even if I never leave this town or accomplish anything I'll have her to call mine.
Puck.
Hi.
Hey.
I was talking to my condo manager, and he's looking for a pool boy.
It's an indoor pool, so it could be a year-round job.
If you're interested, I could give you a card.
Yeah.
Thanks, Shelby.
You're welcome.
He knows about my leprechaun.
Okay, everyone, I have some very exciting news.
Due to the collective spirit of this club particularly the hard ad sales work of Kurt and the generosity of the entire Hummel-Hudson household it's my pleasure to announce that we have raised the money to do West Side Story this year.
All right! Good job, everyone.
Great job.
Thank you and thank you.
Blaine, you actually had something you wanted to say, - right? - Yes, I did.
I just wanted to acknowledge that we've all had a really rough week, what with Mercedes leaving.
So I prepared a little something to show what Mr.
Shue just said that the magic is still here.
So this is to remind us of what Glee is all about, which is just fun.
There's a stranger in my bed, there's a pounding in my head Glitter all over the room, pink flamingos in the pool I smell like a minibar, DJ's passed out in the yard Barbie's on the barbeque, this a hickey or a bruise? Pictures of last night ended up online I'm screwed Oh, well It's a blacked-out blur But I'm pretty sure it ruled Damn Last Friday night Yeah, we danced on tabletops And we took too many shots Think we kissed, but I forgot Last Friday night Yeah, we maxed our credit cards And got kicked out of the bar So we hit the boulevard, last Friday night We went streaking in the park, skinny-dipping in the dark Then had a ménage à trois, last Friday night Yeah, I think we broke the law Always say we're gonna stop, whoa This Friday night Do it all again This Friday night Do it all again Do it all again TGIF, TGIF TGIF, whoo! Last Friday night Yeah, we danced on tabletops and we took too many shots Think we kissed but I forgot Last Friday night Yeah, we maxed our credit cards And got kicked out of the bar So we hit the boulevard Last Friday night We went streaking in the park Skinny-dipping in the dark Then had a ménage à  trois Last Friday night Yeah, I think we broke the law Always say we're gonna stop Whoa This Friday night Do it all again.
You guys, that song is amazing.
I think we should do it for Sectionals! So no concerns about showcasing any other voices this year at the competition? Oh, come on, Santana.
You were featured last year at Sectionals.
Yeah, I know.
And we won.
Oh! No, you know what? I get it.
Since Mercedes is gone this year, it's going to be the Blaine and Rachel show.
Yay! You all know it's true.
Noted.
Good to know.
Thank you, Santana.
Do not even think about talking for the next 30 seconds, okay? Nod so I know you understand me.
Good.
Here's the deal, Pixie-boy.
You've got a crush on my girl Brittany.
I understand.
She's beautiful, she's innocent, she's everything that's good in this miserable, stinking world do you agree? Nod.
Good.
Also, she thinks you're a spritely, green mythological creature, but I know you're a potato-eating poser, but since Brittany likes having a pet Irish, I'm not gonna explode you.
Here's what's gonna go down.
Leprechaun, starring a young Jen Aniston, is my favorite movie.
It learned me two things: leprechauns like fixing shoe buckles because they're gay.
And two: they grant wishes.
So you're gonna grant me a wish.
What are you doing? Nothing.
What are you doing? Lord Tubbington snuck out, and I found him at Arby's.
- How did you get into my room? - I blinked.
Look.
I made your wish come true.
Look.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! You did it, leprechaun! Yum.
Which means I'm just one wish away from your pot of gold.
Right? Yep.
Cheers.
Lord Tubbington's poops are crispy and delicious.
Brittany, I've got something to tell you.
- You're not the only one who knows about me.
- What do you mean? Santana found out about my secret, and she only had one wish.
Okay, what was it? She wished for you to leave the New Directions and join the all-new girls' singing group.
I don't know what to do.
I love the Glee Club, and I don't want to abandon my friends, but if you wish on a leprechaun, it has to come true.
And with just one wish, it definitely has to come true.
Why couldn't she have just wished for Lord Tubbington to quit smoking? That's it, then.
I have to leave the New Directions.
Hey, Burt? Hey, Schuester.
Hey.
Finally came in to get that muffler fixed? Uh, no.
It's kind of my signature piece.
Listen, I really want to thank you for what you did for the musical.
It's about time someone stood up to Sue.
You came all the way down here to tell me that? I got a phone, you know.
You are an impressive guy, Burt.
Sue is winning votes by feeding off all the anger and the fear - in the country right now.
- What do you want, Schuester? Someone needs to run against her.
Why don't you do it? Because I promised the kids that I would be there for them all year.
Besides, if an art teacher runs against her it looks like I'm just trying to protect my job.
We need someone who is a man of the people, a working man who voters can relate to.
When that guy says the arts are worth saving, people might listen.
That guy sounds like a good dude.
I'd vote for him.
I'm talking about you.
I'm way ahead of you.
I had Carole check out the election rules.
I'm too late to get on the ballot, but I can still run as a write-in candidate.
Yeah, some chick in Alaska won doing it last year.
Her name was way harder to spell than Hummel.
Wait, are you serious? I mean, you you really want to do this? Your Glee Club saved my kid's life.
All right? I mean, turns out art can do that, you know? And whether it's through singing or dancing or painting a freaking picture I want to be your campaign manager.
Well, Kurt already claimed the gig, but I guess he's gonna need some adult supervision, so welcome aboard.
That's right.
SHELBY Okay.
Come on, baby Shh, shh, shh, shh It's okay.
There you go.
Hold on, baby.
What is it, Puck? Um, I just wanted to come by and say thank you, for recommending me for the pool cleaning job.
I got it.
Oh.
That's great.
Not a lot of people believe in me, and Means a lot to me that you do.
Okay, not a problem.
Just it's just really bad timing right now.
Okay, baby.
You mind if I utilize your commode? My tank's on full, if you know what I mean.
Okay.
It's okay, baby.
Okay, honey.
All right.
It's okay.
I know.
I know you're tired.
I know.
I know.
You're so tired.
Okay, honey.
Okay.
Okay, okay.
No, no, no, Puck.
You know, I, just, I know you're trying to help, but I'm really overwhelmed right now, could you just just you have to go, okay? She's really into me.
Look.
You'll see.
So long I've been looking too hard I've been waiting too long Sometimes I don't know What I will find I only know it's a matter of time When you love someone Maybe I'm wrong Won't you tell me if I'm coming on too strong? This heart of mine has been hurt before This time I wanna be sure I've been waiting For a girl like you To come into my life I've been waiting For a girl like you And a love that will survive Yeah, waiting For a girl like you To come into my life It's everything I wanted.
To be a mom.
But it's just so damn hard.
Hard to do it alone.
The mess, the stickiness, the the crying books about ducks wearing yellow rubber boots it's all of it by myself, you know? But the hardest part isn't any of that stuff.
It's when the amazing things happen.
It's when Beth first stood.
I just wanted to be able to look over, and and share that moment with someone that loves her just as much as I do.
But no one's there.
Listen if you ever need any help I'm here for you.
Always.
Finn! I've got top-secret intel, and you're not gonna like it.
- Is it true? - No.
Of course not.
You're not leaving New Directions? Oh.
I thought you were talking about the Selena Gomez pregnancy rumors.
- Uh yes.
I'm quitting Glee Club.
- We need you! We're like a big family, and this is our year to win it all! That's right, Double-Stuffed- Fatty-Gassy-McGravy-Pants.
We are just one, big, happy-happy family.
Santana, stay out of this You are such a bacon-wrapped- bugeyed hypocrite.
It's freaking hilarious how jealous of Blaine you are.
Every time he opens his dreamboat acapella mouth, you're just itching to kick him right in the Warblers.
Brittany, we can't survive any more defections.
And I know you don't want to leave.
No, I know.
It's just that Santana, she made a wish on Rory my leprechaun Brittany, there's no such thing as leprechauns.
And all that stuff about Santa being real last year was cute, but this leprechaun crap? I mean, at some point you just gotta grow up and stop being such an idiot.
- What did you just call me? - Brittany, I didn't mean it like that Yeah.
All the guys in Glee Club call me that.
And you're the leader, so that makes you the worst of them all.
You cannot call your future president an idiot.
It's mean, it's bullying, and I won't accept it.
Hey, Mercedes, wait up! Whoo! Hey.
Okay.
So who else is in this girl group besides us? Okay! All finished.
You are nowhere near finished.
You made me look 26.
I asked you to make me look 22.
Uh, excuse me, sweetie.
Susan, we have a problem.
You're a candidate for office, so campaign law says we have to give your new opponent equal time.
What new opponent? Hi, folks.
My name is Burt Hummel, and I want to be your congressman.
Now, Sue Sylvester, she's gotten a lot of mileage, coming on this show and scaring you into thinking that a high school putting on a musical is the reason why your neighbor's house got foreclosed on.
Now, what she doesn't tell you is how she spends twice the entire McKinley High School Arts budget on things like leg-warmers for her Cheerios.
She wants you to think that the arts are a luxury we just can't afford, but she's got it backwards.
You know, in this economy, art, music, theatre, dance, these are things we can't afford to lose.
Now, Sue Sylvester thinks that fostering a student's creaeativy is a waste of money.
I think it's the way you invest in this country's future.
We all need to get creative.
You got an idea how we can boost jobs in this district? I want to hear it.
You send it to Hummel Tires and Lube Lima, Ohio.
And if you think I'd make a better representative for this community than Sue Sylvester, write in Burt Hummel.
Just don't let Sue shortchange our kids.
My name is Burt Hummel.
And that's how I see it.
Motta Mia.
Tomato, To-Motta.
Loco-Motta! Awesome, more back-up for me.
Oh, okay, you know what? I did not just leave one diva-driven Glee Club to join another.
So let me write you a reality check, Richie Bitch.
I've seen what you can do, and what you can do is stand in the back, sway, and sing very, very quietly.
I, um just wanted to be on the winning team for once.
Then turn down the 'tude, and you will be.
Ladies.
Welcome.
We were just brainstorming names for our new group.
Perfect.
Hot Bitches.
- Or Hot Messes.
- Free Beer.
Uh, okay, I was thinking something that more captured our essence, sums up who we want to be, who we really are.
What we are is trouble for the other groups.
The Troubletones I like it.
That's good.
I like that, too.
Tarzan and Jane were swingin' on a vine Candyman, Candyman Sippin' from a bottle of vodka double wine Sweet sugar candy man Hey, hey, yeah I met him out for dinner on a Friday night He really had me working up an appetite He had tattoos up and down his arm There's nothing more dangerous than a boy with charm He's a one-stop shop, makes the panties drop He's a sweet-talkin', sugar-coated candy man Sweet sugar candy man He's a one-stop, gotcha-hot, making all the panties drop Sweet sugar candy man He's a one-stop, got me hot, making my uhh-uhh Sweet sugar candy man He's a one-stop, get it while it's hot, baby, don't stop Sweet sugar He had those lips like sugar cane Good things come for boys who wait He's a one-stop shop, with a real big uhh He's a sweet-talkin', sugar-coated candy man Hey Candy man Candy man Hey! Candy man Candy man! Now that's what I'm talking about.
Man, this is trouble.
Big trouble.
Seriously Sectionals should just give us the trophy; you know it's ours.
Hey.
I saw you guys perform, and it was incredible.
I don't want it to be this way, but I understand.
I just want what's best for all of you.
Brit, I need to apologize.
What I said wasn't cool.
I don't want to ruin our friendship.
Any of our friendships.
I accept your apology.
Thanks.
Um I guess I'll see you guys around.
Okay.
Bye.
Bye, Finn.
Be nice.
Brittany, Brittany.
Your third wish has come true.
You wished that by quitting Glee Club, you wouldn't hurt anyone's feelings, and Finn was all happy and smiling.
So I'm ready for my pot of gold.
Okay, no, my wish didn't come true.
He wasn't smiling because he was happy.
He was heartbroken.
Leprechauns don't exist; I realize this now.
It would be really cool if they did, but they don't.
Oh, I have one final wish, Leprechaun.
Would you do this whole school a favor, and just disappear? So, anyways, I know this happened really fast, I figured you might have some questions.
I mean, I got some questions Yeah.
Um, if we win, what happens? Do we just move to Washington? Well, it'd be, you know, maybe, half and half.
But you know, Kurt's gonna be in college and you know, you're gonna be technically an adult, too.
You know, on a football scholarship or I don't know.
I'm going to need a lot of help at the tire shop.
Like running it? Only if that's something you want.
This should be good for all of us, not just for Burt and me.
But for now, we need to support your dad.
Pretty quiet over there.
I want you to do this, Dad.
But think about the stress.
You were just in the hospital, almost dead.
- And Sue's going to make your life a living hell.
- I know she will.
She's gonna have a field day with this whole having a gay son thing.
I'm proud of you, Kurt.
Don't care who knows it.
And yeah.
I almost died.
But a thing like that makes you really realize what matters.
And when things are in the dumps like this, you gotta stand up and fight.
Right? You understand.
You taught me that.
Well, I'm sorry to interrupt family time.
I just wanted to welcome you to the race.
And in celebration, I brought you a Breadsticks classic: The Gutbuster Extreme.
It's on me.
You know, I really need to thank you.
Your Burt's Corner last night was a real wake-up call.
You know, I'd lost track of why I wanted to run in the first place.
And it wasn't about the arts.
It was about my sister.
So you you're not cutting the arts program? Sweet Porcelain, so naive.
Of course I'm cutting the arts.
You know what public school program is the first to go in a recession? Special Education.
There are special needs kids at McKinley, yet there's no special ed classes, no special ed teacher.
I think that might be a better use of school funds than flying the Glee Club to New York without a set list, only to lose at Nationals with a song they made up the night before.
Have a good aneurism.
Anyone mind if I just dig in? - Say U2's over-rated.
Say it.
- Never! Hey! Leave him alone.
Or what, Pigskin? You're gonna run crying to Mr.
Shue? Oh, I'm shakin'.
No.
Not Mr.
Shue.
Coach Beiste.
Thanks, Finn Hudson.
I've got no reason to expect you to be nice to me after I ruined your Glee Club.
I get it.
You were just trying to make friends.
I know it's not easy being the new kid around school, not fitting in anywhere.
And when no one stood up for you, I should have stood up for you.
Look, I'll tell you what: I know you're not a leprechaun, so, I'll grant you a wish.
- Awful lot of empty chairs in here.
- This is a disaster.
This is not the way that senior year of Glee Club was supposed to be.
Look, guys, I know this is gonna be hard.
This isn't how I pictured starting out this year, either.
Then I guess we've got our work cut out for us.
What happens when the pope dies? Heaven, you'd think.
You get a new pope.
There's always new talent to be found.
Always a new voice, right, Mr.
Shue? Well, everybody, I'd like to introduce my friend Rory Flanagan.
He's interested in joining Glee Club.
Can this kid even sing? I sing at Mass every Sunday, and I love American music.
If you don't mind, I'd like to dedicate this song to my family, who I miss so much.
It's time for us to part Yeah, it's best for us to part Oh, but I love you Ooh I love you Take care of yourself I'll miss you And no more tears to cry I'm out of good-byes He's magical.
It's time for us to part Although it breaks my heart Oh, 'cause I love you Ooh I love you Take care of yourself Take care of yourself Take care of yourself I love you.