House Husbands (2012) Episode Scripts

N/A - Season 4, Episode 1

1 (POP MUSIC PLAYS) Sister's got a future Mama's got a heartbreak Girl, I curse the day I met you Never feeling lonely When I headed this way Move out of bed and go Where can we go away when we make up? We're gonna go wherever it may take us - Awake - (CONSOLE BLEEPS) Here we go Awake Here we go, here we go Awake Here we go (CONSOLE BLEEPS) Awake Here we go, here we go Again Face is on a poster Head is in the lampshade Ever since the day I met you (WATER SLOSHES) (KIDS CALL OUT) Awake Here we go Awake Here we go, here we go - Awake, here we go - Hi, Kate.
Awake Here we go, here we go New term.
Exciting day.
Hey, does anyone know a plumber? Hey.
Netball bibs, Mark.
Your turn to wash.
- No, I've got to work.
- It's the finals.
- We need clean bibs.
- How are the pie sales? Crap.
Have you guys heard of EG Catering? There's all these mums walking around with bags saying 'EG Catering'.
No-one's buying pies.
Ah, Kane's Pies has a little competition.
C'est la vie.
See that? See how the French is starting to roll off my tongue? - Yeah.
Virtually fluent.
- Oh, jealous, Lewis? Maybe you could afford a holiday if you didn't blow all your cash on a box with a view.
Box with a view.
(LAUGHS) Alright, have fun.
- GIRL: Daddy? - Yeah, baby? Dad, can you go through the park? Yeah.
That's a good idea.
Come on, let's go.
- See you, boys.
- So, have you asked her? - Who? - Park chick.
The one you've been banging on about for weeks.
Just ask her out.
You've been single for too long.
It's weird.
Even Kane found someone.
Alex and I have been living together for over a year now.
- Alright, see you, boys.
- Just ask her out.
Another one.
Excuse me.
Do you mind telling me what's inside that bag? Meatballs.
New canteen lady, she's a caterer.
She makes everything: lasagne, curries.
Really reasonably priced Uh Kane.
Kane! Thank you.
Uh! Did I hear a thankyou? No manners, no blueberry muffin.
Thank you.
Next.
Hi.
My name's Kane.
(HALF-LAUGHS) What can I do for you? Kane as in Kane's Pies.
You say that like it means something.
It does.
Well, it did till you turned up and started stompin' on my turf.
Sorry? So you've been hired to take over the canteen? Yeah.
By him.
P and C president guy.
Well, you know the drill.
We couldn't get a volunteer so we privatised.
She pays the P and C rent, and it's good rent.
More than what you used to make.
Plus I'm handing over a percentage of profits.
So you run the canteen.
Fine.
Well, it's nice to get your permission.
You can't run your catering business THROUGH the canteen.
He said I could.
Did you? You don't have a monopoly on catering.
That is true I've been selling pies at this school for four years.
You can't just turn up with your meatballs and Why not? You called Kane's Meatballs? No, they're called The point is, you're ruining my business.
I sold six pies this morning.
My average is 36.
I'm not interested in your statistics.
I make meals for busy parents.
- They love 'em.
- They love my pies.
Then I'm no threat to you.
He'll calm down.
Maybe don't mention I bought a lasagne.
- Henry, get down now.
- No! - Hi, Angie.
- Hi.
(SIGHS) Any ideas? If you don't get down now, I will be even crosser I think I'm gonna have to go up.
Hey, Henry, you know Angie's big brother, Jacob? He can get down from there in about 15 seconds.
- So can I! - He's nine years old.
- You're only four.
- I can! Alright.
Shall I start the timer? Alright, here we go.
Ready? Set? Go.
You're a genius.
I know we've only seen you a few times in the park but I was thinking maybe we can, um, go on a date.
Like a like a playdate, I mean, you know.
Um, for the kids.
Yeah.
Totally for the kids.
And, uh, you can come along if you want.
Or not.
But seeing these two get along so well Ow! Mama, she bit me! I am so sorry.
Angie, please, apologise now.
- I'm sorry.
- You know what, we should go.
- We should go.
- It hurts! Really? Everyone should downsize.
It's fantastic.
You know, with cafes and restaurants, I never have to cook another meal, Lewis never has to mow another lawn.
We can just pop out at any time, you know, catch a musical.
You hate musicals.
32-year-old window cleaner fell ten metres.
He's conscious, hypertensive, tachycardic.
- OK.
I'll put a line in.
- OK.
He's got good air entry.
I can't find a vein.
- Pupils are equal.
- Can I help? What's the biggest cannula you've got? Jeremy Saxon, new senior registrar.
I heard you were starting today.
I'm Gemma Crabb.
I'm the nurse unit manager.
- I heard you're a gun.
- Oh Suspected fracture, right tib and left fem, otherwise stable.
Get a scan.
I've applied for the specialist gig as well.
Sorry, what? Threw my hat in, in case they want something a bit different.
Yeah, and your background's in aid work? Before Africa, the Philippines.
Set up an inflatable operating theatre in the typhoon.
Wow, that is a tough gig.
Yeah.
But everyone I helped was so grateful.
Just seeing their smiles made it all worthwhile.
(HALF-LAUGHS) He started today, he's trying to steal my promotion and he's pretending to be lovely.
Maybe he actually is lovely.
Now you're on his side? Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm losing the plot.
I'll be normal again, as soon as we have this holiday.
Mark, tell me you've asked for time off.
- I had to call a plumber.
- (SIGHS) We haven't had a proper holiday in three and a half years.
OK.
I'll ask.
I'll ask, OK? Oh, um, some A4 folders and some red pens, please, yeah.
- What? - Urgently.
Thank you.
(CALL ENDS) Stationery.
Pfft.
Really? You had that terrified look you get when your wife's on the phone.
Rachel, have you, um, ever been to Paris? I hear it's tres belle, which is French Do some work, Mark.
I wanted Henry to be my friend.
So you bit him? Baby, that's not a good way to make friends, you know that? There are way better ways to tell someone you like them.
How? It's tough, OK? Us Baynies, we're not the biggest talkers.
You know, we think someone is amazing but we can't always find the words.
- You with me? - Can we go to netball now? Yeah.
- Oh, where's the oranges? - I've got them.
Dad's in a bad mood.
A lady at school was telling me, well And curries and lasagnes.
She's squeezing me out of the entire playground market.
- Well, I met a lovely lady at school today.
- We were actually I'm being crushed by a catering mogul, Alex.
I don't want to hear about your lovely lady.
- Hey.
How you going? - Great! - Hey.
- Hi.
I didn't expect to see you at a netball final.
Yeah, we're the cheer squad.
Yeah, everyone, this is Jess, Henry and Tash.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- How do you know Justin? - We met at the park.
MEN: Oh! - Is, uh, Jess's dad in today? - Uh, no, he's not around.
Oh, so you and Justin are both single parents.
You've got something in common.
- Well, actually, um - LEWIS: Wankers.
How many coaches do they want? Yeah, it's a little over the top.
Jess loves her netball.
Uh, my boyfriend actually volunteered to coach.
Boyfriend? - Rodney? - Oh, you know Rodney? - Hey.
- Hi.
- Justin.
- Rodney.
Uh, how do you know Justin? We met at the park.
The kids play.
You? I was his footy agent.
Yeah.
You stole his wife.
(MUTTERS) Lewis.
No, this can't be Is this Angie? - JUSTIN: Yeah, yeah.
- Hey, sweetie.
- You remember me? - Oh, she wouldn't.
She was a baby when you and Nicola were I remember driving your mum to the hospital when she was 36 weeks pregnant with you.
And she was in a real panic 'cause you came four weeks early and your daddy was nowhere to be seen.
Yeah, I had a game that day.
Look at you now.
How old are you? - Four and three quarters.
- Wow, so big! - Yeah, let's get this game going.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
(BLOWS WHISTLE) I'm the ref.
Isn't that a conflict of interest? Uh, babe, you should go be with our team's cheer squad Yeah, yeah, sure.
Come on.
Nice to meet you all.
- Who was that? He seems like a - OTHERS: Dick.
He said Angie was born early.
She wasn't.
Don't take any notice of him.
36 weeks? Nicola told me Why would she say that? He's stirring.
It's Rodney.
You don't think Nicola was lying about the? - Who knows? - What were you gonna say? Nothing.
No, it's just a fleeting thought that popped in my head, popped out again.
- There it goes.
- Yeah.
Say it.
I just thought, you know, Nicola was covering up the fact that Rodney was Angie's father.
(ONLOOKERS CALL OUT) Yeah, double step! See that? - Let it go, Lewis.
- She did step.
(CHEERING) Look, Rodney didn't start going out with Nicola until after Angie was born.
Officially.
- Were there other times? - How would I know? I was playing footy most of the day, drinking most of the night.
Well, you had your rocky patches but she chose you.
You weren't that guy anymore.
You changed.
When Nicola died, she loved you and there's no way she would've lied about Angie, or anything else.
(PEOPLE CHEER) Obstruction.
That was never three feet.
That's up to me to decide, mate.
- Did you see that? - Right, that's it.
You're out.
Here we go.
You're banned from coaching from the sidelines.
- You can't ban me.
- I'm the referee.
Code of conduct.
You're banned.
- You don't get to challenge me.
- Yeah, well, I wouldn't if you weren't cheating.
Sit over there and shut up.
(SCOFFS) Well, who's gonna coach 'em now? - He's been giving them tips all game.
- Absolutely.
And they got two extra coaches.
I'd offer to coach but I don't really feel like doing you any favours right now.
And you pick now to be petty? I don't even know the rules.
Yeah, don't look at me.
I played hockey.
I avoided team sports.
What about Alex? Alex is the school librarian.
You can be bookish and sporty.
Oh but I'm only bookish.
We've got a major plumbing problem.
They are sending a camera down to look through our sewerage pipes.
Great.
I'll coach the girls.
OK, Tigers, this is your game.
Let's go.
Dinner tomorrow night is at Chung's Palace and it will be a victory dinner because we are smashing these guys! ALL: Yeah! Alright, don't worry about them.
We've got a game to win.
Now, listen up, forget about everything that Lewis has told you.
Right? Focus on one thing.
No regrets.
If you leave here thinkin', "Hey, I could've tried harder, run faster," then you'll be letting yourselves and your team-mates down.
Each and every single one of you has a direct opponent.
Get in their face.
I mean, Pops, get in their face, Pops.
They're all taller than us.
And slower to move around the court.
Use it to your advantage.
They think you're going one way, go the other.
If they're keeping pace, what do you do? Sprint, right? Make space, get the pass.
- And never give up.
- Great.
- You gonna win this? - GIRLS: (TENTATIVELY) Yes.
- I can't hear you, Tigers.
- Yes! Now we're talkin'.
Put your hands in here.
- One, two, three.
- (ALL CALL OUT) Let's go! - (WHISTLE BLOWS) - Yes! Quick.
Hold it steady.
Oh, yeah! Yes! Yes! (BLOWS WHISTLE) Go, go, go, go.
Get it in! Get it in! (WHISTLE BLOWS) Don't give 'em any space.
Come on, Tiges! (CHEERING) Hustle! Hustle! Come on, Tigers! Go, Tiges! What you waiting for? Now, what you waiting for? What you waiting for? Now, what you waiting for? - (BUZZ!) - (CHEERING) (BLOWS WHISTLE) Yes! Hey, baby.
What you waiting for? Now, what you waiting for? What you waiting for? Now, what you waiting for? Hey, great game.
You gonna join us for a beer? Well, all three kids asleep.
Bit more obedient than mine.
What, have you lost something, mate? Birth records.
Angela Baynie.
Born 40 weeks, three days.
She came late, not early.
Rodney's just spinning a story.
He said Angie came early to make you look bad in front of Tash.
He said 36 weeks.
You don't make detail like that up.
- You're jumping to conclusions.
- Yeah? It's the first thing Mark thought of.
Mark spends his life thinking inane thoughts.
Doesn't mean we take any notice.
Besides, Angie looks nothing like Rodney.
- She looks - Exactly like Nicola.
Yep.
Rodney would've said something.
What if Rodney doesn't know? What if Nicola never told him? Even more reason to leave it alone.
Look, it's late.
Maybe you guys should get home to your families.
Oh, hey.
How was Justin? Obsessing.
Yeah, well, he needs a distraction.
What's he doing for work? He's bartending.
See, everybody got something out of the sale of that pub.
Except for him, you know.
We got this place, Mark's off to Paris Well, Justin was the smart one.
He put his money away.
Yeah, but you can't go from owning a pub to pulling beers.
He needs something else in his life.
We have to get rid of a lot of this stuff.
- No! - Oi! Back to bed! Look, and you need to get a smaller barbecue.
That's an eight-burner.
No way.
Hey, no balls in the apartment, please.
Why did we have to move? Well, after Ryan and Phoebe went off to Tassie, Mum thought it'd be a great idea if we moved to the city Mum thought? Yeah, we both thought it would be a great idea to move to the city.
Anyway, the point is, we're gonna have a lot of fun.
We are.
Lots of fun! - What the - Eh! We've got an action plan to beat off your catering shark.
OK.
She's got variety, right? Risottos, curries, the works.
But she's not the only one that can innovate.
- It's time you branch out.
- Yes, it is.
Taste this.
Barbecued duck in a pie.
- We've tried a few others.
- Moroccan carrot.
- Mm-hm.
- We burnt the carrots.
You're the pie man.
You're not gonna be intimidated by some blow-in with a few boring lasagnes, are you? - Dad? - Shh.
Go back to sleep.
I said sorry to Henry.
Good work.
I'm never, ever going to bite Henry again.
That's a good decision, baby.
Night, Daddy.
Night, honey.
Look who I found in Poppy's bedroom.
I told her no guinea pigs in the bedroom.
How can a blocked loo cost this much money? No, the loo's It's not blocked.
The sewerage is coming back up the loo because the pipes are rooted.
Well, literally, there's trees growing through the pipes because there's so much We need new pipes.
- This bill is like - Two airfares to Paris? - You know, Europe is overrated.
- (SCOFFS) All we need is some time out.
I bet if we took a couple of weeks off, went to the country, we'd have a way more relaxing time than Paris.
- What's the deal with Paris anyway? - The Eiffel Tower? La Tour Eiffel? Queues for the Eiffel Tower, that's what I'm seeing.
Are you saying that it'd be more fun in the bush than Paris? With you and the munchkins What about all the French I've learned? Oh, you can still practice on me.
Everyone speaks French in Paris, but here, it's exotic.
I don't care that no-one likes you at work.
I like you.
I never said no-one likes me.
I I just thought that because everyone said the new doctor's lovely, that they thought maybe, you know, that you were What? Well forthright.
You know, which, I mean, I like, you know, personally, I like but Can we go back to the kissing part kissing bit - No.
- (PHONE RINGS) Lewis, it is 6:00 in Kane and I don't just just come over because you click your fingers.
- You think this is a good idea? - Yes.
It's exactly what he needs right now.
Yeah, you would say that.
It's your idea.
Enough with the grumpy.
Eve runs a good canteen.
It benefits the school.
I got to keep her happy.
Yeah, well, you only bought one lasagne.
You bought a lasagne? I've got a freezer full of your pies! You won't be getting any free samples of my new stuff.
- Hey! - Morning! Have we got something to show you! Welcome to your office.
You've always wanted to work outdoors.
Mate here's a personal trainer.
Yeah, I've looked into that.
There's way too many around here already.
Exactly.
That's why we're thinking fitness for kids.
You were awesome at netball yesterday.
Yeah.
Poppy caught the ball more than once.
You could teach all ages, tots to teens.
General fitness, team sports, individual training for athletics carnivals.
Do you know how many Tiger mums will pay big bucks - Justin Baynie.
- Why wouldn't ya? Retired footy legend.
We're thinking JB's PBs.
- Get it? - No.
Justin Baynie's Personal Bests.
I came up with it.
Yeah, we can do better.
Yeah, good luck.
You could put the pub money into it.
I could kick in some capital.
You know, we could go halves on the business.
- Yeah, maybe.
- Great.
Well, um, we knocked up some 'broch-URES'.
'BROCH-ures'.
Kane They're a bit rough.
Show him the BROCH-ures.
Put on a free trial this afternoon.
Hand out these brochures, get some interest.
Can you do that? What, hand 'em out? - Yeah.
You said you'd help me out.
- Yeah, but Yeah, 'cause I've got to go.
You can drop your boys at school, can't you? - Come on, Ange.
- Yeah Thanks, mate.
Right.
Well, that went well.
Mark thinks I'm scary.
I'm not scary.
Well, I have seen you make interns cry.
Only the incompetent ones.
Yeah, and you fight with management.
Because they have no idea how to run a hospital.
Yeah, well, they're also in charge of your promotion.
Have a look at who's putting in the hard yards.
That'd be right.
When was the last time you even talked to Belinda? I try to avoid her.
Well, she's the director of medical services.
- You need to charm her.
- I don't do charming.
I've seen you do charming.
- Was I drunk? - Possibly.
I'm just not the touchy-feely type.
Well, fake it.
Fake touchy-feely? (BELINDA LAUGHS) You wouldn't be the first.
Hey, come on.
Justin.
Hi! I need a favour.
Sure.
I don't want anyone else to know, especially Lewis.
I want a paternity test.
- Free trial.
- Free trial this arvo.
Come and give it a go.
Something in it for everyone.
- Here we go.
- Kids' fitness.
Free trial this arvo.
Man, this is crap.
Where's Justin? He's supposed to be my business partner.
No, it's getting a good response.
I think you're gonna get pretty good numbers.
Hey, Kane, maybe you could bring the van down, try flogging some of those new pies.
Kids' fitness? EG Catering? Again? Really? The meatballs are amazing.
Did you find Eve yesterday? She's just over there if you wanna grab a meal.
- Shepherd's pie today.
- Shepherd's what? Hang on.
Aren't you the guy who used to do pies? - I didn't used to.
- Oh - Uh, kids' personal fitness.
- There we go.
Free trial today.
Yeah, um, come along.
Have a good one.
Shepherd's pie? Um You're doing shepherd's pie now? - I need to be somewhere.
- I'm the pie guy.
- Kane's Pies? - Do you ever stop saying that? You can't sell shepherd's pie.
I mean, is shepherd's pie really a pie? If you think about it What is it, potato - I know what's in a shepherd's pie.
- You people are weird.
I gotta go.
You're not going anywhere.
I am, actually.
I'm ovulating and I'm in a hurry.
(DING!) Mark, it's your day off.
Oh, I thought I'd do a couple of hours, get up to date.
You want some time off and you're trying to butter me up.
Hmm? Yes.
Paris? Uh, Wangaratta, actually.
We've, uh, had some sewerage related budgetary problems.
But apparently there are some beautiful bushwalks in Wangaratta.
And we really really need a break.
Oh, I might be able to make that happen, actually.
- Really? - Mmm.
I'm in a bit of a bind this evening, said I'd go to the Marketing Institute conference and I've got the auction for a house I really want to buy.
I would love to cover the conference.
I could so some networking Oh That's not gonna happen.
Right.
You can go to the auction for me.
Bid on the house.
I find auctions a bit nerve-racking.
Hmm.
So do I.
Which is why I'm asking you to step up.
I don't recall bidding at auctions being part of my job description.
Do you want this holiday or not? Hey, Jasper, how you feeling? - Oh, oh, into the container.
- (VOMITS) It's OK.
You were close.
Can you get some saline, plus 2.
5% dextrose and check his EC? Where have you been? Oh, I was just checking on some test results.
- What results? - You smell of vomit.
- Abigail, Gemma, how are we? - Actually, not great.
I have an elderly patient with heart failure who's been lying on that trolley for three hours, waiting for a bed.
Calm down.
We're all on the same side, remember? Yeah, I'm not really feeling that.
You see, I'm running around an under-resourced emergency floor, covered in vomit, while you're out lunching with management, - doing nothing about it.
- Belinda, hi.
Busy day? Abigail was just complaining.
- I wasn't - Best to be busy, I always think.
Well, that's the spirit.
Isn't it? They are lovely earrings, Belinda.
And the window cleaner who came in yesterday, he's doing really well.
A bit of physio and he'll be walking again.
(LAUGHS) Dr Saxon was a great help with his giant cannula.
Yeah, what an what an asset he'll be to the team.
(HALF-LAUGHS) Gemma, I've got those test results for your friend.
- Thank you.
- What friend? Oh, it's nothing.
MAN: Under and over.
Away you go, Tia.
Big run.
Fantastic.
JUSTIN: Come on, Jessie.
Nice work.
Go! That's a girl.
- Three, four, five - Good work.
- Nice.
- I'm gonna beat you down there.
I mean it.
Go! - Go! Go! Go! Go! - Well done.
- Nice one, Poppy! - That's the way.
- (BLOWS WHISTLE) - Oh, yes, thank you very much.
The kids loved it.
Thank you.
- Yeah, they're good kids.
- Hey, you got one of Kane's Pies.
- Yeah.
- How good's this? Kids get a run around and you don't have to cook.
- I know.
Thanks, guys.
- A pleasure.
- See you.
- Look at this.
Just about all of them signed up for more.
- Nice.
- Great result.
Done well.
Hey, Justin, do you mind if we have a quick word? You don't have to open it.
Not ever.
What was that about? It's not for me to tell you, darl.
Just be there for him.
Well, that's a bit hard if he won't tell me anything.
Well, I don't know.
Maybe you can strike up a chat with him.
I'll look after the kids if that helps.
Not that I'll fit them in our shoebox.
It's not a shoebox.
(SIGHS) Look, I know you're not great at admitting that you've made a mistake, but can we just say it, please? What? That we hate musicals.
We're too old to be in inner-city cafes drinking chai lattes out of jam jars, that we've made a terrible mistake buying this apartment.
I like jam jars.
And I like our apartment.
OK.
Justin, wanna have a chat about the business plan? Hey, I'm home! The guys are here.
We're just gonna have a bit of a chat about - Alex is in the bathroom.
- You're in my living room.
This is your living room? You're with Alex? I thought you were taking Stella to karate.
Gemma's taking her.
- This is Eve.
- BOTH: We've met.
I didn't know you two had met.
We haven't met.
I'm Justin.
- LEWIS: Eve runs the school canteen.
- Ah.
Yeah, I I'd better go.
If I could Right, yeah, I'll get a bag for your stuff.
Uh, what is going on? I She Um It's complicated.
You've got a thing with EG Catering? No.
You're EG Catering? - She didn't tell you that? - No.
We met in the playground yesterday.
It didn't come up.
I'm borrowing his sperm.
What? - We should leave.
- Yep.
No-one is going anywhere.
Eve said she wanted to have a baby.
I said I'd help her out.
Is that what you were doing in there? Needs to be fresh, apparently.
Yeah, well, we really should be going.
No! What the hell?! I had no idea she was the catering mogul.
- You should've told me that.
- Catering what? You should've told me about this! I tried! Remember I said I met a lovely lady? You said you didn't want to talk about it.
I thought you meant "I met a lovely lady" and she recommended a nice book," not "I met a lovely lady and after a quick chat, we decided to procreate.
" It's not like that.
There are no strings attached.
If this works out, I'm bringing up the baby on my own.
You never have to speak to me again.
But I really need to get it in now.
It's all in the timing.
- No.
- What do you mean "No"? - No, you can't have it.
- It's not yours to give.
It's more mine than it is yours.
Look, can I just get the stuff and go? Every second, hundreds of those little guys die.
You have no right to talk about his little guys! - Right, that's it, we're out of here.
- (SHOUTS) No-one is going any Mate, are you OK? I'm not the dad.
I'm not Angie's father.
MARK: Just because you're not the dad, it doesn't mean Rodney is.
I mean, who's to say Nicola didn't have lots of other No, I mean I didn't mean LEWIS: Just put the results away.
Do nothing.
No-one need ever know.
Justin? Anyone want another drink, huh? Or not? Uh, no, thanks, Alex.
Eve's left.
I told her she couldn't have my swimmers.
Right, well, I'd better get to this auction because if I don't get this house, Rachel will kill me.
And if I pay too much, she'll kill me.
- So - Yeah, well, you can give me a lift.
Justin, you'll come, won't you? We'll get the kids from my place? I'll have another beer, thank you, Alex.
Yeah, coming now.
Well, we'll keep going, then.
(LOW-LEVEL CONVERSATION) There's a few people about.
Competition.
That's not good.
I hate auctions.
Do you think they're all gonna bid? 800 square metres, level block, four bedrooms.
They get a building report or a pest inspection? Nup.
What do I care? What do you care? Why do you care? That little weasel.
What, Mark? - No, new Dr Weasel - Oh, Saxon? has filed a sexual harassment claim against me.
(SIGHS) - Are you laughing? - No.
This is serious.
I have an incident review with HR in the morning to explain an inappropriate hand gesture.
Well, it was pretty weird, even for you.
You were talking about his giant cannula.
I was being charming.
You were the one who told me to fake touchy-feely.
Yeah, touchy-feely, OK, not touchy-feeling-him-uppy.
You want something to eat? I can make pasta.
Nicola knew I wasn't her father.
She must've.
Maybe she suspected.
Maybe she never found out.
The important thing is that she wanted you to be.
Is it? What do I do now I know it's probably Rodney? - Nothing.
- Nothing? What if I need to know? What if Rodney knows? Even if he does, he's clearly not gonna do anything about it.
He's got his own family now, Tash and the kids and I'm really sorry that didn't work out.
She She seemed really nice.
You've just got horrible luck with women.
Water? Sure.
ALEX: How is he? Not great.
Apart from everything else, there's the fact that Nicola lied to him.
I didn't know Eve was your catering competition.
She was just a nice lady at canteen that really wanted to have a baby.
How could you agree to something like that without running it by me? I didn't agree.
She decided.
You were in the bathroom agreeing when I came home.
We were talking in the playground yesterday about how much she would love to have a family.
I casually remarked that I might be able to help.
She seemed really sad.
Then suddenly she's on the doorstep talking about ovulation and optimal body temperature and handing me a specimen jar.
Which is the perfect time for you to say, "Eve, this is a big deal.
" I have my own family.
"Maybe your optimal body temperature might just have to wait.
" You've met her.
She's very forceful.
You were making a human being, Alex.
You weren't being forced to give her a lift to the shops.
I mean, what if she'd become pregnant? And then there's your baby, hanging out in the playground.
We let babies hang around on their own You know what I mean.
It It wouldn't have been mine.
Eve didn't want me to have anything to do with it.
It's half you! You were going to make a person with someone.
I wanted to make a person with you! I I don't That just came out.
You've already adopted kids.
It it never occurred to me that you No, obviously not.
Now I can't trust you, so it doesn't really matter anyway.
Kane! Where's Justin? - You bought my house.
- It's not your house.
No, it's my boss's house, which is worse.
Well, it was an auction.
It went beyond her limit.
That's because you bid above the limit! What is she gonna say to me? She will kill me! You don't have to tell her a friend bought it.
Just say some random person outbid her.
Nup, you're right, I won't.
I'm not gonna tell her a friend bought it because you are not a friend.
Yeah, listen, um, maybe don't mention to Gemma I bought a house.
I got to figure out a good way to break it to her.
- The kids are still here.
Why? - (DOOR CLOSES) It's Kane, wanting to know if Justin's picked up the kids.
- Can I talk? - Mmm.
What have you done? You're supposed to be looking after him.
I was distracted.
My boyfriend nearly inseminated my catering nemesis.
Have you been to his place? Justin's? Yeah, I'm here now and he's not.
He wouldn't do anything stupid, would he? Alright.
Welcome, everyone, to the Dolphins' netball dinner.
We're the runners-up this year but that does mean that there isn't a lot to celebrate.
Let's just get to the trophies.
- Jessica Silver.
Great season, Jess.
- (APPLAUSE) Oh, uh, excuse me.
- What are you doin'? - Just ordering some takeaway.
We're having a netball dinner.
- Yeah.
Second place.
Solid effort.
- You're not invited.
Hey, I'm not crashing your party, mate.
I'm just waiting for my chicken chow mein.
We've got a championship dinner coming up.
Good to see you, Rodney.
Yeah, it reminds me of the good old times when you were screwin' my wife.
Don't speak to me like that around Natasha and her daughter.
You're right.
Out of line.
Speaking of, I haven't been really clear on the whole timing with Nicola.
When exactly in my marriage did you start screwing her? GIRL: Rodney, can we order more drinks? Yes.
Sure, sweetie.
I'll come over.
I'm finished here anyway.
Let's go.
- Justin? - Hey.
I just wanted to say sorry.
Why are you sorry? I had no idea that Rodney and your wife Oh, no, that's that's completely not your fault.
And I didn't mean to give you the wrong idea about me.
Rodney and I haven't known each other long.
I'm from Perth.
We met online and I just moved here recently to see if we can make it work.
The kid's dad left when Henry was a baby so I'm not really used to being with someone Hey, Tash, you don't have to explain anything to me.
No, I do.
You're the only friend I've made since I got to Melbourne.
All those snooty mums at the park looking down their noses at me 'cause I had kids young.
- They call me the babysitter and - Get away from her.
Rodney? Is this some kind of sick revenge? I don't know what you're talking about, mate.
- You're flirting with my girlfriend.
- No, no, no, he's not.
Leave.
Now.
Hey, I don't know why you're so paranoid, mate.
You're the lunch-cutter, remember? No, at half-time I'm sure Rodney said they'd go to Chinese.
This is it.
Chung's Palace.
He's probably not even here.
There's his car.
Why would he do this? - 'Cause he's a bloody idiot.
- Oh, you always think the worst.
He's probably in there having a nice, friendly chat.
Whoa! - (CRASH!) - (DINERS GASP) Did you just throw a duck at me? There is nothing going on.
Justin and I are friends.
That's it.
You chuck that and you're gonna cop this.
We are having an under 10s netball dinner Justin, I don't know what the problem is here but - I'm sure we can sort it out.
- Mate, come on.
Please.
Put the lobster down.
Think of Angie.
This isn't the way to sort this out.
RODNEY: Sort what? What's this got to do with Angie? BOTH: Nothing.
It's just, uh, Angie really, um really likes takeaway.
KANE: Oh, yeah, Angie just loves her Chinese takeaway, doesn't she? Justin, did you get Angie's takeaway? MAN: Mr Baynie, your order.
Thanks, Mr Chung.
(DOOR OPENS) - KANE: I think we got away with it.
- MARK: Oh, totally.
Lewis only mentioned Angie once.
It's not like he said Rodney might be the dad.
- But we recovered well.
- Oh, very.
Very.
You came here to confront Rodney He was gonna find out.
Yeah, I was checking if he could be Angie's father.
I would've never told him.
- (PHONE RINGS) - Justin? Your takeaway.
Do we go after him? - (PHONE RINGS) - I would give him one day.
Rachel.
Hi.
You got my message.
Yeah, I'm Yeah, I'm sorry I couldn't get the house.
I know you loved it.
Oh, you know, maybe you'll find another dream house.
Maybe you just haven't dreamt it yet.
Oh, I'm I'm sorry that I'm in all of your nightmares right now.
Um OK, bye.
SONG: Talking like we used to do It was always me and you Shaping up and shipping out Check me in and check me out Do you like walking in the rain? When you think of love, do you think of pain? You can tell me what you see I will choose what I believe Hold on, darling This body is yours This body is yours and mine Well, hold on, my darling This mess was yours Now your mess is mine Your mess is mine This body's yours and this body's mine Your mess is mine Your mess is mine.
Why would Justin confront Rodney? He wanted to find out if he knew.
I'd be the same.
It's a bit risky, isn't it? Well, he was handling it.
I nearly stuffed it.
I could've ruined everything.
You don't know that.
I'm sure it's fine.
Not a bad view, eh? I'm kind of getting used to it.
I bought a house.
You what? It's a huge block.
Near the school.
The children will love the garden.
Upstairs needs a bit of work but Hang on.
So you just you went out without telling me, like, without any consultation and just unilaterally bought a whole house, is that right? Well, that's one way of putting it, yeah.
So you just make a mistake and then back it up with another mistake? I try to be consistent.
Really? Well, I better like this place.
Oh, trust me, you will.
(KNOCKING) CHILD: Daddy! - Daddy! - Yeah Hey, yeah? Hey, kids, how many times have I told you not to open the door without me? It's a parcel.
You have to sign.
OK.
Here you go.
- It's for me.
- No, it's not.
- It's for Angie.
See? - Cheers, mate.
Have a good day.
"For Angie.
With my love, Rodney.
" It's from Rodney.
That's not fair.
It's not even her birthday.
- It's a silver bracelet.
- That's dumb.
Can I wear it? No.
No, baby.
No, I'll put it away for you, OK? Until you're older.
Yeah? - You slept in the - In the pie van.
How was that? Not very comfortable.
I understand why you're angry.
But you can trust me.
It was stupid and crazy, what I did for Eve yesterday.
I guess I thought we were so lucky having Stella and Finn.
Eve seems so alone.
A little nuts, but really alone.
It didn't seem like making a baby because I'd switched that part of me off.
The minute you said to me yesterday, "Let's have our own baby," it felt so right.
You want to have more kids? I really want to have more kids.
Found him in Poppy's room, again.
Oh OK, how do I look? Well, what are you going for? Non-predatory, like I don't sexually harass people.
We should probably talk about that.
I've told you, Saxon wants my promotion and this is his way of destroying me.
- The part where you felt him up.
- Gemma's words.
- Well, what did you do exactly? - Mark! You're my wife.
I think I've got a right to know.
You're just jealous because you want to be sexually harassed.
- Maybe.
- (GASPS) - No! - Oh! Is he Is he OK? - Happy! - He's OK.
He's He's got a pulse.
He's not moving! What happened, Mum? What have you done to Happy? Let's go.
Hey, Ange, do you have two left shoes on? It doesn't matter.
Let's go.
Come on, we're running late.
Come on.
Hi.
- Go play for a minute.
- But we're already late.
Yeah, just for a minute, OK? Hi.
Sorry, I just popped by to see if you're OK.
Yeah.
I'm I'm so sorry about how Rodney behaved.
I haven't seen him like that.
What has he told you? Nothing.
He's been out all night.
What's going on? I need you to do something for me.
Yeah.
Of course.
I need you to just stay away from me.
Right.
Well, Henry will miss Angie.
They're good friends.
Yeah.
Yeah, he'll, uh he'll find other friends.
Hey, I hope you're happy, you and the kids.
Well, the good news is there's no injury from the fall.
MARK: Oh, that is good.
- Happy's gonna be fine.
- OK.
They did a scan and Happy has a tumour on her lung.
Oh.
What? Oh, nothing, darling.
You have a good day at school.
OK, off you go.
Bye.
Have fun.
Bye-bye.
- Bye, Dad! - Bye! OK, well, I'll tell her this afternoon after school.
Look, the tumour's only small.
They think a few rounds of chemo will knock it on the head.
Can you imagine giving chemo to a guinea pig? (SCOFFS) Abi, we are not giving chemotherapy to a guinea pig.
It's not as expensive as you might think.
- How much? - No more than sewerage pipes.
- I had to pay up-front.
- What?! It's Happy! I couldn't say no! You say no to me all the time! Look, why don't we cancel Wangaratta, have a nice little holiday mooching about the house.
That'd save us something.
As long as we have some time out, that's all that matters.
- I've got to go.
- (SIGHS) Are you alright? Happy's having chemo.
Hi.
Kane, I've taken shepherd's pie off the menu.
I I realise that you were here first and it stomps on your turf.
- That's nice, isn't it, Kane? - Mmm.
Hey, we should all go for a drink and clear the air after everything Sure.
Yeah, sounds good.
- Let me know.
- Yeah.
A drink? Seriously? That was a nice gesture with the pie.
Plus, I think you'd actually like her if you got to know her.
She's gay, like you.
Yeah, and insane.
Like you.
Give her a go.
Oh, no.
No way.
If you're thinking what I think you're thinking, the answer is absolutely not.
What's he thinking? - We wanna have kids.
- You what? Oh.
Aren't you missing something? Yeah, Eve wants to have kids too, which is why I think it might be worth at least - I don't like her.
- You don't know her.
Hey, uh, Justin? We all set for toddlers' fitness? Oh, there's only a few of them.
I'll manage.
- Well, I'll give you a hand.
- I'll manage.
Come on.
- (KIDS LAUGH) - Oh! - Oh! - (KIDS LAUGH) Oh! You're all too good for me.
(BLOWS WHISTLE) Alright.
That's it for today.
Go find your mums and dads and we'll see you next week.
Justin.
- Rodney! - Hey, darlin'.
Did you get my prezzie? Angie, go pick up all the cones for me.
Can you do that, please? Don't send my daughter gifts.
Oh, but that's just it, isn't it? She isn't your daughter.
I always suspected it, the more Nicola denied it.
So I picked up a flyer from the cafe this morning.
It's a good little business you got going here.
Business conditions for me are pretty tough at the moment.
Yeah, well, that's too bad.
Heard you sold the pub.
Couple of grand here and there and I'll be out of your hair.
When I put my hand on Dr Saxon's arm It was the chest, then the arm.
the chest and arm In a long, lingering brushing motion.
- I don't remember the lingering bit.
- I do.
Look, I didn't mean for it to be construed in a sexual way.
I was trying to be touchy-feely.
I have no idea what that means.
I was being fake nice.
I'm sorry? Nothing.
Look, I don't want to turn this into a big deal.
Political correctness has got way out of hand.
I just started here and I thought it was the professional thing to call it in case anyone got the wrong idea.
I can see Abigail is genuinely apologetic.
I don't think we need to pursue this any further.
Are you sure? Yeah.
We need more doctors like you.
I hear you've applied for the specialist position.
Rachel.
Bought you a coffee.
I can't give you the time off you asked for.
I need you here.
All that talk of Paris made me think perhaps I need a holiday.
Turns out I have some spare cash since you lost my house.
It's not my fault.
When Lewis wants something, he's Who's Lewis? He came with me.
I didn't know I didn't know he was looking for a house.
You showed my house to the guy who bought it? You know him? No.
Oh, vaguely.
I mean, he's a friend of a Ex friend.
You work part-time, Mark.
It will be a year before you accrue enough leave to take a holiday.
A year will go much faster than you think.
Yeah.
By then you might've saved enough cash to leave the house.
Shut up, Lewis.
- Hey - I'm busy.
Yeah, that's alright.
We're not stayin'.
Yellow Tiger mascot for Nepean South netball Token of our appreciation.
The kids wanted you to have it.
Wow.
Rodney's agency's going downhill.
He needs cash.
He said if I pay up he'll stay away from Angie.
- So he knows.
- That's blackmail.
Yeah, you're not gonna buy into it.
Dunno how much choice I've got thanks to you.
Anyone, uh anyone for cricket? Or not? If you give Rodney money, you're a bloody idiot.
(DOORBELL RINGS) Whose is that? It belongs to my daughter.
Ah, well, she mustn't be coming.
Let's go.
She's probably a little late.
Exactly.
Let's just forget about the whole thing Eve! You made it.
- MAN: What are you drinking? - Mineral water, thanks.
- How was canteen today? - It was good.
What's your biggest seller? OK, I can't do this.
You guys are trying to be nice and I took it.
- Sorry? - Took what? Alex, what did you do with the jar? I put it in the bag and I tossed it in the Mmm.
You were distracted by your friend.
- You stole it? - You stole our sperm? He promised.
- Then I unpromised! - What have you done with his I won't know if I'm pregnant for a while.
You don't understand.
I have had the worst luck.
I've waited years for this.
You don't have to have anything to do with it.
- If it works, kid won't ever know.
- What about us? OK.
You got some processing to do.
Thanks for the water.
You you can't just let her go.
She's a thief.
What do you want me to do? Steal it back? We tell no-one about this.
Hmm? She won't get pregnant.
It'll be like it never happened.
Like it never happened.
So, what do you reckon? I love it.
Really? Really.
Oh.
Do we know her? Hey.
(LAUGHS) - We're the new owners.
- Hmm.
- Lewis, is it? - Yeah.
Mark told me you're the one.
Oh, you know Mark? I'm his boss.
- Right.
- Hmm.
I live, uh, next door.
- Oh, he didn't mention that.
- No, I didn't tell him.
I'm Gemma.
I'm Lewis's wife.
It is a beautiful street.
I waited 15 years for the old woman who lived here to die so I could buy this place.
Right.
Now I have to wait for you two.
- Hey, that's our bin.
- This was my house.
That didn't stop you taking it.
Wow.
Are all the neighbours that friendly? MARK: Hello.
Bienvenue a cafe Mark Oliver.
As we cannot go to Paree, je regrette rien, un petit part of Paris ici.
Le plat du jour est pommes frites.
Tres bon.
Tres bon.
Voila! (LAUGHS) You're so lucky you're too young to get embarrassed.
(KNOCK AT DOOR) Oh, pardon.
What's with the outfit? Oh, it's, um It's French.
Right.
It's a mistake.
Right.
Hey, uh, still up for a game? Yeah, come through.
Poppy's out the back.
Go through, kids.
Inside my heart there's an emptiness A heavy head on a hollowed chest Soft spoken like a disease Is the way to incomplete me Can you shake this soul of mine? Shoot my breath to the highest high Tell your truth or dress a lie Is this hello or is The high-igh-igh-igh? High-igh-igh-igh, high-igh-igh-igh Just let it go, enjoy the ri-i-i-ide Without the low there ain't a high-igh-igh-igh High-igh-igh-igh-igh I found a ghost in the city lights Where all my wrongs had turned to right Heart broken into pieces It ain't a way that we should live Every day is a compromise If this is low, I'm looking for high-igh-igh-igh-igh High-igh-igh-igh-igh (MELODIC WHISTLING)