iZombie (2015) s03e08 Episode Script
Eat a Kinevel
1 LIV: Previously on iZombie MAJOR: He just asked my permission to court you.
I know one foolproof test to tell if they're zombies.
Check their heart rate.
Me and my fellow travelers.
We are well-armed, and we're taking the war to them.
What's your business here? Blood pressure cuff.
You ran over that fella! - Go, go! - I'm going! Faster! [GROWLS.]
- [LAUGHS.]
- Yes! As of today, all your clients belong to us.
Your dad wanted me to deliver a message.
Ow! [NEWS INTRO PLAYING ON TV.]
MAN: [ON TV.]
The latest poll numbers in Seattle's mayoral race show District Attorney Floyd Baracus trailing by 10 points - [GUN CLICKS.]
- [GASPS.]
What What happened to you? Two requests.
Say yes to both or I blow your brains out.
First, you're gonna show me where your new brain suppliers are headquartered.
[STAMMERING.]
I can do that.
What else? [GROWLING.]
[CAR TIRES SCREECHING.]
[YELLING ON TV.]
Our zombie truther friend, Harley Johns, posted that footage on YouTube last night.
How many views? Almost 1,000.
There's no way we could've avoided this little anti-zombie recruitment video? We had the drop on them.
- But then they ran over Justin, and - And you let them get away.
It's my fault.
I shouldn't have let myself get run over.
They protected Baracus from harm.
That was their assignment.
The enemy gained intel.
They've released documented proof of the existence of zombies.
It's only proof if people believe it.
So far, the comments seem to suggest they don't.
It certainly looks like these guys are responsible for the Tuttle-Reid murders.
Harley Johns and his three brothers are still our prime suspects, but we don't have enough solid evidence yet.
Plus, a few hundred people posted on their anti-zombie message board.
Any of them could have killed Wally's family.
I propose we handle this in-house.
Down, boy.
Bright side, our mayoral candidate is still among the nearly living.
And I've got a good feeling about Clive and Liv.
That they're gonna catch the bad guy or bad guys, and we will all be able to sleep soundly.
That's it.
Meeting adjourned.
You, stay put.
Major Lilywhite! Talk about a big-league debut! Pinned down in Qumar.
Your lieutenant dead.
And you clear a rooftop of enemy snipers? Your rookie card is gonna be a collector's item! And all those heroics while taking multiple stab wounds to the stomach.
You know what that shows me? That there's no such thing as abs of steel? Look at you.
Joking around.
No PTSD.
What it shows me is you're the same Major who went to Qumar.
You are, aren't you? The same Major? Actually, I came back more committed than ever.
I love it! I want to shake your hand, soldier.
I hope this isn't too personal, but Is that a human pulse I'm feeling or are you just happy to see me? What? I don't Vivian, your chopper is ready.
Thank you.
The problem is, when you do so well in Qumar and you fail back home, people notice.
I was out there during the debriefing wondering how did our new star soldier let that zombie-murdering hick escape.
Everything was happening so fast.
Not too fast for a zombie.
How is it that you are no longer one? Major Tell me.
DRILL SERGEANT: You can't kill me, I can't die.
SOLDIERS: You can't kill me, I can't die.
DRILL SERGEANT: Unless you shoot me in the eye.
SOLDIERS: Unless you shoot me in the eye.
DRILL SERGEANT: Sound off.
SOLDIERS: One, two.
DRILL SERGEANT: Sound off.
SOLDIERS: Three, four.
So, did she promote you? Do we get to start calling you Major Major? She knows I'm human.
She's taking me off active duty.
Maybe I can talk to her.
It'll have to wait.
She and Fortesan are heading out to Zombie Island.
[HELICOPTER WHIRRING.]
She wants to talk to Ravi about how I was cured when she gets back.
Ravi isn't going to [EXPLOSION.]
[PEOPLE SCREAMING.]
Oh, my God.
[THEME SONG PLAYING.]
JOHNNY: The Federal Aviation Administration has declared that the crash was caused by mechanical failure Mechanical failure, my ass.
This is another attack on zombies.
We don't know that yet.
Clive, Harley and his people are targeting zombies.
These murders are all connected.
Don't you think it seems a bit advanced for Harley Johns and his band of zombie truthers? If they know that Fillmore-Graves is a zombie organization, they're not bragging about it.
No mentions of the crash on the message boards.
Any idea who's going to be in charge of the world's only zombie military force now? Uh, the scuttlebutt is Vivian's brother-in-law, Chase Graves, is flying back from Tripoli to take the reins.
Well, let's try to have some answers for him when he gets here.
According to their message board, our zombie truthers are gathering this Saturday at Harley's gun range.
All the diehards will be there.
If we want answers, that's a good place to start.
Harley's met me and Liv.
He knows we're investigating zombie murders.
And I doubt they'd be too cuddly with the guy who sprung zombies out of Max Rager's basement.
Harley hasn't met me.
If I spray tan and throw on a wig, Harley would never recognize me.
I could go with Ravi.
If they decide you're infiltrators, not true believers, they won't play nice.
You sure you're up for this? Yep.
Um, clearly.
Very.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
FINN: Have no fear, America.
Your boy Finn Vincible is back.
And I have a special treat for you suckers.
[YELLS.]
I'm going deep here, yo.
You've seen me tweeze and lemon juice my happy trail.
Drive a nail through the webbing between my toes.
But this right here, is about the kind of pain that never goes away.
First love, baby.
Yo.
Taryn! Uh What's going on here? Where's Taryn at? She lives here, right? Finn? What the hell are you doing here? You know these guys? Taryn, Halloween night, 2004.
You wanted to go on the haunted hayride.
But I got drunk and yacked Easy Mac all over you.
Then you pretty much dumped me.
Biggest mistake of my life.
But, tonight, I'm here to win you back.
Excuse me? Finn, this is my husband.
For the time being.
Check it! [PEOPLE SCREAMING.]
I promised you a haunted hayride.
So, tonight, I'm gonna deliver.
[PEOPLE CHEERING.]
You gonna make like hay and bail? Never! In high school, Taryn said, if I kept acting like a fool I'd get nowhere in life.
Well, baby, my 22 sponsors beg to mother flippin' differ.
Thanks, Rudy! [GROANS.]
[LAUGHS.]
Don't try this at home! [UPBEAT HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING.]
[PEOPLE CHEERING.]
[SCREAMING.]
Stop rolling! Shut it off! CLIVE: Watch your back, please.
Thank you.
Clear the path, please.
Thank you.
What's with the audience? Distraught fans of Finn "Vincible.
" and his stunt-slash-prank crew are stars of the hit web series Stunted Growth.
When I need a laugh, I go on their YouTube page and watch them puke in a stranger's soup or smack each other with fish.
[LAUGHS.]
It's hilarious.
To each his own, I guess.
Twenty-three million subscribers can't be wrong.
So, this guy jumps through a flaming hoop dressed like a scarecrow and burns to death? I didn't get called here to present a Darwin Award.
How's this murder? A uni found this stuffed in a trash bin up the street.
Observe.
The theory is that someone pulled a switcheroo.
Hey! Excuse me! Rudy Pooh! Oh, my God! Where'd you get that? I need to see it.
Sorry, police evidence.
Please, can you just show me the liner? Oh, my God.
That's the suit I made.
It's lined with vermiculite, see? That's the material stunt men use.
I sewed it in myself.
That's the suit Finn was supposed to wear.
How many suits did you make? Just the one.
Finn would've been fine wearing that.
You see the gleam on it? That means it was treated with flame retardant spray.
You sprayed it yourself? Well, no.
The guys are like skydivers who pack their own chutes.
Finn would've been the one to spray it.
"The guys"? Aren't you part of the show? No Technically, he's crew, but he appears in loads of episodes.
Any idea who could have made that other suit? You ask me if people want to see him dead? You've seen the show.
Finn pissed off a lot of people, but [SNIFFLES.]
everyone who worked on the show loved him.
He was a genius.
We're still talking about the guy who jumped through a fire ring in a hay suit? A guy who pulled himself up from nothing and built an empire.
He was - Can I just have a minute? - Of course.
Where there are empires, there are people fighting over money.
Let's bring Finn's co-stars in for a chat.
So, who's hungry for some barbecue? [GULPS.]
No.
We've got it.
Don't Don't trouble yourself.
DON E.
: Check it out! We got regulars.
We're the kinda place where Everybody knows your name Yeah.
Actually, I don't know their names.
I think it's like Private Corporal something, I guess.
Those men are military? Uh, they're Private military.
Fillmore-Graves.
Fillmore-Graves? The Fortune 500 PMC with ties to multinational affairs has zombies in its ranks? Word is they're all zombies.
You don't say.
Are you having a vision? Oh, I've got a vision, all right.
I've seen the future.
And the future is brains.
[CHUCKLES.]
Did you eat Steve Jobs' brain? 'Cause you are straight up power trippin' right now.
"The future is brains"? We're the only zombie bar in the universe, and we're only doing so-so.
There is a reason why some men achieve greatness, and some, like you, are destined to serve those great men.
Get me a club soda with lime, please.
[INDISTINCT TALKING.]
The Stunted Growth guys are here.
They pickpocketed Officer Jones' taser gun, and one of them shot the other in the face.
Was he all [MIMICS ELECTRICITY CRACKLING.]
[RETCHING.]
No.
Lame.
I put them in interrogation for a time out.
They're trashed.
Came straight from Finn's wake.
[YELLING.]
That's my stapler.
Dude.
I got this.
[YELLS.]
Hey, hey, hey! Come on.
[ALL SHOUTING.]
[EXHALES.]
It's all good, Rooster.
Just breathe through it.
She's got a steady hand, man.
Fear not.
[ALL CHEERING.]
What the hell are you doing? Hang on a sec, I'm just stapling this guy's tongue.
This is a police interrogation room.
All right, we'll just bang out these questions and then staple Rooster's tongue after.
ALL: Yeah.
I told you I got this.
Sorry for your loss.
I see you guys are taking it hard.
Laugh the pain away.
That's what Finn always said, huh? He was balls to the wall, man.
- To Finn.
- You can't drink in here.
- Boo.
- Lame, man.
I need you guys to focus up.
Is there anybody you know who might have had it out for your pal Finn? I don't know, man.
We piss off a lot of folks.
- Like who? - Everyone.
- Yeah.
- [LAUGHING.]
Pretty much.
Hey, yo.
What about Kong? Nah.
Kong's cool.
Who's Kong? He's our camera dude.
But AD's tripping.
Kong loved Finn.
Yeah, but what about, like, that one time? We signed a non-disclosure agreement, ass clown.
Sorry, man.
They were like real specific.
BARACUS: The time for talk is over.
Seattle needs a mayor who will make things happen.
I'm Floyd Baracus, and I approve this message.
Cut! That's a wrap.
Mr.
Kong? Clive Babineaux, Seattle PD.
Yeah.
We're investigating the murder of your employer, Finn "Vincible.
" We have reason to believe the stunt that killed him was rigged.
Yeah.
And Finn's buddies told us all about your beef with Finn.
Yeah? What'd they tell you? Like super gnarly stuff.
That's what I thought.
They didn't tell you anything for the same reason I'm not gonna.
I signed an NDA.
Sorry I can't help you.
What the hell was that? The plan was to subtly imply the Stunted Growth guys were already talking.
That wasn't subtle? [MUSIC PLAYING ON EARPHONES.]
Dude? We're done with the trim outside.
Careful there.
Almost added another stain to those overalls.
I think you might have.
Check it out.
We got a grand opening gift basket from the Seattle Chamber of Commerce.
That is one big-ass prune.
That's a fig, dumb-ass.
Make yourself useful.
Fix me a White Russian.
ANGUS: You'll see growth projections on page 13 of your prospectus.
What the hell? I didn't get an invitation to this sausage party in my office.
Leave whatever that is and go.
I mean, you can use my office if you need it, but it would've been nice if you asked.
Shoo.
The men are talking now.
Our needs have evolved.
So, too, will the needs of countless more.
With your investment capital, we'll be able to acquire more hospitals, increasing our inventory for wider, even global distribution.
MAN: How much investment capital are you talking about? Glad you asked.
- [LAUGHS.]
- [SHOUTING ON COMPUTER.]
Clive, you have to see this.
Rudy just got kicked in the nuggets so hard, he hurled.
This is what you call research? No.
Wait, is that what we're doing? [GROANS.]
Surprised it took this long for Finn to get murdered.
Boohoo, Rudy Pooh! What the hell is wrong with you? You've gotta have everything? Are you filming this? You're sick, dude.
You're a sick man! [EXHALES.]
Did you see something? I think I caught the tail-end of one of Finn's pranks on Rudy.
Aw.
Lucky.
LIV: This wasn't funny.
Rudy was in tears.
Whatever Finn did to him must've been pretty awful.
When Rudy realized Finn was filming him, he lost it.
So, there should be footage we can search for? What else did you see? Why you gotta ask so many questions, man? It's an interrogation.
That's kind of the point.
- We pranked Rudy a bajillion times.
- [LAUGHING.]
And you're asking us to remember one specific time.
It was in a hotel room.
Rudy was sobbing and screaming at Finn, asking him why he has to have everything.
How do you know about that? We weren't able to find any footage of the prank online.
We were hoping you could fill us in.
What did Finn do to Rudy? Put super lice in his underwear? Beehive in his car? Filled his Boston cream donut with Liv, how about we let them tell us? We don't know.
We weren't there.
And Finn deleted that footage.
Said it wasn't funny.
Too raw.
BRUISE: Can we go now? We gotta film our tribute for Finn.
You wanna honor your friend? Then help us find his killer.
Wish we could help you out.
LIV: [SCOFFS.]
Lame.
We have to go back to Rudy and ask him what happened between him and Finn.
Next time you let me bring a cattle prod.
We'll get answers.
Hey.
I only have a second to talk.
I lied to the guys and said I had to yak up last night's purple drink.
So, talk.
That prank on Rudy that you asked about? We never used the footage.
But our editor sent us a link to the cut.
Thing you gotta know going in, Rudy's never had much luck with the girls.
[WOMAN MOANING.]
Oh, my God! - What the hell! - Rudy! No, no, no.
This can't be happening.
- Rudy, baby, don't freak out! - Yes! Boohoo, Rudy Pooh! What the hell is wrong with you? You've gotta have everything? - Are you filming this? - Whoa.
You're sick, dude.
You're a sick man! There's a hidden camera? I don't believe you! [SOBBING.]
You can have anyone, man.
Why her? You knew how much I love her.
FINN: Dude.
Chill.
It's just a prank.
I didn't take her all the way to bone town.
Psych! We did the nasty, straight up [GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
FINN: Dude, I'm messing with you.
Stasha was totally in on it.
You should see your face.
Really? Yeah, really.
So, did Finn sleep with Rudy's girlfriend or not? Don't know, dude.
FINN: Rudy, man [RUDY SOBBING.]
Rudy, when we last spoke, you told me you and Finn were buds.
I hope he treated you better behind the camera than he did in front of it.
Oh, I get it.
Punch me in the nuts.
Um No.
It's not weird.
I'm just making a point.
Punch me in the nuts.
[RUDY GROANS.]
LIV: Awesome.
[GROANING.]
[LAUGHS.]
You see.
It's a show.
I'm wearing a cup.
I'm always wearing a cup.
This coffee's for you, Rudy.
You know, those K-Cups, they got these new flavors.
This one's caramel vanilla cream.
Why don't you take a seat, Rudy? Caramel vanilla cream.
Man, that smells good.
We wanted to ask you about a video that featured your girlfriend.
You were all crying, blubbering like a little bitch.
[CHUCKLING.]
Was that just part of the show? Duh.
It was just a prank.
He didn't really do her.
Stasha was in on it.
For, like, 30 seconds, I thought it was real.
Quite an actor, your girlfriend.
Wife.
Married five months now.
She still gives me hell for falling for it.
Your coffee's getting cold.
Gotta admit.
Not really a coffee person.
- You're not gonna drink that? - Go to town.
Mmm.
That's good stuff.
One last thing, Rudy.
We were hoping you could shed some light on an incident Kong Hoshi had with Finn.
If you say the letters "N", "D" or "A", I am so gonna bag-tag your ass.
I didn't sign any NDA.
I wasn't there, but I heard about it.
Kong's son, Lee, tried to skateboard off his rooftop into the pool and missed.
Wound up crippled for life.
Does that have anything to do with Finn? Finn was Lee's hero.
And Finn might have provided Lee with some pro tips for how to pull off said stunt.
Rumor is, the show had to cough up beaucoup settlement money to Kong's family.
We need to have another chat with Kong.
Thanks for coming by, Rudy.
I'll be down in the morgue.
Liv Mmm-hmm.
Why can't I let go of this coffee mug? Super stickum, bitch! Aw! Too bad, Clive-y sad! Too bad, Clive-y sad! - This is amazing.
- [LAUGHS.]
Then my work here is done.
Ah, but that's where you're wrong.
I landed us an invite to the zombie truthers meeting tomorrow night.
- Shut up! - Ow.
I posted a ton on the zombie truthers message boards under the username IndianCowboy.
Stuff like, "You might be working with a zombie" "and not even know it.
" A zombie crashing a zombie haters club meeting.
It's like the coolest dare imaginable.
We could even do accents.
You be American and I'll be Brit! [IN BRITISH ACCENT.]
Mind the gap, you dumb squib! I cocked up that giddy kipper.
Now I'm all collywobbles.
[AMERICAN ACCENT.]
And I only speak one language and I wear white socks! USA! USA! [NORMAL ACCENT.]
I think we need to practice.
[NORMAL ACCENT.]
I wish I could, but I've got big plans.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Whatup! Holla.
- Ooh.
Something smells good.
- Follow me.
So, check it.
I've been on zombie dates before where the gentleman zombie and I weren't rocking the same brain.
I was a pathological liar, he was a hypochondriac.
Humh.
He was gay, I was a nympho.
So, how about we hop on the same brain train? Mmm This spoon-feeding thing makes me think you ate my mom's brain.
[CHUCKLES.]
That'd make for an uncomfortable night.
Come on.
I dare you to eat it.
All right.
[LAUGHING.]
All right.
So what do we have in store? Buckle up, my friend.
We're gonna take this night to the next level.
Where do we get our hands on some Super Max? Super [BOTH YELLING.]
Are you ready for this? Oh, yeah! My mom never let me play with these.
- Too dangerous.
- [CHUCKLES.]
We're going to get some serious hang-time, now that we're Super Maxed.
So ready? These babies are going into orbit! Okay.
One, two, three! [GRUNTS.]
Prepare for re-entry! You're a fun date.
Oh, look, a falling star! Whoo.
[LAUGHING.]
Whoo! That was insane! [YELLS.]
Human pincushion! Bull's eye! Let me get that for you.
Ow! Kelly Clarkson! - [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- Huh? Yo.
I got your suit and the flame retardant from Rudy.
FINN: That's not the flame retardant.
Rudy says it's a new brand.
Says it's better.
I don't know.
Yeah, that's right.
That's just how I do it.
Tupac's most definitely a zombie.
Dude gets capped, but he's still releasing songs.
You know who I'd bet is a zombie? Christina Ricci.
She gives off a real zombie vibe.
Donald! Fix me another Old Fashioned.
Try not to muddle the muddling this time.
Crush, then stir.
Don't jam it in like it's prom night.
Jawohl.
[PHONE VIBRATING.]
BLAINE: Don E.
Boy.
I can hear you mouth breathing.
Really doing it for me.
How the hell are you getting reception from six feet under? Sleep with one eye open, my friend.
I know where you and my dear old dad have set up shop, and I'm coming for you both.
If there's anything left on your bucket list, I suggest [PHONE BEEPS.]
- Where's my cherry? Do I have to - Blaine just called.
He ain't dead.
I took care of him, boss.
One in the gut, like you said, then one in the mouth.
No way he survived.
Then I just heard from his ghost.
The three of you, find him! Bring me his head this time! [SNAPS FINGERS.]
Clive Babineaux.
Seattle PD.
- Is Rudy around? - Oh, I'm afraid he's not home.
I'm Stasha's aunt, Essi.
Stasha's napping at the moment.
We're investigating the death of Finn "Vincible.
" We were hoping to take a look in Rudy's workshop, where the props get made.
Well, I don't see any harm with that.
There's a key under the mat.
Thank you, ma'am.
Clive! Check this sucker out! I'll give you 300 bucks if you let me zap you with it.
No.
Boring.
[SCREAMING.]
This is what you were like! [MIMICS CLIVE SCREAMING.]
[LAUGHING.]
Here's what we came for.
It says it's a flame retardant.
Damn.
Think Rudy changed the label? One way to find out.
Wait! Wait! What are you doing? Don't do that! Don't [EXHALES.]
Looks like it retards flames.
Uh, so much for that lead.
What do you think you're doing? You've got no right to be here.
Aunt Essi said it was cool.
It's fine.
We were just leaving.
- [BABY CRYING.]
- It's all right.
It's all right.
Look! There's your mama.
Stasha, he started crying again.
Mind if I ask how old he is.
As a matter of fact, I do.
He's just four days old! Isn't he precious? I'm guessing he favors his father? You told us you married Stasha.
You failed to mention you were starting a family.
We met your son.
Good looking kid.
I guess congratulations are in order.
- Thanks.
- You haven't been home in a while.
Last your wife saw you, you stormed out of the delivery room just moments after his arrival.
Finn's death, it's really messed me up.
I don't want to take that energy home.
That video of you catching Finn in bed with your girl You know when that was? I don't know.
A while back.
Thirty-nine weeks.
A hair over nine months.
Stasha lied to you.
She did sleep with Finn.
And you found out in the delivery room, didn't you? That's his son, not yours.
It was the final indignity, wasn't it? So, you made another hay suit, this one untreated.
You wanted him to catch fire.
You wanted to watch him suffer.
Boohoo, Rudy Pooh.
[LAUGHING.]
Finn was evil.
I did the world a favor.
Someone posted the video of his death online? The most-watched Stunted Growth video ever.
I beat him at his own game, didn't I? - Rudy Bachman, you have the right - It's Rudy Pooh.
I'm legally changing it.
Rudy Bachman, you have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law.
You.
Unpack that crate before the brains thaw out.
On it.
ANGUS: Call up the usual suspects.
I want someone guarding Keep the doors locked and your guns loaded No one steps a foot in or out unless I give the word.
Anyone asks why we're not open, tell 'em we got a pest problem.
Someone order cement? - Wait! - [GUNSHOT.]
Hey, Dad.
Wanna go have a catch? Ah! [CHUCKLES.]
I have to say, I'm proud of you.
I didn't think you had it in you.
This took initiative.
Oh, in that case, all is forgiven.
[GROANS.]
Look at you now.
I managed to turn a spoiled little brat into a man.
A man with ambition.
Really? You're going with the Boy Named Sue defense, huh? I got a business venture you're gonna find interesting.
Let's focus on the future, huh? McDonough and Son.
Unlimited growth.
Unlimited wealth.
Let's step into my office.
Nah, you step into my tub.
Come on.
Come on.
I got work to do.
[CROW CAWING.]
The old McDonough family estate.
So many childhood memories.
After you would beat me, or humiliate me, or psychologically torture Mom, I'd visit this well.
I'd toss a penny inside and wish you'd drop dead.
[MUFFLED TALKING.]
Old man says what? Oh, poor you! You were miserable because I beat you.
I beat you because you were miserable.
I offered you a shot at making millions of dollars Hundreds of millions Together, father and son, but poor baby has hurt feelings.
You're weak.
You're no businessman.
You were a waste of my sperm.
I gotta say That kind of stings.
[WATER SPLASHES.]
[CROWS CAWING.]
There's about $1.
40 in pennies down there, Dad.
Maybe you can bribe your way out.
- Surprise.
- Not really.
What with the two dead zombies out there, I'd be a lot more surprised if your pops was sitting in that chair.
[CHUCKLES.]
Don't worry.
He's alive and well.
Like I care.
So How you wanna do this? Cowboy style? Reach for your pistols.
See who's the Quick Draw McGraw? Shoot you, Don E.
? I need you.
Hell, I got two brick and mortar businesses to run.
You read this? Above my pay grade.
My dad saw the future Ah, the future is brains.
He told me that much.
Did he share with you how much money he thought we could make if we only aimed bigger? Much bigger? I say you should manage the bar here.
This is your place.
What you say goes.
- I'll handle the brain business - Stop talking.
You had me at money.
Tim Finnegan lived in Walkin Street A gentle Irishman mighty odd To help him on his way each day He'd a drop of the craythur every morn' Whack fol the dah now dance to your partner Around the floor, your trotters shake Wasn't it the truth I told ya? Lots of fun at Finnegan's wake One morning Tim felt rather full His head felt heavy and it made him shake With a barrel of porter at his feet And a bottle of whiskey at his head Whack fol the dah now dance to your partner Around the floor, your trotters shake Wasn't it the truth I told you? Lots of fun at Finnegan's wake Whack fol the dah now dance [MUSIC STOPS.]
Discovery day is coming.
Or haven't you heard? What's it going to take to wake you zombies up? There are six dead already.
Six of our own.
You've gotten soft.
And lazy.
We're supposed to be protecting the zombies who came out of the basement of Max Rager.
Why aren't we? Carey Gold gave us the night off for the wake.
From now on, if you need more toner for the copier, or you want to get your kid in a new elective, you see Carey Gold.
Anything relating to the defense of our species, you see me and only me.
Understood? ALL: Sir! Yes, sir.
I went through Fortesan's inventory, and I noticed he was missing six cans of Super Max.
I'm wondering if someone thought it would be fun to steal it for the party.
Uh That was me, sir.
I took them.
- I didn't think anybody - [ALL GASPING.]
Don't do it again.
We've got lots to do tomorrow, boys and girls.
Be on time.
Would you hurry up in there? LIV: Chill! It has to look perfect.
I know what you're thinking.
"Where'd Liv go?" What about me? Try to sweat less.
I'm entering a gun range full of zombie-hating, possibly zombie-murdering conspiracy theorists.
And I'm accompanying an undercover zombie.
Excuse me if I perspire.
It's an awesome stunt, isn't it? We should be filming it.
Husband? [INDISTINCT TALKING.]
We got this.
Uh Liv? 120 over 80.
Go on in.
We've gotta get out of here.
No way.
We have to find out what they're planning.
They'll mark you as a you know what in a heartbeat.
One very slow heartbeat.
GEOFF: Next.
What if I get my adrenaline going? I can pass this test, no sweat.
Liv, you cannot risk this.
Crap.
Harley saw me.
Do I know you from somewhere? I get that a lot.
Don't I get that a lot? She gets that a lot.
There's this girl on one of those shows on TV and everyone says I look like her.
- What's it called? - Oh, yes.
It's got a dumb name.
What is it? I could've swore we met.
GEOFF: Next.
In any case, uh, we just got a text message from our babysitter saying she's puking her guts out, so one of us has to go home and look after little Aanjaneya and Jaahanvi.
GEOFF: Who's up? I'll go home and see to the kids.
But I want to know everything.
Zombies are real.
There's one everywhere I go.
Love you, honey.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[BLOOD PRESSURE CUFF PUMPS.]
I know one foolproof test to tell if they're zombies.
Check their heart rate.
Me and my fellow travelers.
We are well-armed, and we're taking the war to them.
What's your business here? Blood pressure cuff.
You ran over that fella! - Go, go! - I'm going! Faster! [GROWLS.]
- [LAUGHS.]
- Yes! As of today, all your clients belong to us.
Your dad wanted me to deliver a message.
Ow! [NEWS INTRO PLAYING ON TV.]
MAN: [ON TV.]
The latest poll numbers in Seattle's mayoral race show District Attorney Floyd Baracus trailing by 10 points - [GUN CLICKS.]
- [GASPS.]
What What happened to you? Two requests.
Say yes to both or I blow your brains out.
First, you're gonna show me where your new brain suppliers are headquartered.
[STAMMERING.]
I can do that.
What else? [GROWLING.]
[CAR TIRES SCREECHING.]
[YELLING ON TV.]
Our zombie truther friend, Harley Johns, posted that footage on YouTube last night.
How many views? Almost 1,000.
There's no way we could've avoided this little anti-zombie recruitment video? We had the drop on them.
- But then they ran over Justin, and - And you let them get away.
It's my fault.
I shouldn't have let myself get run over.
They protected Baracus from harm.
That was their assignment.
The enemy gained intel.
They've released documented proof of the existence of zombies.
It's only proof if people believe it.
So far, the comments seem to suggest they don't.
It certainly looks like these guys are responsible for the Tuttle-Reid murders.
Harley Johns and his three brothers are still our prime suspects, but we don't have enough solid evidence yet.
Plus, a few hundred people posted on their anti-zombie message board.
Any of them could have killed Wally's family.
I propose we handle this in-house.
Down, boy.
Bright side, our mayoral candidate is still among the nearly living.
And I've got a good feeling about Clive and Liv.
That they're gonna catch the bad guy or bad guys, and we will all be able to sleep soundly.
That's it.
Meeting adjourned.
You, stay put.
Major Lilywhite! Talk about a big-league debut! Pinned down in Qumar.
Your lieutenant dead.
And you clear a rooftop of enemy snipers? Your rookie card is gonna be a collector's item! And all those heroics while taking multiple stab wounds to the stomach.
You know what that shows me? That there's no such thing as abs of steel? Look at you.
Joking around.
No PTSD.
What it shows me is you're the same Major who went to Qumar.
You are, aren't you? The same Major? Actually, I came back more committed than ever.
I love it! I want to shake your hand, soldier.
I hope this isn't too personal, but Is that a human pulse I'm feeling or are you just happy to see me? What? I don't Vivian, your chopper is ready.
Thank you.
The problem is, when you do so well in Qumar and you fail back home, people notice.
I was out there during the debriefing wondering how did our new star soldier let that zombie-murdering hick escape.
Everything was happening so fast.
Not too fast for a zombie.
How is it that you are no longer one? Major Tell me.
DRILL SERGEANT: You can't kill me, I can't die.
SOLDIERS: You can't kill me, I can't die.
DRILL SERGEANT: Unless you shoot me in the eye.
SOLDIERS: Unless you shoot me in the eye.
DRILL SERGEANT: Sound off.
SOLDIERS: One, two.
DRILL SERGEANT: Sound off.
SOLDIERS: Three, four.
So, did she promote you? Do we get to start calling you Major Major? She knows I'm human.
She's taking me off active duty.
Maybe I can talk to her.
It'll have to wait.
She and Fortesan are heading out to Zombie Island.
[HELICOPTER WHIRRING.]
She wants to talk to Ravi about how I was cured when she gets back.
Ravi isn't going to [EXPLOSION.]
[PEOPLE SCREAMING.]
Oh, my God.
[THEME SONG PLAYING.]
JOHNNY: The Federal Aviation Administration has declared that the crash was caused by mechanical failure Mechanical failure, my ass.
This is another attack on zombies.
We don't know that yet.
Clive, Harley and his people are targeting zombies.
These murders are all connected.
Don't you think it seems a bit advanced for Harley Johns and his band of zombie truthers? If they know that Fillmore-Graves is a zombie organization, they're not bragging about it.
No mentions of the crash on the message boards.
Any idea who's going to be in charge of the world's only zombie military force now? Uh, the scuttlebutt is Vivian's brother-in-law, Chase Graves, is flying back from Tripoli to take the reins.
Well, let's try to have some answers for him when he gets here.
According to their message board, our zombie truthers are gathering this Saturday at Harley's gun range.
All the diehards will be there.
If we want answers, that's a good place to start.
Harley's met me and Liv.
He knows we're investigating zombie murders.
And I doubt they'd be too cuddly with the guy who sprung zombies out of Max Rager's basement.
Harley hasn't met me.
If I spray tan and throw on a wig, Harley would never recognize me.
I could go with Ravi.
If they decide you're infiltrators, not true believers, they won't play nice.
You sure you're up for this? Yep.
Um, clearly.
Very.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
FINN: Have no fear, America.
Your boy Finn Vincible is back.
And I have a special treat for you suckers.
[YELLS.]
I'm going deep here, yo.
You've seen me tweeze and lemon juice my happy trail.
Drive a nail through the webbing between my toes.
But this right here, is about the kind of pain that never goes away.
First love, baby.
Yo.
Taryn! Uh What's going on here? Where's Taryn at? She lives here, right? Finn? What the hell are you doing here? You know these guys? Taryn, Halloween night, 2004.
You wanted to go on the haunted hayride.
But I got drunk and yacked Easy Mac all over you.
Then you pretty much dumped me.
Biggest mistake of my life.
But, tonight, I'm here to win you back.
Excuse me? Finn, this is my husband.
For the time being.
Check it! [PEOPLE SCREAMING.]
I promised you a haunted hayride.
So, tonight, I'm gonna deliver.
[PEOPLE CHEERING.]
You gonna make like hay and bail? Never! In high school, Taryn said, if I kept acting like a fool I'd get nowhere in life.
Well, baby, my 22 sponsors beg to mother flippin' differ.
Thanks, Rudy! [GROANS.]
[LAUGHS.]
Don't try this at home! [UPBEAT HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING.]
[PEOPLE CHEERING.]
[SCREAMING.]
Stop rolling! Shut it off! CLIVE: Watch your back, please.
Thank you.
Clear the path, please.
Thank you.
What's with the audience? Distraught fans of Finn "Vincible.
" and his stunt-slash-prank crew are stars of the hit web series Stunted Growth.
When I need a laugh, I go on their YouTube page and watch them puke in a stranger's soup or smack each other with fish.
[LAUGHS.]
It's hilarious.
To each his own, I guess.
Twenty-three million subscribers can't be wrong.
So, this guy jumps through a flaming hoop dressed like a scarecrow and burns to death? I didn't get called here to present a Darwin Award.
How's this murder? A uni found this stuffed in a trash bin up the street.
Observe.
The theory is that someone pulled a switcheroo.
Hey! Excuse me! Rudy Pooh! Oh, my God! Where'd you get that? I need to see it.
Sorry, police evidence.
Please, can you just show me the liner? Oh, my God.
That's the suit I made.
It's lined with vermiculite, see? That's the material stunt men use.
I sewed it in myself.
That's the suit Finn was supposed to wear.
How many suits did you make? Just the one.
Finn would've been fine wearing that.
You see the gleam on it? That means it was treated with flame retardant spray.
You sprayed it yourself? Well, no.
The guys are like skydivers who pack their own chutes.
Finn would've been the one to spray it.
"The guys"? Aren't you part of the show? No Technically, he's crew, but he appears in loads of episodes.
Any idea who could have made that other suit? You ask me if people want to see him dead? You've seen the show.
Finn pissed off a lot of people, but [SNIFFLES.]
everyone who worked on the show loved him.
He was a genius.
We're still talking about the guy who jumped through a fire ring in a hay suit? A guy who pulled himself up from nothing and built an empire.
He was - Can I just have a minute? - Of course.
Where there are empires, there are people fighting over money.
Let's bring Finn's co-stars in for a chat.
So, who's hungry for some barbecue? [GULPS.]
No.
We've got it.
Don't Don't trouble yourself.
DON E.
: Check it out! We got regulars.
We're the kinda place where Everybody knows your name Yeah.
Actually, I don't know their names.
I think it's like Private Corporal something, I guess.
Those men are military? Uh, they're Private military.
Fillmore-Graves.
Fillmore-Graves? The Fortune 500 PMC with ties to multinational affairs has zombies in its ranks? Word is they're all zombies.
You don't say.
Are you having a vision? Oh, I've got a vision, all right.
I've seen the future.
And the future is brains.
[CHUCKLES.]
Did you eat Steve Jobs' brain? 'Cause you are straight up power trippin' right now.
"The future is brains"? We're the only zombie bar in the universe, and we're only doing so-so.
There is a reason why some men achieve greatness, and some, like you, are destined to serve those great men.
Get me a club soda with lime, please.
[INDISTINCT TALKING.]
The Stunted Growth guys are here.
They pickpocketed Officer Jones' taser gun, and one of them shot the other in the face.
Was he all [MIMICS ELECTRICITY CRACKLING.]
[RETCHING.]
No.
Lame.
I put them in interrogation for a time out.
They're trashed.
Came straight from Finn's wake.
[YELLING.]
That's my stapler.
Dude.
I got this.
[YELLS.]
Hey, hey, hey! Come on.
[ALL SHOUTING.]
[EXHALES.]
It's all good, Rooster.
Just breathe through it.
She's got a steady hand, man.
Fear not.
[ALL CHEERING.]
What the hell are you doing? Hang on a sec, I'm just stapling this guy's tongue.
This is a police interrogation room.
All right, we'll just bang out these questions and then staple Rooster's tongue after.
ALL: Yeah.
I told you I got this.
Sorry for your loss.
I see you guys are taking it hard.
Laugh the pain away.
That's what Finn always said, huh? He was balls to the wall, man.
- To Finn.
- You can't drink in here.
- Boo.
- Lame, man.
I need you guys to focus up.
Is there anybody you know who might have had it out for your pal Finn? I don't know, man.
We piss off a lot of folks.
- Like who? - Everyone.
- Yeah.
- [LAUGHING.]
Pretty much.
Hey, yo.
What about Kong? Nah.
Kong's cool.
Who's Kong? He's our camera dude.
But AD's tripping.
Kong loved Finn.
Yeah, but what about, like, that one time? We signed a non-disclosure agreement, ass clown.
Sorry, man.
They were like real specific.
BARACUS: The time for talk is over.
Seattle needs a mayor who will make things happen.
I'm Floyd Baracus, and I approve this message.
Cut! That's a wrap.
Mr.
Kong? Clive Babineaux, Seattle PD.
Yeah.
We're investigating the murder of your employer, Finn "Vincible.
" We have reason to believe the stunt that killed him was rigged.
Yeah.
And Finn's buddies told us all about your beef with Finn.
Yeah? What'd they tell you? Like super gnarly stuff.
That's what I thought.
They didn't tell you anything for the same reason I'm not gonna.
I signed an NDA.
Sorry I can't help you.
What the hell was that? The plan was to subtly imply the Stunted Growth guys were already talking.
That wasn't subtle? [MUSIC PLAYING ON EARPHONES.]
Dude? We're done with the trim outside.
Careful there.
Almost added another stain to those overalls.
I think you might have.
Check it out.
We got a grand opening gift basket from the Seattle Chamber of Commerce.
That is one big-ass prune.
That's a fig, dumb-ass.
Make yourself useful.
Fix me a White Russian.
ANGUS: You'll see growth projections on page 13 of your prospectus.
What the hell? I didn't get an invitation to this sausage party in my office.
Leave whatever that is and go.
I mean, you can use my office if you need it, but it would've been nice if you asked.
Shoo.
The men are talking now.
Our needs have evolved.
So, too, will the needs of countless more.
With your investment capital, we'll be able to acquire more hospitals, increasing our inventory for wider, even global distribution.
MAN: How much investment capital are you talking about? Glad you asked.
- [LAUGHS.]
- [SHOUTING ON COMPUTER.]
Clive, you have to see this.
Rudy just got kicked in the nuggets so hard, he hurled.
This is what you call research? No.
Wait, is that what we're doing? [GROANS.]
Surprised it took this long for Finn to get murdered.
Boohoo, Rudy Pooh! What the hell is wrong with you? You've gotta have everything? Are you filming this? You're sick, dude.
You're a sick man! [EXHALES.]
Did you see something? I think I caught the tail-end of one of Finn's pranks on Rudy.
Aw.
Lucky.
LIV: This wasn't funny.
Rudy was in tears.
Whatever Finn did to him must've been pretty awful.
When Rudy realized Finn was filming him, he lost it.
So, there should be footage we can search for? What else did you see? Why you gotta ask so many questions, man? It's an interrogation.
That's kind of the point.
- We pranked Rudy a bajillion times.
- [LAUGHING.]
And you're asking us to remember one specific time.
It was in a hotel room.
Rudy was sobbing and screaming at Finn, asking him why he has to have everything.
How do you know about that? We weren't able to find any footage of the prank online.
We were hoping you could fill us in.
What did Finn do to Rudy? Put super lice in his underwear? Beehive in his car? Filled his Boston cream donut with Liv, how about we let them tell us? We don't know.
We weren't there.
And Finn deleted that footage.
Said it wasn't funny.
Too raw.
BRUISE: Can we go now? We gotta film our tribute for Finn.
You wanna honor your friend? Then help us find his killer.
Wish we could help you out.
LIV: [SCOFFS.]
Lame.
We have to go back to Rudy and ask him what happened between him and Finn.
Next time you let me bring a cattle prod.
We'll get answers.
Hey.
I only have a second to talk.
I lied to the guys and said I had to yak up last night's purple drink.
So, talk.
That prank on Rudy that you asked about? We never used the footage.
But our editor sent us a link to the cut.
Thing you gotta know going in, Rudy's never had much luck with the girls.
[WOMAN MOANING.]
Oh, my God! - What the hell! - Rudy! No, no, no.
This can't be happening.
- Rudy, baby, don't freak out! - Yes! Boohoo, Rudy Pooh! What the hell is wrong with you? You've gotta have everything? - Are you filming this? - Whoa.
You're sick, dude.
You're a sick man! There's a hidden camera? I don't believe you! [SOBBING.]
You can have anyone, man.
Why her? You knew how much I love her.
FINN: Dude.
Chill.
It's just a prank.
I didn't take her all the way to bone town.
Psych! We did the nasty, straight up [GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
FINN: Dude, I'm messing with you.
Stasha was totally in on it.
You should see your face.
Really? Yeah, really.
So, did Finn sleep with Rudy's girlfriend or not? Don't know, dude.
FINN: Rudy, man [RUDY SOBBING.]
Rudy, when we last spoke, you told me you and Finn were buds.
I hope he treated you better behind the camera than he did in front of it.
Oh, I get it.
Punch me in the nuts.
Um No.
It's not weird.
I'm just making a point.
Punch me in the nuts.
[RUDY GROANS.]
LIV: Awesome.
[GROANING.]
[LAUGHS.]
You see.
It's a show.
I'm wearing a cup.
I'm always wearing a cup.
This coffee's for you, Rudy.
You know, those K-Cups, they got these new flavors.
This one's caramel vanilla cream.
Why don't you take a seat, Rudy? Caramel vanilla cream.
Man, that smells good.
We wanted to ask you about a video that featured your girlfriend.
You were all crying, blubbering like a little bitch.
[CHUCKLING.]
Was that just part of the show? Duh.
It was just a prank.
He didn't really do her.
Stasha was in on it.
For, like, 30 seconds, I thought it was real.
Quite an actor, your girlfriend.
Wife.
Married five months now.
She still gives me hell for falling for it.
Your coffee's getting cold.
Gotta admit.
Not really a coffee person.
- You're not gonna drink that? - Go to town.
Mmm.
That's good stuff.
One last thing, Rudy.
We were hoping you could shed some light on an incident Kong Hoshi had with Finn.
If you say the letters "N", "D" or "A", I am so gonna bag-tag your ass.
I didn't sign any NDA.
I wasn't there, but I heard about it.
Kong's son, Lee, tried to skateboard off his rooftop into the pool and missed.
Wound up crippled for life.
Does that have anything to do with Finn? Finn was Lee's hero.
And Finn might have provided Lee with some pro tips for how to pull off said stunt.
Rumor is, the show had to cough up beaucoup settlement money to Kong's family.
We need to have another chat with Kong.
Thanks for coming by, Rudy.
I'll be down in the morgue.
Liv Mmm-hmm.
Why can't I let go of this coffee mug? Super stickum, bitch! Aw! Too bad, Clive-y sad! Too bad, Clive-y sad! - This is amazing.
- [LAUGHS.]
Then my work here is done.
Ah, but that's where you're wrong.
I landed us an invite to the zombie truthers meeting tomorrow night.
- Shut up! - Ow.
I posted a ton on the zombie truthers message boards under the username IndianCowboy.
Stuff like, "You might be working with a zombie" "and not even know it.
" A zombie crashing a zombie haters club meeting.
It's like the coolest dare imaginable.
We could even do accents.
You be American and I'll be Brit! [IN BRITISH ACCENT.]
Mind the gap, you dumb squib! I cocked up that giddy kipper.
Now I'm all collywobbles.
[AMERICAN ACCENT.]
And I only speak one language and I wear white socks! USA! USA! [NORMAL ACCENT.]
I think we need to practice.
[NORMAL ACCENT.]
I wish I could, but I've got big plans.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Whatup! Holla.
- Ooh.
Something smells good.
- Follow me.
So, check it.
I've been on zombie dates before where the gentleman zombie and I weren't rocking the same brain.
I was a pathological liar, he was a hypochondriac.
Humh.
He was gay, I was a nympho.
So, how about we hop on the same brain train? Mmm This spoon-feeding thing makes me think you ate my mom's brain.
[CHUCKLES.]
That'd make for an uncomfortable night.
Come on.
I dare you to eat it.
All right.
[LAUGHING.]
All right.
So what do we have in store? Buckle up, my friend.
We're gonna take this night to the next level.
Where do we get our hands on some Super Max? Super [BOTH YELLING.]
Are you ready for this? Oh, yeah! My mom never let me play with these.
- Too dangerous.
- [CHUCKLES.]
We're going to get some serious hang-time, now that we're Super Maxed.
So ready? These babies are going into orbit! Okay.
One, two, three! [GRUNTS.]
Prepare for re-entry! You're a fun date.
Oh, look, a falling star! Whoo.
[LAUGHING.]
Whoo! That was insane! [YELLS.]
Human pincushion! Bull's eye! Let me get that for you.
Ow! Kelly Clarkson! - [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- Huh? Yo.
I got your suit and the flame retardant from Rudy.
FINN: That's not the flame retardant.
Rudy says it's a new brand.
Says it's better.
I don't know.
Yeah, that's right.
That's just how I do it.
Tupac's most definitely a zombie.
Dude gets capped, but he's still releasing songs.
You know who I'd bet is a zombie? Christina Ricci.
She gives off a real zombie vibe.
Donald! Fix me another Old Fashioned.
Try not to muddle the muddling this time.
Crush, then stir.
Don't jam it in like it's prom night.
Jawohl.
[PHONE VIBRATING.]
BLAINE: Don E.
Boy.
I can hear you mouth breathing.
Really doing it for me.
How the hell are you getting reception from six feet under? Sleep with one eye open, my friend.
I know where you and my dear old dad have set up shop, and I'm coming for you both.
If there's anything left on your bucket list, I suggest [PHONE BEEPS.]
- Where's my cherry? Do I have to - Blaine just called.
He ain't dead.
I took care of him, boss.
One in the gut, like you said, then one in the mouth.
No way he survived.
Then I just heard from his ghost.
The three of you, find him! Bring me his head this time! [SNAPS FINGERS.]
Clive Babineaux.
Seattle PD.
- Is Rudy around? - Oh, I'm afraid he's not home.
I'm Stasha's aunt, Essi.
Stasha's napping at the moment.
We're investigating the death of Finn "Vincible.
" We were hoping to take a look in Rudy's workshop, where the props get made.
Well, I don't see any harm with that.
There's a key under the mat.
Thank you, ma'am.
Clive! Check this sucker out! I'll give you 300 bucks if you let me zap you with it.
No.
Boring.
[SCREAMING.]
This is what you were like! [MIMICS CLIVE SCREAMING.]
[LAUGHING.]
Here's what we came for.
It says it's a flame retardant.
Damn.
Think Rudy changed the label? One way to find out.
Wait! Wait! What are you doing? Don't do that! Don't [EXHALES.]
Looks like it retards flames.
Uh, so much for that lead.
What do you think you're doing? You've got no right to be here.
Aunt Essi said it was cool.
It's fine.
We were just leaving.
- [BABY CRYING.]
- It's all right.
It's all right.
Look! There's your mama.
Stasha, he started crying again.
Mind if I ask how old he is.
As a matter of fact, I do.
He's just four days old! Isn't he precious? I'm guessing he favors his father? You told us you married Stasha.
You failed to mention you were starting a family.
We met your son.
Good looking kid.
I guess congratulations are in order.
- Thanks.
- You haven't been home in a while.
Last your wife saw you, you stormed out of the delivery room just moments after his arrival.
Finn's death, it's really messed me up.
I don't want to take that energy home.
That video of you catching Finn in bed with your girl You know when that was? I don't know.
A while back.
Thirty-nine weeks.
A hair over nine months.
Stasha lied to you.
She did sleep with Finn.
And you found out in the delivery room, didn't you? That's his son, not yours.
It was the final indignity, wasn't it? So, you made another hay suit, this one untreated.
You wanted him to catch fire.
You wanted to watch him suffer.
Boohoo, Rudy Pooh.
[LAUGHING.]
Finn was evil.
I did the world a favor.
Someone posted the video of his death online? The most-watched Stunted Growth video ever.
I beat him at his own game, didn't I? - Rudy Bachman, you have the right - It's Rudy Pooh.
I'm legally changing it.
Rudy Bachman, you have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law.
You.
Unpack that crate before the brains thaw out.
On it.
ANGUS: Call up the usual suspects.
I want someone guarding Keep the doors locked and your guns loaded No one steps a foot in or out unless I give the word.
Anyone asks why we're not open, tell 'em we got a pest problem.
Someone order cement? - Wait! - [GUNSHOT.]
Hey, Dad.
Wanna go have a catch? Ah! [CHUCKLES.]
I have to say, I'm proud of you.
I didn't think you had it in you.
This took initiative.
Oh, in that case, all is forgiven.
[GROANS.]
Look at you now.
I managed to turn a spoiled little brat into a man.
A man with ambition.
Really? You're going with the Boy Named Sue defense, huh? I got a business venture you're gonna find interesting.
Let's focus on the future, huh? McDonough and Son.
Unlimited growth.
Unlimited wealth.
Let's step into my office.
Nah, you step into my tub.
Come on.
Come on.
I got work to do.
[CROW CAWING.]
The old McDonough family estate.
So many childhood memories.
After you would beat me, or humiliate me, or psychologically torture Mom, I'd visit this well.
I'd toss a penny inside and wish you'd drop dead.
[MUFFLED TALKING.]
Old man says what? Oh, poor you! You were miserable because I beat you.
I beat you because you were miserable.
I offered you a shot at making millions of dollars Hundreds of millions Together, father and son, but poor baby has hurt feelings.
You're weak.
You're no businessman.
You were a waste of my sperm.
I gotta say That kind of stings.
[WATER SPLASHES.]
[CROWS CAWING.]
There's about $1.
40 in pennies down there, Dad.
Maybe you can bribe your way out.
- Surprise.
- Not really.
What with the two dead zombies out there, I'd be a lot more surprised if your pops was sitting in that chair.
[CHUCKLES.]
Don't worry.
He's alive and well.
Like I care.
So How you wanna do this? Cowboy style? Reach for your pistols.
See who's the Quick Draw McGraw? Shoot you, Don E.
? I need you.
Hell, I got two brick and mortar businesses to run.
You read this? Above my pay grade.
My dad saw the future Ah, the future is brains.
He told me that much.
Did he share with you how much money he thought we could make if we only aimed bigger? Much bigger? I say you should manage the bar here.
This is your place.
What you say goes.
- I'll handle the brain business - Stop talking.
You had me at money.
Tim Finnegan lived in Walkin Street A gentle Irishman mighty odd To help him on his way each day He'd a drop of the craythur every morn' Whack fol the dah now dance to your partner Around the floor, your trotters shake Wasn't it the truth I told ya? Lots of fun at Finnegan's wake One morning Tim felt rather full His head felt heavy and it made him shake With a barrel of porter at his feet And a bottle of whiskey at his head Whack fol the dah now dance to your partner Around the floor, your trotters shake Wasn't it the truth I told you? Lots of fun at Finnegan's wake Whack fol the dah now dance [MUSIC STOPS.]
Discovery day is coming.
Or haven't you heard? What's it going to take to wake you zombies up? There are six dead already.
Six of our own.
You've gotten soft.
And lazy.
We're supposed to be protecting the zombies who came out of the basement of Max Rager.
Why aren't we? Carey Gold gave us the night off for the wake.
From now on, if you need more toner for the copier, or you want to get your kid in a new elective, you see Carey Gold.
Anything relating to the defense of our species, you see me and only me.
Understood? ALL: Sir! Yes, sir.
I went through Fortesan's inventory, and I noticed he was missing six cans of Super Max.
I'm wondering if someone thought it would be fun to steal it for the party.
Uh That was me, sir.
I took them.
- I didn't think anybody - [ALL GASPING.]
Don't do it again.
We've got lots to do tomorrow, boys and girls.
Be on time.
Would you hurry up in there? LIV: Chill! It has to look perfect.
I know what you're thinking.
"Where'd Liv go?" What about me? Try to sweat less.
I'm entering a gun range full of zombie-hating, possibly zombie-murdering conspiracy theorists.
And I'm accompanying an undercover zombie.
Excuse me if I perspire.
It's an awesome stunt, isn't it? We should be filming it.
Husband? [INDISTINCT TALKING.]
We got this.
Uh Liv? 120 over 80.
Go on in.
We've gotta get out of here.
No way.
We have to find out what they're planning.
They'll mark you as a you know what in a heartbeat.
One very slow heartbeat.
GEOFF: Next.
What if I get my adrenaline going? I can pass this test, no sweat.
Liv, you cannot risk this.
Crap.
Harley saw me.
Do I know you from somewhere? I get that a lot.
Don't I get that a lot? She gets that a lot.
There's this girl on one of those shows on TV and everyone says I look like her.
- What's it called? - Oh, yes.
It's got a dumb name.
What is it? I could've swore we met.
GEOFF: Next.
In any case, uh, we just got a text message from our babysitter saying she's puking her guts out, so one of us has to go home and look after little Aanjaneya and Jaahanvi.
GEOFF: Who's up? I'll go home and see to the kids.
But I want to know everything.
Zombies are real.
There's one everywhere I go.
Love you, honey.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[BLOOD PRESSURE CUFF PUMPS.]