Jonah From Tonga (2014) s01e03 Episode Script
Episode 3
1 We're just trying to be YouTube sensations, Sir.
Jonah: Mr.
Joseph found out about our YouTube channel of bullying videos Joseph: "Fobba-liscious Bully Video 2.
" "Fobba-liscious Bully Video with spew.
" The whole lot of you are gonna end up in fucking juvie.
so we had to meet the new school youth worker for counseling Kris: Hey, boys, come join in! See if you can pick it up.
Grab a spot at the back.
but he was a homo.
Maybe just build a relationship.
A relationship? We're not gay, sir.
Yeah! ( shouting ) Jonah: Graydon and the rangas made fun of my break dancing It's fucking embarrassing, man.
You're so bad.
You can't dance for shit.
so I had to get revenge.
Joseph: Have a look at him! He's clearly a fuckwit.
I'm clearly a fuckwit! Shut up, Fob! At least I can read books.
That's enough of the racist thing, mate! Jonah: Piss off, ranga.
Jonah: And when Graydon's little brother picked on Moses Hey, Pooses! Fuck up, homo.
I tried to make the best bullying video ever.
This is called "The Ranga Roundup with Year 7 homo eating dog shit.
" Jonah! You fucking idiot! Fuck.
Shit.
Fuck.
I'm calling your father! Sir, I love you! I love you, Sir! ( theme music playing ) ( clicking, thuds ) ( monkey chatters ) "Screems" from da old plantation, non-stop ( vocalizes music ) Screems from da old plantation, non-stop ( vocalizes music ) ( over TV ) We watch it all just float away I see 'em all coming my way And now they wanna take my time I could tell 'em what's on my mind ( Jonah laughs ) Don't, faggot.
It was an accident.
Dad! Don't fucking say anything or I'll punch you in the vagina.
Jonah: 'Cause of the ranga incident Dad! Mr.
Joseph told my dad and I got grounded.
Turn that shit down! I live life like there ain't no today How you turn this shit off? Mary: Dad, Jonah's been-- Don't even say it.
Stop talking.
( TV shuts off ) Moses, we gotta get ready for bowling.
You're not going anywhere.
You're grounded.
Well, grounding's for homos.
You want a smack as well? No.
Do something useful with your life! ( softly ) Do something useful with your face.
My dad, he always wants me to be a priest or a rugby player or something good.
That shit's for homos.
( Jonah laughs ) What the fuck was that? Jonah: Nothing.
I didn't do it! Jonah.
( doorbell chimes ) Look, fuckhead, stop mucking around with the wall! You want to sit on your ass all day doing nothing? No, sir.
You're coming to work with me.
I'm not gonna go to work with you! I give you a uniform and you're coming to work with me! ( door closes ) I didn't-- I'm grounded! You can't take me to work.
Mr.
Takalua.
You've got a dick job.
Mary: Hey, go home, he's grounded.
Rocky: Hey, listen! Get ready to go to work with me! Otherwise your ass is gonna get red-hot when I smacked it! ( whispers ) Siana, are you coming or what? Your dad's mad as fuck.
Jonah: He's always mad as fuck.
Let's get ready, boys.
We're going bowling.
One for my ussos, two for the liability Three to change the world views There's little pools hearing this Four's the producer of tracks that ain't feeling it, five is for the Come on! ( laughs ) Shit.
Yo Safari, I see you! Some cats, they try to make a brother feel short Oh yeah, we on safari, catch my vile sickness, señor Dox, there's Melody.
Hey, dox.
Hey, Melody! Melody, what are you doing? Hey.
What do you reckon? Ohhh! Take it easy.
Wait for it.
Hoo-hoo! Oh yeah.
Melody! What? Come chill with me over here.
Sorry, girls, I'm taking her away.
Hey, you're losing.
Huh? You're losing.
You're not any better.
You look hot.
Thanks.
Have you eaten much today? No.
Why? It's-- the food's good here.
Hot chips are good.
Uh, I wanted to ask you something.
You know that assignment we've got to do in Design? Yeah.
Well, would I be able to papier-mâché you? What the fuck? Like your body? Like put papier-mâché on me? Why the fuck would you wanna do that? Yeah.
It's a sculpture thing.
Miss said we could do them.
I was gonna papier-mâché my dick, but Miss said no.
Uhm, whatever.
But I should get back to the game.
Okay.
Thanks for talking to me.
You do realize we're cousins.
Yeah, I know.
I don't care.
But, hey, before you go, I wanna tell you a joke, a bowling joke.
No.
What did the bowling alley do to my dick? Give me balls.
You're so lame.
It's a joke.
I made it up.
See you, Melody! Hey, Moses, ask if you can touch it.
Miss, can he touch the ball? Jonah: Moses is obsessed with the golden bowling ball.
You're touching $10,000, Moses.
( chuckles ) Jonah: It's this bowling ball, right, and they keep it on the shelf behind the counter and it's worth $10,000.
As if.
'Cause it's made of pure solid gold.
Bull! It is! No, it ain't.
Ask the manager.
We asked last time we were here.
It is.
Go ask the lady behind the counter.
You don't even know.
Oh, you can feel how expensive it is.
If it was worth that much, they wouldn't have it on the shelf like that.
Yeah.
They would have alarms and shit.
That's why they've got security.
Security guys.
Look, there's one over there.
Manu: Security is too chubby! Jerome: Oh shit, your dad, siana.
Holy fuck! Boys, go go.
Jonah, I'm gonna smack your asshole! Boys, boys.
Boys, come here, come here.
Come over here, you little fuckwit! Go down here.
Go down here.
If you don't come over here, I'm gonna kill the shit out of ya! Come over here right now! You can't go-- Come and get us, Dad! Come and get us! Oh yeah? All right then! Get away! Get away! Come over here! ( laughter ) You're dead, motherfucker! Dad! Dad! ( shouting ) Just get out of-- You can't do that here.
Get-- Jesus! Get off of me! Stop breaking the rules! I'm gonna break your dick when we get home! Oh yeah, if you do, you're a homo! Always thought you were one! Hunt: Okay, please put your smocks away, then please tuck your chairs in, guys.
( boys chattering ) Keep ripping.
Smaller strips.
How long is this gonna take to dry? It dries really quickly.
I'm gonna use a hair dryer.
I've just gotta do more on this area.
Stop trying to touch my boobs! You sicko! I'm not! I've just go to-- You've been doing it a lot.
The surface needs more work there.
Just stop.
Oh my goodness.
I can't help it.
I gotta do this-- just one-- Jonah, stop! I just gotta make it good! Siana, that looks good as.
You look hot in newspaper, Melody.
Hey, Jonah, do you need help? No! Don't fucking touch.
Melody: Yeah, fuck off.
She's my cousin! Only Jonah can touch me.
Yeah, only I can touch her.
Manu: All right then.
We're relations.
I'm the artist in this situation.
And stop trying to touch my boobs.
I'm not.
I'm just doing this bit.
You're still touching it.
I'm not even touching it.
I'm doing the middle bit.
Where's that snorkel? Put this in your mouth.
Do I have to? Really? Yeah, 'cause I've gotta do your face.
I'm doing the whole thing, feet to face.
( speaks indiscernibly ) Jonah: Okay.
Manu: Oh, look.
Oh.
Siana, that look like cum.
Oh.
Oh! That's what Jonah wants to splatter on her face for real.
( laughter ) Oh my God.
Jonah: Leave me be! Come on, come on, pack up please.
It's good art, isn't it, Miss? Yes, it's a fantastic sculptural form.
I want you to think about your process diary and your design brief.
Yeah, I know about it.
It's about my culture.
Yeah? It's about Tongan girl shapes and what they mean to me.
Okay, I'm gonna need more of an explanation than that.
You need a hug, Miss.
Give me a hug.
No.
No no no no no no no.
No no no no.
No, Jonah.
No, get off.
Just give me a hug.
That's all you need.
Jonah! Get off, Jonah.
Pack up, please.
Thanks, Miss.
Pack up.
Okay, girls, plug this in and dry it.
And when you're finished drying, just lift it off, put it on the table, put my name on it.
Here, I'll leave this with you.
Sonny: Hey, what's up, Mr.
Joseph? Mr.
Joseph! S'up, Sir? Jesus Christ.
How'd you wangle this? It's good art, Sir.
You don't know shit about art.
Yeah, Sir, you don't know shit.
It's a sculpture.
What are you in Design for? It's papier-mâché.
I'm here to escort you little pricks over to your first counseling session with Mr.
Fonua.
I figured you'd forget.
Manu: Mister who? We know where to go, Sir.
You don't need to take us.
Yeah, Sir.
We don't want to hang out with Kool Kris.
Yeah? Well, Listen, it was all part of the deal.
You're a bunch of bullies.
You need to learn the error of your ways.
Let's go.
Sir, don't take us there.
I know where his room is.
Promise? Yeah, trust us for once.
Yeah, Sir.
Don't fuck me around.
You go straight there, you hear me? We won't! Straight there! Straight there.
Definitely, Sir.
Go! Promise, Sir! See you, Sir! Joseph: Straight there! ( hair dryer whirring ) Moses! Moses, quick.
We gotta hide from Kool Kris.
He wants to counsel us.
Manu: Yeah.
When he comes, we can duck quickly.
All right, all right, hurry up.
Over there, hurry.
Down, boys.
Get down.
Oi, fellas! ( Moses giggles ) He's coming.
Kris: Come over.
Let's get started.
Let's go, boys! ( laughter ) ( chattering ) Get under-- get under the tables.
Get under.
( laughter ) Manu: Where is he? Where is he? Shh! Shut up! What are you boys doing? Sonny: Oh shit.
Nothing, Miss.
What are you doing? Mr.
Fonua is looking for you.
I've just walked past him.
Apparently you've an appointment.
Jonah: Yeah, we were going there.
Manu: We were going there, Miss.
You've got an appointment.
Off you go.
Yeah, we're going.
We're on our way there.
We're just stopping out there.
Hunt: Go on.
Sonny: We were just checking out the table.
Okay.
Manu: Love you, Miss.
( whispering ) We're gonna need to split up, go in separate directions if we're gonna lose him.
Manu: Yeah? Sonny: Let's do it.
All right, go go.
Split up, boys.
Let's go.
Different directions, boys! Sister, I feel sick.
I've got like stomach pains or some shit.
Oh, you poor thing.
Come on through.
We're going to sick bay? Well, maybe you need a glass of water, yeah? Yeah, I might have to lie down too.
You do feel like you have a temperature, so a little rest'll help, make you feel better.
Mmm.
Have you still got the tummy pains? Yeah, I think I might have food poisoning, sister.
Umm, and my head hurts too.
Oh.
Well, rubbing the head a little bit sometimes helps when it's sore.
Mmm.
Umm, my dick hurts too.
What?! Nothing.
I'm just-- I'm only joking.
Do you feel like you might throw up? No.
Oh, actually, yeah, I might.
Well, I'm gonna leave you to rest for a while, okay? Okay.
Now I'm only going to be over there, so call me if you need me.
I don't want you to go, but-- you stay, 'cause I'll be bored.
Well, I've got work to do.
I want to tell you some jokes.
Sister, sit down.
Sit down.
I want to tell you some jokes.
Just a couple of jokes.
Just-- come on.
You like my jokes and shit.
No, but no swearing.
No.
Okay, first joke.
Um, what did the school say when the teachers didn't come? "You're sacked, so get lost.
" ( clicks tongue ) Oh, that's silly.
It's not a swear word.
Umm what did the nun say to the priest? "Shut up.
" ( laughter ) Don't know why, but I like that one.
What did the old lady say to her face? "Shut your face, nun head.
" Oh, I don't like that one.
( laughs ) I'm just being silly.
I wasn't being mean, Sister.
Sister, can I do some rapping? Like freestyle rapping? Well, all right, but if that phone rings, I've gotta get it.
Can you beatbox? No.
Um, okay.
It's about Holy Cross.
I like Holy Cross, the teachers get cross Cross the road, Jesus on the cross You are a nun, you look quite good In your hood ( laughs ) How many nuns do you meet in your life? Probably none.
Get it? "Probably none.
" ( laughs ) I like the nun bit, yeah.
Same as "nun.
" ( knocks ) I do like the nun bit.
Boys.
Sister, we feel a bit sick.
Yeah.
What, all of you? Yeah.
Did you all eat the same thing? Yeah, I think it's the flu or something.
Oh my goodness.
Sister thinks we might have food poisoning, boys Boys: Yeah.
from the tuck shop.
Sonny: I think we do.
I haven't got enough beds for all of you, so you better just hop onto Jonah's bed and have a rest.
Hop on, boys! We'll share it up.
Thanks, Sister! Thanks, Sister.
Thanks for looking after us.
All right now.
We'll just chill here.
We'll let you know if anything bad happens, any medical emergencies.
I'll come back and check on you later.
We'll ring the bell.
Hopefully we don't have heart attacks.
We'll do four steps.
Boys: I'm your island boy Fuck, she fell for it.
You're my island girl, let's be together forever I'm your island boy, I kill a horse for you And we can eat it together Yeah yeah, hey, island girl, the skux is here Israel: What? I want to suck on your tits, so come here Yeah.
Take off your island skirt I promise it won't hurt.
Yeah.
Kris: Ah, here we are, boys.
Oh, we're sick as, Sir.
Oh, you don't sound sick to me.
I just heard some cool rapping and singing.
We've got food poisoning from the tuck shop! Yeah.
Kris: All right, look, you win this time.
Lunchtime's over, all right? But Mr.
Joseph told me you've got detention this afternoon at the horticultural center, all right? So we're going to meet for counseling, all right? Don't be afraid, guys.
I don't bite.
We don't have detention.
Fuck, no way.
I'm not afraid.
We just don't want to do it.
Yeah.
No, Sir.
Get up and go to class now.
Manu: You go to class.
Fuck shit.
( moans ) Fuck.
Sir, why do you have to be-- You're a dickhead.
Kris: Come on.
Flippin' hell.
Stop bullying us.
Asshole.
Hey, Sister! Bye, Sister.
We're feeling better.
Thanks, Sister! Thanks, Sister.
( laughs ) They're hopeless.
( chatter, laughter ) ( chattering ) What is this shit, anyway? Someone already dug here.
You have to plant it on the thing.
Don't take it out.
This is pretty fun, boys.
Look, see? It's boring and not fun at all.
Dox, you stuffed it up.
You put too much dirt.
Like this? Hey! ( grunts ) Fuck up! Stop messing with my work.
Don't hit my ass.
It still hurts from the weekend.
Did Dad give you a hiding, Jonah? Tongan dads, eh? Oof.
Manu: Yeah.
Show you.
Hey, garden's looking good, boys.
Keep going.
I was thinking maybe we could have a chat at the same time.
Don't wanna chat.
Kris: Hey, listen, today's more about just airing any issues you might be having with the school or at home.
You won't get in trouble for anything you might want to say, so just feel free.
It's more of a general get-to-know-you session.
Get to know my dick, Sir.
That sounds gay as, siana.
( laughter ) Fuck up.
Gay joke.
Sir, no one cares what you have to say, so enjoy talking to yourself, Krissy Church-head.
Look, man, I've been through some pretty shit times myself, all right? I'm hell tough.
You guys can say whatever you want to say, call me whatever you wanna call me.
It's like water off a duck's back.
Okay, you're a Christian homo dickhead and a shit dancer.
( boys laughing ) You said say anything.
See, I don't even care.
I was saying that kind of stuff to teachers when I was your age as well.
( boys mutter ) You're a dickhead.
( humphs ) Well, hey, listen, what about Mr.
Joseph? All right? What do you guys think about him? He's a knob-head.
No, fuck up.
He's a legend.
No, he's not.
He killed people in the army.
Manu: No, he didn't, you liar.
He did.
He told me.
You're lying.
Hey, have you guys thought about your future at all? Any areas of work you wanna get into? I want to go to uni.
Kris: Yeah? Jonah, you? Go to uni, but-- Well, uni's pretty hard to get into.
I'd love it if you got in.
We shouldn't rule it out.
What about the trades, guys? Any of the vocational trade training subjects interest youse? Metalwork's pretty good.
Yeah? Yeah.
I like papier-mâché.
Well, that's good.
That's art.
Maybe you could be an artist.
No, I'm a shit drawer.
Anyone else? Guys, I wanna talk about bullying, all right? You guys have been in trouble for bullying.
Why do you do it? ( scoffs ) 'Cause we dominate the school.
Yeah, we're the toughest in the whole school, so we have to remind people not to mess with us.
I don't think you do dominate, and I think you guys know it deep down inside.
We do.
So you guys try and pick on small kids just to make yourself feel better, am I right? No.
No.
I'm a Fob too, boys.
I remember what it was like in high school.
Yeah, but you would've been a nerd Fob.
Yeah.
We're way tougher than you.
I was saying that to teachers when I was your age as well.
I thought all my teachers were nerds.
No, you really are one, sir.
( laughing ) Sorry to tell you.
Hey, Mr.
Joseph tells me you've been in trouble with the law as well.
Is that right? Ages ago, but I'm good now.
Mm-hmm.
Shoplifting, tagging and stuff? Yeah, Jonah did the shoplifting to show off in front of The Soldierz.
Who are The Soldierz? Just these gun-as boys.
They're older than us.
Fob boys.
Yeah.
They're rich as.
What, and they encourage you to shoplift? Yeah.
They don't sound like good guys to me.
No, they are.
They're legendary.
All right.
Well, what about your dancing, guys? You guys are incredible.
Why don't you pursue that? Sir, we're shit.
We're shit as.
Yeah.
You saw the dance demo the other day.
We suck.
There's no way we'd ever be as good as those boys.
Yeah, but that's because you don't practice.
Listen, I guarantee you if you guys worked at it, you'll surprise yourselves.
I've seen you in the playing ground.
You guys are incredible, and your singing is awesome.
Moses, the tone in your voice, man, is beautiful.
I really-- I mean that.
I'm taking him to America to get a record deal.
Just gotta get $5,000 first.
Yeah, they going Qantas, business class.
Yeah.
Gonna get upgraded Going economy.
No, first class.
to first class.
It's better.
First class is better.
Listen, "Feel The Beat.
" Sir, that looks gay as.
Well, it's not, okay? Entries close soon.
You guys gotta sing and dance and do whatever.
All right? We're not doing it.
Why not? 'Cause we don't want to.
Guys, listen, the prize-- if you make it through to the heats, and then the state finals and make it to the nationals, the prize is a trip to America to work with industry professionals and to make contacts with people in the entertainment industry.
That's good for you.
How do we win it? Well, you've got to make a video clip entry, right? It's got to be an original performance with an anti-bullying theme.
All right? If they like your clip, you make it to the heats, and if you go through in that, you can make it to the state finals at the Sydney Entertainment Center, see? Well, we don't know how to do a video clip, Sir.
I do.
What do we have to do, like a song or some shit? Okay, well, this is what I suggest-- you guys work with me every afternoon this week, and we work on the song together.
We make a video clip and we send it in, see what happens.
Guys, this is an awesome opportunity.
What do you reckon, siana? Jonah and Moses: Suppose.
Manu: I reckon we should do it.
Kris: All right, strum me something.
Just strum anything.
Manu: Anything? Anything? Kris: Yeah.
Yeah.
Manu: So money.
Ooh, I feel so alone ( laughter ) Sir, that is the gayest thing you've ever done! Krissy, don't ever sing again, okay? What? Don't ever sing, cuz.
Listen listen listen.
Listen, this song has to have an anti-bullying message.
Fuck, that was funny.
Listen, I'm thinking maybe if Moses sings the hook, all right? This is all part of it, guys.
We have to encourage each other and learn how to just build each other up.
Don't try and-- It's gotta sound gangster though.
Yeah.
Sir, mean as.
I'm not doing that gay stuff.
Yeah, I don't wanna do a gay song.
All right, then what ab-- okay, then I'll do a beatbox and then you guys freestyle.
Yeah, drop us some beat.
Yeah, drop us some beatboxing.
Hit us with our beat, Krissy.
Okay.
( beatboxing ) Yo, G.
Ooh, Krissy Yo.
Don't be a bully! What a gay voice he's got.
( laughter ) Fuck off! It's good, it's good, it's good.
Keep going.
I'm doing-- I'm trying my best.
Yeah, that's it.
That's the point.
That's the point.
Ready? ( beatboxing ) Yo yo yo.
Don't be a bully, "moolly, moolly" Stop it.
Don't say "mooli"! That's ass! I don't care! It doesn't matter.
Siana, it sounds good anyways, man.
Again.
( beatboxing ) Yo! Yeah.
I want to beat the shit out of every motherfucker Whoa whoa whoa! Hey, we're against bullying, remember? What's wrong, Sir? Boys: Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah.
I'm getting the bully beat.
Go.
Manu: Bully Jonah: Fobba-liscious! Listen to us Moses: I feel sad, I feel pain When you call me that name I'm a person just like you Don't be a bully Hey, bullies Listen up Stop walking around Thinking you're so tough ( grunts ) Just 'cause a kid's got A different color hair Don't mean you can be a bully Yeah yeah yeah You're gonna get busted For calling kids names The teachers get a note He'll write down all your names So don't be a bully Bully, bully! Fobba-liscious, listen to us Moses: I feel sad, I feel pain When you call me that name I'm a person just like you Don't be a bully! I feel sad, I feel pain When you call me that name I'm a person just like you Don't be a bully If a kid's being a pussy, just try to be nice Don't punch him in the head, just try to socialize Hi, what's up? We're Fobba-liscious What do you wanna do at lunch? You might become friends with kids you once thought were dicks Kick it with the dickheads, the dickety-dick dicks So don't be a bully, "moolly, moolly" Fobba-liscious, listen to us! That was sickie as, bro.
Oh, Sir, that looks awesome! That's good, Sir! You made us look gun as! That's looks mean as! Well done, Sir! I love your editing.
Yes, we're gonna win this, Jonah! We're gonna win it.
We're gonna win! ( chattering ) Hey hey, I'm gonna send it in straightaway.
This is awesome.
Yes! Yeah, man.
We're gonna win.
Ooh ooh ooh Ooh ooh ooh, ooh! ( chattering ) S'up, dox? Uh-huh.
Don't do the homework! Boys, don't do the homework, 'cause I'm not doing it! Yeah, school's so shit.
Love you, boys.
( music playing on radio ) Is that George? Yeah.
Hey, George.
Here's trouble.
Jonah: What are you doing? Cruising.
S'up, dox? What's up, brother? Boys.
Wanna see something pretty awesome? Moses: Yeah.
Yeah, what is it? Oh fuck! That's gun as.
Oh, that's sick.
What is it? Traditional Tongan machete, brother.
Sharpest shit out, ay.
Shit.
Can I hold it? Yeah, man.
Here.
It's pretty heavy, eh? Oh fuck, man.
Yeah, we don't know about it's an antique or something, but it was probably used to kill someone.
Oh, really? Fuck.
Yeah, bro.
Wow.
Hey, you guys wanna do something brave? Something that proves to us that you're real men? What, like something dangerous? Yeah.
Something that might kill you, man.
What? You scared or something? Someone might take you out, man.
Maybe.
What? ( scoffs ) Come one, Mr.
Tattoo Man.
Thought you were supposed to be some sort of warrior.
What are you scared of? Um, noth-- nothing.
I'm not scared of anything.
If you boys do this one brave thing for me, I'll let you take that machete home for a night.
Oh! Yeah, okay.
What do you want us to do? You ever played Flat Cat? No, what is that? Well, you lie on the road, right, as flat as you can.
but you don't move until I say.
When a car comes, I'll tell you to jump up.
You don't move quick enough, you're gonna get run over like a cat, then you'll become a flat cat, eh? I'll do it.
Yeah, I'll do it too.
And then we get to keep that? Yeah.
Okay.
Get on the road then.
Big boys.
Just here? Yeah, in the middle, bro.
All right, stay down.
There's a car coming.
Oh no.
Lie down.
Put your arms down, man.
No, don't move, stay.
Stay? Stay, man.
All right, get up, get up.
Go go go.
( tires screech ) ( Jonah breathes heavily ) All right, man.
( car honks ) Fuck! Sorry, car! ( both laugh ) That was fucking scary as! George: Shit, man.
You guys got balls, man.
( laughs ) Jonah: Whoa! We nearly got run over! You guys are brave, bro.
You guys are mental.
Don't matter, don't matter.
Respect, bro.
Respect, bro.
Yo, for that here's your prize, boys.
( chuckles ) We get to keep it? Yeah, bro, just for the night, man, all right? Take it home-- don't show anyone, all right? Put it in your bag, Moses.
Put it in your bag.
Be careful, eh? Yeah.
Honestly, bro, you guys did it, man.
Fuck, man.
You should feel my heart right now.
It's beating so fast.
Jonah the man.
Moses: Yeah.
Fuck that.
Melody: Hi, George.
Jonah: Melody, did you get all the glue off you? Yeah.
Hate you for making me do that.
It was gross.
( chuckles ) She likes you, siana.
I can tell, man.
You think so? Yeah.
You like her? Yeah, she's my cousin, but she's hot as.
( chuckles ) So what do we have to do to be in The Soldierz? What, you wanna be in The Soldierz, tough boy? You gotta do something braver than just Flat Cat, man.
That's how we all became Soldierz.
It ain't easy.
Anyways, man, catch youse up, bro.
I gotta go.
See you, Georgie.
See you, boys.
See youse, man.
Yeah.
See ya.
See ya.
We got a machete tonight.
We'll keep it under our bed.
Yes, we got it.
( mimics whoosh ) ( bangs ) Yeah.
That was scary as.
I know.
So do you wanna be in The Soldierz? Yeah.
Do you wanna be in The Soldierz? Yeah.
Jonah, Jonah, Jonah! Oh.
Get it out.
Oh, you were telling the truth! It's good, eh? Joseph: The principal here has dobbed me into the Catholic Education Office, so they're out here to make sure I tick all the boxes.
Sir.
( whispers ) Oh fuck, Sir.
( whispers ) Just fucking behave! You hanging out with my fat sister for? Are you desperate? ( boys laugh ) Georgie: You ready to do something brave? Woman: All jewelry off, into the trays.
Kris: The police called the school and I came here straightaway.
It looks pretty serious.
You're a pussy, bruz.
A fucking pussy.
If you can't speak nicely to the new inmate, just shut your mouth.
I had a call from "Feel The Beat," and you guys have been selected.
Oh yeah.
( laughs ) Jonah, we're getting out! We got in "Feel The Beat"! We're gonna perform in front of an audience! Fuck off, I'm saying goodbye to them! ( boys shout ) Go on! Fobba-liscious! ( theme music playing )
Jonah: Mr.
Joseph found out about our YouTube channel of bullying videos Joseph: "Fobba-liscious Bully Video 2.
" "Fobba-liscious Bully Video with spew.
" The whole lot of you are gonna end up in fucking juvie.
so we had to meet the new school youth worker for counseling Kris: Hey, boys, come join in! See if you can pick it up.
Grab a spot at the back.
but he was a homo.
Maybe just build a relationship.
A relationship? We're not gay, sir.
Yeah! ( shouting ) Jonah: Graydon and the rangas made fun of my break dancing It's fucking embarrassing, man.
You're so bad.
You can't dance for shit.
so I had to get revenge.
Joseph: Have a look at him! He's clearly a fuckwit.
I'm clearly a fuckwit! Shut up, Fob! At least I can read books.
That's enough of the racist thing, mate! Jonah: Piss off, ranga.
Jonah: And when Graydon's little brother picked on Moses Hey, Pooses! Fuck up, homo.
I tried to make the best bullying video ever.
This is called "The Ranga Roundup with Year 7 homo eating dog shit.
" Jonah! You fucking idiot! Fuck.
Shit.
Fuck.
I'm calling your father! Sir, I love you! I love you, Sir! ( theme music playing ) ( clicking, thuds ) ( monkey chatters ) "Screems" from da old plantation, non-stop ( vocalizes music ) Screems from da old plantation, non-stop ( vocalizes music ) ( over TV ) We watch it all just float away I see 'em all coming my way And now they wanna take my time I could tell 'em what's on my mind ( Jonah laughs ) Don't, faggot.
It was an accident.
Dad! Don't fucking say anything or I'll punch you in the vagina.
Jonah: 'Cause of the ranga incident Dad! Mr.
Joseph told my dad and I got grounded.
Turn that shit down! I live life like there ain't no today How you turn this shit off? Mary: Dad, Jonah's been-- Don't even say it.
Stop talking.
( TV shuts off ) Moses, we gotta get ready for bowling.
You're not going anywhere.
You're grounded.
Well, grounding's for homos.
You want a smack as well? No.
Do something useful with your life! ( softly ) Do something useful with your face.
My dad, he always wants me to be a priest or a rugby player or something good.
That shit's for homos.
( Jonah laughs ) What the fuck was that? Jonah: Nothing.
I didn't do it! Jonah.
( doorbell chimes ) Look, fuckhead, stop mucking around with the wall! You want to sit on your ass all day doing nothing? No, sir.
You're coming to work with me.
I'm not gonna go to work with you! I give you a uniform and you're coming to work with me! ( door closes ) I didn't-- I'm grounded! You can't take me to work.
Mr.
Takalua.
You've got a dick job.
Mary: Hey, go home, he's grounded.
Rocky: Hey, listen! Get ready to go to work with me! Otherwise your ass is gonna get red-hot when I smacked it! ( whispers ) Siana, are you coming or what? Your dad's mad as fuck.
Jonah: He's always mad as fuck.
Let's get ready, boys.
We're going bowling.
One for my ussos, two for the liability Three to change the world views There's little pools hearing this Four's the producer of tracks that ain't feeling it, five is for the Come on! ( laughs ) Shit.
Yo Safari, I see you! Some cats, they try to make a brother feel short Oh yeah, we on safari, catch my vile sickness, señor Dox, there's Melody.
Hey, dox.
Hey, Melody! Melody, what are you doing? Hey.
What do you reckon? Ohhh! Take it easy.
Wait for it.
Hoo-hoo! Oh yeah.
Melody! What? Come chill with me over here.
Sorry, girls, I'm taking her away.
Hey, you're losing.
Huh? You're losing.
You're not any better.
You look hot.
Thanks.
Have you eaten much today? No.
Why? It's-- the food's good here.
Hot chips are good.
Uh, I wanted to ask you something.
You know that assignment we've got to do in Design? Yeah.
Well, would I be able to papier-mâché you? What the fuck? Like your body? Like put papier-mâché on me? Why the fuck would you wanna do that? Yeah.
It's a sculpture thing.
Miss said we could do them.
I was gonna papier-mâché my dick, but Miss said no.
Uhm, whatever.
But I should get back to the game.
Okay.
Thanks for talking to me.
You do realize we're cousins.
Yeah, I know.
I don't care.
But, hey, before you go, I wanna tell you a joke, a bowling joke.
No.
What did the bowling alley do to my dick? Give me balls.
You're so lame.
It's a joke.
I made it up.
See you, Melody! Hey, Moses, ask if you can touch it.
Miss, can he touch the ball? Jonah: Moses is obsessed with the golden bowling ball.
You're touching $10,000, Moses.
( chuckles ) Jonah: It's this bowling ball, right, and they keep it on the shelf behind the counter and it's worth $10,000.
As if.
'Cause it's made of pure solid gold.
Bull! It is! No, it ain't.
Ask the manager.
We asked last time we were here.
It is.
Go ask the lady behind the counter.
You don't even know.
Oh, you can feel how expensive it is.
If it was worth that much, they wouldn't have it on the shelf like that.
Yeah.
They would have alarms and shit.
That's why they've got security.
Security guys.
Look, there's one over there.
Manu: Security is too chubby! Jerome: Oh shit, your dad, siana.
Holy fuck! Boys, go go.
Jonah, I'm gonna smack your asshole! Boys, boys.
Boys, come here, come here.
Come over here, you little fuckwit! Go down here.
Go down here.
If you don't come over here, I'm gonna kill the shit out of ya! Come over here right now! You can't go-- Come and get us, Dad! Come and get us! Oh yeah? All right then! Get away! Get away! Come over here! ( laughter ) You're dead, motherfucker! Dad! Dad! ( shouting ) Just get out of-- You can't do that here.
Get-- Jesus! Get off of me! Stop breaking the rules! I'm gonna break your dick when we get home! Oh yeah, if you do, you're a homo! Always thought you were one! Hunt: Okay, please put your smocks away, then please tuck your chairs in, guys.
( boys chattering ) Keep ripping.
Smaller strips.
How long is this gonna take to dry? It dries really quickly.
I'm gonna use a hair dryer.
I've just gotta do more on this area.
Stop trying to touch my boobs! You sicko! I'm not! I've just go to-- You've been doing it a lot.
The surface needs more work there.
Just stop.
Oh my goodness.
I can't help it.
I gotta do this-- just one-- Jonah, stop! I just gotta make it good! Siana, that looks good as.
You look hot in newspaper, Melody.
Hey, Jonah, do you need help? No! Don't fucking touch.
Melody: Yeah, fuck off.
She's my cousin! Only Jonah can touch me.
Yeah, only I can touch her.
Manu: All right then.
We're relations.
I'm the artist in this situation.
And stop trying to touch my boobs.
I'm not.
I'm just doing this bit.
You're still touching it.
I'm not even touching it.
I'm doing the middle bit.
Where's that snorkel? Put this in your mouth.
Do I have to? Really? Yeah, 'cause I've gotta do your face.
I'm doing the whole thing, feet to face.
( speaks indiscernibly ) Jonah: Okay.
Manu: Oh, look.
Oh.
Siana, that look like cum.
Oh.
Oh! That's what Jonah wants to splatter on her face for real.
( laughter ) Oh my God.
Jonah: Leave me be! Come on, come on, pack up please.
It's good art, isn't it, Miss? Yes, it's a fantastic sculptural form.
I want you to think about your process diary and your design brief.
Yeah, I know about it.
It's about my culture.
Yeah? It's about Tongan girl shapes and what they mean to me.
Okay, I'm gonna need more of an explanation than that.
You need a hug, Miss.
Give me a hug.
No.
No no no no no no no.
No no no no.
No, Jonah.
No, get off.
Just give me a hug.
That's all you need.
Jonah! Get off, Jonah.
Pack up, please.
Thanks, Miss.
Pack up.
Okay, girls, plug this in and dry it.
And when you're finished drying, just lift it off, put it on the table, put my name on it.
Here, I'll leave this with you.
Sonny: Hey, what's up, Mr.
Joseph? Mr.
Joseph! S'up, Sir? Jesus Christ.
How'd you wangle this? It's good art, Sir.
You don't know shit about art.
Yeah, Sir, you don't know shit.
It's a sculpture.
What are you in Design for? It's papier-mâché.
I'm here to escort you little pricks over to your first counseling session with Mr.
Fonua.
I figured you'd forget.
Manu: Mister who? We know where to go, Sir.
You don't need to take us.
Yeah, Sir.
We don't want to hang out with Kool Kris.
Yeah? Well, Listen, it was all part of the deal.
You're a bunch of bullies.
You need to learn the error of your ways.
Let's go.
Sir, don't take us there.
I know where his room is.
Promise? Yeah, trust us for once.
Yeah, Sir.
Don't fuck me around.
You go straight there, you hear me? We won't! Straight there! Straight there.
Definitely, Sir.
Go! Promise, Sir! See you, Sir! Joseph: Straight there! ( hair dryer whirring ) Moses! Moses, quick.
We gotta hide from Kool Kris.
He wants to counsel us.
Manu: Yeah.
When he comes, we can duck quickly.
All right, all right, hurry up.
Over there, hurry.
Down, boys.
Get down.
Oi, fellas! ( Moses giggles ) He's coming.
Kris: Come over.
Let's get started.
Let's go, boys! ( laughter ) ( chattering ) Get under-- get under the tables.
Get under.
( laughter ) Manu: Where is he? Where is he? Shh! Shut up! What are you boys doing? Sonny: Oh shit.
Nothing, Miss.
What are you doing? Mr.
Fonua is looking for you.
I've just walked past him.
Apparently you've an appointment.
Jonah: Yeah, we were going there.
Manu: We were going there, Miss.
You've got an appointment.
Off you go.
Yeah, we're going.
We're on our way there.
We're just stopping out there.
Hunt: Go on.
Sonny: We were just checking out the table.
Okay.
Manu: Love you, Miss.
( whispering ) We're gonna need to split up, go in separate directions if we're gonna lose him.
Manu: Yeah? Sonny: Let's do it.
All right, go go.
Split up, boys.
Let's go.
Different directions, boys! Sister, I feel sick.
I've got like stomach pains or some shit.
Oh, you poor thing.
Come on through.
We're going to sick bay? Well, maybe you need a glass of water, yeah? Yeah, I might have to lie down too.
You do feel like you have a temperature, so a little rest'll help, make you feel better.
Mmm.
Have you still got the tummy pains? Yeah, I think I might have food poisoning, sister.
Umm, and my head hurts too.
Oh.
Well, rubbing the head a little bit sometimes helps when it's sore.
Mmm.
Umm, my dick hurts too.
What?! Nothing.
I'm just-- I'm only joking.
Do you feel like you might throw up? No.
Oh, actually, yeah, I might.
Well, I'm gonna leave you to rest for a while, okay? Okay.
Now I'm only going to be over there, so call me if you need me.
I don't want you to go, but-- you stay, 'cause I'll be bored.
Well, I've got work to do.
I want to tell you some jokes.
Sister, sit down.
Sit down.
I want to tell you some jokes.
Just a couple of jokes.
Just-- come on.
You like my jokes and shit.
No, but no swearing.
No.
Okay, first joke.
Um, what did the school say when the teachers didn't come? "You're sacked, so get lost.
" ( clicks tongue ) Oh, that's silly.
It's not a swear word.
Umm what did the nun say to the priest? "Shut up.
" ( laughter ) Don't know why, but I like that one.
What did the old lady say to her face? "Shut your face, nun head.
" Oh, I don't like that one.
( laughs ) I'm just being silly.
I wasn't being mean, Sister.
Sister, can I do some rapping? Like freestyle rapping? Well, all right, but if that phone rings, I've gotta get it.
Can you beatbox? No.
Um, okay.
It's about Holy Cross.
I like Holy Cross, the teachers get cross Cross the road, Jesus on the cross You are a nun, you look quite good In your hood ( laughs ) How many nuns do you meet in your life? Probably none.
Get it? "Probably none.
" ( laughs ) I like the nun bit, yeah.
Same as "nun.
" ( knocks ) I do like the nun bit.
Boys.
Sister, we feel a bit sick.
Yeah.
What, all of you? Yeah.
Did you all eat the same thing? Yeah, I think it's the flu or something.
Oh my goodness.
Sister thinks we might have food poisoning, boys Boys: Yeah.
from the tuck shop.
Sonny: I think we do.
I haven't got enough beds for all of you, so you better just hop onto Jonah's bed and have a rest.
Hop on, boys! We'll share it up.
Thanks, Sister! Thanks, Sister.
Thanks for looking after us.
All right now.
We'll just chill here.
We'll let you know if anything bad happens, any medical emergencies.
I'll come back and check on you later.
We'll ring the bell.
Hopefully we don't have heart attacks.
We'll do four steps.
Boys: I'm your island boy Fuck, she fell for it.
You're my island girl, let's be together forever I'm your island boy, I kill a horse for you And we can eat it together Yeah yeah, hey, island girl, the skux is here Israel: What? I want to suck on your tits, so come here Yeah.
Take off your island skirt I promise it won't hurt.
Yeah.
Kris: Ah, here we are, boys.
Oh, we're sick as, Sir.
Oh, you don't sound sick to me.
I just heard some cool rapping and singing.
We've got food poisoning from the tuck shop! Yeah.
Kris: All right, look, you win this time.
Lunchtime's over, all right? But Mr.
Joseph told me you've got detention this afternoon at the horticultural center, all right? So we're going to meet for counseling, all right? Don't be afraid, guys.
I don't bite.
We don't have detention.
Fuck, no way.
I'm not afraid.
We just don't want to do it.
Yeah.
No, Sir.
Get up and go to class now.
Manu: You go to class.
Fuck shit.
( moans ) Fuck.
Sir, why do you have to be-- You're a dickhead.
Kris: Come on.
Flippin' hell.
Stop bullying us.
Asshole.
Hey, Sister! Bye, Sister.
We're feeling better.
Thanks, Sister! Thanks, Sister.
( laughs ) They're hopeless.
( chatter, laughter ) ( chattering ) What is this shit, anyway? Someone already dug here.
You have to plant it on the thing.
Don't take it out.
This is pretty fun, boys.
Look, see? It's boring and not fun at all.
Dox, you stuffed it up.
You put too much dirt.
Like this? Hey! ( grunts ) Fuck up! Stop messing with my work.
Don't hit my ass.
It still hurts from the weekend.
Did Dad give you a hiding, Jonah? Tongan dads, eh? Oof.
Manu: Yeah.
Show you.
Hey, garden's looking good, boys.
Keep going.
I was thinking maybe we could have a chat at the same time.
Don't wanna chat.
Kris: Hey, listen, today's more about just airing any issues you might be having with the school or at home.
You won't get in trouble for anything you might want to say, so just feel free.
It's more of a general get-to-know-you session.
Get to know my dick, Sir.
That sounds gay as, siana.
( laughter ) Fuck up.
Gay joke.
Sir, no one cares what you have to say, so enjoy talking to yourself, Krissy Church-head.
Look, man, I've been through some pretty shit times myself, all right? I'm hell tough.
You guys can say whatever you want to say, call me whatever you wanna call me.
It's like water off a duck's back.
Okay, you're a Christian homo dickhead and a shit dancer.
( boys laughing ) You said say anything.
See, I don't even care.
I was saying that kind of stuff to teachers when I was your age as well.
( boys mutter ) You're a dickhead.
( humphs ) Well, hey, listen, what about Mr.
Joseph? All right? What do you guys think about him? He's a knob-head.
No, fuck up.
He's a legend.
No, he's not.
He killed people in the army.
Manu: No, he didn't, you liar.
He did.
He told me.
You're lying.
Hey, have you guys thought about your future at all? Any areas of work you wanna get into? I want to go to uni.
Kris: Yeah? Jonah, you? Go to uni, but-- Well, uni's pretty hard to get into.
I'd love it if you got in.
We shouldn't rule it out.
What about the trades, guys? Any of the vocational trade training subjects interest youse? Metalwork's pretty good.
Yeah? Yeah.
I like papier-mâché.
Well, that's good.
That's art.
Maybe you could be an artist.
No, I'm a shit drawer.
Anyone else? Guys, I wanna talk about bullying, all right? You guys have been in trouble for bullying.
Why do you do it? ( scoffs ) 'Cause we dominate the school.
Yeah, we're the toughest in the whole school, so we have to remind people not to mess with us.
I don't think you do dominate, and I think you guys know it deep down inside.
We do.
So you guys try and pick on small kids just to make yourself feel better, am I right? No.
No.
I'm a Fob too, boys.
I remember what it was like in high school.
Yeah, but you would've been a nerd Fob.
Yeah.
We're way tougher than you.
I was saying that to teachers when I was your age as well.
I thought all my teachers were nerds.
No, you really are one, sir.
( laughing ) Sorry to tell you.
Hey, Mr.
Joseph tells me you've been in trouble with the law as well.
Is that right? Ages ago, but I'm good now.
Mm-hmm.
Shoplifting, tagging and stuff? Yeah, Jonah did the shoplifting to show off in front of The Soldierz.
Who are The Soldierz? Just these gun-as boys.
They're older than us.
Fob boys.
Yeah.
They're rich as.
What, and they encourage you to shoplift? Yeah.
They don't sound like good guys to me.
No, they are.
They're legendary.
All right.
Well, what about your dancing, guys? You guys are incredible.
Why don't you pursue that? Sir, we're shit.
We're shit as.
Yeah.
You saw the dance demo the other day.
We suck.
There's no way we'd ever be as good as those boys.
Yeah, but that's because you don't practice.
Listen, I guarantee you if you guys worked at it, you'll surprise yourselves.
I've seen you in the playing ground.
You guys are incredible, and your singing is awesome.
Moses, the tone in your voice, man, is beautiful.
I really-- I mean that.
I'm taking him to America to get a record deal.
Just gotta get $5,000 first.
Yeah, they going Qantas, business class.
Yeah.
Gonna get upgraded Going economy.
No, first class.
to first class.
It's better.
First class is better.
Listen, "Feel The Beat.
" Sir, that looks gay as.
Well, it's not, okay? Entries close soon.
You guys gotta sing and dance and do whatever.
All right? We're not doing it.
Why not? 'Cause we don't want to.
Guys, listen, the prize-- if you make it through to the heats, and then the state finals and make it to the nationals, the prize is a trip to America to work with industry professionals and to make contacts with people in the entertainment industry.
That's good for you.
How do we win it? Well, you've got to make a video clip entry, right? It's got to be an original performance with an anti-bullying theme.
All right? If they like your clip, you make it to the heats, and if you go through in that, you can make it to the state finals at the Sydney Entertainment Center, see? Well, we don't know how to do a video clip, Sir.
I do.
What do we have to do, like a song or some shit? Okay, well, this is what I suggest-- you guys work with me every afternoon this week, and we work on the song together.
We make a video clip and we send it in, see what happens.
Guys, this is an awesome opportunity.
What do you reckon, siana? Jonah and Moses: Suppose.
Manu: I reckon we should do it.
Kris: All right, strum me something.
Just strum anything.
Manu: Anything? Anything? Kris: Yeah.
Yeah.
Manu: So money.
Ooh, I feel so alone ( laughter ) Sir, that is the gayest thing you've ever done! Krissy, don't ever sing again, okay? What? Don't ever sing, cuz.
Listen listen listen.
Listen, this song has to have an anti-bullying message.
Fuck, that was funny.
Listen, I'm thinking maybe if Moses sings the hook, all right? This is all part of it, guys.
We have to encourage each other and learn how to just build each other up.
Don't try and-- It's gotta sound gangster though.
Yeah.
Sir, mean as.
I'm not doing that gay stuff.
Yeah, I don't wanna do a gay song.
All right, then what ab-- okay, then I'll do a beatbox and then you guys freestyle.
Yeah, drop us some beat.
Yeah, drop us some beatboxing.
Hit us with our beat, Krissy.
Okay.
( beatboxing ) Yo, G.
Ooh, Krissy Yo.
Don't be a bully! What a gay voice he's got.
( laughter ) Fuck off! It's good, it's good, it's good.
Keep going.
I'm doing-- I'm trying my best.
Yeah, that's it.
That's the point.
That's the point.
Ready? ( beatboxing ) Yo yo yo.
Don't be a bully, "moolly, moolly" Stop it.
Don't say "mooli"! That's ass! I don't care! It doesn't matter.
Siana, it sounds good anyways, man.
Again.
( beatboxing ) Yo! Yeah.
I want to beat the shit out of every motherfucker Whoa whoa whoa! Hey, we're against bullying, remember? What's wrong, Sir? Boys: Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah.
I'm getting the bully beat.
Go.
Manu: Bully Jonah: Fobba-liscious! Listen to us Moses: I feel sad, I feel pain When you call me that name I'm a person just like you Don't be a bully Hey, bullies Listen up Stop walking around Thinking you're so tough ( grunts ) Just 'cause a kid's got A different color hair Don't mean you can be a bully Yeah yeah yeah You're gonna get busted For calling kids names The teachers get a note He'll write down all your names So don't be a bully Bully, bully! Fobba-liscious, listen to us Moses: I feel sad, I feel pain When you call me that name I'm a person just like you Don't be a bully! I feel sad, I feel pain When you call me that name I'm a person just like you Don't be a bully If a kid's being a pussy, just try to be nice Don't punch him in the head, just try to socialize Hi, what's up? We're Fobba-liscious What do you wanna do at lunch? You might become friends with kids you once thought were dicks Kick it with the dickheads, the dickety-dick dicks So don't be a bully, "moolly, moolly" Fobba-liscious, listen to us! That was sickie as, bro.
Oh, Sir, that looks awesome! That's good, Sir! You made us look gun as! That's looks mean as! Well done, Sir! I love your editing.
Yes, we're gonna win this, Jonah! We're gonna win it.
We're gonna win! ( chattering ) Hey hey, I'm gonna send it in straightaway.
This is awesome.
Yes! Yeah, man.
We're gonna win.
Ooh ooh ooh Ooh ooh ooh, ooh! ( chattering ) S'up, dox? Uh-huh.
Don't do the homework! Boys, don't do the homework, 'cause I'm not doing it! Yeah, school's so shit.
Love you, boys.
( music playing on radio ) Is that George? Yeah.
Hey, George.
Here's trouble.
Jonah: What are you doing? Cruising.
S'up, dox? What's up, brother? Boys.
Wanna see something pretty awesome? Moses: Yeah.
Yeah, what is it? Oh fuck! That's gun as.
Oh, that's sick.
What is it? Traditional Tongan machete, brother.
Sharpest shit out, ay.
Shit.
Can I hold it? Yeah, man.
Here.
It's pretty heavy, eh? Oh fuck, man.
Yeah, we don't know about it's an antique or something, but it was probably used to kill someone.
Oh, really? Fuck.
Yeah, bro.
Wow.
Hey, you guys wanna do something brave? Something that proves to us that you're real men? What, like something dangerous? Yeah.
Something that might kill you, man.
What? You scared or something? Someone might take you out, man.
Maybe.
What? ( scoffs ) Come one, Mr.
Tattoo Man.
Thought you were supposed to be some sort of warrior.
What are you scared of? Um, noth-- nothing.
I'm not scared of anything.
If you boys do this one brave thing for me, I'll let you take that machete home for a night.
Oh! Yeah, okay.
What do you want us to do? You ever played Flat Cat? No, what is that? Well, you lie on the road, right, as flat as you can.
but you don't move until I say.
When a car comes, I'll tell you to jump up.
You don't move quick enough, you're gonna get run over like a cat, then you'll become a flat cat, eh? I'll do it.
Yeah, I'll do it too.
And then we get to keep that? Yeah.
Okay.
Get on the road then.
Big boys.
Just here? Yeah, in the middle, bro.
All right, stay down.
There's a car coming.
Oh no.
Lie down.
Put your arms down, man.
No, don't move, stay.
Stay? Stay, man.
All right, get up, get up.
Go go go.
( tires screech ) ( Jonah breathes heavily ) All right, man.
( car honks ) Fuck! Sorry, car! ( both laugh ) That was fucking scary as! George: Shit, man.
You guys got balls, man.
( laughs ) Jonah: Whoa! We nearly got run over! You guys are brave, bro.
You guys are mental.
Don't matter, don't matter.
Respect, bro.
Respect, bro.
Yo, for that here's your prize, boys.
( chuckles ) We get to keep it? Yeah, bro, just for the night, man, all right? Take it home-- don't show anyone, all right? Put it in your bag, Moses.
Put it in your bag.
Be careful, eh? Yeah.
Honestly, bro, you guys did it, man.
Fuck, man.
You should feel my heart right now.
It's beating so fast.
Jonah the man.
Moses: Yeah.
Fuck that.
Melody: Hi, George.
Jonah: Melody, did you get all the glue off you? Yeah.
Hate you for making me do that.
It was gross.
( chuckles ) She likes you, siana.
I can tell, man.
You think so? Yeah.
You like her? Yeah, she's my cousin, but she's hot as.
( chuckles ) So what do we have to do to be in The Soldierz? What, you wanna be in The Soldierz, tough boy? You gotta do something braver than just Flat Cat, man.
That's how we all became Soldierz.
It ain't easy.
Anyways, man, catch youse up, bro.
I gotta go.
See you, Georgie.
See you, boys.
See youse, man.
Yeah.
See ya.
See ya.
We got a machete tonight.
We'll keep it under our bed.
Yes, we got it.
( mimics whoosh ) ( bangs ) Yeah.
That was scary as.
I know.
So do you wanna be in The Soldierz? Yeah.
Do you wanna be in The Soldierz? Yeah.
Jonah, Jonah, Jonah! Oh.
Get it out.
Oh, you were telling the truth! It's good, eh? Joseph: The principal here has dobbed me into the Catholic Education Office, so they're out here to make sure I tick all the boxes.
Sir.
( whispers ) Oh fuck, Sir.
( whispers ) Just fucking behave! You hanging out with my fat sister for? Are you desperate? ( boys laugh ) Georgie: You ready to do something brave? Woman: All jewelry off, into the trays.
Kris: The police called the school and I came here straightaway.
It looks pretty serious.
You're a pussy, bruz.
A fucking pussy.
If you can't speak nicely to the new inmate, just shut your mouth.
I had a call from "Feel The Beat," and you guys have been selected.
Oh yeah.
( laughs ) Jonah, we're getting out! We got in "Feel The Beat"! We're gonna perform in front of an audience! Fuck off, I'm saying goodbye to them! ( boys shout ) Go on! Fobba-liscious! ( theme music playing )