Jonah From Tonga (2014) s01e06 Episode Script

1 ( screams ) Jonah: I got sent back from Tonga to start a new life and make my family proud.
He said, "Get fucked.
" ( hip-hop music playing ) Jonah: My new school, Holy Cross Catholic School, is mean as.
( shouting ) Boys, must be the rangas' heads making it hot.
At school, I got into a little bit of trouble You're too fucking slow, mate.
Fuck off, Sir.
Mr.
Joseph: Have a look at him.
He's clearly a fuckwit.
I'm clearly a fuckwit.
Sharpest shit out, ay.
then I did something stupid and we all ended up in juvey.
Moses! Fuck off me! Jonah: Moses left and I have to stay for six weeks on my own You're a fat bitch.
I will be a bitch if you speak to me like that.
All: Pretty young girl I want to touch your boobies but juvey's gun as.
All: Juve-liscious! Hey, Miss, guess what I'm touching right now.
Jonah: There's a few homos in here Why don't you go commit suicide to yourself? Because your mom wants to lick my balls.
She told me when she came to visit.
but the guards are nice, and I love it here.
( boys laughing ) Why did the boy eat the tampon? Boys: Why? 'Cause he thought it was a lolly.
I don't want you to fucking go.
Jonah! Therese: Oh, fuck.
Jonah: I missed my parole hearing because I got violent ( overlapping shouting ) and now I might not get out for a long time.
( theme music playing ) ( clicking, thuds ) ( monkey chatters ) ( singing in Tongan ) Jonah: I want to get out for lots of reasons.
'Cause I miss school, I miss Spaz House, I miss Mr.
Joseph and I miss my boys.
Okay, I'm gonna go inside with Aunty Grace and you guys wait here.
Jonah: And Moses needs me to look after him in case he gets bashed.
And I got "Feel Da Beat" area heats coming up.
So I need to get out to perform for that.
Manu: Moses, be careful.
They got electric fences, you spastic.
You're gonna get yourself killed.
Fuck up.
Jonah: 'Cause if we win the area heats, and we go to the nationals, and we win that, then I get to go to Los Angeles and that's when I can get Moses a record deal.
And if I'm good and responsible and stay out of trouble when I get out, my dad said he's gonna take me to Tonga to get my Takalua tattoo finished, which means I'm a real man.
That would be good, ay, Kevin? Yeah.
Actually, I wasn't listening.
It got boring.
No, no, no.
Hey, hey.
Not the nuts.
Not the nuts.
Fucking little shit.
Boys, the door's open.
I think it's Jonah.
Is it? Moses: Oh, no, it's not him.
If Jonah stays in, I reckon I should be the new leader of the crew.
Fuck that.
You're not gonna be the leader.
I'm gonna be the leader.
Bullshit.
Bullshit.
Your dick's gonna be the leader.
You can't even dance.
You can't be the leader if you can't dance.
That's the rule, bro.
Yeah, that's true.
Fuck up or I'll make you marry my fist.
Boys, the door! Someone's coming.
Might be Jonah.
Wait for me.
Manu: It's Jonah.
It's Jonah.
It's Jonah.
Moses! I love you! Hey, boys.
Fobba-liscious! ( boys cheering ) I missed the fuck out of you boys.
Israel: I fucking missed you, bro.
Let's go, boys.
See you, Miss.
Best guard ever! Love you, Miss.
Good luck to you, Jonah, and good luck in the competition.
I gather this is Fobba-liscious? Yeah, these are my boys, Miss.
Love you, Miss.
See you, Jonah.
Thanks for everything.
Kris: All right boys, we've got "Feel Da Beat" to win.
Let's get out of here.
( boys cheering ) Jonah: Fobba-liscious! ( upbeat music playing ) ( chattering ) Manu: Sir, when are we gonna start? Here's the running order.
S'up, Sir.
S'up, Sir.
Listen, Jonah, I've been chatting with your dad.
Did you tell him if you win this competition that means you'll be getting to university? Yeah.
So you lied to him? Yeah, but he's dumb as.
He wouldn't know, and he really wants me to go to uni.
Yeah, but it's not true.
Yeah, well, it doesn't matter.
I just want him to be proud if we win, Sir.
All right, look, we'll talk about it later.
Not cool to lie.
Sir, Sir-- if we win this, how many more heats before we go to L.
A.
? Look, like I said before boys, we have to win this heat first.
There's a lot more rounds before we get to the National Finals.
All right? Just think about here and now.
Let's just win this one, boys.
That's right, exactly.
Let's do it, boys.
Ladies and gentlemen, can we please get everybody to their seats.
The show's about to begin.
Emcee: Right now I'd like to welcome you all to the annual "Feel Da Beat.
" ( applause, cheering ) ( dance music playing ) All right, all right.
Pink Pearls.
Can we please put our hands together one more time? Nice job, girls.
Up next, we have a group of Year Nine boys from Holy Cross High School.
They go by the name of Fobba-liscious, they're about to hit the floor with their anti-bullying anthem "Don't Be A Bully"! Don't be a bully Fobba-liscious, listen to us All: I feel sad, I feel pain When you call me that name I'm a person just like you Don't be a bully I feel sad, I feel pain When you call me that name I'm a person just like you Don't be a bully Hey, bullies, listen up Stop walking around thinking you're so tough Just 'cause a kid's got a different color hair Don't mean you can be a bully, yeah, yeah, yeah You're gonna get busted for calling kids names The teacher's gonna know He'll write down all your names Don't be a bully, "moolly, moolly" Fobba-liscious, listen to us I feel said, I feel pain When you call me that name I'm a person just like you Jonah: Don't be a bully All: I feel said, I feel pain When you call me that name I'm a person just like you Don't be a bully.
( cheering ) Emcee: And our first runner-up for this year's "Feel Da Beat," we have Grouchy.
( cheering ) That's it, boys.
Okay, and finally the winner of this year's "Feel Da Beat," with a massive effort and a huge talent, they're going all the way to the regional finals-- We have the Pink Pearls.
( cheering ) Emcee: Well done, ladies.
Make some noise.
Well that wraps us up for this year's "Feel Da Beat.
" I want to hear some noise for all the contestants here at "Feel Da Beat.
" Kris: Uh, it's a shame.
You know, it's disappointing.
But they gave it 100% and I'm really, really proud of them.
They did really awesome.
I just don't want them to lose confidence, that's the only thing.
You know, they've done a lot to come this far.
It's fucked! It's hard to tell with these boys.
On the outside they're really tough but, especially in times like this, they're really quite fragile.
Jonah especially.
It's fucked up, Sir.
Don't hug me, you look like a homo.
Sir, that sucked.
We were way better than them.
Sir, you should tell the judges they fucked up.
Yeah, how am I gonna get to Los Angeles now, Sir? Look, it was about being involved, guys, and I thought you guys did incredibly well.
What am I telling my dad? Don't worry about it.
He'll be all right for now, okay? Let's go before I smash these little girls.
Let's go.
It's going to be all right, Jonah.
Don't worry about it.
Fucking sucks.
Fuck off, pedo.
Stop touching.
Kris: Although I wouldn't wish prison on any kid, I think that somehow it's done him some good.
He's come out a lot more focused on what he wants to achieve.
And somehow even more considerate of other people.
Jonah: We should have won.
It sucks.
Kris: Well, I made a deal with Jonah.
I said there'd be no more counseling sessions if he's on his best behavior for a month, and he seemed pretty keen to make that happen.
So I think it's going to be good to see how well he fits back in at school.
( funk music playing ) Siana, don't do it.
Don't do it.
Best behavior.
Oi, Pooses.
Hey, Pooses.
You want me to drop you, cunt? Jonah! Do you want me to take you on? Kris will make you do counseling.
Fucking homo.
Fucking pussy.
It's not worth it, dox.
You've gotta be good now.
Fuck up, ranga.
Kyton: You're a bitch.
You better run.
Jonah: Hey, Sister.
Sister, I'm back.
Well, hello, you.
Hey, Sister.
Good to have you back.
I've missed your little visits.
I've missed you, too, Sister.
You look good.
It must have been horrible where you were.
No, it was good.
Just went up to Queensland.
Dad went up-- he took us all up and we went to What a liar.
to Movie World.
Manu: Bullshit, siana.
Sister already knows that you were in juvey.
Bullshit I went to juvey.
Why would you go for six weeks to Movie World? 'Cause we had to drive up.
We were camping and we went to Sea World and Dreamworld, too.
Israel: What a liar.
Don't listen to him, he's lying.
You do like to tell a few furphies now and then, don't you, Jonah? Jonah: No, I don't What's a furphy anyway, Miss? It sounds like a fart.
No, it's not one of those.
I bet you like to do a few furphies in here when there's no one around, Sister.
A furphy is a little tale we tell sometimes when we don't want to tell the truth.
Manu: That's you, bro.
Sonny: That's Jonah, that's Jonah.
Sister, can I tell you a joke? A clean one, yes.
What did the nun call her head? The nunny nun-head.
( boys laughing ) Jonah: What did the nun do when she was in the office by herself? What? A fart.
( boys laughing ) See you, Sister.
I liked the first one better.
Boys: See you, Sister.
Jonah: I love you, Sister! Lovely to have you back, darling.
Mr.
Joseph: Well, what we got here, boys, is a pulse.
A current going through there, on and off.
All right, so that makes it flash.
( knocking ) Boy: Jonah's back! ( boys cheering ) Mr.
Joseph: Right-o, shut up, get over here and watch my demo.
Why so fucking late? Don't swear, Sir.
You should be happy to see me.
Right-o, I'm happy to see you.
Okay, you're back.
But I'm trying to give-- impart some fucking knowledge here to these numbskulls.
I love you, Sir.
I missed you.
Get the fuck off me.
Fucking faggot.
Sir! I've got anger issues.
I'll retaliate on you.
I'm so angry.
I'll have fucking anger issues in a moment if you don't pay a-fucking-ttention.
I'm paying attention.
All right, now-- Teach us something for once.
Oh, by the way, shit for brains, that little pussycat graffiti-- ( boys laughing ) Oh, yeah, very funny.
Had me walking all around the school looking for dicks, and there you are drawing pussy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Who told you, Sir? Yeah, well, don't try and change your tag either.
Because I'm too fucking clever for you, idiot.
My dick's too clever for you.
I'm not wiping it off, Sir.
You'll fucking do as you're told.
Give me a go of the electricity thing.
No, stay away.
This is dangerous current.
Look at it, look, look.
Your dick's a dangerous current.
Give me a go.
Ah! Fuck, Sir.
No swearing.
What have I told you about swearing in class? Don't do it.
Right.
Bit fucking weird for my-- They pushed me.
They pushed me.
Did you just-- did you just attack me? No! Fuck off.
What about you? You want some of it? Fuck off.
Don't electrify me.
Anyone else? No.
Okay, good.
Sir, put 'em on my nuts.
Put 'em on my nuts.
Oh, fuck.
Do it, Sir.
Do it! Don't tempt me.
( reggae music playing ) Miss Hunt: One of the finest pieces I've seen come out of Year Nine in a long time.
It's a brilliant sculpture and it's been chosen to represent Holy Cross at the inter-school Art Prize.
So, Melody, would you like to come at the front and explain your work to the class for me? Jonah: One of the shit things about being in juvey for so long is Melody, the hot girl that I like-- she got a boyfriend.
This is a papier-mâché body cast of my boyfriend.
And my themes are based on masculinity, the human form, and my Tongan heritage.
Miss, Miss.
She ripped me off.
I did one of her, she copied it.
Miss Hunt: No calling out, Jonah.
Jonah: It was my idea.
And you didn't even finish yours.
It was a big mess.
She's a copyright ripper-offer.
Miss Hunt: All right, guys, so you've all worked really well-- Stole my ideas, bitch.
Who's your boyfriend anyway? Not telling.
You have to tell me.
I'm your cousin.
I'm not going to, so sucked in.
You can tell he's got a small dick from the bulge on your sculpture.
Miss told me to make it small, so it didn't offend people.
It's actually massive in real life.
Oh, that's disgusting.
How do you even know? Did he show you? Yeah, Jonah.
It's called having a boyfriend.
Why don't you go marry him then? That's a cool insult, because maybe I will one day.
He's way hotter than you.
Your face is hotter than me.
Um, I know.
Shut up.
You sound like an idiot.
Jonah: But, one of the best things about coming out of juvey is that everyone thinks you're a gangster.
How you doing? Jonah: Rangas Like, even the rangas, they think I'm a school legend now because I've been to juvey.
I was on kitchen duty, and I wanted to-- I wanted to get a knife.
But the knife drawer, they keep it locked, so I carved a knife out of a carrot.
A carrot? Yeah.
A carrot.
And it was a frozen carrot and so it had a really sharp point.
And then, when the guard walked past, I pushed him up against the wall-- this abo guard-- and I cut-- you know that bit of your ear, the flippy bit? I cut that bit off and it started bleeding, and he bled so much that he almost died but he survived.
They stitched it back on.
Tyler: That's legendary, mate.
Yeah, I was the biggest legend in prison.
Jonah: And even though I'm getting along with the rangas, I still hate Graydon.
Jonah, Graydon wants you teaching him break dancing.
Fuck off.
As if.
And I hate Graydon even more now, 'cause he's going out with my fat sister.
Show me some of the moves that you learnt in jail, dude.
I didn't learn anything.
What are you going out with my fat sister for? You're sick.
Don't call her fat, mate.
I really like her.
I really like her, dude.
Just teach him moves, Jonah.
Jonah, you and me brothers, man.
I'm not gonna have a ranga brother, so that's not happening.
I'm pretty keen to have a juvey gangster as a brother.
So teach me some shit, man.
Come on.
Mary: Come on, Jonah.
He's family now.
Just one move, man.
Come on.
Jonah: Teach your dick a move.
I'm not showing you shit.
Mate, how do you do this move, right? I saw you do it the other day.
You can't do it.
With the knees and you spin around.
Jonah: You can't do it.
You look like a spastic.
Teach me, mate.
You gotta lead into it.
You gotta do that.
And then you go down.
And then you go around.
And then, boom.
So how do I go down? Like-- Nah, you can't do it.
Don't touch me, ranga.
Girl: Bye, Miss.
Okay, bye-bye, girls.
See you later.
Jonah: They're all fucking gay boys.
Jonah: Some things have changed, and some things are not as good as they were.
Bye, Miss.
See you, Miss.
Bye-bye, boys.
See you later.
See you.
What the fuck? ( car playing loud music ) Jonah: Melody, she's getting in George's car.
Jonah, Melody is going out with George.
Yeah.
We didn't want to tell you.
Sorry, man.
He stole her from you easily.
Jonah: Melody! Melody! Is he the papier-mâché thing? Yeah.
Jonah: Well, guess what? I'm going out with Miss Hunt now.
We're lovers.
Get off.
Me and Miss Hunt are going out.
She sucks me off better than you ever could.
Jonah, that is disgusting.
Go home! Sorry, Miss.
I was only joking.
Sonny: We were just joking, Miss.
Manu: So sorry, man.
( upbeat music playing ) ( boys talking ) ( sniffles ) Sir, what's happening? Why is all our shit outside? Sir, are we moving classrooms? Jonah: What the fuck, Sir? Why you taking our shit? Right-o, just-- Now you blokes are all here.
Just gather round, I'll-- I'll let you know what's going on.
Are you punking us, Sir? No, mate, I'm not.
This is for real.
( clears throat ) So ( sighs ) I've known for a little while but I didn't want to worry you blokes.
The Catholic Education Office has deemed that Lazarus House is unsatisfactory.
And it seems that I'm of no benefit, so they've decided to close us down after nine years.
Israel: That's fucking shit, Sir.
Are you serious? ( sighs ) Today's my last day at Holy Cross.
What about us, Sir? You can't leave us.
Manu: What's gonna happen to us? You blokes will be integrated back into the normal classes.
You'll still be able to do your TVET subjects, so don't worry about that.
You'll just be doing them with everyone else.
It's-- it's all sorted.
That's shit as, Sir.
We can't be in normal classes.
We're too disruptive to other students.
Are you definitely not bullshitting us? No, mate.
It's not bullshit.
This is my last day.
When I leave here, that's the end of it.
You won't see me again.
Manu: He's serious boys.
We're fucked.
That's fucked, Sir.
We love you too much.
We want you to stay.
Yeah, let's not get too gay about this.
We're just going to say goodbye in a manly fashion with a handshake.
Boys, let's sing a song for Sir.
Yeah.
Come on, boys.
"Alu a koe.
" What's that? It's a traditional farewell song.
We sing it when someone goes away.
Yeah.
( strumming ) ( boys singing in Tongan ) ( grunts ) Fucking shit.
Don't get me, Sir.
I certainly won't miss that shit.
We're trying to sing.
Shut up, Sir.
( singing continues ) Kris: Can I get the Lazarus House boys to your feet, please? As of Monday, these boys will be integrated back into normal classes, as Lazarus House will be closing.
If you happen to see them in your classes, please make them feel welcome.
It's not an easy transition for them.
So please reach out, be as warm and considerate as you can be.
Thanks very much, guys.
Take a seat.
Could I see Jonah, Manu, Israel, Sonny-- and where's Moses Takalua? Come up here, Moses.
You guys, come join me at the front please.
Now, last weekend these boys competed in the "Feel Da Beat" talent competition and they performed their original anti-bullying song, "Don't Be a Bully.
" Now, they put in a massive effort to write this song and rehearsed despite being split up for some time.
They also put 100% into their performance and I was extremely proud.
Now, these guys didn't win, but that's life.
It's what happens sometimes.
But what I wanted to do was to read out something in reference to these boys-- a quote from the great Nelson Mandela.
"We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us.
It's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give people permission to do the same.
" Now, despite what you guys might think of yourselves right now, I believe that you are genuinely, incredibly brave, wonderfully talented, generous, and loving boys that I'm honored to know.
Keep striving for your best and keep letting your light shine.
You should be extremely proud of what you've achieved this term.
Thank you, Sir.
( applause ) ( kids cheering ) Jonah: This term's been gun as.
Me and the Fobba-liscious boys, we dominate the playground more than ever before.
We're still the sickest cunts in the whole school.
Boys, Fobba-liscious.
All: Fobba-liscious.
Boys, where's my moisturizer? And it's good because Mr.
Joseph's gone, now I can do my "dicktation" tag.
I've been doing it everywhere and I don't even get busted.
And I've been telling some teachers that Graydon has been getting into tagging lately and to look out for dicks.
You know Graydon? I saw him running out of the toilets before.
and he looked really guilty I think he had black ink on his hands.
Did you boys see that? All: Yeah.
Jonah: Hey, Sister Monica? Sonny: Go, go now.
( groans ) Fuck, Sister.
I fucked my leg.
Only joking! I didn't.
( laughing ) Yeah! Got you, Sister! Sucked in.
Sorry for swearing.
Sister! Jonah: I miss Mr.
Joseph a lot but being in normal class is good because we get to do science, and my favorite subject in science is astronomy.
Sir, what page? What page? My very easy memory-- Sir, what planet is this one? The one with the crater.
One moment, Jonah.
Can you get a stiffy in space, Sir? Jonah: The other day, we got to go on an excursion to this telescope place.
And we got to see galaxies and shit and I asked Sir some really good questions.
There's the Milky Way and shit.
Yeah, it's a most amazing thing-- Fuck.
I think I just saw a comet, Sir.
Is there a comet? I saw a comet.
Uh, you might have.
Sir, how come I can't see Tonga? Well, it's not in space.
Is it, Jonah? Oh, yeah.
Jonah: And in our class, if you're really good at astronomy then you get to go up.
Sir picks you to go up and look at the models.
I'm really good at astronomy, but Sir never picks me.
Teacher: I'll need a volunteer.
Sir, pick me, please! Sir, please! ( boys shouting ) Uh, Tristan, come up here.
Fucking homo.
Fuck.
Jonah: And there's a competition for-- They're picking one kid in Western Sydney to go to NASA, which is in America, to see spaceships and shit if you're really good at astronomy.
And so if I'm really good at astronomy and I win that trip, then when I'm over there I'm gonna get a record deal for Moses while I'm there.
Sir, I want to show you some stuff.
I want to name all the planets.
Jonah: Sir, I know them.
Mars Jupiter What's the other one? Uranus.
Uran-- ( laughing ) He said Uranus! Sir! Sir, he said Uranus.
Uranus is one of the planet things.
Sir, has a man ever landed on Uranus? ( laughing ) No interruptions.
Others are trying to learn.
Sir, has a dick ever been up Uranus? ( laughing ) Teacher: That's Jupiter-- Sir Sir um Do men like Uranus? ( laughing ) Go to the rugby one.
Jonah: Oh, that's it.
Jonah: Home's good, too.
I've been doing all my homework, I've been really good.
I got new school shoes, too.
These are my new shoes that my dad got me.
They're much better.
More responsible shoes.
Look at this kid.
Jonah: And I even did my own art assignment that I made up.
I made sculptures.
I papier-mâchéd Sister Monica's arm, and I even papier-mâchéd my dick.
I keep 'em on the mantelpiece.
Everybody, dinner is ready.
Go back.
Go back.
Rocky: Hey, come on.
Let's eat.
Dinner time, shit head.
Don't eat it.
You're fat enough already.
Eat my shit.
Eat my shit with a knife and fork and put it in your mouth, bitch.
Jonah: And another thing, Moses got a laptop 'cause of his learning difficulties, from school.
And it's gun as because me and Moses, we photoshopped some photos of my head onto some other ones to trick my dad.
Hey, Dad, come check this out.
Jonah: And now, because of the fake photos, my dad thinks that I'm captain of the rugby team, Dux of Year Nine, president of the SRC, and assistant to the priests.
This is the science award.
This is all the best science kids in school-- me and this boy.
I'm so proud of you, mate.
Jonah: But the best thing of all, is because my dad thinks I'm all responsible now, he's taking me to Tonga to get my Takalua tattoo finished.
He thinks I'm a real man now.
( reggae music playing ) Hi, everyone at Holy Cross.
This is a video of my brother Jonah in Tonga getting his tattoo finished.
As you can see, he's being a bit of a pussy.
( tattoo gun buzzing ) Ow, that kills.
Moses: Don't cry, you pussy.
Fuck off.
Piss off.
Say something.
I don't want to be filmed.
Move the camera away from me.
Moses: Just say it to everyone at school.
I don't want to be filmed.
It hurts like a motherfucker.
Stop swearing.
Respect your uncle, or I will smack your asshole.
It fucking hurts.
I mean, it pucking hurts.
It's not a swear word.
Ah! Fuck! What did you do that for, you fucking homo? ( speaking Tongan ) It kills.
Dickheads.
Cousin Aisi: It's to take your mind off your tattoo.
Your balls hurt more than your arms.
( laughing ) Fuck off.
Is it nearly over? ( speaking Tongan ) It's almost done.
Moses: All right, now, just say something to everyone at school before you're finished.
Hi, everyone at Holy Cross.
Hi, Sister Monica.
Hi, Kool Kris.
Um, this is me getting my Takalua tattoo, and when it's finished I'm gonna be a real man.
Cut.
Moses: Okay.
( speaking Tongan ) Cousin Aisi: It's finished.
Oh, it's finished.
( laughs ) Oh, it looks gun as.
Give us a look.
It looks like a dick.
Oh ( Moses laughing ) It looks like a dick! That looks gay as.
It means you're a real man now, son.
You got the real Takalua tattoo.
But it looks gay! That's what fathers gives to their son when they're ready to become a man.
I don't want this tattoo.
Don't laugh.
At least I've got tattoos.
You're a little pussy.
You see, Aisi got one, your Uncle Mamafu got one, and I got one, too.
See? Oh, yuck! You didn't tell me you had a dick on your ass.
That's disgusting.
Yes, son.
I don't want to have a dick on me.
You got a dick on you.
We all do.
Jonah ( speaking Tongan ) All Takaluas have a dick on them.
Rocky: That's a Takalua style.
I like it.
It looks good.
Rocky: I love you son.
I love you too, Dad.
Ah, fuck.
Careful.
Ooh, sorry.
Sorry.
( Moses laughs ) Sorry.
Hey, Moses, one day you'll have a dick on you, too.
You will! No! Dad, thanks for letting me get my tattoo.
No, no worries.
I told you-- ow! You fucking little shit! I'm gonna get you ( shouting ) ( theme music playing )