Life Unexpected (2010) s01e05 Episode Script

Turtle Undefeated

Previously on Life UneXpected.
You and someone had a kid.
You gave up that kid.
I am that kid.
And now I'm applying for emancipation.
- From the people who adopted you? - From foster care.
Cate Cassidy, that's your mom.
I am Cate Cassidy.
Ryan and I have been up since 5:00.
You never even told me I've got a kid out there.
Why would I? You wouldn't even admit that she existed! - Who are you people? - My birth parents.
I am not granting you emancipation.
I'm releasing you back into their temporary joint custody.
You have a daughter? You can't handle paying rent.
How you gonna handle having a kid? Hi, Brynn.
So, boarding school? San Francisco? Jerry Garcia? You just made all that up? Thanks to you, the whole school knows everything about me and they all think that I'm this gigantic liar.
How would you feel if everyone knew your secret? Hey, Portland! Having a good time tonight? Crossing your fingers for a date with Cate or Ryan? Raise your glass, everyone.
They're engaged.
To each other.
I'm not a perfect mom.
But this is my best and so at some point you're just gonna have to take it or leave it.
* She don't lie * * In bed at night * * Staring at the ceiling * * She don't wait to begin * Keep walking, Bong Girl.
Foster Freak.
The bitch posse still riding you? Yeah, turns out lying about my entire life then getting busted at school, not the best way to make friends.
Who cares? You don't wanna be friends with those donuts, right? Yeah, no.
Who all's coming tomorrow night? I wanna keep it small.
Oh, just us, a couple of Jones's friends from the football team.
Oh, but don't worry: there won't be any compulsive-lying fake blondes there.
I disagree, Lux.
Her ass is way bigger than her mouth.
Don't.
It'll just make it worse.
Dude, nice Norton.
- You know bikes? - Yeah.
Hey, you're the girl who sold Brynn the bong lamp.
Yeah, sorry it got confiscated before she gave it to you.
No worries.
She felt so bad about not having a present, she's letting me throw a party at her house.
It's gonna be sweet.
Right, babe? Gave me some leverage so, thanks.
Let's go.
I wanna say bye before my parents leave for the airport.
Forget them.
Tash and I have a surprise for you.
Really? What? You'll find out tomorrow night.
Picking you up at seven.
Eight, seven six, five, four, three two, one! Churros down.
Eight churros in a minute! Stick that in your loser pipes and smoke it! You're a freak of nature.
It's like he doesn't even chew.
You guys have had fried Twinkies, fried Snickers and something that looks like fried butter.
Ugh, sorry, what's the point of this? Besides suicide by carnie food? The other night we made a butt-load of cash on that Drink-A-Date thing.
And then it came to me.
Bam, we should be an event place.
It's money in the bank.
That's why we're here, to get ideas.
No more eating competitions.
I feel like I have a food baby.
Did I see a Daiquiri stand back there? Where?! Hey, you guys, I need ten jackpot ideas by the end of the night.
Jackpot, not crackpot.
These guys are goofballs.
You don't wanna leave, do you? I still gotta beat you at air hockey.
No, I don't wanna leave.
The sooner the night ends, the sooner tomorrow begins and I'm back to sucky reality and sucky school.
Those girls? They still giving you a hard time? Everyone treats me like I have the social bird flu.
Except for this guy, Jones.
But he's just some jock.
Just some jock? - Football? - Quarterback.
Now we're talking.
Okay, I'm not bragging, but when I was a Quarterback, a friend of mine was a friend of Westmonte's.
So, get in good with this Jones guy Bam! School's your oyster.
If we were in high school together, would we have been friends? Hmm.
That's a tough call.
See, I didn't like girls who'd beat me at air hockey and then do this, like, obnoxious little victory dance.
When you stop losing, I'll stop dancing! Yeah?! And tonight playing the part of the overbearing, worried parent.
Worried about what? You.
It's after midnight.
Okay.
On a school night.
You should have called.
Cate, relax.
What's the point of giving you a cellphone if you don't use it? I mean, I had no idea where you were.
I told you, I was with Baze.
Yeah, well, Baze is an overgrown man-child.
You know, this is the third night in a row that you've hung out with him.
What'd you guys do? We went to an amusement park, ate 36 churros talked and came home.
We had fun.
Kind of like when we went window-shopping for handbags? I'm gonna go to bed.
I thought we had fun.
I'm fun.
Today's topic is chemistry.
Why some people just don't have it and others have in spades.
We have, uh, Lisa from Beaverton on the line.
You are on the air.
What about you and Cate? You both sound like totally different people.
Now suddenly you're engaged? Ryan, you sound so laid-back and fun.
Cate sounds so intense.
Is there a question here? When did you realize there was chemistry between you? Well, before Cate became this big-time radio host and neurotic mom, she was a party beast.
You see, I knew she was special when we were at this event in Kansas City.
She shows up to my hotel room, blasted on tequila, and she asks me if I wanted to see her do this trick with her Okay, maybe that's not a good story for the public.
No, actually, uh it was on our first date.
She said something sweet, rare, I know, and, uh well, she put her hand on mine.
And I felt it.
That connection.
That charge.
I knew there was something between us.
Sound about right, Cate? Here's a question.
Why is there a premium on fun? It doesn't make you a better partner or parent.
In fact, being a good parent automatically means you're less fun.
It's a zero-sum game.
Uh, yeah, I don't think that means what you think it does.
Take me.
To my kid, I'm a bad, boring cop because I believe in school nights and purse shopping.
But her dad? A barely upright orangutan with a chronic bed-head? He gets to be the fun one and fill her with junk food like he's bought stock in diabetes.
Explain that to me.
What? Are you trying to get the show cancelled? 'Cause our listeners, they're still trying to adjust to the fact that their fun, single buddies, Ryan and Cate, aren't fun and single anymore.
And you griping about your baby daddy drama isn't helping.
- It's real.
- So is cancer.
Look, our listeners, they want to live vicariously through you.
Zany, slutty, boozy Cate.
Just get back in there and don't get us fired.
Oh, and happy birthday to me, by the way.
All I got was a Slanket from my husband, frozen yogurt coupons from my stepkids, and a best friend who forgot.
I didn't forget.
Hmm-mm, totally got you something.
What? How about a girls' night out with zany, slutty, boozy me? Bong Girl, if your homeless boyfriend talks to me again, I'm telling school security.
I felt sexually objectified.
You're wearing pants that say "Juicy" on the ass.
Okay, don't kill me, but my parents' flight got cancelled and they're not leaving till Sunday night now.
So, where are we supposed to party? I already told the guys.
Maybe we could party at Lux's.
Oh, wait, doesn't juvie hall lock down after dark? Actually, if you want to party, I've got a place.
- Seriously? - Yeah.
My dad has a loft over his bar.
On Third and Clover.
- You sure he'd be cool with it? - Wait, what? Yeah, totally, he's cool with anything.
He used to be Quarterback, too.
Awesome.
You're a lifesaver.
All right, you guys, it's time to think big, okay? It's game-changer time.
What is one of the coolest things a bar can do to get butts on the stools? - Turtle racing.
- Wet T-shirt contest.
Come on.
I have a teenager daughter, I can't have a bunch of women in T-shirt's.
- So now we can't have any fun? - Men can't have fun without being degrading? No, no, look, I got it.
I got it.
I got it.
A Freedom Thursday.
Thursday night.
Half the guys in town get held hostage by their girlfriends and wives 'cause they're watching: So You Think Me and My Plus 8 Kids Can Dance or whatever girl crap's on.
Right, and so they come here instead.
Where there's Thursday night football and half-time is happy hour.
There you go! See that, unlike turtle racing, that is an actual thought.
We just need a couple of those My cousin, Boogie, can install them for, like, nothing.
Okay, awesome, how much is a TV? About four grand.
- How much is a turtle? - A buck 75.
And you need the pail, too, though.
That would be me.
You guys keep thinking.
Hey.
What's this? Rent two weeks early.
I know you had some concerns about me opening this place but I just wanna show you, Dad, I'm figuring things out.
And Uh, I got a new business plan.
Events.
What events? Turtle races.
Hey.
'Sup, Gramps? Uh, so can I have some friends over to the loft tonight? Friends from school? The jock? - Sure, yeah.
- Awesome.
That's it? As her father, you don't ask one leading question? It's a parenting choice.
Unlike you with me, I actually trust my kid.
Wow.
Well, your parental instincts are about as strong as your business model.
What grown man relies on reptiles to bail himself out of a financial mess? You have to think before do things.
You got a brain up there.
Use it.
You know what? I've got it covered.
Ok.
The bar, Lux I I've got it covered.
So thank you for your help, but no thank you.
Red or black? which one says "more fun and carefree"? The red one is kind of sluty.
Red it is.
You wearing that? Yes.
I will be wearing whatever says: "Stop calling me Foster Freak".
Well, in that case, I would not go with the orange.
H-How come you didn't want to have the party here? You know, it's a lot roomier.
Yeah, well, Baze's is just more casual.
It's not a big deal or anything, just Jones and a couple of kids from Westmonte.
Mm.
Glitter eye shadow? That's a lot of effort for a party that's not that big a deal.
It's a little deal.
Ok? I've never actually thrown a party before.
You kidding? Hmm-mm.
Oh.
Y-You want some money, you know, for sandwiches or sodas? I think Baze has got it covered.
Oh, uh, I'll get it.
- Hey! - Hey.
Uh, hi.
What are you guys doing here? I told you, Tasha and I had a surprise for you tonight.
Oh I-I, um completely forgot.
We thought you could use cheering up.
I got us tickets to a drive-in movie theater in Newburg; they're showing Shaun of the Dead.
Gavin even managed to get a car.
Oh.
I can't go.
Why not? Um because I-I'm not feeling that great.
Yeah, there's something going around school, and I have the worst headache, and-and-and My throat, feels like it's on fire.
Lux! We're leaving for Baze's in 5mn.
Oh yeah, Cate, she's going out tonight and wants Baze to keep an eye on me.
You know her, overly concerned, overcompensating mother.
It's my fault.
I should have checked with you before.
No Tash, this is beyond awesome.
I can't believe I'm missing it.
But you guys should go.
Yeah? You don't mind? No.
It's okay.
Go without me.
I'll be fine.
- Bye.
- Bye.
It's to the point.
It's a revelation.
Man, I can't believe I haven't thought of that before.
All right, what about you? You psyched to have your friends over? "Psyched" is strong.
Does "slightly barfy" count? It's going to be great.
Really.
Okay? Jamie.
We are going to rock it tonight.
Yeah, man.
Totally.
So, other than handing out flyers, what else did you do for publicity? What's that now? You know, online ads, uh, local radio spots.
Dude, how else are people going to know we even have turtle races? You know what? You know what? That's negativity talking.
That is my dad talking.
Tonight is going to go great.
Turtles, and they didn't cost a dime.
I rescued them from the science wing.
Thought they'd rather be here than surrounded by hormonal teenagers feeding them gummy worms.
They're alive, right? They're conserving their energy, like athletes do.
Well, do they ever exert their energy like athletes do? This one only has three legs.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Hey.
Come on in.
Seriously, this place is juveniler than my brother's dorm room.
I smell deodorant and corn dogs.
This place is awesome.
So much better than Brynn's place.
Oh, my gosh.
Pool table, Pinball machine.
A beer pong table? - Lux, this place is unreal.
- Thanks.
All right, where's the beer? Didn't you bring your own? You said your dad owned a bar.
I thought getting booze wouldn't be a problem.
Of course, there's no booze.
What did we expect? She's lying Bong Girl.
Dude, I-I thought that's why you offered up your dad's pad.
Wait.
Give me five minutes.
It's still early.
Party people don't start the rounds till 9:00.
Okay, so people pick their turtles, set them in the start zone and All right.
Ready.
Set.
Go! This isn't good.
We should take the three-legged one out.
It's bad for morale.
No.
Bolt stays.
You named him Bolt? After Usain Bolt, three-time Olympic gold medalist.
It's positive reinforcement.
We're so screwed.
Hey.
- Can I have the storeroom key? - Sure.
Why? I need some chips and sodas for my friends.
Or I can give them the expired milk and leftover Manwich in your fridge.
All right.
Okay, okay.
Just make sure your friends stay out of the booze, okay? No problemo.
- Hey.
That one just move.
- Yeah, backward.
This place? Well, the wine bar was so loud and crowded.
This is where we're celebrating my birthday? We are just swinging by, because the tapas bar, it's like, you know, five stores down.
We're not just stopping by.
You're using your strange fake casual voice.
Please tell me that this is a surprise party and that people are hiding.
Hi, everybody! Hey, hey! Hi to you.
I can't believe you guys are here.
- You heard about the turtle races? - What? I'll be at the bar.
You are a natural.
There's no way this is your first time.
I'm a quick study.
- All right, next, we're trying online poker.
- All right.
Oh! All right.
Come on, Goldilocks.
- We got them on the run.
- All right.
- Oh! - Yes! Yes! Hey goldie locks.
Feeling better? Hey, please.
This is not what it looks like.
Oh, so you're not hosting a party that you didn't invite us to? - What, you and Abercrombie are buds now? - I feel like an idiot.
We actually brought you chicken soup and a Shown of the Dead DVD.
I'm sorry.
Now I just want to shove them down your freaking throat.
- Hey.
You up for another game? - Not right now.
Beer pong.
Let's do it.
Uninvited street urchins versus Abercrombie & Bitch.
All right, first race of the night.
Final pick, lets go! Wow.
Okay.
Ready.
Set.
Go! - Geez.
Go.
- Wow.
They're not moving.
Man, this place is dead.
The used bookstore is getting more action.
So, go outside and hand out more flyers.
Ah, what's the point? Maybe my dad was right: I'm an idiot and this night is a bust.
All right, you need to shut it with the whining.
Failure is not an option.
You know who you are, Baze? You're the three-legged turtle no one thinks has a shot.
But he isn't giving up, and neither should you.
Come on, Bolt! Let's do it up! - Yes! - Guess I'll get more flyers.
Hey! Cate.
Where are you going? - Uh, ladies' room.
- Really? 'Cause you're headed to the back stairs, which leads to Lux's party.
- Really? Oh.
- Mm-hmm.
Maybe I'll just stop in and say hi.
No, no, no.
You don't think I can be trusted to have a high school party, and you're checking on me.
Maybe I just want to have some fun at the party.
Yeah, right.
Do me a favor: buy a drink, bet on a turtle, and stay out of my loft.
That's not beer, is it? I'm young.
I'm fun.
I'm young.
I'm fun.
I'm young.
I'm fun Hey.
We need a fourth for beer pong.
Oh, yeah, no.
I can't even remember the last time I played.
Try the '80s.
You know what? I'm in.
Awesome! All right.
Let's go.
- Bring it on, bitches! - Yeah! - Bitches! - Yeah! Just admit it.
You want to get in with the kids at your shiny new school.
That's not it at all.
You thought we'd make you look bad.
Oh, my God.
Hi.
Hi.
So you went with the orange, huh? What are you doing here? I thought I'd, you know, just check out your party.
Look, Baze said I could have people over.
I don't need you policing the place.
Why is everybody calling me the police? I am not the police.
I mean, I am the old school monster truck! The beer goes right to your head, huh? Is it cool if we just, you know, hang? Cate, everyone here is half your age.
No, it's not cool.
Hey! No.
That is Math's.
Give it to me! Ladies, come on in.
We've got two-for-one specials.
What? Hey-o, turtle races! Turtle races that are tearing up the joint.
We got turtle races that are tearing up the joint.
Come on.
Oh, hell, no.
All right, everyone out! All right! Party's over.
Everybody out.
What the hell is going on? Lying to me, having half your class here and trashing the place is bad enough.
But sneaking a keg? Do you know how much trouble I could have gotten into? I-I wasn't thinking.
Damn right you weren't thinking.
They could shut the bar down.
And kids throwing crap out of the window somebody could have been killed, Lux.
And what are you doing? Why didn't you come and get me? - I'm sorry.
- You're sorry? That's it? You got to think before you do things, Lux.
Don't be stupid! You have a brain.
Try using it! I told you guys this was going to be a disaster.
Hey, you okay? Your dad looked pissed.
- Yeah, I'm fine.
- Too bad the party had to end there.
No reason it has to.
We can always move it.
Move the party? Where? The drive-in movie at Newburg.
It's off the radar.
No one will bother us there.
Sounds great.
I'll drive.
Uh, you-you've had a few.
I can drive.
Ah, sure, okay.
Uh, but let me grab the guys, okay? Come on, babe.
Come on.
Bug.
What are you doing? Giving your new friends a night they won't forget.
Hey! I-I cannot believe you.
How could you not come and get me? Okay, fine, I should have gotten you.
I'm the worst parent ever! Happy? No, not really.
God, couldn't you have just been bad cop for one stupid night? What happened? Where's Lux? With Bug.
- Yeah, her boyfriend stole my car.
- What? I'm calling the police.
Don't-don't call the cops.
We'll find them.
I know where they're going.
The drive-in in Newburg.
Well, let's track them down.
And you, stay put and do not call the police.
You can't just steal someone's car because you're mad at me.
I told you, we're borrowing it.
You need to turn this car around and get it back to Jones.
Abercrombie? Why do you care about his car? - You got a thing for him? - No! I-I was just trying to you know, fit in a little.
What, 'cause you threw a party, you think you're one of them? You can pretend for the rest of high school, but then what? Maybe you graduate? You won't get into college like the rest of them.
You've been to 13 schools.
Your grades are crap.
I hope being a jerk to me is making you feel better.
I'm taking a cue from those kids you like so much.
They treat you like crap, you throw them a party.
Tash and I have always been there for you.
You cut us out the first chance you get.
I don't know who you're trying to be, Lux, but you're never going to be one of them.
Never.
Let me do the talking.
Let me do the talking.
Hey! I am a minor.
Watch it with the touching.
Okay, Officer! This is all a really big misunderstanding.
Ma'am, you are going to need to take a step back.
Hey.
We're her parents.
Okay? We can explain everything.
I mean, if you could just listen to us for a second.
Cate, I wouldn't do that.
It's fine.
I got it.
Officer.
Hi.
Let's be cool, man.
Okay, physical harassment of an officer is immediate grounds for arrest, honey.
Uh, hey, bro, there's no there's no need to be rough here.
All right.
Oh, okay, um, when you get to the station, call Ryan.
If he's not there, call Alice.
She's at the bar! You never ever touch a cop.
What? Go, Bolt! Go! Go! Come on, buddy.
One step at a time.
For the win the Bolt! And the first runner-up, Turbo! Yeah, baby! That's how we do it! I tried calling the bar, and no one is picking up.
I guess Ryan is asleep already.
I left him a message.
I know.
It's all my fault.
What do you want me to say? Thanks for being ashamed of me and Bug? Tash, not telling you about that party had nothing to do with you.
It was me.
I wanted to see what it was like.
You know? To be one of those kids.
One of those kids that you and I used to make fun of.
Regular, normal kids whose biggest worries were breaking curfew or winning at beer pong.
I didn't invite you, not because I'm ashamed of you.
I'm ashamed of me for wanting it.
I get it, okay? Just don't leave me behind.
Never.
Yo, man, can we get out of here? Or what? Sorry, kid.
Unless a guardian or relative shows up, you're stuck.
There's still one person I haven't tried yet.
No, seriously, what was that move when you pinned me to the hood? 'Cause I did not see you coming.
That's a little Krav Maga.
I spar on the weekends.
Keeps me sharp.
- It's working, man.
- Thanks.
- I'll catch ya later, bro.
- All right, man.
Hey! Hey, uh, when can I get another phone call? What? I don't get it.
I mean, people, they love you.
You-you have this weird magnetism thing.
Ever since high school.
It's no wonder that Lux likes you better.
Come on.
She thinks of me like I'm her screw-up older brother.
At least she respects you.
She doesn't want anything to do with me.
You should have seen her face when I walked into her party.
Cate, put yourself in her shoes.
How would you feel if your mom crashed one of your parties in high school? Okay, I never had a party in high school, so You think Lux thinks of me as as a mom? You are a natural mom.
Me? I mean, I try to be her friend, I get punked, and then I yell at her like a jackhole.
Lux deserved it.
Except maybe the part where you called her stupid.
Stupid.
It's my dad's nickname for me for the last 17 years.
You know, it's one thing, not being as good a businessman as my dad, but I thought that if I ever had a kid like Maybe that's why I just like being Lux's friend.
Because I'm afraid that if I that if I'm a dad I'll be him.
You don't have to be your dad.
You just have to be a dad.
I mean, the bond that you have with Lux already? - Most people would kill for that.
- Yeah.
I mean I would.
You know, maybe your dad's kind of like me, stuck in this position he can't get out of.
Stuck being bad cop.
Just wishing His son wasn't a moron? Wishing that he could get a second chance.
Yo, Baze.
Um, Ms.
Cassidy, Mr.
Bazile.
A gentleman just posted bail for you.
Oh, thank God.
It's Ryan.
Well Thanks, Gramps.
Dad, I just I want to say I'm sorry.
For what? Me having to bail you out of jail in the middle of the night? For endangering my granddaughter? For letting me pay for your college education only to have you squander your potential? Yeah.
That.
Hey, go talk to him.
Dad, uh, listen.
I know this parent thing Uh, it's a lot harder than I thought.
And it got me thinking, how you and I are? That can't be how you wanted all this to go.
So, what I am trying to I mean, how about a reset? Like, do you want to just come in for a beer? It's getting late.
I got to get back home.
Hey.
How'd it go? He couldn't get away fast enough.
At least you tried.
- Cate! - Ryan.
What-What are you doing here? Uh, I got Lux's messages.
Alice even called.
She didn't know what happened to you.
Oh, my God.
She's gonna kill me.
You weren't picking up.
I called the station.
I'm sorry.
Oh, God.
I can't believe that you came all the way down here.
Glad I did.
- We should probably take Lux back home.
- Yeah.
Oh, um, I'll meet you outside.
I'm not so sure what to say.
Me, neither.
I mean, if the cops come, I lose the bar.
If the state finds out, I lose you.
I shouldn't have stolen that keg.
I shouldn't have yelled.
I don't want to be that guy.
You're not, Baze.
You're not your dad.
He's not all bad, though.
Maybe he's just one of those old school dads who can only show love by hitting you on the head, or something.
Yeah, or he just likes hitting me on the head.
When I told him that you were in jail, the first thing that he asked was if you were all right.
He loves you.
He just shows it different.
- Good night.
- Good night.
You pretending to sleep so we don't have to talk? Maybe.
Okay, well, don't worry.
I'll try to not get too maternal on you.
I arranged for Bug's bail.
He's gonna have his court appearance on Monday.
Cate Thank you.
I'm sorry about everything.
I don't know what I was thinking.
At least you weren't playing beer pong with people half your age.
Better than playing the real-life version of Grand Theft Auto.
Bug he was never really going to steal that car.
He's a good guy, deep down.
Okay, if you say so.
Yeah.
I do.
Oh, you should have seen it.
It was a massacre of epic proportions.
Here's to Bolt.
At least one of us had a good night.
Hey, guys.
I couldn't sleep and I didn't want to disturb your mother, so, maybe I'll take you up on that beer after all.
Yeah.
I got it.
I got it.
Coming right up.
So, how'd the turtle races go? Oh, they're not as, um, not as profitable as we'd hoped for.
But, oh, come on, Dad, I can still afford to buy you a beer.
It's not for the beer.
It's for a turtle.
You up for a race? Of course, you bet.
Which one do you want? I'll take this three-legged one.
Root for the underdog for a change.