Lucas Bros Moving Co (2013) s01e03 Episode Script
Before & After Models
1 Good morning, Lucas brothers.
Oh snap.
I totally forgot we had a roommate.
Oh oh! You boys ate all my cereal! Can't you read? This says "Jean Claude's fruity holes.
" Not Lucas brother fruity holes.
You need to buy me more fruity holes! Uh, no can do, Jean Claude Van Damme.
- We ain't got no money right now.
- We're broke.
Yeah, no one's hired us to move anything in weeks.
If you're looking to get hired, maybe you should begin by shaving your beard, covered in fruity holes.
Just look at you two.
You're disgusting.
- Nope, not gonna happen.
- We're never shaving our beards.
- Never.
- Never ever.
Never ever ever.
Jerrod: No, your Haitian roommate's right.
If you ever wanna make that cereal money, - you're gonna have to shave your beards.
- For real? Think about the Wayans brothers Damon, Marlon, Shawn, Keenen Ivory! None of them have beards! And if it worked for the Wayans brothers, it's gotta work for the Lucas brothers.
- Jerrod, that logic is impeccable.
- I know we said we would never shave - And never means never.
- At some point never comes to an end.
- Absolutely.
- And that point is now.
Oh yeah, we gotta shave now.
1x03 - Before & After Models I never thought this day would come.
See you later, beard.
Bye-bye, beard.
- Rock-a-bye, beard.
- See you in hell - See you in hell, beard.
- See you in beard heaven.
All right, my turn.
Hey, hold up, dude.
I think we're moving too fast.
Maybe we should take my face on a test drive before you shave, you know, to see what the streets got to say about it.
That's a great plan.
The streets are always right.
Always.
Keef, what are the streets saying about the shaved face? The streets are pretty quiet, my friend.
They haven't said much.
They haven't said anything.
Oh wait, I think I hear something.
The name's Mr.
Dream.
"Mr.
Dream.
International modeling agent.
" - Dude, you're a modeling agent? - Yeah.
And I wanna take you guys to the top.
- Wait, the top of what? - Top of the modeling world, baby.
- Both: Whoa.
- Yo, dude, this is at least $20.
Try 20,000.
Those are thousand-dollar bills, bitch.
And that's only the beginning.
Hey, Kenny, if we become international supermodels we can buy Van Damme those fruity holes we owe him.
- Sounds like a plan.
- Perfect! Come with me.
Come on in to my live-work loft, Lucas brothers.
This is where Mr.
Dream lives and works.
This is amazing.
Mr.
Dream, your camera.
Now let's make some dreams.
Do you want us to stand next to each other or - Are we done - Yet? - Did we - Did we do it? Mr.
Dream: This might be my greatest work yet.
Now I want to show you something that's really going to blow your minds.
Follow Mr.
Dream.
Hey, Mr.
Dream, after you show us what you're gonna show us, can you drop us off at the grocery store? Yeah, 'cause we gotta pick up some fruity holes for our roommate Jean Claude Van Damme.
Oh snap, it's a rooftop party.
This roof is awesome, right, Kenny? Kenny? - Gentlemen, your champagne.
- Oh, I love champagne.
Esteemed guests and shareholders, tonight we usher in a new era of the Shave-a-man 3000.
You have now entered the smooth zone.
- This is so crazy, right, Kenny? Kenny? - I've never slept with a guy on a billboard before.
As you can see, the billboard is already working.
- More champagne, Mr.
Lucas? - Don't mind if I do.
We gon' to make tons of money.
We top of the bill now yeah yeah, respected and built now came up 20 streets That was a crazy party last night, wasn't it, Kenny? W what's the matter? You lose your voice? Oh damn, I see the problem.
You're not there.
Hey, Van Damme, you seen Kenny? Ah look, it's my famous model roommate! Now that you are famous you must have money to go buy me fruity holes! Yeah, as soon as I find Kenny we'll go pick some up.
Maybe he passed out at the live-work loft model party.
Mr.
Dream modeling agency.
Mr.
Dream speaking.
- It's me, man, it's Keef.
- Oh, Keef, how you enjoying being an international supermodel? It's cool, man.
But have you seen Kenny? - Yeah.
He here with me.
- Oh, that's great news.
Can you tell him to pick up some fruity holes on the way home? Sorry, Keef, but Kenny won't be comin' home today.
Oh word? Then can you ask him to pick up a box of fruity holes tomorrow? I don't think you understand.
Kenny ain't never coming home.
- Wait, why? - We can't just have Kenny's bearded ass walking around on the streets.
He's a before.
You a after.
If people were to see you two together, people would know the Shave-a-man 3000 is a fraud, That the smooth zone doesn't exist.
And if people don't believe in the smooth zone, then what the they gonna believe in? Now you'd better shave that stubble.
We got a big payday ahead of us.
Oh snap.
- Yo, Jerrod.
- An international supermodel's in the building, everybody! Hey, Keef, where's Kenny? I named a drink after y'all! It's called "the Lucas brothers makin' money like the Wayans brothers" drink! Mm, it's actually really good, - but Kenny's in trouble.
- Oh no, Kenny's in trouble? - Mr.
Dream got him.
- Oh no, Mr.
Dream's got him? - You know Mr.
Dream? - Know him? I lived and worked with him in his live-work loft during the great fubu campaign of 1995.
- For real? - Yeah, I was his #1 model.
Then he replaced me with that no-good son of a bitch LL Cool J.
Wait, Jerrod, if you lived and worked with him in the live-work loft, then you can get me into the building so I can save Kenny.
Yeah, I can, but once you're inside, you've got a bigger problem.
Mr.
Dream's got this place wired with a state-of-the-art 8-bit security system.
To save your brother you're gonna have to beat it, bit by bit.
Up up, down down, left right, left right, B, A, start.
Yo, Kenny, where are you? Oh snap.
Kenny! Okay, come on! Oh, that was a close one.
Keef: Ahh, oooh! Who wants to go? Huh huh? Uh-oh.
Cool.
- Dude, you're alive.
- I know.
Now let's get out of here and get Van Damme those fruity holes we promised him.
Not so fast, Lucas bitches! I thought I was crystal clear, Kenny can never go home.
Yo, Keef, it really looks like there's no way out of this one.
Don't worry, Kenny.
I have a plan.
Hey hey! Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! - What are you doing with that? - You see, Kenny, if you shave, we'll both be afters.
He won't be able to tell the difference.
And he wouldn't possibly kill the face of the Shaver 3000, the biggest supermodel in the world.
That's an excellent plan, Keef.
Hand me that razor.
Whoa whoa whoa.
Put down the razor.
- You can't do that.
- I'm gonna do it! You don't understand.
The world has had two befores before, and the world has had a before and an after before.
But never before has the world - had two afters before! - What? No one could possibly know the cosmic implications of two afters existing at the same time in the same place.
It could be catastrophic, cataclysmic, calamitous.
Are you willing to take that chance, Kenny?! - Yep.
Just did it.
- What!? No no no no no-no.
No-oooooo! I think that dude is probably dead.
Hey, what's up, Time Cop.
Oh-oh, did you two sale-puis buy me my fruity holes yet? Yup, we spent all the money we made as international supermodels to buy you a lifetime supply of fruity holes Wayans-brothers style.
Oh my god, you crazy.
- Yo, what's wrong, man? - Man, I really wish I had my beard back.
I miss mine too.
But guess what I did for you.
- What'd you do? - After you shaved I saved all your beard hair.
- Oh word? - Yeah.
- Guess what I did for you? - What? - I saved all your beard hair too.
- No way.
- I did.
- Perfect.
We gotta make a promise, man.
- What's that promise? - We gotta promise never to shave again.
You know, not not never in the now sense, but never in the you know, the longer sense.
- Unless we have to.
- I like that.
- A'ight.
- That's compromise.
I think that's a great compromise.
Fubu runs the fashion world for real fubu, the look style, the vibe, the feel fubu, the clothes got mass appeal they best that ever did it, I'm just keeping it real uh, fubu, uh-uh-uh uh, fubu.
Oh snap!
Oh snap.
I totally forgot we had a roommate.
Oh oh! You boys ate all my cereal! Can't you read? This says "Jean Claude's fruity holes.
" Not Lucas brother fruity holes.
You need to buy me more fruity holes! Uh, no can do, Jean Claude Van Damme.
- We ain't got no money right now.
- We're broke.
Yeah, no one's hired us to move anything in weeks.
If you're looking to get hired, maybe you should begin by shaving your beard, covered in fruity holes.
Just look at you two.
You're disgusting.
- Nope, not gonna happen.
- We're never shaving our beards.
- Never.
- Never ever.
Never ever ever.
Jerrod: No, your Haitian roommate's right.
If you ever wanna make that cereal money, - you're gonna have to shave your beards.
- For real? Think about the Wayans brothers Damon, Marlon, Shawn, Keenen Ivory! None of them have beards! And if it worked for the Wayans brothers, it's gotta work for the Lucas brothers.
- Jerrod, that logic is impeccable.
- I know we said we would never shave - And never means never.
- At some point never comes to an end.
- Absolutely.
- And that point is now.
Oh yeah, we gotta shave now.
1x03 - Before & After Models I never thought this day would come.
See you later, beard.
Bye-bye, beard.
- Rock-a-bye, beard.
- See you in hell - See you in hell, beard.
- See you in beard heaven.
All right, my turn.
Hey, hold up, dude.
I think we're moving too fast.
Maybe we should take my face on a test drive before you shave, you know, to see what the streets got to say about it.
That's a great plan.
The streets are always right.
Always.
Keef, what are the streets saying about the shaved face? The streets are pretty quiet, my friend.
They haven't said much.
They haven't said anything.
Oh wait, I think I hear something.
The name's Mr.
Dream.
"Mr.
Dream.
International modeling agent.
" - Dude, you're a modeling agent? - Yeah.
And I wanna take you guys to the top.
- Wait, the top of what? - Top of the modeling world, baby.
- Both: Whoa.
- Yo, dude, this is at least $20.
Try 20,000.
Those are thousand-dollar bills, bitch.
And that's only the beginning.
Hey, Kenny, if we become international supermodels we can buy Van Damme those fruity holes we owe him.
- Sounds like a plan.
- Perfect! Come with me.
Come on in to my live-work loft, Lucas brothers.
This is where Mr.
Dream lives and works.
This is amazing.
Mr.
Dream, your camera.
Now let's make some dreams.
Do you want us to stand next to each other or - Are we done - Yet? - Did we - Did we do it? Mr.
Dream: This might be my greatest work yet.
Now I want to show you something that's really going to blow your minds.
Follow Mr.
Dream.
Hey, Mr.
Dream, after you show us what you're gonna show us, can you drop us off at the grocery store? Yeah, 'cause we gotta pick up some fruity holes for our roommate Jean Claude Van Damme.
Oh snap, it's a rooftop party.
This roof is awesome, right, Kenny? Kenny? - Gentlemen, your champagne.
- Oh, I love champagne.
Esteemed guests and shareholders, tonight we usher in a new era of the Shave-a-man 3000.
You have now entered the smooth zone.
- This is so crazy, right, Kenny? Kenny? - I've never slept with a guy on a billboard before.
As you can see, the billboard is already working.
- More champagne, Mr.
Lucas? - Don't mind if I do.
We gon' to make tons of money.
We top of the bill now yeah yeah, respected and built now came up 20 streets That was a crazy party last night, wasn't it, Kenny? W what's the matter? You lose your voice? Oh damn, I see the problem.
You're not there.
Hey, Van Damme, you seen Kenny? Ah look, it's my famous model roommate! Now that you are famous you must have money to go buy me fruity holes! Yeah, as soon as I find Kenny we'll go pick some up.
Maybe he passed out at the live-work loft model party.
Mr.
Dream modeling agency.
Mr.
Dream speaking.
- It's me, man, it's Keef.
- Oh, Keef, how you enjoying being an international supermodel? It's cool, man.
But have you seen Kenny? - Yeah.
He here with me.
- Oh, that's great news.
Can you tell him to pick up some fruity holes on the way home? Sorry, Keef, but Kenny won't be comin' home today.
Oh word? Then can you ask him to pick up a box of fruity holes tomorrow? I don't think you understand.
Kenny ain't never coming home.
- Wait, why? - We can't just have Kenny's bearded ass walking around on the streets.
He's a before.
You a after.
If people were to see you two together, people would know the Shave-a-man 3000 is a fraud, That the smooth zone doesn't exist.
And if people don't believe in the smooth zone, then what the they gonna believe in? Now you'd better shave that stubble.
We got a big payday ahead of us.
Oh snap.
- Yo, Jerrod.
- An international supermodel's in the building, everybody! Hey, Keef, where's Kenny? I named a drink after y'all! It's called "the Lucas brothers makin' money like the Wayans brothers" drink! Mm, it's actually really good, - but Kenny's in trouble.
- Oh no, Kenny's in trouble? - Mr.
Dream got him.
- Oh no, Mr.
Dream's got him? - You know Mr.
Dream? - Know him? I lived and worked with him in his live-work loft during the great fubu campaign of 1995.
- For real? - Yeah, I was his #1 model.
Then he replaced me with that no-good son of a bitch LL Cool J.
Wait, Jerrod, if you lived and worked with him in the live-work loft, then you can get me into the building so I can save Kenny.
Yeah, I can, but once you're inside, you've got a bigger problem.
Mr.
Dream's got this place wired with a state-of-the-art 8-bit security system.
To save your brother you're gonna have to beat it, bit by bit.
Up up, down down, left right, left right, B, A, start.
Yo, Kenny, where are you? Oh snap.
Kenny! Okay, come on! Oh, that was a close one.
Keef: Ahh, oooh! Who wants to go? Huh huh? Uh-oh.
Cool.
- Dude, you're alive.
- I know.
Now let's get out of here and get Van Damme those fruity holes we promised him.
Not so fast, Lucas bitches! I thought I was crystal clear, Kenny can never go home.
Yo, Keef, it really looks like there's no way out of this one.
Don't worry, Kenny.
I have a plan.
Hey hey! Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! - What are you doing with that? - You see, Kenny, if you shave, we'll both be afters.
He won't be able to tell the difference.
And he wouldn't possibly kill the face of the Shaver 3000, the biggest supermodel in the world.
That's an excellent plan, Keef.
Hand me that razor.
Whoa whoa whoa.
Put down the razor.
- You can't do that.
- I'm gonna do it! You don't understand.
The world has had two befores before, and the world has had a before and an after before.
But never before has the world - had two afters before! - What? No one could possibly know the cosmic implications of two afters existing at the same time in the same place.
It could be catastrophic, cataclysmic, calamitous.
Are you willing to take that chance, Kenny?! - Yep.
Just did it.
- What!? No no no no no-no.
No-oooooo! I think that dude is probably dead.
Hey, what's up, Time Cop.
Oh-oh, did you two sale-puis buy me my fruity holes yet? Yup, we spent all the money we made as international supermodels to buy you a lifetime supply of fruity holes Wayans-brothers style.
Oh my god, you crazy.
- Yo, what's wrong, man? - Man, I really wish I had my beard back.
I miss mine too.
But guess what I did for you.
- What'd you do? - After you shaved I saved all your beard hair.
- Oh word? - Yeah.
- Guess what I did for you? - What? - I saved all your beard hair too.
- No way.
- I did.
- Perfect.
We gotta make a promise, man.
- What's that promise? - We gotta promise never to shave again.
You know, not not never in the now sense, but never in the you know, the longer sense.
- Unless we have to.
- I like that.
- A'ight.
- That's compromise.
I think that's a great compromise.
Fubu runs the fashion world for real fubu, the look style, the vibe, the feel fubu, the clothes got mass appeal they best that ever did it, I'm just keeping it real uh, fubu, uh-uh-uh uh, fubu.
Oh snap!