Lucas Bros Moving Co (2013) Episode Scripts

N/A - Sister Sister Sister

1 2x05 - "Sister Sister Sister" [Whistling] We finally did it, Jerrod.
What's that, brothers? We spent every last dime we had and bought an ad in the paper.
The Greenpoint Times, bitch.
This is gonna be great for your moving business.
Damn, this is a really tasteful ad, brothers.
[Harp music plays] Oh, and look at this! You're in good company.
They got you right between the ads for Jake's Junkyard - and Kevin's Book Store.
- Oh, snap! Kevin's hosting a book reading with the twins from Sister, Sister, tonight.
And they're reading from their memoir, Memoir, memoir.
- Cool! - I normally don't condone book readings, but we gotta go to this.
Sister, Sister is our favorite show about two identical twins separated at birth, who are inexplicably reunited at a clothing store at the mall.
[Phone buzzes] Oh, look.
A customer.
- Lucas Bros.
Moving Co.
- Hello, customer.
What do you want? I just saw your ad.
So well designed.
Thanks.
That means a lot coming from a customer.
- All right, bye.
- Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Hold on a second.
- What up? - I was wondering, can you move me, tonight? No can do.
We're going to a book reading.
I knew that ad was gonna work.
[Glass clinks] Yeah, I know.
I'm not arguing.
Yeah, I know you're not arguing.
I'm just - I'm saying it as a point of emphasis.
- Oh, okay.
[Engine starts up] Hey, what's up? I'm Kevin, and this is my book store.
I sell books! Growing up watching Sister, Sister, I always knew it was great television, But I believed it would make an even better book.
And now, without further ado, # Sister, Sister # make some noise.
Crowd: Books! Books! Books! Books! - Hi, I'm Tea.
- And hi, I'm Tamora.
We would like to start from the beginning, when we - were separated at birth.
- And how years later, we inexplicably ran into each other at a clothing store at the mall.
[Clears throat] - Chapter one.
- Season one.
Chapter five.
Season five.
And that's when Tamora screamed, "Go home, Rodger!" The end.
[Applause] - Thank you.
- Thank you guys forever.
Hey, for anyone that's interested, the sisters will be signing their books now.
- Hey, Tea.
- Hey, Tamora.
Both: Hey, Lucas Brothers.
Wait, what? You know us? Yeah, of course.
We saw your ad in the paper.
Are you guys doing anything later? - Nope.
We got nothing going on socially.
- Or professionally.
We canceled all of our moves to be with you guys, tonight.
Oh, great.
Wanna go grab some dinner? Both: One, two, three, not paying! Both: Aww.
Here's a toast to Tea and Tamora, two sister who taught us how to be black twins in America.
[In unison] Aww, you guys are so cute! [Laughing] [Romantic music swells] [Phone buzzes] Lucas Bros.
Moving Co.
Hi.
You guys gotta move me.
I mean, I'm moving because of that ad.
Nah, we can't move you, tonight.
We're about to kiss Sister, Sister.
Oh, that's okay.
I'll call you ba [Music resumes] Quadruple your sentiment your merriment quadruple your moment of fun quadruple your delightment with the right mint for refreshment, it's the only one quadruple your pleasure quadruple your fun that's the statement of the great mint quadruple mint gum Tea and Tamora, this has been the best night of our lives.
- Totally.
- We've done everything that two sets of twins could possibly do.
Well, not everything Maybe we should go upstairs? - Oh, okay.
- Would it be cool if we come upstairs with you guys, too? - Yeah.
Yes, you took our bait.
- Uh-huh.
Okay, cool.
Whoop! [Saxophone music plays] [Alarm buzzing] - Hey, sister.
- Hey, sister.
Where are the Lucas Bros? I don't know.
Do you know where they are? I have no idea where they are.
- Oh, I know.
Because it's Tuesday - Oh my god, it is Tuesday.
They probably went to move their van to the other side of the street.
- Oh, the street.
- 'Cause it's street cleaning.
Those guys are so responsible.
- So responsible.
- They're just always keeping the street so clean.
Such good boys! The Lucas Bros.
are constantly impressing us.
- I feel like they're good to their mom.
- They're so good to their mom! - You know what we should do? - We should surprise the Lucas Bros.
by making them a complete and balanced breakfast.
Griddle twins! Wait, what's this? [Both gasp] [Distorted voice reading] - Oh, snap.
- She's back! It ends where it all began.
Good morning, Lucas Bros.
- Why are you upside down? - I'm not.
You are! [Maniacal laughter] - Hey, look at that.
- Oh, snap.
Are those the sharks from Deep Blue Sea? I sure hope so.
It's always been my dream to get eaten by the shark that ate Sam Jackson.
Hey, you remember when LL Cool J turned into a shark for that music video? Maybe one of the sharks is LL Cool J, and the other shark is the one that ate Sam Jackson.
I wanna get eaten by the one that's LL Cool J.
No, you called the one that ate Sam Jackson.
- I get to get eaten - Shut up! Don't you want to know who I am? And why I'm doing this to you? I mean, it sounds like you're gonna tell us anyways.
So, I guess.
Yeah, sure.
Why not.
I'm Tiara! - The third sister! - Wait, what? I was supposed to be famous just like Tea and Tamora! It was supposed to be all three of us on network television! All right, get this.
Three identical twins separated at birth, who are inexplicably reunited at a clothing store at the mall.
We'll call it Sister, Sister, Sister.
Yes, I love it! Everyone loved it.
They ate it up.
Except for one person.
And what do you think about that, Emmy winner and cultural icon Jackã©e? Eww.
That is too many sisters.
You heard Jackã©e, we gotta get rid of one of them.
Which one? Hmm? Zip! That one! [gunshot] Boom! She's dead to us.
That's how Hollywood works, people.
Yes, I love it! So, while my two identical sisters shot to the top of Hollywood stardom and the NAACP Kid's Choice Award goes to Sister, Sister I was left behind, only to grow more and more insane.
So, who could blame me when I finally snapped? [Humming] I'm Jackã©e [humming] [Screams] The jury finds you guilty of murdering a celebrity.
We sentence you to life in prison.
Boom! You're dead to us.
That's how the justice system works, people.
Yes, I love it! It took years, but I didn't give up.
I dug my way out of that prison using just a spoon! And now it's time for me to get my revenge against my sisters by killing their Lucas boyfriends.
Hey, sharks, are one of you guys LL Cool J? Both: Hiyaa! - Let the Lucas Bros go, Tiara! - Sister, Sister.
There's two of us and only one of you.
You're outnumbered.
That's where you're wrong.
Who needs just two sisters, when I can have too many sisters? What? Impossible! It's amazing what 3D printing technology can do these days, isn't it? Unlike you two, these sisters love me, and do whatever I tell them to do.
T-1, go lower the Lucas Brothers into the shark tank.
T-2, T-3, brush my hair! - You're absolutely insane.
- You're nuts! Only because you made me this way! Now, all the rest of you sisters, kill my sisters! [Computer startup noise] [Screaming] [Rap music plays] Both: Ka-pow! This is one of the best upside down fights I've ever seen.
There's so many black women in one place, it's crazy.
They should just dance instead of fighting.
[Phone buzzes] Oh, snap, it's another customer.
Lucas Bros.
Moving co.
Yeah, I saw your ad.
Can you guys help me move? Hey, sorry dude.
We're about to be eaten by LL Cool J.
Ah, okay, no problem.
[Screams] [Screaming] - Sorry it had to end this way, sister.
- Who says it's ending? - What? Impossible! - She's a 3D printing thing? [Horn honking] See you next time, Bitches, Bitches! [Maniacal laughter] Aww, man.
She stole our van.
Did you leave the keys in the van?! - Of course I did.
- Why? I'm never gonna stop.
Because I'm [chuckles] I'm a free man.
And I can do whatever I want.
- And I like to leave my keys in cars.
- Fair enough.
How you think we're gonna get out of this one, man? - I don't know.
- Hey, Lucas Brothers! Oh, snap.
I forgot about them.
[Gunfire] Both: Thanks for saving us, Sister, Sister.
- It was our pleasure.
- Cool.
Hey, do you think you can give us a ride home? We wish, but there's no time.
As long as our evil third sister is our there, the streets will never be safe.
All right, if it's for the streets, then we can let it slide.
We'll always love you, Lucas Brothers.
[smooching] Jerrod: Brothers, it's a real shame that things didn't work out between you and the sisters.
To be honest, once we found out they were triplets, we lost all interest.
Yeah, man.
We don't really care much for triplets.
There's something about seeing three people that just throws me off.
You know, Jackã©e was right.
Three sisters? That's way too many sisters.
That's too many sisters.
Yeah, no.
I understand your logic, brothers, but, uh, I'd still hit it.
[Rap music plays] [Speaking Thai] - Um, well, I guess, nam tok beef? - And for real, no peanuts.
- Yo, what did you guys order? - Thai food.
Oh, snap.
[chuckles]