Lucas Bros Moving Co (2013) Episode Scripts

N/A - Four-Twenty

1 [Music] [Beeping] [Alarm sounds] - Yo, dude, are you up? - Of course I'm up.
It's 4:20 on 4/20.
- Ah, the perfect storm.
- Absolutely.
Only happens twice a year.
- Yep, I know.
- So, what are we waiting for? Please, break out the dank dank.
Dank dank? I ain't got no dank dank.
I thought you were supposed to pick up the dank dank yesterday? I did, but we smoked it all yesterday.
Ah, that was a good day, yesterday.
[Laughing] - Great day.
- Yo, dude, if we smoked all that weed yesterday, that means we don't have any for today.
So, that means we're out of dank dank? [Screaming] [Engine starting up] [Owl hooting] - Wesley, Wesley! - Open the door! - Wesley! - Dude, open the door! - Wesley, please, please! - It's an emergency! Yo, what up, man? What's good? I'm glad you're awake on this early morning.
Uh, we'd like to buy some more of your finest dank dank.
Yo, it's the middle of the night, dog.
So, who cares about that? You're a drug dealer.
You guys don't have regular time schedules.
That's what Biggie said.
Yeah, but today's a holiday, fam.
We know.
That's the problem.
We got no weed on 4/20.
[Laughs] Yo, you really trying to buy weed on 4/20? Son, you're bugging.
That's like trying to buy a turkey on thanksgiving.
My dude, it's not gonna happen.
Dog, I'm all out.
I smoked the last of that shit last night.
Maybe if you go in my garbage you might find a little bag with some residue.
But nah, I'm dry.
I'm all out.
Wesley, you can't do us like this! - Please! Please, Wesley! - We need you like Kenan needs kel! Yo, Kenan is doing just fine without kel! Now get the [bleep] off my porch before I cancel your ass! [Shotgun cocks] [thud] Why does that dude hate kel so much? You know, I don't think he's anti-kel.
- I just think he's really pro-Kenan.
- Ah, yeah, I can see that.
All right, man.
It's time to get out of here.
[Yawning] [Birds chirping] - Good morning.
- Good morning! - Good morning.
- Yo, good morning, son.
Yo, who are these people? I don't know, dude.
I've never seen them before in my life.
It must be the people that have real jobs.
- And wake up at reasonable times.
- Oh, that sucks.
Why would they have real jobs? That's a stupid thing to do.
- Good morning! - It's like another planet, dude.
- Yeah, a planet full of suckers.
- Good morning.
Yeah, totally.
- Good morning, brothers.
- Morning, Jerrod.
- Hey, man, we'll take a couple of beers.
- Ooh, sorry, brothers, but we don't serve beer before 10:00 A.
M.
- Oh, man, for real? - No weed, and no beer? How are we supposed to live, Jerrod? Feels like the 1740s.
Cheer up, brothers.
Because it just so happens I'm a licensed barista.
What does that mean? It means I can whip you up one mean coffee.
Yo, yo, yo, you're overflowing! Whoa! Good looking out, brothers.
Hey, you guys seem particularly alert this morning.
What gives? Probably has something to do with the fact we didn't - smoke weed today.
- I'm sure that has everything to do with it.
Yeah, and it's making us notice all kinds of things we wouldn't normally pay attention to.
- Yeah, like your coffee overflowing.
- Or that car accident.
What car accident? [Tires screeching] [Crashing] [Car alarm sounding] Jerrod: Oh, my god! Brothers, you just saw the future! - We did? - Do you know what this means? - Nope.
- It means you've become clairvoyant! - What are you talking about, Jerrod? - Man, that's crazy.
No, brothers, it's not crazy.
- It's science! - I don't get it.
Let me break it down for you, brothers.
A normal person uses only 10% of their brain capacity.
But since you two stopped smoking weed, you started tapping into more of your brain power.
- So, weed was making us dumb.
- Exactly! And every minute you're not smoking weed, you're getting smarter and smarter! At 20% brain function, you became hyper-aware of your surroundings.
- Yo, yo, yo, you're overflowing! - At 30%, you saw the future.
- Coffee overflowing.
- Or that car accident.
At 40% you should be able to - ¿Habla Espanol? - Yes.
Si.
- Oh, cool, we can speak Spanish.
- Incredible! So, what happens when our brain reaches 50%? You become omniscient.
Yo, Jerrod's right.
- It just happened.
- I can see everything.
- Everywhere.
- Yeah.
And right now, I can see inside Wesley the weed man's house.
He wants to watch a DVD.
I'm gonna fast forward to just the Kenan parts.
[Laughing] But he can't find the remote.
Gotta find where I put this remote.
And now he's checking the couch cushion.
- He's still checking.
- He's checking.
He's still Wait, I think he found something.
And Both: Boom! He just found an extra stash of weed.
And now, he's calling us to see if we want it.
- And we're gonna say yes.
- Yes, we do.
[Phone ringing] Lucas Bros, Moving Co.
[Muttering] Yes.
Yes, we do.
[Knocking] What up, Wesley? What's up, Lucas Brothers? Come on in.
Yo, sorry for being such a wingding earlier, you know.
But, you know what I'm saying, I got this mug that says "don't talk to me before my first cup of coffee.
" You know what I'm saying? That's me.
I need my caffeine early in the morning, or else I'm not right.
[Slurping] Ahh.
- Know what I mean? - Cool.
- So, can we have our weed now? - [Slurping] Yeah.
"Kenan on Kenan by Kenan"? What's up with this dude and Kenan Thompson? I don't know, but I just sped read this entire book, and I think I get it now.
Kenan's very dynamic.
[Gunshot] Oh, snap, Wesley just got murdered! Dude, I knew that was about to happen.
I saw it in my mind's eye.
- Why didn't you say anything, dude? - I was distracted, man.
I was using my super brainpower to binge watch all five seasons of Martin in my mind.
Oh.
Yeah, that's a good use of time.
You really watch the fifth season? - The fifth season, too.
- Hey, cool.
How does Martin end? Well, you know, Martin gets a job out in L.
A.
to go be with Gina, but in Shut the [bleep] up, Lucas Brothers.
Oh, snap! Wesley the weed man is still alive! - What up, dude? - Run.
- Run? - Run from what? [Shotgun cocks] Oh.
Run from that.
[Screaming] Yo, yo, dude, run faster.
- Why you running so slow? - I don't know, But whoever's chasing us is about to catch us.
Yo, what are we gonna do? Well, we just reached 80% brain capacity.
- Well, what does that mean? - I don't know.
Maybe we have telekinesis now? All right, try throwing that bus stop right there.
Okay, cool.
- Oh, man, it worked! - No, they're still chasing us.
Throw one more thing at them! - All right, I'm throwing, I'm throwing! - Yo, throw a garbage can! Throw a car! - Throw that old lady at them! - Oh, hello.
Aah! - Ah, I didn't get them.
- Oh, Kenny, look, there's our building.
We gotta get up there.
You think we have enough brain power to fly? I don't know, dude.
- Let's find out.
- All right.
[In unison] One, two, three! Aah! Yo, this not smoking weed thing is crazy.
I know, I know.
[Shattering glass] Come on, Kenny, let's get out of here.
Hurry up, man, there's the elevator right there! - I see it! - Okay, press the button.
- Kenny, press the button! - I'm pressing it as fast as I can! Press the button! - I am! - All right.
Aww, dude.
We're caught.
- Well, I guess we're gonna die.
- Should have taken the stairs.
Eh, well, I'd rather die than take the stairs.
That's true.
Both: Whoa! So, we've been running from ourselves the entire time.
That's so deep, dude.
Hey, Kenny, hey, Keith.
We're the future Lucas Brothers.
Whoa, that's dope.
How is the future? Is Hulk Hogan still around? He's still there.
We have hologram Hulk Hogans in the future.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
- Ah, that sounds like a good future.
- It's pretty awesome.
So, if you guys are the future us, then why are you trying to kill us? Kill you? No, no, no, no.
We're trying to save you.
We came back here to stop you from smoking Wesley's weed.
Why? We love smoking weed.
Yeah, we know.
We're you, remember.
But if you smoke weed now, your brains will reset, and won't reach full capacity.
And you need to reach 100% brain capacity.
The future depends on you dudes reaching enlightenment.
- It does? - Oh, yeah.
And if our calculations are correct, you're almost there.
97% 98% 99% And [Elevator dings] [shotguns cock] [Gunfire] Aah! - Oh, snap! - Our future selves just got capped.
But who would want to kill us in the future? - Jerrod? - Who's Jerrod? I am Morpheus.
- Are you sure you're not Jerrod? - Yeah, you look just like him.
That's just a coincidence.
And what is life if not just a series of coincidences that ultimately determine one's fate? Yo, this dude's definitely not Jerrod.
Oh, yeah.
Jerrod makes way more sense.
Brothers, come with me.
All right, so Jerr I mean, uh, Morpheus, why did you kill our future selves? Because in the future you are bad guys.
- Oh, word.
- Word, indeed.
You see, there are two possible futures for the Lucas Brothers.
In one, your brains reach 100% capacity.
You become so super smart, you achieve the singularity, and ultimately become god.
[Angelic chorus] Oh, we look just like catdog.
- We look so lovable! - Dope.
Wrong, brothers.
It is not dope.
You are not a nice god.
You are a mean god.
[Screaming] You kill everybody in the universe.
And you replace them with a super race of Lucas Brothers.
Oh, man.
That's terrible.
I thought we were better people.
[Elevator dings] Follow me.
I want to show you something.
Oh, snap.
What happened to our apartment? Did you repaint this? Man, if you did, that would be pretty cool.
- We're not paying you, though.
- Oh, no, no, no.
This was a gift from you to us.
Thank you.
Whoa! Your brains have reached 99.
9% capacity.
The world as you know it is beginning to fall away.
- Oh, word.
- Yes.
Word.
Now it is time for you to make a very important decision, Lucas Brothers.
Cool.
Sounds intense.
Here, we have the red pill.
This will give you that extra kick you need to put you over the edge to perfect intelligence.
Or there's the green pill.
It's made of pure, medical-grade THC.
If you take it, you will get so incredibly stoned you will reset your minds and forget everything that has happened this morning.
You will return to how it was.
You will be movers.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
Look, man, if the red pill is so bad, why are you even giving us the option to take it? Because you are the architects of your future, Lucas Brothers.
It is your decision, and your decision alone [In unison] We're taking both! No! No, brothers, that's not an option! No, nooo! 100% of our brains are high [Trippy music plays] Both: Whoa.
- [chuckles] Yo, Kenny.
- Yeah, Keith? - What time is it? - It's 4:20.
[Laughing] Dope.
- Eh, let's just keep it here.
- This is good.
- I dig this.
- Saved by the bell.
- Oh, I thought it was figure skating.
- Oh.
It is figure skating.
Saved-by-the-bell-themed figure skating.
- That's cool.
- It's pretty good.
Oh snap.
[Laughing]