Lucas Bros Moving Co (2013) Episode Scripts

N/A - Nutopia

1 Jerrod: # Jerrod is living # a single oh, in a 2000s kinda world I'm glad I got my [Door opens] - Brothers! - What up, Jerrod? Hey, you're looking extra sharp today.
- Are those new hoodies? - Yep.
You know it.
Cool.
What's the special occasion? Our little brother is getting married tomorrow.
So our mom said we have to look nice for the wedding.
Huh, I didn't know you guys had a brother.
Yeah, we don't talk about him that much.
- Why not? - Dude is whack.
He's got a job and a big house in the suburbs.
- And now he's getting married.
- Who wants to get married? - Not me.
- Yeah, me neither.
Living single, son.
[clap] [Cellphone vibrates] Lucas Bros.
Moving co.
- Where the hell are you? - Oh - Hey, mom.
What it do? - Don't "what it do" me.
You're supposed to be at your brother's rehearsal dinner.
So get y'all asses over here.
Damn.
All right, Jerrod.
We gotta go.
And hey, don't let anybody drink these.
- Guard them with your life.
- We'll be back in a few days.
Welcome to Lucas manor, Lucas sirs.
- Yo, this place is huge.
- Ahoy, bromigos! - Yeah, what's up, Karlton? - Congrats on getting married and stuff.
Oh, I've missed you.
- Now, bring it in, you guys.
- Whoa Lucas brothers hug! - And release.
- No, no, no, no, no, no! What are you wearing? I told you to dress nice.
You guys look like a punchline.
What are you talking about, mom? These are brand-new hoodies.
- I don't give a shit! - Come on, momma.
Give 'em a break.
I think their hoodies are cool.
Not me.
Geoffrey, you got two extra butler suits - these goofy faces can wear? - Coming right up, Lucas mother.
So, you guys missed dinner.
But I can have Geoffrey whip you up a plate.
- If you want.
- Nah, dude, we're tired.
- Just tell us where we're sleeping.
- Oh, boy Well, the things is, since you guys didn't R.
S.
V.
P.
, we don't actually have a room for you in the house.
- Oh, that's perfect.
- We could just go back home.
Absolutely not! I won't hear of it.
Look, you're my best men.
But more importantly, you're my best brothers.
Check this out.
I got a yacht.
It's got a bedroom on it.
You can stay there.
Huh? Huh? Say yes.
Say yes.
- Say yes.
- All right.
Fine.
Whoa! Damn, this is so exciting.
[Horn blows] - Hey, dude.
- What's up, man? How you feel about sleeping on a boat? I feel a little bit like Cuba Gooding, Jr.
- Ah, in Boat Trip? - No.
- In Men of Honor? - Nope.
- How about Pearl Harbor? - That's the one.
Oh, yeah.
That was a good one, too.
Man, Cuba Gooding, Jr.
's been in a lot of boat movies.
[Yawns] All this Cuba Gooding, Jr.
talk is making me tired.
[Yawns] Me, too.
- Good night, Kenny.
- Good night, Keef.
[Both yell] Oh, snap! W-We're moving.
- Yo, Karlton, what's going on? - Yeah, man.
Aren't you getting married in like a couple hours? [Groans] Guys I decided I can't do it.
- What? - Dude, what are you talking about? I don't know.
It just hit me.
I've grown up way too fast.
I'm not even 23 years old.
- And now I'm getting married? - I agree.
It's pretty whack.
From now on, I do what I want when I want.
Just like you.
- Hey, Kenny.
- Yeah, Keef? - Should we give it to him? - Yeah, I think he's ready.
This was your wedding gift, but now it's your way of life.
Damn! My own hoodie.
Does this mean I'm a Lucas brother now? You always were, man.
- But now - You look like one.
Thanks, guys.
You won't regret it.
[Angelic choir vocalizes] So, check this.
I have our whole trip mapped out.
Nah, nah, nah, dude! Put that map away.
Being a Lucas brother dictates that we just go with the flow.
Yeah, we go wherever the wind takes us.
And it looks like the wind is taking us right into that rock.
[All screaming] Brothers, we gotta get to the dingy! Whoa! Aah! Okay, here it is.
All right, brothers.
Let's get in.
Well, there goes the yacht.
[Karlton sighs] Nothing like living on a dingy.
[chuckles] The dingy ate my baby.
[Laughter] That's a good reference.
What movie is that from? - I got it from Seinfeld.
- Oh, that's a good movie.
- That's a show.
- Oh, yeah.
That's true.
Karlton: Land ho! See, we told you the wind would take us where - we needed to go.
- Oh, this is so exciting.
So, what do we do now, huh? We forage for berries? Find a water source? Nope.
When you're a Lucas brother, you do nothing.
- We just chill.
- In situations like these, we let the food and water come to us.
Oh, okay.
Great.
Hey, look, so, nothing came to us today, but it's all good.
Yeah, maybe we'll eat today, maybe we'll eat tomorrow.
Or maybe we'll never eat.
Who knows? It's the Lucas brother way.
- Hmm.
All right.
- [Yawns] Good night, man.
[Stick breaks] What the Oh, snap.
Psst.
Kenny, Keef.
You guys awake? - Yeah.
We're trying to go to sleep.
- So stop talking.
No! Brothers, brothers, brothers, brothers, brothers! You gotta wake up.
Wake up? Dude, we told you we don't wanna wake up.
What's up, man? [Growls loudly] What's going on here? Where are we? I demand answers! [Growling] - Keef: What is that thing? - This thing is Wes Borland.
Wes Borland? The guitarist from Limp Bizkit? You're goddamn right.
- Wait.
If that's Wes Borland - You must be Fred [bleep] Durst.
Now come and get it! - Fred Durst? - We thought you were dead.
We both thought you were dead.
So, what are you doing on this abandoned island? Harken back with me to the year 1999.
[Metal music playing] Durst: New metal was on top of the world.
We were mixin' rap and rock.
And we were making moolah, baby.
But we could see that the end was near.
So, you know what I did? I invented the Y2K scare.
Send.
Then I chartered a big-ass ship and took my nu-metalheads to this abandoned island, where we established a nu-metal utopia.
Whoo! Thanks to Fred Durst, we survived Y2K! With nothing else to turn to they had no option but to listen to Limp Bizkit and worship me as their god.
[Chanting] Bizkit, Bizkit, Bizkit! In Nutopia, every day we party like it's Woodstock '99.
And you being here could ruin everything! - How? - Hey, Mr.
Durst.
Bizkit's on in O-Oh, my god! Are those survivors? Does that mean Y2K never happened? We We We [Gunshot] - Oh, snap! - I'll deal with you fools later.
My fans are waiting.
[Chanting] Bizkit, Bizkit, Bizkit! [Chanting continues] Yo, Bizkitheads! Who's ready to get skeezy? [Crowd cheers] Fan: You're a god! A-one, and a-two, and a-three, and a-here we go.
[Playing metal music] [Sings] You know what, man? I kinda like Nutopia.
Yeah, I mean, could've been a lot worse.
- A lot worse.
- What about Reggaetontopia? Oh, nah, that music sucks.
That would have been horrible.
Is it Jamaican? Is it Spanish? It's just too many mixtures of one thing.
- Yeah.
- Guys, guys! What are we gonna do? In situations like this, the Lucas bros usually give up.
- Give up.
- [Sighs] You know maybe I'm just not cut out for being a Lucas brother.
Yeah, what are you talking about, dude? - You're wearing a hoodie.
- I don't deserve this.
There's a beautiful woman waiting for me at that altar.
I need to get home.
- Will you help me, please? - Hold on a second.
Let me talk this over with my business partner.
All right, so what do you think we should do, man? Well, he did give us back the hoodie.
So, I guess we kinda owe him a wedding gift.
So, maybe if we save him we don't have to get him anything.
Perfect.
That's what I was thinking.
All right, Karlton, we'll save you.
- Great.
So, what's the plan? - Plan? Ugh! All right, maybe we can just tie all of our hoodies together and scale down this giant gold bust of Fred Durst.
Aw, man.
These are brand-new hoodies.
Yeah, but these new ones are kinda itchy.
Ah, that's true.
[sighs] Rest in peace, hoodies.
[Metal music continues] Yo, this is as far as our hoodies go! - You know what that means.
- Yep.
We gotta drop.
[Screaming] [Music stops] DJ Lethal! What the heck, bro? I was in the middle of rap singing.
[Crowd jeers] Lucas bros: Oh, snap! Fan #2: What's going on here? Look, everyone! Outsiders! Citizens of Nutopia! Fred Durst has been lying to you! Y2K never happened! You mean we don't have to be listening to this music? Down with Fred Durst and the nu world order! Revolt! Everybody! Break stuff! [Metal music playing] Now's our chance.
We can crowd surf out of here.
[Screaming] Brothers, we gotta get to the dingy! Oh, no! Wes Borland! [Whimpering] Wait, I don't think he wants to hurt us.
He wants to come with us.
Oh, do you wanna come with us, boy? [Grunting] All right, let's get in.
Aah! Come on, dude! Start it up! - I'm trying, man, I'm trying.
- Hurry, hurry, hurry! [Grunting] Oh, yeah! Wes Borland is saving us! Go Wes! We made it.
Pretty soon, all that's gonna be left of Fred Durst is a red hat and a goatee.
[Hair rips] [Durst screams] Oof, there goes the goatee.
[chuckles] All right, y'all, let's go home.
Jerrod: Hold up, hold up, hold up.
So you're telling me that there was a genre of music that mixed rap and rock, and it was called nu-metal.
- Uh-huh.
- Yep.
And it was really popular in the late '90s? - That's right.
- Hmm.
Guess I missed it.
Well, how was your brother's wedding? - We don't know.
- 'Cause we didn't go.
Both: That's the Lucas brothers way! - Ugh! [spits] - Ugh, this beer sucks! Oh, snap.
[Laughs]