Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy (2015) Episode Scripts

N/A - Lyin' Eyes

PETER: Look, duct tape is pretty much a miracle creation that right now is holding this ship together.
But that isn't one of its uses.
Quill, Rocket informed me this binding ribbon was excellent body armor.
Uh, of course he did, Drax.
Did he also happen to mention how to get that armor off your body? How would that be a problem? (TAPE RIPS OFF) (DRAX SCREAMING) Hmm.
BROKER: Rocket? Is everything all right? What? No.
No, no.
Everything's swell.
So, let's skip the formalities, Broker.
Word on the street is, you've been getting into the high-risk market.
I could, in theory, broker a deal for the Cosmic Seed, assuming that's why you contacted me.
Cosmic Seed? Oh (BLOWS RASPBERRY) That's so last cycle.
I got something better.
Found it inside Thanos' asteroid.
Yes! Oh, that will do.
I'll come by your ship.
What's your dock number? Ain't the kind of deal I want to share with my partners.
How about I meet you at Starlin's? Whoa! This is not body armor.
It is a painfully effective adhesive.
I demand an apology.
(GRUNTING) You should apologize to me for wasting the last of my duct tape! (GRUNTS) (SIGHS) That stuff don't grow on trees, you know.
Now leave me alone.
(MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS) DRAX: I will not leave your side until I receive an honorable apology.
I have made amends by conserving your supply until you find a true duct tape tree.
Now, is there something you wish to say to me? Yeah.
Take a hike! I'm meetin' somebody.
Uh, so's I can buy parts to fix our ship.
Yeah, that's it.
Drax the Destroyer.
Where ya been hidin' yourself, buddy? Greetings, J'Que.
Drax the Destroyer does not hide.
I have been guarding the galaxy with my friends.
Yah! (GRUNTS) Okay.
Hey, how about a whirl on the F'saki table for old times, huh? (CHITTERING) Drax the Destroyer will play.
And win, as I win at all things.
Alas, I do not possess any units to purchase a F'saki to race.
Fine.
One game.
Then you gotta leave (BEEPING) so's I can conduct my business.
- I accept your apology.
- It ain't an apology! It's insurance that nothing's gonna go wrong.
(ROCKET GROANING) Hey! What happened here? Can't remember? Too bad.
(CHITTERING) You two ain't goin' nowhere till these damages are paid for.
I do not remember causing these damages, so I will not accept payment for them.
Where's my Pocket Dimension Storage Vial? If you deadbeats won't pay, then you're gonna be part of the damage.
(SCREECHING) (BOTH GASP) (SCREECHING) DRAX: Fear not.
I will fend off these F'sakis with my Where is my ax? (CHITTERING) Well, great! Our weapons are gone, too? You know, whatever happened, I blame you.
I cannot accept blame for something I do not recall.
Then let me refresh your memories.
You two and your other friend destroyed my establishment! (CHITTERING) What other friend? We don't have friends.
Not true, Rocket.
We have many friends.
(BODY THUDS) Quill.
Groot.
Gamora.
Aah! What is wrong with (PULLS ARROW OUT) Ugh! Yondu.
I do not consider Yondu a friend.
Neither do I.
But that's gotta be who J'Que was talking about.
(SNIFFING) Yondu must have slipped a knockout arrow on us.
And stole my vial.
And we have no krutackin' way of finding it! (GRUNTS) Or maybe we do.
Follow that arrow! DRAX: What is so important about this vial Yondu has taken? Were you not on a mission to get repair parts? ROCKET: Uh, the parts are in the vial, obviously.
We need them! (GROANS) (BOTH GRUNTING) (ROCKET YELLS) Oh.
Sorry.
(CHITTERING) (ROCKET PANTING) DRAX: When did you have time to obtain the spare parts? Stop asking krutackin' questions! (BOTH GASP) Perhaps we should enlist the help of our allies.
No way! 'Cause we don't want 'em to know we I mean, you lost our parts, do we? But surely our absence would cause greater concern.
(BEEPING) Hey, Gamora, you notice how peaceful it's been around the ship? Now that you mention it.
I am Groot.
Eh.
Probably just a coincidence.
(YONDU WHISTLING) Ah, there you are, old friend.
Was wondering where you flew off to.
(GASPS) Yo, Yondu, give us back that vial you stole.
(LAUGHS) I didn't steal nothin' from you, varmint.
Now, I won that vial, and your weapons, fair and square in that F'saki race.
Which wasn't rigged at all.
- Oh, yeah? Tell it to the F'saki! - Huh? Heh ROCKET: They sure like them treats you got stashed in your pocket.
Eh, mmm Uh, pure coincidence.
DRAX: You made us unconscious, and destroyed the tavern.
YONDU: Maybe I did, maybe I didn't.
Who knows? I ain't no detective.
(GASPS) I know 412 ways to use this weapon.
Uh, wait, wait, wait! (NERVOUS CHUCKLE) I'd love to give you back the vial, but the thing is, I don't have it.
I ran into the Broker.
He had units, and What was I supposed to do? You sold it? To the Broker? Why? Somethin' important in it? It contains parts to fix our ship.
(CHUCKLES) Well, flarg.
We got a whole hangar full of ships here.
I can rip off any part you need.
It wasn't just parts, it was (SOBS) It was the last lock of tail fur from my sainted mother! I did not know this.
There is nothing more important than family.
Except maybe our weapons.
Hand 'em over, Yondu.
(GRUNTS) My vial! (GASPS) Give it back, or I decorate the room with your insides.
Please! I don't have it anymore.
It wouldn't open, so I sold it as a blind lot to an auction house.
Do you respect Rocket's mother? I'm sure that I do.
Then you will tell us the location of this auction house.
It won't be easy to get into.
It's a very selective crowd with exclusive entry bands.
These aren't your kind of people.
No people are my kind of people.
But that won't stop us.
We're pros.
"Undercover" is our middle name.
Incorrect.
My middle name is "the.
" Oy.
ROCKET: Okay.
Don't mess this up.
Fear not.
I will impress you with the false identity skills you and Quill have been teaching me.
No entry without a wrist band.
I do not require a wrist band.
For I am Dra Drackson.
Drackson the Flame Broiler.
- I am catering this event.
- Oh, yeah? - And who's he? - He is the main course.
Well, let's see if you're on the list.
(BEEPS) Drackson Uh, here you are.
We're actually on the guest list? No.
The "terminate on sight" list.
(GASPS) (GRUNTS) Two against one? (LAUGHS) We got this.
Then clearly, you've never met (TOGETHER) The Blood Brothers! (BOTH YELL) (WHIMPERS) For the honor of Rocket's mother! (YELLS) (BOTH GRUNTING) (GROANS) Aah! (ROCKET GRUNTS) You cannot defeat us.
(ALL GRUNT) (TOGETHER) For we are of one mind! Aah! (GROANS) (GRUNTS) You share a brain? Hmm, makes sense.
Aah! Which one's using it right now? (GRUNTING) (YELLS) So you guys share everything? That's gotta be awkward sometimes.
Like right now! (CRACKLING) (BOTH CRYING OUT) That was just to get your attention.
And now you're out cold! (BOTH GROAN) See? That's why I always say sharing is overrated.
Taking, on the other hand (CHUCKLES) Keep your eyes peeled.
The vial's gotta be somewhere, ready for sale.
Eye-peeling is a barbaric practice.
My people outlawed it long ago.
(GROANS) (INDISTINCT CHATTER) Hmm.
(QUACKS) Weird.
Tell me, friend, have you ever considered maximizing your potential through belief? Behold, Drax the Destroyer! Is this not maximum enough? The Believers can show you how to move beyond the physical with the power of your mind.
ROCKET: Believers, huh? We met one of those crackpots on Spartax.
Ain't you a little far from home out here? Our ranks expand, thanks to the work of our patriarch.
We now have eyes and ears across the galaxy.
Complete bodies would be more useful.
A Golden Age is coming, my friend.
We believe an item at this very auction will usher in that age.
(WHISPERING) These are the same nutjobs who thought Quill was the Chosen One.
I wouldn't take 'em too seriously.
Here, brother.
This will point you to the nearest Believer ship, so you can join us once you see the light.
Thank you, but my eyesight is already perfect.
(GRUNTS) We ain't here to make friends.
Those two are nuttier that that antenna lady on Spartax.
You mean her? (INDISTINCT CHATTER) Mantis? She'll recognize us! Hide! Oh! (GRUNTING) BELIEVERS: Hail, Mantis, celestial protege of the Universal Believers.
Brother Raker.
Brother Arokine.
I have located the vial.
I believe it emanates the energy signature predicted by the prophecy.
(F'SAKIS CHITTERING) (CHUCKLES) (GROWLING) Aah! (CHITTERING) RAKER: The prophecy states the item that lies within will bring about a new Golden Age.
Or the destruction of the universe.
But we believe the Golden Age (CHOMPS) (SHRIEKS) will be the outcome.
(CHITTERS) Come.
We must exercise the mental powers granted by our belief.
We believe the others at this auction will not bid on the vial.
(GRUNTING) (CHIRPING) (GRUNTS) (F'SAKI TRILLING) You hear that? Those wackos could destroy the universe! But how could your mother's tail fur bring about the end of the universe? Have you met my mom? DRAX: Point taken.
(CHITTERING) ROCKET: Aah! (DRAX GROANS) (SNIFFING) Ugh! Truly foul.
Where are we? You know how Knowhere's a big head? Well, this is the sinus cavity.
They use it as a vault.
The vial wasn't in the auction house, so this is the only other place it could be.
I believe I came to the same conclusion.
- ROCKET: Hey, that's mine! - Not anymore.
I received an anonymous tip that you were looking for this vial.
- Yondu! - I knew I needed to obtain it before you did.
I couldn't risk having the Golden Age tainted by doubters.
- You're gonna give that back - No.
I believe I will walk through that door, and you won't stop me.
Ha! Doubt it, sister.
Your small-time brain whammy-jammies won't stop us from taking what's ours.
I might not be powerful enough to mind-control you both alone But together, we are.
DRAX: Ebony Maw? You left the Black Order and joined the Believers? EBONY MAW: The Believers actively recruit beings with elevated mental powers.
We will be the elite when the Golden Age arrives.
We believe they have the vial, and should be disposed of.
(BOTH EXCLAIMING) (WIND BLOWING) (ROCKET GROANS) Why does the world keep goin' upside down? (YELLS) (BOTH GROAN) No one will find you on this abandoned moon, so try not to struggle.
Because if you struggle, you'll sink faster.
And we want this to go nice and slow.
(CHUCKLING) For the record, I still blame you.
If I must meet my fate, at least it shall be with a true and honest companion by my side.
Yeah, honest.
Right.
(CHITTERING) (MUTTERS) Hey.
What's that doing here? Scram! Let us sink to our doom in peace.
(GROWLING) Wait.
F'saki are strong.
Come, small warrior.
Let us put aside our enmity and band together.
(CHIRPS) Ain't you noticed by now? Making friends never works for us.
Being annoying, on the other hand Take that, you little chump.
(SHRIEKING) What ya gonna do? Ow! (GRUNTING) Thanks for the ride, chump! Thank you, noble beast.
Your assistance was helpful this day.
Yeah, was.
Now beat it.
(CHITTERING) I am hungry.
I am fatigued.
It is time we called the others for help.
Ugh! Fine.
Quill, come in.
(COMM CLICKS) You there, humie? (STATIC CRACKLES) Ugh! Must have got quicksand in there.
I can fix it.
Won't take long.
Almost done! You have been saying that for three days! I am starving! (GROANS) Aah! Why did I get us into this? You have repeatedly asserted that this is all my fault.
That's 'cause I've been lying! You think I'm your honest and loyal friend? Newsflash: I ain't.
The vial don't got anything from my mom.
It's got Thanos' sarcophagus thing.
I've been lying, so I could sell it and pocket the units for myself.
Now the Believers could use it to end the universe, and it'll be all my fault! Some Guardian I am.
Even Quill is less useless than me.
PETER: Stop.
You're making me blush.
(GASPS) Guys! How'd you find us? The peace and quiet was a nice change, but on the fourth day, we actually got a little worried.
Yeah.
So we fixed the ship ourselves, and followed one of Rocket's trackers.
I am Groot.
(BEEPING) Deceiving me and branding me with your visage? I should have eaten your carcass when I had the chance! Go ahead.
The vial's gone.
And the universe is probably gonna go, too.
He's right.
We have no idea how to find the Believers.
Perhaps this will help.
RAKER: We believe you wish to know more about the power of the mind.
Join the Believers on our flagship, currently at these coordinates.
ACOLYTE: Welcome, new recruits.
Thanks to technology provided to us by our patriarch, we are able to convert mental energy into physical energy.
Our ship is literally powered by positive thinking.
This is our Belief Converter.
Even those who lack advanced psionic abilities can power the device simply by stating their belief.
ALL: (CHANTING) We believe.
We believe.
We believe we can open the vial.
(WHOOSHING) (GRUNTS) Not again! This is not the object we seek! You told me I used up the last of your duct tape! More lies! - Doubters! - I believe they will be captured! (CRIES OUT) By a handful of unarmed fanatics? I doubt that.
And that is why you will fall to the power of belief.
Attack! (BELIEVERS GROWLING) (GRUNTS) Oh, so they can do that now.
That and much more.
I believe your weapon will malfunction.
Aah! (YELLS) I believe I can combat you.
(YELLING) (GRUNTING) I believe I can overpower you.
(YELLS) (GAMORA GRUNTS) I believe you suffer from root rot! I am Groot! I am Groot.
I believe you cannot harm me.
(GRUNTS) Where is the sarcophagus? - I don't know.
- I don't believe you.
That's ironic.
You are right to doubt him.
Everything from his mouth is a lie! What just happened? They're powered by belief! But if they don't know what to believe Then no more power.
Which means Rocket needs to keep up the lies.
Oh, yeah.
That, I can do.
Yo! I gave the sarcophagus to the Nova Corps.
Or maybe I didn't.
But I tipped 'em off, so they'll be here any minute.
Or not.
Either way, I rigged your ship to explode.
Nah, I didn't.
Did I? (ALARM BLARING) The doubt is draining our belief batteries.
We are powerless! Hey! Remember when you said this ship is powered by positive thinking? Yeah, you might want to believe it back into orbit.
(ALARM CONTINUES BLARING) Your pathological inability to tell the truth actually proved useful.
Hey, you can't spell "believe" without L-I-E.
(WHIRRING) Nine rolls of duct tape, a month's supply of pellets, assorted items that go boom, but no sarcophagus.
YONDU: Howdy, varmint! Soon as I realized how taken you was with the contents of this here vial, I broke into the auction house vault and grabbed it before you or anyone else could.
Wish I could see the look on your fuzzy face.
(LAUGHS) But I can't, 'cause I'm off to sell this here box to the highest bidder.
Have a nice day! That backstabbing, furless Ravager! What did that Believer prophecy say? That the sarcophagus would bring a new Golden Age? Or destroy the universe.
We need to get to Yondu before he does something stupid.
Gonna be rollin' in the units now.
Time to see what's under the hood.
(LAUGHS) (SCREAMING) Rocket, I have decided to forgive you for your deceptions, since you undoubtedly learned a lesson.
Ho-ho, I sure did, pal.
Honesty is the worst policy.
No, the lesson that your lies have consequences.
Yeah.
Great consequences.
If I wasn't such a good liar, we'd have never got off that Believer ship alive! - Hah! - I am Groot? Holo-photos? I didn't take any holo-photos the other night.
I do not remember any of this.
Ah! Too much truth! Shut it off! DRAX: Rocket!