Men at Work (2012) Episode Scripts

N/A - Wake and Bake

Mail guy.
Angry, head-shaking brian.
And "never wants to make two trips" andrea.
You okay there? Oh, it's all the same, man.
Day in, day out.
I'm stuck, neal.
I'm in a rut.
You're in a rut, too.
Uh, no, I am not.
Thank you very much.
Oh, look.
It's 3:45.
Yogurt time! Every day, like clock work.
Boys, what's the rumpus? Milo says we are in a rut.
We are not.
Hey, isn't it yogurt time? Come on, guys.
Let's go out on an adventure tonight, huh? -Can't.
Why? 'cause you got a date with a model you shot for the magazine? Yep.
Gibbs, don't you ever get tired Of the same routine? You mean the routine where I date models? I'm just saying -- No.
I win.
What up? Tyler, my friend, How would you like to shake things up And be my adventure sidekick this evening? Sorry, charlie.
I got to -- Oh my god! You totally do look like a charlie.
I always thought donald.
-Or a beard-o.
Anyway, I got a date with katelyn.
Here we go again.
The white whale? Please don't call her that.
That makes it sound like you're saying she's -- It's a literary reference From the menu at long john silver's.
-From "moby dick.
" What if we call her "the girl you will never, ever move on from Even though she blows you off every single time you have plans"? That's a really long nickname.
She doesn't blow me off.
There's just been a series of unforeseen circumstances That have stood in the way of our dates.
But tonight, all that's about to change, Because we have an 8:00 reservation at -- Isn't it yogurt time? What was that? Nuffin.
Did you just say "nuffin"? She blew you off again, didn't she? She did not! she has a family thing.
You are so sad.
You're just as bad -- Trying to manufacture adventure.
Neal here is the only one of you guys that's got it going on.
Got him a pretty lady to go home to.
I'm not going home tonight.
Hear that? Got himself a girlfriend and a social life.
I'm lining up for the midnight video-game release A fire and" -- Shh! Shh! It'll be over soon.
Just go to sleep.
Don't j-- hey, uhp! There you go.
That was for the best.
- Men at Work - - S01E08 - Riddle me this.
How would you feel about going out tonight And delivering some street justice To the small-time criminals of this city? Walk away, and come back in normal.
Come on, man.
I need an adventure.
Let's go get weird.
Milo, you gotta stop with this adventure stuff.
We're not the goonies.
You know who didn't realize they were the goonies At the start of the goonies? The goonies.
Hey, it's katelyn.
See, she probably realized what she was missing.
Hello? Hello? Oh, I think she pocket-dialed me.
What's she saying? How much she wants you to go out and have an adventure? Damn, she's going to meet some guy.
Oh, well, I guess that officially frees you up For an adventure.
Now she's worried she's gonna get too drunk.
Why don't we go get drunk On adventure? They're meeting at 614 varick.
This is unbelievable! Do you know what that is? A post-it note with "614 varick" written on it By a serial killer? No, it's an adventure map.
It's our time down here.
Is that from "the goonies"? Do you seriously think You're gonna convince me to stalk her by using movie quotes? Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
Look, I just -- I hate seeing that girl Make a fool out of you, you know? Nobody puts baby in a corner.
You watch a lot of movies.
I'm just a guy standing in front of another guy Asking him to go out on an adventure.
You had me at goonies.
Yes! Gibbs? Gibbs! Nope.
Gibbs! Gibbs! Gibbs! Come on! What are you doing here? Wishing I had taken a cab.
This is a new level of geek you got going on here.
I know.
I'm letting my geek flag fly, and proudly.
"ice knights of drogar vi" is not just a game.
-Yes, it is.
It's a passport to another world.
No, it's not.
This is the costume of my game character, A fourth-level conjurer named norkas windsword.
Well, I'm a sixth-level grown-up named "holy crap, neal.
" Well, what happened to your date with the model? Oh, had to pull the rip cord after 20 minutes.
Was that bad, huh? How is there not a popular italian restaurant called "penne for your thoughts"? Omg! Tweet it! You so should tweet that! Tweet it right now! I'm so cereal! Uh, yeah, I'm not on twitter.
What?! Hashtag craycray?! Where do you put your thoughts if you're not on twitter? Oh, my god! I am totes tweeting that! Well, you're welcome to hang with us.
Gibbs, I'd like you to meet my in-game family.
This is my father, fistel brandythorn.
good welcome, my young moor.
my real name's glen.
My earth mother is around here somewhere.
Oh, this is my wolf sister, florandia swiftlace.
I-I am a virgin.
Neal Blink your eyes if you're being held here against your will.
See, you don't get it.
This game has everything -- Light magic against the darkest arts, Loyalty forged in the fire of -- Neal, I think on this we're just gonna have to agree to -- What was that? Neal? Boob city.
I never thought I'd say this, But I want to get with that goat girl.
Really? She bailed on me To go to some pretentious hipster bar with no sign? That's right.
Use that anger.
And you know they're selling $15 cocktails served in mason jars.
And sure, they'll be delicious, But will that justify the terrible service? I mean, maybe, If they're making their own juices and simple syrups.
Kinda losing the anger here.
But they probably aren't! And it's back! Let's go! Yeah! Tyler? Shame on you.
You cancel on me for some "family thing," And now I find you here With all these well-dressed people of varying ages And floral arrangements and a giant photo Of a guy whose name I'm guessing is not rip Because this is a wake.
So, shame on you For thinking I wouldn't come down here And comfort you in your time of need.
Oh, tyler.
Tyler, I can't believe You came down here to comfort me like this.
Please believe that.
I have to go check on my grandmother, But I'll be right back.
You're amazing.
Well played.
Very smooth.
You made me crash a wake! I know! I'm sad! I'm sad, too! See, I told you katelyn wasn't blowing me off.
You were right.
Now let's get out of here.
I heard about a secret village under madison square garden Where patrick ewing will wrestle anybody for $100.
I can't just -- where the hell did you hear about that? From a guy who wrestled patrick ewing! I can't leave now.
I've been chasing this girl for months.
Because she's your white whale.
Will you please stop calling her that? But yes.
And I'm not gonna throw away The first real chance I have with her.
Just give me 15 minutes.
You've got 15 minutes.
I'm gonna get a drink.
But remember, patrick ewing isn't gonna wrestle himself.
Although, I heard for 200 bucks, he might.
Hello, sir.
I will take your most expensive scotch in your tallest glass.
Thank you.
Cousin stanley? Is that you? Yeah, it's me -- cousin stanley.
It's gus! Gus! Right! Your great uncle! There it is! Great uncle gus! Of course! Good to see you, man! Look, fellas! Look what the patriotic cat dragged in! Cousin stanley made it! How are you back from the war already? We won! I think I just got shot down by a half-woman/half-goat.
What'd you say? Well, I asked her If she wanted to get out of here and grab a drink.
Gibbs, everyone on this line is here Because they want to be transported To the world of magic and wonder that is A fire and song" -- Neal What is your point? My point is you got to respect the game.
I respect the hell out of the game.
Really? What's it called? I said it pretty recently.
"ice knuckles of drunk girls four.
" Look, neal, Milo’s right.
I have been in a rut -- same types of women, same conversations.
But these girls are different.
I just need to know how to speak their language.
Help me.
I will, but only because I believe your intentions are pure.
Listen well, my young apprentice, For the journey ahead is infinite and -- You got three minutes.
I can work with that.
So, that's my aunt penny and her husband, lenny.
And -- brace yourself -- their son, kenny.
So you're, what, like, three-quarters dr.
Seuss? shut up.
I will not shut up.
I will not shut up at a wake.
I will not shut up on a lake.
As we used to say in our tank battalion -- Down the hatch! I thought you said you were a pilot.
Yup -- flying tanks.
Highly classified.
Highly awesome.
You know, I think We should probably cool it with the drinking.
You're right.
We're at a wake.
We don't want to get carried away.
Oh, no, no.
I just thought we should go smoke Some of my glaucoma medicine.
Impossible To turn down.
'tis true what the elders say.
Wood nymphs are the most beautiful creatures Of our forest.
Tell me, good swordsman, Whereupon your person did you etch your speech? On-eth my hand.
Alas, I must take my leave.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! I am new to this world And was rendered speechless by your beauty.
Did I offendeth thy thouness-eth? No, it's just this twig bra is super uncomfortable.
I have the same problem with my pine-cone thong.
They call me Drusilla.
They call me GibbsEses.
The eulogies are about to start.
I gotta get my mom out of the bathroom.
Will you save me a seat? Well, I don't know You might have to fight off your great-aunt irene.
She seems pretty into me.
I think I can take her.
She's lost a step since she got her foot amputated.
Oh, my god.
That's so good.
Hey, I don't want to jinx anything, But I believe I've landed the white whale.
When I die, I want to be buried with a sandwich like this.
No, no, no.
I want to be buried in a sandwich like this.
Milo, are you high? Yes.
But around here, you got to call me "cousin stanley," Because I'm pretending to be a guy they call cousin stanley.
Damn it.
I need you to pull it together right now So you don't screw up my thing with katelyn.
Hey, my thing has nothing to do with your thing.
Boop! Relax.
You won't even know that I'm here.
As you all know, I've never been one for speeches.
So, cousin stanley, why don't you get on up here?! You bet! Showtime.
What the hell are you doing? Relax, I have two purple hearts, man.
I can handle this.
I found the most amazing girl.
She's kinda quirky and funny and creative.
Plus, she's a wood nymph, so, you know Yeah! Yeah! Where is she? Well, she's got a tent way back at the end of the line.
So, I guess now I'm a member of the "mile-long club.
" mm-hmm.
You're the coolest guy I know.
And I know a guy with three dirt bikes.
What's her name? Uh, Drusilla of the camden forest.
You guys know her? Gibbs You had sex with my mom! Our F-14 was in a flat spin And goose was dead before we hit the water.
I couldn't deal with it.
Every night, I'd ride my motorcycle up the coast Wearing the dopest leather jacket.
Isn't this from "top gun"? Is it? Or is "top gun" from this? I knew I'd never see my friend again, No more sing-alongs at the bar, No more shirtless beach volleyball games Wearing cut-off jean shorts.
It's kind of hard to describe, you know? It's like You've lost that loving feeling.
No, this is definitely from "top gun.
" Does this guy seem weird to you? Life's all about friendship.
Like the first time I went shrimping with my buddy bubba And our legless leader, lieutenant dan.
I couldn't say, really.
You know, war changes people.
But I've never met him before, so -- Tyler knows what I'm talking about.
Right, buddy? I guess there's another tyler here.
Wait -- how did you know I was gonna be here today? I read your grandfather's obituary.
The obituary runs tomorrow.
Spoiler alert? Unbelievable.
So there it is.
Life moves pretty fast.
You don't stop and look around once in a while, You could miss it.
Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, "the breakfast club.
" Katelyn, I swear this is not what it looks like.
Oh, good, because it looks like you brought Some drunk, delusional hobo to my grandfather's wake.
Actually, that's pretty accurate.
I needed to know if we had a chance.
It's just -- we've had so many "almost" moments, And you keep blowing me off, But there's something about you that keeps me coming back.
And I thought by staying here, I'd get a chance to find out what it is.
So, you used my grandfather's wake as a speed date? See, your ability to summarize is one of the things I'm liking.
I guess I never really gave you a chance.
I just thought you were some conceited pretty boy.
I'm not conceited.
All right, listen.
If you're not busy tomorrow, the burial's in the morning.
You could meet me there, and we can hang out after.
It's a date.
And remember, you can't spell funeral without "fun.
" But we will tomorrow.
Hey ty.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! What?! You have my full attention! Did I screw things up with katelyn? Actually, uh, despite your best efforts, I think the white whale may finally be a normal whale That likes me.
Can I borrow 50 bucks? Gus and I are gonna go halvesies on patrick ewing.
No, you are not.
I'm sorry, sir, but I got to take this little fella home.
Say goodbye to gus.
Bye to gus! Sorry for bailing on you, man! It's all right.
We had enough adventure for one night.
We did, didn't we? Hey, ty, we got weird tonight.
Yes, we did.
Okay, I'll go first.
I'm still upset with you.
And even though I know it's just a game, For some weird reason, It feels like you really did sleep with my mom.
But I didn't.
Exactly! Round and round we go, right? but clearly, we're left With this undeniable tension between us.
So, I think the only way to make things right Is for me to sleep with your mom.
Your virtual mom.
You would have to create a character And then create that character's mother So I can seduce her.
Which, I know, it doesn't make us exactly even, But it's the symbolism that matters to me.
Great! Thanks! Look, we both said some things we regret.
The point is, I'm sorry.
And you know what? Breakfast is on me! Okay.
We have an officer and a gentleman.
You wore that to the funeral? Cousin stanley wanted to pay his respects, And this is what someone of my rank wears to a funeral.
Aren't you supposed to be on a date? She, uh She didn't show.
-No way.
She bailed on her grandfather's funeral? She had a work thing! Oh, come on, ty! You're buying that? People have work things! You can't handle the truth.
Maybe she did blow me off, But I think I like it better when she's my white whale.
All potential, no disappointment.
Except for the continual disappointment Of her blowing you off.
You can't handle the truth! I just admitted she blew me off.
Sorry, I've got to rn this by noon, So I'm trying to get 'em all out.
Did you order the code red?! You're damn right I did! Yeah.
And "shouldn't have eaten indian food" mike.
Are you gonna want to go on another adventure? Nah, I'm gonna enjoy the routine for a little while.
That adventure gave me a massive hangover.
So, what are we watching here? We're in the bedroom of my castle.
That's gibbs' mother.
And you're playing as your mom So neal can have sex with her? I guess.
I -- All right, gibbs.
That is me entering the bed chamber.
I am now removing my armor of invincibility.
Oh! Oh! Hey, man! Wow.
Didn't know you went commando Under the armor of invincibility.
And now, gibbs, I am going to even the score With the most thorough ravaging Your virtual mother will ever experience.
You're gonna want to tap "s.
" What -- what are you doing? What -- no! I said "s," not "a"! Aaaaaaaaaaah! Noooooo! What just happened? Your mom killed me! Do you have any idea how long it took me to build my character? Sure died easy.
It's 'cause I took my armor off.
I wanted to make it special.
Hey look, your armor fits my mom.
Ha! All right, mom.
Let's take a walk around our new castle.