Men at Work (2012) Episode Scripts

N/A - Super Milo

Hello, gents.
Sorry I'm late.
I was playing some pick-up over on west 4th street.
the cage? Did you get lost? You can't keep up with those guys.
Yeah, that's what lisa used to say.
I'd be walking by, and I'd stop to watch, and she'd go, "it's like they're playing a different game than you.
" "now let's go to sephora.
" Oh, that's where I get my night cream.
Is something a girl would say.
But I crossed it off my list.
You have a list? Are you dying? Can I have your headphones? As we all remember, - I was a bit of a wreck when lisa and I broke up.
- Were you? - That was bad.
- Why does he get your headphones? So I wrote a list of things I thought I needed to do.
To officially get over her.
I called it my "super milo list.
" - Boo.
- Who names a list? Even though I'm over her, I still want to finish my list.
Was one of the things on your list "giving your list a stupid name"? super tyler.
So, what was on the list? Uh, you know, having a threesome Sending back a meal at a nice restaurant, Fooling around with a friend's sister.
- Wait, what? - What? - What? - What? I think it's great.
So, what's left? What gets you to super milo? What gets me to super milo is one thing Winning the decathalynn.
Ho, ho.
That's not for three months.
You can't just move the decathalynn.
Yeah, they don't just move the tonys sports playoffs.
Yeah, if you need a win, You're gonna have to find it elsewhere.
Boom! Suck on that.
Winner.
This is my house.
Would you be a love and press "L" for me, please? I feel kind of bad.
We're not doing the decathalynn for milo.
Rules are rules.
It doesn't happen until September.
It just seems like he needs it for some kind of closure.
You know, like it helped you get over that girl.
You know, the reason we started the decathalynn.
What was her name? Lynn.
Like "decathalynn.
" Oh, I just got that.
Maybe we can make an exception this time.
It is fun to play.
I know.
Imagine how much fun it would be if you actually won an event.
Well, I wouldn't have to imagine.
If this year we could compete in eyeglass repair.
Look, guys, I've been racking up wins all over the place.
Fastest walker on 8th street, Most elaborate coffee order at starbucks, Best beard at the rite aid.
But it all feels empty.
I need the decathalynn.
All right.
You win.
Let's do it.
Really? Oh, great.
'Cause the truth is, I was only the second-best beard at rite aid.
This guy was a freaking gandalf.
- Men at Work - - S01E010 We've got the lynn! Whoooo! Ah! Mm.
Did you change her clothes? What? No.
Didn't the lynn used to be wearing pants? Okay, that was winter.
You expect her to wear them all year? It's crazy.
Gibbs, do you think you can do the decathalynn this time.
Without cheating? Here we go.
I'm sorry.
Name one event I cheated at.
Uh, pigeon catching.
What? I caught a pigeon.
You ran away from them.
That was because you sprayed my jacket with bacon grease.
Or did you accidentally lie down in a puddle of bacon grease? One thing we do know Bacon grease makes pigeons crazy horny.
And it takes exactly 10 pigeons to overpower tyler.
Gentlemen, welcome to the opening ceremonies.
Of the first ever summer decathalynn.
Gah-gah-gah-gah-gah-gow! On a side note, I just want to thank you all for getting me one step closer.
To getting over the person.
Whose name I have already forgotten.
It's lisa.
Thank you, neal.
With no further ado Ahhhhhhhhh! Come on! It's happening! Now, in addition to the classics, This year's wild cards, chosen at random, will be There's got to be one I can win this year.
Assembling an ikea bookcase while high Damn it.
Try not to cry during "field of dreams" Damn it.
Edward 40-hands.
Wait, what's that? You duct-tape a 40 to each hand, And you can't take them off until they're empty.
Damn it.
We are also going to have to get through an editorial meeting.
Speaking only in song titles.
Ooh.
Maybe.
And the final event will be precision coaster throwing, Otherwise known as "bar ninja.
" That one's mine.
Really? As always, The standings will be tracked on the big board, And as per decathalynn tradition, I will be represented by redbeard Gibbs by blackbeard Blackbeard! Tyler by no-beard And neal by this binder clip.
Really feel like I deserve an action figure.
You know the rules.
You win an event, you get an action figure.
All right.
When do we start? Finger on the nose! Damn it.
Who's got books? 'Cause their house is done! How'd you finish so fast? I may have done some allen-wrench training And some weed training And maybe some Allen-wrench-weed cross-training.
Well, I can't finish because I'm missing parts! You sound paranoid.
I'm not paranoid.
I'm really, really hungry, but I'm not paranoid.
And I'm definitely missing parts, And I want to know who took them, tyler.
You would totally deserve it, but Wait, what was I saying? Well, if you didn't take them, Why is the instruction man with no genitals.
Pointing to dowels I don't have? Shh! Shh! I'm trying to concentrate.
Something about my bookcase doesn't look right.
That's because it's a bathroom vanity.
Oh.
I knew we should've gotten high after we went to the store! But then neal wouldn't have gotten his kangaroo.
Three Two One Bottoms up! Aaaaahh! Kevin costner just wants to play catch with his daddy.
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Now, remember, once doug starts the meeting, We can only speak in song titles.
Oh, look.
"let's get it on.
" Guys, how we doing? "Everybody's working for the weekend.
" "takin' care of business.
" "mo money mo problems.
" "I kissed a girl.
" Okay.
Uh, any ideas on a theme for the November issue? "Girls just want to have fun.
" Interesting.
Maybe we could bring the girl from the muscle-car issue back.
What was her name again? "Roxanne.
" No.
"Billie jean.
" No.
Amber reynolds.
Damn it! Amateur.
damn it.
Ah, tyler, remind me when your kate upton interview is.
"When September ends.
" Okay.
So, October? Awesome.
Are these the list of questions you have for her? "U can't touch this.
" I get it.
I get it.
This one's your baby.
"Sweet child of mine.
" "o'.
" "o' mine.
" Oh, come on.
It's the same thing.
The interview's next Tuesday, doug.
Here's my folder.
Okay.
Great.
Milo I really enjoyed your piece on survivalists.
Where'd you find all those crazy characters? "Route 66.
" "under the bridge.
" "in da club.
" Wow.
You really got around.
"Funkytown.
" Oh.
I appreciate all your hard work.
"Nuthin' but a 'g' thang.
" Oh, milo, one more thing.
"Hit me with your best shot.
" Lisa.
"The bitch is back.
" What are you doing here? Would you believe I never got last month's issue, And I really need to know.
The best party school in the southeast? First of all, it's always florida, And you know that.
Second of all, what the hell do you want? I need to talk to you.
Really? 'Cause I thought we covered everything six months ago.
When you told me that you were cheating on me.
With, uh, what was his name? Milo no, I'd remember that, 'cause that my name.
Paul.
How is paul? Paul was a mistake.
It's like she could sense he was almost over her.
The statute of limitations on breakups is six months.
She knew her window of opportunity.
To get him back was closing.
We need to stop this before he backslides.
'Cause she'll hurt him again, and he'll stop showering again, And he lives with me, and I have a nice couch.
So, what do we do? I could pull the fire alarm.
You can't just pull a fire alarm if there isn't a fire.
You're right.
I should probably start a fire.
Can we just go somewhere and get a cup of coffee? I'm good.
There's plenty of coffee here.
Milo, please? Lisa, you can't just do what you did to me.
And then disappear for six months.
And then expect me to what? Just drop everything and go hang out with you at a starbucks? I know you're angry, and you have every reason to be.
And maybe what I have to say means nothing to you, But I want to apologize.
I just don't really want to do it.
In front of all these people.
Fine, but if we're getting coffee, You also have to buy me a Norah jones cd.
And cake for two? I don't know what it's called.
I just know she has a new album out.
Hey, guys.
Hello, lisa.
Yeah.
Hey.
Hi.
How are you? 'Sup? Uh, milo? We're having trouble lifting a heavy box back there, And since you've become the strongest among us, could you? I'll meet you downstairs.
What the hell? I am so sorry I was polite to her.
I just can't turn it off.
It's not a big deal.
She just wants to talk.
And you told her you had nothing to talk about, right? I did.
But obviously there's a ton of stuff I never got a chance to say Stuff, I've been told, I scream in my sleep.
All right, well, if you're going, We're coming with you.
Make sure you don't get sucked into the lisa vortex.
Guys, I appreciate it.
I'll be fine, okay? I'll be back in an hour, And then we will finish off the decathalynn.
Fine.
Bar ninja in one hour, But if you're not back, you're out.
And then you're the binder clip.
Whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Doesn't work like that.
Sorry.
I thought I saw an opening.
Well, I'm glad that we walked seven blocks out of our way.
To get you a norah jones cd.
So am I.
And the joke's on you because I already have that cd.
No, the joke's on you because now you're a single guy.
With two norah jones cd's.
You are still single, right? Yes.
And actively dating.
I'm a bit of a man whore these days, if you must know.
Okay.
I'm just gonna say it.
I miss you.
Lisa I made a mistake, and I know I can't take it back, But I think we both changed.
So you can tell me to go to hell, And I'll never bring this up again.
But I was hoping maybe we could give it another shot.
I didn't hear you say, "go to hell.
" I didn't say anything.
So, what are you thinking? I'm thinking, "I did not see that coming.
" And? And I'm gonna need some time to think about it.
Because I don't want to say the wrong thing.
She cheated on me.
We've should have gone with him.
What's the worst we should've that can happen? They get married.
Murder-suicide.
Ah, you're alive.
Of course I am.
What happened with lisa? Is she alive? Yes.
We had coffee.
She apologized.
That was pretty much it.
Also, she bought me the new norah jones cd.
Track three, a glass of wine, and a bath you're welcome.
You all right? I'm fine.
At least, I will be when I win the decathalynn.
You don't look fine.
Yeah, don't worry about the decathalynn.
We'll finish it tomorrow.
No, it's got to be today.
Why? Because today would've been our five-year anniversary.
Ah.
So that's why she showed up out of the blue.
Wow.
Then do not listen to track seven.
It starts with a sitar and ends with you weeping.
Dude You don't know.
You haven't listened to it.
Guys, bar ninja.
Let's go finish this.
Here we go.
Milo, milo.
Noonan.
You got it.
Noonan! Milo! Milo! Oh! Damn it! I can't believe I missed the giant gap in his teeth.
All right, neal, it's up to you.
If you hit the governator above his former pecs Now man-boobs You secure yourself an action figure, And more importantly, I will reclaim the decathalynn crown, Which I think is what the people want.
But, however, if you miss, milo takes the title, And you're still a binder clip.
Oh.
Now, gibbs, notice how I never mentioned you once? It's because you're statistically eliminated, So suck it.
Milo fooled around with your sister.
And I could have but didn't.
But I might.
Let's go, neal, baby.
All right.
It's all you, baby.
You earned it.
You can do this.
You got it.
You know what to do.
I didn't think it was possible to miss by that much.
It slipped.
Sorry, tyler.
It's okay, neal.
It's my fault for standing in the room.
You know, this means way more than I thought it would.
Little advice get yourself to a forever 21.
Get a scrunchie.
Use it as a skirt.
They also have these shorts there that are totally unisex, Even though they don't say so.
Lisa wants to get back together.
That's why she showed up today.
What did you tell her? I told her that I'd think about it.
Are you kidding?! Think about what? "think" my ass! It took me by surprise.
I didn't know what to say.
I mean, a few months ago, I would have taken her back in a second But I'm a new man now, and I have a doll to prove it.
The lynn is all-powerful.
You'll understand some day, neal.
When I let you borrow it.
I give her a lot of the credit, But, also, you guys have had my back.
For the last six months, So I just wanted to say "thank you.
" And, uh, I'm actually gonna go tell lisa.
That I'm not interested.
You're gonna go see her? Couldn't you just call her? No, I got to do it in person.
Oh, I think that's dangerous, You're going at night.
She's gonna be looking good.
That's a recipe for backsliding.
Do you want us to go with you? Sure.
Really? No! See you, guys.
See you, man.
What are you smiling about? Nothing.
I'm happy for milo.
So are we.
I'm glad he finished his list, Even if he needed a little help.
You're trying to say.
That you intentionally messed up your throw? No.
I'm trying not to say it.
Get out of here.
I'm not buying that.
oh, yeah? See that candle? Holy crap.
I played a lot of ultimate in college.
Milo needed to be super milo.
I'm assuming that my sacrifice.
Will be rewarded with an action figure.
Doesn't work like that.
Pretty sure you got to win an event.
I'm so glad you called.
me too.
Look, um I've been thinking about what you said.
And I think that you're right we both have changed a lot.
And it's taken me a long time.
And a lot of help.
From the guys that you used to call "the idiots".
To get over you, But I have.
And I don't want to go backwards Which is really hard for me to say right now 'cause I can see you've been doing a lot of yoga.
And pilates.
And pilates.
I guess I'll See you around sometime.
Okay.
By the way - I took the dowels from your book case.
- I knew it.
I put sliced onions in your pillow.
During "field of dreams.
" I juiced during edward 40-hands.
Yeah.
So did I.
Juiced? Yeah, you pour out the beer and replace it with apple juice.
Everybody juices.
No, everybody doesn't.
I didn't.
I drank 80 ounces of beer.
And soiled an innocent kangaroo doll.
Well, the important thing is, We helped milo get to super milo.
Where is super milo, by the way? Uh-oh.
You don't think he He backslid.
I knew we should have gone with him.
All right, neal, try his cell.
Tyler, call your apartment and see if he's there.
Morning, bitches.
Uh, where you been? Playing some ball at the cage.
I got a new nickname.
It is "no, no, no, no, don't shoot! Ohhh.
" So, what happened with lisa? What are you talking about? I told her it was over.
Really? 'Cause we were sure you were gonna backslide.
Well, it was pretty close there for a second, And then I remembered there's only one girl for me.
Yeah.
My boy, my boy.
I never doubted you for a second.
All right, I doubted you a little.
A lot.
Wait, did you change her hair? I put it up.
So you could see the necklace I bought her.