Men at Work (2012) Episode Scripts

N/A - The Good, The Bad & The Milo

Huh, look at that.
Another nine came up in the powerball.
Remember how I said I had a feeling about that? Hmm.
Oh, look at this.
It says we're not supposed to eat ham anymore.
Gonna miss ham.
Hey, Molly.
Ow! What are you doing?! Being adorable? SoYou stabbed her? Seems kind of mean, man.
No, you're missing the point.
It's only been two months.
And we're already one of those couples who've run out of things to say to each other.
Well, now you can talk about the time you stabbed her.
I think this might be the end.
Of this conversation? Really? That gets a high five? Eh, it's a slow morning.
Milo, a couple of quiet meals doesn't mean it's gonna end.
Yeah, it could be one of those silences that shows how comfortable you are with each other.
Or was it one of those silences your parents had right before your dad moved out and your mom came and told you, "Tyler, I'm moving in with your Lacrosse coach.
" It happened to a friend of mine Named Tyler.
So, it's bad, huh? Last Saturday, our big night out was going to Trader Joe's.
Love that place.
You play it right, you can make a whole meal out of the samples.
I think I got to break up with her.
That sucks.
Molly's great.
No, you're right, man.
Molly is great.
We had a fun two months, but I don't know.
Something's missing.
It sounds like your relationship was much like the life of Alexander the Great, which burned out too fast, but left us with a set of laws that we use to this day.
- Biography channel? - You know it.
Did you see the Elton John one? So good! Are we having a hard time staying focused here? Who was Trader Joe? Breakups are the worst.
Yeah, just make sure you're super polite in the e-mail.
E-mail? It's been two months.
It's got to be a phone call.
Oh, I e-mail up to three months.
You son of a bitch.
No, it is not going to be like that.
After the way Lisa ended things with me, I want do this respectfully, where no one gets their feelings hurt, and we all walk away friends.
So, you're breaking up with her in Narnia? Milo, you can't break up and still be the good guy.
The premise of a breakup is one person saying to another, "I don't want to be with you anymore because of who you are.
" I disagree.
I think it can be done with dignity and respect and a little bit of love.
Although I'm not in love with her, obviously.
We sit around at breakfast like a couple of traffic cones.
Well, I wish you luck, brother.
I am in the exact same situation.
You're breaking up with Amy? Why would you do that? She's the best part of you! No, I'm not breaking up with Amy.
I have to fire someone.
How is that the "exact same situation"? We're both letting someone go.
Do you know Frank in sales? There's a guy named Frankensales? Isn't he the guy who's always breaking the printer? No, wait.
Isn't he the guy who's always saying "ciao" instead of hello? No, he's the one that always making that weird popping noise when he shoots his finger guns, right? Alex told me I got to fire him, which is normally an executive responsibility, so I think she is grooming me for bigger things.
Firing a guy? Sounds serious.
I can handle it.
Yeah, you think so, but it's a whole nother story when the dude's standing right in front of you.
I'm not worried.
I'm about to bust a nut all over him.
What What did you just say? Bust a nut.
You know, send him packing.
Drop a load.
All those things mean exactly what you think they do.
Ciao, compadres.
Alex said you wanted to see me, Neal? I did.
And now I have.
And you look good.
All righty, then.
Oh, by the way, the printer's jammed.
Ciao, amigos.
What happened to busting a nut? I couldn't get it up with all you guys watching.
He's got to know what he's saying, right? I honestly have no idea.
Well, well, well, of all the Lebanese chicken joints in the city I haven't stopped coming here since you told me about it.
Amir's is the best.
I owe you one.
You're welcome.
This place is like a home away from home for me.
Gibbs! How are you, my friend? Doing great, Amir, doing great.
Uh, I will just have my usual.
You love your number six, eh, Gibbs? I'll put your order to the front of the line.
You're the best, a-town.
Hey, Amir.
What can I get you? I'll have my usual, too.
- Your usual what? - My usual order.
My friend, just tell me what you want.
The number 11.
I get it like twice a week.
If you say so.
One number 11 for Mr.
Pantene Pro-V here.
Amir, I've been a regular customer for years.
Oh, well, congratulations.
I will put your picture on my wall of "who gives a crap?" Gibbs, what's wrong with your friend? No, no, no, I'm not his friend.
He's my friend.
I'm the one who told him about this place.
Oh, so you're the reason for my success.
I thought it was the chicken recipe my grandmother died bringing into this country.
Now step aside.
You're holding up my line.
Can you believe this guy? It is really starting to back up.
Then Amir goes and gives Gibbs an extra dipping sauce for free, so then I asked for one, and he charges me a buck! Amir and I are friends.
We have nothing to apologize for.
I wouldn't take your apology anyway.
You'd probably charge me a buck for it.
I really wish I didn't ask you guys, "how was lunch?" Well, gentlemen, I did it.
You're looking at the world's first good-guy-breaker-upper.
I'm still working on the name.
Man, you did it? Yes, sir.
She even thanked me at the end.
How about "Lord Break Uppington of County Good Guy?" No sale.
Well, done, Milo.
I got to say, I am impressed.
Thank you.
It could not have gone any better.
She totally understood.
Hey, guys.
I'm gonna grab a quick shower, then we can watch the end of last week's "Bachelor.
" Man, she is being so brave.
How did she not understand you were breaking up with her? I thought I was so clear.
What exactly did you say? And that's why I think, for better or worse, things in a relationship oftentimes need to change, one way or the other, for a positive result for both parties.
It has to grow Or it dies.
I totally agree.
- That was not awesome.
- Far from it.
Most confusing breakup ever.
You're trying so hard to be the good guy, she doesn't even know you broke up with her.
Milo, I'm gonna tell you something my father told me "It's not an effective breakup if you're not single when it's done.
" And that is why I'm going to meet her tonight, where I will very nicely and clearly state the relationship is over.
I look forward to having this exact same conversation tomorrow.
Okay, there's probably a reason you're so worried about having to fire this person.
Maybe you feel a little bit guilty? Not really.
He's a bad salesman, he's rude to clients, and I'm starting to think he breaks the printer on purpose.
Then maybe it's just because you don't have any experience firing people.
Well, I got to figure it out.
The boss is counting on me.
Why don't you practice on me? Really? Okay.
Should I be me or Frank? How about you be you, I be Frank? Well, thanks for coming in, Frank.
You know, the reason I wanted to talk to you Are you firing me? Um - Keep going, honey! You're doing great! - Okay.
Okay, you see, Frank, your performance has been below par, and Oh, my God, you are firing me.
What did I ever do to you? Uh, it's not personal, it's just How much more personal does it get?! Well, listen, Frank, I understand this is tough.
You understand dick! Let's dance, four eyes! Well, I'm headed to meet Molly for a drink, and I'm ready to cut her loose in the nicest way possible.
Should I prepare my best-man speech now? Suck it, Tyler.
Hey, Tyler, I'm gonna have these photos ready for you by tomorrow.
Stop right there.
What the hell is that? It's an Amir's chicken oasis number one t-shirt.
So, now you're just rubbing it in? What? Amir gave it to me when I was there for lunch.
I tried to buy one of those last year, and he told me they weren't for sale.
Yeah, well, technically they're just for employees and V.
I've been going there since they opened, and he won't even give me the key to the bathroom.
Amir and I get along.
I tell him about my family.
And he tells me about his son at Ohio state, and his one-man show, "made in Amir-ica.
" And you - Never mind.
- Wh-what? Well, you just take your chicken and leave.
It's a take-out chicken place! Face it, you're not a get-to-know-people kind of guy.
- Sure, I am.
- Okay.
Who's that? That's the paycheck lady.
Love her.
Do you know anything about her? Yeah, she brings me money every Friday.
Hey, Rhonda.
How was that date with the U.
guy? Oh, I got a story.
You got time later? Always, Rhonda.
And that is why, Frank, youarefired.
- You did it! - I did it.
Now, no matter how bad it gets with the real Frank, you'll be ready.
Thank you.
But did you really have to mime having sex with my skull? You made Frank mad.
We haven't met for happy-hour drinks in a while.
Yeah, well, I thought it'd be nice for us to have a little sit-down chat.
About what? Um, nothing.
You know, just a good guy talking to a good girl in a clear way.
Clearly thought we'd have a table by now, though.
You're recording all of our shows tonight, right? Yeah.
"Cake boss"? Got 'em all.
Man, they are busy, huh? Well, we could just come back tomorrow.
Uh, I kind of want to get it done tonight.
You know, the whole good-guy talking thing.
Oh, two spots at the bar! Go! Go! Um, I want to tell you something, and I want to be very clear about it.
Take a seat.
Ow! Oh, my God, are you okay? I think I just broke my ankle.
Hey, speaking of painful breaks Ow! Ohh! Let's get you to the hospital.
Frank seemed pretty employed yesterday for a guy that got fired.
Well, it's happening today.
I'm gonna "f" him right in the "a.
" What? Fire him right in the ad-sales office.
You seem pretty confident for a guy who couldn't pull the trigger yesterday.
Well, Amy and I did some role playing last night.
- Okay! - That's great! About firing Frank.
- Aw, man.
- Why did you say it like that? Oh, look who it is "The Duchess of Break Uppington.
" How'd it go? It didn't happen.
Molly fell off her barstool.
And I had to take her to the hospital.
Whoa! So, when are you gonna do it? I'm thinking six to eight weeks, if she sticks with her physical therapy.
Milo, Milo, Milo.
It's like my father always says, "just because she's injured doesn't mean you have to stay her boyfriend.
" Your father seems to have a lot of breakup insights.
He's a wise man A wise and lonely man.
Well, you got to stop this before it goes any deeper.
I'll do it tonight.
Right after I pick up her pain medication.
Hey, and if you wuss out again, you can always bring in Neal to drop a load on her.
I'd be happy to do it, Milo.
Ciao, Neal.
Just take a seat, Frank.
Where do you want me to take it? Okay, put down the chair.
All right.
You, chair, are a real la-z-boy.
Stop doing silly things.
This is serious.
I'm gonna cut right to the chase.
You know, I-I need to stop you right there, compadre.
I'm here to give you my dos-weeks notice.
What? Dos.
It means "two" in español.
I've been offered another job.
No, no.
You can't leave yet.
Hey, pal, I am sorry to see me go, too.
No, you don't understand.
I have something I need to say to you.
Oh, no, no, no, I wish you wouldn't.
I get all emotional at goodbyes myself, so, um, I'm just gonna split before we flood this place With our tears.
I was supposed to "f" you in the "a.
" Ciao, Neal.
What's up, Ty? Marhaba.
Excuse me? It means "hello" in arabic.
You know how I know that? I make an effort.
Can I get my chicken before you make a fool of yourself? Hey, it's my number-one customer, Gibbs! I saw you in line, put in your order already.
What do you want, guy? Marhaba.
Awkwardly formal hello to you, too.
What do you want? I want to know a little more about a guy named Amir.
What do you do on weekends? What are your hobbies? What's your name again? It's Tyler.
Okay, Tyler, you're freaking me out.
Now get out of the way.
Next! Dude, dude, dude, what what are you doing? I was taking your advice, trying to get to know Amir better.
You know, you're stalking a middle-aged Lebanese man.
Gibbs, here is your order.
I upgraded your drink to a large.
And this time don't share your dipping sauce with Taylor Swift over here.
You're the man, Amir.
So, listen, if you're interested, I have someone to set you up with.
I never say no to a setup.
- Good man.
- So, who is it? My son, Rashid.
He is a gay, like you.
I thought maybe you two could get a coffee, get to know each other.
I'd love to.
I'll let him know.
You're right, Gibbs.
You are much better with people than me.
Hey, give Rashid a marhaba from me.
- There you go.
How's that? - That's great.
And thanks again for picking up the elevation wedge.
No problem.
I was planning on going to Staten Island anyway.
You're such a good guy.
I'm really glad you feel that way.
And with that in mind I think we should break up.
You did it? That's great! - Not great.
- So, that's it? I just wasted the last two months of my life?! Two months isn't really that long.
Molly, don't go.
Why wouldn't I go? You just broke up with me.
- True.
- In a bar.
To be fair, I did try and do it in that nice restaurant.
Oh, my God! How long have you been wanting to do this? Let's not get all caught up in all that.
I just I just want to make sure that you're not leaving mad.
Of course I'm mad.
Well, mad that we broke up, sure.
But you still think I'm a good guy, right? Wrong.
Molly, wait.
Ohh! Ohh! Can we get the check? So, you stabbed her with a fork, you broke her ankle, you knocked her over, you spilled a beer on her, and then dumped her? Yeah, we might need to find a new bar.
So, in your efforts to be a good guy, you became What's the opposite of a good guy? I am a bad guy.
There it is.
I wish I got to be a bad guy.
Stupid Frank had to get a job at the stupid New Yorker.
It's okay, honey.
I like that you're a good guy and not a bad guy.
Although, being a good guy might be slightly overrated.
It's really good chicken.
Hey, "Franklin & Bash"! "Amir-ican gangster.
" So, how goes it? All good in my hood.
I just got a new jobby-job.
What? Look at you, moving in "Frank-forward.
" To celebrate your new job, free chicken for a month.
What? You are the best.
You are.
Ah! What do you want, guy? Can I get the key to the bathroom? Sorry.
It's for employees only and V.