Milo Murphy's Law (2016) Episode Scripts

N/A - Rooting for the Enemy

1 [TITLE MUSIC] # Look at that sun Look at that sky # # Look at my sweater vest I look so fly # # Look at that mailbox Look at that tree # # It's about as beautiful as it can be # # Whoa # Today is gonna be exceptional Never boring even for a minute # It's my world and we're all livin' in it # # Whoa, whoa # Never boring even for a minute # It's my world and we're all livin' in it # [CHANTING] We're the Geckos! We've got class.
We're gonna climb right up your glass! Go, Geckos! I never understood why people need a rally to get peppy.
Does that make you feel peppier? [GROANING] Yeah, it kinda does.
Oh, hey, Melissa.
Mind if I join you? Sure, Bradley, have a seat.
[GRUNTING] - Hello, Milo.
- Hi, Bradley.
[CLEARS THROAT] All right listen up, Geckos.
[SIGHS] I'm not gonna lie to you.
We're gonna lose today and we're gonna lose hard.
Middletown Middle School has intentionally failed all its best eighth grade players for six years straight now, so we're basically playing against a group of angry adults.
We'll be lucky if we make it out of there with all our limbs.
But that's no reason not to get out there - and give it the old middle school try! - It isn't? If you need me, I'll be in my office staring into space.
Oh, yeah, and in the meantime, let's enjoy some peppy songs from our Jefferson County Middle School defunded marching band.
[PLAYING OUT OF TUNE] - Now that makes me feel peppy.
- No, Milo, don't tap.
Remember what happened last time? MILO: What happened last time? [ALL YELLING] - Oh, now I remember.
- MELISSA: Dude, you're on my didgeridoo.
You guys are coming, right? It is my first game as part of the team.
Oh, my gecko, I would love to.
I haven't been in years.
Last time he came, there was a llama stampede.
- Llama stampede? - You know, they can spit 15 feet.
I haven't been to a game since.
I do get nice thank you notes from the team, though.
You know, for staying away.
[WIND BLOWING] [CAT YOWLS] [HORN HONKING] [CAR CRASHES] [CHICKENS CLUCKING] Milo and I have had a "Not Football Friday" tradition for years.
"Not Football Friday"? Yep.
We used to bowl, but now we do things without dangerously heavy round objects.
Like, play cards.
[GORILLA GRUNTING] It's still safer than bowling! [CAT YOWLS] [HORN HONKING] [CAR CRASHES] [CHICKENS CLUCKING] - But it's my first game, guys.
- It sounds fun, but I try to support the team by staying away.
Hey, Milo, Coach said you could come to this game, 'cause it's the one game you can't ruin, - on account of we're gonna lose.
- Really? Oh, yeah.
They're better than us.
Plus, I've got a blockage in my fourth chakra.
Can't argue with a blocked chakra.
I'm going! - Sorry, Mort! - No, I don't think that was Murphy's Law.
I think that was my chakra.
MILO: This is gonna be awesome! You know how they say the twelfth man is the crowd? Well, I'm 12.
5! Whoo! It's the wave! 'Course, it works better with the whole crowd.
Are you sure you wanna go to this game? 'Cause we could go to the empty Pistachio warehouse and explore.
It's Zack's first game and they're gonna lose.
It'll be great! [LOUD CRASH] [SCREAMING] [TURNS OFF CD] You like my new CD? It's called "Sounds of Disaster.
" [CAR CRASHING] [CRACKLING] That was an antique.
[CAT YOWLS] [HORN HONKING] [CAR CRASHES] [CHICKENS CLUCKING] This is gonna be fun.
I can't wait to do the wave in public.
[PANTING AND BARKING] Oh, sorry, Diogee.
No dogs at the football game.
You have to stay home.
[DOORBELL RINGS] Come on in.
Wow, the Tiger fans are certainly excited.
ALL: Yeah! Whoo! Go, Tigers! Yeah! [GRUNTING] Yeah! [GRUNTING] [PLAYERS GRUNTING] It's a good thing we're right next to a hospital.
Hey, look! Here come the Geckos! [PLAYERS GRUNTING] PLAYER: Has anyone got any Thank you.
[CHANTING] Who-hoo! Gecko, Gecko, Gecko, Geck [GROANS] Hey, Joni, wanna sit with us? Hey, Milo.
I just got the cast off from last time.
- Hi, Principal Milder.
- Melissa.
Milo?! [CHUCKLES] Good to see ya.
[GROANS] I was under the impression you promised Coach Mitchell you would never show up at a game.
No, it's okay, 'cause we're gonna lose anyway.
- The coach said so at the pep rally.
- Did he? I'm gonna have to explain "pep" to that man.
Oh, look, there's the band! Hi, band! ALL: Hi, Milo.
[ALL MURMURING] [BOY WHISPERS] Move over! The one Milo-free zone ruined.
Hey, Melissa, you can sit with us if you value your life.
We're outside the splatter zone.
No thanks.
I've got an adequate buffer zone here.
Hey! Do you mind? Oh, Diogee.
You should go home.
[WHINING] He's not supposed to be at the football game.
ANNOUNCER: Tigers kick off to the Geckos and here we go! [SQUAWKS] [GROANING] Hut, hut! Yeah! Whoo! Go Geckos! [CRASHES] MORT: That could still be my chakra.
Dude, we have a tuba? You can do it! Geck-go! Geck-go! Crepes suzette! Get your crepes suzette here.
Stinky cheese! [FRENCH MUSIC] - Beignets - Oh, I'll take two.
Sorry, we are closed.
Wow, French food at a football game? They tried selling German sausages but they were the worst.
[DRUM ROLL] Check it out! I found a snare drum! [CROWD CHEERING] Oh, look! Zack's going on.
[CHANTING] Zack, Zack! He's our man.
If he can't do it Look out! Creme brulee.
Get your creme brulee.
Ooh! That was probably my bad.
- That should count for something.
- We could still win.
You know, if the Tigers all suddenly came down with a really bad cold or if they suddenly decided they wanted to be folk musicians instead of athletes or - You know, you can stop me any time.
- Yeah! Who would've guessed the game would be ruined? Color me surprised.
Hmm.
What's the one thing that's different at this game? - I don't know.
I'm not usually here.
- Maybe things would've gone better if you'd cheered for the other team.
Yeah.
[CHUCKLES] Go Tigers! [MUSIC] [GRUNTS] [YELPS] [TIGER PLAYERS GRUNTING] [YELLING] [ALL GASP] Great googly moogly! It works! Milo, I've got an idea.
Give me all the merchandise you've got for the Middletown Tigers.
- Aren't you guys Geckos? - You want the sale or not? Hey, man.
I've got no horse in this race.
[MUSIC] # I got a big foam finger # # I got a new routine # We're gonna turn the tables, rootin' for the enemy # I got a T-shirt and pompoms # Y'know, this stuff ain't free I spent $17 rootin' for the enemy It's a little counter-intuitive It's a paradoxical scheme 'Cause you'd think it'd all be ruined if I backed the other team # You know I got a new perspective # - # I don't expect you to come along # - You! Get running! I got a new hat and banner and I got a new song # Rootin' for the enemy # # I got a big foam finger I got a new routine # # Gonna turn the tables, rootin' for the enemy # # I got a T-shirt and pompoms # You know, this stuff ain't free # I spent $17 rootin' for the enemy # # I got a big foam finger # [WHISLTE BLOWS] Time out! Gecko! Okay, Geckos.
Come on, bring it in.
I know I said we were going to lose this game, but you guys didn't listen to me! And I'm glad! Now, we're only behind by two points! So get out there and continue not listening to me! You understand? So, does that mean we shouldn't listen to you starting now or before when you told us not to listen to you? Yeah, because I wasn't really listening to you just now.
Would you I don't even exist! Go, go, go, go! Go, Gecko! Go, Tigers, go! [GROANS] [GRUNTS] [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING] My eyes! Well, good thing we got this drill.
Digging this tunnel with these little shovels would've been really hard.
[RUMBLING] Run! [WHIRRING] Hey! [ALL YELLING] [CAT YOWLS] [LOUD CLANG] Now I can play the tuba! Zack! Field goal! Drop kick! No one's used that play in 40 years! Bring it back, baby! Oh, no! It's going wide! Field goal! I mean, field goal! Oh! I should probably turn this thing off.
We won? This has gotta be a dream.
Well, that means I can do anything.
Maybe I can fly! [GRUNTS] [ALL CHEERING] [ALL CHANTING] Milo, Milo, Milo! BOY: Whoo! It's like Football X-7! [CHANTING CONTINUES] Ow! I forgot about that.
MILO: Ow! Are you guys okay? MILO: I think I broke my thumb.
Well, looks like we've started a whole new tradition! Traction Saturday! [KNOCK ON DOOR] [ALL GREETING MILO] [CHANTING] Milo, Milo, get well soon! Your presence today was very supportive! Yeah, we wrote that one in the hall.
Here you go, buddy.
The game ball.
- We want you to have it.
- Oh, my gosh.
Cool! Hey, any of you guys want to sign my cast? MILO: Diogee, go home! He's not supposed to be at the hospital.
[BARKS] The train to the Museum of Natural History should be here any Forty-one seconds.
Forty-one seconds from now, apparently.
I'm really looking forward to seeing some paleontology, archeology - all the ologies, really.
- Milo, you're an ology unto yourself.
Oh! Forgot my student discount.
[BEEPS] Thanks, Amanda.
Melissa, is there ever a time you haven't forgotten something? Yeah, February 30th or 31st I forget.
- Neither of those are dates.
- I'll be giving a tour for anyone who's not going to be at the "Milo Show".
Bradley, I don't have a performance planned.
Sure, you say that now, but then one geyser comes through the floor, and suddenly, Milo's the center of attention.
- Oops! I'm stuck.
- Cue geyser.
[ALL LAUGHING] Whoa, whoa, whoa! Interesting tidbit about the Museum of Natural History, it was Shh! We're watching Milo in the turnstile.
It's like he's on Cirque du Subway.
[YELLS] Should we wait for the next one? Nah, he's got it.
In three, two, one [YELLING] This floor is a lot cleaner than I expected.
MAN: [ON PA] Next stop, the Museum of Natural History.
- So, this is the subway? - You've never been on it? It's dark and dirty and full of weird smells.
That was their ad campaign last year.
[WIND HOWLING IN DISTANCE] Hey, you guys ever hear about those mole people? - [NERVOUSLY] No.
- The urban legend? A subspecies of humanish creatures roaming the tunnels searching for prey.
- Maybe we'll meet some.
- Rather meet them aboveground.
Then they wouldn't be mole people, they'd be People.
[THUDDING] Does it usually do this? Well, sometimes.
When the coupling's loose.
ZACK: The coupling's loose? What does that even mean? - I better put on my seat belt.
- How's that going to work? Easy, you insert the tab into the buckle until you hear a click.
Like this.
[BOTH GRUNT] Oh, I get it now.
I would've had extras, but you know, the llama incident.
And so, that's when the planetarium removed Pluto - from the cosmo show.
- Man, Pluto has to be a planet.
An astrologer told me it's in my fourth house.
No, Pluto [THUDDING] The other car came off! Milo's in there.
Of course he is.
So, that's what a runaway train car looks like.
I'll be honest, I'm a little disappointed.
[MUSIC] [ZACK YELLING] [RUMBLING] [SCREAMING] Well, at least we're aboveground.
[CHUCKLES] [YELLING] [ZACK AND MELISSA YELLING] [BATS SCREECHING] [BOTH SCREAMING] MILO: And then to unbuckle it, you press down this button.
[CLICKS] [EXHALES] Locked.
How can these be locked? Does it usually do this? [GRUNTS] The windows don't open either.
What is the point of a window that doesn't open? It provides work for window washers and glass installation professionals.
And the ceiling.
Is there usually a ceiling? [BREATHING HEAVILY] - Zack, are you by chance claustro - Not claustrophobic.
Just claustro-avoidant.
I avoid enclosed places when possible.
Probably not possible right now.
- It's better if I'm distracted.
- Okay, wait.
- Not helping.
- How about this? [ACCORDION PLAYING] Now I'm distracted.
Have you been carrying that the whole time? I try to pack for any eventuality.
Now let's see about getting those doors open.
Ah, here we go.
Okay, next time, key first, tap dancing later.
- This is amazing.
- Look! A fossil! Chicken wing.
Circa 1993.
See? Nothing can live under here! Not even chickens.
- Could be worse.
- How? Mysterious underground creatures? I guess that would be worse.
No, mysterious underground creatures are coming towards us.
[MUSIC] Silver lining, things can live down here.
MAN: Someone hit the lights.
[CLICKS] Huh, I'll be honest.
I'm a little disappointed.
Young people from the overland.
You shall be our leaders! - No, no, we have a leader.
It's Dave.
- 'Sup? It's a democratic hierarchical society.
Wait a minute.
Who are you guys? We live below.
The call us the "Belownies.
" No, they don't, Scott.
We voted on this.
"Belownies" sounds like a lunch meat.
We're called the Undergrounders.
I am the wise healer among my peoples.
- He is a pipe fitter.
- Where are we? We call our world Subterranus.
[SOFTLY] Terranus, terranus That one's true.
He just wanted it so badly.
- I wore them down.
- So, where you kids headed? Class trip to the museum.
I helped organize it.
He shall be our leader.
How long have you been down here? Since the before times.
Uh, about a month, actually.
We were building an extension on this line but we got lost, so we figured we'd better establish a new civilization.
Wow! You established a new civilization in a month? You'd be surprised how much you can get done when you're not constantly setting up and moving orange cones.
- I shall be the leader! - Seriously, Scott.
So, you've got agriculture, art, rudimentary government Licorice, somehow.
You're actually going to eat that? I'm trying to distract myself from the walls moving in on us.
I wonder what part of the chicken is this? - The rat part.
- Granola bars? Oh.
He bears the sweet manna of the overland! Oh, no thanks.
I just had some "chicken" and kinda lost my appetite.
[SNIFFING] Diogee? What are you doing here? Please be rescuing us.
The floppy-eared one shall be our leader.
Weren't you allergic to dogs? Oh Right, you know what? Yeah, yeah, I actually am.
Wait, Diogee, our leader.
We are not starting our own civilization.
They taste worse than they smell.
Diogee always knows the way home.
Diogee, go home! [ALL CHEERING] MAN: I enjoy running.
[GRUNTS] [RUMBLING] [BOTH YELLING] No! Melissa! Milo! ZACK: Are you guys okay? Yeah, we're okay, if you call being buried alive okay.
I see light pass this one rock.
Maybe if we can move [GRUNTS] No, no, it won't budge.
Don't worry.
I've got my backpack right What was that? Hmm.
Well, okay, maybe you can worry a little bit.
[GASPS] Oh, dear.
13, 14, 15 Oh! I could swear we had 18 kids.
Can you read my writing? Is that a five or an eight? Any minute now, Milo is going to show up and everybody is gonna be like, "Oh, Milo, tell us about your adventure.
" But until then, I'm having my best day ever.
Mort, do you really need more rose quartz? If you understood its properties, you wouldn't be asking me that.
Okay, here's the plan.
Someone crawl though and jimmy out that rock from the front.
I don't think any of us can fit.
I can fit, I think.
But, Zack, you're claustro-avoidant.
Are you sure you wanna do this? No, I'm sure I don't wanna do it.
But you guys need me.
- MAN: Good luck, kid.
- SCOTT: It was nice knowing you.
- Hey, that was my flashlight.
- MAN: Scott SCOTT: But he's gonna use up the batteries.
- Is there another flashlight in there? - SCOTT: See? - My backup "backup" got crushed.
- I can barely see.
Not much to see, just kind of a tiny enclosed suffocating - You know what? Never mind.
- You can do this.
Think of how you faced down wolves and survived an alien abduction.
And that's just since we've met.
I'm sure you did lots of stuff before that.
Nope, never did anything.
What if this rock is all that's holding this up? Don't worry.
I'm sure it'll all work out.
How do you know? - Because it has so far.
- Relatively speaking? Okay, on three.
One, two, three! - It's clear! Yeah! - Yeah! See? I told you it would hold.
- Well, it held long enough.
- You totally saved us.
He shall be our leader.
- BOTH: Yeah, he shall.
- Thanks, guys.
I am impressed, kid.
I would've just let them start a new society in there.
Hey, where's Diogee? [BARKS] ALL: Diogee! [BARKS] [MUSIC] You know, we have no idea where these tracks go.
I'm sure it'll all work out.
- You're sure? - He uses that term loosely.
MILO: Uh-oh.
I got this.
Ooh.
Or not.
[ALL SCREAMING] Oh, we survived.
- Uh-oh.
- Maybe not.
SCOTT: Oh, come on! Yeah, I guess, maybe if you squint, it could be a five.
[STUDENTS EXCLAIMING] Nope, it was an eight.
[CHUCKLES] - Milo, tell us about your adventure.
- And we're back.
What will you guys do now? There is no place in your world for us now.
Then you can stay, Scott.
Me, I'm gonna go check my DVR.
I've got a month of the Doctor Zone Files to catch up on.
Oh, that means you missed it when the trash No spoilers.
[ALL SAYING GOODBYE] I shall return to Subterranus.
[SOFTLY] Terranus, terranus And you will be my leader.
Oh, sorry, I'm trapped in a rib cage right now.
- Interesting tidbit, stegosaurus ribs are - Never mind.
[CACKLING] He saw something in me.
Whatever he saw, he also saw it in a dog.
[IMITATING SCOTT] The floppy eared one will be our leader.
[BARKS] [MUSIC] We're all livin' in it Go, Milo Go, Milo, go MILO: # Oh, thanks, everybody That is so motivational # Go, Milo Go, Milo, go Whoa I'm not sitting here watching the world turn You know I'd rather spin it Go, Milo Go, Milo, go It's my world and we're all livin' in it