Mount Pleasant (2011) s05e03 Episode Script

Season 5, Episode 3

Guess what! I've got a new agent! This place will take months to finish.
We won't make it! It'll be nice having someone living upstairs.
I'll be able to nip up for the occasional nightcap after work.
I'm going to do it.
I'm going to sign up first thing.
Going to sign up? Yeah, to your gym.
Get a personal trainer, you know, and all that malarkey.
You thought I'd taken it, didn't you? What's going on? I don't know.
Making friends everywhere today, aren't you? Sorry, I was starving.
I hope you don't mind.
Rise and shine! Oh, it's a big day today, Dan.
Are you excited? I don't know, I've just woken up.
This is what you'll be wearing.
Me suit?! Of course.
After the grand opening, I want us all to go outside and have our photograph taken.
This is a momentous occasion, Dan.
In years to come, when there's a whole franchise of Fersa up and down the country, Molly's great-great-grandchild will have that photograph hanging on the wall at Fersa's corporate HQ.
What?! What do you reckon? Pretty sharp, eh? What have you got that on for?! Because you brought it into my room, put it on my wardrobe and said, "You're wearing this.
" But not for five hours.
It'll get creased.
Get it off! Has she been there all night? No idea.
I'm going to get Finn to show us how to pin lock this thing.
Right, that's me off now.
My holiday's officially over.
I'll see you tonight.
Huh? Eh?! Hang on! You've only been off two weeks, you can't have forgotten that quickly.
You do not go to work without laying one here first.
Just in case, right? Uh-huh.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Love's young dream, eh? What?! Are you having a laugh? I bet she's older than me.
Do you reckon? Morning, Lisa.
Barry.
What are you wearing?! You told me to take me suit off.
Well, I didn't know it was a choice between that and your undercrackers.
Get inside! Morning.
Your mobile was ringing earlier.
I didn't answer it cos I thought it might be Bradley.
Bradley won't ring me.
Not after the other night.
Oh, for God's sake! It's my brother.
Denise Bradwell? Yes.
Lacey sent me.
They said they were ordering me a taxi.
You've just signed up with the agency, have you? Yeah, a few days ago.
Yeah, thought so.
Well this is your taxi.
Oh! Oh, hello.
Oh, it's you.
What happened to you the other day? I thought you were going to meet me down here? Well, I A funeral came up, sort of last-minute rush job affair.
You know, nothing I could do about it.
Oh, well, not to worry.
I got given the grand tour anyway and now I am signing up.
Personal trainer, the works.
Personal? But who who's your personal trainer? All signed up then are we, Fergus? Good stuff.
Let the punishment begin.
Oh, hello, Roger.
I didn't know you were in today? No, you know, I was just passing through.
Well, you know, not passing through as such, sort of a spare morning, so I just popped in to see if you could fit me in, but I can see you're already busy.
So So Amita's your trainer as well? Yes.
Oh, you two to know each other? Yeah, me and Roger go back years.
Well, I wouldn't say years.
Well, that's perfect.
You know, it's great if we can friends to train together, motivate each other.
What, you mean, two abs are better than one, sort of thing? Exactly.
As long as you're both up for it? Oh, it sounds good to me.
Roger? Er Yes, of course.
Great! Well, go get changed and I'll see you out there.
Thanks.
Come on then.
All right, mate.
I'd ask if everything's OK, but I guess it'd be a stupid question.
My dad's dying.
I'm so sorry.
You never talk much about your family.
I haven't seen any of them for almost 20 years.
My dad and my brothers never exactly approved of Bradley.
Always had to stay two steps ahead of Gus.
We could never let anyone know where we were.
That's the first I've heard of any of them since we moved here.
Can I ask what exactly is it then? It's cancer.
How long does he have? He's flying out there later tonight.
Fly? Dad's in Canada.
I'm going to need you to start filling out one of these every day, please, Fergus.
Bring 'em in with you.
Oh, right, yeah.
Calorie intake and all that jazz.
Alcohol! Bloody hell, Roger, what you do, staple another couple of A4s to the back? Roger's been good actually, down to 20 units a week.
What?! Do you, er smoke, Fergus? No, it's a mug's game.
And have you ever been on any regular form of exercise regime before? Not since school.
School? Yeah, I was kind of into all that back then.
I was in the cross-country team for three years.
Are you writing that down?! Well, I didn't know you wanted stuff from that far back, you should have said something.
Could you adjust mine now, please, because when I was at school, I was captain of the rugby squad.
You were?! Yes, I was.
What position did you play? Erm I don't remember, it was somewhere in the middle.
I'll be sure to make a note of it.
Right, are you guys all right for another 10 minutes? Sure.
Make it 20.
Nice tracksuit by the way, Fergus.
Ah, cheers.
Right.
Well, I can't sit around here all day.
Greg and I have been online.
We've been checking out flights to Canada.
There's one from Heathrow at 7:30.
I can't just suddenly fly off to Canada.
Why not? Well, you know why.
No, you're not going to let him do this to you.
Bradley's already the reason you haven't seen your father for the past 20 years, don't let him keep on being it.
Greg and I can handle Dad.
If you don't go, all you'll do is spend the next couple of weeks sat there waiting for the phone to ring.
And then it'll be too late.
Greg's right.
All you'll have left is regret.
And I kind of think you've had enough of that in your life already.
Don't you? Oh, sit down, I'm not the Pope.
Well, they paid in advance.
Just sign where I've marked.
How was it? Oh, good, yeah.
The pamphlet's going to have loads of people on the front apparently, all representing different jobs and that.
They had me in a white blouse and a black skirt, I was meant to be a genetic office worker.
Uh.
.
you mean generic? No, I'm pretty sure they said genetic.
Right.
OK, well, I know it wasn't the most exciting of first assignments, but I just wanted to demonstrate how quickly and easily we could find you work.
Well, thanks for popping in to sign that, it makes things a lot speedier.
Also, we'd like to get you back in soon for some new head shots, I'm not super-keen on sending out some of those old ones.
Oh, OK, if you like.
I'll get Paul to arrange something.
Just out of interest, have you ever given any thought to? Well, we like to call it "improving on perfection".
Or less subtly, cosmetic enhancement.
W-W-What do you mean? Oh, God, nothing major, just a little plumping.
Hmm? I'll get you a leaflet.
All right? Just popping out for the afternoon.
I did say, didn't I? Kaz is covering.
You don't have to run it past me, you're the manager, I'm just a lazy sod who pockets of profits every week.
You look very nice.
Do I? Oh ta.
Oh, that reminds me, I've got something for you.
it was actually a gift from another client I'm helping out, a jeweller, a very grateful type.
He told me to give it to my wife.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that she walked out on me six years ago.
It doesn't quite suit me, so I figured I may as well give it to you as a thank you for all you've done.
Oh, I see.
I don't really know what to say.
Thank you.
Well, it would've only sat in that drawer otherwise.
It goes very nice with that dress of yours.
Where you have two anyway, a wedding or something? Oh, nothing so exciting.
Me daughter-in-law's opening a new business, wants all the family there for some reason.
Tell her to bring 'em all back here to celebrate.
You've not had a lock-in yet have you? Have you? No, I have not! They're legal, aren't they? Only if you're selling.
A private party, 10 or 11 guests, pre-paid 200 quid tab behind the bar, you'll be fine.
Are you serious? Yeah.
Toast this new business of hers and toast your first week here, and keep sweet a load of patrons, who'll hopefully be lining my pockets for years to come.
Makes sense actually.
I'll fill the till before I leave.
Right.
OK, then.
Thanks.
That's all right.
Er why don't you come too? I mean, since you're paying for it an' all.
Well, I'll see how I'm fixed.
You will be all right, won't you? We'll be fine.
And and you'll ring if anything Well, if anything happens? Nothing's going to happen.
Are you OK? What if he doesn't want to see me? Who in their right mind would ever not want to see you? OK, erm I'll call you from the airport and then at the stopover and then again when I land.
I'm proud of you, Mum.
I love you both.
OK.
Bye.
Bye.
Hi.
Terry and Margaret are here.
Oh, thanks, Dad.
Terry and Margaret? What did you ask them for? Uncle Terry is our official photographer.
He's good with a camera is our Terry.
He got a picture in a magazine once.
Oh, God! It wasn't Readers Wives, was it? Just leave it.
It's fine.
No, it's not fine! Oh! That'll be Denise.
Dad, will you sort this, please? Of course, flower.
Eh, do you know who we look like? The Blues Brothers! Hiya, love.
You look amazing! Oh, thanks.
So do you.
# Everybody needs somebody # I need you, you, you # I need you, you, you In the morning! You, you, you! Come through here, love.
It's mildly saner.
Ooh, ya bugger! All right? # I need you I need you, you, you Oh, yeah! That was great! I feel really invigorated.
You say that now, wait until the morning.
You'll wake up stiff as a corpse.
I always do.
Usually have to give it five minutes before I can have a slash.
Anyway, I wasn't talking about the work-out, I was just talking generally.
I really feel like I'm I don't know, taking control of me life again.
That's what I like to hear.
Fix the body, fix the mind.
That's our philosophy.
So are we both happy to continue working this as a pair? Absolutely! Er, well, actually Look, the thing is I don't really have set hours in my job, so I don't really know where I'm going to be day-to-day.
So perhaps it'd be better No, that's not a problem.
Perks of running my own business.
I can just fit in with Roger's hours.
Great! Great! You know, you are not what I expected a personal trainer to be like.
Oh? No, I thought you'd be built like a German shot putter or something.
Ah, the PE mistress cliches.
Yeah, Doc Martens and short hair.
Right.
Right, yeah.
Turn-ups and a lumberjack shirt.
Yeah, yeah, or like like a prison guard.
A woman.
You know, like a female prison guard.
Like her.
So, I'd better shoot.
I've got this Fersa opening thingy to do and Lisa will go spare if I'm late.
Just let me know what time you've put us down for.
Yeah.
See you later.
No, thanks.
I-I-I wasn't asking if you wanted it doing, I was just wondering if you'd heard anything about it? Yes.
I've heard they can explode on aeroplanes.
Oh, dear! What about ferries? Eh, Margaret, I know a good operation you could have done on your gob.
Zip it! Hey, Barry, did you hear what I said? I said, "I know a good operation you can have on your gob.
" I went - "Zip it!" I think I've had quite enough of hospitals, thank you very much.
Yeah.
How did you do that anyway? Well, it weren't my fault! We were trying something new.
I'll just see where Lisa and Dan are.
Can you help me, Dan? What's it look like I'm doing? I don't know why you keep messing with her anyway, she looks fine.
Yeah, she looks fine, your tie looks fine.
You wouldn't mind if we all turned up in shell suits, would ya? I just don't know why you're making such a big song and dance about all this.
It's not like you've bought out Microsoft.
All you're doing is moving from a warehouse to a high street.
This happens to be the most important day of my life! Oh Oh, really? So where does that leave our wedding day or the birth of our daughter? That's not what I meant and you know it! Why are you being like this?! Why am I being like what?! Is, er is everything all right? That'll be Pauline.
Dad, could you help me with Molly, please? Of course, love.
Thanks.
Come here, sweetie.
They got you to add some glamour to the occasion, eh? Mum.
All right, Dan.
Hey, your tie looks smart.
Who did that? I did! Yeah, right.
Eh, party in the pub tonight, after hours.
You'll come, won't ya? What? A lock-in? Aren't they illegal? Not this one.
All bought and paid for.
Trevor's give us a 200 quid tab behind the bar.
Why would he do that? Did you catch that, Lisa? Late-night party at the Dog and Dart tonight to celebrate all your success.
Oh! Nice to know that someone recognises my achievements.
That's very nice of you, Pauline.
Dad, can you bring Molly down? Hey, and you two.
Come on, we're off.
Who else is here? Now then, Pauline.
Terry.
Margaret.
What's all this about a party? What do you want? Well, first of all, sorry for all the theatrics the other night.
Put it down to a post-release high.
You know how it is? Actually, you probably do, don't you? And, secondly, I just wanted to let you know that I've spoken to a solicitor, but it's all good.
I think we've come up with a fair solution that lets us all just get on with our lives.
And what solution would that be? No offence, but I think I should probably be having this discussion with the lady of the manor, don't you? Yeah, well, she's not here.
In fact, she's gone away.
Won't be back for two weeks.
You'll have to wait till then.
She's gone away, has she? How convenient.
And where's she supposed to have gone? To see her dad.
He's got cancer.
Oh,I'm sorry to hear that.
Has Ella gone with her? She doesn't even know that side of the family.
You saw to that.
What, she's stopping here with you? You?! You and my teenage daughter.
She's 20.
Is that supposed to be funny? I'll tell her you called.
What the hell do you think you're doing?! You want to shut that front door, mate, cos if you think I'm going anywhere now, you're even stupider than you look.
It looks amazing! Oh, it's brill, Lisa.
I can't believe how far you've come.
To think only a few years ago, you were just another genetic office worker.
Didn't this used to be a Woolies? Right.
Oh, you're not serious?! Where on earth is Fergus?! I knew somebody'd be late.
What time is it? Oh! What's that? Where'd you get that from? It was a present.
From who? Trevor.
To mark me first week.
What is it with this guy?! He gives you a job out of the blue, a 200 quid tab behind the bar, and an expensive watch all for working there a week?! What's it got to do with you? What is it? Your dad's here.
What?! 'Not content with giving it a new lick of paint' Ella.
What are you doing here? What do you want? To see you.
Mum's not here.
And if she knew that you were, then You need to leave or we'll call the police.
I don't think you would.
I'm not breaking any laws.
Like it or not, this is still my house.
And until Tanya gets back, I don't want you alone in it.
I'm sorry, but that's how it is.
Yeah, but I'm not alone.
If if you want me to go, there's only one thing that'll make me do it.
And that's if you can stand there right now and tell me that you never, ever want to see me again.
You say that and I'm gone.
I'll take the spare room.
You won't even know I'm here.
The gym?! You?! Yeah.
Yeah! Oh, I don't believe it.
I've not brought the scissors.
Oh! How have I forgotten the scissors?! I put 'em right next to me keys so I wouldn't! What, on that little table? I'm sorry, flower, but you can't leave scissors out like that, not with our Molly running about.
Oh, don't worry, Lisa - Jenna will have some.
No, Denise, wait What's wrong with ya?! What did you let her do that for? You must have tools in the van.
I've got an hacksaw.
Would that have done ya? This were never a Woolies.
Yes, it was.
All right, love.
Oh, hi, Pauline.
You know everyone, don't ya? Oh, this is Terry and Margaret.
Did this used to be a Woolies? Sorry?! Oh, for God's sake! .
.
please? Of course.
Thank you.
Fergus.
Right.
Oh, Margaret! Terry! I wasn't Right.
Er, yeah timer.
Timer.
Are you sure you know what you're doing? Of course I do.
Like I told ya, practically semi-pro me.
I even got published by that magazine.
You told them about that?! Right, everyone.
Three, two, one.
Fersa! 'The first question.
K is the symbol for which element? 'Salt.
' I'll have one, if it's going.
'No, that's incorrect.
Potassium.
' Completely up to you how we do this, Greg.
If you don't fancy playing nice, we don't have to.
I don't play at all.
That's good.
Did you get that from a film? What's this? Running away? Remember you did that when you nine.
Had a big row with your mum, packed all your toys in your school bag and did a big dramatic walk-out.
Found you in the shed an hour later.
You'd somehow managed to smuggle a duvet and a pillow out without us noticing.
You refused to come back in, so in the end, I just I'm going to a party.
I wasn't planning on staying over, but for some reason, I've changed my mind.
Greg, will you? I'll be fine.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Have fun.
A lock-in?! Yeah, tonight.
So go and get changed, we might as well grab dinner down there before it starts.
Nana! No way.
You think I'm missing out on an old school lock-in? Forget it.
You'll just have to take her.
They must be taking theirs.
No, I think they said Barry was baby-sitting.
Barry? What, over there by himself? Oh! All right, I'll do it.
Not a penny less.
I'll give you 15 and bring you back a bottle of rum as long as I don't have to shake that.
Deal! Finn, run me a bath.
I have to pick out a top.
And who exactly invited you to this lock-in then? Pauline.
Pauline, as in Lisa's mother-in-law? Yeah.
And what did Lisa say to that? Not a lot.
There's quite a sadistic streak in you, isn't there? Yeah.
And don't you just love it? Oh, that's a nice touch.
It gives the place a sort of dentist waiting room vibe.
Well, it's not actually the look I was going for, but thanks.
I thought Dan would want to chill out here a bit.
He did build it all.
Yeah, under my supervision and from my designs.
And all he's done is whinge about it throughout.
He's no actual interest in this place or in what I do.
Is your relationship worth continuing? Oh, I like these.
Oh, I didn't think you were seeing anyone at the moment? No, but I like to do them anyway.
It gives me some idea of what I'm looking for.
"One.
Do you and your partner always share dinner time together?" Yes.
Oh, ten points.
I'm off to a good start.
Last night, I had a prawn salad in the bath and Dan ordered a pizza.
"After an argument, who apologises first? "You, your partner, neither of you, or we don't argue.
" Neither of us.
I'm putting we don't argue.
Oh, another ten.
Oh, come on, Denise, who never argues? Well, they wouldn't put it here if it wasn't an option.
"To the nearest hour, when did you and your partner last make love?" It's not a very good test this, is it? No.
It's not very scientific.
Hi, Barry.
Looks like we're both stuck holding a baby tonight.
Come on, precious! Here he is, the Phys-Ed Rev.
Hiya.
Er I hope that's apple juice.
Spirits happen to be extremely low in calories, they're practically diet drinks.
Evening, Pauline.
I would like a sparkling water, please.
Oh! Yeah, I'm on this new health kick.
I've signed up to the gym and everything.
What, your gym? Yes.
Oh.
So does that mean you met the famous? I'll have another Scotch, please, whilst you're at it, please.
Stick a lemon in it, will you? Happy? You've got no whisky.
You've got no rum.
Er, we have port.
That'll have to do.
I'll pour us a couple.
Not for me.
I don't drink when I'm Molly minding.
You'll have to speak up, Barry, me hearing's not too good.
I said none for me.
One for you, yes? Bloody hell! You're on a mission tonight, aren't ya? Yeah, well, it's been a shit day.
Oh! Sorry.
Oh it's you.
Hello.
We've never really met properly, have we? Finn.
Ella.
I like your car.
OK.
Oh, Lisa! Oh, hiya.
All right, Dan.
Yes, mate.
You've met Cameron, then? Oh, aye.
Big bugger, in't he, eh? I tell you what, if I came home and found him in bed with the wife, I'd tuck him in.
And I'd let him.
Er Lisa, is it your Molly's birthday next Saturday? It is, love.
She'll be one.
See, I told you.
It's Tulisa's birthday too, the day before.
She'll be two.
All right, it's not competition.
You should have a joint party.
I think that's a great idea, don't you? I suppose.
I was having one anyway, no reason why Molly shouldn't come too.
Well, actually, I was going to have one.
Were you? Yes.
Tulisa is very welcome to join us.
Do you know what? We should have two parties.
The little ones are always tuckered out by the afternoon anyway.
We can have a children's party on one side, then across the road, we can have a sandwich buffet for all the parents when it winds down.
Perfect! What do you think, Lis? - Well I suppose that could work.
- Great.
That's settled, then.
I'll arrange the birthday party, you can sort the spread for later.
Er well, I think I should do the birthday party.
It's just, well, we've been here longer and I know all the parents, so Whatever you think's best.
Hmm.
Right.
Great.
OK, then.
OK.
Go.
Ready? I don't think Here we go! Go on, girl! Ah! Ella? It's all right.
You should probably have a lie-down for an hour, though.
Come on.
Right, I've seen enough, I'm taking her home.
Who are you? Her neighbour.
Well, I think she's fine here.
She just needs a lie-down.
Walk away.
You what? Walk away.
You're talking about surgery? It's not surgery, is it? They don't take them off, they just put things in them.
And I wouldn't make them big-big, just sort of Oh, yeah, very attractive.
Some people think it is.
And it's my face, I'll do what I want with it.
What do you think, Pauline? I think you should do whatever makes you happy, flower.
Thank you.
Do I bollocks! You need to talk her out of this.
Two more of these, please, Mum.
Right.
I'm just popping out for half an hour.
Are you all right? Right.
Oh, Dan, this is Trevor, me boss.
Trevor.
Oh, yes, of course, very nice to meet you.
And you.
Right, I'll be back in 30, then we'll start getting ready for the lock-in, all right? Oh, you are joining us, then? Yeah, yeah.
Cleared the whole night.
Great.
See you in a bit.
A lock-in? What, there's a lock-in? Why haven't I been invited to the lock-in? I just figured you'd be here anyway.
You do live here, don't ya? Ta.
By the way, it's a seven o'clock start at the gym tomorrow.
Very sorry, I just couldn't get anything later.
No, that's fine.
I'm always up at six anyway.
What is this programme called, Barry? It's just an advert.
Oh, dear, dear! Another glass, I think, yeah? Actually, it's gone Molly's bedtime.
And Tulisa's.
Why don't you go and pop them up on your bed and then we can wait here for the kids to get back, eh? No, no, I'm feeling tired meself.
I reckon we should call it a night.
I think your jacket's over there.
I can remember where my jacket is, thank you.
Was that your wife? Yeah.
Sue.
Oh.
She was lovely.
Yeah, she was.
He was very handsome.
You want your eyes seeing to.
He was a lot of things, my Anton, but handsome was never one of them.
Face like a tug boat.
because he was kind.
Oh, and funny! And his voice.
Whenever he used to sing - oh! Sorry.
It never gets easier, does it? Right, then.
Come on, poppet, let's get you home.
Actually, I've just remembered, there's a programme on I was going to watch.
The one about the fatties? Yeah.
It's coming on in a minute.
Oh! Maybe we can let 'em kip for another hour.
Shall I get us another port then, eh? OK, but just a small one.
I just had a quick look in the spare room - you've decorated.
Nice scatter cushions.
Did you pick them? I was in a motel down the road.
I'll head down there tomorrow and bring my stuff round.
What do you think any of this is going to achieve? Hello.
She went a bit overboard.
What the fuck have you done to her? What's she taken? I ain't done anything to her.
And it's just drink.
Ella doesn't drink.
At least not like that.
And who are you meant to be? What the fuck did you say to me? Finn, go home.
Gladly.
You're welcome, by the way.
Take your hands off her.
See why I need to be here? Thanks very much, loves.
Yeah.
Come on.
Dan.
Dan! I don't know what game she's playing, but you and me have to make sure that this kids party we throw blows anything that she's got planned right out of the water! No-one's playing any games, Lisa.
Just let it go, will ya? Sorry I'm late.
That's the lot.
A lock-in, eh, Dan? We used to have loads of these back in the day.
I know, I remember.
And do you remember how much me dad used to really, really like 'em? Yeah, course I do.
What are you talking like that for? He's not dead.
No, he's not.
Pauline, thank you, you are now off duty.
I shall be your official barman for this evening.
I'd like to announce the free tab is now in effect.
Whoo! - Hello.
- 'Greg, it's me.
'We're on a stopover in Iceland.
'I'm so glad you made me do this.
' So am I.
'Is everything all right?' Everything's fine.
Me and Ella are both fine.
# Feel the city breaking and everybody shaking # Cos we're staying alive, staying alive Ha-ha-ha-ha Staying alive! If you're off down the uni, I could give you a lift if you want.
Yeah, that'd be great.
A friendly warning.
I don't want to see you anywhere near my daughter again.
I was just wondering, could we borrow some sugar? Is it brown sugar you're after? No more excuses, ask her out today.
I just wanted to to ask you something.
I'd start worrying more about your own marriage, instead of standing there lecturing me on mine.