Psych Episode Scripts

N/A - Zero to Murder in Sixty Seconds

# Risin' up straight to the top # # Have the guts, got the glory # # Went the distance, # # now I'm not gonna stop # # Just a man and # # his will to survive # # It's the Eye of the tiger, # # it's the thrill of the fight # # Risin' up to the # # challenge of a rival # # And the last known survivor # # stalks his prey in the night # # And he's watching # # us all with the eye # #us all with the eye # But how did I lose? My bike's twice as good as his.
Yeah, well you see, that's the thing, Shawn.
Sure, your bike looks great with all these ridiculous reflectors and gadgets from years' worth of cereal box tops, but Gus here focused on what's important: hard work.
I'm sorry son, but he just out-pedaled you.
- Do you understand? - I think so.
I got it! I had the wrong song playing that time.
Best two out of three.
I know what you're trying to do, Shawn.
And it's not gonna work.
I'm not buying.
Oh, it's on now.
On three.
One two - Let go of my chair, Shawn.
The wheels! - They're stuck together! - Listen, you two - Did you see who won? - I beat him, didn't I? - No, no, no.
- Two out of three.
- Ha, that means I beat him, right? Unlike everyone else around here, I'm not fooled by the fact that you wear grown-up clothes have mastered the rudimentary levels of communication and, somehow, manage to feed yourselves.
I see you for what you are: children.
So do me a favor and let the grown-ups do their work.
I got a boo-boo.
Speaking of boo-boos, you wouldn't happen to have any extra unsolved cases lying around, would you? Spencer, there is just no easy way to tell you that I consider you a waste of this department's time and energy.
I guess there was an easy way.
But actually I've got less patience for you today than normal.
See, I received an invitation to give a presentation at 21-LES.
Enforcement Seminar? Yes.
We know that better as "21 Saint Cent-Les.
" I like to call it Go ahead make jokes.
But we just did.
You see, kids, I will be presenting the cutting edge technology.
Modern tools for the new detective.
We're talking back-scatter x- ray scanning, DNA sampling, sonic weaponry, you name it, I am That's weird.
I could have sworn that I - I don't believe it.
- Don't believe what? My car, it's gone.
It was right there.
It's It's been stolen.
- Who would dare steal my car? - Well, here's the good news.
It'll make for an amusing anecdote during your presentation at 21 Saint Cent-Les.
# I know you know # # That I'm not telling the truth # # I know you know # # They just don't have any proof # # Where's the deception? # # Learn how to bend # # Your worst inhibitions # # Tend to psych you out in the end # All right, just keep your mouth shut.
I don't want people to think anything's wrong.
Morning, O'Conell.
Just rapping with the fellas, shooting the breeze.
Sweet, now they'll just think it's 1974.
Wait a minute.
Is is this a prank? Did you take my car? Is this some sort of "punking"? To think that we would stoop so low as to tamper with police-issued property, and defile the institution that is the Santa Barbara police department, is an affront to our honor.
I for one, am greatly offended.
And I, for two.
I just don't see how this could have happened.
Did you? - Wait! I'm getting something.
- What, Shawn? What is it? It's a trace on Lassie's car.
It's faint, but clear.
You were recently somewhere where the security of your car was compromised.
I'm sensing someplace posh.
Surprisingly upscale for someone on half a civil servant's salary.
As it happens, I dined at a very exclusive restaurant last night.
The type of restaurant one would take a date to? Is old Lassie back in the game? It is non of your business with whom I spend my personal time.
Now you have to dish.
She blonde? - Brunette? - Mail order? You sly dog.
Please, I'm not gonna engage in some sort of juvenile masculinity contest.
- He went by himself.
- Yeah.
Her name was Polly Smith.
- We kissed.
Ask her.
- Polly Smith? Something happened at that restaurant that led to your car being stolen.
I'm sensing red coats.
And accents.
- The British? - No.
The valets.
Check the valet departure car.
He may have used the old "key in the putty" trick to get an impression.
Of course, that would have been my first deduction, had I not been overcoming this blatant violation.
I'm gonna get right over there.
- No, oh.
- No car, remember? You guys are so funny.
Oh, guess what.
I just got a new car.
Maybe we had a little too much fun with him.
I have to pee-pee.
May I help you, gentleman? The theft of police property has occurred.
I have reason to believe the guilty party works here.
Oh, dear.
Well, rest assured you have our complete cooperation.
I only ask that you keep your investigation under wraps.
You know, for appearance sake.
Now, I'm gonna need to sequester your main dinning room interview your entire valet staff, and possibly your busboys.
One moment.
- Yeah, he's gonna be a problem.
- I don't know.
- He seemed pretty cooperative.
- Your work here is done.
I'll get my car back soon enough.
But I'm warning you, if word of this little incident gets out of the station, I will start making things very difficult for you down there.
You're saying you haven't even been trying? All this time? Good-bye.
He's not gonna get anywhere talking to those valets.
They have a very strict code.
I still think you're thinking about the British.
May have to roll my sleeves up for this one, Gus.
Actually, I may have to take off my entire shirt.
Please don't.
Oh, later.
Hi there.
My name is Shawn Spencer.
I'm the head psychic for the Santa Barbara police department.
And I may need to get a statement from you.
More specifically, the word "yes.
" Nice try.
But I reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.
That's all right.
If my parents were visiting, I probably wouldn't wanna waste time meeting handsome new strangers either.
Regardless of how smart or interesting they might be.
My parents are visiting.
That was pretty impressive.
You really are psychic.
Sorry, I thought you were just hitting on me.
Oh, I'm actually much more interested in going out with your parents.
I love the Miniatures Museum.
What was it you need to ask me about? Do you recall any uh suspicious behavior from any of the valets on duty last night? Now that you mention it, we had a new guy who started yesterday, - but didn't show up this morning.
- Bingo.
Gonna need a name and a phone number.
Of course.
And then I'll give you the information about the valet.
Get this.
The valet's number is actually a number to a pay phone outside of a warehouse.
I don't know.
I don't know if it looks like the warehouse from Blue City, Gus.
You're the only one that rembers that movie.
What, are you insane? Way more people saw from The Hipthan Blue City Look, I'm not gonna talk Judd Nelson right now.
No, just just meet me at the station in an hour.
Thank you.
A warehouse? Sweet! There's always something happening on the DL inside a warehouse.
You staked it out, right? I know you staked it out.
Oh, it got staked.
Staken? - Staked, right? - Right.
Yeah, yeah it got staked.
You found out what happened to Lassiter's car? A whole bunch of cars go in, but only boxes full of car parts come out.
Dude, it's a chop shop.
That's big.
Victims I see victims everywhere! It's horrible! Sawed-off parts strewn about.
Fluids spraying in every direction.
Oh, dear God! Are we talking about a serial killer? I can see the victims' names.
Accord, look out! Get outta there! Escalade, don't let him in the door.
- Oh, Camry, you were too young to go! - Are we talking about cars? - Stolencars? - The signal's too strong.
I'm getting "chop sticks.
" - "Chopped salad? - What? - "Chop suey?" - Good God! "Wheelie and the Chopper Bunch.
" Does that mean anything to you? "Wheelie and the Chopper Bunch.
" - Chop shop! It's a chop shop.
- Yes! And and I see a warehouse.
And cargo containers.
And a street sign.
And a little mouse named Algernon in a maze.
Flower Street! Flower Street that's down by the tracks.
We better check this out.
You know you just bought that, right? Looks like a slam dunk, Mr.
Wally there is the ringleader.
And all the evidence we need to take him down is right here.
I mean, stolen parts, serial numbers, shipment logs - You name it.
- No need to thank me, Chief.
Just glad to help.
Don't thank him either.
Well, if I can't thank you I can't pay you.
- Our pleasure.
- Oh, you're very welcome.
You are.
You know, this ring was responsible for hundreds of car thefts around town.
Wally had operatives in places mechanics, valets, car wash attendants all copying people's keys and then stealing their cars from different locations.
Does it say anything in there about them stealing loose change or switching the presets on radios? 'Cause that happens to me all the time.
Okay, Gus.
Go ahead and put your aluminum foil hat back on.
I'm not paranoid, Shawn.
It happens.
Anyway, I believe this is a department record for the fastest bust ever in a case this size.
Truly your most efficient work.
Oh, stop.
That's so unnecessary.
You know, I couldn't help but notice that a certain vehicle belonging to a certain head detective just happens to not be here.
Lassie, we had the boys from crime scene move your car up the street right before you and the Chief arrived.
You're in the clear, tiger.
Although today is a street sweeping day.
Did we park on the east side or the west side of the street? - North side.
- No, no, no.
It wasn't the north side.
Yes, it was.
I'd know, Shawn.
I'm good with directions.
You're not.
Gus, you have the bearings of a wounded bumblebee.
Why would We need to get out of here.
Well, you're certainly a unique guy, Shawn.
A guy who calls the day he gets the number.
- And brings flowers.
- I stole the flowers.
From table one.
They're fake, and they smell vaguely of creamy pesto, but I'm pretty sure it's the thought that counts.
And you're good enough to come and meet me here my last free night before my parents arrive.
Oh, wrapping up this case was a lot easier than I thought.
And this is one of the biggest strawberries I've ever seen.
I've been here all day.
So what do you say we take our dessert back to my place? I say yes.
Was this too easy? I beg your pardon? Nothing.
I'm sorry.
Never mind.
I can't believe how quickly I nailed this.
- Am I really this good? - Excuse me? I mean, is it possible that no.
No, nothing like this has ever happened before.
And nothing's going to happen tonight either.
How dare you think that I'm easy? Good-bye.
What no.
No, no, no.
I'm not talking about you.
This is this is something much worse.
This is the first time I've been wrong about a case.
Gus, I'm telling you, it was too easy.
Why would this Wally guy slip up by stealing a detective's car from in front of a police station? - That doesn't make any sense.
- Sure it does.
One of his guys got sloppy.
Gus, I'm pretty sure I saw him smile as they loaded him into the squad car.
What, he thinks going to prison is dope? No, come on.
I think I solved the crime I was supposed to solve.
Not the crime I should've solved.
Okay, you're not making any sense.
And I happen to be busy, so if you don't mind? What are you doing? What is this? What, are you going somewhere? Yes, actually, I am.
I finally have a free weekend.
Which means I get to use the Spa Utopia package I won for being top sales rep.
It comes complete with town car and driver.
Gus, you've been bragging about that award for over a year why go now? Maybe I kept pushing it back because I was always working a second job.
Like when I had to enter a Civil War reenactment? Or when I was protecting a sorority of pajama-clad coeds.
You're actually complaing about that? No, I'm not.
But let's not forget about the entire week I gave up riding shotgun to a cat, which, by the way, was not a boy cat at all.
That's some serious stress, Shawn.
I have to get a deep-tissue massage to work out all the knots in my back.
I call the big one "Little Shawn.
" Okay, that's the creepiest thing anyone's ever said to me.
They have a blind masseuse up there named Gloria.
I hear she works wonders.
I can't wait.
What is it with you and the blind? I remember you went crazy for that blind sculptor that did your bust.
That was Lionel Richie in the video for Hello.
Now I'm gonna have that song stuck in my head.
Good-bye, Shawn.
Chief! We gotta reopen the chop shop case.
I'm pretty sure we missed something.
First of all, "we" don't decide to reopen cases.
I do.
That's what I meant.
- Morning, Chief.
- Morning.
Uh, Lassiter, Mr.
Spencer seems to think we might have missed something in the chop shop case.
No no, that's an open-and-shut case if ever I've seen one.
Sorry, Mr.
Spencer, but if you want to reopen the case, you're gonna need to come up with some concrete evidence.
We don't devote department resources to personal whims.
Carlton, I finished the PowerPoint slides for your 21-LES presentation.
This is official department business? Oh, you're right, Helvetica is I know see how the M in "double murder suicide" just jumps off the page? Okay.
Is there anyone left that I can actually speak to about this case? Like I said, there's still quite a few unanswered questions.
Well, what can I say? You guys got me fair and square.
That's just it.
What kind of chop shop artist steals a cop's car and doesn't chop it up? It's almost like you wanted to leave a trail.
Leave a trail, don't leave a trail, wouldn't do any good.
You guys caught me quick.
Snap! Mind of a cheetah.
I was like, "What?" Cops are like, wham! Miranda.
Yeah, well, there's still some questions.
For instance, why haven't you posted bail, Wally? Oh, it's all good.
You know, I'am just do my time.
With good behavior.
And go on with my life.
Till then, I'm like,"My bad!" The court's like, "Get in that cell.
" Justice.
Let's try this again.
Prisoner 1906, visiting time is over.
Gotta go.
Your massage therapist will be right with you, Mr.
In the meantime, please relax.
And hydrate.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, do you mind? Shawn, what are you doing here? Sorry.
Shawn, what are you doing here? Trust me.
The way today's going, I need to relax too.
I can't get the Chief to reopen the case.
I already I already told you I'm not helping you either.
- You will when you hear this.
- What? I visited Wally.
In prison.
- You went to the pen? - I went to the joint.
You went to the clink? According to the visitors' log, the only other person who dropped by to see Wally was Jonny G.
Who turns out to be the Jonny G.
of Jonny G.
's Bling it On Custom Auto Shop.
- So all he's guilty of is a bad pun? - Hardly.
First Wally gets arrested for running a chop shop, then he gets visited by Jonny G.
, who works in custom auto parts.
Adds a whole new angle to the case, Gus.
Look, is Jonny G.
dirty too? What's the G stand for? Is Wally working for him? What other criminal nonsense are they up to? Man, we may have just uncovered the tip of the iceberg here.
- That's all you've got? - That and this.
It burns.
Sitting here listening to you right now, Little Shaw just got bigger.
I beg your pardon.
- No thanks.
- Fine.
What time are you seeing that blind chick? Gloria can't see me.
Dude, I know how being blind works.
I mean she's booked, Shawn.
I had to book with this girl named Kelly.
I hope she's good.
Are you ready for your massage? - Kelly? - Call me Kel.
Um you know what, Kel? I forgot I have another appointment I have to go to.
Uh thanks for your time.
That dude's shoulders looked like two little baby heads.
I know.
Okay, I'll help.
But I must be back in two hours.
That's when I booked the isolation chamber.
We'll take your town car.
You're not naked under there, are you? Naked and unashamed.
Man I'll be outside.
How are we gonna get this information out of Jonny G.
? The dude thinks we're customers, Gus.
It's a perfect cover.
I don't get it.
Who wastes money tricking out a car? It's frivolous and ridiculous.
Not to mention it compromises the integrity of the vehicle.
Yo, Shawn! Yo, lookin' good, man.
- Wassup, homie? - Jonny G.
, how are ya? - Good, man.
- This is my friend, Ovaltine Jenkins.
Oh, respect, a'ight? What's up, O? - What's happening? - Peace, man.
Yo, check it out.
Your ride is fresh to death.
Always do the last checks myself, you know what I mean? Just to make sure it meets specs.
You know what I mean? - I do know what you mean.
- You know what I mean? What ride? This one.
My car! - Shawn! - I told you it was the perfect cover.
That is fresh to death.
This is a company car, Shawn.
- I have to visit clients in this.
- Would you relax? I can't believe you spent all our money from the chop shop case on this.
What? You couldn't find any magic beans? A "Jack and the Beanstalk" reference? Really? - You wasted our money.
- I reinvested it in the business, Gus.
Once we figure out what's up with Jonny G.
's shop and re-solve the case, we'll get another check.
And you want to know what we are going to do with it? - Party like it's 1999.
- No, we're gonna - Party.
- Shawn.
- Karamu? - No! - Fiesta? - We're gonna spend that money turning my car back to the way it was.
All right.
But I still don't see why you won't drive it like this.
- Because! It's embarrassing.
- Embarrassing? Dude, this is sweet.
This is fresh to death.
You won't enjoy it, I will.
What's up, ladies? Nice ride.
That's hot.
Thank you.
You're hot! You are so hot! Get out of my seat.
- You said you didn't want to drive.
- It's my ride, Shawn.
I'm driving.
Just get us to the station.
I gotta convince the Chief to let us snoop around Jonny G.
's operations.
What now? I'm gonna need your license and regis I I didn't know it was you guys.
Sorry, but in this car, you just happen to fit a profile.
I'm really sorry to bother you guys.
Mauler! Heel! Heel! Now I'm really, really sorry.
He's just a trainee for K9 unit.
Obviously, he's not gonna make it.
Sorry again, fellas.
And Gus? Mauler barks at all cars.
Not just blue ones.
Carlton, it's here! Is this the new nanomaterial vest we ordered for 21-LES? Yes, it's gonna kill.
"The KEV-TEK 7000 is made with nanomaterial polymers that give it enough strength to stop a tank mortar shell.
" I can't wait to try it out.
Oh, no, no, no.
Last time, you got to be incapacitated by the sonic gun.
Now it's my turn.
- Let go, O'Hara.
- Oh, come on.
Drop it! - Just let me try it - You know I've had just about enough of the two of you.
You can both be shot.
Just sign the waivers.
Sonny was a cuckoo bird.
Clearly he was cuckoo for something.
- Cocoa Puffs.
- Exactly.
- I always thought it was Cuckoo Puffs.
- No Sonny is cuckoo for the puffs, which are coco.
That's why the milk turns all brown and chocolatey.
I was never allowed to eat that stuff when I was a kid.
That's why I don't have any cavities.
- So, are we having cereal? - Yes.
But I'm getting more.
- Are these serial numbers? - Yes, but there's more.
I see shiny rims.
Hammered rims.
Spencer, is this about the chop shop? - 'Cause we told you the case is closed.
- Now, hold on this is very specific information.
O'Hara, run the numbers by the crime lab, just to make sure we didn't miss anything in the sweep.
And you better not be wasting department time, Mr.
Because if you are, we'll be using these new vests on you.
- That's a great idea.
- Thank you.
Because that way, it's a plus for me whether they work or fail.
It better not take long for Juliet to run those numbers.
It won't.
I already missed all of yesterday on this already-solved case.
This is my last day to enjoy my vacation.
You don't realize how much stress I've been on these past few I'm not playing, Shawn.
I never get to do anything for myself.
I'm getting that massage.
And yes, I'll be naked and unashamed under my robe while they rub Little Shawn down! Wait! It wasn't like that! Jules, what do you got on those serial numbers? Well, the good news is, they tracked them to car parts.
The bad news is, the parts were purchased legitimately for Bling it On.
And the even worse news is that Lassiter wants to know what size vest you wear.
Very funny.
Thanks for making my life more challenging.
- The car parts at the shop were legit? - Looks that way.
There must be something else going on down there that we're missing.
Besides selling stolen car parts.
We gotta get back down there and look for clues.
I don't know about you, but I'm still on vacation.
Looks like something's wrong with your in-dash DVD navigation and integrated surround sound system.
That was my speedometer.
Now I can't see how fast I'm going.
Regardless, we've gotta take it back to Jonny G.
to fix.
Hey, dude.
Is Jonny G.
around? Uh, don't know.
We've been busy.
- What you working on there? - Getting this fleet ready to ship to Arizona.
Okay, thanks.
And stealth mode.
- What are we looking for, anyway? - Anything that points to criminal activity.
You know a white cloth sack with a green dollar sign.
A red barrel labeled "TNT.
" An anvil.
- Check this out.
- What, you already have something? The point of those examples was to imply it wouldn't be so obvious.
Look how light it is.
Flavor Flav can wear it around his neck.
Flav wears clocks, not rims, Shawn.
Why don't you put your phone on vibrate? Dad, this is not a good Okay, relax.
I will be right there.
- We gotta go.
- Go? We either need to be working on this case, or I need to be back on my vacation.
He said he needed me there immediately.
I've never heard him sound this urgent.
I hope everything's okay.
- This was the urgent emergency? - Yeah.
Gotta get these on the grill before it's too late.
I can't believe you had me rush down here for this, Dad.
I thought something was actually wrong with you.
- What's wrong with you? - You remember how to scale, - don't you, Shawn? - Yes, I remember how to scale.
You only made me do it A kid who didn't believe in animal cruelty, by the way.
Those animals would've killed you dead, given the means.
All right, you scrape the scales, you don't bruise the flesh, you make an incision around the gill, - and you fillet - Down the spine.
Very good.
You do remember.
And Gus, you remember where the bathroom is.
You're taking me away from very important work right now.
I'll have you know I'm on the verge of uncovering something big, really big.
Did you ever have a case you couldn't crack? Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Of course.
More than a few.
But a good detective learns the most when he doesn't get the bad guy.
- No, I got the bad guy.
- Oh, well, sometimes he gets off.
But a good detective doesn't let that get him down.
No, he's still in jail.
Matter of fact, Chief Vick even says it's my best work.
All right, then what's the problem? It doesn't feel like my best work, you know? It feels too easy.
Did you ever have that problem? No, Shawn, I don't recall any champagne problems like things being too easy.
I don't know, I guess I just imagined my best work would be more complicated, you know? More Intricate, important, and Just more, you know, more.
As always, you go after something for the flash, for the excitment.
And when you finally get it, you're never satisfied.
- It always needs something more.
- That is categorically untrue.
Your best case, what does it need? It needs more excitement.
Your first bike, what did it need? More reflectors Well, Shawn, did you ever stop and think that maybe it's your expectations that need to change? Son, look at me.
Look, Shawn.
Sometimes, a case is just a case.
He's just a trainee for K9 unit.
Wait a second.
Wait a second.
I just figured it out.
Wait, wait, don't Shawn, don't do this.
Oh, this is much bigger than we thought.
- And I was right all along.
- Shawn, don't you dare don't you dare learn a wrong lesson while I'm trying to teach you a right lesson! Look how light it is.
Getting this fleet ready to ship to Arizona.
Stop it stop stop stop trying to figure it out.
- Stop jumping! - I can't help it! It all makes sense! Gus, we gotta go! - I'll explain on the way.
- Shawn, Shawn! You should be happy with a job well done, regardless of the excitement that it produces.
Is that it? Yeah, that's it.
Is it a tight knot right under the shoulder blade? Yeah, how'd you know? Gus! Jonny G.
is smuggling drugs out of state inside a car parts.
That's why those rims at the office were so light, dude.
They were hollow! And that's how he gets the drugs out.
And some of that residue must've gotten on your car, which is why that police dog went crazy barking at the wheels.
That's what Wally's been covering for all along.
He's just a fall guy.
Jonny G.
's running the real operation.
Drug trafficking.
We need to make it back to that shop before the evidence leaves for Arizona.
Let's go! - Damn it, we're too late.
- Somebody's here.
Jonny G.
! Dude! His foot is still on the accelerator.
Stop! This isn't funny.
You stop.
I can't! The nitrous oxide canister's open.
Laughing gas? That stuff is deadly in high doses.
At least we know what the cause of death is.
I can't believe Jonny G.
went out like that.
The police suspect foul play.
But so far, they have no leads.
All while I was on lockdown? Guess I ended up with a better sentence than Jonny G.
We still have a few questions.
What do you know about a shipment of custom cars on its way to Arizona? We were partners, but Jonny G.
was involved in a lot of stuff I didn't know about.
If I asked questions, he'd be like, "Nunya.
" I'd be like, "Okay.
" Relegate.
So so you're saying you weren't involved with the custom car shop at all? I'm saying I was just a front man for the chop shop.
And now I'm doing my time.
But when I get out, crime's gonna be like, "Come out and play, Wally.
Come on.
" I'm be like, "No.
" "Wally doesn't live here anymore.
" Reassimilated.
Time's up.
I'm starting to think I was wrong about Wally.
When? The first time or the second time? Both.
I think he's the mastermind behind this whole drug thing and Jonny G.
's murder.
But Wally was in jail when Jonny G.
He made sure of that.
- This is a little awkward.
- Man, let's get outta here.
Wally made it easy for us to catch him because he wanted to get thrown in jail.
That way, he'd be locked up when he murdered Jonny G.
Which would give him the perfect alibi.
With Jonny G.
out of the way, Wally assumes sole control of the custom car shop.
- And the secret drug operation.
- Hello, motive, my old friend.
Get this.
According to public court records, Wally posted bail this morning.
Why wait until now? Dude.
Because the big drug deal goes down today.
But we don't know when or where.
Oh, yes, we do.
Yes, we do.
You call Fleet Feat Trucking.
Find out if they're making any custom car deliveries today.
Find out when and where.
I'll go get Jules and Lassie.
Dude, we got this! As you will see, the tools in the arsenal of the modern-day detective are formidable, to say the least.
Lights, please.
I pretended to be Jonny G.
's lawyer.
Got the trucking company to tell me that a fleet from Bling it On is expected to be dropped off at 2:30.
I wrote the location down.
This says "In the middle of a field.
" - Why did you have to write that down? - The address is on the back.
We don't We don't have a lot of time.
Lights, please.
Scientific advancements in the mapping of the human genome, in the manipulation of the building blocks of matter itself, have taken law enforcement into the 21st century and beyond.
Thank you.
Thanks very much.
So, are there any questions? Yes.
I thought you were gonna show us some new law enforcement techniques.
We've seen all these things on CSI.
Well, I can assure you that this technology represents the latest available to police departments.
Oh, now you're onto something, Lassie! Spencer? Nobody called for a psychic.
- Psychic? Awesome! - I'm getting a reading here.
It's strange.
- Gus, what is this? - I think you may be magnetized.
Right in the middle of my presentation.
Wait, is he police sanctioned? Yes.
Yes, he is.
Because we at the Santa Barbara Police Department believe in using every tool in our arsenal to combat crime, and Mr.
Spencer here is often under my jurisdiction.
Wait I'm getting a location.
It's an abandoned railroad track, but why? Please tell me, spirits of cutting-edge law enforcement technology.
I'm getting Michael Douglas.
Catherine Zeta-Jones.
The always under-appreciated Don Cheadle.
- You know that's right.
- Traffic.
Say hello to my little friend! Uh,Scarface.
They're all movies about drugs! Yes! Drugs! There must be a giant drug deal going down there! - Right now! - We can send a squad car over - to check it out.
- Fine.
There's no time! It's happening in ten minutes.
- We have to go now! - We can't get there in ten minutes.
I can.
Let's roll.
- Can we come? - Yes, of course you can come.
You wait out front.
And we'll pull around for you.
It's been a pleasure doing business with you.
Thank you.
Get up against the car.
Turn around! Up against the car! Look, we were just having a business transaction.
I was like, "Here are your automotive parts, good sir," and he's like, "Please, take my money.
" Capitalism.
Come on.
Oh, Wally.
Selling custom car parts is legal.
Killing Jonny G.
to take over his drug operation not legal.
I'm laughing.
Ha ha ha ha.
Well, we try.
Makes perfect sense, though.
Knowing how much you resented Jonny G.
for not including you in the real business down at the shop, huh? Jonny G.
was involved in a lot of stuff I didn't know about.
If I asked questions, he'd be, like, "Nunya.
" I'd be like, "Okay.
" Relegated.
You figured out a way to take him out and take over his entire enterprise.
You got yourself arrested because you knew that in jail, you'd have the perfect alibi when Jonny G.
showed up dead.
Who would dare steal my car? Brilliantly planned this murder beforehand, knowing that Jonny G.
is a creature of habit.
I always do the final checks myself, just to make sure it meets the specs, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? That he personally inspects every single car on the day that it's supposed to be delivered, and that he is very, very thorough.
So you figured out which canister of nitrous oxide he'd be using, and rigged it so it would leak when the gauge redlined.
Very creative.
But unlike last time, there's no evidence.
The people's burden.
I'm sorry, Jules, what was that? Oh, I didn't say anything.
- You didn't say anything? - No.
Well, who's the chatty Cathy with back there in nothing? Well, who's who's talking? Some somebody that saw everything go down.
Wha who who is that? It's Bessie.
It's Bessie the Mustang.
She's a female Mustang.
That doesn't make any sense.
Technically, that would make her a - what? - That would be a filly.
A filly, everyone.
Bessie is technically a filly, she I'm sorry, what? Put his what in your what? Check inside Bessie's wheels.
- Check inside her wheels.
- Okay, stop.
You don't have a warrant.
That's illegal seizure.
Bill of Rights.
Very suspicious behavior.
Probable cause.
- Nice, Jules.
- It's drugs.
You are under arrest.
But this time, it's for drug trafficking and murder.
Guess that's three strikes.
- Legislated! - Oh, nice, Gus.
Oh, tell me about it.
- Hey, dude.
- Hey.
Yeah, we'd like to schedule a couple of massages with Gloria.
I'm sorry, but Gloria's still booked.
The only slot she has available is a couples' session.
- No.
- That's fine.
I mean no way.
Thank you.
What's wrong with you? Dude, you're the one who said she's so amazing.
I figured it was worth it.
Me and you in the same room with just a towel between us? Not gonna happen.
- She's blind.
- I'm not.
- That's naked and ashamed, Shawn.
- Maybe you're ashamed.
- Naked and ashamed.
- You're ashamed.
I'm not ashamed, Shawn.
- Full of shame.
- I am not!