Psych Episode Scripts

N/A - Shawn (and Gus) of the Dead

Hon, I'm gonna grab a drink.
- Wanna get me one too, sweetie? - Okay.
What are you doing? You were supposed to be asleep two hours ago.
I was watching.
And then I know I shouldn't, but then I didn't want to go back upstairs.
I was scared.
All right.
Now listen, now you know that none of this is real, right? It's all makebelieve.
People do not become bloodthirsty monsters after they get shot.
In fact, I've had a lot of experience in the field with puncture wounds, and there's no way a giant dart to the lungs creates a 6-inch hole visible from the other side.
- Really? - No way! I mean, maybe the blood-engorged cavity will become purple and expand and perhaps even explode I've seen that.
Look, dead bodies do not walk, son.
Sometimes they suddenly blink or jolt for a second, but Mostly they just wither and smell snd drizzle and ooze.
All right, now go to bed.
Sleep tight.
A Museum? and not even the one downtown? - Hey, the paper come out yet? - I don't know.
They running another - story on the Wyles death? - I don't know.
Gosh, I hadn't even thought about that.
Carlton, you're name's been in every article they've printed since you've reopened the case.
Has it? I try not to read the papers too much Very skewed.
No, I was just gonna look at the classified ads.
I mean, you know I've been looking - for a new bob's big boy, right? - I got it, Detective.
Press operator from the mirror gave me an advanced copy.
But there's nothing about you or Wyles in there.
What? Impossible I leaked that stuff about the will getting changed yesterday.
Hey, did you say you were looking for a big boy, like a full-size? Go away.
Thing's a rag anyway.
- Security tape, Ms.
- Hi, I'm Detective O'Hara.
- Sophie.
- Wait, you're the curator? - Assistant curator.
- I'd like to speak to someone in charge.
- I am in charge.
- She sounds in charge.
- The Mummy room's this way.
Please follow me.
- Where's the curator? He's in Egypt procuring the rest of this collection, but I assure you There's no need.
He's been working all night.
Can you catch us up? This exhibit just opened yesterday.
I don't know how this is possible.
It was a prank or some sort of dare.
It's a 3,000-year-old Mummy that's missing, officer.
It's Detective and it's not like it was covered in gold.
I mean he wasn't a king or a prince or even a royal food taster.
He was just some guy who happened to die, got himself wrapped up, and was found in a pretty, cracked box.
He probably mummified himself.
He hasn't had his coffee yet.
Has anyone found the night watchman? - I'm afraid not.
- Night watchman: Douglas F.
Hastings, burglary on his record.
- Technically, burglary is a felony.
- Two charges dropped.
Don't you people run background checks? Doug was a very good employee who's been here seven years.
And we have a complex security system.
Which was due to be overhauled last spring.
We pushed it back.
We have a very abulic board of Directors.
Good, I'd like to speak with each one of them as soon as the sun rises.
Now if you'll forgive us, we have several high-profile cases that don't involve archaic security systems in rundown buildings.
O'Hara, put out an apb on the guard's vehicle, look up the word "abulic" and meet us back at the station.
Just a minute! I don't know who you are, Detective, but this was no prank.
The alarm was triggered from the inside.
And although our archaic security footage was limited to rotating shots of the four main rooms, not a single image shows the culprit or the Mummy being carried from the building.
She's right.
It's all right here.
The mummy disappeared in 15 seconds or less and our main feed picked up none of it.
This all cracks of something larger than petty crime.
And not to sound too Shirley McClain, screams of something potentially supernatural.
This requires someone with skills beyond the normal person.
I want him.
- No, you don't.
- Yes, I do.
Do you think he's up? Hello? Jules! Actually I'm wide awake.
Why do you ask? You want to watch a movie together over the phone? Please say it's father of the bride two.
How about Captain Ron? Pure luck? You don't have anything with Martin Short? Hold on a second.
Well, you don't have to get snippy.
You're the one that drunk-dialed me.
Really? I just assumed I mean, it's 4:25, right? The Museum? Are you kidding? They love me down there.
You see my plaque? - What's wrong? - They only put one name on there.
- So? - So Gus is gonna have an aneurysm, and not the good kind.
Spencer, we can rehash good times later.
Right now I really need you to create some semblance of focus.
Missing Mummy, missing guard, old security system.
Please tell our feisty little assistant curator that this was not some elaborate break-in so we can all go home.
Okay, I'll try.
That a real beaver? - Shawn Spencer.
- I know.
- Sophie Morris Bridgewell.
- I know.
- Everyone certainly loves you down here.
- And I love you Metaphorically.
What? You had your shot.
Let me do what I do.
Excuse me, I'll need some space.
Thank you.
Have it.
Have it.
Want it.
Have it.
Mine's bigger.
- I have a problem.
- What is it? The layout of this display is horrible.
Who designed this? It's ridiculous.
Really? We need two of these? - Queen Nurfurtittie.
- Nefertiti.
I've heard it both ways.
Well? I'm gonna have to concur with Detective Carlito Lassiteros on this one.
That Mummy was not stolen, Ms.
- Great.
- I'm afraid it walked out All on its own.
The Mummy walked out? Come on, you're just trying to impress - that pretty little assistant curator.
- Was she pretty? I hadn't noticed.
Really? Brown eyes, languid smile, long slender neck of a balanchine dancer.
I had three different hairstyles last week and you didn't comment on one.
Look, I felt that something got up out of that coffin and walked away, not to the exit, but to the body of the museum.
Good, you're here.
All of you in my office.
Sweet, now you got us in trouble.
What I have to say is very difficult.
If this in any way pertains to Lassiter's third testicle, I'm afraid we already know.
This is no time for jokes, Mr.
When I accepted this position on an interim basis, the agreement between myself and the mayor was should things work out at an appropriate time, the interim would be removed from the title.
As you know that has not yet happened.
And recently I gave the mayor a deadline, a deadline that has passed without any sort of response.
So effective friday, I'm stepping down as chief.
- What? - I'm leaving.
You can't do that! Do they know? They know.
I'll write a letter.
I'll start a petition.
I'll leak it to the reporter at the mirror.
O'Hara, please.
Thank you.
I appreciate the sentiment, but the die is cast.
Chief Are you sure you don't want to wait it out just a little bit longer? - You never - No, Mr.
So you're saying the job is open.
What? I mean, did anyone mention my name? I believe they have someone in mind.
But you don't know if it's me.
Look, chief, let me just offer that I think you're a great chief.
And, I'm sure things will all work out.
That's all for now.
What are you watching? Security videos from the Museum.
Videos? As in actual video tapes? Well, their system could use an overhaul.
Where are the tapes from the other cameras? That's it.
- One tape? - Yeah, it's on a rotation.
It's actually not a bad system, you know? It appears you can't leave the Museum without getting caught by the cameras.
So it's efficient.
We should, probably check it out for ourselves, though.
- What say you? - Sure.
There's one thing you should probably know before we get there.
"Paleo-sleuth Shawn Spencer.
" - I know.
- I dug that thing up too.
Gus, believe me, I was appalled myself at first Sickened, really.
But then I noticed, look, the didn't forget you completely.
- Where? - There, right there! The "photo by" section.
That says "photo by Bruton Gaster.
" Well I gave 'em the info when I was driving through a tunnel, so that probably played a role.
I want a new plaque, Shawn.
I want it tomorrow.
I want my name in big yellow letters that blink.
And why won't you even tell me what this museum case is about? In time, in time.
Gentlemen, thank you for coming.
Spencer, very good to see you again.
And you must be Mr.
Guster, Burton Guster.
You people ever hear of spell checker? I was just giving gasty here all the specifics.
Yes, well the exhibit just opened yesterday afternoon without a hitch.
- The alarm went off at 3:00 a.
- I was here at 5:00.
? You were not.
- I was, I was working.
- Doing what? It was a private case.
Look, I don't think we should bore Ms.
Bridgewell here with the complexities of our other investigations.
You're not tailing cheating boyfriends again, are you? - Gus, come on.
I'm trying to look cool.
- I told you before, Shawn.
We are bigger than that.
We cleared, like, 50 bucks on the last one.
Gus psychic-client privilege and what not? Come on.
- Shall we continue? - Yes, this way.
- What's wrong with you? - You stole my picture! So the bulk of the activity seems to have occurred in here.
Yes, I can see it.
The lid sliding off the being rising up, walking across the floor not unlike an egyptian.
Gus could show you.
- Gus! - Nope.
- No what? - You know I'm not walking into that room, Shawn.
Come on, dude.
I thought this was over in the sixth grade.
What's wrong? He won't break the plane of the Mummy room.
Why not? He's afraid of being cursed.
- He's not that far off base really.
- Please don't coddle him.
Every one of those guys that unearthed tut's tomb Cursed.
- They're all dead now.
- Of course they are.
That was over 80 years ago.
Come on, man.
This is gonna be good for you.
Walk to me.
Face your fears.
You can talk all you want, but facts and logic will win out this time.
Facts and logic are in the corner of the guy who thinks he's gonna get his face melted off? I'm not hearing it, Shawn.
Well you wanted to check the cameras, right? Will you set foot in the security camera room? This system's actually better than I thought.
Even if you make it out of one room, you get picked up in the next room immediately.
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna try and beat the system.
Watch me, just on the center screen.
See if I can get out.
- All I gotta do is sit here fine.
- Yeah, we'll communicate on the phone, - so give me a call.
- No, you call me.
This is my work cell.
- I'm not paying for that call.
- Gus, it's usage minutes.
It doesn't matter which one of us makes the call.
Just call me, Shawn.
I'm sorry, I can't let this go.
It's a monthly plan.
It's a minutes plan.
Can we get started with this thing now? I saw that.
Got it on two angles.
Do you want to give this up any time soon? You're crawling.
I see you, Shawn.
You're behind the plant.
See you there.
See you there.
The plant is moving across the room, Shawn.
Leave that poor lady alone, Shawn.
You're using the carpet? Really? Wait a minute I almost bought that for a second.
You're using the wolf pelt? This is like watching entrapment if instead of Catherine Zeta-Jones - they had some guy with pancake butt.
- I do not have pancake butt! - What you got? You got something? - Yep.
Really? You can see me right now? - Horrid, Shawny boy.
- Horrid.
Great, now I gotta watch this? You're muting me? For the first interesting thing that's happened? "Look at me, look at me.
"I love my hair.
"I can make obscure '80s references "that nobody understands.
"Laugh at me.
"Hey, know something about me? "I have a motorcycle, but I never seem to be riding it.
" - How about this? Are you seeing this? - Yep.
- How about now? You see this? - Terrible.
- How about this? You seeing this? - If you're gonna hide under a barrel, don't put the phone next to your ear.
You're getting all of this? You can see all of this? Yep.
Whoa, I lost you.
There you are.
Ha! I got you.
For one second, Shawn.
Trying that corner again? Please.
Shawn? Eh great.
Now you wore down my battery.
Where are you? How about now? Bingo.
I'm sure you can understand, Mr.
Wyles, why I've been so motivated by what I've uncovered in this investigation.
Well, all I know, detective, is I certainly seem to see your name in the paper every day.
Really? Which paper would that be, because you know I've missed some of the coverage.
- Can we just get on with what you want? - Of course.
It's really just more of a formality than anything.
I wasn't even going to call you in today.
I just need to go over a few bank records and see some papers - and exhume your father's body.
- I'm sorry.
What was that last one? It's just more of a technical detail than anything exhuming your father's body.
I mean, you wouldn't even have to be there.
I could have him back in eternal slumber by noon.
- This place is gonna close soon.
- No, it's not.
Shawn, I was in there forever.
Somebody's shutting off the lights with us in here.
Pretty sure that's a timer.
Why would they set a timer with people still in here? 'Cause the museum closed 20 minutes ago? How did they close it with us inside? Well, remember I said I talked to Sophie the curator? She's very sweet, by the way.
She loves Red Robin.
Isn't that a strange favorite restaurant.
You're going behind the tarp? Really? There's an exit behind the tarp? You're probably gonna be eaten by carpet beetles.
Look, I discovered a number of intriguing things when I was figuring out how to crack the security cameras, including an exhibit that looked like it had already been broken into, so what I'm thinking is whoever did it might come back because anyone on the inside knows that there's no night guard on duty and And what? - Sophie said it was cool.
- What was cool? Come on, man.
Haven't you ever wanted to spend a night in the museum? You know, do it up with all the stuffed creatures and the bones? No, Shawn, I haven't.
I can't spend the night in the museum.
I don't have my tooth brush.
I don't have any of my multivitamins.
And oh, yeah, I don't want my soul suffering eternal damnation for disrupting the sleep of an egyptian canal digger.
Come on, dude! With hastings on the lam, they're fresh out of night watchmen.
Sophie was actually quite happy that I offered.
She's taking me to dinner.
What do they have at Red Robin? Come on, Gus.
They didn't get what they were looking for the first time.
Maybe they'll break in again.
We'll be here to catch 'em red-handed.
Won't that be cool? Dude, there's probably a sensor of some sort.
Take a step back.
Okay, now try it.
- What's on the hill? - That's freedom, Shawn.
- Does that look like a camera? - No, no one's gonna leave their camera - outside in the mist so it can get ruined.
- Looks like a camera to me.
- We caught a break.
- We caught a break.
Hastings, that security guard from the Museum who's still missing, had a few assault charges on his record that never went to trial.
Hastings is way more violent than we thought.
- And we found the car finally.
- They found his car.
- Yeah, it was in the shop actually.
- But you didn't find him? No, the shop gave him a loaner.
I just thought I would let you know, give you a heads up, see if you come up with anything.
- What kind of car is the loaner? - Gray GMC pickup.
- Don't be mad.
- Why would I be mad? I'm locked in a museum with possibly a violent criminal and probably an angry Mummy spirit.
And here's a bonus: we have no phones.
- I told you to charge that phone.
- You did not.
I didn't? Does thinking it count? They might have a snack bar.
You know, maybe that truck wasn't gray, dude.
Maybe it was, like, a deep midnight blue or a black or a nicekelly green.
It's hard to know for sure.
You know, the cones in the eyes make it possible to see at night.
I know how the eyes work, Shawn.
I just hope I still have mine in the morning.
- Where exactly are we? - He's here.
He's gonna come back.
He's gonna kill us.
Dude, I never said Hastings stole the thing.
No, you think the actual Mummy walked out.
That makes me feel better.
Don't go all "glass half empty" on me.
Let me show you what I found.
What is wrong.
With this flag? Everything.
- Besides that.
- I don't know.
- It's upside-down.
- And backwards.
What's your point? It's dust gathered on the bottom of the frame.
That means somebody eitherturned it upside-down or knocked it over.
Whoa, I lost you for a second.
There you are.
And this little nook is not in camera range.
It's not a nook.
What would you call it? It's clearly not a corner.
Cranny? Will you sign off on Cranny? - Why am I here, Shawn? - Because somebody didn't want the camera to see what ever happened in this Cranny.
- I never signed off on Cranny.
- There's nothing here, Gus.
It's just a bunch of old guns.
And not even nice ones at that.
The lexan glass case that houses it is worth more.
- Lexan glass? - Yeah, it's bullet proof.
Well, it would have to be in case the guns decided to fire them selves.
Lexan glass.
What? That's common know ledge, Shawn.
People know that.
Who, people in Charlton Heston's house? Yes, and your Mama.
Did you hear that? Nobody's here but us.
I tried, Shawn.
I can't do this.
Gus, don't bea traveling wilbury.
- Look, Christine's here.
- Will you stop it, Shawn? Relax, it's not eventhe right color.
We have got to get one of these for the office.
How much you think these things run? - I don't know.
- How heavy are they? That was actually kind of scary, Gus.
Come on, dude! It's just the motor on the fridge! Of course, why would an exhibit be plugged in? The sign says do not touch, Shawn.
Not anymore.
- It's stuck, though.
- It's supposed to be stuck.
To keep people like you out.
People who what? People who spend the night in Museums to investigate Mummies that may have walked out on their own? You are here.
What are you doing? Bidding for Talismans.
I don't care what they're called, Shawn.
I'm acquiring protection for the spiritual injustice we caused in the Museum.
- You can buy wolfsbane online? - In bulk.
Now I just gotta find somebody to Loan me a cat.
- You got McNabb's number? - Come on, Gus.
I thought that, at the very least, finding the guard dead would help you jump on the band wagon that, hey, this is a real flesh and blood killer.
He was killed by the Mummy, Shawn.
You don't know that.
You have no proof.
Okay, fine, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I didn't tell you I signed us up for night guard duty.
And I'm sorry I didn't tell you there was a Mummy involved.
But we have a legitimate trail now.
The cops are taking this seriously.
I need you! I need the sweet blue shirt, I need the pants.
I need the winsome smile that hides the sad Jamaican clown inside.
We need to call Lassiter and we are not going back to the Museum.
No more Mummy room, no more Spooky stuff.
I promise.
He's exhuming a body? He is casually disturbing what should be the passing of a great and dignified man.
Yeah, he does that.
White socks, black shoes.
What's the rule on that? Don't you have to be wearing jeans? What's the rule? Come on dude.
I honestly had no idea he was gonna be pulling a corpse from the ground.
Don't worry about it, Shawn.
I honestly didn't know I was gonna be putting my foot in your ass.
Life's full of surprises.
I got the coroner's report on the guard Hastings.
At least stay for this, see how silly it is to be afraid of Mummies.
What do you got, Jules? - You're not gonna like it.
- We're not gonna like it.
- I'm sure we'll be able to make something of it.
- Hastings was strangled to death.
No magic involved there.
And correct me if I'm wrong Jules, but you can actually get fingerprints off strangulation victims.
- I'm afraid that's not possible.
- Why is that? The hand was wrapped in some sort of cloth.
Cloth? There were linen fibers embedded into the guard's neck.
Clearly that was just to cover his prints.
We also found dust and spores that weren't from this area.
Well, maybe the cleaning crew didn't come around.
Only if they didn't come around for over 3,000 years.
The spores came from inside the coffin.
Thanks, Jules.
Finally! Finally what? - I've been leaving message son your phone.
- Yeah, I sor tof dropped my phone.
Yeah, what'd I tell youa bout taking care of your stuff? You know what? You're right.
First my tricycle out in the yard, now this.
- I see a pattern developing here.
- All right, look, Shawn, I was hoping we could talk alone.
No offense, Gus.
- Di! - No no, don't you dare.
We are here to talk to you and this is urgent.
- So is mine.
- Ours involves a dead guy.
- Why do you always have to win, Shawn? - 'Cause we're winners.
Fine, what is it? Go ahead.
Okay, what do you do when your best suspect.
Sort of, just.
- Say it, Shawn.
- Doesn't exist anymore? People disappear all the time, Shawn.
Some are very good at it.
Especially a career criminal.
Yeah, this is a little more complicated.
Look, it doesn't matter who you're talking about here, Shawn.
But when the trail goes cold, you do what every good cop does.
You follow the time line.
You trace back the steps that led to the trail going cold.
- Back ground check.
- Exactly.
Perfect, dad! But I wanna see you later, without Gus.
I need to talk to you.
Okay, what is this? What is all this "without Gus" stuff? I mean, it's Gus.
Just say it.
- Say what it is.
What is it? - Okay.
All right.
I got a phone calla couple of days ago and I don't know if you have any plans, but Are you busy on saturday? You want me to come with you to awkward class? Forget it.
See ya! Detectives, that's very thoughtful of you, but I just don't want youto make a big fuss.
We are not going to make a fuss.
Detective Lassiter and I just ant to throw you a going away party.
It's going to be very William Wyles the beud.
It was formerly believed that Wyles' death was due to an accidental fall down the stairs of his Montecito home.
But now a former employee has come forward to say.
she heard loud arguing coming from the Wyles's study the night of his death.
Contrary to the belief that Wyles was alone the night he died.
Santa Barbara police detective Carlton Lassiter, who's been leading this investigation, was unavailable for comment.
Unavailable for comment? I've been here all day.
Who's not giving me my messages? Cupcakes.
Right, of course.
With little cuffs on them.
And, sprinkles.
We're really gonna miss you.
Wyles, who became a publishing magnate at the age of 30, was one of Santa Barbara's leading philanthropists and a major contributor to political campaigns.
As well as a well-known collector of war Memorabilia.
At his height, he owned more than 30 - How's the back ground check coming? - Just finished.
Rahm Entottem lived during the 19th dy Nasty of Egypt.
Probably near Giza.
He had 11 sons, all of whom spent their days smelting metal from the orealong the banks of the Nile.
Smelters? Perhaps you misunderstood.
We don't care what he did when he was living.
Only since he's been a Mummy.
Let's do this.
First, he was on display for six months in Cincinnati.
He didn't kill anybody there.
Then he was on Loan, Plano, Texas.
Nobody had their eyes or internal organs stolen there.
- What's that? - It's a bowl of Chili.
- And who's that up there? - It's Austin kerns.
Would you pay attention? Then he was transported for two days by truck, spent the evening in the Museum ware house, and boom, was on display first thing the next morning.
Mine's Better.
Yeah, but mine's something sensible that people might utilize.
So you'rethe sensible one now? - More and more lately.
- Okay.
All right, let's work back wards.
We just did.
This is as close as I get to that Museum.
I know.
Quick, put that on.
My name is Shawn Spencer.
I'm working with Sophie and the Museum.
This is my partner Paddy Simcox.
We're wondering if there's any documentation on the arrival of the rock 'em sock 'em Mummy.
Or has there been any instances of things exploding for no apparent reason? I don't know nothing.
- And I don't think you guys should be in here.
- Right.
Perhaps I'll call Sophie and let her know you're not being very helpful.
Listen, all I have security access for is this room.
Well, then let us know what happens here, man! Here at the docks! Fine, it's simple.
That thing shows up, a Museum rep comes and does an inspection.
And then we put it out on the floor.
I wish that there was more that I could tell you.
Dude, it's a tripod.
I told you that was a tripod.
With a camera.
Coming back.
Hey, wait up! What are you doing? Left your keys in the trunk lock.
I'm sorry.
I know I promised not to shoot there.
I know you guys said you'd call the cops, but I just need one more night for my project to be done.
- Your project? - My film project.
- Aren't you guys with the - Yes, we are.
- With who? - Who ever you think we're with.
- The Museum? - Yes, exactly.
And you are a film student? Yes, working on night cycle.
It's my thesis project.
It's just the life cycle of a wild flower at the top of the hill.
- The name of your film is night cycle? - What's wrong with that? Well, it's kind of boring.
Unless it's about a motorcycle that comes to life at night and solves crime and does sweet whee lies.
Listen, I alread y told the guy in the Jumpsuit.
I mean, you could barely see the Museum in the background.
- I just needed to frame it up that way.
- You have foot age of the Museum.
Yeah, but it won't infringe on anyone's copyright, I can guarantee it.
Do you have stuff from tuesday night? Yeah, but not on me.
Here it is.
A standard video camera runs at 30 frames per second.
- Yeah, we know that.
- How would we know that? It's common know ledge, Shawn.
And technically it's 29.
Unless you're working in HD, then it's 23.
98 partially segmented frames.
Regard less, for time lapse I set it for one frames for minute.
So everything moves faster.
- 30 times faster.
- 1,800 times faster.
- I knew that.
I was testing you.
- Sure you did.
Okay Guys, what are we looking for here, exactly? It's pretty simple.
A crime occurre dat the Museum on this particular evening.
We just wanna know if your camera caught any foot age of it.
It's nothing too crazy.
And most likely there's a crazed Mummy out and about strangling people willy-nilly.
And that.
This is 3:00 am.
Slow it down here.
This is kind of exciting.
Holy crap.
Gus, can you believe it? Gus? He's a little scared of Mummies.
Dude, it's just a film! - Video.
- Even better.
No one can reach through the screen and grab you.
That's so weird.
We only saw him for one frame and then, you know, he walked out and poof.
He's gone.
The lights on the van.
Dude, he took that van.
The Mummy? Great.
Now we got a Mummy on the loose and the son of a bitch know show to drive a stick? - Now we know how he got away.
- We need to call the Police.
No, not yet.
- I've seen that van.
- You know where it is? Unless it's moved in the last two hours, I do.
What the.
Dude, I told you it was here.
I told you I saw it! What are you doing? Turning the cararound, Shawn.
Dude, she's not even gonna be in California by the time we get out of here.
Just keep turning the wheel! - I don't wanna hit anything, Shawn! - This is a company car.
Dude, you got it.
You clearly had it after the se Really? The 11-point turn, dude? This is a prime example of a situation best handled by the Police.
- Or a witch doctor.
- It's not a Mummy, Gus.
You keep saying that, and it keeps coming up Mummy.
No way he makes that turn.
Slow down.
He hit a tree.
- Let's go get him.
- I'm not getting out there.
Dude, they hit a tree.
Who ever they are, they're not moving.
They're incapacitated.
They could be hurt, maybe even dead.
Maybe undead.
- They might need our help.
- Or our internal organs! - Let's call the police.
- With whose phone? All right, fine.
I'm bringing my bat.
Grab some flash lights.
Shawn, I think I think this may be the most terrifying moment of my life.
You're confronting it head on.
I'm so proud of you, buddy.
I think I just saw someone running away in the woods.
Look! That door's cracked! I don't think anybody's here.
How sure are you? Fairly to pretty damn.
Good, because I don't think I can take one more.
Shawn? I am telling you, Carly town, you gotta come with uson this! And I'm telling you, I'm about to solve the biggest case of my career.
So which do you think I'd rather do? The old man didn't die from a fall down the stairs.
Initial findings indicate he had blunt force trauma to his head before he fell.
So unless you've gota psychic answer for that, you guys can run along.
Now Wyles isn't answering his phone.
I have the final coroner's report on that exhumed body.
It was definitely a head trauma.
And it turns out that unidentified matter found in his skull was a chip of ivory.
But I have the best reveal ever.
Spencer, we'll get to your little mummy thing later.
Quite honestly, I only took the case because Wyles IV is on the board of trustees.
I thought I could do a little snooping, but all I got was dead ends.
I can solve both cases! - You can what? - Lassie, call Wyles on his cell phone.
He'll pick that up because he's not at home.
Dude, we got it.
- Oh, we are good! - Then meet us at the Museum.
Why can't they just meet usat a well-lit Starbucks? One more time, buddy.
For justice.
- Why am I here? - You'll find out soon enough.
But whatever it is, I'm taking full credit for it.
Just cooperate with us, Mr.
Things don't look very good for you right now.
- Yeah, well, I'll have your job.
- Well, it's too late for that.
Someone else already does.
Shawn! Don't worry, Sophie.
I'm being very gentle.
I laid down a blanket and everything.
Not my first time alone in a coffin.
By the way.
Playing dead, awesome.
- What is this nonsense? - He's solving a case.
Actually, I'm solving two cases.
But let's take them one at a time.
First, a being did rise from this coffin.
And walk out of the museum on tuesday night.
Strangled poor Hastings, may he rest in peace, with his bare hands.
Correction, - linen-wrapped hands.
- Thank you.
I was the first one to say that it was a Mummy.
But that being was not the mummy.
- Rub-my-bottom.
- Rahmentottem.
That mummy never made it into the museum.
No, that mummy never made it out of the white van in the parking lot.
It was swapped out by an angry warehouse foreman on wheels.
It was all part of an elaborate break-in.
This is absolute insanity.
An interesting choice of words.
I thought for sure you'd say genius.
- Well, why would I say genius? - Because it was your plan.
My plan? You're the one that got into the snuffalupagus wrapped in just enough tea-stained linen to look like a mummy through the cracked lid.
You needed to get those pistols back, didn't you? Yeah, the ones that used to be at the top of the stairs in your father's house.
Especially that one with the chipped ivory handle.
- Which.
- Which was the murder weapon! Come on, Lass.
A little consideration, please? I mean, look.
I'm going all out with the cloth and thing here.
I'm doing my thing.
- Detectives.
- You knocked your father on the head with that pistol, let him fall to his death, and then ran out and waited for somebody else to find him.
And the pistol got willed to the Museum.
That's why you worked so hard to get that exhibit closed.
And delayed the installation of the new security system.
He couldn't get his way into the display.
But he needed to be in the Museum.
You have been a busy little boy, haven't you? I believe you will be my final Santa Barbara arrest, Mr.
Put your hands behind your back, sir.
Nice, nice but guys, check it out.
There's more, right? He tilted the camera so that he wouldn't be visible.
He he strangled Hastings so there wouldn't be a witness! I saw him run away in the forest! Gus? Is there any chance at all you'll stay? No.
But I'm sure we'll see each other around.
Look, I knew the mayor wanted Raymond Sauter for the job.
He's an old friend of his.
But Sauter didn't become available until recently.
So I did what I had to do.
Look, I'm sure Sauter will do a fine job.
Are you sure you'll have a use for this? Dude, you're being kind of insensitive.
She'll be fine.
It's the mayor.
Yes, sir? Well, yes.
But Of course.
Yes, that's Sir, you don't have to beg.
You are begging.
As of now? Okay.
- I'm the new chief.
- Not interim? Don't you dare call me that again.
Oh, my god, what happened? What did he say? - I honestly have no idea.
- I think I do.
What's this? Bumped my arrest to page two.
Congratulations, Karen.
Thank you.
- We should have a party! - We should definitely have a party.
- We have all the party accoutrements! - Just go get some party gear and just open some crackers and a bottle of something.
Shawn, are you sure you didn't get some sort of special message this week? Dad, I told you, I dropped my phone.
Now, I gotta go.
No no, Shawn! Look, there's something I gotta get off my chest before you leave here! Dad, I don't know if you just read the secret or watched an emotional Oprah or what.
But I don't think we're ready to open our souls to each other.
- Well, we have no choice, kid.
- But we do, and it's good.
Because what we have is simple and shallow and unobtrusive.
So let's have this conversation when you're 90 and maybe on an oxygen tank.
'Cause I have a date with a woman who runs a Museum.
- And that's new for me.
- No, Shawn! - Please, no! - It just feels good.
You know what, I'll grab the door for you on my way out! Mom.